Chaos reigned.

At some later point Lero might have considered the thought ironic if he'd ever remembered it, but reigning chaos has a habit of swallowing such thoughts whole and hiding them away. One of those acting-from-nature things. Of course had he been presented with the opportunity to think things over rather than frantically racing to accommodate the arrival of Twilight's rather potent mother, Lero might have done something logical. It's safe to say this wouldn't have been a good thing.

His initial reaction had been rash, heated and over quickly – and as such was easily dismissed and forgotten. Had he been presented with more time, he might have started joining dots in ways that would have appeared all too rational to his already frazzled mind. For instance, he might have connected the day's events with the facts of Twilight's parentage and from there begun to wonder whether certain behaviors tended to run in families. Where he could have taken the thought from there would be anyone's guess.

The subject of Star Sparkle had come up a few times over the years. Lero knew her as a fairly affable if rather mercurial old goat; a pony to be wary of, but not exactly bad as such, merely the sort who seemed to find her fun in tweaking everyone around her until they did something she found amusing. A troll in other words, mostly harmless, though prone to spreading certain forms of affection as far and wide as she possibly could.

Twilight's opinion? The best that could be said was that it was less than positive toward her birth mother. In fact from some of the things she had told Lero it was a surprise the two mares hadn't already come to blows. Perhaps they had and she just hadn't mentioned it yet.

All these thoughts and more didn't cross Lero’s mind as the two ponies, dragon and displaced human raced around their home, generally tidying and preparing for the arrival of the mare herself. A dinner was prepared in record time, furniture was cleaned, books shelved, floors swept and Lero was just looking for the air freshener when there was a furious pounding at the door.

Twilight froze on the spot, one hoof twitching as it tried to sneak into her mane. "She's early!"

"Only by a few minutes," Rarity replied as she carefully primped her own mane. A brush descended from on high and snagged at Twilight's frazzled fringe. "You just relax, darling, I will take care of everything."

"But there's so much left to do! We were... and she'll know! She'll know and it'll all be wrong and..." A hiccough shook Twilight's frame, pulling her out of her rant before it could get started. She felt the brush pulling at her mane and leaned into it without really thinking as she looked toward Lero. "She'll know what happened. She'll joke about it..."

The human knelt down next to Twilight, grabbing the brush from Rarity's magic and ignoring her surprised huff. He set about slowly combing Twilight's head with one hand while the other just as gently stroked her back and shoulder. "It'll only be for a short while. If you want to get away, just tap my foot. Gently. I'll distract her and you can escape out of the nearest window."

"That's how Rainbow Dash..."

The rest of her sentence was swallowed in another hiccough. Lero wrapped his arms around Twilight and pulled her close before she could say more, rocking them both back and forth and gently shushing as he did. A quick glance at Rarity was enough to give her the hint to open the door; it unnerved Lero how she always seemed so cued to him, as if they really had spent the last few years that close to one another. He just couldn't see it.

Rather than approach the door directly, Rarity placed herself a distance away and posed in what she presumably thought was the most dramatically welcoming stance she could adopt. The door opened gently under her magic. From outside it would have slowly revealed her as it swung aside, starting with her head that she raised into the air to magnificent effect, then drawing the eye along her body to her flank. All very theatrical. So very Rarity, which proved that some things would ever be the same.

Unfortunately, the effect was spoiled somewhat by the complete absence of any pony standing outside. It took a moment for Rarity to notice, but when she did her mouth turned down and she made a very quiet little hmph sound somewhere inside her nose. It was downright cute.

"I assume this is another one of her silly pranks," Rarity muttered once she had composed herself. Her magic gripped the door to close it again just as a grinning pink head poked around the corner.

"No prank, my dear," said the other pony. A flash of magic dispelled Rarity's own and Star Sparkle kicked the door wide, dragging a pair of overnight bags along behind her as she trotted jauntily into the room.

"Then what, pray tell?"

"Nopony was answering. I wanted to see if I could let myself in through a window."

It was a line that would have been followed by horrendous canned laughter in any sitcom Lero could bring to mind. He let the image expand in his thoughts, giving him the chance to relax a little as his de-facto mother-in-law entered the family home with all the grace and nobility of a brick through the window.

Star slowed as she walked, taking in the sights around her and occasionally sniffing at the air. She nodded to Lero and grinned as her eyes came to rest on Twilight. For her part Twilight simply stared, unwilling or unable to respond. As she passed by, Star inhaled deeply through her nose and smiled at Twilight again, but didn't say anything more.

It was when her full attention came to Rarity that Star finally lost a little of her usually impenetrable high spirits; she stared at the unicorn for quite some time, the way she might normally examine an obscure artifact of some unknown culture. In a feat unrivaled through the ages, Rarity matched her gaze without flinching.

"Well now, Twilight, I wasn't aware you had other visitors."

"We..." was all Twilight managed before Rarity cut her off with a petite cough. Somehow both mares contrived to look away at the same moment, Star shifting her focus to her bags, Rarity lifting her nose in the air and brushing a hoof against her chest.

"I'm not sure what you mean, darling," she said. "You're the only guest we’re expecting tonight, though I suppose another one might turn up out of the blue."

A quick sideways glance told exactly how Rarity felt about that possibility. Ignoring the baleful glare and its implicit message, Star nodded her head thoughtfully. "Is that so?"

"That is, indeed, so." Rarity lowered her hoof with a loud thud. With casual indifference she walked between Star and the others, pausing briefly to nuzzle Lero's hand as she passed. The elder unicorn's ear twitched.

"I see. I would have expected more of that hyperactive bunch of ponies you call friends to be here. Pegasi especially," Star added with just a hint of a grin. There was a predictable snort from Twilight, but she didn't expect the accompaniment from Rarity. "Something the matter, dear?"

"Oh just considering the differences between expectation and hope." Rarity turned again and paced around Star. "We all know about your... your predilections. The way you keep pursuing poor Fluttershy long after she has made clear that she isn't interested simply boggles the mind."

"You mean the nervous wreck who lives out in the middle of nowhere?"

"No, Fluttershy..."

Twilight cleared her throat. Of course Star didn't seem to notice being too busy staring at Rarity, but the younger unicorn's head bounced as if she'd walked into a wall. She pursed her lips and lowered her eyes. "Perhaps not the best topic of conversation to begin the evening," Rarity demurred, drawing Star a short distance away. "I've been meaning to ask you about how Zebra manage their weather. Zecora hadn't a clue when I spoke to her about it, but you've travelled their lands quite extensively, have you not?"

"I have," Star replied with a nod. She shot an incredulous gaze at Twilight as she spoke. "I can't say I know all that much about their practices."

"Anything at all would be useful, not to mention fascinating!"

"Is that so?"

With the conversation safely derailed into more mundane territory, Twilight and Lero both let themselves finally relax. The human backed up a few steps and flopped down on the couch. Twilight dropped to her haunches at his side and let out a frustrated growl.

"Of all the days she would choose to turn up, it had to be this one. I swear, she does it on purpose." She twitched at a persistent tug on her mane an turned to glare at the source. It was Spike. "What's the matter?"

"Is this another Spike-has-to-go-clean-the-basement moment?" Spike had lowered his voice as he spoke. He glanced at Star, idly conversing with Rarity on the far side of the room, then looked up at Twilight with a pleading expression. "Please say it is."

"No..." Twilight shook her head and tried to smile at her mother as she spoke. On any normal day she would have kept up the facade with relative ease. How she was managing it today was beyond Twilight's capacity to understand, but the smile remained nevertheless. "Just go and... yes, make sure dinner is still where we left it."

"I might need help," Spike whispered. Again he glanced at Star. Again Twilight shook her head.

"Thanks Spike, but I have to stay here with Lero in case Mom gets the wrong idea." She frowned again and shuddered. "Or the right one."

As Spike scampered away to the dining room, Twilight turned her attention back to Rarity and Star, who seemed to be deep in debate about something of deep importance to both mares. Quietly bemoaning her lot in life, Twilight shuffled toward the twin sources of torment and tried to eavesdrop as subtly as she could. It was a hopeless cause she knew Star would spot her the moment she got near, but there seemed to be little else to do.

Rarity was holding forth as she approached. She seemed rather worked up.

"And all I'm saying is that you seem to be spending a great deal of time deliberately ignoring my greatest assets."

"I assume that's a rather roundabout way of referring to your dock."

"So you are aware of what I'm talking about!"

"My dear, I am aware that it seems as if you're asking me to ogle you in your own home, with your closest companions present, when it has been made abundantly clear to me in the past that such behavior was, and forgive me as I'm quoting from memory, ‘the most insulting and degrading way to treat another mare imaginable.’"

"All I want to know is why you seem to be so determined to avoid looking at my cutie mark!"

An unaccustomed look of shame crossed Star's face. Her ears fell back and in fact her entire body seemed to try and melt away into the woodwork as she looked away from Rarity.

"It isn't right," she muttered, shuffling a hoof on the floor. Her eyes rose to meet Twilight's; where normally they held a mix of amusement and contempt, now there was confusion. And something that in any other mare might have been fear, though the impression soon passed as another grin wrapped around her muzzle. "At least not when you're so obviously involved with my daughter anyway."

Rarity pouted. "You've never avoided it before. I almost feel as if I should be insulted."

"Well, I won't deny I certainly had eyes for the flank on which that particular cutie mark has always rested," Star replied with a frankly salacious wink in Lero's general direction. "Though I must confess there seems to be a little more heft to it now. I expect that's the inevitable result of all the delicious food this human of yours keeps providing."

"I suppose I shall take that as a compliment," Rarity sighed. Her pout had only increased in stature and it was all Star could do not to laugh at the sight.

"Take it however you like, my dear."

"So!" Twilight carefully interposed herself between the pair before an interpersonal apocalypse could get started. "Mom, any particular reason you decided to show up half drunk on our doorstep with almost no warning?"

Star patted Twilight's shoulder non-too-carefully, taking the opportunity to peer past her daughter's head at Rarity again. Her leering grin grew only broader. "I was traveling to see Zecora, as a matter of fact. I have some Kuur temple scrolls that I believe she could lend a hoof in translating, but unfortunately I could only get the late train from Canterlot so I needed a place to stay before I go and see her in the morning."

"There are hotels in town–"

"Nonsense, my dear! Why would I stay in a hotel when I could visit my beloved daughter?" Star's gaze slipped away from Twilight again, settling on Rarity's rear. The alleged weather unicorn was idly leafing through a copy of Cumulous Weekly (with exclusive reviews of a new industrial construction cloud, no less) and completely oblivious to Star's lingering gaze. "And her highly entertaining herd..."

"It's just that things are a little inconvenient at the moment, Mom."

"Yes, aren't they always?" Star returned her attention to Twilight with worrying intensity. "It's just a shame Rainbow Dash couldn't be here. I've rather missed her company recently."

She grinned again. Twilight and Lero stared back at her with such carefully controlled faces that she almost, almost felt as if she'd gone too far. Of course in her line of work there was never any such thing as going too far. And boundaries? Those were for people without tenure.

"Yes, such a terrible shame. She's always a breath of fresh air, so very energetic. Such pretty wings too!"

Lero stood abruptly and strode the short distance to her side. He could be very intimidating when he wanted to be; more to the point he was proving that right now. He even smiled at her. It was not the smile of a sane man.

Perhaps even she had boundaries. Then again, she considered, half the fun was in crossing them. Lero leaned down to her, going onto one knee and placing his hand very lightly on Star's shoulder. A shiver ran down her spine at the touch; for a moment she thought it was simply unfamiliarity, but there was a little more to it. A barely visible sheen of light flared around her horn as she tried to examine the sensation. Without warning Lero's hand jerked away from her coat and he leaned back.

"We were just about to eat. Would you care for something?" His overbright smile grew broader and somehow less inviting. Star returned it tooth for tooth.

"Oh certainly, I'm famished! I've heard you can do incredible things with fish," she paused and coughed into the crook of her wrist. "Though of course it's such an acquired taste for we unicorns, isn't that so m'dear?"

The question was aimed square at Rarity, who looked up from her magazine with an absent-minded snort and stared back at Star with almost no comprehension. "Is it? I've always eaten fish."

"Is that so?"

"But of course! I need to keep up my energy if I'm to stay on top of Ponyville's weather. After all," she murmured, returning her gaze to the magazine. "I am the local division manager and I can't afford to be caught lacking if I'm going to support the efforts of my team!"

"Of course," Star replied faintly, seemingly at a loss for words for just a moment.

"It helps that Lero does such a wonderful salmon en croute. I've never tasted such a creamy sauce. Just the right amount of salt..." Rarity's tongue crept across her upper lip for just a moment until she abruptly shook her head and blinked. "Well. Yes, I've always eaten fish."

"But Rarity, you hate..."

"Sparkle-kitten, we're not going to have that conversation again."

"But–"

"Darling, not when we have company."

Twilight blushed and turned from Rarity's carefully neutral gaze. Unfortunately her eyes ended up looking straight at Star, who by this point was moments away from exploding with laughter. She held control of herself sufficiently to give Twilight a quizzical look and mouth sparkle kitten at her. Twilight sniffed and looked away.

"Sweetie, you and I need a quick talk," Star said quietly. She flicked her eyes toward Rarity and raised an eyebrow. For a second it seemed like Twilight hadn't quite understood until her eyes went wide. Without taking them from Star she nodded slowly.

"Sure. We'll catch up in a moment." Twilight moved to Lero's side and put her hoof on his hip, and tried her best to smile at him. He didn't return the gesture too well but at least he made an attempt, which was something.

The door closed after the pair, leaving Twilight and Star alone in the room. The elder unicorn chuckled under her breath and walked slowly around the room before pausing to examine a bookcase.

"I never thought I'd see a day like this," Star muttered. She pulled a book from the shelf and idly flipped through it without reading anything.

"Mom, what–"

"Twilight." The book cracked shut and flew back to its place on the shelf as Star continued her journey around the room. She came to a halt directly in front of her daughter and shook her head. "What in Celestia's name have you been up to?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Is that so?" Star's horn lit as she turned away, her magic seeking out anything remotely unusual. She paused in turning and sniffed the air; the glow faded from her horn and her eyes snapped back to Twilight's face.

"I see."

A blush crept onto Twilight's face. "What?"

"Frustrating, was it? Loopy is a thousand miles away and your darling Rainbow Dash really doesn't enjoy the, ah, pleasures of her own sex all that much. It must have seemed like quite the opportunity..." A smile crept to Star's lips as she sat down. She watched the blush spreading across Twilight's neck and shoulders, just visible beneath her coat as a bright red glow. "Heavens know if I were in this sort of situation I wouldn't hesitate."

"Y-you really know?" Despite her embarrassment it was all Twilight could do not to grab hold of her mother and shake her about. "You know?!"

"I know something is terribly wrong. As if that snooty little high society wannabe would ever dare do something so outrageous."

"Rarity is not snooty, she–"

"Condescending, perhaps."

"You'd know!"

Star took a moment to consider this. She nodded. "I would."

"But–"

"Why should I deny it?" She sniffed at the air a final time and shook her head. "You and your herd are going to have a serious conversation when this is over, whatever it is. I have no idea what that tutor of yours has been up to, but I would be surprised if she's not behind this and I would be equally surprised if she's not taking advantage of it all to make you learn some ridiculously contrived life lesson about how you should be friends with everyone."

She had closed her eyes while she spoke, the certainty of her position pulling her into lecture mode without even realising it. When she opened them again Twilight was staring at the wall, tears threatening to roll down her cheeks and her lower lip quivering like an ice-cream deprived foal. For a few long moments Star watched her daughter to see if the reaction would end and she would return to her usual irrepressible problem-solving self, or perhaps resort that hilarious manic phase she sometimes went through.

Neither came to be. In fact all Twilight did was sniff noisily and rub her snout on her foreleg, not even aware of the rather messy trail she left on her coat. Her gaze was fixed on the wall; her mind was somewhere else entirely, a place Star unfortunately knew all too well.

Mustering every ounce of sympathy she could find – and to her surprise, there was quite a lot – Star gently ran her hoof around Twilight's shoulder and pulled her into a hug. With her free limb she wiped at the tears from her daughter's face.

"Twilight, listen to me." When Twilight didn't respond Star tucked a hoof under the younger unicorn's chin and pulled her head around so they were face to face. "Twilight."

Snuffling and blinking bloodshot eyes, Twilight finally paid attention to her mother. She rubbed her snout again and swallowed. It was tempting for Star to smile, but for once she realized it might not help.

"You're better than this. No daughter of mine–"

"Hah!"

"Well it's good to see you've recovered that much," Star muttered as Twilight slipped from her grasp. There was a pause then, a moment of silence as the same unspoken thought passed between them: Rarity.

"Mom, please don't."

"Fine." Star cleared her throat. The grin was back again, lascivious as ever. "I won't ask about the odd little stain by the door if you tell me what in heaven's name is going on."

"There's a stain? Why didn't you...?"

Twilight closed her eyes and very nearly bit her tongue in half as she suppressed her usual urge to panic. She'd get Spike to– no she'd get Lero to clean it up later. Ignoring Star's quiet chuckle, Twilight walked to the couch and tried to make herself comfortable.

"It was a spell. Starswirl's last unfinished spell. Celestia sent it to me to study. After I cast it..." The feeble gesture Twilight made toward the closed door seemed to encompass everything that had gone wrong in the last few days. "They're convinced... all five of them... that they’re each other. She's convinced we're lovers. It's literally like she's got half of Rainbow Dash in there."

"Figures that witch–" Star rolled her eyes at Twilight's withering gaze. Shaking her head, she joined her daughter on the couch and tried to think her way through the problem. "So the princess gave you a spell that mixed and matched a few cutie marks? And now everypony thinks that you're playing beach towel for that diamond-obsessed social climber."

She looked around the room and took another short breath through her nose. "And apparently they're right."

"I didn't have a choice."

"You mean she–"

"No! No, it...!" Twilight closed her eyes and shook her head. By now her ears were flat against her skull and her spine seemed about ready to curl up on itself, like a little filly trapped in a nightmare. "I can't explain without explaining everything and that would take all night. It– I have to–"

Twilight choked and swallowed back a gasping sob, but when Star went to comfort her she pushed away, shaking her head.

"I can't."

"Try me," Star murmured. "Just for once pretend you can talk to your old mare. I won't even joke about it. Cross my heart and all that guff. Or," she continued as she hauled herself from the couch, "you could clean yourself up and we could go and eat. I really am quite famished."

"All you ever think about is your appetite."

"I suppose it does look like that." Star trotted back to the shelves, a wry grin tugging at her lips as she eyed the books before her. "I have spent a great deal of my life working in places that spare no effort in trying to kill a pony, Twilight. I don't have time to consider whether or not my decisions will have long-reaching consequences because most of the time I'm just trying to survive. When you've face a few more of those scenery-chewing hams Celestia keeps sending you up against you'll begin to understand."

Star turned from the shelf, dismissing its contents for the shallow plebeian nonsense she was sure it must be – what else would they read out here in the sticks anyway? – and turned her attention to Twilight again.

"Perhaps you already do," she mused with a glance toward the kitchen. Something quite delicious was cooking within; the scent of it had been growing in the air for the last few minutes and it was all Star could do not to simply turn around and seek it out. Instead she held her hoof under Twilight's chin and peered into her eyes.

"Whatever choices you've made I'm sure they're for a good reason. Just remember one thing, Twilight. When you give yourself to a pony it has to be because you want to. Not because of duty or tradition, or anything like that. If you're sleeping with this mare because you think you have to–"

Twilight shook her head and pulled away from Star's touch once again. "Part of her is Rainbow Dash. I'm still... it's hard to explain, but that part of her is somehow trapped inside Rarity. Part of her is one of the mares I love so dearly. And I'm deathly afraid of losing that." She looked up at the ceiling, a bitter, mirthless smile twisting her lips. "I'm doing it to save her, but I'm so far beyond what I know about how the magic of the elements works that I'm casting blind."

"I won't pretend to understand completely," Star replied quietly. "Just remember what I said."

Just the barest of nods was all the reply she got. They spent a little while just sitting in silence while Twilight composed herself and Star thought through the implications of what she'd been told. At least the world made a little more sense now.

When they entered the dining room the others were already seated.

Spike had positioned himself as far from Rarity as possible without actually facing her head, with Lero just to one side. The pair were engaged in a very subtle elbow fight for the prime spot, leaving the object of their disaffection bemused and more than a little put out. Etiquette demanded that she not show it too obviously, however, and she was a little mollified when Twilight sat between her and Lero with little fanfare.

"So," Star exclaimed brightly as she took the remaining seat before leaning curiously toward a tureen at the centre of the table. "What delicious treat has been prepared for us tonight? I understand you're rather good at old-world-style vermarecelli."

"Tagliata," Lero replied, glad of the distraction from his low-level feud with Spike. He casually lifted Spike's chair and set it equidistant between himself and Star. "Or maybe Linguini, I forget which."

"Little tongues? Strange name, but I suppose it's an improvement on all those mangled parodies you normally use." She didn't wait for a response, instead lifting the lid and thrusting a serving spoon into the dish. "Hm. But not on the menu tonight it seems."

"Lero wasn't sure what sort of dish you would prefer," Rarity replied before the human else could speak. She stared into the tureen as well, eyeing its contents warily. "He's made some sort of vegetable stew with–"

"Dumplings! Oh this takes me back!" Star shovelled around the stew and pulled forth the three largest dumplings she could find, setting them in the centre of her plate. She dug at the rest of the dishes, piling her plate high with an assortment of treats. "The Doon Khani were famous for their dumplings, though they used to make them from plantain flour so the taste isn't exactly the same. I can't get the damn things anywhere in Canterlot, apparently their tastes are too refined for such things."

A final spoonful of the stew sauce completed the towering pile. With her plate filled Star leaned back and looked around the table, grinning at the various expressions before her.

"What?"

The first to give in was Lero. Shaking his head he began to fill another plate, to which he added a couple of gems from somewhere in his pockets before passing it to Spike.

"I'm glad you enjoy it at least," he said as he loaded another plate, this one soon destined for Twilight. He gave a slight bow and a cheeky wink as he handed it across the table. Star chuckled at the sight and shook her head.

"Are all you humans so contradictory?"

"I don't know," Lero replied as Star pushed a whole dumpling into her mouth and began to chew furiously. He held up another plate and then paused over the stew, frowning. "Are all you ponies so voracious?"

With her mouth still full Star was unable to answer, but it seemed the question had already been forgotten as Lero hovered uncertainly over the food. He glanced at Rarity and briefly chewed his lip before settling on a selection of the lighter vegetables.

"No stew for me please, my prince," Rarity said with a casual wave of her hoof. Her magic lifted the plate from Lero's grasp and settled it gently on the table. "And now that we're all served, the rest of us may begin!"

"Oh, was I supposed to wait?"

"It's generally the done thing, yes," Rarity replied. Her eye barely even twitched as Star pushed another dumpling into her mouth and began to chew straight at her. "One certainly believed that a high society mare such as yourself would be aware of such things."

"This high society mare generally feels that high society can go jump off a cliff," Star shot back. "They're all a bunch of feckless, uptight half-wits who wouldn't know a decent meal if it hit them in the face."

"Which I assume it often has when you're around?"

Star nodded and grinned a particularly wicked grin. "Oh my yes. Though, weren't you responsible for something similar with our esteemed Prince Blueblood a few years ago?"

"Why, I have no idea what you are talking about. Unless you mean Applejack's little run-in with the prince?" Rarity poked at her food with a fork and frowned at the offering, as if it wasn't to her usual standards. "Poor dear was inconsolable for weeks afterwards."

"Applejack."

"Yes."

"Orange coat, blonde mane? Accent like a ripsaw through a dictionary?"

"Did I not say her name clearly?"

"Oh it would be perfectly clear," Star replied as she massaged her temples. "If not for the fact that everything you've said since I walked through the door has been complete nonsense! I'm in a nightmare, that's what this is. This whole thing is just one huge cheese-induced fantasy. I'll wake up tomorrow, I will not be surrounded by mad ponies and aliens, I'll be in bed with a hangover and a lovely pegasus I met in that nice bar on the east side, and everything will be just fine!"

The room fell silent, so silent that they could all hear the very slight creak as Lero leaned back in his chair. It seemed that the moment might be able to pass by then, escaping in the shocked quiet as so many moments had before, but then Twilight moved. There was a loud stomp and a crunch of bones beneath a well-aimed hoof. Lero gasped and lurched to grab his foot, but before he could even reach it Twilight had teleported, disappearing with a loud bang and a flash of fire that scorched the chair and caramelised the sauce on her plate.

"Well," Star said as the smoke cleared. "I can tell her table manners have improved tremendously through your indefatigable influence, my dear."

Rarity gave a polite cough and waved a stray wisp from before her face, one eyebrow raised as she examined Star's face. "Perhaps it's a family thing."

"Perhaps."

Star slid from her seat like a snake uncoiling to strike, her eyes never moving from Rarity's face. She pulled a final morsel from her plate and popped it in her mouth as she stepped away from the table.

"I think I shall retire. It's okay, don't get up," she added even though none of the others made any move to do so. Her gaze came to rest on Spike, who fidgeted in his chair and tried to look nonchalant about the whole affair. "I know where the guest room is so I'll just go and settle myself in. I'm sure you and the lovely miss Rarity would like some quality time alone, yes?"

As a pained look crossed Spike’s face, Lero pushed his plate away and leaned back with an obviously fake yawn. "Actually I'm kind of tired too. Spike, you want to take care of the dishes while I go find Twilight?"

"Sure!"

The little dragon leaped from his site and scurried across the table, grabbing plates and cutlery as fast as his claws could work. He scampered into the kitchen after Lero without a single look back, leaving Star and Rarity alone to contemplate the evening's outcome.

"Well goodnight, then," Rarity muttered. The weather pony was forming a delicate filigree in the steam from her food, one hoof idly stirring at the table cloth and the other supporting her downcast face. The elder unicorn shook her head and sighed as she, in turn, retreated from the room.

Yet, at the door she paused and looked at Rarity again.

"Who are you, really? What do you want?"

Rarity looked up from her idle cloudcrafting and frowned at Star.

"What do you mean?"

"They're questions I ask myself every night," Star continued, oblivious to Rarity's increasing bewilderment as she spoke. "Who am I? What do I want? I've never found the answer, but I keep looking."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"Then ask yourself the same questions some time," Star replied. She pushed open the door, but instead of going through she simply stared into the empty corridor beyond. "If you do anything to hurt my daughter..."

“Hurt her? Star! Goodness, I would never do anything of the sort! How could you even insinuate such a thing?"

With a final shake of her head, Star looked over her shoulder at Rarity.

"Love makes us do terrible things, my dear. Things we never thought we would do, things we find abhorrent to our very nature. If you are even a fraction of the mare that my Twilight loves you'll ask those questions about yourself. And about her."

Rarity didn't answer as Star left the room. She was too busy staring at her plate with an intense frown and had barely moved at all when Star closed the door.

* * *

Silence. Even with the ticking of the bedroom clock, which seemed startlingly loud compared to the gulf of silence between Lero and Twilight did nothing to alleviate the sensation of overwhelming quiet.

Twilight finally decided to break the silence. "S...so!" She looked over at Lero, noting his new outfit. "What’s an ‘Idaho,’ anyway?" she asked, tilting her head slightly.

Lero paused, not quite expecting that. "It’s a part of the United States. Y’know, the country where I was born, back on Earth. Idaho's one of the states."

"Ah." She nodded thoughtfully. "Is Idaho known for its universities?"

"No. Idaho’s known more for its potatoes. Each of the states have their own universities, though." The surreality of the conversation was strange. It reminded him of the long conversations they used to have discussing their respective worlds. The sheer normality of it amongst such unrelenting strangeness made it bizarre. Especially since she was obviously try to avoid talking about something else.

Twilight nodded at his response, before another thought occurred to her. "Where’d you get that shirt, anyway? It doesn't look like the one you left the house in, and It doesn't look like one of Rarity's."

Lero thought back to the chaotic events he'd experienced not long ago, and found himself in no mood to relate them. "Ask me about it some other time, not really in the mood to go over it right now."

"Oh... kay," Twilight replied, giving him an odd look.

Lero didn't respond, letting the awkward pause stretch out into silence again.

Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock.

Finally, it was too much for Lero. "Rarity... Rarity sure did look like she knew what she was doing, when you... when you were..." He rubbed his hands over his eyebrows, groping for the proper phrasing, before finally settling on, "...When she was on top of you.”

Twilight's eyes widened, and she nodded rapidly. "It was UNCANNY!" She said with great incredulity in her voice. "She knew EXACTLY where to touch me! No fumbling! No guesswork! You’d think... you’d think if someone were deluded... like if, if, if I were suddenly convinced I was a champion juggler... I’d still drop quite a few balls all over the place! But Rarity... Rarity knew all of my sweet spots! Total familiarity! She played me like, like, like a fiddler plays songs she knows by heart!"

Lero normally found her tendency to go off onto verbose analytical tangents somewhat cute, but considering the subject, all he could do was flatly inquire, "How long were you both at it for?" Almost managing to keep the bite of disgust out of his tone.

Not that Twilight seemed to notice. "Hours."

"Hours? Wouldn't Spike still be up?" His brow furrowed; the idea that they'd have been intimate in the main room with Spike up and about was even more unbelievable. When he and Dash moved in, they'd always been careful to ensure they were intimate in private, or after the young dragon had gone to bed. Originally, Spike had been upset when he no longer could sleep in Twilight's room, but that had faded rather quickly when he realized that Lero had made a room specifically for him.

"Oh! No, no, we... had to send him to bed early." She said, looking down while she moved one hoof about in an explanatory manner. "When Rarity first got home, we started talking about you, and... he started behaving very badly when she began saying really nice things about you."

There came a loud, rapid thumping. Twilight was baffled by it until she noticed Lero rapping his fingers on his armchair over and over. She watched him nervously for several seconds before clearing her throat. "Lero... are you familiar with the theory of parallel universes?"

"I’ve watched my share of science fiction, so yes."

"Ok... Well, what if... what if we’re actually IN a parallel universe?" She let that hang in the air for a moment. Lero looked at her disbelievingly, as if she just suggested they start wearing tinfoil hats to stop the alien frog god from eating their dreams.

"Hear me out on this! What if we’re all wrong about our friends? What if when I cast Starswirl’s spell... it didn’t SWAP our friends, it TRANSPORTED us to a parallel universe! A universe where we DID become Rarity’s herdmates! A universe where Applejack IS a fashionista! And maybe... maybe the parallel versions of US are back on our home world! And they’re just as confused as we are that Rainbow Dash is so intimate with them! Maybe the problem’s not even curing our friends, but getting back home! What do you think?"

Lero didn't respond for several seconds, berfore firmly replying, "I think you are completely, utterly wrong, Twilight Sparkle."

She looked slightly crestfallen at his response. "But... it’s not even how well Rarity knows my body, when we never... never were like that before. All our neighbors, Lero... I’ve asked questions... VERY discreet questions, and so many ponies can’t all be..."

Lero cut her off. "Our neighbors are under a bewitchment! Courtesy of Discord!"

Now it was Twilight's turn to look at him as if he'd started discussing a Reverse Vampire conspiracy. "...Discord?!"

He nodded. "Yeah. I met the guy, he explained how he was making sure almost no one noticed the results of your magic experiment." Twilight still goggled at him in surprise. "But Twilight, listen... forget about Discord for now, let’s save him for tomorrow." He let out a sigh.

"That's where you got the shirt?" she inquired.

"Yeah. But again, let's discuss Discord tomorrow; he’s a whole other can of worms. We’d be here all night talking about him!" He paused, and took a deep breath. "Your ‘parallel dimension’ theory is bunk. Want proof? How about an eyewitness account? A trusted source? I was knocked off Rainbow Dash’s back when we were flying in the sky." This actually drew a small gasp from Twilight. "Don't worry, I got out of it alive."

Twilight ducked her head and blushed. "Yeah, sorry, imagining you in danger even after the fact isn't fun. Please, go on."

He nodded. "Dash flew down, tried to save me... you should’ve seen the worry in her eyes! Then she just STOPPED. Right in midair, with a big look of NOTHING on her face. Like someone had flicked her off switch. I only saw it for a few seconds before I was falling through thousands of thorns." She flinched at that, and he had to stop himself from reaching over to pat her comfortingly.

"Twilight... at the time I had no idea what I was even seeing, but I know now: I witnessed the exact moment Rainbow Dash got swapped!” Twilight didn't have a reply to that, she looks down at the ground, her ears lowered, her expression troubled. Lero continued on, unabated. "Or maybe you should go back and reread that one letter Celestia sent you. You trust Celestia’s word, right? I can’t quote it word-for-word, but I recall this one phrase, something about how ‘their souls and memories are scattered in jumbled something.’ Should I go get it?”

Twilight let out a long exhale. "No." She said softly, then more firmly. "No, you’re right. It... it would be so easy to believe this mare we're living with is just ‘another’ Rarity that I...” She let out another hard breath. “That our REAL friends were just far away, waiting for us to find them and come home. That there wasn't a disaster here that I caused.”

Lero pointed to a picture on the wall; a picture that showed them with Rainbow Dash. "I’m sorry, Twilight. We ARE home." Twilight nodded softly at that, continuing to hang her head and speaking no further.

Lero finally gave in, and got up, sitting next to her on the bed. Most of the anger and resentment had drained out of him, he continued, more soft and calmly. "But yeah, I get it. Rarity... wow... I thought she was supposed to be BAD at everything Dash had been GOOD at."

Twilight looked over at him, closer to eye-to-eye with Lero while sitting like this. "Well... er... remember me saying: ‘Fluttershy was already a great dressmaker, she should’ve gotten Rarity’s mark?’”

“Uh-huh.”

"Well, uh, Rarity has dated. Lots. More than the rest of us six. Every now and then, back in the days when Rarity was her old self... we’d all just be having girl talk, and she’d brag or joke about some of the ones she... well..." She trailed off, her hoof out, as if groping for a word.

“Bedded.” Lero offered.

She nodded once. "Yes. Bedded. She wasn't crass about it or anything, but Rarity made it pretty clear she knows her way around a bedroom very well. So when she swapped with Rainbow Dash, those bedroom skills just... transferred over naturally."

Lero nodded, rubbing his chin. "Maybe... But that still doesn’t explain one other thing."

Twilight tilted her head at him questioningly. "What?"

"Dash was always bent. No sexual attraction to mares. That’s clearly not the case with Rarity."

Twilight shrugged at that. "Guess Rarity’s straightness managed to carry itself over from her old personality."

Lero snorted. "So! Dash’s libido and love for all of us, coupled with Rarity’s bisexuality and bedroom skills. We’re both living through a fun time together, aren’t we, honeybun?" Lero couldn't prevent the sarcasm from creeping into his voice. He saw Twilight duck her head and her cheeks flush in embarrassment, averting her eyes. "Can I ask something, Twilight? I know Equestrians aren’t monogamous like humans are. All the same... there IS such thing as infidelity with you ponies, right? Cheating on your lovers?"

"Yes," Twilight said. "Cheating’s a wicked, awful thing to do. Especially when it’s against your herd."

He nodded slowly. "Alright." He took a deep breath. "So then, WHY DID YOU DO IT?!"

She flinched briefly at his raised voice, but just sighed, hanging her head, realizing she deserved this, or worse, but... she needed to explain herself, especially to Lero. "When Rarity came home earlier today, she could see that I was really depressed. She offered being... intimate... to make me feel better, and she wouldn’t take no for an answer. I ran from her. I hid from her. I teleported from her. She thought I was playing games. Finally, I actually summoned a nigh-impenetrable bubble force field around myself in the middle of the kitchen... and that kept her out. That got the message through." She let out a shuddery sigh, looking back at Lero as she continued.

"I tried to tell her; ‘No! I don’t want this! And you don’t really want this either! You don’t actually want to have sex with me! Why would you need me? I’m not what you want! Search your feelings, Rarity! Please! Deep down, you know I’m right!’ But she didn’t understand. She took it the wrong way. She cried very, very hard and said, ‘You’re wrong! Please, Twilight! I really DO love you! I DO want this! Let me make you happy! I’m sorry for paying so much attention to Lero and forgetting all about you! Don’t be this way! You’ll break my heart forever!” Twilight stopped her story and Lero saw pain and fear in her eyes.

But this didn't make sense. "Look, I understand that there’s a big identity crisis going around, and it’s something we’ve got to put up with... but in spite of what she believes, RARITY ISN’T RAINBOW DASH! What if it were YOU who got switched, Twilight?! Would you want DASH to cheat on you like that? If YOU were the zookeeper, and Rarity believed SHE was Princess Celestia's chosen one?!"

"Lero?" she asked quietly. "Do you remember when I thought you wanted me out of the herd?"

Lero nodded back, remembering the time he'd interceded in an argument very early on between Twilight and Dash and taken sides with the pony he thought had been wronged — a human reaction — rather than just shutting down or mediating the conflict as was proper for a stallion. Since he'd sided with Rainbow Dash, Twilight had thought he'd wanted her out of the herd. It had taken some doing to reassure her that wasn't the case, but it'd been heartrending to see how badly it'd upset her.

"...Yeah. Yeah, I remember."

She closed her eyes. "Seeing Rarity like that... reminded me of how I felt back then. How much it hurt. I... I couldn't do that to Rarity or Rainbow Dash. And besides that... I... I gave into her... I went along and let her do what she did... because I was scared..."

His eyes widened, suddenly remembering Discord's warning: 'If you get in the way of their ‘thing,’ they will grow dangerously insane and violent.'

Would loving them qualify!?

“No..." He said in disbelief. "No... she wouldn’t... She couldn't... she didn’t THREATEN you, did she?! She didn’t FORCE herself upon you?!"

Twilight's eyes widened in alarm. “NO! Absolutely not! I know that if I’d put my hoof down, Rarity would have backed off! So I give you my word, what we did was entirely consensual.”

Now things went back to making no damn sense. “Then WHY?!” Lero persisted.

Letting out another sigh, Twilight closed her eyes. “Because... because she'd said, if I didn’t, I’d break her heart forever. When she said that, I had a terrifying thought: what it would mean to break her heart forever. Especially because it’s not really her heart!”

…Okay, let's keep riding the no-sense train. "Huh?" He managed.

"I... have a theory, Lero." She absently ran her hoof in circles on the bed, absently leaving behind a trail of swirls.

"Explain. Please. I'd like for this to make sense to me."

With a deep breath, Twilight began a lecture. One that sounded sad and frustrated, rather than the eager and animated ones he was used to hearing from her.

"Let's turn the clock back to the time when you were still in the Bramblewood Forest, and Rarity had left Ponyville to rescue you. Once it became clear magic was afoot, I started examining the four friends I had access to. What I could put together was that, effectivelly, all of them have part of each other's... essence in one another. It's not any sort of duplication or copy; it's the genuine article. Just inside the wrong mare. On top of everything else — their cutie marks, memories, sense of purpose in the world — romantic feelings make up part of this essence. Unicorns are taught early on that magic cannot create love, just enhance what is there. With Starswirl's spell, we've now found out it can be transferred, as well."

Twilight sighed and continued.

"Functionally, Rarity's gotten a... er... let’s call it a love transplant from Rainbow Dash. All the love and affection Rainbow Dash has for us has literally been transplanted from Dash into Rarity. Like an organ transplant. The organ's still alive, functioning the same as it ever was, just inside a different person. Now I’m trying to find a way to transplant it back where it belongs. But love, Lero... love needs to be nurtured and fed in order to continue on. So what happens if we stop nurturing and feeding her love? If we give Rarity the cold shoulder? Alienate her? Reject all the love she gives us?”

Her purple eyes almost bore into his own.

“...The love will wither up and die.” Lero pronounced, a chill shivering through his back.

She nodded, sharply. "Exactly. And the day I finally do find a cure for this — the day I get to transplant that cold, dead snuffed-out love for us back into its original owner — what do you think our relationship with Dash will be like, then?”

"You... you don’t KNOW it’ll all go down like that. It’s just a theory, right?" He protested weakly.

"You’re right. It’s an unproven theory. But I’m too scared of it being right." Though she favored him with a smile, Lero saw too much fear and frustration still in her eyes for it to be genuine. "I suppose the safest, more scientific course of action would be for me to keep loving Rarity and you to avoid her. Between us both, at least one of us will have remained faithful to Dash. I don’t even care if it’s not me."

Before he could reply, Twilight leapt off the bed and left the room.

"God dammit." Lero muttered to himself, lying back on the bed, Defeated. "She did make it make sense." Sometimes she was too damn smart, and left him alone in bed with too many things to think about.

* * *

“What have I done wrong?!” Rarity wailed at him.

Lero remembered the time when his dreams were only vaguely half-remembered nonsense, rather than intense, memorable scenes relevant to his life, fraught with drama. He was really starting to miss those. Why the hell were they becoming more intense and meaningful? Was it just the stress in his life, or an indication of something else?

He and Rarity sat together on a picnic table placed in picturesque park. Across an asphalt highway was a cheap motel, the Criddos Motel, sandwiched between a Burger King and a store which sold pianos. Traffic occasionally passed on the highway, mostly semis rumbling down the remote stretch of road.

The mare that thought she loved him sobbed miserably. In the dream, he was unmoved, looking at her without only a casual, passing interest.

“You’ve been so cold to me!” She sobbed, dabbing an eye with a tissue. Lero looked past her, watching human children play on the playground in the park they were in. “You’ve been avoiding me every chance you get! Please tell me why!” Rarity begged.

He glanced back to her, her eyeshadow running, leaving streaks of black down her perfectly white face. "Rarity, I'm not sure how to put this, because I'm not a cruel person. But it's not anything that you did."

She paused in her daubing, blinking rapidly in confusion. "Whatever do you mean, Lero?"

He spread his hands in an apologetic manner. "It's... well, I don't feel the same way about you as you do me."

Her jaw dropped in shock, as did her hold of the tissue, which fluttered down onto the table. He watched it fall disinterestedly.

"I... what... for how long!?" She asked, incredulously.

"Oh, since forever." He said simply. "I was never in love with you, Rarity."

"That's... no, that's impossible! All those days we spend together, sharing our lives, all the affection, the love we showed- that can't be fake!" she shook her head in disbelief.

"Oh, it wasn't. Fake, that is. It just wasn't you I was with, then."

A look of even greater confusion and concern passed over her face. "...Lero, darling... you're not making any sense."

"It was Rainbow Dash. She was the mare that befriended me, who helped me when I was at my lowest, who fell in love with me... and I, without realizing it, fell in love with her. Rarity was always a good friend, but nothing more."

Rarity stared at him, and began to speak slowly and carefully. "...Lero, dear, we need to get you back to the hospital, I think the spider's toxin has done something awful to your memories..."

He ignored her, continuing on. "Twilight cast a spell that accidentally changed your memories around. You think you had Rainbow Dash's life, and she thinks she had Fluttershy's- just another passing friend. Now you think you love me, and Rainbow doesn't know me from Adam. And the sick joke of it, there's magic that makes no one else believe it's true."

Rarity carefully reached out to him with a hoof. "Lero..."

He slammed his fist down on the table, causing her to jerk back. "No! Look, I tried to humor you, play nicely, but I'm done. I don't have it in me to look after a lovesick, spell-addled mare, especially after everything I've lost. I'm sorry, Rarity, but 'this' — which never really was anything to begin with — is over."

"Lero... please... you're sick. Let me help you." she pleaded with him.

"Look, are you deaf? I said I don't love you. Even if I'm crazy, the doctor's can't make me love you. Not even magic can."

Rarity stared at him, tears streaming from her eyes, sobs erupting out of her mouth, Lero just glaring at her finally. Finally, she shuddered violently, almost as if having a seizure. Lero swore he could see the precise moment her heart tore in half.

"...Fine, Lero, if that's how you want it. I don't love you anymore, either."

She hopped off the bench, settling down in the grass away from him. As he watched, her chromatic cutie mark lost all color, fading to a cold, muted, ugly gray. He smiled with satisfaction.

"I'm glad you understand." True, it could have gone better, but he'd still managed to get through to her, despite the magic fighting against him. Finally, a clear and decisive victory against Starswirl's spell!

There was a muted thump. He looked up, startled to see an Equestrian hot air balloon settle beside the table. Twilight, Pinkie, Applejack, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy all leapt out. "Hi, Lero!" They all greeted him happily. Twilight was levitating a picnic basket and a blanket behind her. None of them seem to notice Rarity's miserable state. In fact, Twilight spoke in a blithely chipper tone as if everything was right in the world.

"Good news, everypony! I have finally uncoveredddddd...." She popped open the basket, revealing an Erlenmeyer flask full of what looked, for all the world, like glowing mango juice. "THE CURE!"

She practically hopped with joy, as did Lero.

"About damn time!" Lero said with relief, as Twilight set out the picnic blanket. The five other ponies joined her on it, as she set the basket down and levitated champagne flutes out for them all, pouring her magic potion into them, one by one.

"Cheers!"

"Down the hatch!"

"Salut!"

"Skal!"

"Kanpai!"

After clinking glasses, they drank. For a moment: nothing. Then each of the swapped girls shook and jittered. Then, their cutie marks peeled off their flanks like children's stickers. Then each of them flew through the air and slapped themselves onto the correct mare's side. Pinkie's flat mane popped back into its crazy curls. She hopped to her hooves.

"Hooray! I was about to smash my legs into raw hamburger against those trees!"

Applejack nodded. "And mah legs were about ta atrophy to nothing in that there dress shop!"

"And I just can’t wait to get back home to my cottage! How I’ve missed the aroma of animal urine in every corner of every room!" Fluttershy said, dreamily.

"Oh!" Rarity exclaimed. "Oh my goodness! To think that I almost... I almost...!" She reached for his hand gratefully, and he gave her hoof a shake. "I don’t care what anypony else says about you, Lero, you truly are a stand-up guy! Thank you, thank you, THANK you for keeping it in your pants!"

He bowed pleasantly to her. "My pleasure, Miss Rarity!" She smiled at him, following the others as they hopped back aboard the hot balloon with Twilight and drifted off... all except for Rainbow Dash. She stayed behind, sitting on the blanket, staring off in the distance. Lero eagerly sprinted over to her, embracing her tightly. "Dash! We’re finally back together again!"

And he kissed her, firmly.

It was like kissing the lips of a cold, putrefying fish.

Like kissing an ex.

He broke it off quickly, looking up to meet her gaze, wide-eyed. All he saw in her eyes was coldness. And her cutie mark was as gray as it'd been on Rarity's flank.

"Yeeeeah, ABOUT that, Lero..." Lero's heart fell. "...I'm not really that into... us anymore."

"No! Rainbow, how can you say that? After everything..." He was interrupted by Rainbow rudely pulling herself out of his arms, shrugging him off her.

"Forget it." She started walking away. "It's no use. There's nothing there anymore."

He followed after her desperately. "But I did everything I could for you! I survived through unimaginable things, I waited patiently for you! I was faithful to you! How can you just say it's over!?"

She stopped, glaring at him. They were now both midway across the highway. "Lero, all I know is that when I got my cutie mark back... the place that used to have my love for you... all that's there now is pain and emptiness. You may not have done anything to me, specifically, but you still trampled all over my love for you. That's what my heart says."

Lero stared down at her. "You mean what your MARK says," he replied bitterly.

"Same thing."

With that, she spread her wings and flew off, disappearing into the sky.

A distant rumbling was steadily growing louder behind Lero. The honk of an 18-Wheeler pierced the air. He didn't even look behind him. Really, when it hit, oblivion was going to be such a mercy.

* * *

Lero awoke with a start, his movement stopped by forehooves hooked around his shoulders from behind his back. Opening his eyes, he looked to see the color of the leg fur: white. He could feel the length of her horn settled softly against the top of the back of his head. The perfume she’d sprayed on herself before turning in for the night was still moderately fresh: lilac and lavender. She breathed in and out against him without snoring. He could feel her smile against his body. They were actually sharing the same pillow.

Easing out gently from Rarity’s grasp, he rose out of bed to take a look at her. It was dark, very late at night, but the curtain had been left open, and enough moonlight shone through for him to see clearly enough. Twilight was not in bed with them. Studying, perhaps?

Lero pulled the bedsheets and cover back just enough to take a look at the cutie mark on Rarity.

Colorful. Not gray, not monochrome. Colorful, thank God. Still alive. He hadn’t actually done anything to kill Rainbow Dash’s... Rarity’s... the cutie mark’s... feelings for him. He crawled back atop the mattress, settling into a sort of kneel, to look upon the cutie mark. Looking at it... gazing at it here, upon this bed... just filled his heart with measureless dejection.

Lero Michealides had lost so much in his life. Stupid things, like certain TV shows, music files, and brands of candy bars. Every possession of his on Earth and all his money. More importantly, he’d lost his friends and girlfriend back on Earth. His parents, his old job, the home he used to live in. All mankind. Familiar sights and sounds, places rich with history and meaning, lost to him. The hope of one day fathering human children, (though Twilight still had plans in the works for foals, on hiatus, of course.) He’d lost his entire world... and not only had he learned to live with that, he’d been able to find new happiness in a new life.

And this magical little icon he was staring at represented Lero’s first truly unbearable loss: the love of Rainbow Dash. And yet, paradoxically, here that very thing was: Rainbow Dash’s Love. Snuggling up right next to him in this very bed, every night. Still clinging to him, still adoring him, just... stamped upon the wrong mare.

Such a powerful thing it was. Strong enough to compel a girl like Rarity to discard her entire life, and walk hundreds of miles across all kinds of terrain to slay a giant spider.

Such a delicate and malleable thing, too.

Cutie marks, when swapped, transferred the memories and emotions of the ponies they had been removed from. When Rarity had undergone her swap, she had been instilled with the full force of Rainbow Dash’s love for him, whole and undiluted by Rarity’s own disinclination for humans as lovers.

So what would happen on that fateful day Twilight discovered the Cure?

If he were to mistreat Rarity, get her to hate him or even leave altogether... every inch of that animosity and ill will would surely transfer back over to Rainbow Dash!

Perhaps he could go the same route Twilight had: go with the flow and feed Rarity’s libido every time it hungered. Accept Rarity, through and through, as their ‘replacement Dash.’ Hey, why not? At least everyone would be having fun! Just like old times! And when the Cure came, Dash would return with nary a change!

...But how fair would that be to Rarity?

Maybe there was a middle ground! Perhaps he could throw juuuust enough cold water on Rarity so they could all comfortably become ‘just friends!’

...He thought about how it would feel if Dash did that to him, and rejected it immediately. What a brutal joke. To have his true soulmate downgraded to ‘just friends.’

What can I do? How can I adjust to this? What’s the right thing to do? How do I still be the good guy? How do I not become the bad guy? How can I return life back to what it was before the Swap?

...The only thing he could hope to do was hold tight and wait for Twilight to have an epiphany.

Lero’s palm stroked the fur of the cutie mark... soft as mink, if not softer. He bent and kissed it. Then he kissed it again.

“I think I told you this before, at some point... but a girl’s cutie mark isn’t exactly what you’d call an erogenous zone.”

Rarity looked at him with a sleepy smile. “Still, erotic or not... when you do that... it feels like you’re kissing my very soul. I love the feeling. And I’m only sorry I can’t do it back to you.”

Lero nodded, though his face was now twisted up with misery.

Rarity lifted her head. “What? What’s wrong, my love?”

“This is going to sound so goddamned childish... but I had a bad dream.”

She sat up in bed, smiling at him like he was the cutest thing in the world. “A bad dream? Aw, you poor thing. What happened? Tell Momma all about it.”

“I dreamed I was a giant jerk to you, and I got you to leave me.”

That wiped the smile off her face.

He hadn’t cried since the time he’d thought that the spider was about to kill Rarity. This had become an unspoken point of pride with him. Dash was gone, Twilight was miserable and helpless to do anything, Spike was coming to resent him more and more for ‘stealing’ Rarity from him... every Element Bearer with a necklace instead of a tiara didn’t know who they were... Rarity was playing havoc with his emotions every which way, but at LEAST he’d been keeping the wet-works in check.

He’d ALMOST broken down after he’d made Dash terrified of him, but good old booze had nipped THAT in the bud. In a weird sort of way, getting drunk had even worked in his favor! He’d never have attacked Discord while sober. And, with one thing having led to the another, Discord would never have wiped Dash’s memory of that incident. So, yay booze.

But this was worse than crying. This was sobbing.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” All the misery he’d been experiencing this whole time was crashing down on him all at once, like dumbbells set upon high, worn, and rotted shelves.

“Darling! What are you even apologizing for?! You’ve done nothing wrong! Nothing!”

“All I ever wanted was to be faithful to the one I loved!” he blubbered. Rarity’s magic pulled him against her, like a mother sweeping her weeping wreck of a boy into her arms.

“You ARE faithful to me! You’re NOT a jerk! Lero, you’re the sweetest, dearest, most truehearted, selfless, caring stallion it’s ever been my pleasure to know! And both of my herd-sisters would fully agree with me!”

Rarity floated some tissues over to Lero and wiped his eyes. He slowly began to calm.

“I take it that it was a bad breakup?” she asked, with faint mirth. “Me and you in your dream?”

He hiccoughed, but smiled back. “The worst.”

“And here I thought it’d be the spider.”

They both laughed a little. Lero blew his nose. Gradually, he settled down. And then a sudden idea struck him.

Should I? he asked himself. Would it be too bold of me?

“Rarity,” he began. “There’s... well... there’s also this other dream I had that I’d really, really like to talk to you about. I had it just before the one about the breakup."

“What is it?”

“You know that spell that Twilight’s working on? The unfinished one from Starswirl the Bearded? Well, I dreamt that Twilight cast the spell in front of the Elements of Harmony... and it caused you, Rarity, and all Twilight’s other Element Bearing friends to switch cutie marks. You switched with Applejack. Applejack switched with Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie switched with Fluttershy. Fluttershy switched with Rainbow Dash. And Rainbow Dash switched with you. And when this happened, Rarity, you all exchanged each other’s roles in life.”

“Huh?”

And Lero confessed nearly everything to her; though his tale was heavily and carefully modified. Couched in the context of a dream, with all the names switched, since the bewitchment wouldn’t allow for the bald truth. In Lero’s story, Rarity was the dressmaker who couldn’t make a dress. Fluttershy was the animal caretaker unable to take proper care of her animals, and Rainbow Dash was... well, Rarity.

Certain other details needed to be tweaked, as needed.

“But HOW would Rainbow Dash have been able to kill that huge spider?” Rarity asked, once he’d reached that part of the story.

Lero bit his lip, but an answer came to him quick. “She bucked the spider around, of course, but she was also able to make great use of her wings. She dive-bombed the spider a couple of times, and also kicked some of the other stalactites in the cave so that they fell off and impaled him. That’s what did the spider in.”

“And to think we’re talking about sweet, shy Rainbow Dash, who cries when a mouse stubs its paw!”

“She had your cutie mark, remember?” he countered. “So she was just as much in a wild frenzy as you were.”

“Ah. That makes more sense, then.” And Rarity looked down. “At least I was able to fly down and chase after the spider right away, when it pulled you from that thorn-tower. The very idea that you were its captive... its bait... and it tortured you for so long while Rainbow Dash was flying all the way from Ponyville...”

“Count our blessings,” he agreed.

When Lero got to the bit where he went to the Carousel Boutique with his bag full of of Rarity’s old belongings... and Rarity said the picture of them together actually showed Rainbow Dash... at that point, the real Rarity in front of Lero fell into tears, so he hugged her, consoled her, and skimmed over the rest of that part of his story.

Lero even told Rarity about getting drunk, making a giant meathead of himself at Sugar Cube Corner... and Discord. Everything about Discord. But he ended his story at the point where Discord had gifted him with erasing the memories of Rarity and every pony at Sugar Cube Corner. Modified or not, Lero felt that telling Rarity he’d then walked inside to find Rainbow Dash fellating Twilight’s horn — that would’ve hit a little too close to home for her.

“Wow,” she said. “That is... that would be quite a lot for anyone to be saddled with. And it certainly doesn’t seem like any of us are enjoying the situation you're describing... least of all, yourself.”

“No, I’m not, Rarity. Especially since this has actually been a recurring dream.”

“Recurring?” she repeated.

“I can’t explain why, but I’ve been having these dreams ever since you brought me to that hospital in Bramblewood Town. It’s never QUITE the same dream twice... yet I keep returning to this scenario in which all of you are swapped, and Rainbow Dash believes she’s my true love. And you know how ‘real’ dreams feel when you’re dreaming them.”

He pointed towards the pillow, imagination working overtime.

“In fact, I know without a doubt, that as soon as we’re done talking, as soon as I’ve fallen back asleep, I’m going to head right back into that world, whether I like it or not. The world where Dash has taken your place.”

“Lero... darling... have you thought that maybe the spider toxin had a bad effect on your mind? Maybe you should see someone about these dreams? Like a doctor... a good doctor!”

For a second, the upper line of Lero’s teeth worked feverishly upon his lower lip. Then he presented Rarity with his most glowing smile; gleaming with confidence and faith in her.

“I have something better than any doctor! I have you, Rarity!”

“Me?” she asked, as he clapped his hands proudly on her shoulders.

“You’ve always steered me right, my love! You’ve taught me so much about pony culture, helped me out whenever I fumbled! I promise, Rarity, I won’t let this turn into a pathological... thing. I know you’ll have the answer for this, too, and then I’ll be able to sleep easy again! Please, please, just tell me, Rarity: how should I treat the Rainbow Dash-who-believes-she’s-you?”

Rarity looked downwards towards her left.

Rarity looked downwards towards her right.

Then she looked back up at Lero.

“I think you should love her in the exact same way you love me.”

His eyes widened. “Even the...?” He made gestures with his hands, indicating physical intimacy.

She actually blushed a bit, but nodded. “Yes. Even that.”

Go ahead and allow me to love you thoroughly, just like Twilight did, while she prepares a cure. Was the translation that Lero Michealides heard in his head. Preserve the passionate relationship you have with Rainbow Dash at my own expense. I grant you my full permission.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Rarity paused. "Lero, dear, have you ever heard the phrase, 'Protect the Herd'?"

He frowned but nodded. "Yeah, I've heard it used a few times. Sarcastically, more often than not, whenever a pony's acting overcautious or overprotective."

Rarity let out a gentle laugh. "Yes, that is how it is mostly used nowadays... But it's still a statement of a very old Equestrian ideal. Back in the old days, often your herd was the only one you could trust and depend on. A pony deprived of a herd was bereft of protection and assistance. She was vulnerable to enemies and wild beasts, and less likely to be able to take care of herself... in short, most likely not long for this world. But protecting the herd isn't just protecting it from outside threats. It also meant keeping it intact. Preventing it from falling apart from within. That is your duty as a stallion, to keep our herd from falling apart. Not just for your sake, but for Twilight, Lyra, and Myself, as well... or, in this dream scenario, for Rainbow Dash."

He frowned. "I thought herds came apart all the time."

Rarity sighed. "Sadly, they do, these days, but it's never a thing to be celebrated or admired. It's a poor stallion who loses a mare, and a poor mare that drives off a herdsister."

Huh. Lero had never even considered the pony equivalent of divorce, since their social arrangements were much less formal than humans. Apparently, it was easier, but even more frowned upon. However, he had to get back on track.

"But... How is that fair to Rar- Rainbow Dash?"

"Lero... Let's put this situation on its head. Imagine, if you will, some absurd world where your dream was normality. Rainbow Dash was your lead mare, and I, somehow, didn't find you charming and attractive and wonderful."

She gave him a small grin, showing how obviously absurd she found that scenario. It was all he could manage to return a smile and give a weak laugh.

"Speaking for all the rest of us Element Bearers who aren't part of your herd... we love Twilight and Rainbow Dash like sisters. Spike is a darling, and Lyra, while not as close, is still a sweetheart and a good friend. And you're a good friend, who has given Twilight and me... ah, Rainbow so much joy. If taking Rainbow Dash's place is what was needed to maintain your herd... I would do it in a heartbeat. Spell or no spell. Outsider though I am."

She leaned over, and nudged him affectionately, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes. "And on a more personal note, you treat me like a princess. You're kind, loving, thoughtful, giving, affectionate, and, frankly, you're dynamite in the bedroom." She let out a small giggle, looking up. "Oh, my, if being your mare is the 'terrible fate' I have to suffer for the sake of my friend's herd... Well, I'll manage somehow!"

She winked, then met his gaze. "But, more seriously, given the full context of this terrible ‘Swap’ dilemma which your dream-self finds itself in... loving the pony who holds my love for you would be the... if not the right thing to do, then the least-wrong. Rejecting Rainbow Dash for my sake would only end up hurting us both. You'd be hurting two of the ponies who care for you most... simply so you could cling to a moral high ground.”

His hands dropped from her shoulders, staring into space. His mind felt rather blown, yet again. “I suppose you’re right, Rarity.”

“Lero, look at me. Look at me, Lero.”

He looked at her.

“All these nightmares you’re having... us breaking up, me leaving you, me forgetting you... those are just dreams. This is reality. I haven’t left you and never shall. Someday, you’ll be up there in a handsome white tuxedo, and Twilight, Lyra, and I will be right beside you in our beautiful bridal gowns and Spike will be our ring-bearer. Our lives will be as happy together as we've always been. Then Twilight’s going to find a way to help us have daughters and sons of our own. And if they should all look like you...”

She lifted Lero’s unresistant hand to her face, and nuzzled its palm and fingers.

“...Then I’ll be all the more honored as a mother.’’

Lero was tired, emotionally spent, and a still thousand miles away from being anywhere near comfortable with Rarity’s new place in his life, and Rainbow Dash's absence from it. But when Rarity hooked her arms around him again, Lero embraced her as well; his arms encircling her back. Their heads settled upon the same pillow.

“I’m very glad you love me, Rarity,” he said, just as Twilight had.

“Shush now. It’s gonna be okay,” she promised. “Just close your eyes and sleep with me.”

Lero felt her magic stroke at his head in a way that mimicked how his own palm had brushed her cutie mark. She kissed him softly to sleep. Nothing besides comfort passed between them that night...

* * *

...however, an hour later, in the dead of night, Rarity’s eyes shot open.

“But there’s just no way I’d have EVER been THAT bad a dressmaker, Lero.” Her voice was intense. She sounded like she were being possessed by some invading ghost. “Never in a million years. My dresses are the talk of Canterlot. My ensembles are works of art!”

Then she squeezed her eyes, fighting these alien thoughts back down to the darkness they’d scuttled up from. Such strange sleep-talk, what COULD she have been dreaming of? Thankfully, it hadn’t woken her stallion, who slept like a baby in her arms.

“Give my best to Rainbow Dash,” she whispered in his ear. “Have fun together, you two.”

Author's Note

Thank you all for sticking with this story for this long. At this point, we’ve reached what I consider to be the end of Act One.

We’ve established our core players, though more will come.
We’ve provided full context and defined the terms.
We’ve set the boundaries of what can and cannot be done.
The time for bafflement, false assumptions, and groping blindly in the dark is over.
The stakes are high and the penalties crushingly unforgiving.

Act One was all about having our heroes learn the full scope of their unenviable new situation, and be maneuvered into the new roles this situation demands they play.

Act Two will be all about them acting on this knowledge.

Stay tuned! You ain’t seen nothing yet!

And a major round of applause for Archonix for a great Star Sparkle!

Thank you, Rikmach, as well!

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