Berry Punch and her daughter, Ruby Pinch, had both been born on the same calendar day. When they’d brought that giant cake of hers out, Berry had sung Happy Birthday right next to Ruby. She had blown out the six candles together with her daughter, eaten two slices, and enjoyed every second of it, (Well, except the part with the griffon.)

That said, the extravagant cake hadn’t really been both their cake. Not a one-dessert-for-both-mother-and-daughter kind of cake. That specific cake had really been Ruby’s alone. Berry Punch had her own birthday cake. Unfortunately, Ruby wouldn’t be able to share it, because Berry’s party was strictly adults-only.

Herd Caramel had sent out double invitations to all their guests; one for Ruby’s party in the early afternoon, and the other for Berry’s party from sunset-onward, with special instructions to RSVP which of the parties they’d be willing to attend. Each invitation assured parents that a special supervised camp had been set up for their foals to sleep through the night, (should they choose to make use of it,) freeing them to continue on through the night.

Some members of the hired help who had assisted with Ruby’s party were dragging their hooves at this point. A second shift of helpers arrived on time to relieve them. Under more normal circumstances, everypony on the first shift would’ve been altogether glad to switch out and return home. Instead, only a quarter of the first shift helpers left, and most with considerable reluctance. The rest were happy to stay on after their shift. Why?

Fluttershy. Lero watched her in action, (heck, they were ALL watching her in action, Exempted and Bewitched alike,) and it was like watching a certain young Kent boy moments after he had discovered his ability to fly. Coupled with all the happy, friendly, enthusiastic joy-for-life of Ebenezer Scrooge upon that glorious Christmas morning.

Calling it a ‘second wind’ would be misleading: her energy was just far too boundless. Before, Fluttershy had only been able to bungle her way into provoking reluctant, mostly-uncomfortable laughter from ponies around her. Now, like a butterfly in a flower field, she was flitting easy from pony to pony and group to group. To anyone watching her from a bird’s eye view, it might almost seem like she bouncing between them all with no rhyme or reason: a pinball on wings.

However, what it really was... well, she seemed to’ve picked up an uncanny, nearly telepathic sense of when it was exactly the right time to approach ponies. And then insert herself into their conversations, (or drum up conversations, in the case of individuals.) Young or old, male or female, introverted or extroverted.

She’d easily get guests to talk about whatever fascinated them, or share things that fascinated her, and leave them eager to learn more. She’d introduce ponies to one another: ponies who would’ve otherwise remained perfect strangers for the rest of their lives, were finding themselves opening up to one another like lifelong pals. She’d suggest the best cookies and snacks to taste for indecisive eaters.

For the remainder of Ruby’s party, she must’ve come up with at least five different pirate-themed games, on the spot, that the colts and fillies really got into. All naturally, even subtly, without ever stealing the spotlight away from either of the birthday girls.

In short, for a party that was already the best which money could buy, Fluttershy was breathing fresh new life into the whole celebration and everyone participating in it. Brightening everything she touched. Joyous, inexhaustible, and thirsty for more. So different than the stilted, awkward mare from before; the yellow pegasus might as well have been born anew.

Eventually, though, Celestia lowered her sun down once, again, and all the youngsters were assembled by the front door with at least one herdparent, (including Spike.) There, Cap’n Mizzenmast informed them she’d be escorting all her ‘fine young shipmates’ to the dorm that had been set up for them, (or rather, the “Crew’s Quarters.”) A few other foals were brought home, if they lived nearby or their folks chose to leave the party, or to the inn, for out-of-towners if they chose not to utilize the dorm for the foal. Of the parents that chose to leave Herd Caramel’s house, pretty much all of them were regretful.

New guests started trickling in; those without foals, or simply weren’t comfortable bringing them, attendees of Berry Punch’s party specifically. Frequent customers, business connections and drinking buddies who wouldn’t have had any place at a kid’s party.

There were definitely far fewer guests attending the mother’s party than the daughter’s. That suited Berry Punch just fine. And it wasn’t as though the hired help would need to switch the decor over to a space station or a haunted mansion or anything. Berry was perfectly content to maintain her daughter’s pirate theme. But where Ruby Pinch had been the adventuring swashbuckler, Berry Punch would be playing the role best suited to her: The tavern wench.

Out went the games and activities, and in came the booze. Swill fit for the saltiest shipload of scofflaws on shore leave. Grog, rum, rye, mead, brandy, and whiskey, in kegs and bottles, in stiens, and mixed into so much of the food.

“Designated Cart Pullers” -- those family members who’d assumed responsibility of carting their drunken loved ones home, in case they chose not to bunk at the house in provided cots -- hadn’t been forgotten. A special table had been set aside for them, full of virgin cocktails, tap water, and unspiked food. All tasty, and yet there were hints of mockery in the birthday girl’s eyes whenever she glanced at that table: a boozehound’s scorn for teetotalers. Still, they had their uses- more ponies partying thanks to them.

For everypony else, there was a practical menagerie of booze. Such as a giant fishbowl full of ocean-blue liqueur. Gummy fish floated within this liqueur, along with a cute rubber octopus whose tentacles dangled out of the fishbowl’s sides. Plum rum cakes too. Key lime pie spiced with mulled wine. Ice-cold sangria in hollowed-out coconut shells and pineapple husks, not to mention Berry Punch’s birthday cake!

Berry had picked out a ‘Rum Runner Cake’ for herself. Three times smaller than the goliath that’d been baked for her daughter… but what the delicious buttercream rum cake had lacked in size, it made up for in liquor: it contained black rum, coconut rum, blackberry brandy, and banana liqueur.

The last time Lero Michealides had let himself drink freely, it’d been a very different scenario; drowning his sorrows after terrifying poor Rainbow Dash into locking him out her bedroom, and by extension, her life. He proceeded to make a royal ass out of himself and terrify a family of innocent bakers until the point a certain Draconequus took pity on him. Tonight was a very different night, though.

“You sure you don’t wanna taste of this, Dashie?” he asked the rainbow-maned pegasus seated beside him.

With a soft shake of her head at the cup he held out, she said, “No thanks. I’m good with what I have.” And she sipped up some more virgin strawberry daquiri through a straw.

Lero peered at the liquid he was drinking. “So pirates used to drink this here rumbo stuff?” Tiny waves and ripples formed when he span the cup about.

“‘Bumbo,’ And yes, they did. I consulted several reference guides on the era of piracy which this party draws inspiration from,” said Twilight, as though Lero would award her extra credit for it. “There’s a modern variation, but I had them use the historically accurate recipe: rum, sugar, water, and nutmeg.”

“You’d think such a rough-and-tumble bunch as pirates would’ve come up with a less sillier-sounding name,” observed Rarity, who’d been sporting a lopsided smile ever since she’d eaten that third vodka-soaked tart thing.

“Yeah. ‘Bumbo’ is just… dumbo. Jumbo dumbo. What a clown calls himself, not a drink.” And Lero swigged down the rest of his bumbo. ”I am drinking liquified clown.”

Giggling, Rainbow Dash leaned against the tipsy human. “You’re terrible, Lero. Absolutely terrible.”

“The worst there ever was,” he agreed. The rainbow-maned pegasus leaned into him more, and the two shared a smooch.

“Y’know, Gilda should try some of this hooch!” he decided, looking past all the other mares with him at his table. Be cool to see what Miss Griffon thinks! Where is Gilda, anyway?”

Twilight, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Lyria all exchanged looks.

Lero wasn’t quite sloshed enough to miss this. “...What?”

“She’s… She’s in jail, Lero.” Rarity replied. “We convinced her to turn herself in.”

“Jail?” asked Lero, wondering if he heard right over some of the other boisterously loud drunks also talking at their own tables. “What? Why? How?”

“Well… This is how it happened…” Twilight started.

* * *

“So, think we can still sneak back into the party?” Gilda asked. “I can't believe how much booze they were loading up in the back on my way in! I sure as heck want to be there when they tap those.”

The ponies looked uncomfortably at each other. “You’d… be kinda conspicuous.”

“Er, yes.” Rarity concerned.

“Actually…” Rainbow Dash chewed her lips. “You… you should probably, um, well, turn yourself in. Cause you're kinda, well, wanted by the cops.”

“WHAT?!” Gilda squawked, her wings spreading angrily. “You guys claim to be my friends, and now you want me to turn myself into the pigs!? “

“Well!” Fluttershy responded. “It’s because we want to keep being friends!”

Gilda blinked in confusion. “...What.”

“Gilda, you’re wanted by the cops!” Rarity replied. “If you turn yourself in right now, we could get you clemency by saying it was all a misunderstanding, especially with Lyra backing us up.”

“And after the party’s over, It’d be easy to convince Berry not to press charges, especially since you just made the part super-dramatic and didn’t cause any real damage!” Fluttershy chirped in.

“Yeah, but I’d still spend a night in the Pokey, what could possibly make it worth it?” She snapped.

“Because… If you don’t, you’ll be a wanted criminal here in Ponyville, and the police will be after you every time you visit.”

“And that’d make it really really really hard to be friends!” Fluttershy added.

“Yeah. Getting arrested for drinking in a saloon…” Rarity started.

“...or pranking people…” added Fluttershy.

“...or sparring…” included Rainbow Dash.

“...really puts a crimp in a good time.” concluded Twilight.

Gilda paused, staring at the ponies, and sighed deeply, grumbling some very unkind things under her breath, finishing with something that sounded like ‘stupid ponies making sense’, before she let out a loud sigh. “Fine. Fine. I’ll turn myself in. I’ve spent a day in the joint for worse reasons.”

“Great!” Flutteshy proinked over, and before she could react, wrapped her in a big hug. She started to protest, but before she could, she found herself hugged by Rainbow Dash as well, then Rarity.

“...The things I do for you ponies.”

* * *

“So, after that, we took her to the police station.” Twilight finished.

The mood was somber, all the ponies looking downcast. So was Lero. Forgiving Gilda for everything she’d done at this house was amazingly easy for him, once he’d learned what a crucial factor she’d been towards helping Fluttershy achieve her equilibrium. They had a lot to thank the griffon for… and a trip to the slammer felt like a lousy way to repay all that! All the same, though, crimes were crimes.

“We gotta help her get out in the morning right away, otherwise we’re a bunch of jerks.” he noted.

“Yeah, we’ll make sure.” Twilight nodded.

All of a sudden, Lero felt a little bit silly; getting this mopey over Gilda of all people, especially over problems she brought on herself. Sure, they owed her one, helping with Fluttershy’s Equilibrium, but they were at a party. Not a time for being a gloomy gus right now. Worry about the griffon tomorrow.

“Hope you girls don’t mind, but I think I’m gonna grab myself a few extra snacks,” he said, with a warm smile. “Maybe mingle with the other guests a bit too.”

“Nah, have fun, Big Guy!” Rainbow Dash and the others shifted their chairs and gave him space to find his feet as he left their table.

Lero got himself some cannonball cookies from the designated cart-pullers’ table. Food slowed down the body’s absorption of alcohol, after all, so he ate them without sitting down. The same pirate musicians from Ruby’s party were still playing at Berry’s, over by front wall. They weren’t singing sea shanties anymore, it was just a mellow, tropical-sounding instrumental piece fit for a Hawaiian-themed restaurant back on Earth.

Of course, the other guests were drinking. They even had a burly earth pony standing off to the side whom Lero recognized as a local bouncer. But there was also lots of lively, happy chat taking place at their tables, too. The liveliest was Fluttershy’s; twice as many ponies were packed around her table as there were seating arrangements.

Lero wasn’t nearly close enough to eavesdrop on their conversation, but there were two sad-looking older biddies, whose faces grew less and less sorrowful the longer Fluttershy talked to them. Finally, the biddies hugged each other, and the whole table burst into that same breed of laughter that had been erupting on and off since early afternoon. Laughter that didn’t even need a punchline. The natural laughter that came when careworn hearts found themselves surrounded by kindly friends, old and new. The kind of laughter that asked: What was I so worried about? So fearful of? Did I really think I was so alone?

Lero could tell how pleased Fluttershy was by this reaction. These eyes met, and she gave him a tiny wave and a wink. Lero waved back, but decided he’d come by later and talk with her when she was a little less crowded.

Then his eyes turned to all the card players. There were more than a few tables and which card games were taking place. A blackjack game, a poker game… and one lone unicorn mare at her own table, shuffling a deck of her own. Like she was about to start a solitaire match with herself. Deciding that this mare could probably use some friendly company, Lero came up to her.

“Can I join?” he asked, sitting across from her. “Maybe we could play a two-player game?”

It was only then that Lero properly noticed the crystal ball cutie mark she sported.

“Ahhhh, greetings, fate seeker.” Her voice was a cat’s purr of a Slavic accent. “You stand before Madame Amethyst, to whom the cards reveal all.”

Then Madame Amethyst did a neatly theatrical telekinetic trick. All the cards she’d been shuffling fanned out behind her in the formation of a peacock’s tail-feathers. No spades, no clubs, no diamonds or hearts… but Lero did see coins and wands and cups and swords, plus a few unusual ones that weren’t of any suit… Lero suddenly recognized what he was looking at: this was a pony Tarot deck.

The human stopped short in surprise before remembering that this lady was one of the actresses they’d hired. She’d been cast as the fortune teller; Lero had passed her tent several times while giving piggyback rides to foals.

“I… I’m sorry, I thought this was, y’know, a card game…”

Pouting in disappointment, the fortune teller dropped her accent. “Aw, come on, please?” Her real voice was much more ‘American midwestern’ instead of Slavic, and higher-pitched. “I’ve done ponies, I’ve done griffins, but this might be the only chance I ever get to tell a human’s fortune! I’ve been hoping all day long you’d step into my tent, so… pretty please?”

How strange. Even if the ‘mystic gypsy’ routine was just a performance, this actress lady seemed to take her card readings seriously! After a moment's thought… well, why not? It was all in good fun!

“Was my coming foretold?” he asked her wryly.

“Your coming was inevitable, fate seeker,” she assured him, all Slavic silkiness again. “Be seated, please.”

Lero sat before ‘Madame Amethyst.’ The way she shuffled her cards was so fast, so unfollowable, he knew he’d’ve been just as spellbound if he’d been born a unicorn himself.

“Pick three cards,” she instructed, laying them face-down on their table.

Lero did so. Madame Amethyst pushed these three cards closer towards Lero, while the remaining ones were reshuffled back into Madame Amethyst’s deck. Lero really wasn’t that familiar with the Tarot, though he knew that one of its cards was Death.

“Reveal the first card, fate seeker. The card that reveals your past.”

Gamely, Lero flips the first card over. It was titled ‘The Lovers’ and showed a mare and stallion intertwined with one another lovingly. But the card was also completely upside-down. He reached forward to flip it the right way around, but Madame Amethyst stopped him with a hoof upon his hand.

“No. Leave it.”

“But it’s…”

“Upside-down, yes, I know. But that is no accident, fate seeker.” The fortune teller insisted, lifting her hoof and straightening in her seat. “In the proper upright position, The Lovers represents unity, harmony, affection, good relationships, and yes… romantic love. Inverted, as you see it is now, it signifies the exact opposite. Separation instead of unity. Disharmony, friction, divisiveness... also duplicity, serious internal conflict, possibly even infidelity.”

The fortune-teller’s amethyst-colored eyes pierced right through Lero.

“Did you, perhaps, experience a bad breakup in your past? Strife within your family?”

“...Both,” said Lero, stunned, immediately hating himself for blurting this out.

She nodded, then pointed to the middle card. “Turn over the next card, fate seeker. The card which illuminates your present.”

The next one was not upside-down.

“Ahhh… The Magician, is it?” She sounded impressed as she studied the unicorn shown on the card… Lero frowned at he noted a familiar silver beard and belled hat...

“I don’t know why I got this. I’m not magical.”

Madame Amethyst rolled her eyes. “If I had five bits for every time an earth pony, griffon and donkey that said that to me when they drew The Magician…” She let out a breath, recollecting her mystical mystique.

“In the same way that The Lovers represents more than love alone, The Magician stands for much more than mere conjuration. It also represents great effort and determination in the pursuit of a goal. Working with energy and energizing others. Taking risks, seizing hold of your own potential… and creating a most magical miracle as an outcome.”

By now, Lero was almost ready to suspect that this might be Discord in disguise, like he'd done with Spike. Except he was pretty certain Discord would have broken character by now, or else gone completely over-the-top.

“It would seem you’ve been… busy lately. Striving to fix the problems of all the most precious people in your life, I wouldn’t doubt.” Here, she tapped the upside-down Lovers card.

“Pretty much,” he said, remembering all the strength and endurance he’d needed to dredge up from within himself… how amazingly different all their lives looked now, compared to when the Swap had begun.

“Ponies who draw the upright Magician in the present are always real go-getters. Chariots are like that too. I tend to like them. Now, turn over the third card, O Strange Wayfarer From Realms Unknowable! Let us lift the veil of secrets surrounding your future!”

He was too nervous to laugh at her hamminess. He felt halfway certain that he was going to draw the Death card; it’d be just like that one stupid B-movie he once saw! Instead, the title of the upright-facing card he drew was…

“Oooh! Judgement, huh?” a perky, bubbly voice asked from right by his ear. His skeleton felt ready to jump out of his skin. He turned around in his chair and came face-to-face with Fluttershy. How long had she been standing there, listening in?”

“Does that mean somepony’s gonna be passing judgement on you, Lero?” Fluttershy asked. “Or that you’re gonna have to be making a big judgement soon? Ooooh, maybe you’ll get falsely accused of murder, and Philomena will be the only one who believes you and she’ll be your lawyer! The Phoenix who’s Right!” She let out a giggle like she’d told an incredible joke.

Her face was pure kindness, and almost childish innocence, but Lero felt himself on edge. Like some chief of police on a cop show, cornered by a very nosey and dangerous reporter.

“Atten...shun all you wallyscags!” Berry Punch hollered out, managing to slur her words despite yelling at the top of her lungs. “Aghast, me smarties!”

Quickly enough, everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to face the lady of the hour. Berry had donned a huge, gaudy pirate captain’s hat, that went poorly with her tavern wench getup. Even after everyone else had quieted down, she delayed a few more seconds to roughly rub a hoof against her temple. When she spoke again, it was with less mangled words.

“I’d like to thank all you for being at my birthday. Great seeing so many old familiar faces here and… I’ve drunk way too much to really remember how the rest goes, but I’m supposed to thank Herd Deep Pockets over there, for digging deep into their moneybags for lil' ol' me.”

She pointed straight at Lero, frowning to see that he was with Fluttershy and the fortune teller, eventually finding his four mares at their own table and waving at them. “All this you did for me and Ruby too was… nice. Super nice. Supernice, that’s what you are! I’ll knock the lights outta any pony who says otherwise! That’s a promise!”

“Big round of applause for Herd B!” Fluttershy cheered.

The party room filled with the stomping of back hooves and the clapping of forehooves. All the members of Herd Bellerophon smiled politely around at the other guests.

“Now that’s done with...” Berry continued, as the applause was dying down. “I’d like to challenge you all to the big main event I’ve been really excited about: the Drinking Contest of Ultimate Destiny!”

Then Berry pointed at a pirate actress who’d been quietly standing off to the side. This was a young pegasus; Lero remembered her name being Take Three.

“She says the rest now,” Berry mumbled, then tottered over to her chair. Her butt very nearly missed it, and she had to scoot to center herself on the seat.

Take Three had either drunk very little alcohol this night or none at all, for she faced the audience with clean sobriety in her eyes; intently in character. She spoke to them with the contemptuous sneer a pirate would use on a bunch of captured navy sailors while leading them to the brig.

“That’s right! To all you sorry sons of stingrays and all you dim-witted daughters of dogfish in this room who believe yourselves to be better drinkers than our unsinkable Cap’n Berry Punch...! Fillies and colts, the birthday girl challenges you prove yourselves in the Drinking Contest of Ultimate Destiny!”

They all looked over to the birthday girl, who was nodding fiercely as she dipped her head down towards another slice of cake.

“Who among you has the brazen audacity to stand up and participate in this tumultuous tournament of tosspots?” Take Three asked. “If your spine’s not made of jellyfish jelly, stand up and stake your claim!”

A banana-yellow out-of-towner rose at once. “It’s on, Berry!”

“Right behind ya!” said a pea-green pegasus next to her.

“I’ll drink you under the table, Berry!” vowed Mrs. Cake, with a big aggressive smile that left Mr. Cake and everypony else who knew her flabbergasted.

He spotted Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash, both motioning him over towards their table.

Hey, Lero? an inner voice of his asked himself. After all the challenges you’ve already faced, you’re not gonna take the wallflower’s way out on this challenge, are you? Chickening out would be a bad habit to get back into, wouldn’t it? Come on! It’s just a drinking contest!

Lero stood up with his hand raised. “Yeah, count me in!”

“Lero?!” he heard Twilight exclaim from her table.

“Aw, c’mon, Twi, let Fingers have some fun!” Lyra giggled deeply right while she kissed Twilight on her lips.

“Me too!” said Pinkie Pie, rolling her shoulder muscles as she stood. “Ah’m beat’n ya’ll at yer own game, Berry!”

After a few more guests volunteered, all the contestants were instructed to sit together at a long table up by the front of the room. Two treasure chests were floated out from behind a door; one footstool-sized, the other enormous. The smaller chest was opened first.

“Behold! The Barkeep’s Bonanza!” Take Three stood back so the audience could see how chock-full of folded up paper slips it was. “The Barkeep’s Bonzana contains a treasure trove of cocktail recipes, assembled from every ocean where the skull and crossbones fly!” she explained to everyone, before turning to face the contestants. “Now here be the rules, mateys! First: Before each round, we’re gonna shake the Barkeep’s Bonanza up, and Cap’n Berry’s gonna reach in and select a piratey cocktail at random to serve you all.”

From behind all his many bottles, the mixologist they’d hired gave a quick little wave at everyone around him.

“I’ll be acting as referee,” Take Three continued. “You’ll all have fifteen seconds to drink each cocktail fully. Meaning there ain’t nothing left in the cups. Anything spat out, barfed up, or spilled out, and you’re disqualified.”

Pinkie Pie sat next to Lero, smirking like a big sister smirked at a little brother who’d bitten off more than he could chew.

“All competitors must be seated and awake in their chairs throughout the contest. Fall asleep and you’re disqualified. Fall out of your chair, and you’re disqualified. Leave your chair, and that’s a forfeiture. That includes having to take a leak! You hold it while on my watch!”

Lero was aware he was already drunk. But it was still at the level of a pleasant buzz. Some of his competitors were already nodding off, as though for one of Twilight’s more boring lectures.

“We’ll keep this up until only one pony’s still standing. That pony will be known as Cap’n Berry’s Worthy Rival, who then gets to participate in a final drinking duel against Cap’n Berry, herself! Winner gets to walk home with the pricelessly invaluable booty contained within the Chest of Mysteries.”

On cue, several of the other actors surrounded the larger chest, and went, “Oooooohhhh!” passing each other intrigued and highly curious looks.

“Everypony got that?” Almost all the contestants nodded at Take Three. “Then, Cap’n Berry, will you start us off?”

The handles on the ‘Barkeep’s Bonanza’ were suitable for a pony mouth to clamp down on. Watching Berry Punch shake it about put Lero in mind of a dog shaking a knotted rope about. Then Berry set the chest down, nosed it open, and picked out one of the papers.

“First up is ‘Anchors Aweigh!’ Triple sec, bourbon, peach brandy, cherry brandy, and a touch of half-and-half!”

A unicorn floated the recipe from Berry over to the mixologist. Soon enough, Lero Michealides and everyone else competing to be Berry’s worthy rival had thick, peach-colored drinks served to them. Take Three didn’t bring out a stopwatch or anything; she just counted down verbally from fifteen.

Lero downed the sweet smoothie of a cocktail in one motion, first across the proverbial finish line. A cheer went up from the mares of Herd Bellerophon, and quite a few other ponies, besides. Every one of the others also slugged down their Anchors Aweigh within the time limit.

“Well done, my prince!” Rarity’s voice rang out.

“Wish I could’ve tasted some of that! But there’ll be plenty good drinks left once my worthy…” Then Berry’s eyes briefly glazed over before she shook herself back awake. “...once my worthy rival is revealed! Won’t compete against anyone but a champion drinker, not on my special birthday, no sir.”

While Berry moved to shake up the Barkeep’s Bonanza chest again, Lero felt his cheeks begin to glow; all that brandy and bourbon was taking its effect.

“Next cocktail is ‘Mare Overboard!’”

Thunk! The banana-yellow mare had fallen off her chair. She came back awaken at once, and scrambled back up to her hooves, but Berry laughed and called out, “Lucky we’re not really at sea! Then it really would’ve been ‘Mare Overboard!’ Ha ha! Sorry, Butter Stick, you’re gonna have to go!”

Once Butter Stick had staggered back to the table she’d been sitting at, Berry read off her paper slip again: “Mare Overboard,” which's got pomegranate juice, herbal liqueur, sugar, cognac, and more triple sec!”

Lero swigged down his second cocktail with the same confidence he’d felt with the first drink, (which had tasted better, in his opinion.) But then he went to set his cup down, and almost dropped it on the floor, managing to catch it just in time. Laughter rang out from just about everyone, but he managed to give a sloppy smile.

“Now we have ‘Mutiny!’” Berry announced, once she had the third recipe slip drawn. “Vermouth, dark rum, and bitters. Took me a dog's age to like bitters.”

The third cocktail tasted flat-out terrible to Lero. He managed to drink it all properly, but only barely, swallowing down the alcohol much more slower than before. As the room began to spin, Lero began to experience the sensation of both his brain and eyelids growing heavier.

“Miss Three?” he heard Berry saying. “Would you please go over to that potted plant that's right by that light orange stallion, there, and sniff at the dirt? Tell me what it smells like?”

Lero’s half-glazed eyes flicked over to Take Three. Or at least they tried to. The pony… and everything else, seemed to suddenly be splitting into two of themselves. Also, why was he sweating so much?

“Why, Cap’n Berry, it smells like… a fine cocktail we just served up has been spat into the dirt!”

“Ha! Thought you were being clever, huh?” Lero guessed Berry was talking to the light orange pony, but it was hard focusing on anything for an extended length of time. “Well, you just walked straight into my trap, cheater!”

“Hey, Leery?” he heard Pinkie whisper softly by his side, while the light orange pony made a fruitless attempt at protest. “D’ya think ya had enough? D’ya need me ta walk ya over ta where Twilight and yer other mares are? Ain’t no shame in knowin' yer limits.”

“I’ll be fine!” he said with all the nonchalance he could muster, bracing himself on the table with one hand and pinching his arm very hard with the other.

Berry laughed merrily at the next cocktail recipe she drew. “Guys, I’ll admit this next one ain’t 'piratey' at all; it’s just an all-time personal favorite of mine! It’s called “The Liver Transplant...”

* * *

Everything was fuzzy. This concerned Lero, as it would be upsetting if everything had turned to yarn when he wasn’t looking. He wished the room would stop spinning so he could focus long enough to check. A blur of blue and rainbows moving nearby drew his attention, but then slipped from view. Damn spinning.

“Nnnnmmmm… izzat… izzat Dainbow Rash…?”

Wow! After all those cocktails Fluttershy had watched him chug, Lero had gotten back to semi-coherent speech already! He was even sitting back up in the pull cart they’d placed him inside! And though he seemed to really need to struggle to keep his eyes open and pointed in the same direction, it was a fight he was clearly determined to win. Humans really were just incredible!

“Which ons’s you’s... Rambo… Rocko… rainbow?”

When Lero’s line-of-sight swiveled blearily in Fluttershy’s direction, she helped correct him by chanting, “Colder, colder, icy, arctic…” Gradually, very gradually, Lero understood, and turned his head towards the right pegasus. “Warmer, warmer, warmer… HOT!”

“‘Mmmm drunk, r’n’t I?” he asked Rainbow, slurrily. “Drunk ‘s a skunk zat stunk uppa bunkadunk.”

“...And then plunked some funky junk into a clunky trunk with a punk and a monk,” agreed Fluttershy.

“Kinda guessed cuz’m seeyun six a’you, Rainy-girl,” he said, pointing his finger at five invisible Rainbow Dashs and one visible Rainbow. “Dint wintha constest, huhh?”

“Nnnnno,” said Rainbow, finally speaking at last, though looking really uncomfortable about the whole situation. “I’m sorry, but… you lost.”

“Berry won her own contest!” said Fluttershy; Lero wouldn’t have known because he’d been conked out for so long on the couch. “She was so thrilled about it! too!”

But she saw her human friend wasn’t interested. As the crickets chirped in the grass around them, and Berry’s party raged on behind them, in the house, Lero licked his lips and fixed his gaze steadily on Rainbow Dash.

“Will… will you’n Rarity still be stayin’t my place? E’en ferjust... one more night? Please?” His eyes were so full of poignant pleading. She also noticed, for no apparent reason, Twilight tensing up at his question.

“Of-of course!” Rainbow Dash told him. “Rarity’s always been with you, and me… your home’s is now my home too!” Hunh. Twilight relaxed at that reply.

Lero shut his eyes. His smile couldn’t have been more grateful. “Mmm so happy, so happy yer staying… thank ya…”

Settling himself back on the small bed of hay they’d lain down for him, Lero fell back asleep. He didn’t even look like a proper drunk. More like a colt who’d nodded off in the middle of a lovely bedtime story. Dreaming happy dreams.

“What a guy,” Fluttershy said, suddenly wishing she had fingers of her own to pinch those cute rosy cheeks of Lero’s!

“He’s amazing. So strong in some ways, and so tender and vulnerable in others.” The way Rainbow’s voice quivered, that wasn’t sadness, was it?! Oh no, it was! Full-out sobbing!

Twilight’s eyes widened. “You okay, Dash?”

“Yeah. Wanna know something?” she asked between her tears. “I’ve heard him talking in his sleep... and it was only a couple days ago I was able to get him to open up what kind of nightmares he’s been having. Fluttershy, he dreams about being all alone! About us… all of us in his family, just up and leaving him! Walking past him, out the door, like he’s furniture! Can you even imagine?”

Fluttershy could only suppose that Lero still felt insecure about being a human in a pony’s world.

Twilight winced. “Ouch. That’d never happen, though! But… nightmares don’t care, do they?”

Rainbow shook her head. “And he’s so loving, and he puts everypony else ahead of himself, trying to make their lives better first, and still he thinks we’d...!” Rainbow nuzzled his face. “I’m gonna give him some special attention tomorrow.”

“You know he’s gonna have quite the hangover,” Fluttershy replied.

Twilight nodded. “Yup… fatigue, thirst, headache, nausea, light and sound sensitivity, and dizziness.”

“Huh? Oh! I… I suppose he is!” She pulled away from him, drying her eyes on her arm. “Sorry, it’s just been a very emotional day, hasn’t it?” Recovering herself, Rainbow then said, “Well, then I’ll have to nurse him back to health. Treat him to a whole lot of tender loving care.”

“Ever treated a hangover before?” Fluttershy asked carefully, remembering how crabby ponies could get in that state. Herself included.

“No… not really,” Rainbow admitted. “I almost never even drink, myself. But I’ve always been pretty good about treating all sorts of different animal illnesses, so Lero will be in good hooves! And one of the good things about living in Twilight’s library is she’ll have a book that’ll tell me what to do!”

“Yup! I’ll help find a few books before we go to bed. Okay, Dash?”

Dash nodded happily. “Alright!”

“Hey, speaking of your animals… where are they?” asked Fluttershy.

“Oh, as soon as Ruby’s party ended, I brought them all back to my cottage.”

“Really?” asked Fluttershy, looking forward at the spot where the petting zoo had been: only some mulch remained. “I don’t even remember! You’d’ve had to be really fast!”

By now, Rainbow Dash had hitched herself fully to the pull cart, next to Twilight, who had already been strapped in. The grin she gave... Fluttershy was still not used to Dashie showing that much confidence.

“Oh, but I’ve always been a fast girl, Fluttershy. Always.” Then she turned to her right. “Time to go, Rarity!”

Rarity, who had lying on a bench this whole time; had fallen asleep while waiting, thanks to her own drunken slumber.

“Huh? Whazzat? Oh, home time, yes…” Clambering off the bench unsteadily, she staggered over and hefted herself up onto the cart, and lounged across Lero’s lap like a cat, dozing off in a few moments.

Fluttershy had no doubt that if Rarity had been the designated cart-puller for Lero’s herd, they would be using her cloud platform. But once they reached a certain age, all pegasi were strongly warned by their teachers about the dangers of intoxicated flying. Given where she grew up and how deeply anchored she was in the pegasus lifestyle, Rarity wouldn’t’ve been any stranger to those lessons either. Certainly, if Lero or any other herdmate of hers had fallen off her cloud platform while she was drunk, Rarity would’ve been inconsolable.

The yellow pegasus watched Herd Bellerophon canter away, before the music and lights and activity drew her back inside to the party. Applejack might swear by her spa sessions, but good parties had always rejuvenated Fluttershy in a way that nothing else ever could.

“Miss Fluttershy?” a voice asked at her right, when she stepped in the door.

She stopped and looked over at a fairly buff pegasus stallion with tomato-red mane, and a coat that was such a light shade of yellow as to nearly be white.

“Brick Oven, right?” she asked.

His smile was delighted; what a wonderful thing it was to have a great memory for names! “I must’ve made quite an impression on you!”

She smiled back because it was a happy party, and every guest ought to feel special. “You’re one of Berry’s friends, right?” she asked, since Berry had been the one to mention his name to her.

“Actually, I’m Caramel’s. Dorm buddies from college, me and him,” said the stallion. “Went on to become a manager of a pizzeria down in Roan Oaks. But this shindig’s jammed-packed full of Berry’s friends, so I don’t blame you for thinking I was one. But I don’t dislike Berry, so I guess you’re right! I am a friend of hers after all!”

He gave a loud laugh that wasn’t natural. He knew it, Fluttershy knew it, and he knew she knew it.

“Look, Miss Fluttershy… I, uh, um, I’m new here, and we’re strangers, but … Well, ever since I walked through that door, you’ve been amazing. So fun and funny and pretty and smart and… um… but, I’m new here, and we’re strangers,” Brick Oven awkwardly said again, as a song ended behind them. “But, but you make me wish neither of those things were true. I wish I’d come to Ponyville much earlier! And I wish I knew you better! Um… guess what I’m trying to say is… would you mind us going out to a movie together tomorrow?”

The stallion stood by as she considered his awkwardly-delivered offer.

Fluttershy was… surprised. Shocked, really. Oh, certainly, she wasn’t a stranger to stallions; being eager to spread happiness meant you took every option open to you. And there was an advantage to having a body that got heats; you knew when you weren’t getting pregnant, in case you weren’t interested in starting a family yet. But mares were the aggressors. She couldn’t ever remember a stallion asking her out, unprompted. This was a bit too much to pass up!

“Sure, Brick, we can go out! How does the day after tomorrow sound?”

Brick Oven then made such a cute face of happiness! The musicians in the back started up another song, and she asked, “Would you like to dance?” He ended up dancing poorly but happily. She danced poorly but happily right along with him through several songs.

She began to wonder why after a while. Then it dawned on her: ever since that talk with Twilight and Gilda and Rainbow Dash… she’d been feeling like a new mare. Like something worthless and unhelpful had inside her had broken away, letting wonderful things flood into her. And because of Rainbow Dash, too. A shy and timid girl like Rainbow, managing to hook a guy like Lero? Have him begging her never to leave? Fluttershy could go for some of that in her life! It was time this pegasus tried her own luck with stallions!

“To heck with how it’s ‘always’ done!” Fluttershy told herself, after Brick had to leave the party. “It’s time to try something new, before it’s too late to! Brick might work out, or he might not. But pizza and parties sure go well together, don’t they?”

“Kinda makes me wish you’d had pizza at this party.”

Oh! She’d spoken aloud again, hadn’t he? She turned and saw it was Honeybee who’d just spoken out to her.

“You’re still sober, huh, Fluttershy?” Honeybee asked. “Are you a designated cart-puller?”

“Well, if somepony asks me to be, I won’t say no!” answered Fluttershy.

Honeybee laughed wryly. “Careful, Berry might take that personally! Not drinking at a party this big? Be like you’d refused to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ with the rest of us when they brought out her cake!”

Berry’s herd-sister was sitting on a couch by herself, with a half-drunken cocktail and some kind of photo album in front of her.

“It’s not like this is my very-ever first adult party! I’ve been to every sort of celebration! I’ll probably go drink something in an hour or two, but I wanted to be able to help the party as much as I can before I get too tipsy.”

She just had to spread her wings out, and flew around Honeybee’s couch.

“Well, this whole party is all about getting ‘plastered,’ and ‘sloshed,’ and ‘buzzed.’ But me… I feel like I’ve already reached my buzz! The busiest, buzziest buzz of them all! I’m actually worried that drinking might dampen the happiness I’m feeling! I mean, alcohol is a depressant, right?”

“Yeah, it is,” said Honeybee, idly observing a thoroughly schnockered Caramel and Berry help each other to their bedroom. “You’re a lucky girl, Fluttershy.”

“Oh, I knooooww!” Fluttershy sang, peeking down at the scrapbook. “Hey, whatcha doing there, anyway, Honeybee?”

Fluttershy almost thought something dark flicker across Honeybee’s face. “Something happened earlier that put me in a nostalgic mood. Now here I am, flipping through old scrapbooks.”

“Can I see too?” When Honeybee nodded, Fluttershy sat next to her on the couch.

“These ones were from when me and Caramel were first dating,” said Honeybee, showing her a page full of Caramel and Honeybee at an amusement park; together on a ferris wheel, trying to dunk a clown at a dunk tank…

“Those are honey caramels he’s giving me, right in that one.”

“They look delicious!” said Fluttershy; the tray of freshly baked candy squares was setting her mouth watering, in spite of all the candy she’d already eaten! “Who took all these pictures, anyway?”

“My sister, Honeysuckle, mostly.”

Honeybee’s sister had tagged along on their dates? “Er… what’s Caramel running from, over here?”

“A few of my bees. He’s always been scared of insects.”

“Looks like he’s screaming at the top of his… oh, I get it!” exclaimed Fluttershy, conking her head with a hoof. “Honey CARAMELS! Because you’re a beekeeper and his name’s Caramel, ooh, that’s clever!”

With a smiling roll of her eyes, Honeybee turned to the next page.

“These ones… I’d told Caramel that I wouldn’t take things to the next step unless he showed he was really serious about committing to me. Next day, I’m busy with my beekeeping, when he waltzes straight up to me -- in the middle of my apiaries, no protective clothing or anything -- and he asks: “How’s this for showing I’m serious about you?”

“And he’s scared of insects?” asked Fluttershy, noting how shaky Caramel’s knees looked in the picture.

“Terrified of insects,” The picture on the next page, Honeybee doting over to a teary-eye Carmel’s stung hoof. “Told him not to gallop away so fast. He stepped on one when he wasn’t looking.” She giggled, turning the page

“...And these were from when the two of us started dating Berry!”

Fluttershy pointed towards one of the pictures, which had been taken at a nightclub. “That cocktail kinda looks like the same one you’re drinking right now, Honeybee!”

“It is the same. It’s called a ‘Gold Rush.’ You make it with bourbon, lemon juice, and honey. Berry taught me how.”

Flipping the page again, Honeybee knocked off her Gold Rush. It smelled like she’d used a fairly powerful brand of bourbon.

“Oh, and look, Fluttershy! Here’s you! You were at this party too!”

Fluttershy meant for it just to be a quick glance. But her eyes jerked to a halt, as her train of thought suddenly jumped the tracks, obliterating a peaceful village of notions.

What.

Whhhh… What? What? Her cutie mark…

But… Pinkie? No apples… and her cutie mark?

It felt like she would never be able to look away. Dry-throated, suddenly, and she wondered if she might grab a drink for herself after all.

Emergency crews arrived at the scene of the derailed train of thought, rescuing surviving notions and clearing debris, slowly letting thought train services resume.

It was just… just… that wasn’t… How could this even BE?!

“This was… around two years ago or so, when this picture was taken, if I remember right.” Honeybee smiled at Fluttershy. “My, how time does fly!”

* * *

In proud American tradition, Lero Michealides had experienced his first hangover on the morning after his twenty-first birthday. He’d always remember the first cognizant moments of it most strongly. Before even properly opening his eyes, there had been POUNDING, unbelievable POUNDING from his parents’ feet just walking across the hallway floor.

He realized, now, how much easier his twenty-one-year-old self had had it. His parents may not have exactly been tiptoeing around his room, but the floor had been carpeted and they’d both had regular human feet. Not hooves.

When hungover, the noise of a human footfall had felt like his head getting smacked with a sock full of sand. Hooves were a whole different ballpark of pain. And all the floors of his home were a quaint rustic hardwood, straight from the tree this library had been hollowed out from. And his four lovely mares translated to sixteen pounding hooves… clip-clopping back and forth between the bedroom, the bathroom, the stairs, the kitchen! It felt like daggers lovingly being inserted into his skull. Plus the clack-clacking of his little dragon brother’s foot-claws; like iron nails dragged lightly into his scalp!

Lero rather felt like Julius Caesar, if all those treacherous Roman senators had chosen to assassinate their emperor with daggers for his skull, instead of to his chest and back.

“Please, Twilight! You’ve GOT to have some kind of hangover pain-ending spell!” he begged, through a mouth that felt like it was made entirely of cotton. Which had been used to soak up a puppy’s piddle.

“I do…” Twilight admitted, from where she stood in the bedroom doorway. “I also have spells which will prevent you from feeling sleepiness. Or hunger. Or indeed, the sensation of fullness. Ponies have asked me to perform all sorts of spells on them. Spells which no normal unicorn could cast.”

“So just cast the hangover cure on me!” Lero thrust his forehead out towards Twilight as far as he could while still remaining in bed. “Cast it!”

“...Try to understand where I’ve coming from with this, Lero. Alcoholics have asked me to cure their hangovers before. And when I do, many of them go straight back to drinking again, right then and there. Denying their bodies the chance to heal themselves. Worsening the damage, because they don’t feel any pain. So, no healing magic unless you’re actually genuinely hurt.”

“You know me, Twilight! I’m no alcoholic! Last night was just special!” The volume of Lero’s own voice felt like it splitting his head open. “Gaaahhh, In fact, I’ll swear, I’ll never touch anything you need a license to drink! Ever again!”

He felt personally offended at how Twilight Sparkle shook her head sadly.

“Our neighbors will be well aware how much you had to drink at last night’s party, though. And Berry Punch is not the only pony in Ponyville with a drinking habit. If they see you up and about so soon, after you got yourself completely inebriated, soon enough, they’ll expect me to fix their own hangovers too… and it’ll be like spring vacation at the School for Gifted Unicorns all over again!”

Besides. The thought came to her. I promised to let a certain blue pegasus play nursemaid for you.

“No pony will see me!” Lero swore. “I’ll hide in the basement for a week! Please, have pity on me!”

But Twilight turned her back on him. “I have to leave. You did promise Berry Punch we’d clean everything up after her party was over. I’ll explain how you’re feeling too unwell to come today; I know she’ll understand.”

Lero moaned miserably, barely managing to restrain an urge to vomit.

“I really am sorry, Lero. Please get well soon.”

And Twilight left Lero to his throbbing temples and the white and blue splotches pulsing in his vision. At some point, Rarity stopped by. It seemed the Hangover Fairy had decided to skip her, in spite of all the drinks Lero remembered her having last night.

After several moments' pause, she finally spoke. “Rest well, my Prince, and feel better soon. We’ll be back before you know.” Finally, Rarity just kissed his aching forehead, then his lips, and left. A short while later, his over-sensitive ears picked up the sound of a cloud platform forming downstairs, followed by several ponies and one little dragon boarding it.

“Um… hey, Lero.”

Rainbow Dash’s hooves didn’t crash down quite as thunderously upon the unforgiving floor as the others’ had. Lero saw she was wearing little pink hoof slippers. She was speaking to Lero while clutching a tray between her teeth, like the kind used by waitresses.

“I’ve read through this one medical book, and it says there’s never been a hangover that’s lasted over twenty-four hours.” she said, after setting it down by his bedside. The tray held a glass of water, a glass of orange juice, two bananas, and two slices of freshly toasted toast. There was also a cold compress as well.

“So you’re gonna have this one not-so-great day, but after that, you’ll be okay.” He felt reassured by her smile. “We’re gonna get through this, big guy. You and me.”

For a girl who admitted to not having treated a hangover before, Rainbow Dash turned out to be quite good at it. Maybe it had something to do with her having to constantly play veterinarian to so many different species… but she had no problem following the medical book’s instructions. Soon enough, he was able to fall asleep. When he did, Dash lay down next to him, and he cuddled up unconsciously.

Lero’s hangover didn’t need twenty-four hours to pass. Just a mere nineteen, then his head felt as good as new.

* * *

The previous day, Twilight Sparkle had led Lyra, Spike, and Rarity back to Herd Caramel’s house to clean it, as Lero had promised they would. Berry Punch had been very understanding when Twilight had apologized for Lero and Rainbow’s absence, explaining that Lero was recuperating from a hangover, and Rainbow was taking care of him. At least, Caramel had reported Berry would be understanding. Once she recovered from what she’d called “The Unholy Demon Queen of All Skull Smashers.”

Even with all of Twilight, Lyra, and Rarity’s magic, as well as the clean-up crews they’d hired, it took a while to get it all back to how it had looked in a single day. But they had managed. Fun as it had been, it was wonderful to have that party finally behind them.

The next day, Twilight and Lero were snuggled against each other in one of the reading rooms. Rarity and Rainbow Dash had gone to plead to Berry Punch not to press charges on Gilda. He slowly grazed on a bowl of popcorn while reading, while Twilight had been quiet for several minute in thoughtful contemplation, having put down her book moments before. It was brought to an end when she spoke up. “I think I’ve come up with a hypothesis about The Swap. Specifically how equilibrium works, and why ponies are so hopeless before it happens.”

“Oh?” said Lero, with an easy smile. “Yeah, sure. I love hearing your thoughts on our dear old friend.”

That pet name made Twilight roll her eyes, but Twilight snuggled against him a bit more. “Remember how lazy the Swap is? Particularly in terms of revising the personal histories of the ponies it swaps?”

“Lazy and shallow,” Lero reminded her. “Don’t forget shallow.”

Twilight smirked, nosing his chest, as his arm slid around her. "Believe me, I haven’t!" She leaned over, sneaking a bite of the popcorn Lero held in his hand. "I’m pretty confident that when Swapped Ponies are freshly swapped, their original memories are immediately repressed, only available as subconscious inklings, at best. As for their new lives, the Swap only starts them off with enough memories to be immediately functional in their new roles. Additional memories are only provided when something or someone else makes them remember more details.”

Lero hmmed. "Interesting. But Twilight, it sounds to me that you believe the Swap only functions in terms of short-term immediate-present needs.”

Lero's skeptical tone caused Twilight's eyebrows to raise. "You don’t?"

Lero shook his head. "No, I think the Swap’s at least capable of some degree of planning and foresight. Like… do you remember Rarity talking about her pegasus parents? Wouldn’t you say her story felt rather… prepared?"

Twilight hmmed at well, rubbing her chin with a hoof. "Yeah, you’re right… But on the same note, it was something that'd have to be known to explain her basic functioning in Dash's place. So yeah, it can have foresight, but only bothers in areas where it has to."

Lero nodded "Why wouldn’t it? I mean, the Cutie Mark was one of the most pivotal moments of their life; that's not something it could fake or withhold, right? I spent an entire day interviewing the Swapped Five for stories on how they got their cutie marks, and they didn't seem to hesitate at all."

Twilight held up a hoof. "Right, right, but let’s get back on track. In spite of their new memories, Swapped Ponies still retain much of their own personality, right?"

Lero paused thoughtfully, and nodded. "Mostly, yes."

Twilight nodded back, smiling the way she did when she thought she was onto something. "You see, I think that’s why they come off almost as parodies of the ones they’ve exchanged lives with! Especially early on: they're acting the way the original ponies subconsciously thought their counterparts acted!"

Lero opened his mouth to reply, but then paused, furrowing his brow in thought, before replying slowly, "Let me make sure I’m getting this straight, Twilight... You’re saying that Pinkie The Farmer went and turned herself into that... workaholic, because that’s who the Real Pinkie subconsciously thought the Real Applejack was, at heart? Just some farm chore maniac?”

"Pretty much. Remember her own experiences with farming? 'No talking, no smiling, only rocks'?" Twilight pointed out.

"And the Original Applejack thought that the Original Rarity was just somepony who spent all her time sewing weird clothes?" Lero continued.

"To put it bluntly." Twilight nodded.

"And the Original Rarity felt that the Original Rainbow Dash was just some…” the next part was very hard for him to say, “…super-xenophile?"

Which was why she adored me and everyone in Herd Bellerophon with such an exaggerated, cartoonish degree of passion? Even for a committed, loving family girl? he couldn't quite bring himself to say. It was such a cold, cutting feeling for Lero.

"Well, not only that, but... remember how focused she is on weathermaking? That's not Dash at all. Sure, that's her job, but it's always been a sideline to her dream of joining the Wonderbolts. But Rarity's always been a career-focused girl. And, as a unicorn, becoming a Wonderbolt just isn’t an option. Therefore, it'd make sense for her to interpret Dash as ‘a weathermaker’."

"In short... you’re saying the Swap forced those five into becoming the very caricatures they devised in their own heads for their best friends, beforehand. Wow… that’s just unbelievably cruel."

"Well, more like, 'inevitable result of it's own minimal-effort behavior..." Twilight started.

"Laziness." Lero interjected.

"...Laziness." Twilight corrected. "And the girls’ own subconscious prejudices. But, yeah, if it was intentional, It’s like something Discord would’ve cooked up, before his reformation."

"And to think, the five of them never really knew each other on any meaningful level. Their friendship was all shallow, superficial, narrow-minded presumptions." Lero said, matter-of-factly.

Twilight winced at his harsh cynicism. "That's hardly fair, Lero. After all..."

Lero frowned at her pause. "...What?"

"...Lero, you like dogs, right?"

That caught him off-guard. "Uh, yeah! Dogs are great. Very lovable, wonderful pets. ...Why do you ask?"

"Well..." she drew out. "Dogs have all sorts of funny little habits, don’t they? Burying bones. Barking at the moon. Needing walks…"

"Mmm-hmm. " Lero replied, idly wondering where she was going with this.

"But can you personally relate to all that, Lero? Have you, yourself, ever felt the same need to mark your territory as a dog does? Hmmmm?" She looked hard at him.

"Wha... NO!" he denied.

Twilight wore that smug smile she got whenever she was making a point. "Can you explain why dogs, themselves, have that need?"

Lero was lost. He was a historian, masseur, and handyman before he was a veterinarian or biologist. "Uh... Well… dogs, they, er..."

But Twilight waved him off. "Biologists have filled books answering that question, of course. But here’s the short answer: that’s how dogs operate. Because they’re dogs. It’s always been that way. Yet we honestly love dogs. And they love us back."

Lero nodded slowly. "...Right."

Twilight relaxed against him, snuggling her head up under his chin. "Even between two beings as as intelligent as you and me… people can be awfully quirky, can’t they? Imagine asking Fluttershy a year ago why Pinkie Pie does all the unusual things she does. Heck, imagine trying to answer that question yourself."

Lero made the attempt. "Um… well, she’s just… Pinkie’s being Pinkie, you know? She’s just high-spirited and… very random. Thinks outside the box. Really imaginative."

Twilight shrugged, her shoulder rubbing against his chest as she did. "Perhaps you’re right and they never really did ‘understand’ each other. Each one of them had certain habits and ways of thinking that baffled the other four. Stuff they couldn’t personally relate to. Stuff they’d never incorporate into their own lives. But their friendship was still real, Lero. You don't have to perfectly understand someone to care about them... and how many people do you get to really, truly know in the course of your life?"

"Not many." Lero admitted after a moment's thought.

"In fact, let me bring up one of the traits I find most admirable about you, Lero. Even when you didn’t fully grasp what their problem was, you never let that lack of ‘understanding’ stop you from going over and being a true friend to them all, in their time of need." She sighed, slumping against him. "Unlike me. And they were always the same way with each other. So please, Lero, don’t EVER use words like ‘shallow’ or ‘superficial’ to describe their friendship.”

Realizing how harsh his words must have been, Lero slumped his shoulders. "Twilight, I’m very sorry. Please forgive me."

She smiled. "Always." She shifted up, embracing him, which she returned, sharing a quick kiss.

"Oh!" Twilight said suddenly. "In fact, we’ve gotten quite off-track, haven’t we? I almost forgot about the second part of my theory!"

Lero eyed the pony who was still in lecture mode, despite still in a close embrace. He let out a small chuckle. "Second part?"

She nodded energetically "Yes! I believe that the more revised memories are generated within a Swapped Pony’s brain, the more she’ll start to understand -- and thus, emulate -- the pony she’s been swapped with. Equilibrium represents the moment that they truly 'get' the other pony on a fundamental level, and make the link between themselves and their own element- and the element and pony which they're swapped with. And this allows them to better function in the role of their counterpart."

It clicked in his head. "The moment kind Old Fluttershy finally saw all the Kindness that’d always been in Pinkie Pie…"

She nodded. "...Or, the moment Pinkie, herself, was able to see the Laughter and good cheer in hardworking Applejack’s heart… and so forth with all the rest of them..."

A knocking at the door stopped them.

“Hey, Twilight!” called the voice of Lyra from outside. “Just me and Spike out here, and no one else!”

“Hi, Lyra! Hi, Spike!” Twilight called back. “Just me and Lero in here, and no one else!”

Just us Exempted here, Lero translated to himself, And no one else. Especially not any Swapped Ponies.

Twilight let Lyra and Spike in. The little dragon immediately saluted his big human brother like a proud junior cadet.

“Mission accomplished, Captain!”

“It went off without a hitch.” Lyra agreed.

“Details, please! Details!” asked Twilight. The Still Way grandmaster and the little dragon each took a seat beside her and Lero.

“It was about 11 o’clock when we found her,” Lyra began. “I think she must’ve had the day off at Sugar Cube Corner, because we found her playing jump rope with some fillies out by the park.”

“We ended up joining their jump rope game for a couple minutes too!” Spike stood up and hopped in place, reliving the moment.

“Then we invited Fluttershy to eat lunch with us at Hollandaise’s,” said Lyra, while Spike sat down rather red-faced, for having gotten so excited about the story. “ She agreed on condition that she be the one who paid the bill for us…”

“...For a welcome change of pace…” Lero couldn’t help muttering under his breath. Twilight heard him, though, and she gave him a soft but pointedly disapproving elbow to his ribs.

“We all ordered sandwiches!” Spike proclaimed,

“And we sat and talked for a while about this-and-that; how well she’d been getting along with everypony, whose birthdays were coming up… but at some point, I managed to turn the conversation around to sewing. And I turned to Spike...”

At this point in the story, Lyra was just as enthused as Spike; both of them faced towards each other to better recreate the moment.

“...and I said, ‘Hey, remember that time Fluttershy told us all about how her grandma taught her how to sew, back when she lived on the rock farm?’”

“And I was like, “Yeah, totally,” Spike added. “That was a GREAT story.”

“How did Fluttershy react to that?” Twilight asked.

“Well, at first, she was quite confused,” said Lyra. “Didn’t know what we were talking about.”

“But we kept at it!” said Spike. “We were all, ‘Oh, no, no, no! Yes, we’re sure this was you. You’re such a kidder, Fluttershy; that story of yours was unforgettable.’”

“And Fluttershy’s head did that little tilt-thing.” Lyra imitated the head tilt, looking like a confused green dog. Twilight let out a pleased laugh. “It was actually really cute to see!”

“And when Fluttershy came outta her cloud, she was way more, uh… what’s the word… ‘open-minded?’ Not-incredulous?” asked Spike.

Dupable. Lero thought to himself.

“Anyway, she asked us, ‘‘What was the story I told you again?’”

“And we told Fluttershy about how her Granny Pie taught her how to use a sewing machine when she was just a little filly. And how she went on and took time to develop sewing skills on her own for years in her free time. And how she’s actually skilled enough at dressmaking in general to rival Applejack, but she just chose to pursue baking and partying as her livelihood, instead.”

“Then what happened?” asked Lero.

“Well, she was pretty quiet through all the rest of the meal,” said Spike. “Ate her food slowly. Didn’t really tilt her head again, but she still looked kinda in-her-own-zone. She was still like that after she paid for the meal and we split up.”

“I’ve sometimes seen that same sort of look in the eyes of other musicians,” said Lyra charitably. “Especially when they’re composing elaborate symphonies in their heads.”

“Excellent! The seed’s been planted. I say we give it a day to germinate.” Twilight suggested

Lero checked his wristwatch, then leaned back against his couch, grinning like the ingenious mastermind he felt like. “Exactly as planned. I’ll bet you all anything that I know precisely what Fluttershy’s doing right now. She’s up in her bedroom, sitting in a comfy chair. Quietly ‘reminiscing’ on her dear sweet Granny Pie. A lovely show of mental cinema, produced and directed by none other than that most fabulous of fabulists: The Swap.”

He even went so far as to steeple his fingers directly underneath his smirk. Everything really was going according to plan.

“The Swap’s got its work cut out for it! Forced to dig through Fluttershy’s psychological strata, and unearth a skill of hers it’d meant to keep buried forever! All while weaving a heart-stirring masterpiece of grandmotherly bonding for Fluttershy. Embellishing the details of that story of ours, tailoring them to fit all the unique quirks of the grandma, herself.”

Lero let himself imagine The Swap as a fat and slovenly deadbeat of a pony, seething in spoiled-brat fury and cursing the name of Lero Michealides as it found itself buried in desperate, detailed work. God, he wished he had a cat in his lap to stroke right now. Instead, he satisfied himself by stroking Twilight.

“Perhaps later in the day, Fluttershy might go to Mrs. Cake or some other mare, and ask to borrow her sewing machine and some fabric. And she’ll bring it to her room, and set it up, and to her incredible amazement, discover that yes: she IS good at dressmaking!”

“Wow, Fingers, sometimes you can get really…”

A knock on their door shut them all up immediately. Odds were very, very good that wasn’t another Exempted who was there.

Twilight was the one who answered the door. “Oh! Hi, Fluttershy! Fancy seeing you here!”

“Hi, Twilight!” As the yellow pegasus stepped inside, her wing reached into a set of saddlebags she was wearing, seeming to be looking for something, only to then stop and laugh at herself. “Ha ha! I was about to turn in my homework to you, but then I just realized… I don’t need to take comedy classes from you guys anymore, do I?”

“Nope!” said Lero. “Graduated with honors!”

“Diploma’s in the mail!” quipped Spike.

“Although, you should never forget that learning is its own reward, so don’t let any ‘graduation’ prevent you from continuing to seek knowledge!” said Twilight, pointedly ignoring the head shakes and the eye rolls from her other family members.

“So, Fluttershy, what brings you here? Are you looking for a book? Or did you want to just hang out?”

“Uhm… Just a moment?” She replied, glancing behind her. They watched the yellow pegasus make sure the door is shut. Then lock it. Then shut every set of curtains this room had. Then flew past them, through what sounded to be every room throughout the house, shutting each door noisily.

“Actually... I’m hoping you could help with something,” Fluttershy said, once she was seemed sure that no library patrons would walk in on them. “And I feel bad about it, because you guys just FINISHED helping me out with something, but I don’t know who else to turn to about this!”

This prompted many questions from everyone around Fluttershy, but the yellow pegasus held up her hoof to silence them before rummage through her saddlebags again.

“I’ve been visiting all my best friends’ homes, taking photographs with my camera, here!”

She suddenly pulled the camera out, snapping a bright flash at Lyra that left the grandmaster blinking, before returning to to her saddlebag.

“Photographs of photographs, mostly. Pretty ‘meta,’ huh?”

“Fluttershy, what…?”

“Here we are!”

She finally brought out what looked to be a recently-developed stack of photographs. Pulling from the top of the stack, she gave each of them exactly one photo.

“Let’s start with you, Twilight!” Fluttershy said. “Would you please look at the photograph I gave you, and describe to me what you see?”

Twilight fixed Fluttershy, herself, with a good appraising look first. The pegasus’ smile said ‘Don’t worry, this is just a game,’ but her eyes spoke a different story. Then she turned her attention to the photo. Just as Fluttershy had said, this photograph was of another photograph: a framed one. The rustic-looking wall it hung from could only have come from one household.

“This is a picture of Apple…” Just in time, Twilight stopped herself; what a close one! “...trees! And standing right by the apple trees, I can see Pinkie Pie with a big smile! She looks like she’s ten or eleven, here.”

“I see,” said Fluttershy. “Lero? What about you? Describe your picture for me, please.”

Lero held his up. “The Apples at one of their Apple family reunions.”

“Could you name the ponies you recognize?” Fluttershy asked the human.

“Big Mac, Granny Smith, Apple Bloom, Pinkie Pie, Braeburn, Candy Apple, Golden Delicious, Apple Fritter… and I’m afraid I don’t know the rest.”

“Mmm-hmmm,” said Fluttershy, with a look of great interest. “And you, Lyra?”

“Pinkie Pie, participating at a rodeo. At least I think it’s a rodeo. She seems to be wrestling another mare in a great mud puddle. Lots of other ponies are cheering her.”

“Spike?” asked Fluttershy.

“Mine’s just a family shot of Pinkie Pie, Granny Smith, Big Macintosh, and Apple Bloom,” the little dragon told her. “Kinda generic for what it is, really.”

“I see. Well, now I’m sure of it.” And Fluttershy’s smile fell into a gaze of open dismay. “Twilight, I think something might be wrong with my eyes! Or my brain! Probably both!”

“Why? What’s the matter?” asked Twilight, as she and her family listened in growing worry.

“In all those photos, I swear I’m seeing Applejack where Pinkie Pie should be!” Fluttershy insisted. “Well, except for the one Spike’s holding… everyone’s where they should be in that one.”

Spike held his photo out for the others to see. It honestly did show the Swapped Pinkie Pie with the rest of the Apples; he hadn’t even needed to lie. That photograph must have been taken recently.

“Er… Applejack, Fluttershy?” inquired Lero, brow furrowed in the manner of a perplexed psychiatrist. However, several panicked glances passed between the four of them.

Miserably, she nodded her head. “Mmm-hmm! It’s APPLEJACK with all the Apples at the Apple Family Reunion, and Sweetie Belle’s not even with her! APPLEJACK’S getting her pretty, pretty coat and mane all muddy and dirty in a rodeo… and that’s not all!”

All of Fluttershy’s other photographs had been set on a nearby table. She gave them a light nudge, knocking them out of their stack. From there, she set her hooves to work spreading the snapshots out into neat little rows, so each one could be seen.

“This set, here, is from Applejack’s place! But I see Rarity in all these old fashion magazine pages, Rarity being credited as the fashionista in charge of Applejack’s boutique! Rarity in this picture next to Sweetie Belle, with Spike making lovey-dovey eyes at her…”

A very gawkish, ungainly look crossed Spike’s face then. “Fluttershy, maybe you’re…”

“And here,” Fluttershy indicated a new row of photos. “I’ve taken shots of my stuff from my own bedroom! My party cannon, my party journal, but as you can see... they’re all marked ‘property of Pinkie Pie!’ Even in my diary, about nine-tenths of the pages are signed, ‘Love, Pinkie Pie!’ And even weirder, here, are the pictures in Sugar Cube Corner showing Pinkie as Employee of the Month over and over starting from January of this year… and she’s got my cutie mark! My balloons!”

Lyra forced a shaky, unconvincing laugh out of herself. “G...glad I can’t see any of that! Ha ha!”

“But that’s nothing, nothing compared to what I found in Rainbow Dash’s cottage!”

Twilight Sparkle choked on a mysterious new obstruction lodged in her throat. “...Dash’s…?”

“This was on her mantlepiece. It shows ME. I’M with her animals. I’m wearing HER cutie mark. And this one…!”

But a magical spell fired from Twilight’s horn prevented Fluttershy from saying anything more. The blast struck the pegasus square in the forehead. Down fluttered the picture she’d just been holding in her mouth: a picture of the six Element Bearers in a group shot. All with their original cutie marks.

“Twilight?!” exclaimed Lero, backing away. “You…!”

It looked like a murder scene. The poor yellow pegasus lay sprawled across the table. Photographs lay under her motionless body, and were also scattered on the floor. Though Twilight Sparkle was drawing in many deep, heavy breaths, her lungs felt like balloons being squeezed by thick, meaty hands. About to pop altogether. The rest of her felt like she’d been sucked into a cyclone, spinning and spinning faster and faster, no control.

“She’s not dead. She’s NOT dead,” Twilight insisted. “Just my strongest sleep spell, that’s all.”

As if in confirmation, the yellow Pegasus let out a loud snore.

The herd let out a relieved sigh, before Twilight spoke back up. “Come on! I need your help, you three!”

* * *

“Please no… light… if I send… not again…”

Fluttershy’s head felt like it had the morning after Berry Punch’s party, only she was recovering much more faster.

“You HAVE to, Spike!” Twilight Sparkle was begging. “I’m really, really sorry, but you MUST! For Fluttershy’s sake! Please!”

Fluttershy’s bleary vision focused quickly on the sight of Spike clutching a paper of some kind tightly in his hand. He looked very scared, and was being very careful not to bring it anywhere near his mouth.

“I swear I won’t let him do ANYTHING to you,” Twilight told Spike as she stood over him.

“You can’t… you know what he’s capable of!” Spike defined her. “What he DID the last time I sent Celestia a letter, demanding he come and help! And he went EASY on me!”

Fluttershy looked around, recognizing this place as a room on the basement level of Golden Oaks Library. A science lab, filled with indescribable machinery, blinking lights, electric sparks and bubbling chemicals. She’d been here before, hadn’t she? She... Suddenly her senses blocked out as memories came flooding back, almost like seeing a movie. Flutter Sense. Twilight. Experiments. Flowerpot on head. The Doozy. She blinked, senses returning, remembering the last time she’d been here... back when Twilight attempted to make sense of her Flutter Sense..

“Do you think it’s evolving?!” Lero was asking, with a surprising amount of sweat running down his face. “Or entering some kind of advanced phase? The way cancer does?”

"Maybe this is a good sign, Lero!” Lyra said, jittery with nerves and forced optimism. “Like… the symptoms are wearing off! Their illusions are fading away on their own!”

Every word coming out of that family’s mouths drew Fluttershy’s curiosity like the smell of baking cookies. She would’ve moved closer, but came to find that she’d been tied rather tightly to a chair.

“Guys?” said Spike. “Fluttershy’s awake.”

There other heads turn to face her, synchronized. It’d have almost made her giggle, if not for the fear and dread squirming in all their eyes and expressions. She wished she knew why.

“Hi, guys!” she greeted.

“Uh, er, hello, Fluttershy.”

Fluttershy smiled as big as her mouth would let her. “Hey, Twilight!”

“How are you... how are you feeling?” She asked, eyes still wide with what was clearly fear.

“Pretty curious, more than anything else,” Fluttershy told her.

“Not about anything murder-related, I hope!” As Twilight gave a cracked, rattled laugh, her mane and coat started to frazzle themselves again. Which was to say, individual hairs on Twilight’s body rose up like for some static-charged balloon, then curling and split-ending themselves.

Chewing thoughtfully on her upper lip, Fluttershy looked towards at her own forehead in a show of intense self-analysis. “Mmm… nope. Not curious about murder. Hey, Twilight? Lero? Guys? These ropes are reeeeallly digging into my wings. Would you pretty please loosen them? Or better yet, untie me?”

Fluttershy gave them all the pleading puppy dog look, as she tried stretching her wings against the hard rope. Poor Twilight looked even more distressed.

“I’m really sorry, Fluttershy. We just can’t afford to take chances. Please just don’t struggle. Oh, and my lab has a soundproofing spell on this room, so please don’t start screaming for help, you’ll just hurt your throat.”

“Okie-dokie! Not thinking of screaming!” she promised, with her gentlest smile. And she really wasn’t. If warned to not think of green gnus, Fluttershy had always been the type of filly who had no problem whatsoever locking her thoughts onto white wallabies.

“She sounds so normal…” Lyra murmured, as Fluttershy shifted herself as comfortably as she could on her chair. “Well… what became normal, yesterday.”

“Too normal,” Lero murmured back. It hurt Fluttershy’s feelings how much suspicion she saw in her comedy teacher’s eyes. How deeply he scowled! And that large frying pan he’d been gripping this whole time… Fluttershy was starting to think he didn’t intend to actually fry anything with it.

Something was deeply distressing this wonderful family, so Fluttershy was all too happy to be as pleasant and eager to please as possible. Someone needed to help the poor dears, after all. For a while, Twilight and Lero and Lyra busied themselves trying to talk Spike into breathing his fire on that piece of paper he was holding, but he seemed very reluctant!

Twilight kept glancing over at Fluttershy. Somehow, her unicorn friend seemed to find her very stillness quite troubling. She eventually looked over and said, “Listen, Fluttershy, I give you my word, we don’t intend to do you one bit of harm or anything! We’re just trying to get in contact with Discord.”

“Discord?” repeated Fluttershy. Maybe this was his doing! He’d just been playing chaos tricks on her eyes, the big ol’ rascal, making her see things and scaring poor Herd Bellerophon.

“Discord’s gonna perform a teensy little memory wipe on you, then we’ll remove these ropes, and it’ll be like none of this ever even happened!” Twilight said, repeatedly bouncing the crumpled-up message to Celestia against Spike’s firmly shut mouth.

“I am not a mail slot!” He protested, biting down on the scroll, yanking it from her hoof, and scurrying away… behind herself, Fluttershy was surprising to note.

Fluttershy almost made her chair fall. “Oooh, I see. Hey, mind telling me what it is Discord’s gonna erase?”

“Erm…”

Lyra sighed. “Oh, let’s go ahead and tell her. Why not? Not like she’ll be remembering any of this anyway.” And before Twilight Sparkle could stop her, Lyra said, “It was those photos.”

“Photos? OHHHH, you mean those photos I showed you! Where’d you put them, anyway?” asked Fluttershy, looking around for them.

“We burned them,” said Lero, inclining his head towards Spike.

“You sent them to Princess Celestia? I didn’t know they were that good! I just thought they were weird!”

“Er… No, we burn-burned them.”

“Aw.”

Twilight approached Fluttershy with the look like a mommy would wear while telling her foals that daddy wouldn’t be recovering from his illness. “Fluttershy, this probably won’t be easy for you to understand, but you weren’t supposed to see those photos the way that you saw them.”

“You mean with my Element Bearing friends being in the wrong families and the wrong jobs with the wrong cutie marks?” All four of the others flinched. “And you think that purging that from my memory’s gonna help me?”

“That’s right, we do,” said Lero. “Don’t worry, Fluttershy, it’ll all be okay! We only want to erase your memories of the photographs, nothing else!”

“Well… maybe us tying you up like this too...” Lyra added.

“Oh!” Fluttershy drew an uncomfortable breath through her teeth. “Well, uh, I hate to bring this up, guys, but I think one teensy-weensy little snag I don’t think you’ve thought of.”

“What snag?” asked Twilight.

“Well, those photographs your burned? Those were photographs of photographs, remember? Photographs that were in our other friends’ homes. On their walls. Their mantelpieces. Their bedrooms. You can go wipe my mind, but it’ll only be a matter of time before Pinkie Pie or whoever invites me over to visit. And I’ll see one of those photos of theirs, and you’ll need to call Discord to wipe my mind all over again. Not to mention all the stuff that's in my own bedroom!”

There was a dead silence. Fluttershy was certain she’d be able to hear a pin drop, if one of the poor dears fell over.

“And…” Lyra Heartstring started, her voice actually sounding shaky. She took a deep breath and steeled herself. “And it’s not like Ponyville's the ONLY place she’d find such photos…” Lyra swallowed in open horror. “You Element Bearers are worldwide celebrities, acclaimed heroes, you’ve been in newspapers, magazines…”

“Celestia’s stained-glass windows…” Twilight whispered, falling to all four knees.

Oh no… oh no! Fluttershy was witnessing Twilight Sparkle’s frazzlement reach never-before-seen levels! Less than a minute seemed to have passed before her beautifully-kept mane had gone from split-end city, to bedhead, to grunge punk! By the look of things, it was speeding dangerously towards homeless ghetto junkie!

And the hollow look in her eyes was that of a unicorn who’d just realized she had absolutely no way of preventing herself from getting eaten alive by fire ants. It lasted for all of ten seconds.

“Send it!” she demanded suddenly, turning towards Spike with a blazing glare.

“Send it!” The crumpled-up paper Spike had been holding disappeared in a poof of unicorn magic.

“SEND IT! SEND CELESTIA THE LETTER, DAMN YOU!” Twilight snarled. Fluttershy had a second to see that Twilight had teleported the crumpled-up letter directly onto Spike’s tongue, before she forced the baby dragon’s jaws shut and even looked to be pinching his nostrils shut.

“TWILIGHT, STOP!” Fluttershy screamed.

“I have to do this!” Twilight swore. “It’s the only way to keep you from going insane!”

Fluttershy looked over at her friend’s now-scraggy looking hair and feverish-looking eyes and thought better of stating the obvious. Lero and Lyra both stood frozen in worry and uncertainty.

“Twilight, you’re scaring all of us!” Fluttershy pleaded. “Please, just tell your old friend Fluttershy what this is all about!”

“I can’t!” she wailed, losing enough to concentrate that Spike was able to breathe again and spit the letter to Celestia out of his mouth. “That’s the whole point! If you knew, you’d go mad! You’d attack me!”

“I’d never…!” exclaimed Fluttershy.

“Just like Rainbow Dash went mad and attacked me!”

“Rainbow Dash attacked you?” Now Fluttershy was really getting scared too!

With startlingly sober sorrow, Lyra said, “Yes. Rainbow Dash attacked Twilight. I was there, I saw it.”

“She couldn’t handle the real truth!” Twilight moaned, as Lero helped her to her hooves. “Discord warned us it would happen, and it did! But I don’t think there’s any way we can fib our way out of this one like we did with her, so we need to have Discord wipe all this from your mind, Fluttershy!”

“I don’t wanna have my mind wiped!” Fluttershy yelled. “I wanna understand what’s going on! I want to help you, Twilight!”

Twilight shook her head fiercely, as though some nasty impish beast had hooked its claws into her scalp. “You can’t, Fluttershy! You… you have a condition! The same condition Rainbow has! I don’t want you turning into a rampaging psychopath!”

It felt like they were arguing in circles. Taking a deep breath, Fluttershy softened her voice and her overall mood as soothing as she could.

“Twilight, I know you’re scared. I can see you’re scared. You should see the hairs on the back of my neck standing up! My Flutter Sense tells me whenever my hair stands up on the back of my neck, my friends are scared! Oh, and sometimes me, too. But that’s not the point! I’m scared too! Everyone here’s scared. But we’re all still friends, right?"

From the chair she was tied to, Fluttershy gave Twilight her very friendliest smile.

“And I know you think you can’t solve this problem, and it’ll wreck everything if you can’t... but… I’m okay! Yes, I see things I ‘shouldn’t’ be seeing, but even if it’s all a bit confusing, it doesn’t hurt. And I’m not broken. I don’t understand any of this, either… but you trusted me before when I knew things that neither of understood… why is this any different?”

Lero and Spike and Lyra all turned towards Twilight as she in bewilderment. “...neither of us understood… neither of us understood…” she muttered. It seemed Twilight recognized what Fluttershy was talking about in a general sense, but her panicked mind was having problems pulling up any specific details.

“Remember that time that hydra was chasing us, Twilight?” Fluttershy told her. “And we came to that big mountain drop, and I told you you’d need to take a ‘leap of faith?’”

Twilight gasped, her gaze snapping up, looking at Fluttershy, wide-eyed.

“I’m asking you to take another leap for me,” Fluttershy told her.

* * *

One apologetic untying later, Herd Bellerophon assured Fluttershy that the picture of Rainbow Dash was something that’d been taken recently. It showed Dashie inside her cottage. Her animals were all around her; she’d been in the middle of tending to them. The stance of her body showed her usual bashfulness… yet there was also a big, adorable smile on the cyan pegasus’ face, as though she’d just been paid a lovely compliment.

The second picture, which Lero set down next to the first, showed herself, in the cottage, as the cottage caretaker. Moments ago, Lero had just went into Rainbow’s cottage and unhooked this picture off one of the walls so Fluttershy could see.

The body language of this photographed Fluttershy was all ‘shrinking violet.’ Painfully unlike the way Fluttershy had always known herself to be. And though this ‘caretaker Fluttershy’ was smiling, it was clearly forced for the camera’s sake.

On both their flanks was the same cutie mark of three pink butterflies.

“So this… was the original version of myself?” Fluttershy asked.

They had already provided the story about the Swap. All it had done; how Discord and Celestia were involved in it, and all the secret work Lero and Twilight and Spike and Lyra had been doing to counter it.

“You absolutely cannot tell anypony else about this,” Lero warned. He still was holding onto that frying pan of his, though she noticed, not as tightly, his knuckles no longer white from the tightness of his grips. Insurance, she supposed. Perfectly reasonable, now that she understood.. “Nopony. Not the Cakes. None of the Pie family. And especially not Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack, or Pinkie Pie.”

“Y… yeah. I completely agree.” Fluttershy nervously scraped the floor with a hoof. “My Flutter Sense starts going mad if I even think about telling them, that if I were to blab about this to any of those four, they’d take it very poorly. Just… bad mojo, there!”

“Are you remembering anything right now, Fluttershy?” Spike asked. “About how you used to be? Your ‘caretaker’ memories?”

Fluttershy shook her head, looked over a third picture that’d been set down earlier on this tabletop: the six of them with different marks. Well, five, anyway.

“So why’s YOUR mark the same in both versions, Twilight?” she asked. “Didn’t you get Swapped too?”

“Starswirl’s swapping spell is one of the types that excludes the caster,” Twilight said, as Fluttershy helped herself to another cookie. “Well… I think. I haven’t cast the original since that first time.”

“I’ll bet this all sounds too crazy to be believed, right?” Lyra said, with the ghost of a smile.

“Actually… it makes perfect sense to me,” said Fluttershy. "These past few months, I felt like I wasn’t myself, that I didn’t get myself. This explains why! I was never supposed to be this pony to begin with. All this time, I felt like… like…”

Looking at Lero, Fluttershy found a good metaphor to use.

“...Like a hand forced to wear a shoe. Like a foot forced to wear a glove.”

“Fluttershy, I’m sorry,” said Twilight.

The yellow pegasus made a smile. “Oh, it’s…”

“No, I’m very serious. I’m so very, awfully, HORRIBLY sorry. I should’ve gotten Swapped too. I deserve to suffer exactly the way I made the five of you suffer.”

Fluttershy looked at Twilight and understood she had reopened one doozy of an emotional wound.

“Twilight…” Lyra said, she and Lero moving to comfort her.

“No!” she steps out of their grasp. “I don’t deserve…” She hung her head, letting out a deep sigh. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen... Never! I was just trying to test what an old spell did! But I still hurt you all so badly… my best friends… every second of every minute of every day! And I lied to you. Played this huge charade. It was just random bad luck that you ‘lost touch’ with your talents, and couldn’t get ‘back on track!’ All five at the same time. And it was me, it was ALL ME! I did it! I’m to blame! And I was so afraid of driving you insane, I couldn’t even admit it you! Not until now.”

“Well, you said you’re trying to fix us, right?” reasoned Fluttershy, as Lyra moved to nuzzle Twilight, who this time didn’t move. “With this Cure thing?”

The noise Twilight made was a sob mocking the sound of a laugh. “Oh yes. The Cure. The bitterest, most unswallowable pill in the entire damn jar.”

Lero held an arm out. “Twilight, whatever you’re about to say…!”

“No! She needs to hear this!” And Twilight faced Fluttershy again. “I have really come to love all you Swapped Ponies. And when I say that, I mean that I love you all as your own distinct and unique individuals. Separate from your old Unswapped selves. Does that make sense?”

Fluttershy thought it over. “You mean like… in the Megamare comics, where Megamare had to go through all the alternate universes, and she eventually teamed for a long time with the alternate universe version of herself from the Dinosaur Zone?”

“Oh yeah!” Spike chimed in. “Dinosaur Zone Megamare was all kinds of awesome! She stuck with Team Megamare for way more issues than the writers originally intended, and the spinoff…”

Lero cleared his throat very loudly on Twilight’s behalf.

“Yes, Fluttershy, it’s... it’s just like that. Especially with Rarity.” Fluttershy couldn’t remember a more desolate-sounding sigh than the one Twilight gave just then. “My sweet, beautiful Rare Bear. She’s become so special to me. She’s everything a herd-sister should be. I love everything about how she treats me. And Lero, and Lyra, and Spike, and Rainbow Dash. All of us. And I’ll just come right out and say it: she’s an absolute lioness in bed, too!”

Fluttershy tried her best not to cringe the way Lero and Lyra were. Spike gave a small jump as if something had bitten him from underneath, (and what a bizarre thing it’d been learning that spike had crushed on RARITY in the ‘real world!') Twilight Sparkle was spilling her heart out to her, but Fluttershy hoped there wouldn’t be any more intimate details…

Lyra let out a small cough. “Uh, Twilight, Spike’s here.”

She closed her eyes. “Yeah. I know, sorry. One more thing I’m screwing up, right?”

“Twilight…” Lero started, and stopped as Twilight shook her head violently. in response.

“No, don’t. I…” She closed her eyes. “I’d love nothing more than for that precious one-of-a-kind unicorn weathermare to stay in this herd forever. Grow old with her. Help her raise our foals together, once I figure out a way to let Lero do it... Now, you want to know something, Fluttershy? Every time I sit down at my lab to research the Swap Cure, it always feels like I’m plotting to murder her.”

To Fluttershy’s side, Spike was burying his head against Lyra’s body. Lyra was patting his back and doing her best to whisper soothing things, though she couldn’t keep the hitch out of her own voice. Lero sat with his elbows on his knees, hiding his face in his hands, until a point where he let them drop away.

“You Swapped Five… maybe your memories are jumbled about between yourselves. But I know the friendship you feel for me is every bit as real and strong and heartfelt as those of my Unswapped friends.” Twilight continued. “In a life-or-death disaster situation, I know any of you would die for me. Just as I’d die for any of you! And yet, to pick you five over your original selves…”

She shuddered.

“How I wish I could have all TEN of you at once! Swapped and Unswapped, coexisting together!”

“You mean… clone ‘em?” Lero asked weakly.

Twilight shrugged. “I’m damned, Fluttershy. The moment I honestly do discover a Cure, I’ll have to decide what to do with it. Use it, and I’ll obliterate all my Swapped friends from existence. Don’t use it… I’m consigning all my Original friends to a living, lifelong burial within their own psyches. Either way, I’m doomed to sentence five of my truest friends to effective death.”

Right now, one of the things really leaving a strong impression on Fluttershy was how smoothly this was all coming out of Twilight. Of course, a well-read book-lover like Twilight would be great with words. But there were no hesitating ‘ums’ or ‘uhs.’ So much of it seemed well-rehearsed. And not even in the sense of an actress delivering a memorized monologue.

More like... Twilight Sparkle had given herself lots of time for self-reflection on this Swap. Organize her thoughts. Select the best metaphors. Watching how her family had been reacting… most of it had shocked them. Stuff like how the cure research felt like a murder plot to Twilight. This stuff had been ricocheting endlessly in Twilight Sparkle’s mind for who-knew-how-long. And she’d never shared with anyone at all. Until now.

“I must confess that I feel like a monster,” Twilight finished with a tiny voice, and red, red, eyes that hadn’t stopped leaking tears.

Fluttershy opened her arms and hugged Twilight to her. The gesture surprised her, but she did not fight it. “Smile, Twilight. Go on. Smile. You’re no monster. I promise you aren’t.”

“You… you forgive me, then?” asked Twilight, with no small amount of awe.

“Well, duh!” said Fluttershy. “You expected a super duper double-strength kind-meister like me to hold grudges?”

Several minutes needed to pass before Fluttershy sensed it was a proper time to speak again. For Twilight had been completely overtaken by a wracking fit of weeping. An inner part of herself -- the Fluttershy she had ‘always remembered’ being -- was encouraging her to stop Twilight’s sadness pronto, by singing her a song or pass out cupcakes.

But a different side of her -- the side she suspected was buried deep within her mind -- had told her to just be there with Twilight, and let the crying run its natural course. This turned out to be the right choice. Fluttershy’s chest fur did a nice job of soaking up all the tears and the volume, until her friend eventually pulled away.

“Besides, it sounds to me like you’re as much a victim in this as any of us Swapped Ponies. Maybe even bigger than us! I mean, between making a huge unfunny nuisance of myself with my neighbors and an impossible decision like you’ve got, Twilight… well, I’d say I got off very lucky! So please, no more horrible punishment fantasies about getting Swapped yourself. You’d probably have to leave your family then, and think of how sad they’d be!”

Her unicorn friend turns around, looking at all her herdmates, who had been listening intently. Spike looked especially emotional.

“I… I would be sad, Twilight!” Spike snapped, crossing his arms with adorable anger. “I’d hate it if you left us. Hate it if you were ever to look at me and not see your brother. Hate it if one of your friends ‘took over’ for you, and I had to pretend she’d ‘always’ been my special big sister! Be ten thousand times worse than losing Rainbow Dash!”

“Ditto,” said Lero.

Lyra also nodded, levitating over a small cloth, and wiped away the last tears from the corners of Twilight Sparkle’s eyes. At last she smiled.

“There we go!” cheered Fluttershy, clapping her hooves together. “Yeah, I’m looking inside myself, and I’m pretty sure both sides of me agree that they much rather see you happy!”

They all came in and shared a lovely group hug around Twilight.

“But… guys, I’m still not getting how this even happened in the first place?!” Spike exclaimed. “Why is Fluttershy suddenly able to see all the old pictures as they really are and stuff?!”

The four of them looked at each other in bafflement.

“Uh…” Fluttershy suggested.

“Er…” Twilight added.

Just like when Lyra looked ready to open her mouth and proclaim it an unsolvable mystery, Lero asked, “Hey, Fluttershy… the very first time your felt your, ah, ‘perceptions’ had changed was at Berry’s party after that thing with Gilda?”

“Yes, that’s right!” said Fluttershy. “In fact I remember just before I’d left Sugar Cube Corner to go to Berry and Ruby’s birthday party, I looked over at the wall where all the Employee of the Month pictures hang, and they were all of me! But when I came back, they all showed Pinkie Pie with that weird curly mane!”

“I see,” Lero nodded. “Then I think it might’ve been your equilibrium that brought this about.”

“But that doesn’t make sense!” Lyra protested. “That time Rainbow Dash was teetering on the verge of madness… that happened AFTER her own equilibrium!”

Lero shrugged his shoulders, but still went on. “I admit, it’s just a theory. A mere guess. But… we all remember how Pinkie Pie used to be, right? She had a very unique mindset back when her mane was curlier, can we agree?”

They all did, even Fluttershy, who had already read through a couple of the old Pinkie’s diary entries.

“Well, here’s my personal diagnosis of the situation. When Fluttershy… with the Old Pinkie’s unique mindset… underwent her equilibrium, it affected her mind in a very unique manner. Maybe… Pinkie’s mind, when no longer buried, is just too much for the bewitchment. She sees things like they really, are, or at least more like they really are? Fluttershy’s now ...infected? ...Possessed?”

“Claimed?” Fluttershy suggested.

“...Claimed by Pinkie’s unique perspective.” Her concluded.

Fluttershy thought it over. She had no way of telling for sure, but it seemed like Lero was on the right track with this ‘fourth wall awareness’ idea. She thought of actresses, who were able to balance both the fictional ‘reality’ of their on-stage personas, and the real reality of their true selves as performers. Like an actress, Fluttershy felt she was now able to see all the painted backdrops and forced perspective for what they really were.

Then it hit her. “Oh! Oh! Oh, man, I get it! My Flutter Sense! Nothing's made it go off... Heck, I hadn’t even thought of it until today!”

“Pinkie Sense.” Twilight corrected reflexively.

“Well, since this IS Fluttershy, maybe it is her Flutter Sense!" Lyra said.

“And there we have it.” Lero said.

“Well, then, why didn’t she go bonkers?” Spike interjected.

Lero blinked. “Well, Pinkie can handle all sorts of craziness, like her Pinkie Sense. Maybe she can just handle things like the Swap?”

“Hey, Fluttershy?” said Twilight, interrupting these thoughts. “I know it’s been hard on you… all the humor stuff. Old Pinkie’s lifestyle. So what would you have me do? I haven’t come up with a Cure yet, I swear, but if you want to go back to being your old Bearer of Kindness self, I promise I’ll work towards that! But if you really would rather stay THIS way…”

It felt like a piano had fallen on top of her head. “I… I… Hey, Lero? Rainbow Dash, she’s still a shy pony, isn’t she?”

“Huh?” said Lero. “Well, she’s gotten a lot better than she used to be, but yeah. She is still kinda shy. Nothing like what Dash used to be.”

Fluttershy gave a long sigh. “I see. Twilight, I’m sorry, but it’s way too hard to decide! I’m too much of two minds. And I’m not trying to even be punny or anything! Honest!”

“But… but… surely….”

“You are right, Twilight; that great big comedy obsession of mine was the pits. But you want to know something? These past two days made up for everything. Everything. I couldn’t be joking LESS.”

And Fluttershy began twirling all around the room, like an excited ballerina, feeling new energy swell in her heart.

“This equilibrium thing’s super duper keen! I love it! Love this feeling of wanting to be around other ponies! Love having other ponies want to be around me! I feel so liberated, Twilight! Like every shackle and wall I ever built for myself in my mind is gone forever!”

As she twirled and cavorted, Fluttershy wondered where she’d subconsciously been referring both to her Unswapped life and her Swapped life? Probably! But then her eyes happened to catch sight of that recent picture of Rainbow Dash sitting meekly with her animals, and the urge to dance was done.

“But It look back on my memories of Rainbow Dash, that the Swap made for me. How intimidated she is by other ponies. All the time she spends alone in that cottage, or out in the woods to be with animals. That’s supposed to be MY life?!”

The whole idea felt like something out a freaky nightmare. Like waking up and finding yourself to be the size of an ant. Or only being able to speak in limericks. Why couldn’t life just be the way she’d always remembered it?!

“Though… she did look happy with her animals…” She let that thought hang for a moment, before shaking her head, turning back to Twilight.

“And yet…staying like this…” Fluttershy’s lip quivered and her ears folded down in guilt, “it’s like I’ve stolen something from my bestest friend Pinkie Pie: her life! And that I’ve saddled my other bestest friend, Rainbow Dash, with a burden that she should never have had to bear: my own crippling shyness! And every time I happen to see an old picture on somepony’s wall, I’ll have to remember that all over again.”

Lyra took a step forward. “Fluttershy, do you think… maybe you just need more time to think this all through? It IS a huge dilemma…”

But Fluttershy shook her head. Putting a smile on, she bounced over right next to where Twilight Sparkle stood, and exclaimed, “I’ll tell you what, Twilight; I’ll let YOU make the choice for me!”

“M-me? Are you sure about that?”

“The way I see it… this all came about because of a magic spell, right? Spells are unicorn things. And up in here…” Fluttershy tapped at the side of her head. “I’m 50% pegasus, 50% earth pony, and 0% unicorn. So I’m 0% qualified to make the call on this.”

But Twilight frowned very deeply at this line of reasoning. As though Fluttershy had said something very offensive and small-minded. “That’s not true! In fact, that kind of logic’s the stuff you hear from unicorn supremacists!”

Oh horse apples. Fluttershy was forgetting her history lessons on all the old civil rights movements; how non-spellcasters had just as much right to weigh in on magical matters as spellcasters. (It'd been a big issue back in the day. She recalled one old quote from her old school books, where a unicorn protestor had said: "Letting non-spellcasters decide what magic we can cast would be like letting deaf ponies pick the music we can listen to!")

“W-well, if this were some simple coat coloration changing spell… that’d be one thing. But… y’know... this is a major brain twister spell of STARSWIRL’S that HE couldn’t figure out! Or even Celestia!”

Then Fluttershy gave Twilight a hard, accusing stare. “Plus… either way, I’m not really choosing just for myself, am I? Admit it! You see me as the ‘Swapped Spokespony,’ don’t ya? I’d be deciding on behalf of all five of us at once, right? Having a real hard time seeing myself swapped back into my old caretaker role without the other four also swapping into their old roles too. But how am I supposed to know whether or not they’re happier in their new lives? I can’t even ask them properly, since they’d… you know…”

“They’d go cuckoo,” said Spike.

Fluttershy tried hard not to imagine what this would like, facing Twilight Sparkle once more. “The bottom line is… I’m not comfortable living at the cost of two other ponies, And I’m not comfortable deciding for four other ponies’ what’s best. That’s not what Pinkie or Fluttershy would do, I’m sure of it. What I’m here for… I’m here to be your friend, Twilight, and support your decision here. I know Celestia gave you this spell for a reason. She has faith that you’ll make things right for everypony. And so do I. So whichever you think I oughta stick with for good -- butterflies or balloons -- I promise I’ll cooperate with you 100%. In fact, I’ll do more than just promise, I’ll Fluttershy Forswear it! Ooh, in fact, I’ll do better than just Forswear, I’ll…! Hey, did Pinkie have her own Forswearing?”

“Pinkie had ‘Pinkie Promises,’” said Lero. He seemed amazed that he still remembered that. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Fluttershy loved the rhyme. “Wow. You’re right, Twilight… now I’m sorry you can’t have all ten of us together at once. I’d’ve liked to meet the Party Pony Pinkie Pie!”

“You’d have gotten along like two peas in a pod,” Lyra laughed.

And so Fluttershy sat back and recited the Fluttershy Forswear and the Pinkie Promise; “Cross my wings, hope to cry, pluck my feathers if I lie, and cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

Fluttershy could feel the power of the double-vow within her own heart. Twice as strong, twice as binding… and more magical for incorporating this strange other version of Pinkie Pie. A sacred oath from a separate dimension of reality. How cool was that?!

“What do you intend to do now, Fluttershy?” asked Lero.

“What else? Go back to living my life!”

“As a… party pony?” said Lero.

“Yup!”

The human shook his head in amazement. “Just like that, huh? Even with everything you know about yourself?”

“Well, what else can I do? Tell myself ‘snap out of it?’ Splash cold water in my face? Whack my noggin against the wall? Would that bring my old memories back?”

They all shared small, sad chuckles.

“According to you guys, half of my ‘real’ soul’s now inside Rainbow Dash. Even if I could flap my wings and absolutely all of my animal-loving memories flew right back into my head…”

“...You wouldn’t feel confident about stepping into Rain… your old cottage and just picking up where you left off, huh?” asked Lero.

“...No, I wouldn’t.” She sighed.

“Guess it’d probably still feel like a poor fit, wouldn’t it?” sighed Twilight, glumly. “And I bet you’re rather sick of feeling that way.”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t even know where to start with animals, any more than I knew where to start with the jokes.”

Another uncomfortable silence. Fluttershy was really itching to leave this basement at this point. She wanted to fly, brisk and breezy under the sunlight, and eat a banana split, and give herself some private time to think this all through.

“May I ask…?” Twilight started.

“Hey, Twilight?” Lero cut in, with a hand on her back. “ Why don’t we save it for another day? I think maybe Fluttershy’s had enough bombshells dropped on her head for one afternoon.”

Fluttershy let out a grateful breath.

“You can stop by my place, tomorrow or something, and we can talk about this some more!” as they all started up the stairs. “Believe me, I wanna get to the bottom of this whole Swap business just as much as you guys!”

“Sure!” said Twilight. “Fluttershy, thank you for being so understanding and kind about all this.”

“You’re a very kind pony, yourself, Twilight,” she replied, as they reached the front door. “Don’t forget that.”

Laughing slightly, Twilight said, “That’s a really nice thing for you to say, but…”

“‘But’ nothing!” And the yellow pegasus stopped in her tracks. “I’m serious about what I just said. Kooky things can happen to a pony when she forgets her own kindness. Take it from a girl who’s been there. So don’t be a forgetter, okay?”

“Whoa,” Lyra breathed, as though Fluttershy had just done some super martial arts spinny kick thing.

“So if there are any more… unusual new developments up here…” Lero pointed at his head. “Or if you get any helpful ideas, or if you just need someone else to talk to about what you’re going through, you know where to go, right?”

Then Lero found himself tackle-hugged, being nuzzled by Fluttershy like a cuddly teddy bear of an uncle.

“You bet I do, Lero, you great big two-legged super-sweetie! Right here, with all you guys! You’re all just such… incredible friends!”

Then she hugged Lyra and Spike the same way, so they wouldn’t feel left out. “Well, bye-bye for now! Parties to plan, cakes to bake, and smiles to spread! Be seeing you!”

She let herself out the library’s front door. Seconds later, she re-opened it and came back in.

“Felt a brainwave, guys! I just thought back to earlier today, when I was talking to Spike and Lyra about my dear old Granny Pie and how she taught me how to sew, and for some weird reason, my mind jumped from there over to Applejack. And I realized: AJ hasn’t gotten any of this wonderful equilibrium stuff herself, has she?”

At these words, Lero sat back on his chair. Smiling a fox’s smile. “...Now that you mention it, no. She hasn’t. Yet.”

“Then I have an ideeeea!”

Author's Note

I have a lot of friends to thank for their help with this one.

NachoTheBrony, with his professional expertise in parties, was a big help in pointing out how Berry's party ought to go. You should also all expect a few small touch-ups to the previous chapter as well, in the coming days, (would've done it earlier, but I focused all my efforts on getting this chapter out!)

Rikmach, for his awesome editing skills, combing through the whole thing. I appreciate all that you do for me, man.

BadWolf, for a certain recommendation he gave, which turned to be right.

Last, but certainly not least, SpinelStride. Long ago, Spinel recommended I have this all happen to Fluttershy. I was iffy at first about making this exception to my Bewitchment rule, but he talked me into it, and I'm glad he did. This was a wonderfully dramatic chapter to write.

By the way, all the cocktails that feature in Berry Punch's party are real. These include: Anchors Aweigh, Mutiny, the Gold Rush and even The Liver Transplant. Though while there isn't an actual 'Mare Overboard,' there is a 'Man Overboard.' Please drink responsibly.

One Swapped Pony left to equilibrate, folks.