The Celestial Grand Vizier

Prologue - The Loophole

The universe is something special, and Joseph respected that.

He had lost count of the nights spent stargazing, of personal projects devoted to find out what made something happen, how it happened, why it happened. And tonight was unlike any other.

He could see the stars, all of them.

Joseph lived in a growing town situated directly between Tampa and Orlando, Florida, named Lakeland; from the countless lakes and water-filled former phosphate pits that dotted the landscape. Currently, the power plant was undergoing renovations to accommodate the rising need for power. Joseph supposed it was a mistake that happened, but the entire area surrounding, and including, Lakeland was in blackout. No lights going into the air, which for once, was free of clouds or storms. And the result was magnificent.

The milky way was visible, splattered across the sky, with innumerable stars and galaxies filling the celestial sphere. A waxing gibbous moon clearly shown among them, lighting the ground without drowning out the stars surrounding the natural satellite. Joseph always was left speechless by the infinitude of it all. Of all the reactions, carefully memorized, that made the stars glow in an impossible show of heat and power. Of the radiation pouring across the great voids between great nebulae and stars, all seeming to float in an invisible sea. And how it all translated down to the tiniest detail on the smallest blade of grass beside him. The workings of the natural world were some of the few things that could fill him with awe and respect.

Now, he was no poet. By his own account, he was merely an angsty teenage boy constantly suffering from the combined stupidity of humanity. But he knew what he was, who he was, and all of it (to his continued annoyance) to a greater extent than that of his peers. He was not a genius, just a child given true self-awareness. He needed answers to all of life’s great questions, and little did he know...

Tonight he would get them.

Several thousand years ago; another place, another time...

Inside the towering, dark inferno, two eyes and a mouth screamed with enough rage to cause a god to cower.

“GRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!”

Dark red fire burst from his hands and shattered a table constructed out of cave stone.

Deep underground in the land of the dead, Hades climbed from the river Styx, and suffered from a humiliating defeat at the hands of the Wonder Boy, Hercules.

Hades’ two minions, a stout red demon named Pain, and a blue scrawny demon named Panic, knew that their master had anger problems. They knew not to mess with him when the fire donning his head turned orange, and they certainly knew not to mess with him when it turned a deep red. Despite their best attempts to hide, Hades burst into existence beside them. Towering over them in a robe of black, grey, dead skin framing two furious eyes; he was imposing at the best of times. But now, with a dark red flame engulfing his shoulders and head, casting billowing black smoke into the air, he personified death.

“YOU TWO...”

Panic acted upon his namesake and leapt to grovel at his master’s non-existent feet.

“Pl-please don’t kill us your fear-fullness!”

Pain decided to help, and joined Panic at groveling.

“Yeah! We-we’re innocent!”

Hades slammed his hand into his own face, and dragged it down. When he finally spoke, he did so with a deadly conviction... “Just. Get. Jafar. From the. River. Now.”

Panic shot up, “Th-te-the river?”

Pain added, “Jafar? What do you want with-”

“NOW!” Hades transformed into a tower of fire, and to the two minions’ credit, they ran off and performed the necessary ritual to bring a soul to the top of the river. Hades glided off up the stairs into his dark, circular planning chamber, constructed out of a cliff overlooking the glowing river Styx. He went straight through the dark, cavernous hallways into his throne room and promptly sat down upon the shadowy throne made of underworldly stone. He looked out into the long chamber, held up on either side by multiple stone columns made from conjoining stalactites and their counterparts. He hated this dreary place, hated the crying souls that kept him up at night, he hated his minions, the mortals, and his brothers and sisters. But most of all, he hated HERCULES; and right now, he knew exactly who was to blame. Because someone had to be. His plan was perfect. He spent EIGHTEEN YEARS to watch it flush down the figurative drain, there was no possible way he could of been responsible. He even had the Fates on his side! No. He could trace back ONE event. ONE EVENT that led to Hercules being able to outwit him. And there was going to be hell to pay.

Soon enough, the pitter-patter of little feet echoed through the hallways; heralding the arrival of his two IGNORANT minions, towing along a transparent ASSHAT.

The ASSHAT was Jafar, the former Grand Vizier of Agrabah, then the former Sultan, then former legendary sorcerer, then formerly omnipotent genie. If he were not transparent, he would of been intimidating. Standing tall over many other people, wearing dark and red robes from his time as sorcerer, a gaunt face, twisted beard, and empty eyes; he was the most feared man in all of Agrabah. Then he died, and under some great misunderstanding, came into the possession of Hades, Lord of the Dead.

“You...” Hades’ fiery hair turned into a deep blue flame, barely rising above his scalp.

Jafar looked up, and spoke with a haughty tone, ‘Have you finally realized your mistake, and are going to release me?”

Hades couldn’t help but chuckle, despite himself. “No-no-no-no, no! I summoned you here for a very different reason...” Hades smiled and leaned back into his chair, clasping his hands together so hard his knuckles turned white.

Jafar then said, “Well then I suppose I’m not interested,” Jafar moved back towards the hallway, dragging Pain and Panic along with him, “now, if you will excuse me, I need to get back to the innumerable crowds of dead souls. I trust you understand-”

A sudden wall of blue fire towered before Jafar and his exit. For once, Jafar was stunned into silence.

“NO YOU INSUFFERABLE...” Hades jumped up into flame, then seemed to calm down, “*ahem*... No no, I’m afraid you can’t leave just yet, Jafar, ol’ buddy ol’ pal” Hades wandered down to Jafar while talking, and punctuated his sentence with two extremely strong slaps on his transparent back. Curious it was that Hades could touch and hurt him in this state.

Jafar regained his composure a moment later, “Then what is it? I haven’t all eternity you know.”

Hades ignored his snide remark, and put his fingers together, saying in a sweet and innocent tone, “Buddy, look, remember that one time where I brought you back to life in exchange for destroying Hercules?”

Jafar raised his eyebrow, “Yes?”

Hades then mockingly scratched the back of his neck, as he seemed to struggle to find his next words. “And then... You tried to outsmart him, it worked, but he learned and managed to outwit you?”

“Yes, I remember perfectly well, he sealed my fate in being dead.” Jafar knew where this was leading.

Hades then slapped a hand on Jafar’s ghostly shoulder, “He then managed to perfect being a hero, defeated every trial I put out for him, I tricked him into signing a deal to destroy his godhood, but he found a loophole, rescued his love FROM THE RIVER STYX, AND THEN PUNCHED ME INTO THE RIVER, TRAPPING ME DOWN THERE FOR TWO YEARS, HUMILIATING ME AND DESOLATING MY PLAN TO RULE THE COSMOS?!?” Hades’ hands were now gripping his shoulders so tight, that if Jafar had bones, they surely would of been shattered by now.

“Sounds like a personal problem.” Jafar widened his eyes at his own stupidity, as Hades did something similar. Of course, Jafar did not have flaming hair that momentarily went out.

Hades’ robe that draped over his shoulder then burst into a dark cloud that surrounded him, creating the effect of a hooded cloak of pure darkness.

“III WILL END YOOOU!!!”

And much to the shock of the two minions nearby, Hades drew up a dark, clawed hand and struck Jafar; who then shrieked as his soul was shredded apart.

Now Hades was Lord of the Dead, the Afterlife, and the Underworld. He ruled over every aspect of life after death, and had complete control over it. He could consume souls if he wanted to, though he did not like to. He always looked for new ways to expand his kingdom, and as such, it has been a very long time since he erased a soul from existence.

Hades would of liked to believe that Jafar was destroyed utterly.

The fact was, Jafar did not die the first time under normal circumstances, he was a mortal turned genie, and died as a genie. Leaving his mortal soul unresolved, half of him went into Hades’ domain, and his immortal half went to another place entirely.

The genies are not human, no, they come from a different plane of existence, from their brothers, the Djiin. There is a place where Djiin and genies go when they are punished, when they die, when they are destroyed on the mortal plane. And that place was the Djiini Abyss. A realm made with punisments made to subdue gods, to contain the restless souls of those who would destroy all. And a mortal was just sent there. To a worse hell than one can comprehend. Quarter genie, quarter mortal, and only half existing.

His consciousness was transferred to this other place, where he awoke within a personal void. He did not know how, but he knew that terrible beings realized he awoke. And they were coming soon to punish him. He wouldn’t be able to resist, to escape before they came to collect them. But while in this worse hell than any hell, he would have time to read the rules of the Djiin. Perhaps he could find a loophole, let him solve this paradox that he was, so everything could be resolved.

But that day would not come for thousands of years.