Okay, okay. I'm going to skip a bit forward because my recovery is long and boring and decidedly painful. Mostly for me. Accounts of my laying around being fed vary widely. Sturdy claimed I was delusional, making up stories of fire and water spewing from the mountain at the heart of the world and claiming that lightning could talk and was a boring conversationalist. Crater insisted that I wouldn't calm down enough to sleep without somepony laying on top of me, a job she was usually delighted to perform. Others were a bit more outlandish, making up stories of strange glowing beings visiting me in the night and the tent dripping water over me days after of not so much as a drop of rain.

Ignore them. I guess they wanted a legend of their own and here I was, a being different to them that was tying them together with the promise of a better life. So I was turned into that legend. I meant the whole Red King thing as a joke, but then they took it too seriously, and too far. The fact that we later had a Black Queen and a White Lord is proof enough of that. Again, I'm getting ahead of myself with silly details.

Timeskip begins now. Picture months flying by in the blink of an eye. The rains and the fertile mud that the rains swept in were full of long dead seeds, but that tiny vine that crept it's way out of the cathedral wasn't. It flourished in the half-light. I was told that it was tasty, but left much to be desired. That was of course, after the euphoria of GROWING FOOD faded into the background. Given the starvation that had plagued them until the moment the first leaf skittered across our patch of rocks and dirt, that took a long time. That particular discovery was something I had missed while I was delirious from pain, fever, and several missing bits of important skin.

But they were happy. They were eating, they were drinking and they were happy. Some of the ponies even reported dimmings and brightenings in the sky every so often. Oh but that got them going. I heard the party was something to witness. "The Red King has tamed the sky" they said. "The Red King has brought back the day and the night!" they exclaimed. "The Red King can tame lightning WITHOUT magic!" they chanted. The legend thing is a little creepy. Really.

I can do without it.

So yes, time passes. Ponies build tents, then actual buildings. The only thing that changes in my original large tent-building-thing is the giant chair. Made from driftwood, they tell me. Packed together and carved lovingly by sharp hooves and detailed by sharper horns. I hear that's something special for a unicorn to carve something with their horn and not their magic. Not that that's an issue here, but I appreciated the gesture. Comfy chair, too. More often than not I just kind of dumped Crater in it and went to work on something that needed doing, but it was comfy for when I wanted to pretend to be a king and dole out laws and solve problems.

Which I did. I like to think justly. "This neighbor stole my leaves"/"They were over my side of the fence" was a common one. My solution? No fences. Also stop bitching, the stuff's growing everywhere. I figure if we start fencing ourselves off we'll start metaphorically fencing ourselves off. So every fence was immediately torn down. I was softer with the judgment calls after that.

We had a diverse lot. Ponies of the academic societies, sailor types and even a few actual thieves graced out midst. The scientists were happy to study, the sailors were working on building a boat and in a twist of happenstance I accidentally created a guild of thieves who only stole from approved members, i.e. themselves. Well, themselves and me. Anyone who held that staff I fished off the first shipwreck at the end of the tensleep got a pat on the head. What? They were a simple folk really. Just needed something to do that involved their special talents. Which was stealing.

After a few months of pleasant boredom, or what I assume was pleasant boredom that took months, I had yet another dreaming visit from our favourite dream-walker. Oh she was present a few times before that, but it was a conversation we'd had a thousand times before.

"You're a monster."
"No you."
"No you"
Give me my country back."
"No you."
"No you."

Like that, backward and forward for hours on end. I think she was just looking for something to do with her nights. Ponies must be really boring if she had time to endlessly argue with me.

"So, monster, we have come to you tonight with a different topic of conversation."
"Hit me, Luna. I'm up for a good old fashioned chin wag."
"We will ignore that confusing silliness. We wish to discuss the future of your little-" she grimaced in distaste "society."
"Well finally. So, I'm getting the keys to the place...when?"
"When you pay us your bond and no further." Huh. That was unexpected. Counter-reference. Not bad, pretty princess.
"Alright, you've got my attention. What's your idea of bond?"
"You are to be incarcerated for crimes against the crown immediately."
"If I'm in prison, then who gets the keys?"
"That is not our concern. Our sister will facilitate the transfer of the 'keys' you insist on referring to."
"Alright, done."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that. Most of the little ones down there aren't supposed to be. They had families they'll never see again, friends that miss them, careers that are now up in smoke. They had lives, and Tartarus ruined them. The dust got in their system and choked the bright happy right out of their souls until nothing remained but emptiness and the resolve to die. Now look at them. One bit of good fortune and they're practically shining. When they learn they can sail home, they're going to shine brighter than the stars themselves. That's your thing, isn't it? Stars?"
"Y-yes. I am the princess of the night." Singular pronoun. She wasn't expecting that.
"Good. Then while I'm in prison somewhere, they're your responsibility, I'm not having them wander off into the uncharted sea alone. They're going to be stars, blue." I paused. "and that makes you their guide."

We didn't speak for the rest of the dream. Just hovered in the blackness, looking at each-other. Romantic? Back of the room. Go on. Shuffle back. No. The indigo princess did nothing for me. Too...whatever she was. Yes, that. I'm fairly sure I did nothing for her either, not everyone's a fan of xenophilia and since it's my story no-one's getting laid. Not even me, so shut it before I kick you out of the room.

Now where was I... Right, the deal. I get locked in jail and everything else goes free. Seems horribly unfair, right? Right. Well. This is the point where I got to know how Celestia worked. Remember how Luna said her sister would be the one to handle it? That was a good thing. A very good thing. It's also the reason that alliance went back on the table.

A few sleeps of planning later, we got this thing together. I was to float, row, or swim out to the storm wall, where the dust's magic-sapping effects were the weakest. We had a few boats by that point. They never did anything but they made the sailors happy. Not hurting anyone by existing, they were shoddy and ramshackle and made from stripped off timber and some hollowed out tree, I just sort of let them be. Until now, that is.

My destination was obvious. The glowing portal that wasn't there the sleep before that showed through to a land of happy sunshine and wonder. I think it gave me diabetes just looking at it. Even the smell of dirt was saccharine. Gross. Celstia stood up front, with a number of angry looking guards behind. Quite a number, now that I think about it. Might have been anywhere from twenty upwards.

Celestia spoke first. "Greetings, Red King Ayre of Tartarus. We are here today to deliver your punishment for defying the rightful Equestrian government, claiming royal status without legitimate title, misusing Equestrian lands for your own purposes, squatting, unlawful salvage of Equestrian trading vessels and a number of other changes. You have accepted your punishment and thus the law will be merciful."

There was a pause in the conversation.

"Ayre of Tartarus."

Birds chirped in her world. The barely contained storm rumbled in mine.

"You are sentenced to."

The guards sneered. The waves crashed against my spit of a boat.

"No less than..."

The winds synched up for a moment, carrying the smell of salt and sugar.

"One hundred..."

Yeah, here it comes.

"Days in..."

Wait what?

"The Exiled land of Tartarus."

Wait.

WHAT?

"Time previously served will be included in this term if incarceration."

She's messing with me. She has to be.

"Said time of ninety nine days will be deducted from your sentence, and you will serve the remainder in the prison you have been sentenced to."

No...

"As per the agreement, I will now teleport the deeds to Tartarus to your home, at which time you may sign them with the quill provided and become sole inheritor of the lands and any legal title which rightly belongs to the holder of said lands."

You've got to be kidding me...

"Now, have you anything to say before sentence is enacted?"
"What are you doing in two days time?"
"Entering into alliance negotiations with the Red King of Australis. Farewell, Ayre of Tartarus. May the fates be merciful."

The portal shut with not a peep of fanfare. I liked her immediately. I still like her. Before you open your mouth, the next one who asks about any romance subplot gets kicked out. Got it? Good. A gentleman never kisses and tells anyway.

Yeah, mull that over. I know she did.

While he's pondering what I mean, let's continue on. Everything was exactly where she said it would be. Except Crater, who was playing with the quill. I had a number of quills. All donated by local pegasi. Exactly one from each. I was really going to have to ask what that meant one of these days. Some of them went bright red when they gave them to me, already sharpened. I don't know how green and brown ponies can blush red, but It's apparently possible.

I signed the papers. They predictably disappeared to parts unknown. So apparently transferring paper isn't impossible as long as the other end is the one doing the magic. Good to know. I was just signing the last document when...

"Ayre. We need to speak."
"What's on your mind, Sturdy?"
"You have overstepped your bounds."
"My what now?"
He nodded at the feather I was writing with. "Do you know what that is?"
"A feather?"
"Indeed. It is a pegasus feather."
"From a pegasus, yes. I know. Well, this ons isn-"
"It is a token of favour."
"Okay. I'm sensing a lesson in pony customs here, so let me have it."

He let me have it. That was a lecture I'm not repeating. He told me how each of the pony tribes all have their own methods of showing respect, love and adoration. Earth ponies will make something intricate and beautiful and give it as a gift to show respect or something small and infinitely valuable for love. For unicorns a well woven spell crystal or recurring matrix spell, whatever that is, represents ever renewing love and something they have marked with their horn represents adoration. For pegasi, it's a little different. For both respect and love a gift of a feather is traditional, but it's which feather marks the distinction. A smaller feather, usually one of the unimportant ones, marks respect and the larger ones that control flight display love in that they would put their lives into their intendeds hooves.

"This is why your use of that quill in that manner is disgraceful."
I checked the quill. Yup, it was the one Celestia sent. "Look, Sturdy, this is-"
"I am aware of that this is. It is a travesty. You will apologise to the mare who gifted you this token of love and you will do it now."
"I can't do that-"
"You will do this or I will fracture your limbs and drag you to them."
"This is a writing quill."
"Oh? Is that all pegasus culture is worth to you? A writing impliment." He snorted in disgust.
"No, Celestia sent this."
"The Princess favours you so?" Okay, this is silly. This went on for quite a while before he accepted that yes, this was a quill for writing and not from a pegasus, princess, which are obviously a seperate tribe, gryphon, whatever that was, or any other sentient. Even then he looked at me sideways.

Crater, of course, found it hilarious and fell off my throne laughing about halfway through. I swear all that one does is laugh at me. Laugh at me and be cute.

I slept my last as Ayre, and awoke as Ayre, the Red King of Australis. Which I now owned. Oh, the ponies threw a banquet of vines, leaves, stewed vines, more leaves, and the small berries that seem to appear whenever the vines are stewed. They tasted like...tasty ash. Not bad though. The party was part celebration, part coronation and part religious ceremony. I didn't like how this was going. They put a crown of carved wood, polished stone and wrought glass on my head and a cape of sailcloth on my back. They called me the Rightful Lord and the True King and made toasts of water to Australis and everypony shouted to the Storms Above that everything was going to be different now.

I didn't feel any different.

I sure didn't like all those capital letters.

Author's Note

I have to remember that this is Ayre telling the story later on in his life. So I can snark at the audience, answer questions that they never ask and generally be a prat to them.