Every Prince Deserves a Princess

The water moved effortlessly in rippling waves, pushed aside by my powerful forelegs as I brought the irksome liquid beneath my supreme command. This act was my directive, and the water would obey. No longer would it be my master, and no longer would I be at its merciless whim, should I have found myself in another situation like what occurred down in that flooded deathtrap, nearly a week ago. Learning to swim had barely been a challenge at all, once I'd put my mind to it. I was as natural and graceful within the guarded pool as a butterfly on a light spring wind, purposeful as a shark chasing down its prey whilst weaving between reefs, majestic on a level that would make the most skilled fishes swoon in jea-

"...floaties? Really, dude? Ain't you a little old for that shit?"

I shot the most acidic glare I could muster up at the familiar and ever so bothersome stallion standing at the edge of the Royal Pool. The dark-green devil wore his usual shit-eating grin as he watched me tread water with the help of my royal floatation aids.

"They are not floaties, you uncultured rube!"

"Whatever they are, they're floral patterned, and they look absolutely hilarious." Moss snickered as he began to canter along the tiled edge of the artificial body of water, moving ever closer to where I floated within. "You rang, boss? After not hearing from you for so long, I figured we were done. Wouldn't be the first time someone promised something big, only to pull it out from under me."

"Oh, I'll pull it out from under you, alright," I replied, my glare still fixed upon the stallion standing above me as he moved just beside the diving board, mere feet away.

"I'm sure you'd love to," he shot back while flicking a hoof through his mane.

"Enough of this. Onward to business," I commanded with a splash of my hoof. "I need your services."

"Twenty bits an hour, thirty if you want me t-"

Moss never got to finish his sentence as I was overcome by a spark of rage, the emotion driving me to light my horn with a flowing blue flame. A riptide of magical energy manifested just behind his legs and shot forward toward me, pulling the small stallion off his hooves and forward into the water with a mighty splash. Water flew far and wide as the two guards stationed at the door chuckled with amusement at his misfortune rather than mine, and just a bit of pride swelled up within my chest. I had surely shown him his place, and done it with style.

However, all victories were indeed transient, a principle well proven as a tangled mop of vibrant blue crested the water's surface, whipping backward and sending droplets of the stuff flying this way and that. A splash of purified water flew into my face, and I quickly worked to wipe it clean as Moss slicked back his own tangled mop, looking almost like a mare after his thorough dousing.

"Good call. It is more fun if I'm wet, first."

My eyes rolled, the motion almost dizzying despite the familiarity of it when he was around. "Must you have something to say about everything? If life for you simply sex, stealing, and sarcasm?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Moss deadpanned, floating effortlessly as he moved his hooves throughout the water. I watched momentarily, my expression blank as he tread water with ease, as though it was second nature to him.

"I hate you. I hate you like cats hate mice, like billboards hate push pins, like Nightmare Moon once hated Celestia."

"Like you hate deodorant, apparently."

I reached a hoof out and gripped his forelock before pulling the stallion underwater and shoving him downward beneath the surface. Without a second thought, I began swimming for the edge of the pool, and upon reaching it, pulled myself up and over the curved lip to stand upon the checkerboard tile, dripping.

"Towel," I demanded. One of the two guards took his sweet time walking over to my held out hoof before depositing a fluffy swath of cloth upon the limb. "Robe," I added, whilst whipping my head to the side to cast the drenched, sunshine-golden locks of sopping hair from my face. The other guard brought over my bathrobe, sneering as he draped it over my shoulders. "Dismissed."

The seemingly identical twin guards retreated in tandem, hoisting their spears over their shoulders as they muttered something against my family name under their breaths. I honestly couldn't have cared less. I was surrounded in warm fabric, while they were stuck in freezing metal, during the coldest month of the year. All was as it should have been. Well, almost all.

"So, you needed me?" Moss hopped up onto the tile to join my side before spitting upon the ground in a grotesque and ghoulish display, typical of a peasant.

"I do. All week long, I've been arranging a masquerade ball and overall celebration on account of Shining Dipshit's Charity Home for Wastes of Time Like You."

"Aw, I didn't know you cared." Moss moved in and nuzzled my neck, which earned him a harsh slap across the face.

"Silence. I've been requested to find a guest of honor to represent the homeless, and I can't think of anypony who better represents the filth and scum of society than you. Congratulations, you have the position, and this is not optional. Don't mess this up for me."

Moss rubbed his nose, following along as I began to trot toward a nearby bench, upon which rested my signature bow tie and a deep blue brush.

"Why the hell do you care if I 'mess it up for you?' It's pretty clear you don't care at all."

"Because," I began while looping the tie around my neck, "Auntie is doing me a favor with this idiotic task. Should it go smoothly, my reputation and influence will increase, and the idiotic public," I stopped my frantic brushing to point the vibrant tool at his face, "that would be the likes of you, will view me in a different light, and get off my flank."

"Or you could, you know, just not be a jackass. More realistically, you could not be a jackass in public. Would save you a lot of trouble." Moss snatched the towel form my hoof and immediately began drying himself, rubbing the material all about his body before I had a chance to take it back. If nothing else could be said for him, he was, at the very least, without fear.

"That's none of your business."

"Isn't it? Don't you realize you keep coming back to me? I'm probably the pony you've spoken to most in the past month, simply out of repeated convenience. I doubt you've got any friends, other than," he dropped his voice to mimic mine, "your precious Cadenza".

"If you do not cease and desist, I will ram this brush down your throat," I threatened.

Moss tossed the towel directly into my face, letting the material drape from my horn before I tore it down with a snarl. "No, I won't cease. You've got problems, man, and it's a shame. I've seen your good side, but all you want to show is your ass. It's getting you into more trouble than you realize." The small stallion hopped up onto the bench and walked forward, putting his face at my eye level as I stood, fuming. "You could learn from me. You might have money, but I've got it figured out. You need to learn when to be an ass, and when to play the game."

"There is no game to be played! Stop spouting nonsense, fulfill your role, and kindly get out of my life!" I began to trot, only to be stopped almost immediately by the grip of his disproportionately powerful hoof upon my lower jaw. I struggled to break free, only to feel a crushing pressure as he nearly snapped the bone, using my efforts against me as he glared directly into my eyes, his tone deadly serious.

"Everything is a game. The politics in this castle, your position as a prince, you and me... it's all just a game." He squeezed harder, causing a biting pain to rush through my entire mouth as I lifted a hoof, trying desperately to shake his grip. Moss didn't respond or even blink, though I could have sworn his eyes flashed quite literally for the briefest moment as his sneer turned into something more sinister. "And if you don't shape up and start playing your cards right, you're going to lose more than you could ever imagine."

He pushed my face to the side while releasing his grip, and as it always was when he showed me this strange, angry side to himself... I had no idea how to respond. A mixture of indignation, surprise, and interestingly enough, guilt washed over me as he landed back upon the tile with a soft set of clacks before beginning to trot for the door.

"Moss..."

"When do I need to be ready by? I'm guessing you want a speech?"

"Sunday..." I said, my ears a bit drooped. I couldn't tell if he was genuinely angry, or simply done dealing with me. It was a conflict that I was all too used to experiencing, but never before from him. So quickly had I gained a rival, and perhaps, though I loathed to admit it, and with heavy stipulations, a friend... and so quickly was I losing him.

"Fine. I'll be there. Just leave me the hell alone until then. I'll show up when I want to."

"Moss, wait. That is an order!"

"I don't take orders, especially from assholes like you!" Moss picked up his pace, disappearing through the doorway. I worked my way up into a gallop, letting my very expensive robe fall from its loose hold around me as I followed him out and into the hallway.

"Then it is a plea!" I yelled, my eyes upon his form, which had already reached the opposite end of the hall. Moss slowed to a stop at an intersection in the hallway and turned to face me as I managed to catch up to him, slightly winded. "And I don't plead..."

"That's the only reason I stopped. What's your angle?" He cast a quizzical look up at me before narrowing his eyes.

"I don't know. I was never much good at math." I offered him a cheesy smile, doing my best to defuse the situation. It didn't work.

"Cut the shit and talk straight. My patience threshold is high, but you've crossed it. Why the hell should I bother with you anymore? Because you're rich? I know the lot of you are entitled assholes, but I'm sure I could find one less arrogant to mooch off of." He shifted slightly, smoothing out his mane once again with a hoof as the rat's nest once again began to take shape.

"No, because I... I'm..." I stumbled over my words, trying to verbalize my regret. Such a thing was so alien, so against my ideals, that getting two simple words out became a long struggle. Fortunately, it was one that Moss was willing to sit through. "...I'm sorry."

Moss continued to scrutinize me for what seemed like ages, before he gave a curt nod and blew an errant lock out of his eyes. "You are. Apology accepted," he said as he breathed a sigh. "You really should've told me earlier. I would've helped, you know. Not like I've got anything better to do."

"Well... I wouldn't mind if you began helping now. That is, if you're still willing, after... that."

Moss frowned and clapped my shoulder with his hoof, looking steadily less annoyed and more... disappointed?

"Sure. Lead the wall, Butterball."

I simply chuckled and shook my head, happy to have something close to an actual friend as we made for the kitchen.