Love Songs and Tooth Picks

"Welcome, chillllldren to K.I.L.L.I.T. RADIO!"

"Today we are talking about this latest internet craze, you either know someone doing it, or have heard of it. Everyone remembers BRONIES right? Those creepy adult fans of My little pony friendship is magic? Well, some of them seem to be using various CGI and editing to make themselves look like they are actually turning INTO ponies! I for one, know nothing of the topic beyond that, so call right on in with questions, comments, or just call in to tell us all how stupid you think I am. You know the drill folks!"

The radio DJ stopped talking as a few commercials started to play. No one in the car said a word as we waited for him to come back on with his first caller.

"So then, caller, what is your view on this whole situation?"

"Well, two days ago I zoned out for a bit, only to later realize that I had berry marks on either of my legs. I assumed that someone ink'd me while I was out of it, to f**k with me on my birthday, so I went and tried to get them removed. The guy at the parlor ended up trying to kick me out, saying  I had to be fucking with him or something. Nothing worked to get them off! So I went about my day until yesterday I realised I was walking on my tip toes, and it was uncomfortable to do otherwise. I took a nap, and woke up with a mother f***ing tail! I walked into my bathroom and boom! mother f***ing pony ears on my head. As you can imagine, it was surreal as hell, so I just went to bed. Today I woke up with god dang hooves for feet, and that's just the start of what's been fucking with me today. MY D**K IS GONE! I've got an endless craving for wine, and purple f***ing fur is rapidly covering my legs. I literally had to get someone else's help to dial this number, I can't quite use my fingers right anymore. My 'view' on the whole situation is that this is the worst week of my 25 year old life! " The caller stopped his rant to pant loudly into his phone, before slamming down on the receiver and hanging up.

"Well, everybody... It looks like the one common thing between everyone who is supposedly 'dealing' with this is that their 25th birthday was on May 1st. My producer is telling me to change the topic, so here is the weather!

Snow shut the radio off as we all sat in silence yet again.

"So, it looks like someone is turning into Berry Punch somewhere near here." Gate said, rubbing her chin.

"Berry who?" I asked.

"Berry Punch, essentially the town drunkard for Ponyville. I had honestly expected that to be who snow would have ended up becoming, seeing as how he's a bartender."

"Well, I don't particularly mind the free mass-muscle build up that's happening."

"What do you mean?"

"As of last week I had trouble bench pressing 150 pounds." He pulled the car over to a curb and turned it off. "Watch this."

He got out of the car and walked to the front. He ducked down out of our line of sight, so we all just looked at each other. The car began tilting, first a little, then a lot. Soon, we were almost vertical and we heard a shout from outside of the car.

"YYYYEEEAAAHHHH! FUCK GRAVITY! I'M A GOD DANG PEGASUS! GRAVITY AINT GOT NOTHING ON ME, BITCHES!"

"Yeah, that's nice, mind putting the car down? I'm about to lose my lunch!" Twinkle was almost greener than my fur.

"Fine fine fine, wimps." He just dropped the car, letting it fall on it's own weight. Once it was inside I gave him quite the glare.

"You know, that is a wonderful way to ruin your suspension."

"You are kidding me right? At this rate I won't need a car for very long! What part of 'I'm a god dang pegasus' didn't you hear?" He laughed again. "So, Twinkle, where is your house?"

"Jus-Just a few more houses down. It's the brown one on the left."  Snow decided to start whistling an improvised tune as he drove.

As we pulled into the drive way, Twinkle immediately jumped out of the passenger seat and onto her knees on the ground. The sound of her wrenching was enough to make me sick to my own stomach, but I managed to choke it back down.

Once she was done, she just walked inside. I looked at Snow. "Do us all a favor, and let Twinkle stay on the ground? That was disgusting."

He just grinned smugly. "Wimps." He leaned his seat back a bit and reclined with his hooves on the dashboard. Putting his freakishly muscular arms behind his head, he started snoring. It took only seconds for me to realize that Gate was out cold as well.

Rolling my eyes, I got out of the car and walked up to Twinkle's open door. "Hey! Twinkle! You need any help with anything? Those two are out cold."

A pink covered head leaned into view from a nearby window. "Nah! Just gimme a second. I'm almost done."

"Alrighty then man." I started to turn around, but thought better of it. "Hey! Mind if I use your bathroom real fast?"

I heard a faint shout from across the house. "Yeah! Its upstairs, first door on the left, help yourself."

The instant I opened the door, my nostrils were assaulted with a powerful scent. It took me a moment to realise what the smell was, but by time I did, I spotted Twinkle spraying deodorant on herself nearby. "Really? That stuff smells like piss! What are you doing?"

"I'd rather smell like urine than strawberries." She shrugged, and walked outside. "Lock the door on your way out, please."

"Alrighty." I looked over to a nearby stair case, and then down at my own clunky hooves. I was having trouble even walking with them, stairs were going to suck.

I was right, they did. I fell eleven times and gave up and just crawled up them. The bathroom was clean, but working my new machinery downstairs proved as challenging as the stairs. Going back down the stairs was a simple, straightforward manner, straight into the floor at least.

I got back into the car and received three confused looks. "Whats with the black eye?"

"Your stairs are very solid, Twinkle." This elicited a round of laughter for everyone but me. Jerks.

The drive back to my apartment consisted of little chatter. Snow already knew where Gate and I lived, from driving us home on the occasion where we both got a bit too tipsy, so there wasn't even directions being spoken. It was rather awkward.

When we got there, Gate practically sprinted inside. I was a bit more casual about getting out of the car, but still in a hurry. If there was one thing that I was determined to make sure of, is that I had my possessions. When I got to the apartment I saw Gate standing outside the door. "Uhh Gate? What are you staring at?" His finger slowly lifted, pointing at the doorknob.

There sat a lone, blue eyed, black beetle. It stared up at us, unmoving. "B-b-bug. Big... bug..."

"I-I'll go get Snow." Gate sprinted back outside, leaving me with this beast.

It just stared at me in all of it's horrific maliciousness,  until a certain muscle-bound maniac came running down the hall, roaring like a freight train.  "WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S WRONG? WHO'S SCARING YOU TWO?"

I just pointed at the bug. He looked at it, and then at me, and then at Gate. "Seriously? You two are this scared of a tiny little beetle?"

We nodded in unison, he shook his head. A lone, massive hand grabbed the doorknob and the beetle at once. He tightened his grip, and crushed both with a sickening crunch. "There, it's dead. Now I need my nap, if you don't mind." He walked back outside, leaving Gate and I looking after him.

"Dude, he showed that bug who's boss." I nodded my head at that and we went inside.

My first stop, was my bedroom. I grabbed an old messenger bag and set it on my bed. Let's see here... what will I bring. I opened up my closet and withdrew an old black hoodie, it was a bit too small for me before all of this started, but judging by how I had been gradually decreasing in overall size... I would rather have a too-big thing I can still technically wear, as opposed to nothing.

I threw the hoodie on to see that I was right, it was too big. I left it on anyways, and grabbed several pairs of socks and stuffed them in the bag.  There was still a little more room for things, so I grabbed stack of blank sheet music and two pens, because you never know when an idea will hit you. Slinging the bag over one shoulder, and my violin case over the other, I said good bye to my bedroom for what very well may have been the last time.

I walked into the living room and saw something rather disgusting. Gate was sitting on the couch, playing with the Lyra Plushie. By 'playing with' I do not mean he was using it as a puppet.

"Oh, oh god dude, really? You seriously kept that?"

He nodded eagerly. "And I'm going to keep keeping it. It's great for holding a toothbrush." I could have sworn I heard him think Among other things...

"That is just gross Gate, I don't know if I should hurl or hit you."

"What's so bad about it?"

I gave him my best 'are you fucking kidding me?' face "It's a plushie that looks like how I will. That is just creepy man! Imagine if I had a Colgate plushie, and was putting things in it."

"You already put things -IN- me, so we're even on that."

I facepalmed and walked over to the kitchen. "Just get some things together and meet me in the car." I grabbed a bottle of water and walked outside to the car. Snow was sitting on the hood, watching the clouds, and Twinkle was listening to the radio.

Snow looked over at me, wearing that same cocky ass grin he always has. "Dude, what's with you? You look like you just saw a ghost."

I just nodded. "Gate has a Lyra Heartstrings Plushie. "

"That's creepy."

"And it has a ...hole in the back.."

"Oh... ew..."

"Yeah, I'm just going to try my best and forget about it."

It was several minutes before Gate made his way back out to meet us, duffel bag over one shoulder. She was wearing a simple white t-shirt and basketball shorts. The shorts must of had a hole in the back of some form, I assumed because her tail was swishing as she walked.

"Ready to go when you guys are." We all just looked at her for a minute. "What? Is there something on my face?"

"No, you are the one who's been coming up with the plan, I assumed you would know what to do next."

"I dunno, how about we try and get away from town, maybe into the forest or something?"

"No way, I don't care if I'm turning into some flying horse thing, I'm not living like some animal."

"Well, I have no idea then." Gate looked over at me. "You got any ideas?"

"My only idea right now is to try and not let it be widely known that I'm turning into a pony. God knows the government is probably going to start rounding up pony-people and quarantine us or something. Maybe they'll start doing weird experiments or some crap like that."

Snow got a good laugh at that. "Hey, if we're lucky, maybe they'll send us off to area 51 and we can meet all the aliens!"

I grumbled and looked away. "Hey, all I'm saying is that they are going to try SOMETHING, and it's probably in our best interest to not be around when they do."

Gate had thinky face again. "She does make a good point. There isn't a chance in hell that everyone is going to just let this happen and then pretend it didn't."

"Uhh... I suppose you two are right. But where should we hide until this blows over?"

Twinkle seemed to have woken up without anyone noticing. "My grandpa built a bomb bunker out in the mountains, we could go there. He showed me once when I was a kid, it might still be unoccupied."

"Yeah, but bunkers usually have ladders to get in and out. Stairs are hard enough with hooves, I don't want to try climbing a ladder once we lose our hands."

She just nodded. "Good point."

Snow got off the hood of the car and stretched a little. "Well, we could just go back to my place for the time being, instead of sitting out here on the side of the road."

"I like that idea." I said.

We drove back to Snow's house, while Twinkle scanned the radio for any more news. Apparently nothing was known about the event other than what we already know form personal experience.

We pulled into Snow's driveway and were about to get out until we saw the car doors were still locked.

"Uhh, you gonnna let us out, Snow?"

"I just realised something, I can't flick the switch for the door locks. My fingers are just sort of all bleh"

"Now that I think of it, how were you even driving with hooves?" Gate said.

"I don't even know! I was just doing it, now that I'm thinking of it, it makes no sense!"

I just groaned. "If you don't unlock the door, I'm going to bust the window out."

"NO! NO NO! I CAN GET IT, JUST HANG ON! Don't hurt my baby! I just paid her off last month!"

It was several minutes until he gave up the useless attempt at using his hands to do things. Eventually, he decided to just use his mouth. Disgusting, who knows what's touched that thing. I can't believe he just put his mouth on it.

Once we were all out, we stumbled one by one into the house. "Am I the only one having trouble walking?" Twinkle had said.

"Nope, I think itll be best if we all just go to sleep." I looked over at a clock on the wall, it was  nearly 6pm.

"It's a bit early for that, don't you think Heart?"

"A tad, but I'm tired and going to sleep anyways. If I wake up in another compromising position with any of you," I glared at Gate, "The nearest person is getting a hoof to the chin." That earned me three funny looks, as I hobbled into the guest bedroom.