Twilight and Fluttershy bustle into the hospital room together, Twilight bearing an eager grin and Fluttershy hiding behind her mane a bit.

"Hi!" Twilight chirps.

"Uh, hi?" I mutter in response, cocking an eyebrow at the obviously excited unicorn.

"So, I've decided to conduct a social experiment," she announces. "I'm going to document the psychological effects of having an intimate romantic relationship with an individual of an unfamiliar species! I'll do this by giving both you and Rainbow weekly psychiatric examinations - or, rather, Fluttershy will do that, and I'll look at the results!"

I raise both my eyebrows this time. "Just throwing Doctor-Patient Confidentiality right out the window, I see?"

"Not all. An action in pursuit of knowledge is always lawful. And, besides, Celestia gave me the go-ahead to examine your brains!"

I put on a nervous, sheepish smile. "That makes you sound a bit crazy," I inform her.

"Eh."

I chuckle lightly as I turn to Fluttershy. "So, what, are you going to be taking the examination now?" I ask.

"We're going to ask you questions irrelevant to your relationship with Rainbow Dash, and we're going to do the same with Rainbow - just to make a control group. After that, every other week will be a joint psychiatric evaluation, and even when it's not joint it'll be about your relationship!"

I nod, and Fluttershy smiles softly as she turns to me with a few tools that she pulled out of her saddlebags. She unfolds a tripod easel, and proceeds to begin the examination.

Applejack

I smile as the Golden Delicious bounces in my saddlebag. Hoo boy, Peter's going to love this gift!

It's been a while since I've visited him, but I'm pretty sure that he'll be happy to see me either way.

Besides, I've seen him glancing at my flank now and again. He may be dating Rainbow Dash, but what's the matter with enjoying a bit of eye candy now and again, hm?

I'm about to enter the room with a big grin when I see that Fluttershy and Twilight are surrounding Peters' bed. He's staring at a blotch of ink, so I naturally decide to take a peek.

My smile disappears in a flash as I see the (obviously) depicted vagina. I slowly back out of the entryway, making sure that they don't hear me so I don't get wrapped up in whatever it is that's going on in there...

"Ah swear," I mutter to myself as I fully exit the hospital, "some ponies an' their crazy fetishes..."

Peter

"I'd say it looks like...a gate opening to a bright light," I announce as I observe the Rorschach ink blot. Fluttershy scribbles that down, and I admire the way the light pans out as it exits the door. "Kinda like the door to Kingdom Hearts," I mutter to myself.

"Excuse me?" Fluttershy asks with a frown.

"Oh, nothing, just something from a mindfuck of a videogame," I respond. I smile at the image; as I know now, without a doubt...That Kingdom Hearts, is LIGHT!

"Uhm..." Fluttershy states. She puts down a few letters, and proceeds to flick over to the next image.

"What do you see?"

"A cat," I announce. Fluttershy nods, but I hold my hand up to stop her from flicking to the next page. "A cat playing a piano, to be precise."

Fluttershy frowns at me, and tilts her head to look at the ink blot. Twilight does as well, and they both look back to me with quizzical stares.

"Uhm...if you don't mind me asking...how do you see that as a cat...playing a piano?"

I shrug as Fluttershy hastily scribbles a note down. "I dunno. It just looks like Keyboard Cat."

"Don't you mean...a keyboard-playing cat?" Twilight interjects.

"No, I mean the Keyboard Cat, from the YouTubes." They both give me blank stares, so I sigh. "It's an Internet thing..."

"Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," they both release simultaneously. I've told them all about the kind of weird things you can find on the Internet, so they fully comprehend the idea of the Keyboard Cat being on the Internets.

Fluttershy flicks to the next picture, and we continue the psychiatric evaluation.

Meanwhile...

I turn over on my cloud with a grin.

Aww, colt, this is the life, ain't it?

Sittin' back, relaxin', knowing that I've got a boyfriend to visit in the hospital in about a half hour...

Yeah, this is the life...

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!"

I groan aloud as I turn onto my belly to poke my head out over the edge of the cloud. I glare at Applejack for a moment before allowing myself to practically melt through the cloud, flapping my wings a few times to ensure that I descend slowly and safely.

The first thing I do when I reach the ground is punch Applejack in the shoulder. "That's for interrupting my nap."

"Fluttershy an' Twi' are showin' Peter draw-rin's of their vaginas!" Applejack hisses a me. I frown at her for a moment before grabbing her chin, forcing her mouth open, and taking a whiff of her breath. "Uh...what're you doin', Sugarcube?" She asks, hitting me with a wave of apple-scented breath.

"Making sure you're not drunk," I grumble. "Look, what you're saying is totally ridiculous. You're probably just taking something out of proportion."

Applejack rolls her eyes at me. "Sugarcube, Ah'm bein' serious! And he was enjoyin' it, and it was all big and it was -"

"Did it have what seemed to be a light on top rather than a clitoris? And did it look almost like the trunk of a tree?" I ask, giving her a flat glare.

"Uh...I...how'd you know? Have ya...have ya seen that draw-rin', too?"

I begin to laugh at her. She cocks an eyebrow, so I explain the Rorschach test, as well as the nature of the ink blots to assist ponies in determining the manner in which a patients' mind prioritizes information. As soon as I finish explaining, Applejack shakes her head in confusion.

"Ah thought ya' hated readin'," she announces. "Why in th' hay d'ya know so much 'bout the Rorschach Thangs?"

"Fluttershy told me all about them," I inform her with a hint of sourness in my voice.

"Oh? When?"

"When I had to go for therapy," I respond. "Remember? When my mom got drunk and slept around in Ponyville like some sort of skank?"

"Oh, Ah remember that," Applejack mutters with a blush. "Yeah, that was...Ah can understand y'all needin' therapy after that."

I release a "hmph," but nothing more. Applejack kicks at the dirt as the silence spans.

"So, uh...maybe ya' wanna go see 'im now?" Applejack asks. "'Cus if they're givin' him a psyche 'valuation...maybe ya' could learn more 'bout him."

I smile to myself. "That's actually a really good idea," I announce. "Yeah...I don't know much about him, and he's really hush-hush about his past..."

Applejack smiles. "Then, go on! Git'!"

I nod, and hurry over to the hospital.

A few minutes later, Peter and I are hugging with small smiles.

"Hey, Dash," he announces as we release each other. "I wasn't expecting you so early."

"Well, AJ told me you were having a psyche evaluation, so I figured I'd come by so I can hear a bit of your insanity," I tease.

Peter smiles at me. "Ah, Dash...you're so naïve."

"Huh? I don't get it."

"I've already descended into insanity by ever dating you," he teases with a vicious smirk. I punch him on the shoulder, and he laughs as I simmer.

"Uh...if you two are done," Twilight interrupts. "I was actually going to get you - we're going to do a joint psyche evaluation. The control for you will be Fluttershy's personal experience with you."

"Personal experience?" Peter asks with a cocked eyebrow and a sultry voice. "My my, could I perhaps share in one of these personal experiences?"

Fluttershy blushes intensely as I laugh boisterously. Peter is hit by a swift slap from Twilight, and I make no move to stop her.

"Now, then," Twilight says harshly, "can we finally begin?"

"Yeah," Peter sighs. "I don't see why not."

Twilight nods, and Fluttershy takes the stage, still blushing intensely as she clears her throat.

"This is going to be a study of the effects of a cross-species relationship," she announces. I say announces because her voice is barely speaking level - a new height of volume for her. "Now, Peter, Rainbow...are you happy together? And please, be honest - don't tease each other when I ask you questions...if you don't mind..."

"We're happy," Peter immediately responds. "At least, I am. Are you happy?" He turns to me. I nod in affirmative. Fluttershy writes something down.

"Rainbow Dash, do you know much about Peter's past?" Fluttershy asks me. "About his family, his friends, his past interests..."

"Some stuff," I respond with a shrug. "A lot of it is still a mystery to me. Like, I don't even know where he went to school yet."

"That's because you never asked," Peter points out, matter-of-factly.

"Oh," I state, flatly. "Well, still - I don't know much about Peter's past."

Fluttershy nods. "Peter, what do you know of Rainbow's past?"

Peter shrugs. "Some stuff," he echoes. "I don't know anything 'bout her family or anything, but that's mostly because I never bothered asking. We've only been together for a few weeks now - I have no doubt that we'll eventually end up learning more about each other, whether we actually want to or not."

I nod. I'll have to bring that up with him later. Whether we want to or not!? Who wouldn't want to learn more about me!?

"So, Rainbow, do you like Peter as a boyfriend, or as an individual?" Fluttershy asks. I cock an eyebrow.

"I guess as both," I respond. "I mean, he's a cool dude, but he's also a really great boyfriend."

Peter smiles at the compliment. Fluttershy poses the question to him.

"I'd say I like her more as an individual than as a girlfriend," Peter announces.

"What? Am I not a good enough girlfriend for you!?" I demand, rather irritated. Peter calms me down in the simple way that nopony else can: he places a hand on my muzzle, which, coming from him, I really don't mind.

"Calm your tits," he urges. I snicker. "What I mean by that is that, sure, you're a great girlfriend, but...you're also a great person. Or, er, pony. I mean, sure, on the outside you seem like an egotistical bitch-"

"Hey!"

"But once I get to know you, I see that you're anything but. You're an egotistical sweetheart." He smirks at me, and I end up confused. Is that...a compliment? It sure didn't feel like one...

"Well, moving on," Fluttershy announces. "Oh, sorry, were you not done yet?"

"Nah, we're done," Peter responds as he reclines. "What next?"

"Rainbow, describe Peter in one word. And please, don't just say 'awesome,' I want you to really think about it."

I nod, and let my wings do their business as I think. I sift through words, and after a while, I believe I've found one that fits.

"Enigmatic," I announce. "He's a bit unpredictable. Kinda like a thunderhead. While I know how he'll react to certain things based on his personality, I never quite know how he'll react, y'know? Like, he might find something funny, and I know he will, but I don't know to what degree." I nod to myself as I finish.

"Wow, Rainbow...I never thought you even knew what the word enigmatic meant, even less how to apply it!" Twilight exclaims. I give her a flat glare, but it dissipates once I see her smile: she's actually trying to compliment me!

"Uh...thanks?" I mutter.

"Peter, your turn," Fluttershy announces. Peter nods as he cracks his knuckles. Twilight cringes at the sound.

"Well..." He looks me over. "I mean...there are a few things to take into a account, really...I mean, she's definitely just as brash and confident as she acts, that's without any sort of doubt." I puff out my chest in pride. "But she's also very...sensitive, and-"

"I am not!" I cry in protest, blushing insanely.

"And very insecure," he finishes with a cocked eyebrow and a smirk. I scowl at him as he continues. I'd better swear Twilight and Fluttershy to eternal secrecy after this...

"But she's also many other things, besides all of that. And a lot of it...I honestly don't understand. Like, at all. So...the word that I would describe her with is, ironically enough...chromatic."

The three of us slap our hooves to our faces. "Peter, that's the worst pun ever," I groan.

"But it's true!" He protests in a whine, which differs greatly from his prophetic speech from moments ago. "I mean, you're so many things - all in one tiny package!" I narrow my eyes at him. "Tiny is subjective here," he quickly amends. "But thing is, your personality has so many edges to it, but, much like a white light, you choose only to show one to observers. It's only those that truly scrutinize you that see the different shades of your person - pony."

Twilight nods. "Alright, makes sense," she announces.

"So," Fluttershy begins. "I...think we're done here..." She looks over what she's written down, and nods. "The rest of it will have to be done in a more...professional setting."

"What, a hospital isn't professional enough for you?" Peter challenges.

"No no no," Fluttershy rejects, blushing as she shakes her hooves in denial. "No, but it's not very private, and I'd rather execute a session in my cottage, where it can be quiet and private..."

Peter cocks an eyebrow, but doesn't make the innuendo. I applaud his restraint. That fish is way too easy to go for, when you could truly zing everypony with an amazingly awesome one.

"Well, rest up," Fluttershy chirps as she and Twilight depart. As soon as they do, Peter and I give each other sultry grins.

"We're alone," he announces.

"All alone," I confirm. After closing the blinds and the door, I slowly join Peter in the bed, and immediately begin to do something that I could never ever ever let anypony ever catch me doing, ever.

I become the little spoon.

Author's Note

I wrote this because I'm bored and I can't find Claudia's room in Silent Hill 3.