The Mare of Her Dreams

"My party last night?" Pinkie parroted the question Twilight had just asked her. "Oh, that one was a little disappointing. A pretty small one, just six mares and twelve stallions."

"Just twelve stallions?" Twilight muttered in disbelief.

"Yeah, but it was pretty special! I was testing this new lube I invented that's made from chocolate sauce, but specially formulated so it doesn't cause infections!"

"Wait, what?"

Pinkie began energetically pantomiming as she described the previous night's exploits. "So there I was, wrist-deep in Blossomforth, chocolate sauce everywhere, and she's just begging for more, so I start to slip another hoof up inside her like this."

Twilight's mouth fell open as she watched Pinkie simulate sliding a second hoof into the imaginary vagina before her.

"But it still wasn't enough, so I dipped my back hoof into the chocolate sauce and started putting it in her ass like this. Went in nice and smooth..." Pinkie explained as she balanced on a single back leg, projecting her three free legs all in the same direction. "So then a stallion, can't remember which one, decides he wants in on that, so he slathered his cock up in the sauce and started shoving it in my pooper."

Twilight squinted her eyes in disbelief, hardly able to comprehend what she was hearing.

"I know, right! So rude to do that without even saying anything first. Especially somepony with a big giant dick like his. But the lube worked really good, so it felt super-duper!"

"He... Just..."

"Yup! But that's not even the best part. So there I was, three hooves inside Blossomforth, some big ol' stallion fuckin' me up the ass, and then Cheerliee walks up and starts letting me lick her pussy," She stuck her tongue out and wiggled it around as she continued to gyrate her body while still balancing on one hoof, "and another stallion slides up underneath me and starts doin' me dolphin-style!"

"What?!"

"I know! It was like a good ol' fashioned gang-bang!"

"Pinkie... I..."

"So then, Caramel comes up — and I know it was Caramel, because I don't know anypony else with two penises."

"Caramel has two—"

"Yup! Some kinda crazy birth-defect! Like, he was supposed to be born with a twin, but instead he just got his twin's dick and an extra ball."

"Wha— What?"

"So Caramel comes up, and he gets one dick in my pussy and the other one in my ass, while those other stallions were still inside me!"

"Four—"

'"Yeah! It was crazy! So then Fluttershy drops in with a strap-on and starts just screwing the shit out of Caramel!"

"FLUTTERSHY?!"

"And then before you know it, it's a train, and everypony's just part of one big happy ball of fucking and sucking!"

Twilight blinked slowly as she tried to fit all the information that had just been divulged to her into the already unstable framework of understanding she had regarding Pinkie.

"So that was when I had my first orgasm of the night, and then I made sure everypony else came. It's so hard to figure out if Fluttershy finished or not, so I made sure to suck her off really quick, cuz she'll just sit there all night unsatisfied without saying anything because she doesn't want to hold anyone up, sweet little dear."

"You... With Fluttershy..."

"Oh yeah, we're totally going steady! I mean... as steady as I can go anyways."

"Wait, really? Are you sure?"

"Absitively posolutely!"

"But then... Why do you have sex with all those other ponies then?"

"It works for Golden Harvest and Written Script! They come to my parties almost every night!"

"They do?!"

"Yuppers! So then when I was sure Flutters was done, we all sat down for a game of Parcheesi!"

"Is that a euphemism for something?"

"Nope! It's just Parcheesi."

"Why?"

"Gives everypony a chance to cool down, stallions can recharge, we all get to chit-chat about the first round, get to know each other, make plans for what we're gonna do together after Parcheesi... Not to mention it's a really fun game! Mayor Mare won two games in a row, but then GoldenGrape and Lucky Clover tied in the last one."

"Uh-huh..." Twilight replied while nodding slowly.

"So after that we started round two, which was a DOOZY. I have never given eight hoof-jobs at once before, but trust me, it's crazy complicated! I wish I'd of been paying attention to everypony else though, because somepony lost a hamster inside Mayor Mare."

"WHAT?!"

"Yeah, we spent thirty minutes searching her, because she couldn't remember which orifice it was."

"HOW DO YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

"Well, it was one of those 'three go in, two come out' deals. You know how it is. But then after a while we remembered that there were only ever two hamsters to begin with. SO silly! But it was alright, cuz the Mayor really enjoyed it when we were poking around inside her lookin' for it, and everypony had a good laugh. Plus, we learned from Doctor Stable that colonoscopy spells can be both educational AND fun."

Pinkie raised her hoof to her mouth, trying to remember the details. "So then we got back into the swing of things, and GoldenGrape dared Blossomforth to fit a bowling ball in her vagina, which she totally did, it was amazing. She tried to launch it out to knock down some dildos we set up as pins, but her aim was just awful."

"That's impossible."

"Well she did it! Then we got back to screwing, and everything was going fine until Cosmic tried to stick it in Cheerilee's butt, he just got so excited that he got her mixed up with somepony who liked that."

"Uhh... She doesn't like it?" Twilight asked, thinking back to a rather steamy night she had shared with the school teacher. "I mean, she's the one who got me into that in the first place..."

"Well, she doesn't trust just anypony to do that to her... So, back to the story, she let me lick the chocolate sauce off her booty, and I let Cosmic screw me while I took care of Cheerilee with a vibrator. And then—

"Pinkie, that's enough!"

"Huh?"

"I really don't need to hear any more."

"If you didn't want to hear the story, why'd you ask?"

"Well... I was telling Rarity about this problem I was having, and she suggested I ask you about your late night parties..."

"OH, so you want in? That's great! We can always use more mares! Let's just go ahead and get you set up with the tail bands right away."

"No, I... Tail bands?"

"Yeah, it's this awesome color-coding scheme I thought up to make sure that everypony knows what everypony else is into. Saves loads of time that we used to waste on talking. Cosmic got it mixed up last night, but that usually doesn't happen. Pink means you're okay with receiving vaginally, purple is for receiving anal, silver means you like to suck stallions, while periwinkle means you prefer the pussy. Green means you go for gentle love, red means you like it really rough, yellow is somewhere in-between and means you wanna use a safeword, and fluorescent orange means you're up for anything. I really don't recommend that one, though, some ponies that come to my parties like some really crazy stuff."

"I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I don't... I don't think I want to be part of that."

"Awww, why not?"

"You just... how do you... How do you have sex with all those different ponies? Doesn't love mean anything to you?"

"I love everypony, silly filly!" Pinkie replied as she pecked Twilight on the cheek. "But I understand that some ponies are shy. If you wanna have a private party with me I'm sure I can find the time for somepony as special as you!"

Twilight blushed and retreated a bit. "I appreciate it, Pinkie, but... That's not why I'm here."

"Well, why are you here?"

"Well... I'm having a problem with love, I uh... I love... I have feelings for Rainbow Dash."

"Well of course, it's normal to have feelings for all your friends. Rainbow makes me feel silly," she said as she smiled brightly, "and Applejack makes me feel super-serious," she remarked while shifting her face to reflect incredible seriousness, "and Fluttershy makes me feel pretty!" She finished by clasping her hooves together under her face and fluttering her eyelashes.

"No, that's not how I mean, I just... I think Rainbow Dash is... Sexy..."

"Well, yeah, we're all sexy in our own ways!"

Twilight was starting to get frustrated. At least before, when she believed Pinkie was naive about adult relationships, her cluelessness was justifiable. But now that Twilight knew what she knew, it was clear that Pinkie was just fucking with her. "I want to be in a relationship with Rainbow!"

"You're already in a relationship with her!"

"No! A committed, romantic, relationship! I love Rainbow Dash! I want to be in a romantic relationship with Rainbow Dash!" Twilight insisted as she slammed her hoof down on the counter, causing the bell in the cash register to ring.

"You finally said it!" Pinkie announced happily as she bounced up and down, beaming with pride. She zipped around the counter to Twilight's side and threw a hoof over her shoulder. "See? That wasn't so hard!"

"Wait... What? Oh... You're right... It... It wasn't..."

"So now you just gotta say the same thing to Rainbow!"

Twilight choked on her own tongue.

"Come on! It's easy! Just a few words! You'll never know how Rainbow feels unless you open up to her!"

"But how does she feel about me?"

"That's something she's gotta tell you!"

"Exactly! So either she doesn't feel anything for me or she doesn't want me to know she does!"

"Well, you like her, don't you?"

"Yeah..."

"And does she know that?"

"Not really..."

"But you want her to know, don't you?"

"Yeah..."

"So how do you know she's not going through the exact same thing as you?"

Twilight's eyes widened. "Is... Is she?"

"How could I know that, silly?"

"I think you know more than you let on..."

"Really?" Pinkie asked, bringing her face unnecessarily close to Twilight's, "Iiiii think I know less than I let on!"

"You... Uh... What?"

"Ehhhhh-xactly." Pinkie affirmed. Suddenly, her tail twitched, and she quickly dove to push Twilight out of the way of a pile of sex-toys that spontaneously fell out of the shelf above. "Sorry, Twi, I packed that shelf a little too full. It wasn't the only thing that was packed too full last night though... Check this out!"

Pinkie turned her fanny to Twilight's face, giving her a rather close-up view of a tight little pink balloon-knot that Pinkie was claiming had engulfed the full girth and length of two stallions simultaneously. Just as Twilight began contemplating the physiological impossibility of such a thing, the secure sphincter slowly slackened, the hole growing steadily wider of its own accord, until Twilight was sure she could have stuck her hoof inside without touching the sides. Just as Twilight was beginning to grow nauseated from being able to see all the the way to the end of Pinkie's rectum, the gaping asshole snapped shut like a rubber band. Impossible. Literally impossible.

"I haven't had that much stretch since I went over to Rarity's to try out her toys. She was so jealous she never let me come back again!"

"Really? That doesn't sound like Rarity."

"Well... I sorta stuck some of her favorite and hardest to clean toys where the Sun doesn't shine... And she doesn't use them that way, so I kinda ruined them..."

"Oh... Well, Pinkie," Twilight began, still stuck staring at Pinkie's ass, "would you mind getting off of me?"

"Okie Dokie!" She bounced up and began loading the toys back into the shelf above by picking them up in her mouth. A mother and her foal walked through the front door of the store, only to see Pinkie wrapping her teeth around a rather large dildo. She turned to look at them, smiling enthusiastically, with the large elastic rubber member hanging out of either side of her mouth. The mother covered her foal's eyes and backed away slowly, so disquieted by the scenario that she could hardly even find the enthusiasm to be outraged.

"But I wanted a cupcake, mommy!"

"Not now, sweetie. Not now."

Twilight rested her face in her hoof, shocked by the lack of professionalism and sanitary concern implicated in storing sex toys in a cabinet inside a public bakery. After a long sigh, during which she contemplated whether or not it had ever been a good idea to eat the food produced by this establishment, she asked, "So what do I do about me and Rainbow?"

"I-unn-er" Pinkie mumbled through anal beads, before spitting them up into the shelf. "That's kinda up to you!"

"But I came here specifically to ask you for help!"

"And I did help. I told you you needed to tell Rainbow Dash how you feel. Simples!"

"No, not 'simples'! Complicateds!" Twilight quickly shook her head at the lack of literacy she had just demonstrated. "It's complicated!"

"There's nothing easier, Twi, you just open your mouth and make sounds come out. Like this! Ahhhhhhhhh! Lahlahlahlahlah! Wabralabadingo! Ziggeridoo! Jiggity-pando! I like Rainbow Dash! See? Easy!"

Twilight sighed again. "Thanks for your help, Pinkie... I guess..."

"No problem! And here, have these tail-bands just in case you change your mind; you can drop in whenever, there's a party here every night! Took me weeks to convince Fluttershy to come, but now she has so much fun it's crazy!"

"Thanks..." Twilight mumbled, as she took the elastic bands from Pinkie's mouth and into her magical aura. Immediately after Twilight teleported off to a new location in the hopes of solving her problem, Lyra and BonBon approached the counter.

"Tail bands. We want them. Also, can we bring friends?"

"The more the merrier!" Pinkie insisted, offering them bags containing the colorful elastics. Lyra magicked them up and slipped them into her saddlebag before she and her partner walked off, smiling deviously at one-another.

Rainbow Dash passed them on their way out. "Pinkie, hey, I—" Rainbow stopped short as she noticed the huge pile of erotic gear that Pinkie was still loading onto the shelf.

"Whassup Rainbow?"

"Oh, I uh... Yeah. I was looking for Twilight, and Rarity said she might be here. You seen her?"

"Ummmm.... Nope! Can't say I have. You should totally check Applejack's barn, though!"

"Thanks Pinkie!" Rainbow turned to the door and prepared to take off. "Wait, why?"

"Cuz that's where she is!"

"How do you know that?"

"I don't!"

Rainbow glared at Pinkie, completely and utterly confused beyond recovery, and set off towards Sweet Apple Acres.