To be a tree.

"Oh, farmer-colt..." Fluttershy whispered seductively, "you treated my petals just beautifully, but now I'm in full bloom, and I need somepony to... pollinate me."

"Are you sure your stigma is ready for this stamen?" Big Mac asked, gesturing towards his massive endowment.

"Oh, it was blossomed ready," she purred, retiring to the floor, lying on her back and leaving her hind-legs spread apart.

Big Mac descended upon her rapaciously, pressing the flared tip of his 'stamen' against her 'petals,' slowly grinding his genitals against hers in a most unusual floro-erotic dry-hump.

"Oh, please yes," Fluttershy begged, convulsing in ecstasy as her mind was wracked with the heightened sexual sensitivity that accompanies heat. "I want you inside me!"

Big Mac, ever the slow, careful, and generous lover, was not about to comply, and instead continued to grind against her. Very slowly up along her tender vulval folds until his testicles gently bumped her crotch, and then back down, down, slowly, slowly, mind-numbingly slowly, until nothing but the very tip was touching her lips, at which point he would gently press his mass against her, just teasing the entrance. All the while, copious amounts of his pre-cum drizzled out onto her belly and rapidly moistening slit. He was familiar enough with the mechanics of this scenario to know that he wasn't going to fit outright without a lot of careful— no— wait—

"Put your pollen in my pistil!" She demanded, wrapping her back legs around him at the end of one of his reverse strokes and squeezing with all her strength while pushing herself against him with her wings. Half of the length of his member was forced into her vagina in an instant. Fluttershy's virginal tightness conflicted with Big Mac's massive girth, causing both ponies to scream in a mixture of agony and pleasure. Their lubricating fluids mixed inside her and sprayed out through the almost air-tight seal their genitals formed together, forming a fine mist of pheromones.

"F-F-Fluttershy... Ah-Ahre you okay?"

"Don't stop," she insisted, squeezing a little more, so that the tip of his penis pressed hard against the flesh of her uterus. Even with Fluttershy bottomed out, Big Mac still had at least three more inches to offer.

Taking note of her apparent sexual appetite, Big Mac began thrusting in and out of her quickly and forcefully. Normally, he wouldn't put so much power into it, but the pegasus was literally demanding to be brutalized. "OH CELESTIA YES! Ne-eh-eh-eh-ever st-ah-ah-ah-ah-ahp!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. Her soft belly bounced back and forth in time with Big Mac's thrusting, and she squeaked rhythmically. Big Mac was too big for her petite frame to handle, but in her current state of mind, the one thing she craved more than anything was the feeling of being filled up— of having a stallion stretching her and filling her with his seed, and Big Mac was just the pony to provide that feeling.

"Did that seriously just happen?"

"Ah don't even... Can we pretend we didn't see this?"

"Uh, no way! This is awesome!"

"Ah just..."

"I didn't even think that was equinely possible!"

"'Course it is— Ain't you ever seen a foal bein' born?"

"That's different, though, I mean..."

"How's it different? Comin' out, goin' in..."

"I guess you'd have to... It's just, Fluttershy's toys are..."

"Now you two are sharin' unmentionables?"

"No! Not sharing... Just... You know... Discussing... I mean... We've known each other forever! We kinda learned about this stuff together... So we've never really been uncomfortable talking about it."

"So, uh... This isn't really the size she usually goes for?"

"Not really... She usually uses things that are more... medium or smallish... More about hitting certain spots than splitting herself in half."

"Uh-huh..." Applejack groaned, simultaneously filled with pride and disgust as she realized her brother was having no trouble doing both at once.

"It looks like he's really good at that... I wouldn't expect a quiet guy like him to get around that much."

"He doesn't... Or, at least, not as far as Ah know. Ah don't even think he's seein' anypony. And if he was... Well this isn't exactly okay then, is it?"

"It's fine, lotsa' stallions do more than one mare. If there aren't enough to go around... Sharing is caring, right?"

"Idunno, it's just... I guess that's just not how Ma' and Pa' taught us to be."

"Yeah, I guess country guys do do things a little differently. But just imagine one mare getting that whole thing to herself. I think everypony in Ponyville should get a piece of that... and I'm first in line." Rainbow commented, licking her lips in apprehension.

"Okay, first off, Rainbow, gross. That's still my brother in there and I don't wanna hear that from you. Second of all, no you sure as Tartarus are not. You're just about the last pony I'd expect to go for that."

"What in the hay is that supposed to mean? You callin' me gay?"

"Uh... No. Ah wasn't sayin' that."

"Good. I don't even know why you'd bring that up. Because I'm not."

Applejack's eyelids drooped. "Ye'r right, it's totally ridiculous for anypony to suggest that. It'd be especially ridiculous if you just brought it up out of nowhere."

"Seriously though, I'd be on that like Pinkie on a chocolate dildo."

"Right. You'd fit all ah that in here," she remarked with a punctual poke of her hoof into Rainbow's tight marehood.

"GAHHAH! Hey!" She shot around quickly, "Don't touch me there!"

"Don't worry, I won't make that mistake again," AJ remarked, shaking moisture off her hoof. "You really are an animal, Rainbow. You gotta show more self-control than that."

"Oh, as if you don't get excited every once in a while."

"Not that excited, Boy howdy, I'm gonna have to get a full-blown hooficure before I'll feel comfortable touchin' anything with this hoof." She added, scraping it across the floor in an attempt to rub off Rainbow's secretions.

"Hey, if I was really excited, you'd know." Rainbow Dash insisted, demonstrating her meaning by flaring her wings. "We pegassi just don't waste any time mating. Everything's ready on a moment's notice."

"Heh... 'Don't waste time.' Is that what they call wrapping up in ten seconds flat and then turning into a shivering mess of a pony afterwards?"

"I don't see what's so great about taking all damn day."

From the other side of the glass, Fluttershy was repeatedly uttering, "Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay. Yay! YAY! YAY!! yay~"

AJ smirked. "Ah reckon it might have something to do with that."

"All the more reason it's great to be able to get off quick. Imagine finishing every fifteen seconds while—"

"CELESTIA-DAMNED MOTHERFUCKING YAY!!"

"...while your stallion pounds away for fifteen minutes!"

"Ah guess that could be nice..."

"Could be?! Heh, you're just stuck on the wrong side of that deal. Bet you wish you were a pegasus now, huh?"

"Nah, Ah think I like buildin' up to it real slow. Ya'll can rush if you want to, Ah'm gonna enjoy myself."

"Whatever... Man, they have been at this for a while now..."

"It uh... takes him a while."

"What?"

"Well, you know... It gets lonely on the farm... sometimes..."

"So... you and him do actually..."

"Whu... N-NO! Rainbow, gross!"

"What? You said it..."

"No! We don't... do that... Ah just— He just... Ah hear him. It's... It's not that Ah even pay that close of attention, it's just... It's just awful quiet late at night, and his room is right next to mine..."

"Awkward..."

"Used to be Ah could just put a pillow over my head and not think about it... But now that I know he's thinkin' about... trees... Oh Celestia, why did we think this was a good idea?"

A calm, soothing voice startled the two ponies, "It was a great idea."

"Princess Celestia!?"

"Buh— Uh— Princess! Ah can explain!"

"No need, I think you're all learning a lot about friendship. And I am too. Ooh. MMmmm. Has your brother ever thought about becoming a Royal Guard?"

"Ah... Don't you... But..."

A strand of drool dripped from the corner of Celestia's mouth as she continued to watch Big Macintosh ravish Fluttershy, copious amounts of fluids dripping and spraying from the pegasus' genitals on each inward thrust.

"Oh, wow... I've never seen it this close before... It's bigger than I imagined..."

"So, uh... What brings you here, Princess?"

"I'm here to investigate the sudden influx of reports of public indecency coming from this restaurant," she replied, a soft glow appearing around her horn.

"You're the first responder to public indecency reports?"

"The Guard forwards all of those reports through my desk. I need to verify that each and every case is personally taken care of by my hooves. My hooves and my hooves alone. All the way up to the wrist."

Rainbow Dash and AJ exchanged uncertain glances.

"I should ask you two the same question. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, uh... Well this isn't exactly what we thought was going to happen."

"Uh huh," the princess replied, releasing some oily liquid from her magical aura onto a bag of popcorn that she had just conjured.

"You see, we uh... We kinda set up this date as a practical joke. You know... two shy ponies, really awkward night, everybody has a couple laughs... No real harm done, right?"

"I see." She took a big bite of popcorn. "MMhmm. MMmmmmph. Oh yesh. Go on..."

"But things just sort of got out of control. We didn't know what to—"

"Ohhhh~ Mmmmmm..."

"You okay, princess?" Rainbow Dash asked, noting that her horn was glowing again. It wasn't long before she and AJ traced Celestia's line of sight and found the other end of the spell.

A wavering blob of magic hovered near the coital ponies' genitals, collecting some of the fluids being ejected into the air. After a short time, it zipped away, reappeared in the room, and emptied itself onto Celestia's popcorn.

AJ and Rainbow Dash stared in disbelief as Celestia levitated another heaping pile of popcorn into her mouth.

"What? Dey were waysh-ting it." She spoke through her food before swallowing, still staring intently at the sexual display.

Rainbow giggled. Applejack vomited.

"Oh, grow up... Apple... pony." Celestia teased, still not taking her eyes off the candid erotic exhibition before her.

"Y-You don't know mah name?"

"Why would I know a background pony's name?"

"Ah am NOT a background pony!"

"You don't even have your own song!"

"Yeah Ah did! 'Member? 'Raise this barn, raise this barn, one two three four...' "

"I can't say I remember that. It doesn't sound very impressive." Celestia replied, taking another bite of popcorn. "What kind of shitty lyrics are those, anyway?"

"The ones that inspahre a bunch of friends to pitch in with free manual labor."

Celestia's eyes narrowed as she swallowed another bite of Fluttered popcorn. "Perhaps you have learned more about friendship than I thought."

"Nah, I already knew how to do that. Didn't need Twilight or anypony to teach me. She can suck mah flankhole."

"Can I watch?"

"Ew... Sick!"

"You're a riot, princess!" Rainbow Dash said, offering a congratulatory wing-slap, which the princess happily accepted.

"Anyway, it looks like you two have this under control, so I'll leave you to break it up yourselves." Celestia said as she screwed the lid onto a jar, adding it to a stack of about ten other jars, all full to the top with viscous milky-white liquid.

AJ's eyes shot wide with disgust. "Is that—"

"Oh, would you look at the time? I'm on break now. Bye!" Celestia interjected before vanishing along with the jars in a flash of magic.

"Well... now what?"

"Now, AJ... We watch. Until this ends."

"But the princess just told us to—"

"You wanna go out there?"

"Nope.

"Me neither."