Candy Apples: Crackshipping Applejack and Bon Bon

Lyra held the truffle in her magic and licked her lips slowly. Bon Bon may have had a few personal issues, but nopony could deny that she made the most excellent chocolates in this quarter of Equestria. And Lyra was more than willing to work for her if she provided truffles every time she went on break.

Ok, truffle. Singular, as in just one. And her breaks were few and far between. But still. They'd been friends forever, and Lyra really didn't mind giving her a helping hoof around the shop.

Extending her tongue, she licked the truffle and smiled as the taste of exquisite chocolate flickered over her tongue. Truffles like these didn't come along very often (that means that although Bon Bon was a professionalist who wouldn't stop until they were perfect, Bon Bon was also a lazy slacker who hated taking the time to actually make them right) and so needed to be savored. Lyra opened her mouth and held it close, ready to be taken away into a universe of chocolatey paradise.

Unfortunately, the universe she was currently in had other plans. Or maybe it was just jealous.

Either way, right at that moment, Bon Bon burst into the room, and the opening door clipped Lyra right on the horn, disrupting the magic and sending the chocolate falling right onto the ground..

“My truffle!” Lyra whined, rubbing her horn.

“It'll be fine, five second rule and such,” Bon Bon said dismissively as she walked right by the distraught unicorn. She carried a roll of papers under one leg. “I've got big plans for the future of my shop! Big plans, I say!”

Lyra lifted her truffle and tried to wipe it off. Luckily, Bon Bon always had her sweep every so often, so the floor was fairly dust free, but still. She weighed her options. Eat it, or not?

“Don't you want to hear about my big plans?” Bon Bon asked.

Lyra sighed and popped the truffle into her mouth. She had a feeling she was going to need it. “I'm sure you'll tell me anyway,” she said.

“Too right I will! I'm thinking, I need to expand my horizons a bit. Try something new. Be a better pony than I was before.”

Lyra opened her mouth.

“No, that doesn't mean you're getting a raise.”

Lyra shut her mouth.

“It means that I'm going to develop and sell... pause for dramatic effect... caramel apples.” Bon Bon held out her hooves, as if expecting thunderous applause.

She got a confused unicorn cocking her head instead. “What's so special about that?”

“So special about tha- Lyra! Come on! This is serious! Look. With caramel apples, I can appeal to our taste for sugar and I can claim health benefits from apples. It's perfect.”

“Isn't that cheating?” Lyra asked. “Making something sound healthier than it really is?”

“Maybe, but no one complains that the labels I put on my truffles only list a third of the actual calories either, now, do they?”

“You what?”

“Never mind.” Bon Bon pulled out her papers and spread them all across the counter. “Just look at these plans! Genius, I say!”

Lyra knew that there were times to trust and times not to trust Bon Bon. Whenever she was dealing with chocolates and candies, though, it was usually safe to trust her. She walked closer and took a look.

“Check these out. I can make regular ones, brownie-flavored ones, cookie dough flavored ones, ones with strawberry glaze drizzled on top and—this one's my favorite so far—cheesecake caramel apples, with a gentle coating of actual cheesecake crust on the outside. Am I genius or what?” She looked up to see Lyra's reaction, and her expectant smile turned into a frown. “Are you drooling on my papers?”

“Nuh,” Lyra said, quickly wiping at her mouth.

Bon Bon swiped her papers away. “Good! Now that you're on board with my plan, go find me some apples.”

“How many?”

“Lots! These are going to sell like hotcakes!”

“Are you sure you want to use that phrase? Hotcakes don't actually sell very well,” Lyra pointed out.

“Did I ask you? Go get me some apples!” And with that, Bon Bon physically pushed Lyra out the door and shut it behind her.

* * *

Bon Bon looked up as the bell over the door rang, and a smile spread across her face. “Oh, thank goodness you're back,” she said. “Sales really go out the window when you leave.”

Lyra smiled and nodded. She wouldn't tell Bon Bon to her face, but there were ponies who would actually go out of their way to avoid the shop when Bon Bon was the only one present. Bon Bon liked to joke that she only kept Lyra around as a pretty face for selling, and that was unfortunately more or less true.

“So where are the apples?”

“I didn't actually bring any.” Lyra held up a hoof to stop Bon Bon's eminent rant and continued, “but I did contract with a local farmer pony to provide a few bushels of apples for our first round of tests.”

“I don't need to test,” Bon Bon protested, crossing her forelegs. “My chocolates are always perfect!”

Lyra's gaze flattened. “The time you mixed fudge, peanut butter, and sugar in a 5-2-6 ratio?”

“Ok, once,” Bon Bon conceded. "And besides, I don't think I was completely sober at the time."

“And the Luscious Lozenges. I couldn't look anypony in town in the eyes for a week.”

“Two times! How was I supposed to know that that flower also acted as an aphrodisiac? It added the smooth texture like it was supposed to!” Bon Bon shook her head. “Look, this really isn't important now. All I want to know is, when do I get my apples?”

“Probably within the next hour or so.”

“An hour? That’s forever!” Bon Bon sighed dramatically. “It’s ok, you tried. When 'local farmer pony' shows up, send him into the back. I’m going to go make something.”

Lyra grinned. Bon Bon always made chocolates when she was bored. Sure, they were the middling-quality quick and dirty kind, but they were tasty and there were always plenty of leftovers, which Lyra was only too happy to help dispose of. It was a miracle she wasn’t fatter, really.

*  *  *

Bon Bon cooed at the row of chocolates in front of her. “And a little bit of creme filling for you, a little caramel for you, and I think you could use a little drizzle of white chocolate. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Ahem?"

Bon Bon jumped as she heard a pony behind her. She spun around to see an orange earth pony, wearing a hat over her long yellow mane. She had the hat pulled down over her eyes, but Bon Bon was sure she could see her laughing silently underneath it.

“When I say they're made with love, I mean it!” she snapped, defending herself.

The new earth pony pushed her hat up, finally revealing her green eyes. “Ah'd say ‘made with a hearty helpin' of crazy’, but then again, you ain't seen our zap apple ritual yet.”

Visions of altars covered in chicken blood and candles on pentagrams flooded Bon Bon's mind. She shook her head to clear it. “Whatever. You got my stuff?”

“If you've got my bits.”

Bon Bon shook her head. “Not yet. You’ll get paid if they sell. These are very experimental products, and I can’t pay unless they sell.”

The orange pony put her hoof down firmly. “Nothin’ doin’," she said. "These are farm fresh apples that were growin’ on the tree not twenty minutes ago. If’n you don’t want ‘em, Ah’ll just wander over to the open market and get some bits that way.”

“Oh, come on! This is investing! You gotta take a risk, farmpony!”

“Investin’ usually means the investor sees that the investee has somethin’ goin’ for her, and thinks it’s worth the risk. All Ah see from you is a big, fat, load o’ nothin’, and that ain’t no way to raise capital.”

Bon Bon blinked. “I’m not entirely sure what you said, but I think I’m insulted.”

The orange pony rolled her eyes and translated. “No bits, no apples.”

“Fine! I’ll just get my apples elsewhere! From somepony who actually has an eye for business!”

The orange pony snorted. “Good luck.” And without a glance back, she turned and walked out.

Bon Bon growled and began to pace. “I can’t believe this! The nerve of that pony.” Looking around, she realized she was alone, and since there’s no point in ranting if there’s nopony else around to hear it, she opened the door and walked back into the shop proper.

“I can’t believe this!” she complained loudly, making Lyra jump. “The nerve of that pony!”

“You mean the way she refused to give you anything until you paid her? Oh, the depravity,” Lyra deadpanned.

"Oh, she'll see," Bon Bon glowered. "She won't sell any of those apples and then she'll come crawling back to me, begging me to accept her gifts of apples in exchange for a bite of my profits and I'll look down and I'll whisper, 'no'."

Lyra scratched the back of her neck. "But wouldn't that mean that you won't have any apples for your caramel apples idea?"

"Shut up!" Bon Bon turned to leave. "I'm going back to the drawing board. Go sweep the floor or something."

Lyra rolled her eyes but got up and went for the broom.

*  *  *

Closing time. One of any shopkeeper's favorite times of day. Sure, it's important to love your job, and sure, everypony likes making money, but sometimes you just want to go home, lay down on your bed, cast a silencing spell around your room, and play your lyre loudly and to your heart's content, and just pretend like the world outside doesn't exist for a little while.

At least, Lyra certainly did. And there were bonus points if Bon Bon brought some extra chocolates home that she could snack on. That part of the world could stay. Bon Bon always stayed at the shop afterwards for some reason. She liked experimenting, but today she was really stressed. Maybe she'd be so stressed she'd mess up on a batch of truffles and Lyra would have to eat them all...

Her fantasies were interrupted by the shop bell, and that same orange farm pony from earlier entered.

"Why hello there, Lyra," she said. "Ah'm really hankerin' for something sweet and chocolatey. What you got on special?"

While Lyra explained what she had, Bon Bon poked her head out from the back.

"Lyra, I'm out of paper agai- oh." Her expression quickly dropped. "It's you."

"Mm-hm," the orange pony said. She turned back to Lyra. "Anything with cherries inside? Ah have a friend that grows cherries and Ah'm kindof partial to them myself."

"Indeed we do!" Lyra said cheerfully. She pointed out the chocolates in question, and the orange pony was convinced.

"Great. Ah'll take eight." While still talking to Lyra, she turned and looked at Bon Bon. “And ya know what? Ah’ll be payin’ with the bits Ah earned from sellin’ those apples at the market today. Sure was a better idea than investin’ in somethin’ without any proof at all, and a lot better for my sack of bits.”

Bon Bon turned to Lyra and frowned. "Is she mocking me? I think she's mocking me."

Lyra tallied up the farmer’s purchases and answered in a voice so full of sarcasm it was almost dripping onto the floor. "Oh, no. Why ever would she do such a thing?"

"I don't like your attitude, missy," Bon Bon spat. "I'll be in the back if you need me." And with that, Bon Bon stomped off into the back room and slammed the door.

“She’s... somethin’ else, isn’t she?” the farmer said.

“That’s putting it lightly,” Lyra grinned. “Here you are.”

"Thank you kindly."

"Maybe we'll see you again," Lyra said.

"Yeah," the farmer said, grinning broadly. "Maybe when she gets her head out of her plot and grows some business sense."

"I heard that!" Bon Bon shrieked from the kitchen.

"Good!" the farmer retorted. "Learn from it!" Still grinning widely, she turned and left.

"I like her," Lyra said to herself. "I hope she comes back soon."

*  *  *

Lyra looked up from her daisy sandwich. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor," she warned.

"I don't care,” Bon Bon said, still pacing furiously. “I'm still mad at that farmer."

"You know, you could always buy a couple apples, make some prototype caramel apples, and show her what you're going to make. That might help persuade her to invest a bit. Or, you know, you could just pay her for the apples anyway."

Bon Bon shook her head. "That means she would win, though. I can't have that."

Lyra chewed on her lower lip. "You're going to get your apples and sell them, and make money while doing it. I think you both win here."

"And that is why you are a musician and not an entrepreneur," Bon Bon said dismissively.

Lyra shrugged as she shoved the test of her sandwich in her mouth. "Haere," she said, which Bon Bon interpreted as "whatever". She turned and left, probably to play her lyre.

Bon Bon continued to pace. There's no way she was going to let some farmer pony outwit her. No way, no how.