Every Prince Deserves a Princess

The sensation of weight upon my chest served to confuse me as I slowly blinked awake. As I received my explanation, the confusion only deepened, albeit in an entirely different way. Creeping Moss lay atop my chest, beneath the blankets, which covered both him and I. His small frame felt nearly weightless as he rose and fell with the slow motions of my chest, and I found myself without the heart to move him. His lithe form was curled atop me, a bit like the way a dog would rest upon a carpet before a roaring fire. His own breathing was much shallower than my own, his whistling breaths frantic and sharp, even in sleep. The contrast between us was large, and to an extent... amusing. Never had I imagined that I would share a bed with a stallion, let alone one such as he.

I craned my neck off to the side, peering out into the crimson curtains that blocked my view of the balcony. Small, soft shadows passed down behind the veil, filtering the sunlight with the silhouettes of fresh snow. The sun itself was at eye level whilst I reclined, signaling the dawn of a new day. There was so much to be done, so much paperwork to fill out to make Moss' ascension to guard status official... and so many plans to formulate. We needed to get our hooves upon the moss, sooner or later... and Moss needed to get his hooves off of me.

The little knave's hoof had snaked its way down to the other prince in the room, and had begun to explore. I whipped my head toward my daring prey, and found my glare was met with a cheeky grin. He was most definitely awake, though I had no idea for how long he had played possum.

"Get your hoof off of my equipment, this instant," I snarled.

"You love it," he replied with a toothy grin.

"Being a bodyguard does not involve touching my body. Remove yourself, before I remove your foreleg."

"Killjoy," he replied before slipping down beneath the sheets. For a moment, I thought I was going to need a crowbar to pry him from my body before he emerged from the foot of the bed, slipping out from under the covers. Never had I seen one exit the bed in such a way, but, in retrospect, I wasn't exactly surprised by that fact.

"So, Boss, what's on the menu?" he inquired whilst scratching his flank with a hoof. Whether it was out of curiosity, or sheer disbelief at his gall, I found myself unable to stop watching.

"Whatever you find. Raid the fridge, for all I care. You ruined a perfectly good opportunity to sleep in and laze about, you nonce." I rolled back onto my side, lighting my horn to pull back the curtains guarding the balcony. The cloths parted with a gentle swoosh, revealing the slowly-falling, yet densely-packed snow flittering about in the morning air. Truly, it was the mark of a beautiful day- and I was not one to appreciate such things often. For whatever reason, I had found myself in a decent mood, which turned out to be an incredible boon.

Otherwise, Moss would have been impaled shortly thereafter.

"Yo, this cake is bangin'," came the singsong voice from the kitchenette. On any other day, I would have ascended to alicornism, flown into the kitchen, and lopped his head clean off his shoulders for touching the dessert I had been saving. On that day, however... something was different. Perhaps I had gotten used to him. Perhaps I had simply given up.

"...you're having cake for breakfast?"

"When you spend your whole damned life on the streets, ya'd eat cake every meal if ya could get away with it," he spoke around a mouthful of the spongy, expensive treat. It absolutely killed me when he had a valid point.

I didn't remove my eyes from the falling snow, only to find that he moved his unsightly ass directly into my frame of view by standing before the window and gazing out over the city, while chewing, loudly. I immediately began to regret the decision to give the little bastard lodging. With a heavy sigh, I propped myself up in bed upon a hoof, and began clearing my goldenrod locks out of my vision. "So... what are your thoughts on this other changeling, and Bloodlet? Where could we acquire more of it for study?"

"Yeah... 'bout that." He paused to swallow, the majority of the cake long since devoured. "The shit likes to grow in damp caves. The one we hit up ain't a good option, on account of the flood. It'd be hard to find chunks of it anymore, after it got torn apart. It probably got washed out of the cave and dried up, and the rocks might've collapsed down there."

"Do you have a point, or are you simply going to list the reasons why we're screwed?"

"Calm your royal tits, I'm getting to that." Moss sat upon his flanks, before placing the empty cake plate upon a nearby end table. Somehow, I knew I would be cleaning that up later. "Remember that other cave? The one beneath that lake I mentioned a while back?"

"The one we mutually agreed would be nearly impossible to reach without powerful magic and alerting the princesses?" I asked. Suddenly, it occurred to me that neither of those problems was much of a problem... though convincing a mage capable of sustaining a water-breathing spell for long enough to dive and find the entrance would be another matter entirely. I certainly wasn't capable of such a feat, and Shining Armor was out of the question...

"Yeah, that. I think we can find a way. What about that Golden Sands pony?" Moss turned to face me, licking his lips as a glint of metal flashed over his teeth. I blinked, trying to process just what I had seen.

"Did you pierce your tongue?"

"...yeah, long time ago. What, are you not staring lovingly at my mouth when I talk? Get with the program."

I merely shook my head, unable to remember if I had known such a thing before. Again, I was unsurprised, merely... unsure what to make of the situation. It was certainly the first piercing of such a nature I had seen in pony. It left me to wonder what else he may have jammed metal into.

"...anyway. What about that Golden Sands pony? He's a complete ass."

"Ya think he's got anything that could get us to the cave entrance? The fewer ponies we bring, the easier it'll be. Just me and you would be preferable, and if he has any kind of crazy device that could get us down there, w-"

"And you suddenly come up with this idea after stealing a smoke grenade from him, and souring his opinion of both of us? You really are a perfect asshole," I fumed.

"I know. My asshole is perfect, isn't it?" He lifted his tail to prove a point, and soon found a pillow sailing through the air to impact his rump. I shook my head and stalked off into the bathroom to retrieve my prized comb before beginning to furiously tug it through the knots in my mane.

"I'm assuming you'll leave this absolute honor to me. In that case, you'll have to give up the grenade so that I have collateral to trade with. I can't see him assisting us, otherwise. Toss it here."

I really should have seen it coming. I really should have thought about who I was talking to, and his mental capabilities. However, all I found myself thinking about was the many ways in which I could murder an earth pony as the smoke grenade whistled through the entrance to the bathroom, impacted the shower glass, and burst. A thick, rolling cloud of purple smoke erupted from the device, billowing outward and absolutely covering my fur, the tile, towels, and everything else in the room with ashen dust and smog. I coughed loudly, dropping my brush as my eyes began to water while my ears rang with harsh laughter. Moss was in hysterics as I stumbled out of the bathroom and tripped my way into the carpet. My fur was stained, my eyes were watering, and my lungs heaved with the effort of finding fresh air.

Despite all of the chaos, idiocy, and wreckage Moss had caused... he wasn't the only one laughing. I couldn't keep the slight curl from the edges of my lips, nor could I stop the snickering that followed. It had been quite clever, and so very like him...

"I fucking despise you."

"Love you too. Go get cleaned up, and hey! At least we know his shit works. Look at that, he's capable of decent tech."

I rolled my eyes and stumbled toward the door. "I'll have to find another shower to use. Hand me the remains of the grenade, and clean that bathroom, with your teeth and tongue if you must." I expectantly held out a hoof, only to receive the spent shell of the device moments later.

"You got it, Boss."

I was quite beginning to like that name...

A quick shower in the infirmary later, I was lost in my thoughts as I walked toward the lab of Golden Sands. I found myself trying to decide between continued torment of the little unicorn, or attempting to make amends. While digging into his ribs ever farther would be my normal approach, our mission was one in serious need of completion, and I was not about to muck up my big break. Perhaps my Auntie had been right- my turn in the limelight was just around the corner. I could be seen as a hero for doing what none other in the castle could be bothered to do. I could finally be worthy of my title, in the eyes of others. However, life had chosen that exact moment to throw a wrench in my newfound resolve.

"...Vladimir?"

Against my will, my heart leapt at the sound of her angelic voice. The damnable organ seemed to freeze in mid-jump as her beautiful face slid into my view, though her cheeks were streaked with trails of tears. I struggled to force down my old feelings for the pony who had done so much to destroy what little heart I had, but seeing her vulnerable gave me pause. All of those feelings I had cast aside just before the banquet came rushing back, and her words echoed inside my head. True love does not simply fade. It hides, but never goes away.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't hate her for choosing that overgrown, bedridden foal. Resent, perhaps... but not hate.

"Cadenza. What is wrong?" I stepped forward, cupping her cheek with my hoof as I put on a genuine frown of concern. An expression saved only for her, and one I hadn't used in quite some time.

"No, I... nothing is wrong. Not anymore. You saved him, Vladimir. You saved my Shining Armor's life." Cadance moved forward ever so slightly, nestling her face into the crook of my neck. The sensation was absolutely heavenly, and one I would never tire of. Nor would I tire of her scent...

"You expected anything less? I was simply doing my duty," I replied with a slight puff of the chest.

"You needn't lie," came the immediate response. My heart finally seemed to fall, my legs going numb as I anxiously awaited her next words. "I know you have never liked him, partially because of me. I know of your rivalry, and I've seen the looks you give him, when you think I cannot see."

I found that it was quite true that the higher an object was thrown, the more quickly it would come crashing down. My heart seemed to fall through my hooves as she continued, accompanied by a sniffle.

"But none of that matters now. I owe you everything. Thanks to you, my love will live on. You will always be like a brother to me. Perhaps, in another life, you would be more."

Cadenza leaned in, and planted a warm, gentle kiss upon my lips. The action was swift and sweet, with a taste akin to warm sugar. I had no time to react, no time to think, no time to pull her in and claim her as my own. Her words resonated within my skull as various sensations caused a tightening in my loins and numbing in my lips. Before I could even begin to process the event, it ended, as good things so often do.

"Thank you. You are truly a prince."

Cadenza said nothing more as she walked off down the hall, leaving me alone to my blank, conflicted thoughts.