Maid Just for the Readers

(Before we begin, I fully realize the fact that second-person stories starring unnamed protagonists are...Pretty much as hated as HiE stories at this point. I finalized the idea for this story in August of 2012, before stories like this were so controversial. I also realize that the titular pun is terrible. That was intentional. I don't think we need any more padding, so if you're wondering why I didn't write this sooner, ask in the comments.)

"Maid" Just for the Readers

A clop by Sonic Derpboom

Your eyes gently flutter open as you snap out of a heavy sleep. You take some time to assess your surroundings. You quickly realize that you're in your bedroom. The lighting around you that is coming from your window indicates that it's about 12:00, Noon. This is far later than you'd usually sleep. After a few moments, you realize why you slept so late.

The previous night was spent partying with friends, drinking included. You conclude that you must have gotten drunk out of your mind, came home, and crashed on your bed. Usually you would try to avoid getting intoxicated, for various reasons, but last night was an exception. You had just gotten a promotion at your job, and felt like celebrating.

You finally decide that you've spent enough time reminiscing about your alcohol-fueled exploits. You stand up, and realize that you're currently wearing a baggy t-shirt and blue shorts. Fitting sleep attire for the time of year. You think to yourself that, at least you were able to get yourself changed before falling asleep, as you despise wearing the clothes you wore the day prior to bed.

You slip some jeans on over your shorts, and exit  your bedroom. You follow your typical morning routine of a trip to the bathroom, a quick shave, and a hair brushing before setting out for the kitchen. You intend to grab a drink and head to the living room to play some video games before your day actually begins. Maybe a soda, or maybe some Orange Juice, maybe even a Gatora-

Your train of thought is interrupted upon walking into the kitchen. At first, upon observing what/who was in there, you think you might still be sleeping. You rub your eyes with your fists. No effect. The two figures in your kitchen still remain. After a few moments, you come to the come to the unwanted conclusion that they do, in fact, exist. You are not crazy.

What you're observing is something that laughs at the walls of reality and says "We do what we want." In your kitchen, stands My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic's Twilight Sparkle and Rarity, anthropomorphic, in extremely scantily-clad French maid outfits, cleaning two different areas of your kitchen.

You stammer uncontrollably, unable to properly form words. Your hands shake, rapidly. You try desperately to come up with a proper vocal reaction to the situation. Rarity turns her head towards you. She smiles, warmly.

"Oh, good morning! How'd you sleep?" She asks, shockingly nonchalantly.

The warm hospitality in her voice only serves to make you even more shocked, as well as confused, by the situation you're in. Still trying to form words, you openly shout the first full sentence that your mind can clearly conjure up.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?"

The two jump back in surprise, Twilight being only vaguely aware of your presence. They both turn to each other, as if they're both as confused as you are. They look back to you. Twilight speaks up.

"Um...I'm Twilight Sparkle, and she's Rarity." She says, obviously trying to supply a legitimate answer to your question.

You reply by letting them know that you knew that, but you're wondering a laundry list of other things. Included things are why they're real, why they're in your house, and why they're mostly human, cleaning your kitchen.

"Well," Twilight says. "We're 'real', so to say, because Princess Celestia discovered your universe, and wanted us to come explore it."

This statement only heightens your confusion. In a nuthshell, Twilight is telling you that Equestria is another existing universe, and she and Rarity were able to journey to your's via multiverse travel. You ask for more details.

Twilight supplies you with a long, scientific explanation as to the situation you're in. Rarity trails off and continues her cleaning. After a few minutes of Twilight's techno babble, you finally decide to let her move on to the next question. You openly display your disinterest in the science of Multiverse Travel, before asking her why she and Rarity were mostly human.

"Celestia thought that humans would be more socially accepted than ponies." Twilight begins. "However, she couldn't create a spell quick enough that could accurately replicate a species that we had just discovered, so she just kind of winged it."

You propose the thought that Celestia is all powerful, and that you thought that she could literally do anything via magic.

"Of course not!" Twilight sharply replies. "Imaging how ridiculous it'd be if Celestia just...Decided to send me and the other elements to another universe with no prior planning, preparation or even finding replacement elements beforehand! It'd be even more ridiculous if she just happened to have a spell prepared for that specific situation!"

You apologize for that apparently offensive statement, before  turning your attention to their extraordinary features. Their horns and Twilight's wings. You ask if they have the ability to utilize those as potently as in Equestria.

"In all reality, I can't use my wings, or a lot of my spells." Twilight answers. "I can really only use my levitation and my teleportation, but even that's limited to a few feet at a time."

"My magic is limited, as well. " Rarity chimes in.

You then realize that you should have asked a certain question much sooner. You bring up the very curious thought of how the two got into your house.

"Oh, um..." Twilight says, rubbing the back of her head, nervously. "Well, Celestia observed some humans who best fit the criteria for the studies she wanted us to do. You fit the role best."

"So she sent us directly into your home!'' Rarity finishes. "By the way, very nice house."

You openly express that you detest the thought that the two had been in your house all night, pointing out how intrusive and somewhat disturbing the thought is.

"Yes, we know." Twilight says. "But Celestia just sent us here. We didn't know where we were going to end up."

You decide that you won't make a dent in their thought process of "the princess demanded, we follow", via logical reasoning, so you decide to dismiss this conversation. The final question you have (At least for the moment) is why they're dressed the way they are. You ask with sarcastic curiosity why they are dressed in very exposing french maid outfits.

"Heh...Well, C-Celestia wants us to study...Um..." Twilight continues to nervously trip over her words for a few moments.

"Oh, for goodness sake, Twilight." Rarity interrupts. "Must I say it for you?"

With these words, she steps over the counter that she was previously cleaning and approaches you. Part of you wants to step back, or at least question her motives, but curiosity gets the best of you, and you let her continue walking.

She stops when she is about a foot away from you. Given the situation, this makes you very uncomfortable. What she does next only serves to reinforce this. She places her hand on your shoulder, while the other is firmly planted in the middle of your chest. She then proceeds to slowly slide her upper-right leg up the outer side of your own, until her inner thigh is pressed against the side of your leg. You look at her face to see her giving you a half-lidded stare. You ask her what she's doing, sharply.

"One of the things Celestia wants us to study is..." She moves her head closer to your's. "Human mating"

This statement is enough to make you jump back in surprise. Rarity, due to losing you as balance, almost falls over. She swiftly catches herself by planting her right leg on the ground before she tilts too much to save herself.

You wipe your shirt with your hand. You comment that her very vulgar reply didn't help to answer your question. It only served to make the situation even stranger than it already was.

"We observed a few pieces of human media that we retrieved from Lyra Heartstrings before coming here." Rarity says. "We determined that this was appropriate attire for the studies that the princess wanted us to do."

You finally succumb to the absolute absurdity of what's going on around you. You lean on your kitchen counter, sigh, and speak up. You state that you're flattered that they chose you to study, but you have no interest in having relations with the two of them. You then ask why they can't just observe something like an erotic film or magazine.

"Celestia says we need first-hand study of each of our objectives." Twilight answers.

You bring up the odd nature of Celestia, the goddess of the sun, practically demanding that two of her subjects, one of which being a fellow princess, have sex with a member of a newly discovered race.

"I objected at first, too!" Twilight says in response. "But, she told me that she would grant me my own kingdom if I did this, so I...." Her voice trails off.

You then turn your head to a clock on your wall, wondering how much time you've spent on this ridiculous situation. You are shocked to see that you only have 30 minutes until work. You consider taking the day off to sort out what is happening, but you realize that your boss would never believe you if you tried to explain to him what was happening. Coupled with the fact that you just received a promotion, attempting to call in was not an ideal plan.

You curse under your breath, before turning to the two reality-bending sub-humans in your kitchen. You hesitate for a moment, before speaking up to the two. You propose a deal. You say that if they watch your house for you while you're at work, you'll help them study what ever Celestia has assigned them to study.

"Including...." Rarity says, her hands twirling in a fashion that serves to indicate her intentions of you finishing her statement.

You do as she wishes. You swallow any sense of decency that you have left, before saying that if they watch your house for you, you'll 'engage' with them.

Rarity looks upon you, happily, while Twilight repeatedly shifts her head between the two of you, a worried look embedded on her face.

"W-Wait...Rarity..." Twilight says to her fellow quarter-pony. "We shouldn't try to force him in case he doesn't want to."

"Oh, Twilight. Honestly." Rarity says with a slightly irritated tone-of-voice. "Mare-up, I'm surprised you haven't experienced something like this already."

"I HAVE" She replies, contradicting Rarity. "Just not with..." Her voice trails off as she tries to subtly point to you.

You almost gag thinking that you've just agreed to have sex with these two. You give the two a vocal signal that you're leaving, tell them not to get into anything that they haven't already, and set out.

On the walk to your car, you realize the gravity of the situation you've just put yourself in. You've agreed to have sexual intercourse with two women who are about 25 percent horse. You gulp. After considering it for a few moments, you come to the conclusion that you won't be having sex with these two.

You'll just have to break it to them when you get home.