Candy Apples: Crackshipping Applejack and Bon Bon

It was a bright and happy morning all across Ponyville... except in Bon Bon’s kitchen. Lyra sadly tipped the third burnt pancake into the trash can. While her control of timing was great by virtue of being a musician, she really had trouble getting the pan to the right temperature. Cooking was more of Bon Bon's thing, anyway, but she was still cooped up in her room and probably still plotting revenge.

As if on cue, Bon Bon walked in. She glanced at the pan for only a second before rendering her verdict. "Batter's too thin for a pan that hot," she said.

Lyra lowered the flame. "Better?"

"Passable."

"You want to take over?" Lyra asked hopefully. She hoped to have something edible for breakfast this morning.

"No time! I have a secret plan to ruin that farmpony and all her business!"

Lyra hesitated as she poured in another scoop of batter. "Do I want to ask?"

"I'm assuming that you do."

Lyra sighed. "Ok. What is it?"

"I can't tell you," Bon Bon said dismissively. "That would ruin the whole ‘secret plan’ part!"

Lyra rolled her eyes and turned back to her pancake. She flipped it, and was pleasantly surprised to see it a golden brown (as opposed to its usual charred black).

"I'll call you when I'm done with phase one, because I'm going to need your unicorn magic for phase two." And with that, Bon Bon walked out the door. After a few seconds, she returned, walking over to the stove and smacking the pan handle, flipping the pancake into the air. Reaching out, she caught it with her teeth, and then walked out the door again.

Lyra shook her head. Bon Bon really needed to relax.

*  *  *

Lyra waved goodbye as yet another happy pony left. The morning crowd was thin but faithful, and Lyra enjoyed seeing them. She glanced up as the bell rang again, announcing a newcomer, and her eyebrows raised as she saw Bon Bon enter, carrying a bucket in her mouth.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Phase two," Bon Bon replied, setting down the bucket. "I need you to get these worms into the apples."

"Worms?" Lyra, now morbidly curious, walked over and took a look.

Sure enough, the bucket she carried was full of dirt and bright pink, squirming earthworms. Lyra squealed and jumped on top of the counter. "Why are you bringing worms into a candy shop?" she asked, her voice shooting an octave or so higher than normal.

"Because nopony likes wormy apples, and if we get the farmer's apples all wormy, then nopony will buy them. That means she'll have no choice but to sell to me!" Bon Bon dusted a hoof against her chest. "It's brilliant, really."

"But wouldn’t that mean your candy apple idea is going to go south, too?" Lyra asked hesitantly. "If you get your apples from Sweet Apple Acres and they have wormy apples, won't nopony buy your apples either if they know you got them from Sweet Apple Acres? 'Cause they'd think they're wormy, too, right?"

Bon Bon paused. As much as she hated to admit it, Lyra did have a point. "Great,” she sighed. “What am I going to do with all these worms now?"

"You do know that these aren’t even the same kind of worms as the kind that live in apples, don't you?"

"Psh!" Bon Bon scoffed. "Who died and made you queen of the animal kingdom?” She sighed. “Whatever. Get rid of them."

Lyra shuddered. "But... but wooorms..." she protested.

"Fine!” Bon Bon huffed. “I'll do it myself. I have to do everything around here anyway..."

*  *  *

Around lunchtime, Lyra jumped as Bon Bon burst back into the shop.

“I have another plan!” she said happily.

The unicorn couldn’t suppress a frown. “What is it now?”

“I have decided to forgo the use of actual confrontation and merely attack her ad caballio.”

Lyra paused. “You’re going to insult her as a pony?”

“No. You’ll see. Come on!”

Lyra rolled her eyes, but followed Bon Bon out of the shop, pausing only long enough to flip the ‘open’ sign to read ‘back in 15’.

A few minutes later, Lyra found herself hiding in a bush next to Bon Bon, watching the farmer working at her stand. She seemed to be quite content.

Hmm. She really should learn her name.

“What exactly are we watching for?” Lyra asked.

“Just wait.”

“Ok, but what are we waiting for?” Lyra asked.

“I set a special trap. You know how you smoke out bees so they get slow and don’t attack?”

Lyra already had a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Yeah...?"

“I did that to a beehive, and then I loaded it into a slingshot with a delayed fire device.”

“You did what??” Lyra gasped.

Bon Bon rubbed her hooves together gleefully. “The hive of bees should be flying right at her any time now.”

“How did you even set that up?” Lyra asked. “It seems like a whole lot of work for something that might not even work.”

Bon Bon patted her demeaningly on the head. “My brilliance is a bit too much for your little brain to comprehend, so let’s just skip the explanation that would probably go over your head anyway.”

Lyra rolled her eyes and looked back at the orange pony. She seemed to be having an in-depth conversation with Pinkie Pie. Lyra may have been terrible with names, but nopony can ever forget the first time they saw Pinkie Pie.

She watched as the two ponies laughed, but then Pinkie Pie scrunched her nose. A split second later, both ponies figuratively flew underneath the apple cart, even going so far as to pull their tails completely under.

“Either she’s a fillyfooler with an itch that just won’t go away, or something’s going down,” Lyra said. Realizing that Pinkie Pie was part of her equation, Lyra quickly decided that it was probably the second option, and it would be wise to make herself scarce.

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “She can’t hide from the bees! I'm telling you, bees are nature's vilest creatures.”

"Worms,” Lyra corrected even as she backed away.

“Look, enough with the worm thing, ok?” Bon Bon said without taking her eyes off the cart. “I apologized.”

"You did not," Lyra protested. Suddenly, her eyes widened, and she turned and sprinted away.

"Where are you going?" Bon Bon asked. "Turncoat!"

"I don't even wear coats!" Lyra protested. "I like being naked!"

"Traitor!" Bon Bon spat. "And what's with that buzzing noi- AAAGHHHH!"

*  *  *

Bon Bon sat in the tub, looking wet, bedraggled, itchy, and absolutely miserable.

"At least you're not allergic to bee stings," Lyra offered as comfort.

Bon Bon merely grunted and lifted her foreleg, allowing the soothing washcloth Lyra held in her magic access to her underside.

There was silence for a few moments, punctuated only by small splashes as Bon Bon shifted her body.

“I’m thinking it’s in your best interest to just pay her,” Lyra said gently. "At the very least, it's the most pain-free option."

"I still haven't tried my termite idea," Bon Bon protested.

Lyra dropped the washcloth and glared. "Bon Bon, your shop and half your tools are made of wood. There is no possible way that could end well. And besides, termites don't work as fast as you think they do."

"You know a lot about creepy-crawlies," Bon Bon said suspiciously.

"I don't mind bugs," Lyra said. "I just don't like worms." She shuddered again.

Bon Bon sighed. "Fine... I'll think it over."