What Am I Doing Here? - Return To Earth

Day 2 - Entertainment

I woke up in the middle of the night and looked over to my alarm clock. What the fuck? It's 3am?! Oh for fuck sake.

I groan and slump back into my bed. No chance in hell I'll be able to sleep now. Brilliant.

I sigh and turn around in my bed and look out the window. I saw the caravan in the backyard, along with a silhouette of a person in the moonlight sitting on top of the said caravan.

Okay, this warrants an investigation.

I roll out of my bed and land on my feet. As I walk out into the backyard I look up to the top of the caravan. Yep. Still there. I sighed and jumped up, grabbed the edge of the roof and flung myself up.

I heard a gasp and felt a fist smash my face. I fell over and landed on the ground.

"Ow. Oi! Who's there?!"

"Crystal?"

"Luna? Did you just seriously punch me?!"

"I thought you were a-"

"A what? What could be out here at this time?!"

"I don't know! It's your world, not mine!"

I groan and stand up. My back was killing me. I saw Luna peak her head over the edge of the roof with a sad look upon her face in the dim moonlight with a light blush.

"I'm sorry."

I stretch and hear a pop come from my back.

"It's cool."

I jump up once again and fling myself onto the roof.

"What are you doing up here?"

She smiled and looked to the sky. Specifically, towards the moon.

"You told us that your moon moves on its on and does not require an alicorns power."

She reaches a hand out towards the celestial object.

"You never told us how beautiful it was."

I smile lightly and look around the sky.

"I also told you about our constellations. Too bad I can't find any right now."

She followed my gaze and looked up to the night sky.

"It does not matter. Still a beautiful landscape."

I lie back on the cold roof and sigh with content. I used to do this every night. Granted I still did this when I was in Equestria. Luna followed my lead and sighed as she lied on the roof. We stayed there for who knows how long before I started to doze off.

The last thing I saw was the moon hanging above us.

I was woken by Luna shaking me. Of course being the lazy arse I was...

"No...I need sleepy sleeps..."

"Crystal we have company."

I grunted in response.

So in response to my response Luna jabbed me in the gut. I instantly sat up.

"Ow! What do you-"

When I saw what company we had I nearly choked. Discord himself was suspended in the air in front of us with a maddening smile.

"Ha-AH! Found you! Look, Lulu! I figured out how to get here! All by myself!"

Luna rolled her eyes at the statement.

"If you would have come with us instead of being stubborn-"

"I would look like a human. Bleh. Pass."

Discord began back stroking through the air like water. He kept his gaze on me, still holding that smile.

"And how are you?"

I stand up and attempt to grab him by the neck, which failed as he swiftly backed away.

"I'm fine now that I found you."

He laughed heartily and moved closer to me.

"Oh PLEASE. Even if you had the guts, you couldn't hurt me!"

Granted, I was angry with Discord. But truth be told I couldn't.

Sometimes I hate my rules.

Discord laughed and disappeared, reappearing behind me and resting an arm across my shoulders.

"Well, if you wanna come back just say the word! I can-"

"We're staying, Discord."

Discord looked to Luna with his mouth agape.

"What?!"

Luna stood up and nodded.

"We have decided to spend a week here."

Discord released his grip on me and held a claw to his jaw.

"Well, I might as well be off then. No fun here."

I began laughing. Very hard. Was he for real?

"You think Earth is boring? Dude, I know you love chaos and the like. This planet is filled with chaos."

Discord's ears twitched at what I said. He turned to face me with a smirk.

"Is that so?"

I nod with a grin.

"You won't find another species that's more violent, unforgiving or insane. You can bet on it."

Discord pondered this for a second before smiling and giving me a hug.

"Well, in that case I might stay for a bit. Oh, don't worry I'll be out of your way."

The last part of his sentence was directed towards Luna's frown, which became a smile.

He released me and with a snap of his fingers, he was suddenly wearing a very bright floral shirt with sunglasses and a straw hat.

"I think I'll go to a tropical destination first. Toodles."

Another snap of his fingers and the draconequus was gone. I sigh heavily and slump back on the roof.

"Glad he's gone. What time is it?"

Luna glanced up at the sky.

"Roughly 7am. Dawn is breaking."

I grunt and roll off the roof, landing on my feet and scratching my head in grogginess.

"I'm going back to bed. It's a frickin' weekend."

Luna waved at me as I retired back to my room and slumped back down in my bed, falling asleep instantly.

I woke up at around 9am. Figuring I wasn't gunna get anymore sleep I went outside to check on the girls. I knocked on the door and it flung open to reveal Luna and Chrysalis playing The Legend of Spyro: Dawn of the Dragon on my PS2 co-op mode. Chrysalis was Cynder and Luna was Spyro. Celestia looked at me with frustration.

"These two have been playing that game for ages now. It's starting to bug me."

I nodded in agreement. From the level I could see they were very far in. They were already at Warfang.

"I figured I'd take you all out to see a movie playing at the local church tonight."

Celestia looked at me with confusion.

"Then what shall we do until then?"

I smiled and held up a finger.

"Gimme a minute."

I ran back inside and grabbed my Wii along with the game Mario Kart Wii.

I'm gunna show them how a professional plays.

I couldn't fucking believe it.

Every time I got 1st Luna would somehow streak past me, putting me in 2nd. Chrysalis was 4th while Celestia was 7th or 8th normally.

As I crossed the finish line of Rainbow Road behind Luna I groaned and dropped the Wii remote on my lap while Luna jumped up with joy.

"Ah-HA! I have bested you!"

I grunt and slam my head on the table.

After a couple more hours of competitive gaming with Wii Sports and Just Dance 4 we were all tired. We had spent hours shouting at each other. Many tears were shed and many friendships were tested, but we prevailed. Thank god my dad sleeps on weekends. He leaves me to cater for myself, which isn't that bad. I made the girls some lunch earlier.

It was now 7pm as the three of us walked down the street I lived on, heading for the local church.

As I explained in Equestria I was an atheist. Thankfully though, you don't need to pass a "Religion Check" or anything of the sort. Heh. If that actually happened that would be hilarious.

We walked up to the church and I noticed the three looking around, taking in their surroundings. Celestia spoke up and pointed to a cross.

"That is the symbol you told us represented a religion here."

I nodded.

"Yeah. This is a church for Christians. Like I said though, I'm not religious."

"Will they still allow us entry?"

"They should, yeah."

We walked in through the front doors and took a seat. Where there would be a priest stood a massive whiteboard and in the back of the room stood a projector.

In all my life I've only ever been to a church once before now, and that was for a funeral. This wasn't entirely new but to the three next to me it was a whole new experience.

After a couple of minutes people started pouring in and the lights dimmed. There wasn't that many people to be honest. Well, it is a small town we all live in here.

The projector began playing and on screen the icons of many companies were displayed. Celestia leaned over towards me.

"What movie did you say we are watching?"

I crack a grin, for we are watching a movie that I loved.

"We are watching Austin Powers Goldmember."

I walked out of the church with a smile on my face. That movie made me laugh every time I watched it.

Luna followed behind me still giggling, Chrysalis wore a small smile while Celestia stood next to her with confusion plastered on her face.

"That movie....made no sense."

I chuckled and threw my head back to address her.

"It's not supposed to. That's where the comedy lies."

The three of us walked home and went to our respective rooms. I sat down at my computer and launched Fallout: New Vegas. I laughed and patted my monitor.

"Of all the things on this beautiful planet, I missed you most of all."

I heard a loud shout come from outside. Unfortunately it was Luna's Canterlot Voice.

"BLUE SHELLS ARE THE WORK OF EVIL! I WILL THROW YOU INTO A DUNGEON WHEN WE GET BACK, CHRYSALIS!"

I laughed harder and began walking to Freeside to have a chat to the Kings about me getting a hold of a certain cyberdog as a companion.