"Zecora!" I shout as I finally see the hut coming into view. I wince as Spike tightens his grip on my mane: it's been quite a bumpy ride for him...

As I finally arrive at the door to the hut, I stop to catch my breath. Zecora bursts out of her home, and looks me over in shock. "Zecora, something...I need...Your help..." I pant.

"Twilight Sparkle, what has befallen you and your friends? I thought I had brought the Poison Joke to an end..."

I shake my head as I let Spike down off of my back. He immediately loses his balance, and decides to lay on the ground for a moment. I shake myself to let the matted fur from where he was sitting fall back into place.

"Zecora, something happened," I say when I've caught my breath. "We were in the hot tub, right? But...something...happened. This...thing came out of the tub! And...I think it just sort of...appeared there..." I shake my head as I try to wrap it around what I saw. "It was weird, though...for a second, the bottom of the tub went all cloudy, and then...he was there!"

Zecora frowns, and waves me into her house. Spike and I follow, and quickly greet the spa sisters as the zebra goes about reading several of her books, mumbling to herself in her native tongue all the while.

After a small while, she lets out an exclamation, and approaches me with a book. "Poison Joke has some side effects," she announces. "When it is washed off, it can cause strange things at best."

"Side effects? Strange things?" I repeat, tapping a hoof to my chin in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"It says here that Poison Joke can do something unheard of by you pony folk. It can open a door, and that door works one way: it will suck in a poor soul, and forever in Equestria shall they stay."

"That..." I pause to consider it. "That just makes this even more confusing...does that mean that this...thing is gonna be in Equestria...forever?"

"I am afraid that that is true," Zecora responds as she shuts the book. A small puff of dust escapes as the pages come back together. "I only hope it does not blame you..."

"Blame me?" I ask, frowning to myself as I think of what could happen if that thing blames me. It could turn me into a burger...Or worse, it could eat me alive!

"It has been torn from its home. For that, you may have to atone."

"But...it wasn't my fault!" I cry, my hooves circling each other in nervous energy. "I mean...but...it's a carnivore, Zecora! It could eat me!"

The two spa sisters gasp behind me. "Non - a carnivore? In our establishment of beauty? Non, I say, non!"

I cringe as they burst from Zecora's hut, and hurry back to their spa. That's not going to be fun...Now the whole town is going to find out about it...

"Twilight Sparkle, this will cause much distress. I think it would be best for you to tell the Princess." I nod, and quickly pull a quill, paper, and inkwell from my saddlebags. I write a quick letter to Celestia explaining the situation, and have Spike send it.

"Thank you, Zecora," I say as I scoop Spike back onto my back. "But I'd best get going before there's a panic in Ponyville..."

The zebra nods and wishes me luck, and I rush back towards Ponyville, hoping that this situation hasn't gone to hell in a hoofbasket...

Rainbow Dash

I look up as I see the thing move a bit. It shakes its head, lets out a grunt, and tries to move its hands. But my expert knots keep it from doing so.

"So, you're finally awake," I remark, fidgeting once again in irritation. Why the shit did I volunteer to watch over this thing? It feels like I've been sitting here for hours now...

"Who're you?" It asks, struggling against the rope I've got tied around it. "What's going on - where am I?"

"Don't you remember?" I ask, raising an eyebrow with a smirk. "You were watching us bathe, you sicko. You came up for air, grabbed me, and I punched you - totally knocked you out." It looks to me, and after staring in slack-jawed silence for a moment, it looks back at its lap and lets out a rather loud curse. "Yeah, that's right, you creep. Didn't get away that easy, did'ya?"

It looks up at me, and I gulp as I see its eyes. It looks...desperate. "Please," it mutters, "I just want to go home...I have no idea how I got here, please, just let me go home..." It hangs its head and begins to sob, and I just stare in shock. So, this big bad meat-eater is...crying? I don't get it...

I frown as I realize what it's doing. "Cut the act, jackass. I know you're gonna eat me the second I let you go - you're a meat-eater, aren't you? Well, all meat-eaters here in Equestria are cold-blooded predators. Trust me, I know the deal. I almost got mauled by a bear once, y'know? But Fluttershy was there to bale me out at the last second. But the fact that you had someone slaughter a cow for you...Damn, I hate things like you. Act like you're civilized, but cut down those poor cows for food..."

It looks up at me in surprise. "Wait...you know about my home!? Can...Can I get back there!?" It sounds so hopeful that, for a second, I almost believe its bullshit.

"Well, you're from the Diamond Dogs, aren't ya'?" I ask. "Twilight said that Diamond Dogs have cheeseburgers..."

It shakes its head. "No...No, I'm a human...And for your information, they don't just slaughter cows back where I come from." It sneers at me, and I wait for an explanation. "They raise them, and when they're near death, they just put them out of their misery."

"Doesn't change the fact that you slaughter them, though."

It growls in irritation. "Look, that's not important right now! What's important is that I need to get home, alright!?"

I'm about to ask it where its home is, when the spa is filled with a flash of light. Once it fades, I see that Twilight Sparkle is standing there, her horn still crackling with a bit of energy as Spike slides off of her back, his face greener than his scales.

"Yo, the fuck!?" It shouts, staring at Twilight in amazed awe. "The shit, you can teleport? God damn, that's awesome."

"Almost forgot I could do that," she remarks as she approaches the thing, obviously ignoring its exclamations. "Now...Celestia, the one of the Princesses in this world, is going to get you soon. And you're going to have to answer all of her questions honestly - and I mean all of them, all right?" I raise an eyebrow at Twilight. I don't get to see this side of her often - the in-charge, badass side, that is.

"Alright," it responds with a sigh. "I'm not gonna get back home anytime soon with that crazy bitch harpin' on me, so I may as well just go along with whatever the hell you've got planned for me..."

I laugh a bit, until I realize that it was calling me a crazy bitch. "Hey! Watch who you're callin' a bitch!" I spit.

It rolls its eyes, and turns to Twilight. "Look...could you let me out of these ropes? If I'm going to answer questions, I don't want to be tied to a chair..."

"Why would she let you out? So you could eat her!?" I demand.

"We don't eat horse meat!" It shouts back at me, its face immediately reddening.

"We're ponies!"

"We don't eat pony meat, either! Nobody eats horse meat but the savages, and I am definitely not a savage! Hell, half the time, I refrain from eating meat - I mostly eat vegetables and baked shit. Yeah, I like meat, but I'm not some sort of crazed murderer..."

It's then that I see a spark in Twilight's eye. One that I know all too well - the spark of curiosity. "Twilight," I caution, "this thing isn't something for you to study. It could be dangerous!"

"For all you know, I could shoot lasers out of my fucking eyes!" It shouts at me, apparently having lost its temper. "Now, are you going to let me out of these or not?"

I ready myself as Twilight immediately loosens the ropes. "Twilight...what are you thinking..." I mumble to myself as I prepare to attack.

Once it's freed, it rubs its wrists, and sighs in relief. "Thanks," it mutters. It leans back in the chair, and I relax a bit. Maybe it's not going to attack, after all...

"So, where are you from?" Twilight asks as she takes a seat on the floor.

"Earth," it responds. "I'm a human from Earth. That's...well, that's a planet, and I severely doubt that we're on Earth right now. And...to be specific, I'm form the United States of America. Uh...State of New York, city of Manhattan..."

Twilight nods, and cocks her head at the so-called 'human'. "So, what's your name? How old are you? What's it like on Earth? Is everyone a human there? Rainbow Dash said that you have a penis. Why do you have a penis if you have nipples? Are you a girl or a boy? Do you have-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," the human interrupts. "You're telling me that this...thing looked at my dick?" It asks, pointing directly at me.

"Thing!?" I shout, standing upright with a scowl. "I'll have you know, I'm a top-class athlete Pegasus pony! Nobody can call me a thing! You're the thing here, bucko, so you'd best get used to it!"

The human shrinks a bit, and I smile as I realize something: this motherfucker is afraid of me! I smirk in victory. Huzzah for Rainbow Dash!

"Well...yes," Twilight responds. "She was searching for a concealed weapon..." The human nods, and shrugs.

"Well, I guess I'll answer your questions," it announces with a sigh. "I'm a guy, first off - all humans have nipples. I don't know why. Believe me, I don't. But what I do know is that my name is Peter, I'm twenty two years old, and yes, all the intelligent beings are humans on Earth."

"Only humans? Not griffons, or dragoons, or-"

"Peter" interrupts her with a raised hand. "'S this really important right now?" He asks with a frown. "I mean...I was close to drowning no less than one hour ago, and then, I found myself in your hot tub. So...maybe we should stop focusing on what I am?" A bit of irritated sarcasm creeps into his voice, and I must admit that I agree with him for the first time since he got here. "Maybe we should start focusing on how I'm going to get home."

Twilight frowns, and shakes her head. "Uh...Peter, look...I spoke to Zecora," she announces. "The Poison Joke...We washed it off, and it...I guess it made a portal of sorts. I don't know how, but..." She takes a deep breath, and I grow concerned. Is this guy just a joke? An apparition made by those damned plants? Did we get high off of the fumes? "You're stuck here...forever. There's no way to send you back."

For a moment, Peter sits there, absolutely silent. After a moment of him just staring down at the floor, I realize something: he could have family. He could have friends. And now, he's stuck in Equestria, away from them forever...

Then again, I don't know anything about this guy.

"You know what," Peter announces, biting his lower lip in thought, "maybe...maybe that's for the best." He looks up, and I can tell that he's dead serious.

"What are you talking about?" Twilight asks with a frown.

"Maybe it's for the best," he continues, choosing his words carefully, "that I stay here, and...restart my life."

"Why would you want to restart your life?" I ask, suspicious of the human as he tries to find a way around the subject.

"I...I did some things I'm not very proud of," he announces. "But here...it doesn't matter anymore. I...I can start over, right?" He smiles for a brief moment, and Twilight frowns.

"If you're so intent on restarting your life, why did you freak out and demand for a way back home when you first arrived?"

"Yeah, why did'ya do that!?" I shout, jumping at the opportunity to scare this bitch a bit more as I jump up to get all up in his face. I grin as I get the reaction I was looking for: he yelps in surprise and jumps in his chair, which causes it to topple and sends him crashing to the floor.

"Rainbow Dash! Stop scaring him! I'm trying to ask him legitimate questions!" Twilight snaps at me. I grumble a bit as I resign to a corner.

"I was panicked," Peter responds as he stands, and rights the chair. "I was freaked out by being in some weird world, y'know?"

"That's true," Twilight mutters, rubbing her chin with a hoof. "But...what did you do, that you're not proud of?"

Peter immediately shakes his head. "I'm not telling you."

"Why?" Twilight asks.

"Because I don't want to," Peter growls, giving her a glare that even makes me cringe a bit. "Because what's done is done, and I wanna leave it at that."

"Did you kill someone?" I ask, smirking at him as I finally get him pegged down. He's a murderer running from the law!

"No!" He shouts, seemingly insulted. "I didn't kill someone, you asshole!"

"Hey, calm down," Twilight urges. "It was just a question."

Peter seems to steam for a few moments, and runs a hand through his hair before responding. "Yeah, whatever..."

"If you didn't kill anyone, then I don't get why you'd want to leave your life behind," I announce. "I mean, the only stories I've ever heard of ponies giving up their lives is when they've committed murder..."

"I didn't kill anybody," he spits, growing viciously testy as I grill him.

"Oh? Then what did you do?" I ask with a smirk.

"Rainbow, don't - " Twilight starts in a slightly meek voice, but she's cut off by Peter.

"I did what I had to do to keep her alive," he spits, staring at the floor as he clenches his jaw. "Nothing more."

My smirk widens. "To keep who alive?"

"The woman I loved," he responds, his lower lip starting to quiver as some sort of emotional bubble bursts. I stare at him in shock as a few tears come forth.

He stands, and storms off, leaving me with nothing to say but "oh."

"Nice job, Rainbow Dash," Twilight remarks. I look towards her, and my shoulders sag as I see the disapproving look on her face. "Not even a day in, and you've already sent the poor guy into hysterics..."

"Poor guy?" I ask, trying to maintain some sort of face. "He's the one that grabbed me, remember!?"

"He was panicking!" Twilight shouts. "You just overreacted!"

"Then how come you screamed when we found out he was a carnivore?"

"Because I was panicked, too!" Twilight shouts in response. "Some strange thing just came out of a hot tub I was sitting in - do you think I would be in my right mind!?"

I don't have an answer to that, so Twilight just walks away with a rare huff. "I swear, Rainbow Dash, you take everything too far! He may be a genuinely nice guy, and what did you do? You punched him in the face, and then you made him have an emotional breakdown. Great going! Glad to see you're still making friends!"

"Yeah, but...I just reacted!" I shout, blocking her path as she tries to follow Peter. "He was being violent, so I reacted!"

"Exactly! You reacted, but you never stopped to think!" Twilight shakes her head with a sigh. "Rainbow Dash, we know absolutely nothing about him other than his name, his species, his age, and what he eats. You'd think that you would be at least a little understanding for once, and not just be the usual asshole that you always are!"

I take a step back, and I feel something that I never thought I'd feel coming from any of my friends.

Pain. I feel pain.

"Is that really how you feel?" I ask, frowning at her.

"Yes, Rainbow Dash, it is! And why do you care so much about how I feel!? You don't care about how any of our other friends feel!"

I take another step back, and shake my head. "That's not true, Twilight."

I expect her to shout at me, but she doesn't. Instead, she shakes her head, and walks right past me. "Keep telling yourself that, Rainbow."

I stand there in stunned silence as I listen to Twilight searching for Peter. After a moment, I force myself to walk through the door, and that's when I lose all sense of dignity.

Kicking open the door with more force than necessary, I launch myself into the air, and fly back to my home as fast as I can.

Because right now, there's a tub of ice cream that needs some severe weight loss.

Author's Note

Sentimental stuff
Sentimental stuff
JOKE.
Yes.