Mistakes Were Made / Lost Elements

The silence seemed unending. The tension that permeated the room was so thick it seemed one could cut it with a pocket knife. The women simply stood in shock and horror. What should they say? What could they say? Mike, meanwhile had yet to move anything other than his mouth. His eyes remained shut, and his breathing remained steady. If he hadn’t spoken, it would have been nigh impossible to tell that he was no longer asleep.

Mike hadn’t intended to deceive them. It was simply something he had always done since he was a child. He had always hated waking up in the morning. When he had company or slept at someone else’s home he had developed the unconscious habit of remaining perfectly still allowing himself to meditate and become a civil human being without the usual copious amounts of coffee he typically imbibed. It also allowed him to observe his surroundings without his presence being immediately recognized. The final bonus was that it had allowed him to avoid many a juvenile prank over the years.

Twilight shuddered in fear. This creature was completely unknown to her. What he might do, what he might say and what he was thinking were all an utter mystery to her. His knowledge was clearly beyond her own in regards to many things if he truly operated this place. His physical strength was beyond Applejack’s based on the weight they had gathered around earlier. Twilight began to tremble as she spoke. Her voice seemed on the edge of tears from what could be heard and not seen. The others remained silent.

“How… How much did you hear?”

“Everything. I’ve been awake longer than you. I knew something was wrong. I just couldn’t put my finger on what.”

“Wh-what are you going to do?”

“Precisely dick.”

A sharp intake of breath was all that could be heard in response to his choice of language. Fluttershy’s eyes darted back and forth between the pile of blankets that concealed her friend and the unmoving form that lay on the opposite bed. She didn’t understand. Was that some sort of punishment these creatures used? A form of banishment maybe?

A strange silence followed the soft squeak that erupted from Fluttershy at his pronouncement. The silence was broken by a scream as his eyes opened. He rose from the bed and in the same instant brought his feet to the floor. As he rose, Fluttershy dove across the room to protect her friend from whatever punishment he was about to give.

“No! Don’t hurt her!”

“Wait… What?”

While Fluttershy’s voice echoed the terror that was apparent on her face and those of her comerades, Mike’s was suddenly mirthful. He looked to first to her, then to the doorway where the rest were huddled. Lastly he leaned around to see the quivering mess of blankets against the far wall that concealed Twilight from view. His reaction at seeing the looks on their faces was simple. He laughed.

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Oh man. This was rich. They were scared of me? What the heck was I gonna do? They could do anything they pleased to me. I was helpless. Between the telekinesis, ability to fly, communing with nature on levels that would make a Disney Princess green with envy and to physically throw a three hundred pound tool chest when the adrenaline kicked in? Yea. I’d lose that fight no matter how you sliced it.

I might not be the best guy ever, but on top of simply being unable to win a fight, there was no way I could even start a physical confrontation with any of them. One thing my old man had taught me and taught me well was to never, under any circumstances hit a woman unless it was in pure self defense. That, and how to shop for a decent set of clothing. The crazy old codger had some freaky knowledge of how to tell what would last an age and a half and what would permanently look good. My father's fashion sense was entirely inapplicable to this particular situation though.

Damn this was funny. I get that they were scared and all. I get that now anyway. In all seriousness though, what in the blue blazes did they expect me to actually do? Yes, my truly "mighty" form would lay a single finger on the sobbing terrified mess of a girl in front of me. That single finger would be immediately ripped off along with any other offending appendage that came even remotely close by whatever response they would muster. This was utterly insane.

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Mike gasped between fits of body shaking laughter and hearty chuckles that seemed to emanate from his very core. While the women stood in terror, he could barely sit he was laughing so hard. Tears streamed down his face at the sheer ludicrousness of the situation he found himself in. As his laughter began to fade he finally spoke between some of the more minor bursts.

“Okay. Not the best choice of words. Nothing. I intend to do precisely nothing.”

Twilight was first to speak followed by a surprised series of outcries from her companions.

“What? Why?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me? Seriously? Even if I wanted to do something to you there’s no way in hell I ever could. I don’t hit women unless they hit first.” His voice suddenly turned deadly serious. His posture changed entirely. The laughter and shakes were gone as if they had never been. He shook his head slowly as he spoke again after a short pause.  “Never. I will never strike a woman unless I have absolutely no other option. That is among the worst things any self respecting man could possibly do. I was raised better than that.”

His chuckles gradually returned as he waited a moment for his words to sink in.

“Let me put it to you this way. Even if I were that kind of filth, what could I possibly do that wouldn’t end up with most of me spattered across the new carpet down here? Not much. There’s no way I could take any one of you in a fight, let alone all of you. You can all do stuff that I used to dream about as a kid. On that note, you’re obviously not from around here..."

He continued on in that vein for some time. It was an old nervous habit. The more unusual the situation, the more he rambled. There were few things on his brain that didn't eventually get voiced to the atmosphere. As he rambled, speaking to no one in particular, the girls couldn't help but be just the slightest touch amused. One virtue of that odd quirk was how at ease it seemed to put those who might be nearby.

"...I may be upset yea. Whoop dee do. In the words of an old friend of mine, ‘Ya done goofed.’ In my words, ‘Shit happens.’ From what I heard, screwing with my brain wasn’t something you intended to do. Besides, I would have helped you regardless. I probably would have done a little less though, and likely would have responded a touch differently to... some of the situations we've all found ourselves in..."

He stood and looked Rarity directly in the eyes.

“If any of you actually need me for any reason and you happen to hear music like you did before, do me a favor and pound the hell out of the door for a few seconds before you enter. “

His voice lowered and his face reddened  a bit as he mumbled, “Nobody ever sees me like that…”

Twilight was again first to speak. All traces of fear were gone. In fact she sounded like she was responding to one of the more ludicrous things her pink haired friend tended to spout.

“Seriously?”

Mike reached up and ran a hand through his hair as he began to speak again. This time his voice grew a bit more quiet.

“Well, yea. It’s sort of my personal style of meditation. The only time I’m ever really cool with somebody watching is when I swing poi…”

His voice continued to grow softer as he spoke. Much like Pinkie had been doing a passable imitation of Twilight earlier, Mike was now channeling the spirit of Fluttershy.

The tension and stress that had permeated the room was gone now. Everyone was clearly on equal footing. He was just as worried about they as they were about him. The silence grew both awkward and comical in short order. Shy smiles were exchanged between all save for one. Applejack had one of the largest grins she had yet to display in front of the stranger.

“Well, look like we’ve all been a bit silly over this whole darned mess. Plain and simple we, 'done goofed,' and started this whole affair off on the wrong hoof. What say we start over again, ‘ey fella’?”

Mike chuckled at the southern drawl of the woman in front of him. Extending a hand with a smile of his own he gave his response.

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Both grinning like idiots, they shook.

“Hoof? Seriously?”

“Cube, you've been ramblin' enough to make Pinkie quiet. Do us all a favor and shut it before you start chokin’ on your kneecap.”

"Ladies first, I insist."