Surprise was as vital to laughter as air was to the lungs; after all, who laughed at jokes when they saw the punchline coming? So when Lero and all the members of his herd: Lyra, Rarity, Spike, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash all showed up at Sugar Cube Corner just as it was closing for the day, and told her that they wanted her help to throw a party, what could she do but laugh? And then they gave each other such goofily confused looks, and Fluttershy laughed some more!

Then when Fluttershy had gotten herself back under control, she asked, “So who’s this party gonna be for, anyway?”

“Uh, well,” said Lero, scratching the back of his mane with those funny little fingers of his! “We were hoping you could help us pick out somepony, Shy.”

“Huh?” said Fluttershy, after a double-take.

“We… uh… it could be one of us, if you want!” Lero offered awkwardly. “If it’d make things easier! We could make up a reason for celebrating, no problem!”

Such an unexpected answer! Giggles overcame Fluttershy. “Oh, I get it! You don’t even care! You just want to celebrate for celebration’s sake! Oh my goodness… I’m rubbing off on you!”

“WAAAAAHHH!! WAHHH!”

“Oh!” Hearing sweet little Pound and Pumpkin wailing, Fluttershy turned to the others and said, “Sorry, everypony, please give me a minute!”

Then she ducked into a side pantry, pulled out one of the premixed dough bags inside, and settled it on her back. She gave it a pat as she backed out and threw Lero an apologetic look as he read the bag’s label.

“Don’t let anypony know it’s premixed, okay? I’ll get my knack with the kitchen back after I get my jokes going again, promise. But this stuff is okay, even if it’s kinda pricey. But my audience awaits!” And with that, she trotted into their nursery with it on her back.

Pound and Pumpkin were crying in their crib, the precious little dears. While her Herd Bellerophon friends waited and watched politely from the hallway, first she checked their diapers but no, they weren’t soiled. Next, she tried feeding them from their bottles, but they just pushed them aside. Fluttershy knew what this meant, and her smile spread wide.

She’d been right! They’d been crying from boredom! Yay!

The little ones’ eyes were already upon her as they heard the bag being ripped, and looked up at her as she positioned it over her head. Then she span it upside-down and let the mix spill all over her; getting all into her coat, her mane, her wings… and the babies laughed and laughed their wonderful, heartfelt, rejuvenating laughs. And she had to laugh along. She was suddenly now white when she should have been yellow! Goodness, what had happened to all her color?!

Feeling inspiration from a powdery itch in her nose hairs, Fluttershy stretched out her face ridiculously as she snorted the ticklish flour deeper into her nostrils before belting out several large and exaggerated sneezes:

“Waaaa-CHOOOO! Waaaaaaaa--CHOOOO!!!”

Oh, this one was their best laugh ever!

“Quick, Rarity!” she begged her friend, “Storm me!”

“Er… right here?” Rarity asked, caught off-guard. “Don’t you have a shower you can step into?”

“Showers aren’t as funny as stormclouds!”

Soon enough, Fluttershy felt rapid raindrops pelting her pelt. Predictably, the dust expanded to a doughy mash, and that just made Pound and Pumpkin’s laughter even double what it was! Rarity was creating a small-but-powerful wind along her hooves that was catching the globs before they could land on the floor, so Fluttershy caught them and juggled them… so maybe this was even a triple laugh!

“Now, a thunderbolt!” shouted Fluttershy gleefully.

“Wait, what?” was Rarity’s reply.

“I’m waaaaaaiting!” she crowed. Rarity rolled her eyes; the tiny storm cloud roiled up its force before unleashing it in a single blast of electricity, arcing through Fluttershy’s (thankfully, lightning-tolerant) Pegasus frame… leaving the dough flash-cooked in a crispy crust that covered Fluttershy entirely, With a flex, she broke out one side, only slightly singed around her edges, leaving a pie-crust silhouette standing behind her.

“Ta-daaah!” she cheered happily at the hysterically-laughing babies, whose squeals only rose when the Fluttercrust statue toppled over and shattered to pieces.

Fluttershy’s heart swelled with love for both of the babies. It was all so simple with Pumpkin and Pound. No need for memorizing joke books or studying humorism theory with these two. Just dump some flour on your head, and you’d have lovely, lovely laughter running over you! Or bread mix. And trying something new almost always got you a bigger laugh. For now, anyways. While the babies were still young. They still hadn’t developed any appreciation for higher-brow humor. Like joy buzzers.

Whoo, had THAT been a mistake.

Fluttershy blinked as she felt a scrubbing at her pelt. She turned her head and saw Rainbow Dash rubbing her down with a towel.

“How about I keep watch over the little ones here, while you guys plan out that party?” Lyra suggested, sitting herself by the babies’ crib.

“Party?” Fluttershy asked dimly, still focused on that wonderful sound the babies were making. If only it were possible to bottle such a noise like soda in a jug, then open it up and spill it straight into your ear like…

“Yes! A party!” Spike smiled. “Why, think of how much more joy and laughter you could be bringing to dozens of ponies at once, if you threw a party!”

Gasping at Spike’s incredible genius - baby dragons were just so smart! - Fluttershy exclaimed, “Right, of course! Right this way!”

Bubbling over with new excitement, like way too much bubble bath soap in your bubble bath, she flew into her bedroom. Where was her pink journal? Where was her pink journal? Aha! Right here, by her wind-up chattering teeth and her snakes-in-a-can!

While her other friends were packing themselves into her room, one by one, Fluttershy was flipping through her journal, looking at the names after glancing at her calendar. No, not him right now. Not her… or her, either, they’d be out of town too long. Maybe… oooh!” She looked up at her friends. “If we’re going to throw somepony a party, could it be Berry Punch and Ruby Pinch?” Fluttershy asked the others.

“Berry and Ruby?” Lero asked.

“Didn’t you know?” Fluttershy asked. “They share the exact same birthday! Berry gave birth to Ruby upon her very own birthday! So it’ll be a DOUBLE birthday bash! Ruby will be six and Berry will be twenty-eight!”

Berry really loved her little girl, too. Fluttershy remembered her once saying that Ruby was ‘the best birthday present I’d ever given myself. Oh, it’d be such a fun challenge for a fun and funny party planner like her, planning a funnily funtastic party for a mom and her girl at the same…

“I just don’t get your humor anymore…”

“So lame…”

“I’ve seen ponies being funnier getting hit in the head.. No, wait, don’t actually do it!”

“I think I remember hearing that joke when I was a kindergartener…”

“You used to be the coolest pony ever, Fluttershy. What happened to you…?”

It was such a strange feeling. Like ice-cold vines had sprung up out of some deeply buried place within her, wrapping themselves around her heart. So completely unlike her usual self. But all her confidence of moments before, all the eagerness that had driven her to find other ponies and make them smile had just collapsed. Like an empty can under a hard hoof.

“Or… then again… maybe that’s a little too ambitious for me right now,” she said, much fainter. “I’ve been making such a nuisance of myself these past few months… nopony would possibly come to any of my parties…”

“Fluttershy?” she heard Rainbow Dash ask.

She looked back up and forced herself to smile. “Of course, I always have you guys, right? Maybe a small party with just us in it might be all right…”

The others were all looking at her with worry and sadness. Except for Lero, who was looking at her cutie mark. She almost wondered if she still had some dough on it or something. When she glanced at it herself, she saw that it was clean. Just the same as it ever was.

“Actually, Fluttershy,” Lero said, “Let me talk with Berry. See if I can’t win her over.”

“Really?” Gratitude and dread filled Fluttershy. “But what if Berry won’t do it?”

“If not, then I come back, we take another look at that journal of yours, and see who else in town is gonna have a birthday soon,” said her comedy coach, coming over and putting a reassuring hand on her withers. “All we have to do is just keep at it.”

* * *

Berry Punch’s Wine and Liquor Shop wasn’t even a full block away from Sugarcube Corner, and it was still the middle of the day. The members of Herd Bellerophon almost all went there as a complete group like they had just done for Fluttershy… but at the last moment, Twilight Sparkle thought better of it.

“Poor Berry would probably think we were all ganging up on her or something!”

"Well, then, who should go?" Lyra asked.

"Well, we'd need a group big enough to seem convincing, without being overwhelming. About three?" Rarity offered.

"Well, it's mostly Lero's show, so he should definitely go." Spike suggested.

"Perhaps our little hummingbird should come along?" Rarity suggested, nudging Rainbow.

"Me?" she squeaked. "I have a hard time talking to ponies, much less convincing them to agree to something."

"That's what makes it more genuine! The effort you'd put into it! Besides, who would doubt the intentions of the Element of Kindness?"

"Um, okay," she conceded.

"And lastly, we need someone who's good at convincing ponies to do things that sound weird, dumb or terrifying at first glance." Lyra commented. "So I nominate Twilight."

"What!?" Twilight sputtered.

"Hey, you somehow convinced five random townsfolk who'd only known you for a few hours to go on a suicide charge into a deadly forest to fight an ancient nightmare goddess."

Twilight opened her mouth to object, but finding no reasonable objections, closed it and muttered, "Fair enough."

"We'll be waiting for you at home, then, darlings, we eagerly await tales of your success!" Rarity smiled at them, before leading the others back to the library.

Walking into Berry’s store was almost like walking into a well-lit wine cask. The floors, the walls, ceiling… even the shelves holding the merchandise seemed to be made of that exact same cut of wood. Possibly even out of boards that had once been part of barrels.

“Fancy a free sample?” they heard Berry ask.

Turning to the right, they all saw Berry Punch just a single body length from her cash register. There was a small tray with plastic sampling cups beside two partially-full wine bottles.

“This one’s from an all-new winery,” she explained, nudging the tray forward. “Local place, only a few miles outside of Ponyville, just started shipping their first vintages! It’s called Grullo Grove, and this is a sample of both their white and red. Please try one!”

“Well, Berry…yeah, sure,” and Lero drank one of the little cups of red wine. The highly tannic taste would linger on Lero’s tongue for all the rest of his conversation with this mare.

“Excellent!” he exaggerated, “Thank you, Berry! Say… I heard from a friend that you’d soon be turning twenty-eight? And Ruby Pinch will be six?”

“Wh… yes!” said Berry in surprise. “Yes, that’s right. I’m… kinda surprised you knew? Pinchy’s probably talking it up all around town, I bet.”

“Yeah, sure, that’s the ticket!” Rainbow Dash responded earnestly. Lero had to suppress a chortle- apparently, that phrase didn’t quite have the same implications in Equestria, as Berry didn’t immediately become suspicious.

“But, anyhow, Berry, we wanted to make an offer.” Lero explained.

“Yeah?” Berry tilted her head curiously, putting down her platter of drinks.

“Yes, we’re like to throw a party for the two of you!” Twilight finished cheerfully. Lero could feel she was getting into this... maybe it’d been too long since she’d just done something nice for another pony?

This, however, was what made Berry Punch suspicious; her eyes narrowing and regarding them as though Herd Bellerophon might be trying to set up some kind of nefarious scheme worthy of a murder mystery.

“I’m… honored, I guess, but I still don’t understand why you’d want to throw this party for me. I mean, you’re a nice guy and all, Lero, but we’re not exactly besties or anything.”

“Lero’s the kind of stallion who’ll go completely out of his way for ponies, even when they’re not close friends!” Rainbow Dash replied firmly. Lero could spot a tremor in Dash’s legs, as though they wanted to bring her to hide behind Twilight or Lero again, but her face was too busy looking at Berry Punch square in the eye. The human felt a little honored.

“Well, in all honesty, we’re doing this more for Fluttershy’s sake than anything else.” Lero admitted to Berry.

“You have Fluttershy as the party planner?” Berry perked up. “Wow, we haven’t had a Fluttershy bash in ages. Not since she decided telling terrible jokes was a better idea.” Berry paused, eyeing the well-known pegasus mare who had not long ago, lost all control of her animals and her life, only to regain stronger control over both with Lero’s help. She clearly put two and two together. “I’m not sure that’d be such a great idea to do that big a party right out the gate, hmmm? What you ought to do is just have Fluttershy throw a smaller party at your own place, Lero.”

Lero laughed slightly. “Yeah, Fluttershy suggested that herself, actually. But, well, I’ve been helping ponies… work through certain issues of theirs for quite a while now. And one thing I’ve noticed is that the best way to cause a breakthrough is with a certain amount of… pressure.”

Bringing Pinkie Pie to Big Mac in that hospital had been an emotional ordeal, but it had caused her to realize the true meaning of the Apple Mark she now bore. And Lero had talked with both Rarity and Rainbow Dash after they’d achieved equilibrium, and both of them had told him that everything the glufferflork had put them through had forced them to re-examine their lives.

“A small party at my place won’t do Fluttershy any good,” Lero told Berry. “Just half-assing it won’t work.”

Berry snerked. “Have to use the whole ass, huh?”

“Yeah!” Lero laughed, and nodded. “A small party is too safe, too contained, too low-key… I mean, you aren’t really riding a bicycle until the training wheels come off, right?”

“Bi… cycle? What in… wait,” Berry was squinting as though struggling to recall a story some drinking buddy might’ve told. “Isn’t that the name of some kinda minotaur doohickey?”

“...Yeah,” said Lero, suddenly feeling very dumb for using a saying that would be meaningless to ponies.

“Human metaphors asides,” Twilight spoke up, “We can make this party into something big for you and Ruby, Berry! We’d be pulling out all the stops! You’d be helping us, Fluttershy especially, as much as we’re helping you.”

Lero did not miss the sympathy in the shopkeeper’s eyes. Berry Punch might not be regarded as a model citizen, but when all was said and done, she truly was a Ponyville pony. And Ponyville wasn’t some gritty, eat-or-be-eaten cutthroat’s ghetto, but a kindly community where everypony knew one another and neighbor helped neighbor.

“...Though we’d have you meet with us for lunch or something, so we plan everything out, so everything meets the needs of you and your family! We really do want to help Fluttershy make your birthday super-special, Berry!”

“Is that so?” Grinning, Berry Punch ducked under her counter and pulled out a hidden bottle of stronger-looking liquor, pouring herself a small bit. “Well, if there’s one thing ol’ Berry Punch can appreciate, it’s a party! Me and Shy have always had that in common!”

She drank it down, head swaying as though she could already hear a DJ’s dance beat. “A full-out first-rate Fluttershy Fiesta for me and Ruby…hey, is this gonna cost me anything?”

Twilight scoffed dismissively. “Come on, Berry! You know Fluttershy better than that! Has she ever charged anypony one rusty bit for her parties?”

“Only when someone hires her,” said Berry. “Otherwise… no, she parties for partying’s sake. Or, heh, for other’s sake. I once saw that girl break out her noisemakers and confetti to celebrate a duck quacking.”

“We… um, thought that poor Miss Mallardly had lost her voice forever,” Rainbow Dash said. “But then one day, she quacked properly, and it was so wonderful, and I can tell nopony’s interested... “

“Money is no object with us,” Lero told Berry Punch. “However much this ends up costing, we’ll foot the bill. But I give you my word, Berry; this won’t just be some mediocre cake-and-candles deal. We’re gonna help Fluttershy make this a celebration to remember.”

“We’ll even buy gifts for Ruby Pinch if you tell us what kind of stuff she likes!” Twilight promised. “Millionaires will be envying how much pure fun you and Ruby and your whole herd and all your friends will be having! I swear this on the name of my mentor, Princess Celestia.”

Berry looked at them all, rubbing her head several times as though to make sure booze wasn’t tricking her senses. “On one condition. On top of everything else, you guys are also entirely responsible for cleaning up this party when it’s over.”

“Deal,” Lero agreed.

Berry suddenly left her counter, waltzed up to one of her store shelves and pulled down a prestigiously elegant crystal-clear bottle. She brought it back and held for Lero to take from her mouth.

“Oh…” The bottle read Vintage Gold Standard 120 Proof Karabahk Vodka, and its price tag was one hundred and fifty bits. “Berry, this is far too…”

“Take it,” she said. “My gift.”

He ended up putting it in Twilight Sparkle’s saddlebag.

“Gotta be honest with you, Lero, I don’t think this party of yours is gonna fix Fluttershy’s problems the way you’re hoping it will. I’ve seen that girl; she’s MESSED in the head. But you’re gutsy for taking this risk. And even if you’re only able to deliver half of what you’re promising… well, when ponies are willing to screw themselves over that much so I can have a good time, the least I can do is treat them to a nice drink.”

* * *

Comedy lessons had stopped entirely for now to put Berry and Ruby’s birthday party on the front burner. Everyone in Herd Bellerophon was resolved to help Fluttershy through every step of the way.

Planning everything out came first.

For the longest time, Berry Punch had been one lone mare raising her little girl all on her own, but almost a year ago, that had changed. Nowadays, both of them were part of Herd Caramel: a fairly happy herd of four. The other two members were Caramel and Honeybee.

Caramel couldn’t exactly be called a close friend of Lero’s, but the two guys were pals with each other nonetheless. Honeybee was the sister of Honeydew. While Lero wasn’t exactly her favorite person, ever, the fact that Lero saved her from drowning a few months back, plus her estrangement with Honeydew made her much more tolerant of the human, though Lero didn’t expect that to extend much beyond ‘not actively objecting to the party.’

Time was of the essence, so Herd Bellerophon and Fluttershy only had time to meet up with Herd Caramel twice. First was at a restaurant in the early evening one night, where Fluttershy went over some of the major ideas she had; it was there they decided the party would be held at Herd Caramel’s home. The second was when they invited Fluttershy and her ‘junior party planners’ over to scout the place out, determining where the food should be placed, how much room there was outside versus how much was inside, and so forth.

Then the set designers, once they finally arrived to Ponyville four days before the birthday, demanded an all-afternoon visit so they could sketch the decorations, which ended calling to pretty much remodelling all of Herd Caramel's front lawn. Tempers even began flaring because it soon became clear that the lawn was simply insufficient for a party that expected an attendance of fifty children and almost as many adults, plus the staff working the party itself. The situation was thankfully solved by the 'magic' of Lero's checkbook, which quickly arranged the rent of the neighbours' lawns two properties both up and down the street. His checkbook even sweetened things at City Hall, with a significant 'donation' ensuring that nopony would question Herd Caramel's front lawn suddenly sporting a two-storey galleon-themed kiosk that even spilled beyond the property lines.

Honeybee didn’t show up at all, either time. Caramel had made a single limp excuse about her needing to see to her beehives when they’d met at the restaurant, Lero and Twilight had told him they understood, and very little was said about Honeybee after that. Once all the plans were made… then came the shopping. The decorating. The cooking and baking. The assigning of roles. The writing of invitations, (how Lero wished Equestria had photocopiers as he wrote them out next to Spike!) and their delivery into everypony’s mailbox.

All at breakneck speed. In picking Berry and Ruby, she had essentially given herself and her friends less than a week to pull everything off.

In the old Pre-Swap days, they’d all let Pinkie Pie shoulder so many of the duties of putting these parties together. It was how Pinkie Pie functioned, after all: take an eye off her a moment, and a party happened. For once, being Swapped wasn’t proving much of a hindrance for Fluttershy, as far as arranging this party went. The yellow pegasus was coming up with a lot of inspired ideas worthy of her Balloon Mark’s original owner. And yet, behind it all, behind every smile, every excited idea she put forth… Lero could sense worry. Lero could sense gloom.

Anypony could invite some friends, whip up a cake, buy some soda, chips, and a few quarts of ice cream, and sing Happy Birthday To You to the birthday boy or girl at a table. But those were parties thrown by ponies who didn’t want to go to too much trouble throwing a party. Which was fine, it was always great getting together with friends and loved ones to celebrate, no matter how much effort was put into it. But to make it truly special, to raise your party up from generic-level... one of the many things a party planner had to consider was its theme. They had talked a bit with Caramel and Berry about what sort of things little Ruby was into. Turned out it was a lot: princesses, superheroes, cooking… but her biggest interest, right now, was pirates.

“Think it’s that one pirate book they’ve been selling in bookstores; Cap’n Mizzenmast,” Berry Punch told them. “You know the one, right?”

They hadn’t; not even Twilight, (who swore she’d speed-read the book, the first chance she got.) Cap’n Mizzenmast turned out to be a recently-published bestseller for young readers. All of its fans were very excited about the promised sequel.

“Ruby’ll also pull out some of my bottles of ‘piratey’ booze, just to draw the logos on ‘em. I oughta show you some of her drawings of the Rummy Freebooter. Nearly got that one down perfect.”

Pirates, huh? Lero had thought to himself.

* * *

Some days, when Lero Michealides looked back on his past, he sometimes thought about how much patience and effort it had taken for him to establish a good name for himself in this intelligent equine society. Show this world that he was truly a ‘friendly alien,’ without any devious long-term invasion schemes...

“Spike, write this down,” the human said. His little dragon brother lifted up his pen, seeing the focused intent in Lero’s eyes, dipped his quill tip in fresh ink and lifted it over the page.

...From there, even without his connection to pony royalty through Twilight Sparkle… being not just a friendly alien but the only member of his entire species had proved quite lucrative. Especially after the subject of human movies had come up. Eventually leading to big-name movie directors asking about filming their takes on such movies. Memorable movies worth adapting for pony audiences.

Dear Sundance,

It’s been a while since we’ve talked, hasn’t it?

Upon first arriving in Equestria, Lero’s subconsciousness had taken great pains to psychologically block out his memories of the terrible beings that had abducted him from Earth, and their equally terrible world. But Earth, itself, he could recall just fine. Its people. Its history. Its mythology. And its movies, especially the good ones. Those memories had given rise to Terminator: Equestrian Edition, Alien: Equestrian Edition, Back To The Future: Equestrian Edition, and The Sound Of Music: Equestrian Edition. He’d brought it all to Equestria, and there were more in the works.

Between a whirlwind of domestic difficulties in my home life and getting kidnapped, things have been absolutely crazy for me. I’m sure you understand. But if I may cut to the chase; Sundance, I’d appreciate it if you could do me a favor. A huge favor. I’d need you to contact several specialists you’ve worked with on my behalf, to help me with a very special personal project of mine.

I know that this comes at very short notice, and we’d need to work fast to put it together. But if you agree to help me, I promise you and everyone else involved will be very well-compensated for your troubles. This includes me giving you exclusive rights to a certain human cinematic masterpiece which I know would be right up your alley, Sundance. It’s called ‘Rear Window.’ Here’s a quick summary:

Lero was good for the money. But even with the lure of something as good as Rear Window, there was a chance that Sundance would turn him down flat once he had to admit that this was for a birthday party. She was that kind of mare. But it was at least worth making the offer. That special showbiz razzle-dazzle would give Ruby and Berry’s party some extra power.

Normally, Lero wasn’t the sort of man for huge extravagance. But this was not just some jaunty little splurge, not ‘celebration for celebration’s sake,’ as Shy had put it. It was a psychological rescue attempt by extraordinary means. For if Fluttershy’s situation was as Spike had theorized; if parties and not jokes were the real key to helping her, then Lero wouldn’t be pulling his punches. He intended to treat the yellow pegasus’ Balloon Mark to the pirate party equivalent of the Hiroshima bomb.

After completing his letter, Lero had Spike breathe his fire on it. Now the ball was in Sundance’s court. He fixed himself a sandwich but was only able to bring himself to nibble bits of it, before finally going over to the toy store to buy gifts for Ruby Pinch. If Sundance accepted, this’d be a serious drain on his bank account. Part of him almost hoped Sundance would turn him down, in her firm, brusque way. It’d almost be a relief if that were so, as the expense and complexity would be much more manageable without her involvement... though far less epic.

That evening, Lero received Sundance’s answer through the express mail. He opened up the envelope, read her letter over and smiled.

* * *

Today was Berry Punch’s and Ruby Pinch’s birthday.

On this day, the longer you spent on Herd Caramel’s property, the easier it became to almost forget that Ponyville was a landlocked village. Strategically-placed speaker systems around Herd Caramel’s house were constantly broadcasting background ambiance noises befitting an oceanside harbor town. The screech of seagulls. The wash of waves upon a beach, rocky in some places, sandy in others. The wooden groan of docked vessels. The distant ringing of ship’s bells, the whoosh of wind in sails, and the occasional blare of a foghorn.

Not that long ago, Herd Caramel had had a fairly well-kept lawn, all around their house. Today, you couldn’t see so much as a single blade of grass underneath all the authentic coastline sand, (courtesy of Twilight Sparkle, who had plenty of contacts of her own.) Creaky, weather-beaten wooden walkways had been set up for guests who didn’t care to get any of the stuff stuck under their hooves. And there were many guests, some still arriving. The invites they’d sent had encouraged everypony to come dressed as pirates, which the majority of them had, especially the foals.

Fluttershy, herself, wore a knitted cap, hoop earrings, and an algae-green vest of some kind. She, and the all the members of Herds Bellerophon and Caramel had been specially outfitted for this day, by a pair of mares who’d designed costumes for over a dozen different theatrical releases.

“Look! Look! Look at all the animals!”

Fluttershy did find herself looking, even though the little colt she was responding to had been speaking to his mother, not her.

Rainbow Dash had set up a small petting zoo underneath the shade of several palm trees. Mulch had been laid down and a temporary length of steel wire fencing had been rolled out and posted so that the none of the animals would wander off. Keeping true to the party’s pirate theme, the animals were marked with names like ‘Sea Lambs,’ and ‘ ‘Plunder Bunnies,’ ‘and ‘Crow’s Nest Chicks,’ and the ‘Cat O’Nine Tails,’ which managed to be an absolutely loveable little kitty, despite being born with nine tails. Several of the foals were having the time of their lives, frolicking with the adorable little things, and nuzzling their heads as their parents watched off to the side or took pictures or even stood inside the pen, nuzzling the animals as well.

And Rainbow Dash stood in the center of it, carefully watching the foals and animals alike, seeing that neither of them grew too rambunctious with one another. Her party costume was a simple grass skirt and a brightly colored lei and seashells braided in her colorful mane… less ‘pirate’ and more ‘native island girl whom a pirate would terrorize.’ Fluttershy found herself struck by the peaceful happiness of Rainbow Dash. This gentle maiden of the forest, among so many animal friends. So unlike herself in every way, and yet...

Fluttershy’s attention was drawn in particular to one of the little chicks. A tiny little beaked ball of buttery yellow, just hopping around everypony’s hooves. The way it chirped out its ‘Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!’ was just pleading for her to come and be scooped and huggled in her arms. Fluttershy almost gave into this urge, but put it out of her mind as an unimportant flight of fancy: she had a party to be a part of, after all!

So turning her back on the petting zoo, she trotted past a line of foals who’d forgotten to dress piratically but now wanted to, (all receiving their choice of bandannas, vests, eyepatches, and toy cutlasses,) heading straight into Herd Caramel’s house. ‘DEAD MARES TELL NO TALES,’ proclaimed the long banner over Herd Caramel’s front door. It was made of actual sailcloth, and written in something that did a really good job of looking like dried blood.

The set designers had been just as imaginative and fast-working on the house’s inside as the outside. Fluttershy almost couldn’t remember what this place has looked like as a regular home. Stepping into this part of Herd Caramel’s house was like stepping into the cargo hold of some scurvy seadog’s schooner. Those set designer friends of Lero’s had really gone above and beyond.

Circular portholes had been constructed around the windows. Fluttershy saw crates labelled CONTRABAND, little golden statuettes that looked like idols crafted by shamans in Polyneighsian tribes, and treasure chests galore. Some shut with thick rusty padlocks, others flung wide open, overflowing with gold bullion and gold coins. A life-sized cannon waited by one of the portholes, next to a stack of cannonballs and open-lidded barrels of black powder. All of it completely foal-safe, pure works of stagecraft.

“Splice the mainbrace! BRAWCK! Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! BRAWCK! Rattle me bones!”

...Well, perhaps not all of it. Jabbers the parrot was real enough, and Fluttershy was not the only pony amazed how many piratey sayings his caretaker had been able to teach him in such a short amount of time.

“Can you believe all this?!” Somepony had suddenly to turn towards her and start up a conversation. I mean, this party is incredible! You would never expected somepony like Berry to go all-out like this, eh?”

It wasn’t anyone Fluttershy recognized... perhaps a friend of Berry’s from out-of-town. How was she supposed to even respond to something like that? Agree? But wouldn’t that maybe be insulting Berry, saying that she never went ‘all out?’ But wouldn’t this pony feel insulted and defensive if she were to disagree? But she had to respond, she had to say something!

“So two pirates who each came from two different pirates ships sit down next to each other to drink in a pirate bar,” Fluttershy began, just going with her gut instinct. “‘Boy,’ says Pirate One, ‘You’re looking a little down in the mouth.’ ‘That I am, me hearty,’ says Pirate Two. ‘I’ve just got the worst captain ever!’ ‘How so?’ asks Pirate One. ‘Well,’ says Pirate Two, ‘I brought my captain down to my bunk to show her all the roaches crawling around inside it, and do you know what she did? Keelhauled me for keeping pets!”

It wasn’t that the other pony didn’t laugh. He did, but it was the wrong kind of laugh. Not even a forced laugh, just very disbelieving. The wrong kind of surprise.

“Ah ha ha… wow, miss, that was… quite a bizarre little non sequitur… aha.”

When she found she couldn’t meet his stare, suddenly Spike the dragon had popped up between them. “Ahoy there, landlubber!” he greeted the stallion. “Welcome aboard the birthday party!”

“No way!” said the stallion. “Are you a little dragon?!”

“I sure am!” Spike blew a nonthreatening spurt of fire, so tiny it didn’t even fly past his own snout, just to further prove his dragon-ness. “I see you’ve met our navigator, Miss Fluttershy. She just tell you a joke?”

“Yeah!” laughed the stallion, in a nicer, more relieved way that made Fluttershy start feeling sharp resentful pinpricks in her stomach. “Bit of a non sequitur too! Threw me off guard.”

“I… well, I… I…”

“Aw, she don’t mean any harm by it, matey!” Spike answered for Fluttershy, with a poor attempt at a stereotypical ‘pirate’ accent. “Joking’s just Fluttershy’s special way!”

“Oooh, special, is she? Say no more, kiddo. I’ve got myself a sister that’s ‘special’ in the same way.” said the stallion, who was now looking at Fluttershy as though she were three years old. “She’ll be about your age, in fact!”

“I’m not a dummy,” Fluttershy insisted.

“Never said you were, Miss Butterfly,” smiled the stallion. “You heard me laugh, didn’t you? Takes focus to tell jokes like that! Ahahaha… my sister, now… her big focus is folding towels. Champion towel folder, my sister. Ask her to do anything else, though, absolutely anything else, hahahaha… Celestia bless her, we all do love her so.”

“I hear you! Wanna balloon?” asked Spike, offering one from the bunch he held in his hand.

The stallion shook his head and moved towards a circle of other ponies whom he seemed to recognize. And Spike winked Fluttershy as though he’d prevented further embarrassment. It took effort for her not to frown too hard at him.

“What’re you wearing, Spike?” she asked.

The costume lady had made a fancy little pirate outfit for Spike. Instead, he was now wearing clothes that made him look like some sort of carnival worker. Blue pants, simple-looking brown shoes, but also a colorful beanie cap with blue and red vertical stripes that perfectly matched the color of his short-sleeved shirt.

“Do you like it?” He span the propellor on his cap with one of his little dragon fingers. “Applejack made this for me a while ago.”

“That’s nice, but it kinda goes completely against the theme, doesn’t it?” she snapped.

“Applejack… made this for me a while ago,” he repeated in a slightly sadder voice. “When she comes in and joins the party, I want her to see me wearing it.”

Fluttershy paused, then sighed, knowing herself how hard a time Applejack was having. “Okay, I understand. Just… try not to stand out too much?” She asked.

“You got it!” He responded, his attitude picking back up again as he went to find more people to offer balloons- at least the balloons themselves had pirate themes and designs on them.

Fluttershy left the obstinate little dragon to hand out more balloons, feeling a bit more sour as she entered the dining room.

Herd Caramel did have tables and chairs of their own, but the set designers from Lero’s ‘film crew’ had replaced them with oak barrels with flat wooden surfaces nailed to their tops, with rough sheets of burlap for tablecloths. The chairs all looked rustic enough to have been carved out by a marooned castaway over a good couple weeks, to celebrate her first half-year on a deserted isle.

Instead of regular drinking cups, they had tankards and sets of beer and wine bottles with the labels peeled off, (and thoroughly washed, inside and out.) Drinks were on tap in miniature barrels, marked: (root) BEER, (ginger) ALE, (soft) CIDER, (ice-cold, refreshing) WATER RATIONS, (limeade) SCURVY CURE, plus (chocolate ice cream, chocolate milk, and root beer) BILGE MUCK from Berry Punch, as well as a special never-before-seen human concoction which Lero had made, called a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, (ginger ale, lemon-lime soda and grenadine.) Lero had brought this in a more traditional punch bowl.

The food tables were loaded. There was a big selection of fruit slices: bananas, mangoes, oranges pineapples, papayas, and kiwis that circled around a ship-in-a-bottle. Beneath a Wanted poster of Ruby Pinch sat an array of snack food, including ‘POLLY’S FAVORITE,’ (saltine crackers,) ‘HARDTACK’ (actually very soft and freshly fluffy buttermilk biscuits.) Though they hadn’t brought out the birthday cake for Ruby Pinch yet, there were still no shortage of sweets to munch on. Chocolate gold coins, white marshmallow skulls, little toy galleons whose decks were loaded with rock candy ‘gems,’ (that’d actually been cut to resemble real jewels,) cupcakes with parrots and starfish and treasure chest fondant toppers...

Off to the side were a trio of musicians dressed as pirates. One played the fife, one played the fiddle, and one was on an accordion, and all three of them had been singing sea shanty after sea shanty. It was incredible how many of them they knew. Fluttershy lingered to listen to one in full.

“Come, messmates, pass the bottle ‘round,
Our time is short, remember,
For our grog must drop and our spirits stop
On the first day of September.

Farewell, old rye, ‘tis a sad, sad truth
But alas, it must be spoken
The red wine cup must be given up
And the demijohn be broken

Yet memory oft will backward turn
And dwell with fondness partial
On the days when gin was not a sin
Nor cocktails brought court-martial

All hooves to splice the mainbrace, call,
But splice it not in sorrow,
For the spirit-room key will forever be
Laid away upon tomorrow!

For tonight, we’ll merry, merry be
Tomorrow we’ll all be sober!”

Sailors really had some funny lingo for themselves, didn’t they? Wondering to herself what a ‘demijohn’ might be, and whether there might be a regular ‘john’ or even a ‘superjohn,’ she moved on from all the food tables, slowing when her ears caught a familiar voice.

“Well, it’s not like I’m trying to be rude to you or anything, Pinkie Pie,” Twilight Sparkle was saying, “But I couldn’t help noticing how you seem to be, well, lost in thought. Ever since you came to this party.”

“...Thought?” Pinkie replied, in a murky way. She seemed less her usual self, for some reason. Half in a fog, distracted by everything. The music, the food, the other party guests… Fluttershy had definitely stopped moving entirely, perking her ears up, and listening in on her two friends from a distance.

“Are you… feeling like your old self, Pinkie? Being at this party?” The look on Twilight’s face was hard for Fluttershy to describe. Something between worry and… hope?

The farmpony seemed to emerge from her fog at that point. “A’ course Ah feel like mah ol’ self!” she said with a laugh. “Who else would Ah be feelin’ like?”

“Who indeed?” agreed Twilight.

Fluttershy watched Pinkie rub at her forehead. “Beg yer pardon, Twi… guess Ah must be workin’ mahself harder’n Ah thought down at the farm. Not like me ta be spacin’ out like that. ”

Twilight then carefully asked, “Would staying at this party be the best thing for you, Pinkie Pie?”

It struck Fluttershy that there were less weirder ways of wording such a question. Pinkie clearly thought that too; for she gave the purple unicorn a look before saying, “Whoa there, filly! Sounds like yer thinkin’ mah chores’ve tuckered me out so bad, Ah’m gonna slump over like a scarecrow off its post! If that’s so, then yer seriously underestimatin’ the Apple clan’s natural grit and sense of fun!”

Twilight Sparkle gave a laugh. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to.”

“Pinkie Pie ain’t no ‘all work ‘n’ no play’ kinda gal! Them days’re over ‘n’ done with… and good riddance to ‘em!” Here, the farmer girl gave such a hot huff out her nostrils, it was like she was trying to snort out dragon smoke. “Ah’ve always helped mah family throw hootenannies, and Ah’ve always tried ta go ta most all o’ the shindigs Ah was invited ta. Partying’s jest a natural part o’ the Apple lifestyle!”

“...Never thought of it that way…” Fluttershy heard Twilight say in a slightly quieter voice, before the purple unicorn turned and spotted her. “Oh! Fluttershy, hi!”

“Hi, Twilight.”

“Hey, Pinkie, could you give us just a quick little minute?”

“Sure thang,” said Pinkie.

And Twilight Sparkle trotted over by Fluttershy. “I want you to know you don’t have a single reason to worry. Everything’s covered.”

“Covered?” the yellow pegasus repeated.

“Completely covered!” With a bright and perfect grin on her face, Twilight gave Fluttershy a friendly, encouraging nuzzle. “With us on the job, this birthday party’s as good as wrapped up with a nice and neat bow on top! Or ‘unwrapped,’ as the case may be! It being a birthday party and all!”

Fluttershy made herself chuckle along with her friend’s poor comedy. “Yeah, I’m really... glad that I have you guys around…”

* * *

“Me! Me! Me! My turn!” crowed all the little pony foals, clamoring around Lero as he returned little Peachy Petal to the ground. Of course it was a sunny afternoon… one of Rarity’s contributions, bless her... and it was glaring brightly into his one uncovered eye. The black eyepatch had actually been somewhat fun to wear for the first ten minutes. Now Lero just wanted it off… only he wouldn’t actually allow himself to remove it. Not until this party was over. At least the swarthy buccaneer’s do-rag covering his head was surprisingly comfortable.

He stuck his hands on his hips and squinted down at the pack of foals in a salty way. “Alright, me fine young sea urchins… the next one ta get a piggyback ride’s gonna be…”

He cast his eye over all the little foals. Zipporwhirl, Mint Flower, Bee Bop, several unfamiliar foals, most likely from out of town… but the one hopping up and down with the most energy was that chubby colt, Truffle. Though he had a sad, pleading look in his eye, because Lero had been overlooking him for all this time. Poor kid.

“Truffle! Step on up, ya little scallywag!”

Ignoring the bright clicking of cameras from the parents further back, (especially those of Truffle’s father,) Lero bent to hoist the pudgy earth pony colt onto his back.

“Off we go!”

Herd Caramel had a very spacious backyard. He and Fluttershy, and his herd, and especially the film crew had been able to fill it with all sorts of swashbuckling decorations. A very convincing-looking pony skeleton with a harpoon sticking through its ribcage, still clutching a dagger in its teeth. A surprisingly large prop lighthouse. A fortuneteller’s tent. Actual palm trees with a hammock swinging between two of them!

“This is so cool!” Truffle whooped, while Lero’s muscles seared in protest.

“Is it really?” Lero had to ask.

“Well, yeah!” I mean, look at the big picture. How many more ponies are gonna be able to say they rode on a human’s back a hundred years from now?” said Truffle, giving Lero an unwelcome fresh reminder of his own mortality.

All sorts of games and entertainment had been set up for the kids. This included the artsy-craftsy ‘Design Your Own Pirate Flag’ and ‘Design Your Own Pirate Chest.’ The ‘Dig For Buried Treasure’ game had been a brilliant idea of Fluttershy’s, where they had buried several plastic treasure chests in a patch of soft dirtwhere at the last second she suggested filling with sand and spare props the pit left behind by the temporary removal of some flowering bushes , and the kids got to have fun digging them the random junk up. There was also a walk-the-plank game where they’d set up a plank as a balancing board, and foals got to walk across it to the opposite side over a picture of hungry sharks in the ocean drawn from a bird’s-eye view. And there was also that while the designers had wanted to board up the neighbours' small pool, Fluttershy rather suggested to drain the water, fill it up with rubber foam bricks, and even produced a dozen shark plushies out of seemingly nowhere. This last act made Herd Bellerophon especially excited, as it had been months since anybody had seen any of old-Pinkie's unexplainable shenanigans.

“Hey… why do you call this a ‘piggyback’ ride, anyway?” asked Truffle. “Is this the way you’d carry a pig, Mr. Human? On your back?”

“I… never had to carry a pig,” huffed Lero. “Wouldn’t ever really want ta. But probably not. I mean, would YOU want to have a piggy on your back like this, kid?”

“Eeeewww, no!”

There were more fun attractions, besides. That casting director friend of Sundance’s had supplied them with several talented performers. There were the musicians, inside, singing their sea shanties, but also there was a young actress; one whom the casting director claimed to be ‘talented enough.’ She was playing as Cap’n Mizzenmast, herself from the books, regaling a very spellbound bunch of foals with tales of her adventure while simultaneously teaching the youngsters how to tie all sorts of different nautical knots. Apparently, this was true to Cap’n Mizzenmast’s character from the book.

But by far, the piece de resistance of it all had to be the huge a second pirate ship being dragged ‘underwater’ by the purple tentacles of some huge sea squid, two property lines up the block. A setup room and a resting lounge had been needed for the party's crew and performers, and none on Herd Bellerophon had had the heart to say no when Fluttershy enthusiastically suggested to mask it as a second vessel attacking their own. The tentacles had been specially enchanted to flex and tighten around the wooden sides of the vessel. At least the Herd had saved a few nits when Twilight herself offered to perform the animation enchantments on each and every one of the tentacles...

But still… Oh dear sweet God, Lero suddenly thought, What the HELL possessed me us to spend THIS kind of money?!?!

The ‘film crew’ that Sundance had helped send his way hadn’t really been a pleasant bunch of ponies, for the most part. They were consummate professionals, but once they’d learned that this ‘special project’ of Lero’s was actually some average family’s birthday party instead of a movie, not even they could completely hide their reactions.

To put it in food terms, they were like a team of five-star chefs, who’d somehow gotten themselves hornswoggled into working for a week at a Burger King. Their expressions of dismay, alarm, and annoyance were quickly covered, But Lero was certain they were griping about the situation to each other out of his and the guest’s earshot.

The set designer, in particular, she was a true wizard of her craft; doing everything Lero had asked, plus more, giving their pirate party a realism like a classic epic brought to life. But he could clearly hear a hint of annoyance in her tone and the jerkiness of her movements.

Going back to the cooking comparison, it was if the Burger King manager had instructed one of his 5-star chefs to make a cheeseburger. But rather than so much as touch any of the ingredients from Burger King’s refrigerator… the hamburger meat had been carved out from the chef’s private stock of authentic Japanese Kobe beef, on which a slice of genuine stravecchione Parmigiano-Reggiano had been been set to melt.

And every so often, the set designer had treated Lero to a look which said, I am so far above the level of this rinkydink party.

Of course, this had worked in their favor. Everyone was enjoying the party all the more because of how much unexpected effort and expense had gone into it. Still, it was an unforgivably huge blow to his family’s bankbook. If this failed… would he have to throw another party of such a giant scale, in order to give Fluttershy a second shot?

This party WILL work! Lero assured himself, his body on autopilot as he switched out Truffle for the much easier-to-carry Key Lime. How can it fail? And remember: this isn’t JUST for Fluttershy alone. Fixing Shy will lead directly to fixing Applejack, just like we talked about with Spike and Lyra and Twilight!

That was right. Money could be earned back, even if they ended up having to put that one trip to the minotaur lands on hold for a little while. But fixing all five members of the Swapped Five would reduce the Swap, itself, to a toothless, clawless tiger. And from there, Twilight could go ahead and…

...his white unicorn… how wonderful it felt having her in his family….

...Could…

...well, it wasn’t sensible to think TOO far ahead about such things. For now, he needed to smile. Shine with inner cheer. Before Fluttershy came by, picked up on his gnawing tension, grew distressed, and all was ruined.

It was right about then that he came to a realization: he really had to pee.

So Lero finished the piggyback ride he was in the middle of as quick as he could, then apologized to the other little foals for needing to take a quick break for himself, but promised he’d be back soon enough. Hurrying inside Herd Caramel’s house, he wove his way around several party guests, including some more foals who were busy with the scavenger hunt. (“I found the peg leg!” he heard one say.)

Since he’d come to this house several times to help set up the party, he knew where the bathroom was. But he found the door locked when he tried to open it.

“Who’s there?” Lero heard from the other side. He knew the voice was Caramel’s; the namesake of Herd Caramel. Ruby Pinch’s stepfather, and Berry Punch’s boyfriend.

Stallion. He mentally corrected.

“It’s Lero,” said Lero. “You, uh, gonna be finishing up in there soon, buddy?”

“Honestly? No. Sorry.” Caramel sheepishly admitted, in a slightly strained voice. “Listen, if you need a bathroom, go ahead and use the one upstairs.”

“You sure?”

“Least I can do,” said Caramel. “Turn left at the top of the stairs, and it’s the second door down. Right next to the bedroom.”

The upstairs was roped off to guests. But Lero stepped over the rope without anypony really noticing. He found the bathroom easily enough and did his business. Too much of Berry’s ‘Scurvy Cure.’

“Hey! What are you doing up here?! Get out!”

Lero started at the voice, it was one Lero would know anywhere: Honeybee. It had the same vicious edge to it that he was used to hearing in the bad old days when she’d tormented him with Honeydew, her eldest sister. It was a bizarre sensation, as he’d not heard it in years. A stammering apology was already halfway out of his mouth, when he realized she wasn’t anywhere nearby that he could see. He heard someone else respond to Honeybee. Someone unfamiliar.

“Aw, come on!” The voice was female. “We were just taking a look through your scrapbook! Ain’t nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“What are you even doing up here, Miss Honeybee?” asked the voice of another stranger; a male. “Berry and Caramel told us that you ‘weren’t able to make it’ to your herd-daughter’s party.”

“That’s none of your…!” Honeybee’s indignant reply was cut off.

“Oooh, look! I found one! I finally found one!” exclaimed the female voice.

Deciding to leave the toilet unflushed for now, Lero opened the bathroom door quietly and peeked out into the hallway. The door to Herd Caramel’s master bedroom was open. He could see a unicorn mare and a pegasus stallion: the unicorn was showing off some sort of photograph to the pegasus proudly.

“Had to really flip back quite a ways… but it’s definitely her! Honeydew! And the angle’s just perfect, you can see Honeydew’s melon cutie mark, plain as day!”

Honeydew’s melon cutie mark. Lero experienced a strange mental sensation; like riding downward in a fast elevator and coming to an unexpected sharp stop.

Lero caught a glimpse of Honeybee’s hoof through the doorway. “You’ve got five seconds to give that back and leave!”

“But I thought you disowned Honeydew as your sister, Honeybee. Isn’t that right?” asked the stallion.

“Y… of course that’s right!” The stallion had gotten Honeybee on the defensive. “Dew’s no sister of mine anymore!”

“So then you surely wouldn’t mind, wouldn’t have any emotional connection, to a picture like this?” reasoned the stallion.

“Well… that is, I…” She stammered, clearly upset, but not sure how to respond.

“Really, you ought to be thanking us, for removing such an unpleasant reminder of your non-sister from your house!” spoke the mare.

Lero could no longer see Honeybee, herself, through the doorway… though the unicorn mare’s face was visible… smiling as she levitated the photograph of Honeydew under her black tricorn pirate captain’s hat.

“So… I have to ask… what was it like, seeing your sister with some other mare’s mark on her flank?” the mare then pressed.

Maybe it was the acoustics of the house, but Lero had a hard time hearing the stammered response Honeybee gave as well as the mare and stallion, who both just smiled. As though at a child who’d told an adorably transparent lie.

”Oh, come now… don't try to kid us with that ridiculous cover story! Eyewitnesses spotted you boarding one of Celestia’s sky carriages! Don’t deny it!”

When they felt his shadow over them, all three of the ponies turned around, seeing Lero in the room.

“Excuse me, you two, but the party’s downstairs.” Honeybee looked dispirited by the mere sight of Lero, while the two pony strangers grew even more creepy-eyed with delight.

“Oh Celestia… it’s him! The human, himself!” This was the unicorn mare who’d spoken. Her cutie mark seemed to be a strip of flypaper, loaded with dead flies.

The pegasus stallion grinned at Lero. It took the human a second to realize what his cutie mark even was: a thoroughly blackened banana peel. “Hi buddy! I’ve heard everything there is to hear about you being captured by the Sicklefin gang! Horrible, truly horrible!” The pegasus' grin widened with every word. “They say you were one of the ones who watched it happen with your own eyes: a pony acquiring an honest-to-goodness new cutie mark!”

“Oh? Is that what ‘they’ said? These ‘they’ ponies?” Lero replied, dryly.

“Of course, Mr. Lero!” said the flypaper unicorn wearing the pirate hat, either not getting or ignoring his sarcasm. “Hey, could you tell me, when Twilight Sparkle did it, when she switched Honeydew and Exit Wound’s cutie marks, did she recite any sort of incantation first? Can you remember how the incantation went? Even a partial memory might be enough for me to…”

A partial memory… a partial incantation… an incomplete spell…

The picture of Honeydew wasn’t inside the black tricorn hat when Lero backhanded it fiercely off the startled unicorn’s head. So he had to snatch it from her mane.

“This isn’t yours,” he all but growled, holding the picture. “You have no business being here: the upstairs is off-limits to guests. Either get back to the party or leave. Before I do something you’ll both regret.”

They didn’t stick around to find out what he meant by that, but hurried straight out of the bedroom. Lero was glad. Later along, after he’d returned back downstairs, he would discover that the flypaper mare and the blackened banana stallion had left the birthday party entirely.

Honeybee’s room looked ransacked. The photo album the two unwelcome strangers had been hunting for lay open on her bed. Lero took a second to look the picture they’d meant to snatch. He could see Honeydew at an angle that showed off her cutie mark clearly.

It had been brightly sunny on the morning this picture had been taken. She was gardening in her melon patch at her home… a place that Lero had never visited. Honeydew was wearing a straw hat to keep the sun out of her eyes. She was smiling back over her shoulder towards the photographer with a completely unfamiliar smile of friendliness. She almost could’ve been one of Big Macintosh’s many cousins.

“Here,” he said, handing it back to Honeybee. She carefully bit down on a corner of it, and just set it on top of her scrapbook. She stood there, all sorts of raw emotion effervescing in her silence.

“I… uh… I needed a bathroom, but the downstairs one was being used. Caramel told me I could come up here,” said the human.

“I see.”

He felt more and more like an intruder the longer he stood here.

“Do you need help cleaning this…” He started before Honeybee cut him off.

“This stupid party of yours was the last thing I ever wanted. Did you know that?” she snapped.

Lero shut his mouth, looking at her.

“We could’ve thrown a perfectly enjoyable birthday party for Ruby and Berry without your help,” she continued bitterly. “But then you and those mares of yours went and got Berry super-jazzed about this mega-party of yours. And so she went and got her daughter all jazzed about it too, and they went and worked on Caramel, and so I was completely outvoted, wasn’t I?”

“It wasn’t about you. I’m sorry if it overstepped, but it seemed like an opportunity to make a lot of people happy.” She gave him a brief glare. “I just wanted to do a good thing,” he told her, helplessly.

Her eyes wandered down to the picture of Honeydew.

“You know, I remember back when she had that mane-style!” Honeybee suddenly laughed. “I wore it that way too. Dew used to dream about hitting it big, did you know? We’d have a factory. And sell melons and honey and potpourri and stuff made from Honeysuckle’s flowers all over the world. We used to talk about it all the time…”

With a flick of her forehoof, Honeybee flips her sister’s photo upside-down. “You and Dew… I can never truly get away from you two, can I?”

“Honeybee, I’ve always done my best to do right by you and give you space.” Lero protested.

It was true that after he’d rescued Honeybee from drowning in that lake, things had turned friendlier between them, (as well as with Honeysuckle.) But to call what they had a full-out friendship was a stretch at best. Even when Honeydew wasn’t physically present, she was still there in all their memories. Honeydew with all her darkest accusations.

And since the business with the Sicklefins, things had grown even frostier between himself and the younger Honey sisters. Even when they spotted each other from across the marketplace.

“Today’s just a special occasion,” Lero assured Honeybee. “As soon as this birthday’s over…”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she sighed. “Put it this way: ponies know Cheerilee is Cheerilee the Schoolteacher. Bonbon is Bonbon the Candy Maker. But me? Know what I am? Not Honeybee the Beekeeper or Honeybee the Honey Salesmare, no matter how sweet my honey or how much of it they buy. No, I’m Honeybee the Ex-Human-Bully-Who-Knew-When-To-Call-It-Quits. Only now, on top of THAT, I get to be Honeybee the Psycho-Criminal’s Sister for the rest of my days.”

“I’m sorry, I never wanted you or anyone else to be a part of this.” he said, wishing he could give the poor mare something more substantial.

“Not like it’s your fault. It’s Dew’s. Wish she were here right now so I could give her face a good kick.” Honeybee took the turned-over photo of her sister in her teeth, and returned it back into the laminated pocket of the scrapbook it’d been pulled out from. Still turned-over. “What about you, Lero? Do you feel that way too?”

Lero thought back to the quarry mill, when Twilight had shot that modified Swap spell at Honeydew and Exit Wound. As well as all those scenes Discord had showed him on his TV, of both those mares being interrogated. When he heard the name ‘Honeydew’ it was hard for his brain to pick which mental image to settle upon. The earth pony with her weird new Emerald Isle brogue and insistence that she’d ‘always’ been able to perform magic? Or the unicorn... heartbroken that her ‘family’ no longer recognized her at all?

“The last time I saw Honeydew, I saw a mare so utterly, utterly wrong in the head… what could a guy like me even DO to her that could top what she’s done to herself? Is no doubt still DOING to herself, down in that...?”

He stopped himself from saying the word ‘nuthouse.’

“...At this point, she’s destroyed herself so much, it’s hard to feel anything but pity for her.”

“I like the way you think.” Honeybee half-smiled at him. He half-smiled back.

“Hey, Honeybee… I think I’m going to go back downstairs now. There’s quite a few foals who still want their shot at riding the human, and Fluttershy needs my help too. You should come down too. Ruby Pinch’s a good little filly, she should have BOTH her moms with her celebrating! I’d never want to get in the way of that. I promise I’ll give you a lot of space, and so will everyone else in my family.”

Honeybee looked back at her photo album for a second.

“Those ponies who were just in here… they’re not the first ones who’ve been like that, you know? Asking way too many questions about that whole cutie mark thing with my sister and that mobster mare. Super-curious for all the wrong reasons. Both of us know that there’s only pain on the path they’re trying to take.”

* * *

Spike and Lero were mostly in charge of helping to keep the foals entertained. Spike had something of a leg up on Lero, being a child, himself. But Lero was a nice, playful, patient sort of stallion, gifted with a good sense of humor, as Fluttershy knew. He had always been naturally good with foals. They entertained them and helped come up with games and even gave out prizes to winners.

Twilight and Rarity were mostly in charge of conversation. One key part of an extremely good party was being sure the guests were all mingling well enough with one another, consistently and happily. This would become a much more important factor later tonight. The day was given mostly given over to all the little colts and fillies, who were having the time of their lives with all the games and attractions, and many of their parents were busy watching over their young ones.

Yet even this early, there were still older relatives and such who were happy to just sit at the tables, eat and take it easy, while the young ones wore themselves out, and Rarity and Twilight were doing their best to keep their conversations lively, and introduce ponies to one another for the first time, inciting even more happy conversations.

Lyra was in charge of maintenance, making sure nothing broke down or ran out for long, and Rainbow Dash was consistently helping her with that. Frankly, Rainbow Dash was amazing. When she sensed that the foals’ interest in her animals had reached a minimum, she only needed to speak a single command, and all the critters went to sleep right away, right on the spot; freeing Dash to go help her other herdmates after locking her critters up behind their fence. The animals… but it was perfectly pointless for Fluttershy to let her mind dwell upon animals, especially Rainbow Dash’s animals, for even a half-second longer than absolutely necessary. Perfectly. Pointless.

Anyway, when an empty keg of ginger ale needed to be exchanged for a full one, when somepony accidentally dropped their cupcake on the floor, when a colt tripped and scraped his knee, when some filly’s balloon floated too far away into the sky… Lyra and Rainbow were on the scene, to restock, to clean, to tend, and to recover. But each member of that family were all ready to help each other with whatever at a moment’s notice. Yes, it was just like Twilight said: Herd Bellerophon had Berry Punch and Ruby Pinch’s birthday party completely covered.

So much so, there was nothing for Fluttershy to even DO. She might as well just be another guest.

And she felt so upset about it all. So mopey. And bitter. And... cheated. This was supposed to be her moment, her special day, her chance to make up for it all, and she couldn’t do a thing! Nor did she dare gripe about it. Not after everything Herd Bellerophon had done to help her.

Why? Why did this have to happen? Something HAD to give at some point, if she just tried hard enough, right? Just like Lero was always saying? Oh, why couldn’t things just go back to being like they’d used to? When Fluttershy tried mingling with guests, the mood still felt rather frosty, no matter how long or hard she tried breaking the ice. The yellow pegasus found herself feeling so horribly awkward around both familiar faces and strangers. None of her old social graces seemed to be coming back to her at all. Nothing but her dumb, stupid, stupid jokes.

Well, might as well try, try again. Fluttershy needed to hear somepony laugh, even for something stupid. Laughter of any sort would brighten her mood. So she came up behind some tawny-colored lady from behind… what an unusual-looking tail she had…

“So two pirates are having an argument,” Fluttershy began. “The first pirate says, ‘When you die, I’m gonna be dancing on your grave!’ And her shipmate says, ‘Good! Cause I’m gonna get buried at sea!’”

Fluttershy didn’t hear any sound of hoof-clopping from the lady’s legs as she turned herself around to face her, rather a more menacing click-click. “The real joke is: you’ve gotten to be an even lamer dweebazoid than I remember you being, Flutterstink.”

The yellow pegasus took a step back. This wasn’t a pony.

“Bet ya don’t even remember who I am, do ya?”

“Of course I do, silly-billy!” replied Fluttershy, hoping a cheerful smile would brighten the mood. “I remember everything about you! You’re Gilda! You’re Rarity’s friend!”

The griffon had actually gone and gotten herself a pirate costume to wear to this party. Certain creases along the pantaloons, especially, showed that this pony-intended outfit wasn’t fitting Gilda’s griffon body quite as perfectly as she properly would’ve liked. But it looked pretty good on her all the same. Especially the undersized, eyepatch-wearing plastic parrot clipped onto her shoulder. Hopefully, Gilda hadn’t stolen it.

“I used to be Rarity’s friend. But that’s all past tense now. All thanks to you, Butter-brain.”

“Uh.... That’s not quite how I remember it. I think you kinda told her all her new friends were lame, and that she should ditch them… I don’t think trying to force her to choose between friends made her happy.” She blinked, watching Gilda’s expression shift. On one hoof, since beaks didn’t have teeth, it’d be wrong for her to say that Gilda was baring her teeth at her. But with such a ferocious-looking beak… it looked like teeth could spring right out from inside it at any moment.

And then the snarl was gone, and Gilda was flashing Fluttershy that ‘too cool for school’ smile that Rarity had admired about her. Used to admire.

“No worries. R’s, like Queen Dummkopf VII, herself, if you’ll pardon my Germane,” The griffin looked around, disappointed Rarity hadn’t wandered by just in time to hear that. “You helped me to see what a flip-flopper she was. So no hard feelings, girlfriend. Put ‘er there!”

Gilda held out an arm. When Fluttershy held a foreleg out, and let Gilda’s talon encircle it… a sharp electrical shock shot through her body.

“Gotcha!”

“Ouch! W-what!?”

“Aw, come on, Fluttershrimp!” Gilda rotated her talon, showing Fluttershy the joy buzzer. “You remember my party, don’t ya? All those practical jokes you pulled on me? I do. So I just had to make a quick pit stop at the joke shop before making the scene here, cuz one good zap deserves another! Ha ha ha!”

Gilda’s laughter… such laughter… Fluttershy just HAD to do something to hear even a little more of it.

“Ha ha! Good one! Say, speaking of jokes… one day, a griffin diver was enjoying diving in the sea at a depth of twenty feet. Then she notices another griffin at the same depth, but with no scuba gear on! The diver decides she’ll swim down another twenty feet, only to look over, and the the same griffin’s next to her! Finally, the scuba diver takes out her board and marker and writes, ‘How are you able to stay underwater this long without equipment?’ The other griffin grabs the board and marker and writes, ‘I’m drowning, you moron!!!!”

The griffin’s laughter was indeed rewarding to hear. “Nice! Got a joke of my own, right back atcha: your face.”

“Huh?”

Very suddenly, Fluttershy found herself grabbed. Before she could think to pull away from the griffin, she found herself all but dragged over to the punch bowl, and Gilda plunged her head straight into the ice-cold Shirley Temple. Now she was definitely doing her best to struggle. Sticky, sugary, cold liquid was choking her… she might drown like that other griffin in her joke!

As a girl who’d pranked others and been pranked in turn, Fluttershy knew what a joy buzzer felt like. But when Gilda pressed her hand against the back of Fluttershy’s soaking head… she was beginning to think she might really die, right up until Gilda yanked her head out herself.

“Your face!“ screeched Gilda, as Fluttershy sucked in sweet, sweet, air. “Hahahahahaha!!!”

Her laughter was like an ice cream brain freeze. Fluttershy could hear several ponies screaming in panic, and even a few foals were sobbing. “J-just what (*cough*) are you doing (*wheeze*) here, Gilda?!”

“Oh, not much,” said Gilda, backing away, and giving all the alarmed ponies around her a wry shoulder shrug that said, ‘What, can’t you lamers take a joke?’ “I was draggin’ my tail home from getting pink-slipped, when I heard word about some kinda pull-out-all-the-stops-birthday blowout that you were in charge of. So I just had to invite myself. Boy-oh-boy, they weren’t kidding. You’ve really outdone yourself with this one, Cap’n Shybeard.”

“What do you want here, Gilda?!”

This was spoken with much more authority and aggression; it was Rarity who’d spoken. She’d stepped inside the room, head lowered with a powerful frown.

Gilda’s smile widened bitterly. “Me? Oh, I’m just here to party down.”

“Come, come, me jolly mates, the wind’s abaft,
Brisk gales our sails shall crowd,
Then b…!”

Fluttershy could only suppose that the musicians had tried starting up another of their sea shanties in hopes of restoring the festive atmosphere and calming things down. Instead, they just advertised themselves as a tempting target for Gilda, who grabbed one of the cannonballs and threw it, scoring a direct hit on the accordion player’s head. Even though the cannonball cracked apart into harmless fragments of well-painted papier-mâché, it had been thrown with great force, and Gilda had succeeded in startling all the musicians, who flat-out fled the room when the griffon then picked up the great cannon.

“What’s happening?!” exclaimed Carrot Top.

“What, you got a problem with someone having a good time?” sneered Gilda.

“Someone call the cops!” cried Davenport.

“No cops!” Rarity cried, horn flashing. “I’ve got it handled!” and in no time at all, Gilda found her body enveloped in a telekinesis field, being dragged towards the white unicorn like a fly-fishing fisherpony reeling in a great big trout. And Fluttershy knew how powerful her weatherpony friend was at magic; they still talked about when she brought Pinkie Pie to that hospital! But Gilda reached a leg out… and even with the telekinesis field in place, she still snagged one of her claws on two different tablecloths.

Fluttershy had to credit the quick horn-to-eye coordination of all the unicorns in the room, including Rarity. Even the older foals helped. Thanks to them, only a fourth of the food clattered down to the floor, instead of all of it. All the same, so many pretty snacks and fruit were lost, and even one of Berry’s barrels broke open on the floor! Foals were crying and screaming all around Fluttershy, and they were insisting ‘I wanna go home!’ and it was all Fluttershy’s heart could do not to break apart.

Fluttershy hoped Gilda would flee; at this rate, somepony probably had galloped off to fetch the police, and the griffon was just so outnumbered! Already, some of the bolder ponies looked like they’d be getting over their shock sooner rather than later, and from there, it’d just be a question of who caught her first; the cops or the guests.

Gilda seemed aware of this too. Nonetheless, she got back to all fours and took to her wings, scraping a claw against the wall, so that all sorts of piratey decorations that had been hanging up their all fell to the floor as well; maps, buoys, pulleys, netting and more, dumping it on startled unicorns, breaking their concentration and tangling them up.

“Why are you doing this?!” Fluttershy cried, leaping up into the air and daring to fly alongside her, each of them circling around the other

“Cuz it’s what I oughta’ve done at that party you threw ME!” Gilda shot back, shoving a chandelier straight at the yellow pegasus. She dodged, but not well enough, and it banged really hard into her wing. Feathers flew, and she went careening into a wooden figurehead, knocking her silly. Gilda’s chortle was poisonous, completely overwhelmed by the worried shouts of the guests.

But even through her worry and pain, Fluttershy’s ears flicked as she heard a new song from a few rooms over. Not the singing the pirate musicians, either; these was regular ponies; parents and foals.

“Happy birthday to you…”

“...Oh ho ho! Perfect target!” Gilda grinned maliciously, barrelling through through packs of ponies, roughly tossing them aside with her greater size and strength as she made her way towards the singing. Fluttershy did her best to catch up to her, apologizing hurriedly to everypony she bumped.

“Happy birthday to you…”

The lucky birthday girl sat at the head of the table with at least twenty other foals filling the other chairs. All sorts of colorful presents were piled atop a table right behind her, waiting to be unwrapped.

And then came the cake. All eyes, young and old, locked on it in awe, as it was being wheeled towards Ruby Pinch. It was three different cakes stacked atop each other. The largest one, forming the base, was a creamy coconut cake. The middle-sized middle cake was rum raisin, which the smallest cake, on top, incorporated pineapple and banana.

Fluttershy couldn’t take credit for the icing: Lero had gotten a true artist to work on that; and her talent showed. To look upon these cakes was like circling around an ancient urn in a museum. The biggest cake showed pirates ships sailing at sea. The middle cake showed a swordfight between two pirates. From a twelve o’clock position, you could see the red swordfighter parrying the blue one; at the one o’clock position, the red was dodging the blue fighter’s thrust, all the way until the eleven o’clock position, where the red stood victorious over the defeated blue. The last cake was a giant pile of treasure: gold and gems… especially rubies. And from a top-down bird’s eye view, was Ruby Pinch’s face, recreated with a large number of close-set rock candy ‘rubies,’ topped with six black candles, made to look like little masts, complete with miniature skull-and-crossbones mainsails.

“Happy birthday, dear Ruby…”

Before any of them could register what was happening, Gilda had shoved a small colt off his seat, so she could grab his chair. As she raised it up directly over the great dessert, Gilda spared only a single snide smile backward at Fluttershy and Rarity. Everypony screamed as the griffin swung the chair downward… everypony save Ruby Pinch, who gazed up into the pitiless intruder’s eyes with tears she never would’ve dreamed she’d be shedding at this moment in time.

The rainbow streak shot forth from behind the throng, like an arrow fired from a well-concealed archer. It caught Gilda square in the side, tackling her out of the room, the now-unheld chair clattering to the floor, cake unharmed.

* * *

The rainbow and brown streak smashed through the back door and into the backyard. Ponies shouted and screamed in alarm as tables were knocked aside and upended as the two combatants tumbled through. Rainbow Dash was slammed to the ground as Gilda spread her wings open to wing-brake, the larger surface area allowing her the leverage to do so. Dash promptly bucked the griffon in the gut, kicking her off and slamming to earth behind her.

The hell just happened!? Gilda thought to herself. Just a moment ago, she was having a grand time wracking one of the loser namby-pamby pony parties, then someone jumped her. When her eyes focused on her assailant, she almost laughed.

“You!?” She exclaimed at the rainbow-maned, cyan-pelted Pegasus pony... dressed, amusingly, in an island girl outfit. All of this was made even more comical by the fact she seemed to be moving in some sort of goofy stance. “I remember you! Vaguely, anyway. Weren’t you that wimpy mare leading a buncha ducklings down main street and rammed into me?”

“It was a family of ducks. The mamma and the pappa duck too. “ She did not sound soft or timid like the first time they met, but cold and hard. Probably trying to put up a brave face.

“Psssh, shyeah, whatever, lame-o, I remember you crying and running at the tiniest little ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAR!” She let loose her loudest bellow, expecting the pegasus to turn tail and flee.

She found herself wondering why she was suddenly doing a backflip and why her beak hurt so much.

Gilda landed in an uncomfortable heap. She straightened herself up, and blinked at the stream of crimson flowing from her nare. A quick claw touch to her beak confirmed it: she was bleeding.

"You hit me!" she cried, incensed.

"There's foals around. Keep scaring them and you'll get more of the same." The cyan pegasus replied, flatly.

A tough girl act, huh? However, the griffon knew these types too. This pegasus wouldn’t be the first jellyfish Gilda had seen suddenly grow a spine. But she’d still have a soft, gooey center under that new hard exterior. They always did.

“Nuh, weally! Ey dink yuh kwaked meh beak!” She included a nice, realistic sounding whimper at the end. Nice and pathetic, the blockhead was sure to buy it…

Bingo. A look of horror and concern spread across her little horsey face, “Oh, gosh! I’m so sorry!” Her fighting stance dropped, she moving closer, raising a hoof. “Here, let me see, I can hel...”

Bingo! Gilda grabbed her arm, flipping the pony over, slamming her into the ground. “Light’s out, dweeb!” She drew her claw back to bring down on her…

She only saw a brief flash of cyan wings before she was spiralling up into the sky, battered by a vortex of winds. What the frip!? she wondered in confusion, What the heck hit me!?

Gilda landed with a thump, immediately tangled in something... it wasn’t until the animatronic kraken’s tentacles constricted around her did she realized where she’d landed; right in the ship-shaped stage set up for the pirate show!

The damned pegasus flew up to her, an actual damned smirk on her face! “Ready to give up?”

Gilda strained against the animatronics. That’s stupid, grinning doofus! Wait, there’s some give… “Not when I can do this, loser!” She gave a pull, and with a snap, a tentacle broke loose, slamming into the pegasus, knocking her for a loop. This gave Gilda enough time to untangle herself while the musclehead attempted to regain her equilibrium.

“Tag, wimp!” Gilda cried, slashing at the distressed pegasus. A flash of red informed the griffin she’d struck home, but when she shifted to capitalize on the swipe, the lamer shifted and whirled her wings, and out of nowhere, a swirling gale of wind blasted her away!

Gilda recognized what was happening. Back when they’d hung out, she and R used to watch martial arts tournaments. Griffon versus pegasus matches tended to be the most intense. This was clearly Vortex style. Growling as she slammed into the rigging of the ship, Gilda still managed to grab hold. “How does a chicken-livered milksop like you learn martial arts!?”

The pegasus winced, touching her injured side, but then faced Gilda with an eager grin that would’ve looked much more at place on R’s face. “I had a really good teacher!”

“Well, then, bring it, Wussmaster Prime! I ain’t going down to the likes of you!” That did it; the pegasus charged. Perfect. Gilda shifted aside, letting the pony tangle herself in the riggings. Damn, this was weird, The rainbow-maned meathead was using martial arts moves like a lifelong pro, yet at the same time, she kept falling for obvious ploys. Like she was all skill, no experience.

Not that it’d stop Gilda from kicking her in the side while she was stuck.

A snapping noise and a sudden pain in her leg caused a squawk to escape Gilda’s beak. The rigging snapped away as it was cut... “Awww, crud, you know Wingblade, too!? What kinda freak are you!?”

“The kind that’s gonna kick your feathery butt!” snapped the incensed pegasus, charging Gilda in a spiral charge, a vortex of wind spiraling around her, Gilda had enough time to recognize it as a Vortex Crusher as it slammed into her chest, flinging her up into the sky.

The worst part was hearing all the stupid ponies cheering below. Followed very closely by the intense pain in her chest.

Gilda’s wings desperately sought for a grip in the air her talons instinctively reaching out to do so as well.

Surprisingly, it was her talons that found purchase first.

Cloud. Her mind registered, She grabbed ahold, pulling herself inside, hiding while she re-caught her breath, and recovered from her aching chest. A quick glance outside showed she’d shaken the pegasus off her trail. She could spot the dweebmeister stumbling, disoriented.

Guh. How is she this terrible, yet kicking my ass so hard? She lost track of me because she was got disoriented from spinning. How can she use that strong a skill and fudge up its use so bad!?

Gilda caught her breath, and readied herself… wait for the right moment, right when she’s under you. And... pounce!

She slammed into the blue pegasi with bone-rattling force, slamming her into the cloud below him, her limited griffon cloud-shaping ensuring it had force. “Gotcha!” she growled triumphantly, attempting to pin her down and start pounding her silly.

The griffon managed to only get a few blows in, before the damned slippery pegasus wormed her way out of the hold. She swung around attempting to catch her again, only for find that she’d already wrapped her hooves around her in a hold.

“Ha, that won’t work on me! I’m Gilda!” Gilda strained against the hooves; they didn’t release. “Okay, let go!” She struggled back and forth, still unable to get out. “Seriously, this is starting to piss me off!”

“I’m not letting go until you agree to leave everypony in our party alone!”

“Ha, what’ll you do if I don’t? Hurt m-Gurk!” her taunted was cut off as the pony tightened her grip. Roaring in anger, she resisting as best she could, until…

POP!

They both heard an audible pop, and intense pain shot through Gilda’s back. The pony release her in shock. “Omigosh, are you okay!?”

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, That really…” Gilda blinked. After the initial burst of pain, her back began to feel relieved, even really good. “...Good, jeez, that got knots out of my back that I didn’t even know I had!”

The doofus laughed. “Guess I used one of my bear-wrestling moves on accident. Have to pin them down to work out the kinks they get after hibernating.”

It took a few seconds to register. “Wait, you wrestle BEARS!?”

The pegasus nodded. “Yeah, part of their care and training.”

“Jeez, No wonder you’re so tough. Huh. Maybe I got you wrong, lamebo- Er… what was your name?

“Rainbow Dash.”

“You’re pretty awesome, Rainbow Dash.”

“Heh.” Rainbow rubbed the back of her head. “Thanks, I-”

“THERE SHE IS, OFFICER!” A call came up from below. Several police ponies were obvious below. Dammit, someone actually did call the cops. Worse... some of them were pegasi.

“Ah, dammit, It’s the fuzz! I gotta cheese it!!”

“Wait!” Rainbow Dash called out, seemingly alarmed.

“What, gonna tell me to turn myself in? ‘Do the right thing?’ Just when I was thinkin’ you were cool, Lamebow.”

“I... uh… Know someplace you can hide.” She nervously waved her hooves around. “I’ll give you a head start, so it looks like I’m chasing you, okay? They won’t be in as big a hurry to keep up if they think someone’s already after you, 'specially an Element of Harmony.”

...Of all the miracles in the world, this was not one Gilda was expecting. “Heh. You’re alright, RD.”

* * *

Gilda raced from the policemares, while Rainbow Dash raced after Gilda as well, and all the little foals who had been watching from ground level around Fluttershy cheered and kicked up their hooves with delight.

“Did ya see that?! Did you SEE what happened?!” asked Ruby Pinch.

“I sure did!” exclaimed Scootaloo, from right beside Fluttershy. Her little wings were almost lifting her up in the air. “I never, ever, EVER thought I’d hear these words coming out of my mouth, but… Rainbow Dash’s the COOLEST PONY EVER!”

Then, no doubt fearing that word would get back to her unicorn weathermare hero, Scootaloo backtracked, saying, “Y… you know, just for that one moment. Her time to shine.”

Rarity smiled at her protegee. “She is and awesome mare, Scootaloo, even when she’s not in a fight. Why do you think I’m herding with her?”

Scootaloo blinked at this point, and nodded. “Oh yeah! Yeah, that makes a lot of sense!”

Then Fluttershy spotted Lero, who stood looking lost for words on those two long legs of his, and decided to go over and talk to him. But Berry Punch was faster.

“Tell me that was all part of the show!” Berry hissed, in a low voice so that was meant to not be overheard by any of the foals. “That griffon punk that almost smashed a chair through my girl’s birthday cake, you’d BETTER…!”

“It was all part of the show!” The human told her. “J... just an extra stunt show set up in an advance! I mean, what’s a pirate party without a villain to fight?” Lero spiled broadly, obviously attempting to sound earnest.

Despite his smile, Fluttershy could tell Lero was lying. Pretty good odds that Berry Punch could tell too. But it was a lie Berry wanted to hear. So she turned towards her daughter and all her little friends, forcing fun-filled frivolity back onto her face.

“Heeeey there, fillies and colts! I think we’ve almost forgotten the biiiiiiig cake with candles that still need blowing out!”

At any other party, Fluttershy would’ve followed the special birthday girl and all her special birthday friends into the house to join in singing the Happy Birthday Song and cheer after the candles were blown out and taste all the different flavors of the cake! But Fluttershy found her attention focusing on the blood on the ground. Blood that nopony else was really looking at, right now.

It wasn’t a lot of blood, really. Could’ve been much worse. More likely than not, some pony would come by, later on, and quietly kick clean dirt over all that ugly little red. Griffon blood and pony blood. Blood from one of Fluttershy’s bestest friends, and the ex-best friend of one of her other bestest friends.

“Fluttershy? H-hey, Fluttershy? Where are you…?”

It was Lero who was stammering out these questions. The poor stallion was confused why she had spread out her wings. Why she was running out, leaping forward, and taking to the skies.

“Fluttershy, stop! Please stop! Come back!”

Fluttershy felt so, terribly, awfully, horribly sorry for Lero. But as the poor human stallion ran underneath her, yelling at her to stop and come back, it was all Fluttershy could do to beat her wings quicker and quicker, until the whooshing of air running past her could drown out Lero’s fading voice. Partying didn’t matter to Fluttershy. Not right now. She needed to find both Gilda and Rainbow Dash, wherever they had flown off to. If she had to search and search until long after midnight to find them, then so be it.

* * *

“...Then after I blew my whistle and the big gangster pony knocks it out of my mouth, she says, ‘there’s no way that’s going to help you know, the doors and windows are shut!’ But then I go, ‘yeaaah, but you didn’t reinforce the floor!’ And that’s when my Quarray Eel friend came out from right underneath her hooves!”

Gilda let her lower beak drop. “No. Flapping. Waaaaaay.”

“Yes. Flapping. Way,” the animal trainer said, mimicking Gilda’s voice in a way that would’ve seriously iced the griffon’s primaries any other day of the year.

“I mean, taming bears and stuff I can almost buy, cuz they do that in circuses and junk, but a Quarray eel? Dag spanky, girl! Howzat even DONE?!”

The pegasus across the table smirked like a mascot for a new brand of soda pop. “Trade secret.”

Gilda had no idea why, but for some reason, it almost seemed like this ‘Rainbow Dash’ was transforming into a bolder and boastful pony the longer she spent in her presence. Had to be all that A-grade shwanginess Gilda was giving off like heat from a bonfire. Yeah, Dasherino was totally sponging her bodaciousness up like… like… what was that mondo-dweeby word her old science teacher used? Osmose? Osmic? Osmometry? Osmidrosis?

“Far out, lion scout. I just GOTTA come over to your pad sometime! See all these animals of yours!”

Dash smile grew a little. “This kinda is my pad already, G...” she said, spreading her arms out at the dusty old library they were sitting in. Honestly, Gilda woulda rather had this happen at a decent bar or something… but it was kinda brilliant of the Dashster to hide her from the cops in the one place she’d never actually set paw or talon in otherwise.

“...But I know what you mean. And I think I’d like that. Just so happens that I got all them all in my old place, right next door.” Here, Dash glanced out a window at a very grandmotherly-looking cottage place, just outside. “Had the little scamps drag it out from where it used to be, right next to the Everfree Forest.”

“N-no way! That was YOU?!” Gilda had heard all sorts of talk from the local yokels about a small army of animals dragging a house through town…

“Um… hi,” said a small, meek voice from the front door.

Gilda looked over. Fluttershy had let herself in through the front door. “Oh, it’s you. How’d you find us, lamestain?”

Choosing not to see the giant stinkeye Dash shot her, (ponies were just SO hung up on their stupid pony friends all the time,) Gilda rolled her eyes at her own sweet self for forgetting how the Flutterdingus operated. Chyeah, she’d tried everything she could think of to shake that yellow wastoid off her tail back on that day, but she kept seeming to find them, like some psychic or something.

“You and Dash were bleeding. You’re still bleeding.” Gilda looked down at herself and her new homie.

“Awwwww… bogus,” Gilda sighed. Dang if the doofus wasn’t right: their cuts still hadn’t closed.

“I don’t believe this!” Rainbow Dash cried, looking over at Gilda. “You were bleeding all this time, and I didn’t even notice?”

“Here, let me help.” Fluttershy piped up.

In the middle of following Gilda and Rainbow Dash’s trail of blood, it had occurred to Fluttershy that it might do good to pick up a first aid kit. Good thing she’d listened to that thought!

“It’s just a little cut! I can take care of it on my own time.” Gilda squawked as Fluttershy began putting iodine over the cuts. The griffon looked like she wanted to do a lot more than yell at her… only Rainbow Dash was giving her a very forbidding stare. “Geeze, don’t you have a party to be at or something?”

“Ruby Pinch’s and Berry Punch’s birthday will go on fine without me.” She let out a small sigh. “For whatever it’s worth, I don’t think you’ve done any irreparable damage, Gilda…”

She’d done what she could for Gilda. She moved onto Rainbow Dash.

“...All the other guests will laugh and sing and dance and eat… and Herd Bellerophon’s got everything under control.”

“Fluttershy! C… c’mon, this party…” Rainbow Dash dipped her head. Fluttershy could see much of her trademark shyness reasserting itself. “This party, well, um, I mean… this party was thrown for you.”

Fluttershy dropped the gauze she was holding. Rainbow was right… whole party was for her own sake. Even Berry Punch agreeing to let her help with the party had been an act of charity on her part. What was wrong with her? How could she have forgotten? Now she felt worse that ever!

“Fluttershy!” came a familiar voice.

“There you are, Fluttershy, dear!” came another.

Rarity and Twilight stepped into their library. Through the closing door, Fluttershy was able to spot the cloud platform they’d rode in on. The two unicorns took a second just to take in the scene before them: the two fighters who’d caused such a violent scene, sitting across from each other casually at a table, and Fluttershy tending their wounds.

“What’s…?!” They started together.

“Barf me out the door!” Gilda suddenly spat, cutting them off, looking angrily at them, Rarity especially. “Seriously, what the flaming flying flamingo flock?! The whole flappin’ party being relocated over here or what?!”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m really, really sorry!” How Fluttershy wished she could’ve said this without her eyes leaking like this. But the tears were coming now, and there was no way to un-cry them.

“This is all my fault! You guys arranged this whole party for me because I’m so pathetic! But then… but then Gilda came and made a mess of things and got into a fight with poor Rainbow Dash. Because of me! Gilda did all that only because she was so upset at losing Rarity’s friendship! If not for me being a big nosy, pushy intrusivepants, Gilda and Rarity would still be friends today! But when I saw how Dash was bleeding… I just HAD to come out here to try and patch things up… but I had to leave the party, and now you’re all upset with me, and all I ever wanted was for everyone to be happy together and nice to one another and LAUGH! But I can’t do ANY of that, especially not the laughter! Comedy’s not just hard, it’s IMPOSSIBLE!”

Twilight Sparkle moved over to the poor, distressed, mixed-up pegasus, and said no words, just hugged her tightly. Only holding onto the Swapped Pony with consoling tenderness, listening to her crying. At some points, it came out a loud wet bawl, like how Pinkie Pie’s used to be. Other times, it with softer and more whimpery, like her old self. Twilight felt so horrible for both portions of her friends’ divided, forced-together souls.

She looked up at the sound of a hoof shyly scraping the floor. To her surprise, it wasn’t Rainbow Dash who was doing it. It was Rarity, looking down at some dusty crack in the floor. Gilda was looking away as well. Between them both, and all of Fluttershy’s crying, a good deal of hot, fiery animosity had died down. Abashment seemed to have taken its place.

The griffon finally spoke up her voice, oddly, sounded a bit softer and less gruff. “Y...y’know, R, it’s not like I hate ponies or anything. It’s just… I guess… I dunno, that day I came by your place to visit you… I wanted you all to myself, y’know? That was supposed to be our time. Didn’t wanna share you with some other friend.”

“Maybe I should’ve been a bit more... perceptive and attuned to your feelings, G,” Rarity said. “Fluttershy’s just such a fun, wonderful pony, I’d was sure you’d come to love her as a friend just as quickly as I did.”

“But friendships are special things!” Gilda retorted, with a shadow of her old belligerence. She was finally looking at Rarity straight in the eye again. “Friendships are meaningful. They’re deep. You don’t pass out friendships to just anyone, like… like they’re party invitations! That’s why you’re the one and only friend I’ve ever had in my life.”

Rarity stared at Gilda as though the griffin had just finished quoting a passage from a myrmecology textbook, verbatim.

“Do you even hear the way you sound, Gilda? ‘The one and only friend I’ve ever had in my life?’ Listening to you right now, I feel like I’m listening to my own sweet Lero, whenever he talks about all the widespread monogamy on the human world of Earth!”

Twilight watched Gilda blink in surprise.

“...Even if that was how things worked here,” Rarity continued, “Even if monogamy was the way of our world, this is friendship we’re talking about, not matrimony!”

That was definitely a cringe on the griffin’s beaky face.

“...If being an Element Of Harmony has taught me anything, Gilda, it’s this; you’re not supposed to be miserly about making friends! That’s the exact opposite of how friendship works! Yes, some friendships you form are inevitably going to be deeper and more meaningful than others. All the same, you’re supposed to make as many friends as you conceivably can! That’s the real beauty of friendship!”

“Gilda’s friends with me,” Rainbow Dash spoke up.

Everyone looked over at the rainbow-maned pegasus. “Really?” Rarity asked Gilda.

“Um… yeah, I guess, kinda…” Gilda said, scratching uncertainly at her fringe.

“Well… maybe there’s hope for you yet, then.” She held out a hoof. “What do you say, G? Up to giving me another chance?”

There were a few moments where Gilda was visually stunned, before she puffed out her chest feathers. “Way to keep it real, Rarity.”

And the griffin’s fist bumped the pony’s hoof.

“You and me and all our other friends against the world!” said Gilda.

“...Well, close enough.” she smiled.

It was a flimsy sort of repair. One that could snap apart at the smallest provocation. But it seemed Gilda and Rarity were now back on good terms with each other. Fluttershy smiled with tearful happiness at the sight of the mended friendship. This did not go unnoticed by Twilight.

“Fluttershy, you… you're really such a kind pony, you know that? Amazingly, incredibly kind.”

Fluttershy’s reaction to this intrigued Twilight thoroughly. “...Kind?” she repeated, with the gaping stare of a pony watching her bag of groceries transform into a portal to another dimension. Without Discord’s help.

“Well... I dunno if I’d go THAT far,” said Gilda the griffon, with a flick of her wrist. “I mean, she’s kinda bubbly ‘n’ friendly and stuff, but Shyster’s really more of a joker than anything else. Real dyed-in-the-wool chuckle junkie, if ever I saw one.”

“Then it’s clear you’ve really never understood my friend’s humor!” Those words had pretty much jumped out from Twilight’s mouth without her planning on them being there. Like an improv actress blurting out the first words that came to mind.

“What’s there to understand?” Gilda retorted, but Rarity and Rainbow Dash also looked curious. Fluttershy was listening to Twilight more intently than anyone else in the room. Twilight couldn’t just improv this blindly any more. But she thought… no, knew, somehow, that she was on the right track, that this was important, somehow.

Kind… Kindness… Kind… Kindness… Laughter… Pinkie Pie… Fluttershy… What was the connection? Twilight felt like some comedian, given a feather, a cupcake, and some other odds and ends, and told to create a joke from them. Kind… Kindness… Kind… Kindness… Fluttershy… Pinkie Pie… but both of their Unswapped selves were kindhearted ponies in their own right…

For a second, Twilight Sparkle’s eyes widened just as large as Fluttershy’s, before she mellowed her expression down. She saw a connection now. And what a connection it was!

“If you don’t mind, Gilda, I’d like to answer that by telling you a quick little story. That okay?”

Shrugging, Gilda slouched down into a ‘cool girl’ posture. “Yeah, sure, whatever.” Thirty years down the road, some chiropractor would surely net quite a fun island vacation for herself, if Gilda kept slouching in chairs like that.

“I’ll never forget the day I first came here to Ponyville. I was brought in on a sky chariot. It was a nice sunny day, but I was feeling pretty crabby inside. I didn’t actually want to be Ponyville, but I wasn’t going to be a whiny little filly about it either. And who should the very first pony I ran into be, the moment I stepped off my chariot… but this pink-maned mare with a sweet little smile. I said ‘hello.’ And she made this weird little startled sound and then suddenly skedaddled.”

Rarity laughed, and so did Gilda. Even Rainbow Dash chuckled softly a bit. Fluttershy wasn’t even distracted.

“It was strange, but I just more or less put it out of my mind and spent the whole day going around town, meeting all sorts of new ponies. When it was getting late, I went home. But when I opened my door, I found, to my amazement, a lot more ponies who were all throwing me a big surprise party.”

“Led by Fluttershy,” Gilda guessed flatly, whirling her finger in the air in false elation.

Twilight smiled gently, and nodded. “Led by the same pink-maned mare I’d first met in Ponyville. She explained to me that she’d done this because I was new and she didn’t want me to feel lonely or anything so she set this party up so I’d have friends.”

“Hmm. Well, I wouldn’t s…” The griffon started.

“Think about all that, for a second, please?” Twilight asked Gilda. “I was a complete stranger to her at the time. First day in Ponyville. Only got to say one word to her. She didn’t even know my name. And yet her first worry was that I’d feel alone and friendless and unwelcome. So to fix that, she rushed to arrange this big surprise party for me, so I’d have lots and lots of friends. And wanna know something else? She will do this for anypony, Gilda. At any time. Heck, she even did it for you, in case you forgot, even when you were mean to her and her friends. Why? Because she is just that sweet-natured and kind.”

Glancing to her side, Twilight witnessed a huge shiver run throughout the whole of Fluttershy’s coat.

“Yeah?” Gilda snorted through the nares on her beak. “Well, those pranks she pulled on me at MY party didn’t feel kind! Like that joy buzzer? The dribble glass? Or that hot sauce…!”

Gilda stopped at Twilight’s laugh. “She actually played the hot sauce trick on me at my own party! And I won’t lie, it really WAS a tongue-scorcher!”

“Gilda? Just a reminder… Those pranks were mine.” Interjected Rarity. “Fluttershy was entirely innocent, she just wanted you to feel welcome and have fun with us... The pranks was supposed to be fun, too, like the stuff we used to always do to each other. I suppose it was my fault again, for not realizing how upset you were feeling then.”

Gilda’s thoughtful expression told Twilight that she never saw it this way before.

“Comedy really is a funny little subject, isn’t it?” she asked the griffon. “Some comedians and clowns simply don’t care what they use for material. Whether dark, cynical, crude or cruel, inappropriate, or just plain idiotic.”

The griffon bristled as though sensing a personal dig. “What’s the matter? You too good for those kinda jokes or something?!”

“Not at all,” the purple unicorn answered. “That type of comedy does have its place in the world. But Fluttershy’s never been like that. Her humor’s always focused on joining others together. Sharing joy. Strengthening bonds.”

Twilight applied a gentle tug of telekinetic magic on Fluttershy’s body, pulling the yellow pegasus up against herself. Placing her arm around the Swapped pony’s shoulder, she smiled at her with fond pride.

“That’s what makes my friend so special. All the Laughter she’s always anxious to share? That’s just how she expresses the bottomless reservoirs of Kindness, deep within her heart.”

* * *

“Wow. When you put it that way, Twilight... makes me feel like one lousy Element of Kindness.”

“Now, now, you shouldn’t take it so personally, Rainbow,” Rarity told her. “There’s more than one way to be kind.”

There were more words, but they washed over the yellow pegasus like the twittering of faraway birds. Fluttershy was deep, deep, deep in thought about that big day, years ago, when she and Twilight had first met. Only her attention was zeroed down on one single aspect of that memory: the emotions that’d been driving her. Doing that was kind of weird. Like sitting in a chair and watching a movie with the volume shut off. Or sitting in a chair and facing the opposite wall while listening to the movie.

Curiosity upon spotting that chariot from almost mile away; the surer she grew that it’d be landing in Ponyville, the harder she’d worked her wings. Gladness at seeing somepony new, face-to-face, especially one with such nice manners about her! Hope that she could make her feel welcome. Shock as she realized that this poor, poor mare had NO FRIENDS in Ponyville! NONE! Well, yes, there was herself, that went without saying.

But when you were all alone, who’d want to make just one friend in a day, when it was possible to make a whole town of friends in the same day? That’d be like being lost and starving in the forest and picking just a single berry off the berry bush! And Fluttershy knew no faster way for a pony to make the most friends in the shortest time than through parties.

Resolve had come next, as she’d flown from neighbor’s door to neighbor’s door, entreating them to drop whatever plans they had for that night, and instead be part of yet another party she was throwing for a complete stranger. Focus had been needed, as she diligently worked herself: baking, decorating, buying… working speedily through the day without rushing into sloppiness.

Ponies often accused Fluttershy of being lazy, immature, and frivolous with all the parties she threw. But it was easy to forget how much work went into parties when you weren’t behind-the-scenes. Yes, Fluttershy enjoyed playing games and eating cake and dancing the night away, but creators ought to enjoy the fruits of their labors, oughtn’t they? Ponies often confused attending many parties with arranging many parties. It was about the same difference as watching many award-winning musicals versus creating many award-winning musicals.

And much like a creator of musicals, Fluttershy had her share of both hits and flops in her party oeuvre. In the end, Twilight Sparkle’s first party had been a teensy bit on the flop-side, what with Twilight locking herself up in her room and refusing to interact with her guests for nearly the whole shebang. But now Fluttershy was able to remember why she’d done it all in the first place. Because newcomers ought to feel welcomed when they came to someplace new.

And from Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy’s memories jumped further back to the very, very, very FIRST party she’d ever thrown. Because of the joy she’d felt at the sight of a beautiful rainbow. Because of the need she felt to share that joy with the most precious ponies she knew. Her family. The Pies. Daring to hope that it would shake them out of their lifelong dismalness, even for a hour. What a kind and thoughtful deed she’d done. And her incredible success she’d had with Ma and Pa and Marble and Limestone and Maud had been what had set her life’s course and made her cutie mark appear.

SO WHEN EXACTLY HAD SHE LOST SIGHT OF ALL THAT?

Fluttershy couldn’t rightly say. But for these past few months… she really hadn’t been kind. She hadn’t been thoughtful. Nothing whatsoever like the pony Twilight Sparkle had just described to Gilda. Like she’d suddenly transformed into a completely different pony overnight or something. A cheap copycat of her own self. As good as some watered-down cash-in sequel movie made by a director who really didn’t get what made the first film great.

All her dumb, stupid, self-centered focus on jokes. Limp giggles and cheap gags… that’s what she’d been obsessing over! Anything for a laugh. How selfish and needy she’d been. Insensitive to others’ feelings and pain. How had anypony even been able to stand her? Especially her friends, with all she’d put them through?! Fluttershy felt like she could cry forever…

‘Don’t you see you can be a better pony now that you’ve realized your mistake?’

This was a voice Fluttershy heard in her mind. It sounded like... her own. A friendly voice which Fluttershy felt she’d like to get to know better. Almost kinda felt like it was speaking from a deep, far-off, long-forgotten place within herself.

‘But what can I do to fix this?’ she asked it.

No response. Then again, maybe the answer had already been given: be a better pony now. If she had been unkind, then the first thing to do was start being kind. Starting, most importantly, with herself. ...Felt kinda tingly!

Twilight really was right. She’d panicked after hitting something of a humor slump, and overcompensated for fear of no longer being qualified to bear the Element of Laughter. Lero had been able to help improve her technique a bit with all his coaching. But it’d never really been about being the most hilarious wisecracker in the room, had it? What mattered was uniting others through the marvelous miracle of mirth. Forming new bonds and strengthening old ones. The Bearer Of Laughter SHOULD be that kind of a kindhearted pony. Otherwise Laughter wouldn’t properly be an Element of HARMONY, would it?

Throughout Fluttershy’s uncharacteristically long and introspective silence, (mostly unnoticed by the others in the room, who were all chatting between themselves)… Twilight Sparkle had been keeping a discreet eye on her friend’s flank. And then she watched the phenomenon happen with her own eyes.

The Balloon Mark faded briefly on the pegasus’ body, coming just shy of vanishing altogether, before returning right back. Exactly how Lero had described.

* * *

“You see this cut on my ear!” The pony who’d just said this to Lero this was a very frightful-looking earth pony stallion. And not just because he was some actor wearing the costume of some oceans-roving marauder. More because he was very muscular and genuinely angry. Apparently, the fight had pushed the tensions to the point they weren’t willing to keep up a professional veneer. “You can see the cut, Mister M! I got from when I fell down after that griffon broad knocked me down!”

“L-look!” said Lero, holding up his hands, “My girl Twilight is pretty talented with healing spells, just wait for her to get back...”

“It ain’t about that!” snapped the earth pony.

“...It ain’t?” Lero responded reflexively.

“Naw, it ain’t!” cut in one of the others; the mare playing Cap’n Mizzenmast, herself. They’d all cornered Lero in this small little room; all the actors. “Broken Legs, over there, overheard you talkin’ to Miss Punch about how that crazy griffon doll was ‘just an extra stunt show set up in an advance!’ Ain’t that right, Broke?”

“Yeah, that’s right! Heard it loud and clear!” said Broken Legs.

“Thing is, though… I would’ve remembered there being a griffon listed on our call sheet, the morning,” said Cap’n Mizzenmast.

“Uh… well... Gilda wasn’t actually an actress or anything! She was just a... uh… well… um...“ He trailed off, stammering.

“Blanked out on your lines, did ya?” asked the muscular earth pony. “So which of us are you lying to, Mr. Human? Us? Or the lady of the house?” Accusation obvious in his tone.

Scowling as they were, dressed as brigands of the sea, the human almost felt like he was about to be carved up into chum. It suddenly felt very soggy and itchy under the do-rag on his head.

“You know,” he said, “It suddenly struck me that all of you are such a fine troupe of performers, that you all deserve bonus checks right here and now!”

“What a smart thing for you to say,” said Cap’n Mizzenmast. Pretty much all the other actors shared the stony look on her face.

“And I promise you all; you won’t need to worry about any other surprises. Please just… let me through.” They made way for Lero, his arms slumping defeatedly to the sides of his ridiculous costume pantaloons. “Wait right here. I left my checkbook with my real pair of pants.”

“Go ahead and fetch it. We won’t be moving from this spot until you do.” They still glaring at him as he turns to leave.

None of the other actors contradicted Cap’n Mizzenmast, as they watched the human turn the corner before the mare behind Broken Legs asked, “Do you think the thing with that griffon really was an extra stunt show? Or just some crazy gatecrasher?”

“Stunt show,” answered the other pony. “Definitely a stunt show. Moves were too well choreographed.”

“Yeah!” said a tall blue-coated one. “Remember that rainbow-tailed girl who fought the griffon? She’s part of Mr. Two-Legs’ herd, ain’t she? Bet you anything Miss Rainbow Tail herself got bit by the acting bug, then brushed up on all her best Vortex moves, before pulling this off!”

“But why keep us in the dark about it, then?”

“Added realism,” said her friend, darkly. “Just like that one sociopath of a director I told you about, remember? The one who locked me in a sauna for three hours and filmed it all? When the regular guests and the actors are all equally shocked, really raises the drama, doesn’t it? And since Sundance is part of the party… I’m thinking this whole birthday is just one big martial arts superstar audition!”

“She wants to be the next Graceful Crane!”

“Do you want to know what galls me most?” asked the actress playing Cap’n Mizzenmast. “That mother. I mean… I know she sells alcohol for her job, but what a weasel! Did you see how those barrels were marked? The beer bottles they use as cups? All those drunken sea shanties she makes us sing? Wonder why she doesn’t just quit trying to be subliminal about it and pour her stinkin’ hooch straight down their little underaged throats?”

“Bite your tongue!” said the muscular earth pony. “But that said, I’ll tell you one thing; I would never let my own colt within five miles of…!”

“Ohhhh, WOW!” All the actors looked over and saw that weird yellow pegasus jokester standing in the door. “Wow, wow, WOW! I thought I recognized all of you! I just realized where I remembered you guys from! Now you’re all together in the same room! Can I have all your autographs? Please, please, please?” She spoke very fast through a pen and a book clamped in her jaw, until she spotted a small table in the room that she was able to set these things down on. Flipping past several pages full of signatures, she came to a blank page, and looked up to the actor closest to her with a delighted gasp.

“You! You’re Spaghetti West!”

“That… yeah, that’s right,” said Spaghetti West, who hadn’t been expecting any recognition.

“I remember you from The Snail That Ate Equestria!” Fluttershy told him. “Would you sign my autograph book, Mr. West? Date it too, if you please.”

Spaghetti West went ahead, taking the pen in his mouth and writing in today’s date and his name. Fluttershy thanked him and then looked over at the next actor.

“Oh my goodness! Broken Legs!”

“You know me?” asked Broken Legs.

“Of course!” said Fluttershy. “You were in Unexpected Expectations 2!”

“Heh… yeah,” laughed the stallion, “for about nine seconds of screen time!”

“But it was such an amazing nine seconds! You totally stole that scene!” Fluttershy insisted.

“Oooh…we’d best watch ourselves, everypony!” one of the other actors, further back, joked. “We got a real cinephile in our midst!”

Some of the other actors smiled, some rolled their eyes, but even the eye-rolled seemed pleased by the attention Fluttershy was giving them. The yellow pegasus then gave a nervous sort of swallow. “Could you… would you say the line from that again, Mr. Legs? Pretty please?”

A guilty-looking smile wormed its way up Broken Legs’ face, before he adapted a disaffected attitude. “Vhatever. Dat vas not MY schnitzel anyvay, schweinhund!”

Several of the other actors giggled at the sheer corniness of his Germane accent. He very gladly put his name into Fluttershy’s autograph book.

“And you I remember from…” Fluttershy frowned a bit at the green-coated mare now she had now turned towards. “...from, uh…”

“I’m not from anything,” this mare informed her. “Done some theater, but I’m very new to the feature film scene. Haven’t had a chance to be part of any movie production yet.”

To the entire troupe’s astonishment, Fluttershy’s eyes only shown with ever more starstruck light at hearing this. As though learning that a lovely necklace she’d thought to be stainless steel was actually sterling silver.

“Ohmygosh, ohmyGOSH!” Fluttershy breathed. “Then I have to get your autograph!”

“Er… okay…”

As the green-coated mare wrote down the name ‘Panorama’ and the date, the actress playing Cap’n Mizzenmast tromped up to Fluttershy with a scowl. “Okay, what is this? More of your stupid humor?”

“I’m not sure what you mean by that, Miss Roadshow,” answered Fluttershy, startling ‘Cap’n Mizzenmast’ with knowing her real name. Before her current breakout role, she was an unknown, and even big fans tended to refer to her by her character’s name.

Roadshow narrowed her eyes at this, smiled coldly, suspecting they were being buttered up. “This whole time we’ve been setting this party up, you’ve haven’t really done anything to try to get to know us, unless cracking those jokes of yours is supposed to count somehow. Now, all of a sudden, you’re being all palsy-walsy?”

Fluttershy sat down. “It took me a while to remember who each of you were, and which movies I’ve seen you from. I’m actually super-good at learning lots and lots of ponies’ names. I never really forget any name, even if I’ve seen it just once! And nopony deserves to be forgotten. That’s why I always sit through the credits at the end of movies. I’ve always been that way!”

“Please! Even if you’re the biggest film nerd to’ve ever been born, we’re nothing but a bunch of extras! Background characters!” All around her, Roadshow’s fellow performers were hanging their heads or scowling in frustration and shame. “Not like Sundance would send her A-listers for some dumb filly’s birthday… why are you smiling, you crazy yellow birdbrain?!”

“Because I’m just so excited about collecting all your autographs before you’re all A-listers yourselves! Y’know, you’ll all be so rich and famous, that you’ll come to hate signing stuff. So it makes sense that I get all your autographs while autographs are still a new, fresh and exciting thing for you. I mean…”

And Fluttershy sidled up next to Panorama while flipping open her autograph book.

“I got The Panorama’s autograph before she even performed in her first movie! She dated it for me and everything! How cool is that?! Do you guys know how valuable this is gonna be in a couple years? Not that I’d ever sell it, it reminds me of the time we met!”

Panorama, herself, blushed a bright pink, while all the other ponies -- these movie extras who’d been pressed into performing for a birthday party -- stared. Transfixed, because Fluttershy had touched upon a nerve they all shared: the desperate dream of stardom that had brought them all together here. Until the silence was finally broken by somewhat nervous laughter from Spaghetti West.

“Ha ha ha… you sound so certain of yourself when you say that, miss. Almost like you just came back from the future in a time machine…”

“A time machine?” Fluttershy shook her head. “Why would I need a time machine? It couldn’t be more obvious right here and now that you’re all gonna be big stars.”

“Don’t patronize us!” Roadshow nearly snarled, looking ready to do even worse than Gilda had tried to do.

Fluttershy’s smile only softened to a faint thing. But it was there. Strong with faith and conviction.

“None of you are gonna be small actors forever,” she told them all. “Just like all the little colts and fillies at this party won’t be small foals forever. You’re all going to grow and grow much bigger! Beyond anything anypony would’ve ever expected! And someday, when these very colts and fillies are all grownups themselves, they’ll point to the posters of the blockbusters you’ll be starring in. And they’ll tell their foals, ‘I knew those ponies.’ And the foals will be all ‘No WAY!’ but they’ll be all, ‘YES, way! I saw them performing live, when they were just starting out! Coolest pirates ever.”

* * *

The checkbook wasn’t in Lero’s old pants. The checkbook wasn’t in the bag he’d stowed his pants in. It wasn’t in the room he’d left the bag that contained his pants. And Lero was careful about looking. While he searched, lifting sofa cushions and pushing sofas, his mind cast back to something he’d seen just a few rooms away; Spike crouched in a corner, unhappily hugging himself. Lero would have liked nothing more than to go over and try and do something to cheer the little dragon back up. But it was all he could do to hurry past and overhear his little brother’s quavering, distraught realization; “With Fluttershy gone... Applejack won’t...’”

These rotten actors had to come first. They’d gone on strike, and if he didn’t fatten their wallets, guests would notice. Then this whole birthday party would be further down the sinkhole than it already was. Gilda tearing the place apart and scaring everypony had been appalling enough. But now Lero had needed to remind himself that he’d dealt with much worser things that this, like glufferflorks and Sicklefins. Fluttershy had just flown off from the huge expensive party that was supposed to bring her equilibrium, nothing more! Thing could be vastly worse. After all, nobody had died! Twilight and Rarity would surely find Fluttershy and bring her back before the party ended, and everything would be fine, fine, fine! As long as there was life, there was hope, of course!

And if worst comes to worst, three Swapped Ponies out of five is still pretty good, right?

At the very least, he had to keep the party going for Berry and Ruby’s sakes, even if Fluttershy was a complete bust. They didn’t deserve to have their big special day go down in flames, just because his goals weren’t going well. It was all on him, he had promised. He was the stallion, after all. The pillar who held the rest up. The lynchpin who held the rest together. Just needed to keep it together and things wouldn’t fall further apart and no one would hate him and goddammit, where was that stupid checkbook?! Felt like he’d been searching for it for an hour now…!

Oh. Here it was. Right in the front pocket of the pirate pantaloons he was wearing. Yes. He was a giant idiot.

Feeling wobbly and shaken, Lero started back to the room where the actors had been gathered. He startled at what had seemed to be a flash of pink and yellow… but when he looked about, he didn’t see anything- except Spike was now gone. He shook his head, confused, but continued outside… He stopped short when he found the spot in the yard he’d left them to be empty. No actors?! Had they all just up and left?! He hadn’t taken that long finding his checkbook! Repressing a foul string of profanity, he hurried into the main party hall… which he discovered to be only slightly less abandoned than the actors’ room had been.

“Hey! W-where is everypony?” he asked the two mares still hanging around the snack tables. One of them pointed towards the right before returning to gorging herself on cookies.

Lero went right. He was starting to hear a lot of voices. A lot of noises. It seemed to be all coming from…

...the backyard.

“First row of cannons… fire!” bellowed Spaghetti West. A trio of the other pirate actor lit a trio of fuses: BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Lero was momentarily shocked until he realized that nothing had actually come out of the cannons except smoke and bright flashes. Even the loud booms hadn’t quite matched up with the cannon blasts; they’d probably been supplied by some foley artist.

“Scupper me boatswain, Captain!” cried Panorama, who seemed to be playing a first mate. “Our cannon balls have jest bounced offa thar hull! We bein’ boarded!”

“Aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggghh!” cried Spaghetti West. “Look alive, ye scabrous rats!”

And in they rushed from ‘stage right,’ (for lack of a better term.) A few costumed adults, but all the young foals who were Ruby Pinch’s age, including Spike and Ruby, herself.

Spike… Spike had taken off that ‘carny boy’ outfit AJ had made for him, and was wearing the swashbuckling pirate lad outfit. If Spike was still heartbroken over Applejack not being here, he was doing one damn fine job of hiding it; because that was one cocky smirk! He and all the other children had their blades drawn: made of plastic and yellow foam and bright pink balloons.

“Rudder me crow’s nest!” the evil pirate captain swore with a fearsome stamp. “Tis that rotten li'l sea urchin: Cap’n Ruby Pinch and her Foal Flotilla!”

“Avast! Tis I, Ruby the Redstained!” proclaimed Ruby adorably, in her high, squeaky voice. “I want yer gold coins and booty!”

“Somehow, I be doubtin’ ye be stained HALF as red as Captain Bloodhoof, little Ruby!” laughed Spaghetti West evilly. “This cutlass o’ mine has slaughtered countless foul whelps like yeself! Our ship has ransacked thousands of villages! I’m feared across every ocean, sea, bay, quay, wharf, river and puddle! I am also known for killing everything I see!”

“Then why don’t ye go look in a mirror, ya great ugly cuttlefish?”

She swung onto the scene like Tarzan on his vine, clenching the rope in her teeth until it was time to release it, and landed action heroine-style: Cap’n Mizzenmast, as enthusiastically portrayed by Roadshow the actress.

“Methinks we’ll be taking back all of Ruby’s rubies ya helped yerself to!” said Mizzenmast, pointing her sword tip at a giant treasure chest just behind Bloodhoof.

Captain Bloodhoof finally drew his own weapon. “Yarrrrrr, ye won’t be gettin’ the treasure so easily as that! I’ll hang ya by the yardarms! I’ll make ye walk the plank! I’ll send ye to the bleakest, blackest bowels of the bottomless briny blue!”

“Don’t be so sure!” retorted the pirate heroine, turning to the kid dragon. “Mr. Spike? A smokescreen, if you please!”

“Aye-aye, Cap’n Mizzenmast!” answered Spike, with a deep inhale.

Spike was a dragon with excellent control of his breath. Mailing fire, incendiary fire, harmless smoke... he never had problems switching between any of them. But he was still far too small of a dragon to produce this much smoke! There had to be some specially-placed smoke machine, or a unicorn stagehand casting a spell, for it covered nearly the entire backyard!

And through the concealment of the stage smoke came the cartoonish yipes and yowls of a thuggish pirate crew getting their flanks handed to them by colts and fillies not yet out of elementary school. Armed with toys. And all around Lero, the parents in the audience were just eating it all up; laughing and laughing and laughing fit to burst!

What was going on?! Lero happened to spot a couple actors nearby, who weren’t part of this production, and he quietly sidled over to where they were, asking them.

“Puttin’ on a show, like were were hired to.” The actor replied.

Lero frowned slightly. “Uh, I finally found my checkbook,” he whispered. “What do you think would be a fair amount?”

He wondered why they started trading such uncomfortable looks.

“Listen, Mr. M,” began the muscular actor, “it’s okay. You’re already paying me more than enough, I don’t need any more.”

Before Lero could even say ‘Huh?’, the orange-maned actress beside him added, “Yeah, I mean, we’re all here for the little foals’ sake, aren’t we?”

Lero was left more flummoxed than ever.

First these actors demanded more money, then suddenly, they were okay? Could he even trust what they were saying at face value? They were actors, after all. Fakers. Pretenders. What if they had cooked up some mean-spirited plan, and this show of niceness was just a setup? He had to watch them carefully, he couldn’t let his guard down, he couldn’t risk any…!

“You’re doing it wrong, you know.” When had Fluttershy gotten to his side so quickly?! He hadn’t even heard her wings flap, it was like she’d teleported or something!

“Wrong?” he repeated, trying to hide his surprise.

“You’re trying your best to make this party perfect,” Fluttershy stated, matter-of-factly. “But you’ve gotten high-strung, Lero. Completely stressed out too, and worst of all, you’re not enjoying yourself. Guests want to see that the ones hosting the party are having the most fun of all! Otherwise, it’s like having to read a book authored by somepony who never wanted to write it!”

“I…”

“Don’t feel bad, though. It’s an easy thing to forget. Take it from somepony who’s been there.” Then Fluttershy spread her wings out. “Just relax and enjoy my show.”

As Lero quieted down beside the yellow pegasus, watching the performance finish with Ruby Pinch open up her giant chest of rubies beside Cap’n Mizzenmast to thunderous applause, all while all of Bloodhoof’s pirates walked the plank… it occurred to him that Fluttershy hadn’t even tried to say anything remotely comedic. Then a voice behind him called his name: “Lero!”

It was Twilight. She trotted forward, and he opened his arms to receive her. She was smiling with a pride in herself he hadn’t seen in far too long.

“Four down, one to go,” Twilight Sparkle whispered into her human stallion’s ear.

And Lero Michealides laughed.

Author's Note

This one was a LONG time in coming, for many reasons. I'd moved to a new state, adjusted to a new job, and had to research a LOT about parties, in order to properly elevate this one above "generic cake and candles."

Lots of thanks, once again, to all my editing team: Bad Wolf, Spinel Stride, and Rikmach, especially.

And huge thanks to all of you, my patient readers. I hope you liked this one.