I smile to myself as I go deeper.

I've always loved swimming. It's the one thing that's made me feel completely calm...

Ever since I was a young boy, I've been coming to this pool, and I've always been trying to get to the bottom: an impressive twenty four feet down. Yeah, maybe a bit over the top, but I'm a professional swimmer: there's no way I can't hold my breath for that long.

Eventually, I do it: I touch the bottom of the pool. I grin to myself, and wince as my lungs send yet another distress signal. I turn, and push off of the floor.

However, I quickly find that I collide with a wall of concrete.

I open my eyes, and find that water has flooded my goggles. Hold on...my goggles have completely fallen off.

Shit, I'll have to get those later...

I try to look for the surface, but I can't see it. So, I let science do the work: I shut my eyes and relax my body, and allow myself to float towards the top. For a moment, I think it's working, until I get a searing burst of pain from my lungs that force me to take a gasp of-

Air?

I open my eyes again, and find that I'm no longer underwater. So...it worked?

But...if it worked...

Why can't I see anything?

I take a few more deep breaths, my lungs gratuitous for the air. I spin around, and all I see is black.

This is confusing, to say the-

There! I kick towards the newly found speck of light, surprised that I'm able to propel myself, and a million questions burst through my mind: What's going on - where am I? What am I in? Am I dead?

The speck of light grows bigger, and I see that it's the bottom of...some sort of pool, and there are several poles erected in it: ten total, five different colors.

I frown in confusion as I accelerate my breaststroke. I can almost make out some sort of ceiling through the water now...

I stop in surprise as one of the pairs of poles begins to move, and I find that they're not poles at all: they're legs. As I realize this, they all start to move: the multi-colored beings are kicking to keep themselves afloat.

I hold my breath as I near the bottom of the tub. I squeeze my eyes shut, and after a moment, my lungs begin to burn again, but I dare not take a breath: I may be underwater again.

I keep kicking, and after a moment, I feel myself breach the surface of the water. I take a deep breath, and begin to tread, leaving my eyes shut as I rest.

"You perverted scoundrel! You were watching us bathe!"

I open my eyes as the feminine voice hits my ears. I try to apologize, but find that my lips are unable to make coherent sounds: all I can do is flap them like a fish as I try to understand what's going on.

"So...did'ya like what you saw?"

"Rainbow Dash! That's disgusting!"

"What's goin' on over there? Does some pervert need me t' beat 'im up?"

The three new voices add to my confusion. I force my eyes open, and spin around to see where I am.

I'm in a rather fancy spa, and it's all very nice and whatnot and looks very well kept and -

AND I AM SURROUNDED BY FUCKING PONIES.

My breath catches in my throat, and I decide on something.

Without taking a breath, I dive back underwater, searching for some sort of...I don't know...extra dimensional rift in time and space itself?

When that proves to be a bust, I decide to just wait: maybe it'll show up eventually, huh?

I hear voices from above the water, but choose to ignore them as I slap at the floor of the tub in impatience. I want to go home, just open the fuck up already!

My lungs begin to sting, but I ignore it. After several minutes of nothing happening, my throat begins to convulse, and I begin to gag on water: my body is forcing me to breathe. I choke as water goes right into my lungs, and I weakly punch at the floor in desperation.

"Let me out!" I try to scream. All that comes out is bubbles and tears. "Let me the fuck out, God fucking dammit!"

I feel something tugging at me, and I breach the surface once again. I immediately start to retch, and about a good gallon of water spews out of my mouth before I'm able to breathe again.

"Geeze, if you didn't like what you saw, you could've just said 'no'...you didn't have to go and drown yourself..."

A sudden idea hits me: maybe these...things, know how I got here! I spin around, and grab the...I mean, I say they're ponies, but they look nothing like any ponies I've ever seen. I only say ponies because of the long muzzle.

"How do I get out of here!?" I demand, squeezing the things' blue shoulders in a crazed state of panic. "How in the shit do I leave!?"

The blue thing doesn't take kindly to my violent outburst. Rather, she pulls back a blue hoof, and-

I let out a grunt/cry of pain as I feel my nose break, and the world goes black.

Rainbow Dash

I glower at the unconscious...thing, slumped over the edge of the hot tub, and shake a few flecks of blood off of my stinging hoof. "What a creep," I mutter.

"What th' hay is goin' on!?" I hear Applejack shouting. I lean over so I can see her, and find that she's struggling against the confines of the miniature tub that Zecora had prepared for her. She struggles to get out, and the entire thing bounces with her movements. "Get me outta this darn thing, already!"

Twilight jumps to assist her, giving me a strange look as she passes. What? She thought I was just gonna let that thing grab me without a fight?

"Oh, I think you hurt it," I hear Fluttershy mutter from my side.

"'Oh, I think you hurt it,'" I mock her. "I hope I did. Creep..." I stare as a bit more blood trickles out of the thing on its face. Damn, but is it ugly...

Fluttershy lets out a small squeak, and I hear Pinkie Pie shouting at me to be nice. I disregard her as I start to search the things body.

The first thing I see is that it's wearing pants, but no shirt. The opposite of what Spike wears when he gets fancy. I take note of the oddly placed nipples, and decide that it's a girl. And it's obviously not a pony - it doesn't have enough hair to be one.

I pull off the pants, and frown at the oddly shaped penis. So...it's a girl boy? Is it a hermaphrodite?

"What is it, Rainbow Dash? A concealed weapon?" Rarity ask, a tremble in her voice.

"Uh...I don't know," I respond, pulling the things' pants back up with a blush. Just then, Applejack joins us, and sneers at it in disgust. "It has nipples, but it's got a dick..."

"Such language!" Rarity shouts.

"Don't care," I announce. I quickly find the pockets on its pants, and pull out some weird things: some soggy, green paper, a few oddly colored and non-Equestrian bits, and some kind of...receipt.

"It says 'Burger King'," I announce as I immediately read it. "Says here it got a...double cheeseburger - whatever that is - with a large fry and a large vanilla milkshake."

"It's a carnivore!" Twilight screams, jumping away from it as if it's some sort of plague. I toss the receipt to the side, and back away, as well, if only out of precaution: I have no idea what a carnivore is.

"What's that?" I ask.

"It eats meat!" Twilight cries, staring at it in fear. I look back at it, and decide I may as well give it a second K.O. punch.

"How d'ya know that?" Applejack asks.

"Cheeseburgers are made from cow meat!" Twilight exclaims. "I...I went to the Diamond Dog capital for Celestia once, and...they had cheeseburgers there!"

Fluttershy starts to cry, so Rarity quickly escorts her out. I roll my eyes at how much of a pushover she is.

"I've got to tell Princess Celestia!" Twilight shouts, before running out of the spa in search of Spike.

"Ah...Ah don' wanna be around this thing..." Applejack mutters, looking a bit green.

"Me either!" Pinkie Pie shouts.

"I'll keep watch over it," I declare as I drag it out of the tub. "I'll just tie it to a chair or something. You two go on - if Twilight says so, we can bring it to Celestia."

"Yer'...yer' not scared?" Applejack asks as she approaches the door. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"I just knocked it out with a single punch. Of course I'm not scared."

Applejack nods, and bolts out. Pinkie pauses as she nears the door. "Be careful, Rainbow," she says.

"I will," I assure her. She nods, and runs after Applejack.

I sigh to myself as I drag the unconscious thing into a chair, and find some rope to tie it up with. I try to find the spa sisters to warn them so they can leave, but I remember that they went with Zecora back to her hut: she was going to teach them some remedies they could use in massages...

I eventually find rope (as well as a bunch of bondage gear...yuck) and use it to bind the things' arms behind the back of the chair, and tie the rope around its entire body. I curse a few times, because I was never as good at tying nots as Applejack, but I get the job done.

Once I'm finished, I sit down with my back leaning against the tub, cross my legs, and wait.

Author's Note

I know, this is a flimsy explanation for his arrival in Equestria, but it has something to do with the Poison Joke. (It got in the water and made something random happen.)
So, yeah. That's sort of a spoiler because Zecora is going to explain it soon enough, but, whatever.
If you enjoyed this chapter, like the story and favorite it so you can read the future chapters. This is nothing but a way for me to blow off creative steam: it's not a primary story. It's just what I'll write to make my other stories better (so I won't get sidetracked.)