“Simply dashing,” the Fashionista said, smiling wanly over her cupcake. “You always do decorate these divinely.” Her multicolored mane hung limply down her back. “Perhaps we ought to try designing a line together? It can’t do much worse than my own efforts lately.”

“Aw, thanks, sugarcube,” the Party Pony said, forcing a smile of her own onto her face, and she gave her friend an encouraging nuzzle. “Don’t be so down on yerself. Yew told us all how the critics loved yer new stuff, right?”

“Yes, and it seemed like it was going so well!” Rainbow Dash moaned. “But ponies simply aren’t buying my outfits anymore. No matter how wonderful I make them, they’re simply too awesome for daily use, they say.” She reached up to adjust her hat. She always dressed in style, of course.

Twilight Sparkle’s head felt like it wasn’t just splitting, but had already split outright. She could see the mug of cider on the table in front of her, her… fifth? Sixth? Something like that. Her many-th of the day already. But at the same time, she seemed to be looking at the whole room from the side, watching herself and her friends. She wondered if she ought to get back home to Sweet Apple Acres, but she just couldn’t bear the idea of going back and spending another night trying to sleep through the inevitable, incessant, unbearable headaches.

Fluttershy leaned against the wan, haggard, quiet biped at the table with them. He’d run himself ragged for weeks, trying to help everypony with their sudden spate of problems, ever since Rarity got that spellbook from Princess Celestia. Her stallion just was such a great guy, he couldn’t leave everypony in such a slump, but then she’d lost her job with the weatherponies after one too many bright sunny days in a row, and he’d had to go back to the spa, and finally raise his prices. He had an endless string of rich Canterlot ponies coming through nowadays.

The other pony at the table, quiet, flat-maned, bright pink, hadn’t even nibbled at her cupcake, nor said a word. She just huddled to herself, glancing between her erstwhile friends on the infrequent moments when she looked up enough to see them. Nopony but Lero could get her to even leave her cottage these days; when most of her animals abandoned her, she’d become convinced that everypony, everyone, and everything hated her, and only her few remaining animal friends, Lero included, could get through to her at all.

“Maybe you could try selling them to another market?” Lero tiredly suggested to Rainbow Dash. His own decline had been the reason Fluttershy and Rarity tried to get their friends together. He’d been working so very, very hard, and lately he seemed to have almost entirely given up… on everything. He barely even commented on Twilight’s drinking anymore. Making a suggestion to Rainbow Dash was more than he’d done in a week.

“Another market, you say?” Rainbow Dash responded, trying to put an inviting look on her face. She might be near to losing the Boutique, but a smile cost nothing, after all. She could still give those away. “Where might I sell my designs, if not to the Canterlot upper crust?”

“Try a youth movement, maybe?” Lero said. Fluttershy and Rarity tried not to let their discomfort show. Why was it that their stallion still mustered himself to try to help their polychromatic friend when he’d even given up on giving them any more reassurance than a tired hug every now and then? “See if you can start a new trend for the teenage rebels…”

“It couldn’t hurt to try,” Rainbow Dash agreed, and looked down to her cupcake. Twilight somehow was sure that the culinary gift from the Cakes was the only thing the pegasus had eaten all day, but she continued daintily nibbling at it. “Fluttershy, do you think your little shadow might try modeling?”

Fluttershy winced. “Scootaloo’s… been real busy with schoolwork,” she transparently fibbed. “She might be outgrowing the whole hero-worship thing anyway. I mean… even for a pony as awesome as me.” She could only manage to put a crooked smile on. “Lots more time to practice for the Wonderbolts now, though, right?”

Nopony had the heart to remind her how silly her lifelong dream was. The Wonderbolts were aerobatic demonstrators. Pegasi might appreciate Fluttershy’s skill at slow-flight, but for Earth ponies and unicorns, she just wasn’t much of a show.

Twilight drank down her mug. The cider buzzed through her system. She felt like the part of her that was watching from across the room was horrified at her, but she didn’t care. Anything that made her head hurt less was good. “Yeah, tha’s jes’ it, shugahcube,” she drawl-slurred to Fluttershy. “Yew jes’ keep on pers… purse… perses… persnicking with that…”

“Persisting,” mumbled Rarity, her eyes half-closed, leaning on Lero’s other side. She was utterly convinced that everything had simply gone wrong since Princess Celestia had sent her Starswirl’s unfinished spell, but her efforts to cast it to find out what it was even supposed to do had met with nothing but failure. She’d lost weight in her monomaniacal efforts, and a lot of it, but was no closer to casting the spell than she’d been that first night. She knew she had the power, somewhere; when she was a filly, she’d transformed her entire school play stage into the Ponyville Playhouse, STILL the grandest performing theater in Equestria, but somehow she’d never been able to tap into that level since. And that letter Princess Celestia sent to her… telling her to put aside Starswirl’s spell and try to get on with her life… it was the most crushing thing she’d ever read. Princess Celestia, infinitely patient Princess Celestia, wisest pony in Equestria… didn’t believe she could do it. Didn’t believe that the bearer of the Element of Magic could figure out a single spell. Had failed her, even if she was too gentle to actually say so outright.

“Yeah,tha’ too,” Twilight agreed. She looked into her mug. Someone had drunk all of her cider again. Probably her, she guessed. Not like it’d be the first time. Stupid magic. Stupid horn. Bane of her life. Blew up that fancy school her parents tried to take her to. Made her leave Canterlot, leave her family. That’d driven her to Sweet Apple Acres, at least. She couldn’t imagine what she’d have done otherwise, but something in those wide open spaces, work to do, freedom to try to get a grip on her over-loaded magic without anypony getting blown up, it just called to her. She could pick the whole place in ten minutes, and wasn’t that a fine feeling? Even made the headaches go away for a bit. But then she’d build up too much magic again an hour later, and then she wouldn’t have a farm left to pluck clean anymore.

Applejack lifted her own mug. She’d barely sipped from it. “Here’s to th’ good ol’ days,” she said. “Ah remember when Ah first came t’ Ponyville… Saw that rainboom o’ yours, Rainbow Dash, clear from Manehattan. Brightest, shiniest thing I ever did see. Ah jes’ knew Ah had to make other ponies’ lives as bright and shiny as yew made mine that day.” She sighed and took a swig. “Guess Ponyville jes’ ain’t the place fer me ta do it no more.”

“Don’t be so glum, darling,” Rainbow Dash said, and extended a wing to brush against Applejack’s back. “I remember that day so vividly. Such… color, such glory, I just knew I had to find some way to take it and give a little piece of it to everypony, to let everypony know what it felt like to have something like that be part of them.” She brushed a hoof against her carefully-curled prismatic mane. “Perhaps you’ll spend some time with me before your move, Applejack? Please? I just have this feeling that if you come spend some time with me in the Boutique, we’ll both be better off.”

“Ah’ll try,” Applejack promised, and tapped her mug to Dash’s. They both drank.

“I wish I could rainboom,” Fluttershy said, looking out the window at the heavy downpour. Somewhere out there, Thunderlane was trying to get enough rain to make up for all of the unscheduled sunny days Fluttershy had caused. She felt her blood boiling at the sight. Stupid clouds. Stupid stupid clouds. She’d hated them for so long. Ever since one had taunted her with the promise of safety that day, when she was falling all the way from Cloudsdale, only to burst to bits when her hooves hit it. So she got worked up doing weather duty, so what? It made her the hardest working weatherpony anyone ever saw. She’d just… lost a little control these last few weeks, gone into a few too many cloud-bucking rages. Personally caused the worst drought Ponyville had ever experienced, nearly dried out all the farms for miles around.

Fluttershy pressed her head to Lero’s side. She wondered why his fingers shook a little when she said that about wishing she could rainboom... but he was there. He might have grown more distant lately, been paying more attention to Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle than to his own mares, but at least he was there. The only stallion for her. The only one who’d ever really cared more about her than about her body. She could still remember that day, remember when it hit her.

He wasn’t a pony at all, but he liked her. He couldn’t be sticking around because he wanted her body, could he?

“Hey, Lero,” she said. “I’ve got a question for you.”

“Oh?” he’d said. “What’s that?”

“Have you thought about what you want to do? Here in Ponyville, I mean?”

She remembered the feel of his hand on her back. Oh, he was so good at that, and he didn’t even know he was doing it. Her wings spread gloriously to the sides. “There’s got to be something I can do with my hands that wouldn’t be so well-suited to hooves,” he’d said.

She’d moaned outright. “Oh, I know just what you can do,” she’d told him. “You give the best… rubs… I’ve ever felt.”

“Massage, huh?” he’d responded, entirely missing her point. “That could work.”

She remembered laughing. “Oh, Lero, it's always such a relief to come be with you. Everyone's always hitting on me all day long while I'm trying to do my weather work."

"That must get pretty tiresome."

"Oh, you have no idea. My dock hurts from holding my tail up all day, I ended up having to use half of the rainclouds in town for showers, and that cumulus over there was a thunderhead before we *ahem* painted it white."

She remembered the LOOK on his face.

"... Just kidding you, Lero. But it is nice to meet someone who's not just after my body." And then she’d kissed him. “Do you mind if I come after yours instead?”

“I remember that day,” Pinkie whispered, bringing Fluttershy out of her reverie. It was the first thing any of her friends had heard from her in weeks. They all stopped to listen. She was looking up at the ceiling, as though watching all over again. “The rock farm was so cold and grey that day, but then the rainbow came, and all those… those beautiful butterflies came dancing across the field…” For just a moment, the tiny shadow of a smile crossed her lips. “I danced with them. My very first friends.”

And then her eyes dimmed and her face dropped. “Butterflies don’t live very long. They’re all gone now. All of my first friends. All of my friends…”

“We’re still here, Pinkie, darling,” Rainbow Dash said.

But Pinkie Pie just pushed herself away from the table and fled, running out into the rain. Nopony followed her. Lero watched the door bounce off the wall and then slam shut, and a little more light died in his eyes.

Twilight Sparkle found more cider in her mug, from somewhere. She didn’t much care where it came from. She drank it. Her head felt heavy, so she put it down on the table. The watching part of her was disgusted at her, and she thought she probably agreed.

The room was quiet. Applejack finally broke the silence by saying, “Ah better get Twilight back home. It was good ta see y’all.”

Twilight was just shy of passed out, but part of her watched the others walk out into the rain, Lero’s clothing soaked right through in seconds. He’d lost weight too. They all had. Even Applejack’s constant binging on fritters hadn’t kept her from dropping some pounds to worry lately.

It made Twilight that much easier for Applejack to carry, at least. That disembodied part of her watched Applejack trudge down the long road to Sweet Apple Acres, a semiconscious soused unicorn draped over her back. She could hear Applejack talking, more to herself than to Twilight.

“Where’d it all go wrong? We were all so happy jes’ a month ago. Then we all jes’… lost it, all at once. Maybe Rarity’s right, maybe that book is cursed. Maybe… maybe…” She shook her head. “Aw, who’m Ah kiddin’? Even Princess Celestia knows Rarity ain’t gonna be able to cast that spell an’ get everythin’ workin’ right agan.”

The party pony sighed again and set Twilight Sparkle down underneath an apple tree at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. “Ah’m gonna miss Ponyville, but Appleloosa’s where ponies like mah kinda shindigs. Real shame.” She ran a hoof along the tree over Twilight’s head. “Ah’m even gonna miss this place, an’ Ah hardly even come out here ‘cept ta visit Twilight.”

And then tears began to run down her cheeks. “BUCK IT ALL! WHY’S EVERYTHING HAVE TO GO SO WRONG?” She spun around, planted her forehooves in the ground, and bucked that tree like it was the source of all her problems, and the apples poured down like the rain beating on Applejack’s hat. Applejack stared, her eyes widening, and then an apple hit Twilight Sparkle squarely on the head, and…

* * *

“It’s my fault, Applejack, it’s all my fault!” gasped Twilight as her eyes snapped open. She glanced around the room. This wasn’t her room, this wasn’t Sweet Apple Acres!

Then she felt warm bodies against her, and the shreds of the dream fell away. The soft sounds of Lyra, Lero, and Rarity breathing helped her heart rate slow, the feeling of their bodies relaxed in sleep against her. She stared up at the ceiling. She hadn’t done that, at least. She hadn’t made everything that bad. She hadn’t made it so bad that Lero couldn’t save her. That her stallion couldn’t save her friends while she wasted weeks and weeks accomplishing nothing.

Twilight carefully extracted herself from the bed, slowly tugging herself away from Lero’s sensitive hands, from Rarity’s happy sleep-nuzzles. She knew from long experience that trying to get back to sleep after a nightmare like that would just result in her thinking over the entire thing, over and over, all night long, and leave her a worn-out wreck in the morning. She hadn’t had one that bad in ages, though.

And Princess Celestia wasn’t just down the hall to go running to, not anymore. She couldn’t hide from the nightmares under the snowy white feathers of an alicorn’s wing. She’d have to try the next best thing.

A nice hot cup of tea.

She was halfway down the stairs when she heard the teakettle whistling. She almost fell the rest of the way when she reflexively started to take a step backwards, but caught herself. She reached up to touch her horn, to make sure she hadn’t put the kettle on herself from afar without thinking. Unconscious casting would be just the thing to make her life really, really wonderful right about now. She knew without boasting that if she started casting unintentionally, there wasn’t a unicorn in Equestria who’d be able to contain her. And she thought she’d have good odds taking on at least one of the alicorns, if it came to that… even if she wasn’t trying to, even if Shining Armor would insist that Cadence was every bit the alicorn that Celestia and Luna were. But no, her horn was dark; she hadn’t lost her self-control. Which simply raised the question, who was making tea?

The click of claws on the wooden floor answered that, so different from Lero’s quiet footsteps or the brisk clop of hooves. “Spike?” she called softly. “What are you doing up so late?” She heard water being poured into a cup, and continued down.

“Somepony told me you needed help,” Spike’s voice returned from the kitchen. “And she still has trouble getting into Lero’s dreams, so she came to me. That’s why we’re on the List, isn’t it? To be here for you?”

Twilight entered. Spike was there, wearing a nightcap and fuzzy slippers, but he’d put her tea out for her on the table, just the way she liked it. She swept him up into a hug. He didn’t resist; far from it. He pressed his head against her. She felt the tension in his chubby little body, and fresh guilt blazed through her. Poor Spike. She’d been neglecting him, too, not just her friends and mates, hadn’t she? No wonder he’d lashed out at Lero.

“Twilight?” he asked her, still pressing his scaly face against her chest.

“Yes, Spike?” she responded, running her hoof down along his back. He was trembling a little.

“It’s okay, right? That I can help Applejack. It doesn’t have to be Lero every time, right? He… he isn’t the only one who can help?”

“Hey,” she said, and knelt down, pulling him more tightly against her. “Everypony can help. You can help Applejack, you can help me, you can help anypony you want to.” She squeezed. “None of this is your fault. Nothing that happens is your fault. It’s all mine. You’re being the best assistant ever, Spike, and it’s my fault I didn’t give you enough attention and..”

“Nuh-uh,” he said, and she felt his claws pricking through her coat as he held her tightly. “Don’t you go blaming yourself for what I did. I was mad and I hurt Lero, and I’m sorry I did it. You’re gonna fix everything, Twilight. I know you are. You’re gonna fix it all. But in the meantime, I’m gonna keep helping Applejack.” He sniffed, and loosened his grip enough to look up into her eyes. “Don’t tell Lero, all right? I was doing so good today, but then I had this dream that I messed her up because only Lero can make it work…”

Twilight kissed him on the forehead. “It was just a dream, Spike. You’re doing great, and you’re digging Applejack out of the hole I made for her.”

Spike rested against her chest in silence, then said, “Don’t blame yourself like that, Twilight. Please. You couldn’t have known.”

She was quiet in turn after that. He buried his face into her coat, and she felt his hot tears. “Even if I didn’t know, it’s still my fault,” she said to him.

“No!” he cried. “Stop saying that! It’s not your fault, and you’re going to make everything better! Promise me! You’re going to make everything better again!”

Twilight smiled, just a little. “Pinkie Promise,” she told him. Using that felt more real than the silly Fluttershy version. It wasn’t like she even had wings to cross or feathers to pluck. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

But Spike shook his head and pulled away. “No. Not good enough. Not this time,” he said, looking up at her.

“A Pinkie Promise isn’t good enough?” Twilight asked, ears lifting. “You know nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise.”

“Not good enough,” Spike repeated. He reached his hands up to hold her head, looking into her face. “This time, I just want you to look me in the eye and mean it.”

Twilight looked back at him. She looked at the desperation on his face, the tiredness. She thought about what it meant that he was up in the middle of the night for her, when usually it was a chore to get him out of bed before library hours opened. She thought about what it meant that Luna was watching her dreams and sending her help.

She thought about what Spike meant to her. And Lero. And Lyra. And Rainbow Dash, and Rarity, and Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie, and Applejack.

“I promise,” she said, looking him in the eye. “I will find a cure.”

He looked back up at her, then nodded. “Okay.” He let go of the hug. “Your tea’s getting cold.” He yawned, sharp teeth opened wide.

Twilight smiled at him. “Get to bed, Spike. I think I don’t need the tea now, anyway.”

* * *

“Super-duper splendaroonies!” the Fashionista exclaimed, beaming over her cupcake. “You always do decorate these divinely.” Her bright pink mane was an artfully styled thicket of curls down her back. “Perhaps we ought to try designing a line together?” She giggled. “I’ve been doing a lot better with collaborations lately.”

“Oh, darling, you’re simply being silly now, and isn’t that my job?” the Party Pony said, a smile of her own swirling into its accustomed spot on her face, and she gave her friend an encouraging nuzzle. “Your latest lines have been the hit of Ponyville, even if the critics have been sticking their thoughtless snoots in the air. Why, after what that cad Jet Set wrote about your swimwear collection, I put him onto my no-parties list very first thing!”

Twilight Sparkle mock-gasped. “The no-parties list, Rarity? That’s harsh! How many ponies have you got on that list?”

Rarity tossed her frizzy purple mane. “Just the one. But really, Twilight, you should have seen the awful things he said. Frivolous, indeed! Hmph!”

Twilight let out a guffaw. “You’re just mad because that’s your style he panned, Rares!”

Rarity stuck out her tongue. “I am not! I am quite sure that I have retained every ounce of style, and Pinkie has brought her own talents to bear on the world of fashion. Lero, back me up here.”

Lero laughed, running a hand down Rainbow Dash’s mane. “It’s a mix, Rarity,” he told her cheerfully. “You were never so… exuberant before, and Pinkie was extremely random. You’re making parties with style, she’s making fashion with fun.”

“As opposed to what, Lero? Parties with fun and fashion with style?” Rainbow Dash asked, arching an eyebrow. “I don’t know about you, but I always enjoy Rarity’s parties, and Pinkie’s designs are wonderful.”

Twilight snickered and magically picked up a spoon to bop Rainbow Dash on the nose. Dash flicked a feather, and the air swirled to catch the spoon before it could land, settling it neatly back on the table. “Oh, you know what he’s talking about, Dash. You remember that one party Rarity did, right? Where it was just all-out wild bouncing off the walls all night? And Pinkie’s Gala dresses, those were way more classic than her usual kind. Just picture it like Rarity doing those parties every time, and Pinkie always making dresses like that.”

Rainbow Dash gave that due consideration. “Lero, are you entirely sure the Swap wasn’t in self-defense?” she asked. “A town full of ponies in Canterlot styles, all right, but how would we survive parties like that every week?”

“Pinkie’s always been very conscientious of doing proper cleanup afterward,” Lero explained. “And they’re usually more… gleeful than riotous.”

Pinkie winked at Rarity. “See? Even when I’m you, I do my homework!”

Rarity laughed and reached a hoof over to boop Pinkie’s nose. “I forget to clean up your Boutique one time, and I never hear the end of it! I got the main room, didn’t I? And honestly, your little ‘inspiration room’ just needed a touch of creative chaos to it.”

“Bravo! Bravissimo!” declared Discord, daintily sipping the spoon out of a cup of tea from the adjacent table. “You see, Twilight? Even Rarity agrees with me, you ponies do need more chaos in your lives.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Like duh! Things around here would be totally boring if we didn’t have the wild weather from the Everfree coming in all the time, and all these adventures to do.” She smirked at the chaos spirit. “You were talking to ‘old Twilight’ again, weren’t you?”

Discord laughed. “I was at that. You’ll simply have to forgive me, the resemblance is uncanny.” He demonstrated by holding up a large tin can, bearing the label “Old Twilight” on it, and an irritated-looking purple unicorn underneath the words glowering at Discord. She waved a hoof and yelled something, but labels can’t talk. He set the can down, and it vanished.

“Well, I suppose I can’t argue either,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “If it weren’t for random luck, none of us here would exist right now? As we are, that is.” She smiled, then bent her neck to nuzzle at Twilight. “Even if I’m supposed to be a weatherpony, I’m glad I’m getting the chance to learn to be you instead, Twi.”

“You’re a fast learner, my little egghead,” Twilight teased, but nuzzled back fondly. “Just a couple of weeks ago, it was so funny watching you flail around, trying to remember how to make your spells work, and now look at you. I betcha you could even take me in horn-wrestling again.”

Dash laughed. “Yeah, yeah, and you were up three nights in a row trying to get that one cloud ‘just right’ until Lero hauled you home.”

Twilight glanced out the window and made a face. “Still not awesome enough. There should be at least a couple of thunderheads and maybe some extra cirrus.” Her horn began to glow.

Lero’s free hand reached over to stroke two fingertips along that hard length. Twilight gasped, cheeks heating. “Hey! We’re in public, big guy!” She tugged her head back, horn blinking out.

Lero grinned at her. “So I found a great way to distract you. Are you really complaining?”

“Cutie Mark Compulsion Disorder is a very serious condition, whether it comes from the Cutie Pox or, in our case, a spell,” Rainbow Dash agreed soberly. “Fortunately, Lero is completely immune, so he can keep us from indulging inappropriate ooh, Lero, stop that!” She blushed in turn and squirmed as Lero’s hand drifted dangerously low on her neck. “I wasn’t even casting anything!”

“You were sounding a little extra-Twilighty there,” he said with a grin. “I wouldn’t want you to go building a bookfort.”

“Booknest,” Dash reminded him. “Books don’t stack high enough for a comfortably elevated ceiling.” She ahemed. “Fluttershy? Applejack? Are you two all right over there?”

Applejack sighed rapturously. “Oh, yes, darlin’, absoluuuutely peachy.” She took another blissful bite of the apple pie Fluttershy had brought from the farm. “Sorry if y’all wanted me ta talk more, but Fluttershy’s jes’ such a good cook. Every time Ah try her apples, it just takes me home again. Ah know Ah’m too quiet...”

“Y’all’re always welcome t’ come back, Sugarcube,” Fluttershy told her friend with a smile. “Jes’ cause y’all live in that cottage of yours don’t mean you can’t come back to see yer family more.” She rolled her eyes. “Ah promise, there’s days Ah’m glad Ah can remind mahself that Apple Bloom’s supposed ta be your problem.”

“Ah’m sorry,” Applejack apologized, ears wilting. “Ah know that, but if Ah don’t run herd on all mah animals, y’all know they jes’ run wild over Ponyville.” She gave Lero a grateful look. “Like they were doin’ right after that spell, ‘til Lero set us straight. Once Ah started herdin’ em instead of tryin’ to sweet-talk ‘em all, things got right back where they oughtta be.”

“Well, maybe Spike could stop by and give y’all a break,” Fluttershy said. “He knows how ta keep them critters behavin.’” She chuckled. “Ain’t like on the farm, where Ah can jes’ give ‘em a good talkin’ to and keep the peace.”

Rarity giggled and clopped her hooves. “Ooh! Oh! Hey, that gives me an idea! Lero, we’re all Swapped around, right? So yooooou…. don’t know how we got our cutie marks! Do you? And neither does Princess Luna!”

“Princess Luna? What’s she got to do with anything?” Lero asked, confused.

Rarity just waved at one of the walls, then giggled. “She’s really curious, and if she wasn’t before then she is now! I’ll start!” She was almost bouncing in her seat. “So I was working on my school play when I was a little filly with no cutie mark and of course I didn’t have a cutie mark because this is the cutie mark story, but anyway…”

She paused and took a deep breath.

“Oh, goodness me. Terribly sorry, I just can’t seem to tell stories as fast as usual these days.” She tittered. “Almost as though I haven’t been working on lung capacity for my whole life, isn’t it? I bet that comes from you, Pinkie, doesn’t it, Lero? You said we’ve our own bodies, after all, and that’s a physical training issue.”

“Yes, that’s definitely a ‘Pinkie thing,’” Lero said, pushing a laugh down into a smile. “Just keep going and we’ll try to keep you on track.”

“Ahem! Well! At any rate, I was working on the school play, and you know how foals are with crafts, like the costumes and stage design. I was feeling terribly depressed about how drab it all was, and I was even debating finding our teacher to admit defeat and plea for help. But then, then I saw it!”

“The rainboom?” Lero asked.

Rainbow Dash’s eyes lit up. “You mean, that’s not Twilight’s? Really? The rainboom is mine?” Her wings fluttered on her back, and she admitted, “I… assumed that Twilight was the one to bring us all together. If normally I’m… just a normal pegasus.”

Lero bent to kiss his multicolored mate firmly. “You are never ‘just’ anything. You are Rainbow Freakin’ Dash, the most awesome pony to ever live, the first to rainboom in a thousand years if the history books are right about it happening then, and you are one hundred percent part of my herd regardless of which parts come from Rainbow Dash and which parts come from Twilight Sparkle.”

“SECOND most awesome pony to ever live,” Twilight Sparkle firmly corrected Lero, and leaned in to nuzzle Dash again. "Sorry, egghead, but c’mon, look what you’re competing with. Sure, pegasus who figures out how to tap into her magic and cast with her wings is itself totally amazing, but that’s gotta match up against the first unicorn Wonderbolt.”

Fluttershy giggled. “Aw, Twi, you’re not a unicorn Wonderbolt yet, are ya? So you can let ‘Old Rainbow Dash’ have the title for now, right?”

Twilight snorted. “Fiiiiiiine. I got all the awesomest bits anyway. Sheesh, Lero, sometimes I still think you’ve got everypony in town working together to prank us.”

“Yeah, Miss Dances-With-Lightning cooped up with me all day in the library?” Dash agreed. “That would seriously cut into your ‘awesome’ time, Twilight.” Then she facehoofed. “Oh, sweet Celestia, I’m the one with the ‘awesome’ obsession, aren’t I?”

Everypony laughed, even Discord, who was finding it remarkably pleasant to bathe in friendly bickering and teasing. Not as deep and rich as genuine anger, to be sure, but a more delicate, refined form of disagreement. Rather like the difference, he supposed, between drinking a spoon that had been sitting in a cup of coffee for a week, and one that had merely been used to briefly stir a cup of Earl Grey tea, piping hot.

“Aaaaanyway,” Twilight continued, “Mine was pretty similar. I was a filly, going to this stuffy ol’ school for noble unicorns…”

Pinkie swooned dramatically. “Twilight, darling, Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns is not a ‘stuffy ol’ school,’ and it does not restrict itself to noble unicorns… Duchess.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll find a way out of that,” grumbled Twilight, blushing. “Maybe Shining can be Duke instead. He can multi-task. Aaaaanyway. My parents were taking me to this entrance exam for this unicorns-only school, and they’d just brought in this big ol’ egg and told me to hatch it. So I’m looking at it and thinking, ‘What, am I supposed to sit on it or something?’ But I couldn’t just say that, ‘cause even if I didn’t really wanna go there, I wasn’t gonna fail at it. Twilight Sparkle doesn’t fail. But all of a sudden, there’s this big explosion, and color streaming in through the windows, and I watch the egg crack right open in front of me. But before I could say ‘Hey, that was me,’ all of a sudden it was me. Not the egg, but a big surge. My horn went off so hard it turned Spike giant and set half the room on fire. Fortunately, Spike broke right through the ceiling, and I could see some clouds up there, so I just reached up and grabbed ‘em, and put out the fire with those. I didn’t know unicorns aren’t supposed to be able to do that! So they had me split time between Princess Celestia’s school and Flight School, doing all the magic classes and the weather classes together.”

Rainbow Dash smiled. “And that’s where we met,” she told Lero. “Because while Twilight was doing magic classes and weather classes, I was doing magic classes and weather classes too. I was Princess Celestia’s personal student, and she always had time for me, but no pegasus ever learned how to cast magic like me before, so even Princess Celestia didn’t always know what to do with me. So she thought I should get a mix of education. Then once I had things figured out, she wanted to take me out to privately tutor me.”

Twilight leaned happily back in. “Sappiest thing ever,” she said fondly. “This little blue pegasus, right in front of Flight School, just got told she’s ready to stand next to the freakin’ Princess as her personal student, and what’s she say? ‘Not without Twilight Sparkle.’ I just about dropped off the clouds right there, you had me so surprised.”

Rainbow Dash smiled back and gently kissed Twilight’s cheek. “Hay. Lero says I used to have Loyalty. Guess I’ve still got some of that in me. I wasn’t gonna leave the most awesome unicorn ever to be alone up there. That was the scariest thing I ever did, the first time I ever told Princess Celestia ‘no.’ So she looked down at me, and then over at Twilight Sparkle…” She sighed rapturously, remembering that look. “... And then she said, ‘Well, I think she can keep up.’” Dash winked at Twilight. “And you remember what we did then?”

Twilight facehoofed. “You really wanna do that? In here?”

Dash just nodded, beaming. Twilight sighed ruefully. “All right, all right. Only for you, Dashie, only for you.” The two mares got to their hooves… and then began to hop ecstatically around the table as though it was Princess Celestia, squealing, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!”

Rarity giggled. “It was the cutest thing we ever saw!”

Dash stopped in her bouncing, and Twilight ran into her backside. The two fell over, and Dash spluttered, “Rarity, that’s silly! We were up in Cloudsdale when that happened, and even today you don’t know a cloudwalking spell. How could you have seen it?”

Rarity beamed. “‘Cause you did the same thing when you asked Lero to be your herd’s stallion and he said ‘yes’ too! You were bouncing all around him together and then you took him back to the library and then you were totally trying to keep it a secret for a few days but it was the worst-kept secret ever because everypony saw you bouncing home together! And all the magic-boomies coming out the windows were flashing all night, and Twilight’s a screamer!”

Twilight’s face went bright red and she started to try to sink down under the table. It didn’t work too well; quadrupeds have a lot of legs to fit under there already and there wasn’t much room left.

Fluttershy laughed and leaned back. “So y’all probably figured out Rainbow Dash got her mark when she did that rainboom, and only a pegasus with her crazy-intense focus on her wings could muster enough magical control to make it through the barrier - and then to use that control on other stuff. Ah wouldn’t try that for all the apples in Equestria. Probably yank mah feathers right out just from th’ wind. Ah ain’t ever been what you’d call a strong flier. Matter of fact, that’s what got Rainbow doin’ the Rainboom in the first place. Ah was gettin’ picked on, an’ Dashie stood right up there and challenged those bullies to a race to get ‘em off me. An’ Ah missed the whole thing ‘cause Ah got so startled by the start that I fell right offa the clouds! Came right down into an apple tree on Sweet Apple Acres…”

She blushed. “An’ despite what y’all say, the apple that convinced me Ah never wanted to leave was a Red Delicious, not Big Mac! Though, uh, Ah won’t deny that Ah’ve been mighty glad Ah met him when Ah did. We’ve been the happiest ponies in Ponyville together, an’ that ain’t no lie an’ that ain’t no secret. But Ah fell in love with Sweet Apple Acres first, then Big Mac.” She smiled at Applejack. “An’ Ah’ll stop there, on account of AJ does her own Big Mac impression if Ah start talkin’ more about him.”

Applejack’s cheeks went red anyhow. “Some things a pony jes’ don’t wanna hear about her brother,” she squeaked. “Anyhow, Ah wasn’t really so done in by the Rainboom, unlike the rest of y’all. See, Ah was on mah way ta Manehattan to visit mah Aunt and Uncle Orange on account of Ah was real torn up about…” She stopped, and rubbed her eyes. “Well, Ah was real torn up an’ Ah jes’ couldn’t bear to be around the farm right then. But Ah was goin’ right through Whitetail Woods, an’ what happened but Curly the Bear was in an awful grouchy mood, an’ he came right up an’ roared at me! Ah was so surprised Ah turned right around and bucked ‘im square in the belly. An’ when he got up, he was so sorry he’d roared at me, an’ I jes’ knew somepony had ta start takin’ better care of all th’ animals around Ponyville. Ah saw the rainboom, but that was a couple days later, an’ Ah already had mah cutie mark by then.”

Applejack paused, then asked Lero, “How’d it go… normally? Ah mean, when Ah’m… Fluttershy?”

Lero smiled at her. “Well, to me, you are Fluttershy right now. But normally, you made it to Manehattan, then the rainboom showed you the way back home, and you knew where you belonged.”

Applejack wiped at her eye. “So… Ah… was already goin’ there in… in the real world too?”

Fluttershy leaned in to give her sister-in-law a hug. “Lero’s told us it only changed us, AJ,” she said softly. “Yew bein’ me didn’t... make that happen. Some things just are, and ain’t no spell can change ‘em. Ah’ll tell you as many times as you need to hear it, Applejack, it ain’t your fault and your home’s always waitin’ for you to come back.”

Applejack leaned into the hug. “Ah’m sorry, Fluttershy, Ah don’t mean ta be such a wimp.”

Twilight Sparkle snorted. “‘Wimp,’ she says. Wrestles bears, hydras, and Cerberus himself, and calls herself a wimp.” She floated a cupcake over in front of Applejack. “Losing ponies hurts. That doesn’t make you a wimp. It makes you appreciate the ponies you still have left.”

Applejack smiled. “Ah’m sorry Ah called mahself a wimp, then,” she said softly. “Ah’m really glad Ah’ve got all mah friends to be there when Ah’m feelin’ down.”

“My turn, my turn!” Pinkie cheerfully interjected. “Before we get into being total drama llamas and groany ponies! So there I was! Crawling through the barbed wire, trying to not make a sound so the sentries wouldn’t know I was there, when suddenly, it all went south! ‘Pinkie,” my dad said, ‘Quit rolling around in the dirt and get your chores done.’ I was about to explain just why it was so important to get into the secret lab when BOOM! Rainboom, all across the sky. Daddy was so amazed he dropped his wheat stalk, and we only got six of those a year for him to chew on, so that was a really big deal.”

Pinkie smiled, looking up at the ceiling. “And I just stared at it. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.” She looked over to Dash and smiled again. “It still is, I think. Even the Crystal Empire just can’t compare. So perhaps I can’t create quite such a splendid display, but I dedicated my life on the spot to doing what I could to share such beauty with all of Equestria. And my experience on the rock farm did mean I was quite good at locating rich gem deposits, so when I came to Ponyville I found the local Diamond Dogs and came to an agreement with them. They’re quite fond of me, you know. ‘The Shiny Pony,’ they call me, and they even made me an honorary packmember.”

“Ugh, we know, we know, you’ve told us all that story a thousand times,” groaned Twilight.

Pinkie sniffed. “I’ve told you a thousand times, perhaps, and I remember telling Lero all about it, but we’re none of us in our right minds right now, and I rather think I like knowing that some part of the life I remember will carry on in Lero. Of course it’s terribly awkward trying to deal with everypony else remembering the… other us, and I wouldn’t dream of keeping ‘Old Rarity’ and ‘Old Pinkie Pie’ from returning… but I can like who I am for now, can’t I?”

“Aw, don’t worry, Pinkie!” Rarity happily told her. “We all like you! And somepony else likes you and she’ll make sure we still exist just like we are now even if it’s not out in the real world and we’ll show some other ponies just how happy we are right now so they won’t feel so bad and then when that’s done we’ll go back behind the scenes but we’ll keep going even then, so keep your chin up, Twilight!”

“Ack!” Twilight said, wiping at her chin. She had frosting on it. She blushed. “I was trying to follow all of that,” she said, and took a revenge-bite out of the dessert to punish it for getting frosting on her.

“Rainbow?” said Spike, sitting up woozily. “I think I ate too much ice cream again…”

Rainbow Dash laughed and crouched down. “Hop on up, squirt,” she told him fondly. “Sorry, everyone, I think I’d better take little greedy-guts here home.” Lero and Twilight Sparkle got up as well, to escort their herdmate home.

“Just a moment, girls,” Discord commented. “There is one more thing you ought to know, don’t you think?”

“Discord, you know Ah don’ like it when yew get that look on yer face,” Applejack warned him, but the draconequus just smirked.

“Oh, silly little Applejack. I know no such thing. You know that, and you remember so on and so forth, but for me? I’m afraid that my friend isn’t here right now, and without her, well, I am a spirit of chaos, aren’t I? Being prone to random whims is simply in my nature, just the same way Fluttershy here gets such urges to rush back to the farm and buck apples, or Twilight Sparkle’s fixation on clouds. And it does occur to me that at the moment, muddled up as you are, you’re not really able to use the Elements of Harmony on me, are you? You’re all switched and swapped around, none of you left with the simple purity that the Elements require.”

Discord stretched and snapped his fingers. The pastries behind the glass counter sprouted legs and began to stretch, then bark at the ponies. “And it has been a rather long time since the last Age of Discord…”

“Hold that thought,” Rainbow Dash said. She flicked her wings up, and the Elements teleported right out of their case at her library. “You don’t think we can use these, do you?”

“Well, of course not!” Discord chortled. “You and Twilight Sparkle, Rarity and Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Applejack, you’re each half of two separate Elements. You just haven’t got what it takes to use them right now! … Erm, what are you doing?”

The mares had pushed back from the table and lined up in front of Discord. Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, and Applejack had their front hooves on the table. Rainbow Dash was behind Twilight, hugging her. Pinkie was behind Rarity. Fluttershy was behind Applejack. Each pairing had their forelegs together, both right arms through one necklace (or, in one case, a tiara), both left arms through the other.

“Not our usual formation, but it’ll do,” Rainbow Dash commented smugly. “You didn’t think we hadn’t thought of that, did you? Two halves make a whole, you know.”

“Oh, poop,” muttered Discord. “Wake me up when Fluttershy’s back, then, would you?”

“We’ll think about it,” Twilight Sparkle sneered.

And Sugarcube Corner filled with rainbow light.

“Gyuhhhh… What just happened?” asked Rainbow Dash, pulling one hoof back, out of Twilight’s Element of Magic. “Did we just zap Discord? Why are we all piled up like that? Was he doing something?”

Lero let out a grateful sigh. “No, I think in his own way, he was trying to help,” he said, looking at the resigned expression on the statue’s face. “Twilight? Do you remember that Starswirl spell?”

Twilight Sparkle looked down at the Element of Loyalty still hung around one of her hooves, holding Rainbow Dash atop her. She looked up at Lero. “You’re going to have to tell me the results of the experiment, I guess.” She lifted her head to nuzzle Rainbow Dash from below. “Something tells me it’s a pretty awesome story.”

Dash chuckled. “Yeah, I bet that’s gonna make a great report to Princess Celestia.”

Without thinking, she flicked a feather, and a cupcake flew over for her to take a bite from it. Lero’s eyes widened, and then he smiled. “I think she might want to see for herself,” he said.

“We’re back! We’re back!” chanted Pinkie Pie and Rarity, each clopping her forehooves together. Then Rarity blinked. “What exactly are we back from, Pinkie?”

Pinkie beamed at Rarity. Rarity shook her head and laughed. “Oh, very well. We’re back! We’re back!” And she resumed cheerfully celebrating with no real understanding why. It just felt right to let herself be a little bit Pinkie now and then, she thought.

* * *

Twilight smiled in her sleep, snuggling tight to her herdmates. She didn’t awaken the rest of the night.

* * *

“I had a thought,” Lyra commented to Twilight and Lero, the next morning.

It was just the three of them at this household. Spike and Rarity had left; the dragon to go put in some hours helping Applejack, the unicorn to her job. But Rarity had assured them she’d be getting off work early today, while Spike promised it really WOULD be just a FEW hours, this time. Lyra, Twilight, and Lero were gathering stuff to be brought up to Rarity’s cloud house, and putting it in boxes.

“What if these dreams Twilight had last night aren’t just mere dreams? Twilight, what if you’re being shown a window into some of those alternate universes? The ones that Discord mentioned to Lero?”

Twilight had woken up in a good mood, and remained cheerful all that morning, but wouldn’t specify why until Rarity had left. Then she’d recounted her dreams to Lyra and Lero, who had both listened very intently to every detail.

“You know what?” Lero said. “I think it’s a theory worth considering. Between Discord, The Swap itself, and Spike mentioning Princess Luna last night… maybe someone’s trying to send us a message. What do you think, Twilight?”

“Might be something, might be nothing,” Twilight spoke. “But if nothing else, it’s at least a fun thing to talk about while we’re packing.”

“Alright then,” said Lyra. “Let’s assume that these dreams are real: actual alternate versions of Equestria, of the Swap. What are we to conclude?"

They all stopped what they were doing, just to think.

“Well, what intrigues me is that a few of the rules seem open to change from one world to the next, for whatever reason.”

Twilight added another book to her current box. “Like with that happy dream I had. Discord didn’t even have a Bewitchment in place… and yet the Swapped Ponies there DIDN’T go insane, and even managed to create happy lives for themselves.”

“Not to mention The Swap didn’t just make Rainbow Dash think she was Celestia’s student… Dash was able to USE actual magic,” added Lyra.

Chuckling, Lero set down his current box by a column four-boxes high, starting a new stack. “A pony who’s able to fly AND cast magic… isn’t that an alicorn, by definition?”

“Rainbow as an alicorn, wouldn’t that be rich?” Lyra said. It was too perfect a picture: the horned, cyan giantess-among-ponies showing off at the Summer Sun Celebration; every sunbeam upstaged by a rainbow! “But no, I think you need the horn too, or the crown might fall off.” Twilight let out a laugh at Lyra’s straight face.

“But if the Swap’s willing to bestow magical powers upon a non-unicorn in order to convince her she’s the Element of Magic maybe…” Lero shot Twilight a look.

“I see where you’re going with this, Lero,” Twilight said, grabbing a rag and wiping the spiderwebs off a first aid kit. “‘Maybe my slot machine theory could work after all.’ I mean, look at Rarity. She always had lots of raw magical power. Remember how she was always animating everything in Carousel Boutique to make her dresses?"

The other two nodded in remembrance.

"But the focus of her talent prevented it ever developing very far past that point. Here, though, she remembers being trained in weather magic, so she knows weather magic. She remembers me teaching her how to teleport, so she can teleport. She remembers creating the Diamond Hailstorm, so she can now create the Diamond Hailstorm. So definitely the swap empowers those affected by it so they can live the lives they remember. So the slot machine theory's an idea I mean to test, once everything’s set up in the cloud house.”

Then the purple unicorn looked to the ceiling as a new thought struck her. “Is it the Swap, though?”

“Beg your pardon?”

“Is it the Swap that ‘gave’ Rainbow her magic? Inserted it into her, like milk poured into tea? Or was it there all along?”

Lyra and Lero looked at each other. “I don’t think we’re following you,” Lyra said.

“Did the Swap ‘give’ Rarity her weather powers for that matter? Or did she always secretly have the capacity to command climate so masterfully, latent and tucked away? And if so… could it potentially be that pegasi might have the innate capacity for magic...?”

“Twilight, that's getting a little... farfetched, don't you think?" said Lyra. "I mean, yes, of course pegasi have magic, but it's tied up in cloud-shaping and things like that. Even if there is a way for pegasi to use their magic for something else, and I'm not saying there isn't, you don't actually know how she did it in your dream, do you?”

Twilight seemed to shake herself out of a funk. “Of course! Of course. What was I thinking? Pegasi casting magic… it was only a silly dream, anyway.”

But looking into her eyes, Lero thought he could divine the focus of Twilight Sparkle’s next set of experiments, when and if the Swap Cure was found.

“So then… what’s the second dream trying to tell us?” asked Lyra. “That we don’t actually have to worry about the Swapped going mad if they learn they’re Swapped?”

“I don’t know. There was no indication that there WASN’T a bewitchment in the FIRST dream.” Twilight reminded them.

Lero’s face tightened. “I’ll tell you one thing, Twilight, the Me-In-Your-First-Dream seriously disgusts me. Here we all are, about to really reconnect with Rainbow Dash-as-Fluttershy, while that loser can barely bring himself to hug Fluttershy-As-Rainbow Dash! And to allow an absolute sweetheart like Rarity to languish in feelings of worthlessness… I just… how COULD he?!”

“Maybe things were just impossible for him…” Twilight reasoned.

Lero swept an arm up in dismissal. “There HAD to have been a way! I dunno, I’m just galled by the idea that there was some arrangement, some reassortment the Swap could’ve made that I wouldn’t have been able to think my way past.”

“You can’t win ‘em all, Fingers,” said Lyra.

Drawing a long breath, her human stallion set a hand on the back of her neck. “I’m sorry, Lyra, I know you mean well when you say that. Maybe you’re even right. But it’s just… I can’t afford to think that way. I can’t afford to tell myself, ‘Oh well, I wasn’t able to do anything for Applejack. Can’t win ‘em all. She wasn’t the most important pony to me anyway.’ They all need to be saved.”

Twilight listened to him with admiration, while Lyra felt a certain level of pity.

“I know I’m being silly about this,” Lero continued, “but after all I’ve been through with Rarity, I feel so bad for Fluttershy, knowing that if SHE’D gotten Dash’s cutie mark, I wouldn’t have been able to love her.”

“Not necessarily.”

Lero turned to face her. “What do you mean?”

Twilight levitated a piece of paper and a pencil over, writing out a factorial equation:

6! = 6 x 5 x 4 x 3 x 2 x 1 = 720

“Ignoring all other variables and assuming Starswirl’s spell was guaranteed to only effect Element Bearers that one time I tried it… there are a grand total of 720 different ways that spell might’ve rearranged the six of us,” the purple unicorn explained.

“Including one where nothing happened.” The other two stared at the human cluelessly. “What? You don’t see it? I look at this equation, and it appears we’re assuming that when Twilight cast the spell, it didn’t so much BYPASS her as ‘reassign’ her right back into her old role.”

“Is that what happened to me?” Twilight lifted an astounded hoof to her forehead. “Is that part of why I’ve been so overwrought for so long? I was secretly a sixth Swapped Pony all along? Swapped back into myself?”

Personally, Lyra thought it was nothing more supernatural than an overabundance of stress.

“Well, if that IS the case, there HAS to be one world where all six Bearers were also reassigned back into their own roles, just like you were,” Lero contented. “And thus, for all practical purposes, absolutely nothing happened.”

“Lucky stiffs,” the purple unicorn groused.

"Or not," Lyra pointed out. "Imagine Applejack losing her perspective and getting as obsessive with her basic chores as, well, you were with your research, Twilight. Probably be just as much trouble as Pinkie was having. Wouldn’t be any better if you’d all kept your identities, but your cutie marks were compelling you to muck up your lives, regardless."

"'Cutie Mark Compulsion Disorder,' Dash called it," Twilight murmured.

None of them were even pretending to pack right now.

“At any rate, I think what Twilight’s trying to say is this; in all these 720 versions, there isn’t just ONE world where Fluttershy’s the Element of Loyalty,” said Lyra, “Maybe things didn’t work out in Version #113, where Fluttershy’s the Weathermare and Twilight’s the Farmer. But maybe in Version #114, where Fluttershy’s the Weathermare and Twilight’s the Fashionista… maybe you were able to show Shy the same love you’ve been able to give Rarity here. Just circumstances than might prevent otherwise in one world or another.”

Lero smiled gratefully. “Now I feel better, at least a little.”

She and Twilight shared a wry look. “You really are a softie, Fingers.”

Twilight’s face turned pensive again. “Another curiosity I noticed. Here in our world, all the Swapped were made to believe they were born into completely different families… you know; Rarity believing she was born in Cloudsdale, and so forth.”

“I know! I was able to exploit that with Pinkie Pie, to bring her equilibrium. If not for the fact that Pinkie sincerely believed the Apples were her family, it wouldn’t have worked when I showed how her Apple Mark really represented the love for her family.”

Twilight nodded heartily. “But in both the good dream AND the nightmare I had, that wasn’t the case.”

“In both versions, it seemed like all your lives were the same as here, up until the moment of the Sonic Rainboom. Then your destinies took a huge detour,” Lero noted.

How would things have gone for our Pinkie — Pinkie the Farmer — if her false memories were more like that of the Swapped in my dreams? Twilight wondered. If Pinkie were still at least aware that she was a daughter of the Pie family, not the Apple family? How might Lero have found equilibrium for her, then?

“So what does it all mean?” the aqua unicorn pressed. “What’s it all add up to? All these strange divergences and discrepancies?”

Lero threw his arms up. “Maybe, in the end, it means we’re three bored individuals who’re overthinking a bunch of dreams Twilight had.”

Twilight stood up. “Even if these 719 other parallel universes really exist...”

Lyra was actually sure that number was greater still, when factoring in all the variables which Twilight had ignored. She bet there was one where she got swapped with Bon Bon. Until she’d joined the herd, they’d been that close.

“...we have no way of reaching them. And even if we did… frankly, I wouldn’t bother going to visit them. Not right now, anyway. My own friends come first.”

She and Lero nodded.

“Still, you’ve got to admit, the Rainbow Dash and Twilight in your good dream sound like awesome ponies to live with,” Lero said. “I wonder if they thought to…”

The sentence went unfinished as Lero’s eyes lit up in merry amusement.

“What?” demanded Twilight, over his sniggering sputters.

“Hey, Twilight?” he said, suppressing his laughter. “Before we head out to Dash’s cottage, like you said we’d need to, there’s something I’d like you to help me with.”

“What is it?” she asked.

“A prank.”

“A prank? Not on Dash!”

“A purely good-natured prank!” he assured her, with an impish twinkle in his eye.

“I dunno, Lero. I’ve heard it said that Fl… uh, ‘our animal-loving friend’ might be sensitive to pranks.”

“I guarantee you, she’ll absolutely love this one!”

Twilight groaned. “Just what are you planning, you mischievous monkey, you?”

But when he explained his idea, Twilight and Lyra both had to agree: it was a good prank.

* * *

When Rainbow Dash opened her front door and saw that it was Twilight Sparkle who’d knocked, she first felt the old gladness of seeing her dear friend again. The next microsecond later, this gladness was beaten down by a tidal wave of dread as Rainbow remembered this dear friend of hers was also part of Herd Bellerophon.

She’d be... she’d be… GOING OUT with this MARE!

And it wasn’t even Thursday yet! She wasn’t anywhere near emotionally ready! In pure panic, Rainbow Dash almost slammed the door in poor Twilight’s face, before she thought better of it, and reopened the door fully.

“H… hi, Twilight,” she said.

“It’s good to see you, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said in her usual pleasant, friendly way, as if nothing was different. “Could I please come in or is this a bad time?”

Yes! This IS a very bad time! Just you being here is making me all jittery!

“No, no, no, it’s not a bad time at all!” the pegasus ended up saying, opening the door.

When Twilight Sparkle stepped inside, Rainbow saw that her friend had, for some reason, brought an empty wooden cart with her and left it on her front yard. This puzzled her, of course, but she was sure Twilight would explain herself.

Shutting the door, Rainbow turned to see that her friend was cuddling with a few of her wirehair cats.

Say something! her mind demanded. We’re not ‘just friends’ anymore. She’s part of a package deal; she comes with Lero. Acknowledge that in some way, right now!

“Twilight? You’re… um… hot,” Rainbow Dash said uneasily from across the room, shrinking backward against the wall as Twilight lifted her head. “You’re, totally a hot, hot hottie of hotness. Especially your… er… uh… pastern. And tail! You have a totally hot tail.”

Quick! Pretend you’re getting the stiffies from her! "Ooh, ooh baby,” she said, lifting her wings up limply.

Twilight Sparkle gave the pegasus a giggle. “Why, Rainbow Dash, are you trying to seduce me?”

That caught her off guard, “No! Yes! ...Maybe?”

The unicorn gave her a kind smile. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash. That’s so sweet of you.”

This was no good, this was no time to be weak! No time to let the jitters get the best of her! Rainbow needed to put herself back in an Iron Will frame of mind!

“So, Twilight!” she started, more bolder. “What brings you out to my home? Is there something I can do for you?”

Lovergirl, you can start, the scary part of Rainbow’s imagination spoke in Twilight’s voice, by opening that sweet little mouth of yours and letting me tickle your tonsils with my tongue. We’re getting at least to second base; right here, right now. And you’d BETTER convince me you’re enjoying every second of it! You’d damn well BETTER! Otherwise, it’s all over. I won’t be your friend anymore, Rarity won’t be your friend anymore, and I’m not letting you come anywhere near Lero ever again!

Instead of saying any of these horrible, horrible things, Twilight Sparkle took a seat on her couch. The look she gave Rainbow Dash was the same look Princess Celestia gave right before detailing an important mission she’d be sent on with her friends.

“Rainbow Dash, there’s something I need to tell you about a certain spell that Celestia mailed to me.”

And the pegasus listened in astoundment to the story Twilight told, about the Princess appointing her friend to correct the very spell which had turned her sister into Nightmare Moon. She gladly Fluttershy Forswore herself to secrecy when Twilight asked her to, all her dread about physical intimacy long since forgotten.

“But now I’m in a real jam,” Twilight told her, uncomfortably. “I really, really need test subjects that I can cast the spell on to see if it’s fixed or not…”

“You need lab animals,” Rainbow Dash said neutrally.

Twilight nodded. “I wouldn’t want to use ponies unless I absolutely had to…”

“Of course you wouldn’t!” agreed Dash. “I mean, wow, if worse came to worst, I bet it’d be a lot easier dealing with a Nightmare Chinchilla than an all-new Nightmare Moon.”

“So then you understand…?” asked Twilight, hopefully.

“Well… I’m not eager to have my animals tested on, but…” Rainbow Dash tilted her cap up at her friend at its coolest angle. “Just tell me whatever you need from me.”

“Oh, thank you, Dash, thank you! You don’t know HOW much you’re helping me out!” And then Twilight went over and opened the front door, stuck her head out and called, “She’s agreed!”

Dash didn’t have long to be confused. In came a chestnut-coated Earth pony stallion; clean-cut, strikingly tall, and good-looking.

The stallion gave her a slightly rascally smile. The pegasus’ tail end thudded on the floor. Normally, the pegasus wasn’t one to fall for a pretty face, but something about this stallion — not just the looks, but his expressions and the way he moved — was doing things for her. The only stallion who’d ever come close to this for her was Big Mac. However, she shut down that line of thought as he approached, and she scrambled back to her hooves, and fought to bring her wings back down by flooding her mind with a deluge of unsexy thoughts.

“Rainbow Dash, I’d like to introduce you to a close, personal friend of mine,” said Twilight, pointing towards the stallion. “Close Personal Friend Of Mine, Rainbow Dash.”

“Always a pleasure to see you, Rainbow Dash.” The stallion spoke in a pleasing baritone.

“Don’t worry,” said Twilight, “He’s in on the secret.”

Very rarely had Dash seen anything like this pony’s mane and tail: fiery reds and burnt oranges, with a strain of gold running through it, curling at the very end. She wondered if he were related to that one Wonderbolt... what was her name? Spitfire?

“Uh… I… hi there… mister,” the pegasus squeaked.

The stallion smiled gently at her. “You don’t need to be shy around me, Dash.”

Such deep hazel eyes…

“Well, come on, Twilight!” he said, trotting past the caretaker. “Let’s pick out the animals we need! What were you thinking of getting for our lab animals, Twilight? Mice? Gerbils?”

“I’m thinking one mouse, a cat, a dog, and two other completely different animals,” Twilight said, catching up to the stallion. “Hopefully, we won’t need more than that.”

“I dunno,” said the stallion, “You’ll probably want a few spares, just in case…”

Shaking out of her daze, Dash dashed to catch up with the stallion. Why was he so… alluring? Did she know this guy from somewhere? Maybe if she got a look at his cutie mark…

But when she saw him from the back, she was confused to find his cutie mark hidden.

“What are you wearing?” she asked him, the absolute bafflement clear in her voice.

“Swimming trunks,” he answered.

“Trunks?” she asked, thinking of luggage.

“They’re what a guy like me puts on before taking a swim.”

“You wear clothes to go swimming?” Dash asked. What pony DID that?

“Mmm-hmm!” said the hazel-eyed stallion, with a flick of his tail. “Had this specially-made for me at the Carousel Boutique.”

“Ohhhh, the Boutique,” said Dash. That makes a little more sense, then! “So you said you were looking for mice? They’re right…”

“Over this way,” the stallion finished, taking a turn towards a set of neatly-arranged and well-kept mouse cages. Some of the mice were running on wheels, some were eating their pellets, some were just squeaking.

“Twilight, let me introduce you,” said the stallion in trunks. “Starting at the top-left, there’s Whiskers, Whiskerton, Whiskerovitch, Contessa von Viskeria, Whisk, Ker, Wormtail and Incisors.” The stallion directed his line of sight at the next cage to the right. “And over there, we have Squeaks, Squeaker, and Scabbers, Mousey, Wousey, Blousey, Esuom, and Bubonic...”

The mice were all packing at the side of the cages, twitching their little noses at this strange stallion reciting their names.

“...Gadget and Fievel, Walt, Tanya, Jerry, Jaq... and Basil’s the one fighting Jaq for that scrap of cheese... Templeton, Rizzo, Gus, Brisby… Mr. Ro and Mrs. Dent, (who kept her maiden name)...”

Rainbow Dash approached this stallion from the side to gape at him, but he seemed to be adamantly not seeing her. Not because he was oblivious to her presence. He was teasing her, she could sense it!

“...Chuck E., Chuck F., Splinter, Matthias, Cluny, Cheddar Chomper, Gorgonzola Gorger, and last but certainly not least, the Illustrious Sir Whitefur the Grey!”

“The brown-coated one, you mean?” asked Twilight, squinting into the cage.

“That’s the one,” said the stallion, and turned to Rainbow Dash. “I must say, Dash, I can barely recognize them all when they’re so well-behaved, not that that’s a complaint.”

“Who are you?” Dash asked.

The stallion rolled his eyes. “Like you don’t know. I visit your house all the time.”

“No, you don’t!” Dash exclaimed.

“Actually, yes he does,” Twilight told her, in complete seriousness.

The pegasus shot a stupefied look towards her unicorn friend, but she didn’t answer, so she redirected it at all her rodent cages. Half of her mice seemed just as confused as she was. The other half, incredibly enough, almost seemed to recognize this stranger! What was she missing?

“So if you were looking for a lab animal,” the stallion told Twilight, both turning back towards the mice. “I’d recommend either Mr. Ro or Sir Whitefur, simply because they’re better behaved.”

“Aren’t they male, though?” Twilight asked.

The stallion snorted. “They’re called ‘Sir’ and ‘Mister’ for a reason.”

“Well, I’m sorry, but male specimens aren’t going to do me any good. I need females exclusively for these experiments.”

“Then maybe Gadget or Wousey or Tanya,” said the stallion, pointing them out again to Twilight. “Give it some thought, see which one you like.” And so Twilight Sparkle peered into each of their cages, like a Canterlot window shopper looking through at the ponyquins.

This whole scene was frustrating Rainbow Dash to no end. She was beginning to think that she SHOULD know this infuriating stallion, something about his voice was familiar… like something on the tip of her tongue…

“Someday, love will find you, break those chains that bind you…”

The song was sung quietly, not precisely in any sort of whisper, yet still quietly, and directed more at the floor than the mares who were by him.

“One night will remind you, how we touched and went our separate ways…”

The pegasus felt her brain jolt. That music! That melody that’d always been whistled but never sung!

“If he ever hurts you, true love won’t desert you!”

How dumb could she be? The clothes, Twilight’s trust of him, even his voice was the same!

“You know I still love you, though we touched and went our separate ways!”

“Lero?!” she exclaimed.

And Lero turned around with a soft smile. “Knew that’d get you to recognize me.”

* * *

Twilight had tried asking Rainbow to let her compensate her for everything she was taking out of her cottage. And to be fair, it was a lot.

First, and most important: five animals. A schnauzer puppy named Ruffles. A ragamuffin kitten named Purrbox. Wousey the mouse. One of the chickens, called Cluckabell. And last, a turquoise-colored parakeet named Tweetums.

In addition to the pets; their cages they were being kept in; things like bedding, toys, a scratching post for the kitten, a leash for the puppy, enough food and treats for each animal to last a month, plus a more-than-generous helping of pet odor remover. “TRUST me on this,” Dash had said.

Had they bought all this stuff from a pet shop, it would have cost quite a bundle. But Dash absolutely refused to accept any money from Twilight or Lero.

“Someday soon, we might be all be part of the same herd,” the pegasus had said, looking happily at Lero and only a little tensely at Twilight. “Hopefully, anyway. So what’s mine is yours!”

Plus, her cottage would be that much quieter with even just five less animals to tend to.

“That’s so sweet of you,” Twilight said, while levitating it all onto the cart she’d brought. When she came over, the hug she gave Dash was filled with such gratitude, the pegasus didn’t even remember to flinch or worry. It was a hug. Just like Twilight had always hugged her before.

“Yeah, you’ve made a great contribution to a very important cause,” said Lero, hitching himself to the front of the wagon with Twilight’s help.

Dash had more questions to ask them, but worried it might be rude, so she just exchanged goodbyes with her new coltfriend and marefriend (or was it too early to call them that yet?) As Twilight and Lero headed off back to their home — Twilight trotting beside Lero, whose stallion physique, temporary as it was, was better suited to pulling the wagon — Dash stifled the questions she was still dying to ask and waved at them from her doorstep, and they each paused to wave back from afar.

She thought the urge would die away once Twilight and Lero left. But immediately after they’d left her sight, the questions only burned worse. It was like swallowing salt while plodding through the desert. So Rainbow Dash wheeled on the animals that were in the cottage with her, and gave them a glare that would send a kraken scurrying to the ocean depths, screaming for its mother.

“BEHAVE,” she warned, and then was out the door, shooting after Twilight’s cart with that speed she used to hate herself for until recently, and landed by a surprised Lero.

“I’m sorry, but there’s still so much I gotta know!” she said, walking alongside them.

“Rainbow, no!” insisted Twilight, glaring at her sharply from Lero’s other side. “There’s nothing more we have to say about the you-en-eff-eye-en-eye-es-aitch-eee-dee es-pea-eee-el-el! Especially not in the open like this!”

“The…?” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “That’s not even what I wanted to ASK about.”

“Oh sure, it may LOOK like we’re alone, but you see that mosquito buzzing around over there? What if it was actually an evil warlock trying to spy…?” And then Twilight’s ears caught up with her need to lecture. “...You’re not?”

“No! I wanted to know more about Lero suddenly being a real stallion. You can’t just drop something like that on me and just expect me to be all hunky-dory with, ‘It was just a prank.’”

Lero shrugged inside his yoke. “Sure thing. What would you like to know?”

Now the questions were crowding in her head like dogs at the door. She couldn’t pick which was most important; she just went with the one that scurried out fastest.

“Why are you wearing that?” she asked, pointing at his trunks.

“Well, when we were planning out that prank on you, Twilight was suggesting I go completely bare naked, so I wouldn’t, uh, ‘telegraph the punchline,’” Lero explained. “I actually agreed with her. But as it turned out, I pulled up short at the idea of any more than going barefoot and barechested in swimming trunks in public. Just couldn’t do it.”

“But you’re a PONY, now! Why’s that BUG you still?” Rainbow Dash said, trying to hard to remember what little she knew about the effects of transformative magic on transformed ponies’ brain. Something about the mind being a plaything of the body, or was that the other way around? She should’ve listened more carefully when Twilight talked about them before, but it wasn’t like SHE could cast such spells anyway.

Lero shrugged. “That just goes to show how deeply ingrained the nudity taboo is with human beings. Or at least with me.”

Behind him, Rainbow watched Twilight give an epic roll of her eyes, and she giggled. Lero giggled with her.

“How does being a pony feel like for you, Lero?” Rainbow next asked. “Especially when compared with being human?”

Lero slowed his pace a bit, giving the question due thought. Twilight listened in carefully.

“Well… I’ve thought it over pretty often, actually. And, viewing the matter as objectively as I can… I have to say that it’s a mixed bag. I genuinely like certain things about being a pony. Other things I’m not crazy about.”

“What kind of things?” Rainbow asked.

The transformed human drew a hesitant breath. “Promise you won’t be too offended or insulted by anything I say?”

“Sure thing,” said Rainbow Dash.

“As a non-pony, it would be fascinating to hear your objective opinion of being a pony,” Twilight added. “So go ahead and speak totally honestly.”

Lero smiled at them both gratefully. “Well, the single most difficult adjustment about being a pony can be summed up in one word: hooves.”

He lifted one of his own.

“For me, hooves are like having your hands permanently clenched into big, bulky fists. You see something on the ground, you reach down to pick it up, and you either smash it to smithereens or squash it into jelly.”

“Duh!” said Rainbow Dash, “That’s what your MOUTH is for!”

The Earth pony snorted. “Trust me on this: mouths cannot compare with fingers. Plus, there’s the whole matter of getting your saliva all over everything, or accidentally swallowing the object you’re trying to pick up...”

Rainbow Dash laughed. “Only foals, no, YEARLINGS make those kind of mistakes! Didn’t Twilight ever teach you the trick to not doing that? You have to take in a deep, cold breath and dry your mouth out.”

Lero didn’t respond to that. “Pony tails are a LITTLE better, being prehensile and all, but it’s a pain having to turn and watch your rear end, and just… GRAB stuff from back there.”

“But hands are such wimpy, delicate things,” Dash argued. “Those ‘feet’ of yours, too. I’m always extra-careful about where I step when I’m with you, because I know I’d crush them into pancakes. And everypony who’s around you is the same way!”

“Dash!” Twilight scolded her friend. “We promised we wouldn’t be insulted by what Lero says.”

“I’m not insulted,” Dash countered. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna defend my species.”

The look Lero gave her was very approving. She felt like… no, that was silly, she could never bear to enter the Best Young Fliers competition, even if she wasn’t such a crasher in the air. But she felt like she was getting applauded by a whole stadium anyway, and it felt good, not scary, somehow.

“Also… the whole quadruped thing, the long, low way my body stands is also weird. Like I’m constantly squatting or something. I used to constantly bump into things and knock them over with my butt, especially when I was just trying to learn how to spin around.”

The mares both laughed so hard at that, Lero was almost too embarrassed to continue talking any further.

“Omigosh!” Rainbow gasped. “I… I… can’t… can’t even BREATHE!!!” and she doubled up in longer laughter. “Presenting: Lero! The Bull In The China Shop! Bwahahahahaha!”

“Try ‘Drunken Bull In A China Shop With Four Left Legs! You should’ve been there, Dash!” Twilight also guffawed. “So many bookshelves: TIMMMMMBBEEEEERR!”

“Wanted Dead Or Alive for wanton destruction of propety: Lero’s butt! HA HA HA HA HA!!!”

And Lero made the wise decision NOT to detail how difficult it had been, relearning how to use a toilet as a pony. “I still say Derpy’s is worse, and you manage to survive that,” he defended himself instead.

“That’s not exactly a tough thunderhead to buck. But… go on!” Rainbow told him, waving a hoof in a go-forward motion through her snorts. “What else?”

"Remind me to point and laugh when Twilight finds a way to invert the spell and it’s your turn to flop around on the floor,” Lero grumbled. “Anyway, uh, I also wish that pony legs were as limber as arms were,” he said, as though there were nothing else for it but to keep on going. “You know, arms have better REACH.”

“Does it really matter that much?” asked Dash.

“When a bug lands on your flank, and you wish you could just squash the damn thing, yes, reach matters.”

“Y’know what? Fair point,” said Dash. “I’ll concede that.”

He nodded. “What else, what else…I’ll say some of the good things, now. Vision is… Well, a mixed bag, so good transition point. First, I can’t see things in the distance anywhere as well as I normally do, and my depth perception isn’t quite as good… but my field of vision is wider, and I can see things close up much better, especially movement. Also, I don’t mind having all this fur. Since so many ponies are nudists, it’s probably best you have it. It’s no secret that I’m not comfortable with my own nudity, in general, but since your society’s clothing-optional I can work around it. Having ears you can flick around...”

And Lero flattened his ears, rotated them backwards, wiggling them in all directions pony ears could go.

“...is actually pretty nifty. It’s COOL being able to aim my ears in any direction. I can hear better and they let me feel more easily how I’m expressing myself. Having a neck that’s as long as this is also fun, once you get used to it. I enjoy the flexibility.”

“Aw, come on,” said Rainbow, “You’re not even mentioning the COOLEST part about being a pony.”

Lero titled his head. “Which is…?”

“Wings,” declared Dash, spreading out her own.

“And horns,” added Twilight. Not to be outdone, she lit hers up brightly.

“Being an Earth Pony’s just NOT gonna give you the complete picture.” Dash looked past Lero, at Twilight. “C’mon, Twilight, turn him into a pegasus for a little while. I’ll teach him how to use his wings myself. See if he still wants to even BE a human after a fly in the sky!”

Lero’s face brightened at the prospect. But the unicorn shook her head. “I’d love to, but I can’t.”

“Whaddaya mean you can’t?”

“I can’t,” Twilight repeated. “I’ve never been able to turn Lero into a unicorn or a pegasus. The Pony Transformation spell always, always, ALWAYS transforms him into an Earth Pony.”

“Why?” asked Rainbow Dash. It didn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t there be a specific Change-To-Pegasus or Change-To-Unicorn spell on the books? Why couldn’t a unicorn like Twilight Sparkle, strongest, smartest unicorn in Equestria by a long ways, (as far as Dash was concerned,) just whip up a spell that would work right?

“I suppose the spell thinks a guy like me ‘translates’ better into an Earth pony,” Lero reasoned. “Must be my down-to-earth personality.”

Rainbow Dash snorted.

“But I will tell you two things I enjoy best about being a pony,” Lero told them. “First; the strength. I have more raw physical strength as a pony than I ever did as a man. I mean, my human self wouldn’t ever be able to pull this cart, or not for long, anyhow. And my kicks have MUCH more kick!”

And he stopped to kick in the air, like he was pretending to be part of the Apple family.

“The other thing I like? The speed.”

Rainbow Dash went still. “Speed?”

The transformed human gave a long look at how attentive Rainbow Dash had suddenly become… and grinned. “Twilight, do me a favor? Would you mind taking the cart over for me the rest of the way home?”

“What? Why?” she asked, even as Lero unhitched himself, and shrugged off the yoke.

“Because I’m challenging my good pegasus friend to a race!” he said. “First one to reach my house wins. On the ground, no wings. You game?”

Race. For some unknowable reason, the very word made her legs itch in the most thrilling way.

The pegasus could feel something stir inside her from deep, deep, within. A race? He wanted a race? Races had always seemed so stupid to her before. But right here? Right now? The idea felt strangely… invigorating.

“Yeah,” she grinned confidently. “I’m game.”

“There’s no way you’re gonna beat me,” he told her, a cocky grin on his face. “No way, no how. Never gonna happen!”

“You think so?!” Dash sassed back, feeling that spark of something… of competition, she was eager for competition? What the hay was Lero doing to her? But she was caught up in it, riding the rush like that tornado. Yeah. That was the feeling, like when she’d come in and helped finish the tornado!

“Well, let’s just see if your legs are half as fast as your mouth is, buddy! Readysetgo!”

And away she sped.

“Oh no you don’t!” he said, galloping after her.

Author's Note

Special thanks to SpinelStride with this one. He's the one who wrote both of Twilight Sparkle's dreams!

I'd like to say a quick word to Zontargs. Ahem... Zontargs, in one of the comments, you'd asked when Princess Luna would finally be appearing, and I told you 'Chapter 25.'

Unfortunately, I ended up coming up with so much material for this chapter, that I had to split it in three. So it's going to end up probably being Chapter 27, instead. Sorry!

And Merry Christmas, everyone!

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