On Light Hooves I Tread 1.5 - The End of The Fourth Wall as We Know It
a Fanfic by Adam J Nelon
Prologue: The Breach
It was an average day in Equestria. One month ago, I had left that wonderful place to resume my own average life in the Human World, memories of that wonderous place still fresh in my puerile head. While a lot of people - or to be more precise, ponies- had been missing me since my departure, many kept about their daily rhythms as normal. Derpy was still delivering mail. Cherilee was still schooling. Vinyl Scratch was still at the tables. Status Quo as normal returned to it's natural flow for everypony.
Well, unless you were a pony like Pinkie Pie.
Today, she had just finished yet another exhausting day of foal-sitting the Cakes' two children, and, as anypony like her would be, she was at a loss of what to do. She considered throwing a party, but she couldn't find quite a decent reason for her to throw one. Of the very small list of things that would require reason for Pinkie to execute, it was planning and throwing a party. While many consider her a very bohemian equine, that one fact was the greatest constant in the pink filly; For every party, there must be a who, where, when, why, and how behind it. She couldn't just party for no particular reason! That would be silly!
As she cantered out, thinking (in a very loose sense of the term) of something fun to do, she then considered one of her other favorite passtimes; seeing friends. But who would she give the pleasure of a visitation? Twilight was doing reshelving, Fluttershy was tending to ducklings, Applejack had a winter harvest to finish, Rarity had a winter apparel line to plan, and Rainbow Dash, as she often always was, was going to be training until dusk in that vain attempt to join The Wonderbolts A-Squad. So, with her 5 closest of companions out of the running for a visit, who would she possibly go to see?
Just as she pondered the myriad possibilities inside her head, she noticed a large pile of snow. Temptation rolled into her head. All that hard work made her body burn, and she needed the sweetest relief of coldness to relax her aching muscles. That thought creeped into her mind like a snake, and soon enough, she couldn't resist that temptation any further. Plop! Into the snow she jumped, making snow angels as she giggled.
"Ah...nice and cool." The magenta mare sighed, dreamily.
Her need to cool off satisfied, Pinkie Pie returned to walking, humming a tune in her head. Hearth's Warming Eve was fast approaching, and she couldn't wait to celebrate! She had so many gifts to plan, so many cookies to bake, so many carols to sing! She was ready to wow everypony with her glee at the holiday season once again. When it came to holiday parties, especially of the Pinkamena Diane Pie variety, it was best to say, "Accept no substitutes!"
With no real idea forming in her head, Pinkie stole away to the Park, bouncing as if her hooves were coated in blue repulsion gel. It was here, however, that she noticed something very peculiar. As peculiar as she was, saying something was peculiar to her was a statement of utter shock.
Before her stood a crackling mass of static electricity. In one small hole in this mass, a vague image of someone familiar to her appeared.
I froze at what I myself was seeing. Pinkie Pie was looking directly at me. She had found a hole in the imaginary "fourth wall", which was normally the only boundary between fiction and reality. (Or, rather, in this case, one reality to another.) I had found myself as the victim of the inevitable forgone conclusion that everyone had anticipated with Pinkie Pie; She had found the fourth wall. What was going to happen was inevitable. With this sight, I slowly scooted my chair across the tile floor as I saw the pony's tail wagging. I scooted it as close to the wall as possible, so that what I knew she was about to do wouldn't send me falling to the floor, and by proxy, prevent the alerting of several people in the process.
I saw her crouch low, ready to leap at me as if she were a panther ready to pounce, and steeled my nerves. Here it comes, I thought, opening my arms, ready to catch her. I supposed to myself, if I was going to be the herald of the world's first dimensional cross, I may as well be ready to catch the proof...And then, that moment of truth. I saw that blur of pink leap from the crest of the park's hill...and from there, in a cascade of magical aura and electricity, the impossible, yet inevitable event had occurred.
Pinkamena Diane Pie, a little pink pony, had not just broken the fourth wall; She outright went straight through it. And with this, she landed in my arms, her mane and tail in even more disarray than normal.
"Hi, Adam! How are you! Sorry I just came in, but I just saw you typing and I was all like, 'Omigosh, it's him!' so I came to see you! Hey, where is-"
I put a hand to Pinkie's muzzle until she finally silenced.
"Shh...you need to be quiet!" I hissed lowly.
"Ah dhh?" Asked Pinkie through a muffled voice.
"You're gonna wake someone!"
"Ah mm?"
I nodded, walking her slowly into my bedroom, shutting the door, then releasing her from my silencing grip. She smiled.
"So what is this place? It's all dark and dull!"
I chuckled. "You're in the Human World, Pinkie. Meaning, you're where I live on a regular-"
I stopped short, seeing Pinkie Pie was more interested in seeing for herself all the wonders of my world than me explaining it. Surprise, surprise. Then she noticed the gray cube that was strewn across my floor. My Nintendo Gamecube. A grey, aging, yet still functional cube-shaped machine that provided the world with such great games that to this day, people still buy and sell these things away. And while was definitely one to share, seeing a pony fiddling with this was an odd spectacle.
"What're you doing, Pinkie..." I groaned, plopping onto the bed.
"I saw one of this a long time ago! But I never had enough money to buy one! Hey, can I play it? Better yet, will you play it with me?!"
"Uh...I dunno..."
"Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......" Began Pinkie with a pair of puppy-dog eyes.
"Uh..."
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......"
"Uh..."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA......"
"Okay! Okay! We'll play."
She then drew her forelegs up, screaming, "YAY!" before I could cover her mouth. I then stood still, searching with my ears for any sounds of approaching persons. Thank goodness no one was alerted by that sound. With that, I picked out the only real multiplayer game I had at my disposal. Sonic Adventure 2. It wasn't exactly the best two player experience, but it was better than some others. She made beginner's mistakes, but if there was one thing I immediately noticed, it was that in spite of her often ditzy behavior, Pinkie was a very swift learner...so swift, in fact, it almost matched my own...But, that was not what surprised me. What was more shocking, was the fact that a pony like her was able to finely manipulate a controller rife with triggers, sticks and buttons with her hooves, and nothing else.
Part of me wanted to try to figure out how this magically-endowed equine was able to accomplish feats of fine manipulation with no peripheral or attachment, but that same part then realized that he was trying to rationalize Pinkamena Diane Pie, which was a feat among gods, considering what else she was capable of. Regardless, I decided to test her a bit.
"Hey, Pinkie?" I asked, laying my controller prone.
"Yeah?" Pinkie asked, turning around.
"Think we can try a different game?"
"Sure! I love playing games! What is it?"
I cleared my throat to try to imitate the call that this game had.
"Resident.Evil.FOUR!"
She just giggled at my poor attempt at frightening her. Stupid! I forgot she was the bravest pony of the six. She was the living embodiment of laughing in the face of danger. It was literally her element! Regardless, I placed the small cookie-sized disk into the silver cube, thereby starting up the game.
"You should try the Mercenaries mode. It's nice and Arcade-y." I said, smiling.
"Great Idea!" she chirped, getting started. She took a moment to gawk at the five characters she could muck about with; Leon, Ada, Wesker, and Krauser. She hovered over Wesker for a moment.
"Welll...this guy looks kinda cool, but...." She hummed, switching to Krauser, "...this guy looks better!"
Then she noticed a man wearing a strange gas mask, and immediately beamed over to him.
"Oh, this one is silly! Let's play with you!"
I held back a snicker. Next, she had to pick her stage. There was the Village, the Castle, the Military Base, and Water World. I kind of figured that she would with the village stage.
And now to sit back and watch the fireworks. Music had begun to flood through the one speaker of my television, in a decisively techno beat. Naturally, the pink pony had begun to bob her head to the music, forgoing any prompts and beginning the game. The first few moments were her wondering around the playing field until some gratuitous Spanish flooded the game.
"Detrás de tí, imbecil!"
Pinkie quickly spun around the Gas Masked man, greeting the pasty-faced not-zombie Spaniard in front of her.
"Hola! Como estas ustudes? Tu Quieres la Fiesta?!" She asked. Wait a minute. since when did she know how to speak Spanish!
Chop. One axe to the shoulder for one invitation to a virtual party. These not-zombies didn't want to party her way.
"Ow! Meanie! Didn't anypony teach you manners?!" She said, "accidentally" shooting the axe-wielding farmer.
"Whoops! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to shoot you!"
Chop. Another axing.
"Ow! Okay, that's it! Time to punish you!"
Rata-tat-tat. One TMP barrage, and one dead Ganados. Score blinked to life, and a little box of ammo glowed.
"Ooh! Shiny thingy!"
More ammo.
"Okay, I think I got it. These guys want me to play police pony! It makes sense now!"
She darted off then, going to spray and pray more Ganados with her SMG.
"Dance, monkeys, dance!"
Suddenly, the roar of a chainsaw chugged to life.
"Is someone sawing logs?"
Just as she turned 180, the crazed Bella sister gave the gask-masked persona of Pinkie Pie a free haircut and lobotomy. The little pony did a routine where she played dead. I couldn't help but chuckle.
"That was fun. Can I do it again?!"
I chuckled at her. "Maybe later. Right now, I wanna show you something."
I brought Pinkie Pie to the part of the kitchen where my aforementioned HP Compaq laid idle since Pinkie Pie's chance meeting with me. I didn't want to make the same mistake that some others had made when dealing with a living, breathing cartoon character. I pulled up a chair, which she sat in, and opened a video file for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Not too long ago, the final episode of the year had aired, called "Hearth's Warming Eve". In this, Pinkie Pie was part of a play in Canterlot detailing the founding of Equestria as a nation. Pinkie Pie herself played the leader of the original Earth Pony faction named Chancellor Pudding-head, who got her name from the rather odd hat she wore at all times.
Pinkie Pie's reaction was...expected, but underwhelming. I would've thought that her darker persona would have come to front row from the revelation, but what I instead got was probably the most positive reactions to a normally stunning reaction ever.
"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! That's me! Right there! Look!" She said, pointing to the screen, one hoof on her face full of glee. "I'm famous! I got a cartoon made with me in it!"
"Actually..." I whispered. "You are the cartoon."
And then Pinkie Pie was a Zombie.
Okay, that was a poor joke, I'm sorry. Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah! Pinkie Pie took the fact she was a cartoon character very well. But now, she was trying to figure out how the Third Dimension worked for her, and what I saw next was a feat only she who could warp the fabric of reality could do. She became a living mural on the wall.
"Look! I'm a painting!" She said, posing with a quizzical smile. "I'm the Pony Lisa!"
I giggled a lot from that. What was once reasonable worry for the mental well-being for this possibly psychosis-bred pony was now joy for her company. I could tell that for the time that she was staying, it was going to be a good one.
After one minefield was artfully leaped across, I now decided to take things a bit slower. Since she wasn't good at video games (or at least the ones I had), I decided to engage her in my preferred pastime; Dungeons and Dragons. 2 years of actual gameplay and a little bit of self-learning made me a passable dungeon master, and while there were no true rules for Ponies, that didn't stop me from house-ruling the Equestrian Gamut together. I let her make herself into Pinkie Pie the Perplexing, an Earth Pony Bard. While she was perfectly able to get the old sword-and-board strategy, she preferred to solve encounters with songs and chanting than with combat.
"Suddenly, from around the corner to the brook, you find.." I wound, beginning to roll dice. "A terrifying Dire Rat! Woo!"
Pinkie Pie smiled, a hoof to her chin. "I cast my Deep Sleep Song!"
"Go for it!"
The dice clicked the floor, and my eyes grew wide. A critical success.
"Your song of deep slumber has soothed the savage beast!"
"Ooh, can I sing it for extra XP?"
I shrugged.
"Yay! Okay...how'd that song go..." She paused. "Oh yeah! I remember!"
"Hush now, quiet now
It's time to lay your sleepy head
Hush now, quiet now
It's time to go to bed... "
I giggled. "Okay. Five Experience Points just for actually doing it."
All and all, for a solo campaign, she was a good player. How she'd work in a group, I'd never know.
Later that night, Pinkie Pie approached me, her stomach growling.
"Uh...Adam?" She asked, a tad uneasy.
"Yeah?"
I was immediately grasped by the shoulders as I heard her snarl into my ear, "I'm hungry..."
I was partially afraid at the fact she was telling me of her hunger like she was a wild animal. But, knowing who Pinkie Pie was, it would be be a cakewalk to see to it that she was fed.
With this, I stole away to the kitchen, rummaging through the cupboard to find something sweet for Pinkie. Let's see...cereal? Nah, Breakfast time was several hours ago. Cherry-filled chocolate cakes? Maybe, but as it stood, very few lied in the box. Ah, there's the money maker!
Just in view, a bag of marshmallows. Jet-puffed, and a chocolate vanilla swirl. The perfect flavor! As I brought it to the bedroom, in a blur, I saw the bag vanish as the sugar-crazed filly gnawed away at the puffed piles of white and beige delight.
"Mmm...nom nom nom! How did you know I like Marshmallows?"
I smiled. "Just a hunch."
Then, a mischievous grin took to my pink house guest's face, and as the next two words exited her mouth, I was ready for anything.
"Marshmallow Fight!"
Within seconds, marshmallows flew across the room, their softness causing barely audible poofs to take the room. Utter hilarity had ensued then, with an almost eternal struggle until we both simply ended up bursting into synchronous laughter. Ah, that puerile bliss never gets old.
The final hours of the day had begun to near. And now, the one thing that I was going to prove to be an awkward ordeal; bathing. While I wasn't truly a stranger to bathing with people, bathing with a pony, even a close friend, was an alien concept to me. But, as I began to see we had to do, I warmed up to the concept. Besides. I'd never quite bathed an animal before.
First, I went around the house as a last call before the shower commenced. Then, I went into the bathroom, Pinkie Pie taking point, tiptoeing (or, rather, tip-hoofing) to the bathroom along with me. After that, I turned the water of the bath on, getting the temperature ideal to my taste before lifting the small pin to activate the shower head. And, as a natural bit of courtesy, I allowed Pinkie inside first.
I won't go into the details of this shower, for two reasons. One, it was a private matter, and I'm pretty sure that you could imagine the intimacy of two friends enjoying a nice shower together, and Two, if you wanted to know the finer details of such and undertaking, than obviously your head has seen far too many gutters.
What i will go into detail of is this brief aftermath. As one would expect, Pinkie Pie's mane didn't stay poofy with water. Indeed, it drooped into her "Pinkamena" state. However, just as I began to get a towel for her wet mane, it exploded back into its shape right in my face. I guess either this was a natural trait of Pinkie Pie, or this mane had a mind inside it.
Following the shower, and a brief bit of digital rambling, bedtime approached. I think I already addressed this in the previous denotation of my undertakings with these equines, but if I didn't, then remember this: The time I get up in the mornings is typically between either 4 am to 6 am, and the time I go to sleep is usually 10pm. So, suffice it to say, I'm both an early bird and a late snooze. Not that Pinkie Pie worried. By the time that bedtime was near, she was surprisingly as tapped for energy as I was.
With this, I'll try to keep it simple. When it comes to sleepwear, I typically sleep with socks on. Make of that how you will, but if I must go into any greater detail, than I will be brief; Being exposed to a world where clothing was little more than a novelty kinda stuck to me like a duck to water.
With this, I wrestled with the sheets of my bed until they formed three complete layers of comfort, giving to Pinkie a special blanket. What this blanket was was an oddity. Basically, you know what happens when a mommy long sleeve shirt and a daddy wool blanket love each other very much. Well, you get this thing. Pinkie Pie found it adorable, and cuddled with it gingerly. I smiled as we slipped under the covers, laying prone on my side to the wall, Pinkie yawning as she hugged me lightly.
"Good Night, Adam..." She whispered, nibbling on a lock of my hair playfully, to which I giggled.
"Night, Pinkie..."
All and All? It was a weird day, but for all it was worth? It was utterly worth it.
A familiar dream came to mind as I was washed into the tide of a rainbow. Before me stood almost nothing but air and light. Then, the silhouette of Princess Celestia came into view before me, and already, she was laughing like a kid in a candy store.
"I see it's finally happened?" She asked curtly.
"What do you mean?"
"It seems Pinkie Pie finally officially broke this "Fourth Wall" I've heard so much about. To be honest, I knew this would come to pass sooner or later..."
"Hah. You and me both, Your Highness."
The Reagent of the Sun chuckled to my curt reply.
"It seems that either your good humor has not changed since your departure, or Pinkie Pie's Element of Laughter has been radiating on you..."
Okay, that was a bit creepy. Considering some of the things I've seen, played, heard, and read, the concept of an Element of Harmony having radiation wasn't the most innocuous thought to mind. Thankfully, she meant the benevolent connotation of the word, so my worry was short-lived. The winged unicorn (or was it horned Pegasus?) craned her neck towards me, beckoning me to hear her plea.
"If you could, Adam, please take good care of her. I've done my best to make sure that you don't have to worry about her wanderlust, but keep her safe. I can't begin to imagine what Twilight would do to either of us if she found she was gone for good."
I bowed to my equine liege. "Of course, Your Grace. I will care for her as I would my dearest friend or closest kin."
Celestia chuckled more. "Ah, your elegance persists, even though we are more than simply Teacher and Student. You don't have to revere me as a goddess. I've more than enough of that to last me a lifetime."
I nodded, smiling. "My apologies, Princess."
"Think nothing of it. For now, I would rest. You'll need it.." She teased, her tongue sticking out as she, and the rainbow that symbolized her, faded into nothingness.
With this dream having ended, I conclude this escapade of interdimensional intrigue for now. I must rest now, and hopefully, with that rest, my clarity (and hopefully, my lucidity) will return.
