Iron Will vs. The Penile Code

Up at the judge's podium discord was back to his usual, large self, though he was hovering around casually while the recess was going on. He regarded the gallery audience, which had dwindled during the recess. Applejack was still there, however, having her crisis of faith. Discord noted that with a slight frown. “Oh dear. Not a crisis of conscience. That kind of moral overthinking ruins everything. I hope that country bumpkin busybody continues. Then we could try this in the court of public opinion. I'm much better at manipulating that...”

Pinkie looked over to Discord suddenly, turning away from a conversation she was having with Rarity. “What was that?”

Discord suddenly manifested a halo to look innocent, whistling and twirling his thumbs. "Not that I would ever dare to manipulate anyone or anything for my own purposes. That would be terrible.” He quickly handed something off to Pinkie and gave her a wink. “You know... this trial is a little too settled. Surely you wouldn't mind being a little less... talented?”

Pinkie rubbed her chin and looked up at Discord, unsure of what to think. "He's good..." She finally said, lightly nibbling on what Discord had given her, despite the sudden sprinkling of chocolate milk over her lower half.

"Is that... did he bribe you to sway your focus and capability?" Rarity asked, incredulous.

Pinkie looked down at the object she had. "What? Just because he gave me a cotton candy cloud that rains chocolate milk, and just because I happen to like those things, doesn't mean he bribed me. That's crazy talk."

"Darling, it says 'bribe' right on it," Rarity said with a slight tone of annoyance, pointing to a small bronze plaque on the cloud that prominently displayed the word 'bribe.'

"Well, well... that doesn't prove anything!" Pinkie cried, exasperated. She pulled out a marker and quickly wrote 'virgin' across Rarity's heavily pregnant belly. "Just because you say 'virgin' doesn't mean you are one!"

Rarity scoffed and attempted to wipe the ink from her pristine coat. "But of course not. It was no god that got me in this state... but I must say, all the candidates were quite close..."

Away from the gallery and off in a tucked-away alcove filled with vending machines Iron Will and Fluttershy were continuing their uncomfortable silence. Since that day, and the answering machine message the two had been cool and quiet towards one another, their glances heavy with meaning but neither one breaking the stalemate.

Iron Will looked at one of the coffee machines and pulled some coins from a pouch at his side. “Uh... you want a cup of cocoa?”

“I wouldn't want to impose...” Fluttershy said quietly, not looking towards Iron Will as she answered him.

“Too late,” Iron Will said, with some attempt at a laugh. He passed along a cup of cocoa and dropped another coin into the machine for his own. “Sorry if it's bad. These vending machines don't know how to do anything right.”

“No, no, it's... nice,” Fluttershy said, after giving her cup a little sip. Her face did not indicate it was very nice. “Thank you.”

“Don't thank me, it's terrible,” Iron Will said, likewise unimpressed with the drink. He sipped on, however, and continued to give a sour look. “I'm so sorry...”

“It's not your fault. A machine can't match the care of someone making it with care over the stove,” Fluttershy said, pressing on with drinking the brew.

“Not about that... not just about that. About the... phone call...” Iron Will said, mumbling the last bit into his cocoa.

“Oh... that... You... said a lot of things. But... you had too much to drink,” Fluttersy said, “That doesn't count. I once saw Mister Toity drunk. He said a lot of things about being in love with Miss Finish. He didn't remember anything once he was sober again.”

“It... it really counts more than usual. You tell the truth more when you're drunk. You also punch out your own couch but that's a separate matter,” Iron Will said, with another game attempt at humor. “How much do you know about where I'm from?”

“Just what you told me,” Fluttershy confessed, “I've never been a traveler and never learned about other places.”

“Spend any time in Hellas and you'll see plenty of the stern, old Orthod-Ox priests wandering around, with their black robes and big beards. You'd think we were a very religious place. I guess we sort of are, if that means going to the temples and mazes and mooing over this and that,” Iron Will said, momentarily distracted as he remembered that. “Anyhow... we look right and talk a good game of purity and propriety. But... there's still the odd orgy or bit of herding going on. Every good mother cow wants her sons and daughters to hook up and form a family after marrying. Every father bull knows that there might be stray seeds coming in or going out of a marriage. You try to be faithful; you are careful and responsible. Don't bring any diseases in or let them out, don't bankrupt your family, don't make your calves suffer, don't humiliate your cow or bull, don't shame your mother or father. Incidentally, if you're over there, stay away from any bulls folks call a Cadmus or any cows they call a Pandora. Trust me.”

Fluttershy quietly absorbed the information with small nods and contemplative looks. “Oh. O-oh. I see...”

“A child isn't the same thing as marriage... it isn't even the same thing as love. You can have a child by accident, by mistake. A child may link a couple, but that doesn't mean they love each other,” Iron Will said. “I want something that symbolizes love, not just fertility. A marriage sure does that.”

Fluttershy blinked, slowly approaching Iron Will and rubbing her snout along his midsection. “I don't want it to be an accident. I want our child to mean something. To mean we want to be together. That we are together...”

“Do you love me?” Iron Will asked suddenly, gently moving Flluttershy's head to look up at him.

Unable to turn away, Fluttershy trembled softly and looked up at Iron Will with wavering eyes. “I want to... I think I do. But... I've done this job for so long... I don't even know if I love you or I'm just close to you. How would I know?”

Iron Will stared deeply into Fluttershy's eyes, stroking just under them with his thumbs. He hadn't been doing the job as long. But he had done it. He could bridge the gap. “Do you still want to do your job, even though you want to have a baby with me?”

“Y-yes...” Fluttershy replied. She was unsure if that was the right answer, but it was the true one.

“I do too. I like it. It's exciting and I'm good at it. I don't want to give it up, and I never would make you give up something you love. Even doing the Anal Butterfly, fake deflowerings and imitating a ravaged Daring Do, would you still think that making love in my bed or your bed is exciting and... special?” Iron Will asked, somewhat tentatively.

Fluttershy finally smiled and gave a nod. “Is it still special for you?”

Iron Will returned the smile and leaned down for a soft kiss. “It'll never stop being special. I never got aroused by a pony before I met you. I'm still not turned on by them in general. And...” He laughed a little, a small blush coloring his cheeks. “This is going to sound perverted and sappy but... whenever I need to get hard for a porn shoot, thinking of minotaur cows used to do it. Now you do it. You raise me up.”

Fluttershy leaned up to kiss Iron Will on the lips again. “Oh my... thank you. You really flatter me.”

“It's all true,” Iron Will said. “And do you... do you still want me to have you over at my apartment and teach you how to make traditional food? I promise, no meat dishes.”

Fluttershy pressed her head against Iron Will's chest and slowly rubbed her cheek against the solid muscles. “I would even love to go learn from all your aunts.” She felt him tense up, just a bit. But it was significant. “There's... something else, isn't there?”

Iron Will slowly stroked Fluttershy's mane, cradling her lovingly against his belly. “My family... my parents... I told you, just like anywhere else we Hellenes are filled with hypocrisy and pettiness. But we still think a lot of the airs we put on. And there's a lot of talk that passes in those temples and mazes. A reputation can wither and die at one temple brunch. They care about it.”

Fluttershy gave a slow nod, rubbing her cheek against Iron Will's belly again. “I care about you. I... love you. If I have to get married, even in an Orthod-Ox temple, I will. I love you so much I want your family to love me, too.”

Iron Will thought about what she had just said. She was... giving him what he wanted. Had she just chosen to do what he said because she was always so kind and accommodating? She hadn't really understood what it meant to marry him, given the way things really were. She was just thinking about how it was in Equestria. There was still hypocrisy and prevarication in the land, but not the same sort. They didn't accept adultery and have codes of conduct, unspoken though they were.

But no amount of kindness could make someone ignore their own internal misgivings and keep them from showing on their face. Fluttershy's features were pure and happy, a calm kind of happiness that he had seen many times... when she was speaking to him about their relationship and her excitement over what they were planning to do. She was sincere. It was the most wonderful thing Iron Will had ever experienced.

“They want our child to be born in legitimacy. I want to know you love me. We don't need to get married, not now that I understand you love me. I'll take you there someday. It'll make a nice vacation and we can meet my whole family. They'll fawn all over you and our calf.” Iron Will said.

"But, what if they realize our calf was born outside the marriage covenant?" Fluttershy asked.

"If they raise a fuss about us not being married, then they'll never get the chance to see any of us again,” Iron Will said firmly, standing tall and proud, "Grandchildren have a way of melting the most stubborn of hearts."

Fluttershy blushed hotly, as a tear slowly slid down her cheek. “It doesn't mean what I thought. Can it really be like that? Can we be married and still work at this job? I know that there are a few but they stopped working with others. I respect the choice, it makes them closer but... I like the acting, the scenes, the action... not the actors, they can be mean... but I don't mind. I can always come back to you because you care.”

“It's not 'coming back' if we're together. I realize that you're going to perform with others. It's just acting,” Iron Will said with a blithe smile, though the donkey's words came back to him. 'Some things we do to ourselves because we cannot stop ourselves. We could want to do one thing but our nature would always be in the other direction. Jealousy will drive you mad.' “And besides... you would do the same for me. Even if I am with another mare, you wouldn't hold it against me because it's just acting, right?”

“Of course! You're not doing it because you're interested in being close and emotional. You're not doing it from the heart. So it's fine. I know you really... feel for me...” Fluttershy blinked, suddenly comprehending what had always eluded her. “You... love... me...”

“You can trust me to come to you and I can trust you to come to me. We wouldn't even be having affairs like those other folks. We'd be doing a job. Clock in, have sex, clock out, go out on a date,” Iron Will said. 'We may not want to be jealous but it will always fester there, especially if there is no trust... especially if there is no trust... no trust.' That had been the condition the donkey had always emphasized and until now the thing Iron Will had ignored. He had trust. “We're in love, we trust one another. I think... I think the next time the opportunity arises... we'll make a calf.”

“I can't wait...” Fluttershy said, rearing up on her hind legs to lock her lips together with Iron Will's, her wings slowly spreading out wide.

Iron Will's hands were on them in a second, not to maul and molest like some uncouth creature might, but to massage them. He worked carefully over the feathers, primaries down to secondaries, along the coverts, ending gently rubbing the carpal joint between his thumb and index finger.

Fluttershy was moaning up a storm by the time the kiss ended, the two parting with mutual gasps, their tongues still slightly touching until they drew them back and closed their mouths. Iron Will was the first one to speak, a smile on his face. “Think we should head back to the courtroom?”

Fluttershy blushed softly, giving a shy nod of her head. “Y-yes. I should never have been so forward in public.”

“I liked it,” Iron Will said with a wink, “Don't shy away, say what you gotta say. Or do it if that's what it takes. I told you, my methods are guaranteed.”

“They really work,” Fluttershy said, dropping down to all fours and slowly trotting away, followed closely by Iron Will, who had a spring in his step that had been absent for a while.

Back in the courtroom Discord was checking his watch, lightly tapping it with his gavel. He looked up as Iron Will and Fluttershy slipped unobtrusively into the court and took their place in the gallery. “Well it's about time. We need the camera focus, you know! Honestly... they think they can just hog the camera with their plotline...” He rapped the gavel on the podium. “And we're back. Court is now back in session. I believe we had Twilight Sparkle about to yammer on about why she shouldn't be sued into the ground.”

“Ahem. Yes,” Twilight said, adjusting her glasses. She took her place behind the witness stand and looked out on the gallery. “It was never my intention to harass and single-out the studio acting as the face of all pornography in Equestria. I would have done the same for any studio, no matter the identity and ownership...”

“I've heard of this strategy! Admit that you would commit the exact same crime in a different circumstance to show you're not making it personal!” Discord cackled and struck the gavel down a few times. “I pronounce that hilarious! Is this what a degree gets you or did you need extra special training to come up with something this preposterous?”

“Please, your Honor, allow me time to explain,” Twilight pleaded, looking up to Discord.

Discord huffed and waved a hand dismissively. “Fine, fine. Please, go on, Miss Stick-in-the-mud.”

Twilight took a deep breath, regained her composure and returned to her speech. “I would be this insistent no matter what, because this is a most important matter. One of the most important matters. Politics often encompasses very broad and sweeping categories, titanic ideas that have international implications and a sense of immediacy. But really, the little things, the far-reaching things are what matter. The little nudges that, over time, move a nation.

“The mind, the sentient mind, is the most perfect creation in all the world. Nothing that any civilization has produced has come close to matching the jewel which makes all creations possible. Every invention is a pale shade, a cave-wall shadow of the glorious majesty of the real creative force, the mind. This perfect creation is a precious thing, something to be nurtured, developed, grown... and stringently protected.

“There exists out in the world a reef-filled sea of dangers that exist to twist, mislead, bend and break this mind. They are insidious, because they are so appealing. Like Sirens crying from the jagged rocks they sing a sweet song that comes to be the dirge of the decent and rational mind. Their particulars are many, but they trace back to broad heads like the tributaries of great rivers. They are called drugs, alcohol, and perversion.

“They steal the function of the mind, piece by piece, each use twisting and mangling the perfect and stable mind. The alteration, no matter the source, is intolerable to anyone that appreciates the functioning intellect. Drunken revelry, drug-fueled mania or porn-saturated lasciviousness, all are a breaking of the civilized intellect which breaks down civilization itself. These twists and breaks create crime and mayhem, hacking away at the base of a wondrous society and reducing it to a muddy, bloody, uncouth and lawless place.

“Those who intentionally inflict such on themselves are bad enough. They make the decision to destroy their perfect minds in the pursuit of cheap thrills or forgetfulness. These sad, pitiful fools think that with enough liquor, drugs or pornography they will fill a void in their pathetic lives. They destroy themselves for nothing. Tragic, but it affects only them. The harm comes when we, in our foolish drive to coddle such thoughtless creatures enshrine the right to poison minds.

“A hundred images of them, a thousand, a million are not enough. An ocean of spilled ink on the effects is meaningless. Others will follow their misguided appetites down the primrose path to perdition. One little drink, how could it harm? Just a little puff from a Joke-joint, how could it hurt? Just one dirty movie alone, what could that do? That is the end. One taste is all it takes to turn the mind from blissful purity with full clarity and potential into a hazy, shadowed mockery of what it had been, filled with an ever-growing hunger for the sampled degeneracy.

“All vices are terrible but pornography is the worst of all. The others are too base, too blatant to claim the top of the scale for horrible impact. Alcohol shows ill effects, in vomiting and accidents and poisoning. Drugs conjure images of overdoses, ruined lives and rampaging physical decrepitude. But pornography... pornography is slick and insidious. It passes like a creeping specter and crouches in the back of the mind, snaking tendrils of transgression and stabbing subtle claws of corruption into every fold and node.

“In order to procreate, intercourse must occur. Sex is a necessary evil, which has been taken over by an unnecessary evil." Twilight said as she glared at Hoity Toity. “But while it must exist it must never be allowed to occupy the consciousness. That is what pornography does. It takes the fleshy appetites that burn in every mind and thrusts them sharply to the forefront of everyday life. While in a clean mind they could have been ignored or sublimated into more productive activities, the creeping specter of pornography creates a filthy mentality that cannot think of anything else. The mind must have more! It must be saturated! And as the mind goes, so goes the body!

“Truly it is, the mind is a wonderful thing when chaste. Only when chaste and pure, untainted by any of the warping factors, can we create a truly beautiful society, a shining, glorious example of...”

Discord banged his gavel suddenly, interrupting Twilight. He had grown a large, white beard and given himself a wrinkled, elderly appearance. “You gonna wrap it up in under a hundred pages, John Galt? We've got a real plot to move along here, not some dime-store rag suitable for a doorstop.”

“B-but, I wasn't finished,” Twilight said, looking on Discord with frustration.

“Believe me, you're finished. And if I say so, well, that's how it goes,” Discord said, popping back to his usual look. “That almost sounded like your own version of masturbation. I'll bet that's what you do on the weekends, eat some health food, drink distilled water and clean-talk yourself to orgasm.”

“Clean-talk to orgasm! That's a good one!” Pinkie giggled, on her back and rolling around in a very unprofessional manner.

Twilight's cheeks burned with humiliated blushes and she seethed as she returned to her desk. After a moment of flipping through her papers and other objects she came up with a plain, blank disc. “You want to make a mockery out of the august matter of justice? Then have a parody right in your face!”

“Hmm? What's this now?” Discord asked, levitating the disk to himself. He wrapped it up in a magical field, his eyes turning static-filled as the disc spun around. “Oh my... oh I see. You certainly are flexible, Miss Sparkle.”

“That is not me,” Twilight said with an angry huff. “That disgusting exercise is called 'Loosening the Tight-Twat,' as the crude title card indicates. It came to my attention not that long ago, thanks to my faithful assistant Spike, who somehow managed to acquire a copy.” Spike did his best to hide under the table, though Twilight hardly noticed. “It was made by some actors at Bare Mare Studios, with a Changeling being cast in the role that I occupy.”

“What?!” Pinkie was on her hooves in a flash, and looking frantically at Hoity and Photo, who only shrugged their shoulders. “My clients had no knowledge of the making of that. I sure didn't. It actually sounds like fun...”

“Oh for pan's sake,” Iron Will said quietly to Fluttershy as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers in irritation, “I Was afraid something like this would happen. Mocking her only makes us look petty and adds more fuel to the fire.”

“Mimic's never had much respect for the feelings of others,” Fluttershy said softly, “Or personal space, for that matter. I'm not surprised she'd do something like this.”

“So a Changeling disguised herself as you and filmed a porno?” Discord asked, “You should take it as a compliment. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

“Please note, your Honor, that actors aren't wearing any form of protection, as required by the law at that point in time. That kind of violation imposes fines, penalties, and casts a serious pall over the industry as a whole,” Twilight said, with a certain smugness.

“Objection!” Pinkie shouted, pointing one hoof at Twilight before she slammed both down on the table. “That was produced without the knowledge or consent of the studio! That means the ones that made it were just doing what they wanted! And it falls under parody, which is funny! And legal.”

“Parody is protected by law you know.,” Discord said, as he continued to watch the video while munching on popcorn, “And as offensive as you may find it, it is clearly meant as a parody of you. I mean, could you really fit that many bananas in there? And even with all that butter and the ropes could you really perform that move with that many others that close to you in that position?” Discord asked, still watching the video.

“Oh I know parody is protected by law. That's not my objection. One of the minor, overlooked laws I had passed in preparation for the Penile Code regarded distribution of pornographic materials and the production of the same by third parties. Even these kinds of amateur sexual escapades, or 'sex-capades' have to obey certain regulations if they are distributed to anyone but the producers, which means when my assistant got a copy the whole game changed,” Twilight said.

“She's good,” Pinkie noted to Hoity and Photo.

“I'm just getting warmed up,” Twilight noted, with a winning smile to Pinkie, “This adult parody was made off-hours using studio equipment. Talk about a legal minefield! There must be an investigation of who knew what. At the very least there was misappropriation of resources, not to mention the violations for not following regulations. If the parties in question aren't fired, well, that should be good fodder for a negative PR campaign.”

“I'm afraid she has you there. There is some shaky ground going on here. I think I wasted a chocolate raincloud, it looks like she was ready to clobber you anyhow,” Discord said to Pinkie. “I am nowhere near decided on this matter but I think I may start favoring this little collection of laws. But now that you both have each other's ovaries in your pockets would you care to go on? Miss Sparkle, for that brilliant display, I'll let you call up a witness if you would care to do so.”

“Of course, your honor. I would like to call up someone who, I believe, shows off the most pressing need for extra protections and precautions. She is working in a wholly unacceptable state, and demonstrates the selfish mindset that would be fixed by the Penile Code. The porn actress known as Rarity,” Twilight said, pointing to a very shocked Rarity in the gallery.

Gasps and murmurs reverberated off the walls as Rarity stood up. Photo Finish held her breath.

“My word, this is a complete surprise,” Rarity said as she awkwardly made her way to the stand. She seemed to be rather nervous about it all, sweating noticeably and fanning herself using a piece of paper and her magic, “I only expected to be called by the esteemed Miss Pie. We were just going over the substance of her questions during the recess.”

“Woah! Watch out for the Pap Smear Blimp! No wonder you wanted to call this one up, Miss Sparkle,” Discord said with great humor. “It looks like she got a little to into her job. Or the job got into her. And no, I do not apologize for that line.”

“Hmph! I realize you are a spirit of chaos but you need not be so rude. It is most unbecoming of a member of the judiciary,” Rarity said, bouncing her mane and lifting her snout in the air while still fanning herself.

“Oh, my apologies my little knocked-up-out-of-wedlock-by-a-wholly-different-species pony,” Discord said with a grin, “But that won't affect you at all, I can tell. You seem proud of yourself. The vast array of potential fathers are all out there with you at this moment and your own sister seems to think you are the bee's knees or the cat's pajamas or the dog's bollocks or whatever animal comparisons the kids are making these days.”

Rarity glared daggers up at Discord. “You did that on purpose. You horrible creature.”

“I just love self-righteousness from someone like you,” Discord said with a dismissive wave, “You think you're so good, so noble, so righteous... alright fine, so you are! You've abandoned prejudices seen in most ponies, haven't got a jealous bone in your body and your mane is silky smooth with lots of life and bounce. Folks like you make me gag, so stuffed with all that moral fiber. You're like moral constipation.” Discord poked one finger into his mouth and mimed gagging.

“If... if I may?” Twilight, riding high on the rush of her turning things around, was starting to lose a bit of her glow as she was ignored in favor of the little war of pique between Discord and Rarity. “I have questions and comments.”

“Oh, right, the court things,” Discord said, laughing a bit, “I forget. After all, usually I'm making children cry and tripping grannies... in video games! Video games...” He put on his innocent halo again and looked out on all the disbelieving faces.

“Right... anyhow... Miss Rarity?” Twilight looked curiously at Rarity. She was repeatedly sitting and standing, her carefully-curled tail rapidly whipping about. “Is there something wrong? Are you, perhaps... under the influence of mind-altering drugs or alcohol or suffering the withdrawal of the same?”

“Ha! Do not be... do not be absurd, Miss Sparkle! I have never taken any drug in my life that was not prescribed by a physician... oh my... and I have not touched a single drop of alcohol since finding I was with pup!”

“Then how do you explain all the symptoms you manifest? Physical discomfort, uncontrollable twitching, diaphoresis, symptoms of the trailing end of usage of chemical substances,” Twilight said with a certain force, speaking more to Discord and the gallery than Rarity herself.

“I cannot properly explain but... but I can assure you it was not... the horrid... reasons that you... AH!” Rarity's sharp cry was punctuated by a splash that echoed around the room and drew numerous shocked gasps. “O-oh my word...”

“Cleanup, aisle one!” Discord shouted into his gavel, which acted like a loudspeaker.

“W-what was that?!” Twilight asked at high volume.

“I... I think my water just broke,” Rarity stammered out.

“Stop joking,” Twilight said.

“It is no joke. My puppy is coming! I-it is happening!” Rarity shouted, half in delight and half in fear. “My pup is coming! Someone film this most glorious moment! I will not lose this moment! I wish to see my child being born!”

There was a general, confused scramble following the sudden cry. As one the pack of Diamond Dogs thundered over the dividing fence and rushed to the witness box, right to Rarity's side. Spike had been hesitating, fully intent on reaching her, but not sure if he could handle her birthing a pup in front of him. Hoity was up in an instant, commandeering a news camera and knocking down the reporter holding it. “Terribly sorry, chap,” Hoity said by way of apology as he dashed off, “But the artiste in me recognizes the need and propriety of capturing this moment.”

“Just... just breathe...” Butch said, stroking Rarity's mane comfortingly.

“Here we are, capturing the magic moment,” Hoity said, placing the camera very close to Rarity's slightly-dilated vulva.

“You can't do that!” Twilight shouted, “That camera's broadcasting live! It's completely obscene!”

“Think of the ratings,” Discord said, amusing, while eating more popcorn.

“This is so wrong,” Twilight said bitterly.

“Shut it!” Rarity, Hoity and all the Dogs shouted in reply.

The pack was in motion almost as one. Butch continued to stroke Rarity's head, softly whispering into one ear; the small black Dog whispered in her other ear while he massaged her neck; the two long, lank Dogs worked on her shoulders; Rex and another of the Dig Dogs were down holding up, kissing and stroking Rarity's front hooves; the last two Dig Dogs were softly massaging her belly as she arched and twitched.

“I feel... I- oh!” Rarity shuddered hard, the males increasing the pace and desperation of their comfort. The camera's eye caught the sight of Rarity's vagina opening slight, the amnion peeking out, the semi-transparent membrane showing a single paw and a small nose.

Twilight looked on the scene in awe. These were sleaze-saturated pornographers, low and base creatures that spread filth and perversion. They ruined and destroyed minds, they poisoned society, they... Rarity let out a high pitched whine, all eight canines wincing and looking to be in great pain. The sound was not an isolated event but was continual, the noise of her reaction to birth. Even though the noise hurt the sensitive ears of the Dogs they remained, doing their best. They... cared.

“P-please!” Twilight said, “Let me come through! I can help.”

“Really, Miss Sparkle?” Hoity asked, incredulously, “You would help perversion-mongers like us?”

Twilight sighed, trotting forward slowly. “Please... I can see it's... genuine concern you have for Rarity and her child. I can help. I minored in obstetrics. If there's an issue...”

“There should be an issue!” Rarity suddenly shouted, her rear legs slowly lowering, the Dogs all helping her slowly go to the ground and onto her side. “I should be issuing this pup right this moment!”

“Right, right...” Twilight, leaned in close, using her magic to properly illuminate the area. “She's on the right track. Right now you two should feel abdominal contractions. If that stops, tell me, there may be a problem. Alright, set up a rhythm, breathe out slowly and push only when you feel like you really need to do so. Your contractions should carry you. You've already got part of the amnion out.”

The court went mostly silent, save for the whining and loud breathing of Rarity, as well as the soft coos and comforting words of the Dogs that attended to her. Twilight did not need to speak, as the birth was proceeding along properly. She had only theoretical, rather than practical experience, and more for ponies than Diamond Dogs, but nothing seemed all that unusual. The pup was emerging slowly, paws first followed by the head. The only factor slowing things was the tightness of Rarity's vaginal tunnel. She moved things along, but wasn't going all that fast.

Iron Will and Fluttershy say at the front of the gallery and watched the miracle of birth. Iron Will lovingly rubbed Fluttershy's forehoof as she rested it on his leg.

“Oh my...” Fluttershy said as she stared, transfixed, “Rarity's being stretched so wide. She'll have to stick to anal for at least six weeks, until her vagina gets tight again.”

More and more of the pinkish membrane emerged, wrapped semi-loosely around the slowly-moving pup within. Each inch of emergence was marked by a sharp whine and following sigh from Rarity, and another cuddle from the pack. Twilight was first worried about how she would cradle the pup as it slipped towards the floor, but the matter was resolved by Photo strolling up with her jacket clenched in her teeth. “You were not expecting the child to lay on the floor, were you?” She said, offering it up into Twilight's magical grip.

As the piece of clothing slipped under the pup, and was taken up by one of the Dogs, Rarity gave a strained, but real, smile. “Th-thank you Miss Finish. That... is a grand gesture.”

“No mere geshture... what ish right und proper...” Photo nodded her head and turned back, to stand with Hoity, who was regarding her with a sidelong glance and a slight smile.

A few more whines and sighs followed before the pup finally emerged, wholly wrapped in its membrane cocoon and dripping with amnionic fluid. “I must see! I must see my sweet pup!” Rarity cried, adding a soft nicker, turning her head and trying to crane her neck down to see.

“Just a moment...” Twilight used her magic to split the membrane and let the mobile puppy out into the air. Once the membrane had split the pup released soft, pleading whimpers. Its eyes were closed, its ears pulled down, body slightly curled. She slipped the amnion off completely and carefully wrapped the pup in the jacket, levitating the small figure up to Rarity's head. “It's a girl.”

Discord had left his podium and was standing behind Twilight. He held an old-timey video camera to record the precious moment.

“Awww, I had the lens cap on,” Discord said, in mock sadness, “Miss Sparkle, would you be a dear and put the little bitch back where she came from so I could record her birth?”

“Don't worry,” Hoity said to Discord, “I captured the whole thing on film.”

“Oh fine,” Discord said petulantly as he threw his camcorder away and put on a pair of 3D glasses, “I guess I'll just have to wait for the DVD release.”

Rarity gasped softly as the pup settled into her legs. She leaned in and planted a soft kiss on the tiny face. “A girl... My sweet little one... even with her eyes shut and ears pulled back I can see her father in her... Butch. Our daughter...”

Butch tentatively reached out and placed a paw on the squirming pup, breath coming in short pants. “Our daughter...”

The entire courtroom, which had been silent and filled with tension erupted in cheers as the uncertainty broke and everything seemed to be well. Applejack was standing looking, in some sense, oddly proud as she watched the scene unfold. Applebloom was beside her, looking curious. “Sis? Why do ya look so happy?” The little filly asked.

“Ya see that there?” Applejack asked, directing her sister to look at Rarity and the Dogs fawning over the small pup. “That right there is family. Sure it ain't so usual. But that there is love an' carin' over bringin' a brand new life inta the world. And there ain't nothin' at all finer than that. Ah weren't none too fair ta them folks. They really know what family's all about.”

Sweetie was allowed to approach her sister after the birth, the little filly approaching tentatively. Rarity smiled to her sister and held the pup out a bit. “Sweetie... come meet your little niece.”

“Wow...” Sweetie said, very softly stroking the puppy's head and getting a pleased coo. “She's so little. I can't believe I'm an aunt...”

“You are my sister, Sweetie,” Rarity said with a tired pride, “A most noble and upright pony. I am most certain you will make a wonderful aunt...”

Photo approached Hoity and nudged at his flanks. “Und how ish our shtarlet?”

“Happy, comforted, relieved,” Hoity replied, still manning the camera. He was no longer focused on Rarity's privates but was panning the camera around the happy scene. “This footage is made of heart and beauty. Seldom do I have the chance to capture imagery like this. It truly makes me feel like the artist I claim to be.”

“Ja, heart, beauty...” Photo watched the scene with a sort of detachment, her neutral face and dark glasses hiding any indications of her feelings. “Truth. The truth denied by they who buy our moviesh. They would never believe. But now they musht. How could they not?”

“Do I detect a change of heart, Miss Finish?” Hoity asked, with a bit of a chuckle.

“You mock but... Fraulein Rarity told me they had beautiful heartsh, that they were caring, wonderful loversh. I did not believe. I could not believe. Und now... I cannot shtop believing. Liebchen... I wash wrong...”

“You and the rest of the audience. But you have surpassed the curve. I confess, I was weak. I did not challenge, because I felt what we did sufficed. True, I used your numbers, but I chose what I did with those numbers,” Hoity said, “I was a poor artist, who never dared to try.”

“Once she ish recovered we have to rectify that,” Photo said, watching the scene with a slight smile. “Maybe we can make it work. Und if not, at leasht we tried.”

Spike had not moved since his selfish indecision had paralyzed him. He had remained behind the defense table the whole time, watching the scene with a mix of hatred, envy and shame. It should have been him. But it wasn't him. That wasn't his child, and his comfort was not what had gotten Rarity through the birth.

“Aren't they just something?” Discord's voice whispered softly in Spike's ear, a tiny version of his mouth settled beside it, giving a properly serpentine smile.

“They're... not so great...” Spike replied, his emotional confusion making him miss that he appeared to be speaking to himself.

“That's what they all say,” Discord said, “Right before they are beaten. Better, stronger, more loving, more pure in their intentions. The damsel was never in distress but you rode out on your quixotic errand anyhow, little white knight. How did that go?”

“She said she was disappointed with me. She chose them over me. When I was there, when I thought she would need me... she picked them,” Spike was looking less angry, the envy and shame all the stronger. He wanted to be them. He wanted what they had. He wanted that allowance. On seeing one of the Dig Dog's lick across Rarity's cheek he felt a sudden tightness in his trousers. He had imagined what could follow that lick because the big Dog was free to have her as he wished. Those Dogs could have what he could only dream of.

Discord's tiny mouth smiled even wider beside Spike's ear. “So then... who's the Barbecued Knight in Shining Armor now?”

Twilight was just away from the camera, standing back from the scene, as her duty was done. She still believed in the wondrous purity of the mind, but she could see past the paper-thin characters she had cast in her heroic puppet play. They were round, full creatures, full of potential. They lived in a strange world of perverse debauchery yet clearly understood love, caring, unity. And if the crazy pink one was any indication, they had plenty of intellect.

There wasn't much for her to do, as the birth had gone well. She'd just need to pack her things and go. She turned to go back to her table when she ran smack into Pinkie. “Hi!” The Pink pony cried.

“Oh! Yes... Miss Pie,” Twilight blushed a bit and stepped back, “I want you to know that I will be pulling all my support from the proposal. Your objections can stand and the Penile Code will die after moderate Parliamentary debate.”

“That's nice. Wanna get cupcakes?” Pinkie asked, bouncing around Twilight blithely.

“What?” Twilight looked at Pinkie incredulously.

“Or you can come have some free candy! It's in my windowless van,” Pinkie said, with a gigantic smile. “It's kinda gloomy but it can fit everyone. It's how we got here. And I keep it full of free candy. I just have to be careful no one tries to steal it because I wrote 'Free Candy' on it, so I would always remember.”

Twilight thought about the offer for a moment. “You know... I think I might like that. I need to learn about your techniques. As an autodidact I always take any learning opportunity, especially when I can see such obvious skill. Some candy and cupcakes might be a good way to absorb some information. In some fashion you can function even despite a questionable diet. I need to learn how.”

“Great!” Pinkie hooked a leg around Twilight's back. “So did you pledge a sorority at University?”

“Actually, I did. Not because I was enthusiastic about it,” Twilight said quickly, “But because it looks better on a resume. I pledged, got in and never participated. I was a member of Lambda Epsilon Zeta.”

Pinkie let out a tremendous gasp and looked deep into Twilight's eyes. “Are you loco in the coco? You pledged with them? Folks will think you're weird!”

“W-well, what did you pledge?” Twilight asked, suddenly slightly fearful of her choices.

Pinkie returned to trotting casually away with Twilight. “Lambda Epsilon Zeta.”