Shanghaied by Ponies ?!?!?!

“Why do places like this always smell like the inside of a sewer?”

Canterlot, though one of Equestria’s shining jewels, had a seedy underbelly like every city in the world. If you knew where to look, you could find a few ‘inns’ and ‘taverns’ where one could play dice, buy comfort for a night, and, if someone really needed it, a place where they could find a crazy captain to go on an adventure with.

On this particular night, the stars were shining brightly and a half-moon was jutting out of the sky, casting an eerie glow on the worn-down buildings, giving the place an almost spooky quality.

Or at least it looked spooky to a certain alicorn princess as she made her way through the streets, her eyes darting around as she looked out for would-be robbers and cutthroats. Admittedly, it was a silly fear—even with its ‘seedy underbelly’ Canterlot was one of the safest cities in the world—but she couldn’t help but keep an eye out, just in case.

“A two-thousand year old princess and I have to resort walking through the streets like some thief in the night,” she grumbled, adjusting her hood on her body as she looked around.

But it will all be worth it if I find him, she thought to herself, blinking while the wind started to pick up.

It had taken days, bits, and more ponypower than she cared to admit, but she finally had found out where he spent his nights: at a local bar not far from here.

“Where is that bar?” she murmured, stopping in the middle of the street to look at the neon signs. “They said that it would—“

And there it was, right across the road-- the only building that didn’t have a sign-- was a rundown building with a set of push doors and an anchor leaning right next to it…for some reason.

Despite herself, the princess snorted. “Twilight called it ‘The Salty Anchor’ if I remember correctly. Not the most exotic of names, but I suppose this is a haven for sailors.”

Steeling herself, she made her way toward the building, frowning when she saw the state of disrepair it was in. Where most of the buildings in her city were built with stone, this one was made of what looked like pine wood, the planks rotting and splintered and covered in mold and moss. Then there was the sound: bad music playing so loudly that it almost looked like the building was shaking under the abuse.

All-in-all, it was a building that wasn’t worth the nails that held it together, like all good dens.

When this adventure is over, I believe that this part of the city will be seeing a health inspector and a wrecking crew, she thought, taking a deep breath before walking through the doors.

The sounds of flutes and bagpipes and yelling and things breaking hit her like a punch to the stomach as she stood at the entrance, resisting the urge to jam her wings in her ears to drown out the sound. Coughing and ruffling her feathers under her cloak, she surveyed the smoky and dimly-lit room.

Yep, this place is going to be condemned. I don’t care what it’ll do for our trade. I’m going to have all of these buildings torn down and set up a playground for the foals or something else less…. filthy.

The Salty Anchor was as mean on the inside as it was on the outside, with just a bar, a few broken tables and chairs, and a load of routy ne'er do wells filling the building to the point of bursting. Said ne’er-do-well’s stopped what they were doing to look at her while the music abruptly cut off.

Just stay calm, they don’t know who you are. All you need to do is find him and then you can go home.

The bartender, an earth pony who was cleaning a mug with a dirty rag, raised an eyebrow at her. Spitting in the mug—the alicorn shuddering in disgust—he said, “Did ya need something, lass?”

A minotaur, who was sitting at a table in the corner of the bar, raised a mug. “I’m sure the mare is just looking for a good night; ain’t that right?”

Mother, give me strength, she thought before clearing her throat.

“Actually, I’m looking for somepony; somepony very important.” She looked around at each and every one of them. “ A captain that goes by the name of Strider,” she said, blinking in confusion when everyone in the room started to laughed at her.

“Ol’ Strider?” a gryphon chortled. “Whatcha want him for? Last I heard, he ain’t into ponies.”

She let them laugh a little longer before saying,“I need him to get me to the Sky Lands.”

Just like that, the room was dead silent, everyone in the room looking at her like she had just grown an extra head, looks of fear on everyone in the room while they pawed at their swords and flintlocks.

They shouldn’t have those weapons. Despite that little voice in the back of her telling her to run away--or at least call the guard-- she stood her ground. Yep, these buildings are gone when I get back, she thought before the yelling started, the alicorn taking a step back at the abuse.

“Getting outta here!”

“Yer a mad mare!”

“Just let somepony shoot ya; that’s a better death than what you want!”

“Are ya outta yer bloomin’ mind?!” a batpony, who was decked out in a rather dashing vest with a pair of pistols hanging from his sides, shouted over the crowd while looking around the room nervously. “It’s—“

He stopped when a figure at the bar raised a hand to quiet him, the rest of building going silent as they stared at the two. “Moon, it’s alright lad,” Not looking back, the figure waved her over. “Come here, lass. Lemme get a good look at ya.”

She narrowed her eyes at the strange biped with a black tri-fold on his head, her princess-y instincts’ telling her that there was something… special about him. Sure, she was a little nervous when she saw the sword that was hanging from his hip, but she was pretty sure that she would be able to defend herself if she had to. Probably.

Exhaling the breath that she didn’t know until now she had been holding, the princess trotted toward the counter.

“Get the lady a glass of milk, Cool Water, with a clean glass; not the one in your hoof,” the figure said, looking over his shoulder at her.

It has been a LONG time since I’ve last seen a human, she thought as she sat on the stool next to him.

The creature in front of her was large: almost six and a half hooves tall if she had to guess. His hair-- on his head at least-- was dark and short but wild-looking, as was the small patch on his chin.

His frame bear-like was wrapped in a long black coat, so worn and aged that its color almost looked grey in the candlelight, and he had a big black leather boot on one of his feet to finish off the whole ‘Captain’ thing quite nicely.

His beard had a few grey hairs in it but he had one of those faces that made it impossible to tell how old he was, his face rough and leathery yet it looked like a smile would come to his lips easily. In fact, as she looked up at him, she couldn’t help but smile as his kind grey eyes looked down at her.

I hope that that’s not leather he’s wearing, she idly thought as a glass of what she hoped was milk slid across the counter and into her hoof.

“Thank you, Mr…”

“I’m the one you’re looking for, Princess Celestia,” he answered, smirking as the princess gawked at him. “If you’re looking for someone like me, send someone else next time, lass. You’re the biggest bleedin’ pony in this country of your’s.”

He took a sip of his drink as she looked at her. “So what does a Princess of Equestria want with a cripple like me?” He swirled his drink in mock-boredom. “Better yet, why has a Princess of Equestria been looking for me for the past three days?”

Celestia, Diarch of Equestria and Lady of the Sun, resisted the urge to look down at his peg leg--mildly upset that he pointed it out-- while she leaned toward him. “You have been a rather hard man to track down, sir,” she complimented.

The man finished his whiskey with one final swig. “Your guard ain’t hard to get past, Princess. Now what can I do for ya?”

“As I said, I’m looking for—“

“Passage to a land where men go and never come back,” he said in amusement, his grey eyes twinkling as he looked at her. “I promise ya, Princess; that is not a place where ya want ta go, under any circumstances.”

Celestia, adjusting her cloak so she could get a better look at him—now a little shaken because she was already being dismissed— tried to press on. “Mr. Strider, even if I don’t want to go, I fear that I must.”

The captain raised an eyebrow. “And what’s so bloody important that you’d risk your life ta get ta those pissing islands?” He drummed his fingers against the bar nervously. “Risk your life and my life and my crew’s lives.” He leaned toward her.

“Tell me. I want ta know why you’re goin’ through all of this trouble.”

Celestia sighed, looking away from him. “I cannot tell you that.”

He looked at her for a long moment before, with a grunt, he rose from his seat. “Moon, come on, we’re going back to the ship.”

Celestia sputtered while the batpony from before rose from his seat and saluted. “Aye aye, captain!”

Strider looked around the silent room before throwing a small bag of bits on the counter. Of course the lass had to look for me here, he thought, adjusting his head. A princess wouldn’t know that sailors are the fuckin’ worst gossips in the world.

With a growl, he snapped, “And what are you lot gawkin’ at?”

As one, everyone in the bar looked away and began talking to each other and the music started playing back up like nothing had happened. With a nod, Strider slowly made his way toward the exit, his boot and fake leg thumping against the wooden floor loudly as Celestia rose from her seat and trotted after him.

No, I cannot let him go, she thought desperately, throwing open the doors, a rush of cold night air hitting her as she looked around. He is the only one who can help me.

“Mr. Strider!”

The captain didn’t turn around as he and the batpony made their way down the street.

“Mr. Strider, please wait! We can work something out!”

Moon looked at him. “Cappy, maybe we should listen ta the princess,” He gestured a wing toward her. “It wouldn’t be good fer anypony if we start pissin’ around royalty.”

Strider stopped in the middle of the road, a hand on his sword. “Moon, Lad, she wants us to go to the Sky Lands,” He tapped his peg leg against the ground for emphasis. “A place where I’m not taking the Sky Hawk anywhere near, not for all of the gold in the world; not for anything.”

“Please, captain,” the princess said, galloping toward him. “Please just let me explain.”

He growled at her, his eyes shining in the moonlight. “Good gods, Princess, ya haven’t explained a fuckin’ thing ta me yet,” He turned around and spread his arms wide. “So please, go ahead, enlighten me and my first mate as ta why ya need ta go there.”

She looked around warily. “I don’t know if we should discuss this out here...“

“Ya shouldn’t ‘ave talked around it in there,” Moon said offhandedly. “Now everypony with a ship will know that ya want passage to the Sky Lands.”

The alicorn couldn’t help but smile ruefully. Half of the city is going to know by tomorrow anyway, she thought. But he’s right; I shouldn’t have run in there like a foal in a candy store.

That didn’t matter now; what mattered to her was getting the three of them out of this part of the city and for her to get them to agree to her terms before the night was over. I cannot take no for an answer. He’s the only one that can ferry us there with some semblance of safety. Now, where to take them…

Celestia looked around again before her horn started to glow. “Before we get into this, would it be alright it we went to a more… secluded area?”

Strider narrowed his eyes at her before looking down at his leg-- the good one. Yep, it’s hurting, he thought with a sigh. This is going ta be one of those nights…

By now, any captain worth his salt would have already taken off his boots and ran for the hills, but he honestly wanted to hear what the princess had to say. If he didn’t get anything else out of it, at least he could get a good laugh out of what she had to say.

Moon leaned toward him. “Cap, it sounds like a trap,” he muttered out the corner of his mouth.

Strider grinned, nudging him. “Aw, where’s yer sense of adventure?”

The batpony grunted, his ears twitching in irritation. “Alright, but if we get napped then don’t come crying ta me.”

With a little chuckle, Strider looked back at the Princess. “Alright, use yer—“

POP!

“—Magic,” he blinked as he looked around; the rundown buildings had been replaced with mansions and buildings of wood had turned onto ones of stone and steel. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that they had left the slums and ended up in a nicer part of the city.

The captain and first mate glared at the alicorn, who grinned sheepishly. “Would the two of you like to like to join me for a late dinner?” She gestured toward a fancy diner. “We can discuss things while we fill our bellies.”

<~~~~~)

Strider, and arguably Moon, had seen many, many things in their many years of sailing the skies.

Moon had once seen a gryphon dress up as a camel and slap his Emperor right in the face with a rubber chicken and live to tell the tale.

Strider had once seen a sky-whale fighting a Nootka; the two animals ripping each other apart as a horrible storm raged on all around them and destroyed everything in its path.

Neither of the two, in all of their years of sailing, had ever seen a pony clear out a whole restaurant with a smile and a few choice words and then proceed to try to eat half of her weight in ice cream cake.

For politeness’ sake, Strider had taken his hat and bandana off, the two had relinquished their weapons—which Celestia had pointed out they weren’t supposed to be carrying in her city anyway—and he was drinking a glass of ice water, turning down her offer for anything to eat.

Moon, who was happily drinking a glass of apple juice, leaned toward his captain. “Cap, she eats more than half our crew put together.”

Unfortunately for him, Celestia heard that, the alicorn lifting her muzzle from her plate slightly to glare at the batpony while a blush crept up her neck. When she saw Strider fighting to keep the grin off of his face, she smiled and said jokingly, “Oh, my apologies, would you two like some?”

Gods, give me patience. Strider played with his beard absentmindedly. “Princess, could we please get this over with? My ship and I are leaving as soon as the sun rises.” It would be bloody sooner, but since I’m a jackass, I’m here with you…

The Princess looked unsure for a moment before she leaned across the table. “I need passage to the Sky Lands for four ponies, including myself. If we are taken there and back safely, I will personally make sure that you and your crew will never want again for anything.”

“Ya will not set one hoof on my ship unless ya tell me why,” Strider said stubbornly, taking a sip of his water. “Half of my kind died trying to get into that bloody place, and the rest are either drunks, whores, or mad men because of it.” He tapped his peg leg against the floor loudly, startling her.

“I tried the same thing, damn me, and lost a ship, a crew, and my leg,” He looked down at the glass of water in his hands before looking back up at her. “And I count myself lucky for it.”

The fire in her eyes surprised him as Celestia ruffled her feathers. “I already said that I cannot tell you, captain.”

Strider leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Then find someone else to take ya,” he said dismissively. “Ya have a whole fleet of ships in that harbor of yours; use them.”

Celestia slammed a hoof against the table. “I will not risk the lives of my little ponies—“

The captain growled while Moon shrunk back, the big man getting out of his chair explosively. “But you’ll fuckin’ risk ours?!”

The Princess also rose out of her seat, the chair all but thrown across the room as she stood up and made her way toward Strider, the two butting heads.

What the ’ell’s got the two of them so worked up? Moon thought to himself while suddenly wishing that he had his pistols on him.

“You are Strider Longshanks,” Celestia spat. “The Last of the Skylords, the Rider of the Five Winds, He-Who-Survived-Tartarus—“

“And ya expect me ta survive it again? With four passengers that have probably never set foot on a sky ship?!” Because of his size and weight, he forced the alicorn back as he took an angry step forward.

Celestia went on like she hadn’t heard him. “There’s nopony else out there with your skill,” With a grunt, she forced him to take a step back with a hard shove. “You’re the only one out of thousands that made it back alive from the Sky Lands!”

Moon saw that his captain was reaching for a sword that wasn’t at his side. Here’s to hopin’ that he don’t bloody hit her. He raised his glass and took a big gulp of his juice. It’s too buckin’ cold fer running away from the guards fer my taste.

“Tell me why,” Strider growled while horrific scenes played out in his head; scenes from his last journey to that evil place. “I swear ta the gods I’d rather blow my ship ta bloody pieces than go there so you TELL. ME. WHY.”

And like that, Celestia deflated, looking away from the angry captain. “The Sky Lands are located at the top of the world,” she almost whispered. “It is where every ley-line on this earth originates from. It is place so magical that whole islands float in the air like they were pieces of paper in the wind.” She shivered. “And it is where some of this world’s terrors once dwelt in their youth.”

Strider took a step away from her as she continued.

“A few days ago, my sister and I received a message from a very reliable source that there are some worrying things happening there. Worrying things the must be dealt with immediately.” She looked up at him hopefully. “To solve this potential threat, my fellow princesses and I must make the journey there to set things right.”

“And you’re the only ones that can do this?” the captain asked, narrowing his eyes.

She nodded. “We’re the only ones that can do it,” she said, walking past him, levitating her fallen chair toward the table and sitting back down. “Please, Mr. Strider, please sit down. Let us talk about this with cool heads.”

Moon gave him a half-hearted smile, patting the chair next to him. “Come on, Cappy,” he said brightly. “She offered ta feed us; the least we can do is ‘ear her out.”

To Celestia’s immense relief, Strider said down after a moment, his face masked with an unreadable expression.

“I promise you that if there was another way I wouldn’t ask you to do this, but the world needs you, Mr. Strider,” she pleaded, touching his and Moon’s shoulders with her wings. “I have heard that a Skylord maps every new land that he or she navigates through, and your skills as a captain are known worldwide.”

She bowed her head. “Please, I ask you, not as a Princess, not as an alicorn, but as a pony. Please help us save the world from something that desperately wishes to destroy it.”

For a brief, brief moment, Celestia thought that she had him as he stroked his chin thoughtfully, his grey eyes looking at nothing as he pondered, but then he shook his head.

“I’m sorry, Lass,” he said, actually sounding like he was sorry. “But I will not risk my men and my ship for this. You’ll just have to--” He and Moon winced as Celestia sharply pulled her wings away from them, the two blinking at a sudden pricking sensation.

“C-Cap, I don’t f-feel ta good,” Moon muttered beside him, his head drooping and his eyes clouded.

Strider looked at his crew member, frowning, and then blinked in confusion as the world slowly started to melt. “Ya…drugged…us,” he said, trying and failing to rise out of his chair as the Princess looked at him in determination.

Moon was already asleep, snoring quietly in his chair as Strider looked for anything to attack the Princess with.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Strider,” Celestia said, retracting her wings back to her sides. “But you’ve left me no choice.”

Stay…awake…stay. He tried to shake his head but ended up slumping out of his chair, the Princess catching him with her magic before his head hit the ground.

“Bugger all you...ponies,” he whispered, before the world turned pitch-black.

(~~~~>

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Equestria, Queen of the Bookworms, and Princess of Friendship, was trying in vain to sit still as she, Cadance, and Luna waited for Celestia to return; hopefully she would have good news.

Just calm down, Twilight, she thought, taking a deep, shaky breath. The Princess knows what she’s doing. She’ll talk to this captain and we’ll all get there safely and everything will work out.

Already, she missed her friends and Spike, but she knew that, as a Princess, it was her duty to help protect the world from any threat no matter—

“I’m back everypony!”

The princesses’ heads snapped toward the door to see a smiling Celestia poking her head through it.

Luna sighed in relief, getting out of her seat and making her way toward her sister. “Sister,” she said. “How did everything—“

She stopped, and everypony gawked, as Celestia fully entered the room, revealing an unconscious sky ship captain and his first mate slung over her back like sacks of flour.

The white alicorn looked back at her baggage, then looked at her fellow princesses, before saying brightly, “Good news; I have our captain!”

Cadance was the first to recover, walking over and poking Strider with a hoof, flinching when the man let out a sleepy growl. “Um, Aunty?”

Celestia brushed past her niece and gently placed the two onto a couch, the four princesses crowding around at them while they privately tried to piece together what had happened.

“Yes, Cadance?”

Cadance struggled to find the right words. “Did you ponynap these two?”

Twilight snorted. “The Princess would never do anything like that, Cadance,” she said, looking up at her teacher. “Right, Princess?”

Luna looked at her sister, then at the two sailors, before she cast a spell, her horn glowing before she said, “Yep, Celestia drugged these two,” she said calmly while Cadance and Twilight gawked. “If I had to guess, she nicked them both with a sleeping needle. Am I right, Sister?”

Celestia just gave her little sister a sheepish smile as she continued.

“The human here, even while drugged, is still coherent enough to be pretty mad with you, sister mine.”

Twilight had to resist the urge to jump out a window in panic as the ramifications at what she had just heard flashed through her mind. I’m an accomplice to a ponynapping?! OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh!

Celestia looked down at Strider, patting him on the chin. “I had no choice,” she told her fellow alicorns. “He was about to refuse, and we need him to get us there safely to deal with this threat.”

Luna nodded, taking the captain’s hat off of his head and putting it on her own. “She’s right, Twilight and Cadance.” She eyed the weapons that Celestia still had on her back in a way that Twilight didn’t like. “Neither my sister or I have been to the Sky Lands, but this man has.”

She giggled when she saw that he had a peg leg.

“Ooooh, I wonder if he calls his crew salty dogs.” She used a spell, and Strider’s coat was on her body a moment later, although it didn’t fit her frame well; it was too big in the shoulders and too short in the arms.

Trying to get a hold of herself, she cleared her throat and continued, “It may be wrong, but we have no choice, and I’m sure that he will appreciate the reward we will give him when all of us return.”

With another spell, she levitated over an eye patch from a counter and Moon’s flintlocks, strapping them on each flank. “We are some of the most powerful creatures on this planet. I’m sure we’ll be able to handle a few pirates, monsters, and what have you.” She took Strider’s sword, unsheathed it, and pointed it toward the ceiling.

“Sister has made sure that our absences will not cause Equestria harm, we have a famous—“

Strider snored, his legs slowly kicking as he grumbled in his sleep.

“—captain that will sail us to glory.”

Twilight raised a hoof. “Um, Princess Lun—“

Luna hopped up on a sofa and struck a pose. “Now, all we need to do is somehow convince this captain’s crew to let us aboard and to set sail before he wakes up.”

Cadance giggled, walking toward her bags. “Well, I’ll get these then.” She tittered in excitement. “I wonder what it’s like to be on a sky ship!”

Twilight tried to be the rational one in all of this, saying, “We can’t do this.” She pointed toward Moon. “Drugging ponies, abusing our power like—“

Celestia picked up her bags, Strider, and Moon, and made her way toward the door, a small smile on her face while Pirate-Luna galloped around the room excitedly. “It’s for the good of the world, Twilight,” she said to the younger alicorn. “And I have a feeling that by the end of this, the captain and the four of us will be the best of friends.”

“…And we’ll all be laughing when we look back at this?”

Celestia looked up at the floating human. “If all goes well, yes,” Strider snorted again, his eyebrows furrowing as he continued his angry grumbling. “If not then we’ll figure something out.”

(~~~~>

“Here is the ship, my lady.” A guardspony said, saluting as Celestia and her fellow princesses trotted up toward him.

Celestia gave her little pony a thankful smile as she looked around the docking bay—or harbor, as many of the sky ship captains liked to call it—the low humming of the various ships’ thrusters drowning out all other sounds as she stood there.

While not a place where sky ships usually visited, Canterlot boasted one of the largest harbors this side of Manehattan, with a repair shop able to fix everything from a royal navy mare-of-war to a commercial merchant vessel with relative ease.

It’s smaller than I thought it was going to be, Celestia thought, looking up at Strider’s vessel, a simple clipper vessel: a thin, but long ship with three massive sails that almost touched the harbor’s ceiling.

Speed and maneuverability were what it was made for, and it truly was the perfect balance between wood and steel, new and old; though she couldn’t help but notice the gun ports on each side of the little ship, so that soured the sight for the alicorn slightly.

The ship itself was average—as average as a sky ship could be anyway—if well looked after, all four of the ship’s thrusters well-cleaned and maintained as they purred under the ship.

The solar monarch looked back at her guard. “Has there been any activity on the ship, Sergeant?” she asked.

The guardspony shook his head. “Other than the Captain and first mate leaving several hours ago, there hasn’t been a peep out of the ship, Princess.” His gaze wandered over a little to see Princess Luna dressed up as a pirate and a nervous Twilight carrying an unconscious human and batpony in her magic.

An odd sight if he had ever seen one.

You’re not paid to ask questions, he thought to himself, wrenching his gaze back to the Princess. And this isn’t the weirdest thing you’ve seen the princess do…

“Would you like me to escort you onto the ship?”

Celestia shook her head. “No thank you, Sergeant, we’ll handle it from here. You may return to the castle.”

The guardspony bowed. “May you come home safely, Princess.”

Celestia looked back up at the ship, smiling faintly when she saw pairs of glowing eyes staring back at her. They set a guard? Interesting. “We can only hope so, my little pony,” As the guard trotted away, she looked back at Luna. “Now, how about we go and say hello, hum?”

Sometime later…

Strider woke with a gasp, flying up into a sitting position before the thumping in his head caused him to freeze and groan in pain.

“Pissing, fuckin’, hell,” he groaned, looking down to see that he was just in his pants, his fake leg and boot lying next to his bed; his hat, weapons, and coat nowhere to be seen. He blinked, realizing that he was in his Captain’s quarters.

I’m on my bloody ship? he thought, struggling to keep his eyes open as he reached for his peg leg. “This might just be a hangover,” he muttered hopefully, grunting as he slipped his stump through the straps and tightened them. “Whatever happened last night might have just been some weird dream.”

Not bothering to put his shoes on, he slowly limped toward the door. “I swear ta the gods, if that wasn’t a dream…” He threw open the door, blinking at the almost blinding sun. Bloody hell is it bright outside. How long was I out for?

He blinked a few more times, expecting his crew to be doing their jobs, but as his vision cleared, he had to resist the urge to scream in rage when he saw Princess Celestia, not five feet away from him, talking to his shipwright.

“Motherfucker!” he roared, almost shaking in anger as he made his way toward her.

Celestia turned toward him while his crew stopped what they were doing to see what the commotion was all about, the alicorn’s smile vanishing when she saw his murderous look. “Mr. Strider,” she said backing up while he advanced. “Please let me explain—“

“Ya fuckin’ drugged me,” he snarled, before a look of realization slowly came across his face.

By now, the whole crew, and the other three princesses, were all watching the scene unfold on the poop deck, the other princesses watching nervously as the crew looked at each other in confusion.

Strider’s looked changed from angry to livid, Celestia looking around the smallish ship to see if there was a way to get to get away from the big man before he went beserk. “Ya shanghaied me…”

Celestia squeaked when her rump hit a rail. “P-Please, capta—“

“YA SHANGHAIED ME ON MY OWN FUCKIN’ SHIP, YOU BLOODY—“

The Captain was cut off from his yelling fit, and then possible assault and murder of a princess, when the barrel of a flintlock pistol was pressed against his head, which was then followed by someone cocking back the cock of the gun.

“Ye be threaten’ me sister, mate-y,” Pirate-Luna said, adjusting Strider’s hat on her head while the man turned toward her, his eye twitching.

She almost took a step back from the angry, big, shirtless human, but since she was wearing a pirate outfit-- and therefore was suppose to act like she didn’t give a horseapple-- she decided to throw caution to the wind and to tell this ‘captain’ what was what.

“We be commandeering this ship, me-hearty,” she said pressing the pistol against his cheek a little harder. “Now ye—“

If Luna had ever before set sail on a sky ship, or ever even talked to a sailor, she would have realized her mistake as the edges of Strider’s vision slowly started to turn red. A captain’s ship is his baby, and you never tell a father that you’re taking their child away.

Faster than Luna could see, Strider took his hat off her head, slapped her pistol away, picked her up, and tossed her overboard with a snarl as everyone gasped in shock.

Strider himself couldn’t help but smile meanly as the Lunar princess disappeared over the side of the ship with a yelp as he put his hat back where it belonged.

“Luna!” Celestia cried, as the captain picked up the flintlock and pointed it at her.

“Ya. Shanghaied. Me. On my own bloody ship. I. Am. Going. To. Fucking. Shoot. Ya.” It didn’t matter to him that she was a princess, or what the consequences of shooting her would be. He was tired, his head hurt, and he was thoroughly sick and tired of what was happening.

“Um, Cap?” Strider stopped and looked at his crew, all of whom were looking at him in concern.

“Yes, Mr. Claw,” he said, raising an eyebrow at a gryphon, who, gulping, took a step forward.

“Would you mind tell us what’s going on?” He gestured toward the gun that he had stuck in Celestia’s mouth. “Didn’t you agree to—“

“They fuckin’ drugged me, Lad’s,” Strider said sourly. “The lass here wanted us all—“

He blinked as everyone of his crew surrounded him, guns cocked and swords drawn and pointed at him.

“We know, Cap,” one of them said, gingerly taking the pistol out of his hand. “The Princesses explained everything ta us,” They all nodded. “We just needed ta get ya talking fer a bit so ya wouldn’t shoot anypony.”

Strider blinked as the crowd shifted uncomfortably, many of them now realizing that they were actually pointing weapons at their captain. Sure, they had talked about this beforehand, but doing it was something else entirely.

Another one of them, gathering up his courage, added, “We all talked about it, and we decided that we should take the princesses to the Sky Lands.”

“And all of you are doin’ this outta the kindness of yer hearts?” Strider asked dangerously, everyone taking a step back as he looked around.

A minotaur cleared his throat. “Da Princess offered us all a reward,” he said, the rest of them nodding eagerly.

“Yeah,” another said, while a vein bulged out of Strider’s forehead. “She said that she’d give us enough bits to buy our own ships and—“

“NO!” The human roared, taking a step toward the crowd, who looked ready to drop their weapons and run away. “DO YA FUCKERS KNOW WHAT YOU’LL USE THE FUCKING MONEY ON?”

A pegasus tried to calm him down. “Cap, please—“

He squeaked when the man picked him up and lifted him into the air with a hand. “THERE’S EIGHTY OF YA ON MY SHIP, AND DO YA FUCKING KNOW WHAT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YA CUNTS WILL SPEND THE MONEY ON?!”

He dropped the terrified pony and looked around. “YOU’LL SPEND IT ALL ON WHORES AND BOOZE, YA FUCKING MORONS!”

The crew cowered, backing away from him as he walked forward, too upset to even register the other princesses before he tripped on himself, stumbling a few steps before stopping and closing his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, rubbing his temples, and summoning up a surprising amount of willpower, the captain muttered, “Just stay bleedin’ calm,” to himself, running a hand through his hair. “Yer crew ain’t the brightest bunch of lads, just breathe.”

After a few more breaths, he asked, “Where are we right now?”

“We’re east of Fillydelphia, Cap; a thousand feet up.”

Strider’s eyes snapped open, his hands searching for a breath-easy crystal around his neck, and, thankfully, finding one. So that’s why I can breathe, he thought, relieved.

“You threw me overboard!” an angry voice said from behind him. Turning around, the captain saw it was a disheveled Luna, missing her eyepatch, pointing another pistol at him with an angry expression.

Strider looked her up and down, a frown coming back to his face. “Why are you wearing my clothes?” he demanded while Luna’s eyes widened in anger.

“YOU BUCKING THREW ME OVERBOARD!”

He just moved the gun away from his face with a finger. “Take off my bloody coat, ya git!”

Celestia, seeing that she wasn’t going to be beaten to death—for now—by the man, separated them with a spell.

“Now, now,” she said. “I understand that there might be hard feelings—“

Strider shook his head. “We’re not going ta the Sky Lands, lass,” he said, walking over to the steering wheel. With a grunt, he spun it, everyone on board struggling to keep their feet as the ship turned violently.

“Ya may have tricked my crew, and drugged me, but I’m not taking my lads to their deaths.” Cadance, Celestia, Luna, and Twilight crowded around him as he looked out in the open sky. “I’ll take ya back to Canterlot, but that’s the farthest you’re going on my ship.”

He glared at his crew. “You lot get back ta work—after ya put those weapons under the deck—and you four,” he looked down at the princesses.

“Find someone else to go on this mad quest.” After a second, he added, “I’ll even give ya me ol’ map from back when I went to the accursed place to show ya that I mean no ill-will.”

“Please—“

“You lot better get down under the deck; I don’t want my boys dancing around ya while they’re working.”

Strider looked at the crowd of weapon-toting sailors with slight irritation as the princesses sadly made their way under the deck. “Oh, and before I forget, for the little ‘mutiny’ you lot lost your rum rations for the next month.”

He didn’t get the round of cries that he was expecting; instead his crew was looking at him sadly.

A gryphon, Shroud Beak, took off his hat and took a step forward. “Capn’, please, why don’t ya want ta help the princesses?”

Striders’ grip tightened on the wheel. “Lads, you know that place is dangerous,” he said quietly, a far-off look in his eyes. “I’m sure you lot have heard the stories. But stories will never do that place justice. None enter there and make it back alive.”

The crew, lads that he had known for years, people who he had worked and sweated and laughed and cried with, looked at each other before grinning collectively. “Well then, Cap, that means we have ta go now!” someone said as he raised an eyebrow.

“Come again? I don’t think I heard that right.” Their grins became wider.

An earth pony took a step forward. “Think about it Cap: If we go there and make it back alive, we’ll be legends!”

“Yeah!” Another took a step forward. “You’ll be the captain that made it out of Sky Lands twice! And we’ll be the crew that helped you!”

“An’ even if ya take us back, we’ll make sure we take’em there!” someone roared, the whole crew cheering in excitement

Strider rubbed his temples as they all nodded to each other. “Lads—“

“We’ll be heroes!”

“We’ll get ta help save the world!”

“We’ll get free rum!”

“We’ll—“

“SHUT IT!” the captain finally roared, silencing the chatty group, his eyes blazing as he looked at each and every one of them.

With another sigh, he said, “Did the princess put those ideas into yer heads?”

They all nodded. “She’s got a head on her shoulders, Cap.”

“And ya do realized that every one of ya are cowards, right?”

Rather than be offended, they just chuckled. “Then you’ll just have to be brave enough for all of us then, Cap.”

Just tell’em to get back to work, he thought desperately. You’ll take those bleedin’ princesses home and wash your hands of this nonsense…

With a groan, he pointed out a stallion in the crowd; his navigator, Star Sight. “Star, come here and watch the wheel, I’m going ta,” he sighed. I’m still half-naked, dammit…

“I’m going ta go talk ta those bloody ponies.”

Star nodded, trotting over to the wheel and getting on his hind legs so he could steer. “Do I keep course, Cap?”

Strider growled, walking down the steps that led to the main deck. “Make a course ta Talonia,” he said bitterly. “We’ll need ta stock up before going on this bloody adventure.”

Never before had a man been more upset at a happy crew as the lot cheered.

<~~~~)

Unlike its wetter and danker cousin, under the deck of a sky ship was actually a pretty pleasant place to be. It wasn’t riddled with mold, it smelled all right--usually-- and it was a place to get out of the sun and wind. Sure, it was a little darker than most people liked, but at least it was cool.

The Sky Hawk’s lower deck was pretty much the same as most sky ships, but it had the advantage of actually having a few sun stones around to light the place up.

With this artificial light, you could see a series of doors that would lead you to the captain’s quarters, the crews’ quarters, a small mystery door, a small dining area, and a storage area where most of the ship’s supplies were kept.

This place, specifically, was the crews’ quarters: a place where the crew could just relax and cool off and sleep when they didn’t have to work.

Not that a nice climate made the situation any better for Celestia as she desperately paced back and forth, trying to figure out how to turn this situation on its head and to change the captain’s mind.

But even with all of her years of diplomatic experience, charisma, and know-how, every heartfelt and motivational thing that she had ever heard or said was forgotten as she paced, her face panicked as her fellow princesses watched her.

“Um, Princess?”

“He’s the only one that can help us.”

“Sister.”

“I need to think of a way to bring him to our side, mayb—“

The four princesses turned around when they heard a door slamming, an angry Strider making his way past them. “You four, come with me,” he growled, not looking as them as he opened the mystery door and walked through it.

Celestia looked at Luna in confusion. “What—“

“Oh, for gods’ sake, FUCKIN’ GET IN THERE!”

The princesses looked at each other for a moment before cautiously making their way to the door and walking into a room that was lit by a single candle.

Celestia’s senses were assaulted by the smell of old paper and ink as soon as she stepped through. She gasped in amazement as she looked around; the small room was packed, from floor to ceiling, with maps of all sizes and shapes. Some of them were rolled up, some of them were hanging on the walls, and there were even some that looked like they had just been tossed to the ground.

There must be thousands, she thought as she looked at the captain.

Strider poked his head into a pile of the maps, a frowned etched deeply on his face. “For over three thousand years, my people have been trying ta get into the Sky Lands,” he said, throwing maps over his shoulder as he looked around.

“We didn’t know why we wanted ya get into it: maybe it called ta us, maybe our pride was the reason, maybe the gods just wanted ta be rid of us. But in the end, it was our ruin.” He turned back toward them, his eyes flickering in the candlelight.

“My mother, my father, my cousins, my brothers, sisters, everyone that I knew, is dead because of that horrible place,” He walked to the other side of the room.

“Mr. Captain, Sir,” Cadance said as she dodged a rolled-up map, Strider grumbling as he squatted down, his rough hands searching the bundles. “What’s—“

“I went,” he continued, ignoring her. “Ta those accursed islands, as a younger man, to see if I could get my father back; see if I could save any of my family.”

The princesses watched as he picked up a huge vellum map-- richly decorated and colorful and rolled up carefully-- and walked over to the table that was in the center of the room.

“The only thing that I found, starving, tired, alone, and without a leg, was my father’s broken ship, smashed into a thousand pieces; my da’ and his crew’s skeletons,” Celestia silently watched as he slowly, carefully, looked over the map while the others gasped in shock.

He took a shaky breath, leaning over the table at them. “The only reason that I made it out of there alive was because there was a dinghy on the side of that wreck that I was able ta fly off with.”

Each one of the ponies flinched as he dropped the map into the table with a loud thump. “Now, are ya sure that ya want ta go to this place?”

Twilight was the first to speak up, a worried look on her face while she puffed up her chest. “We don’t have a choice, Mr. Strider,” she said. “The world is at stake.”

Strider closed his eyes before he looked back down at the map. “Ladies, I can tell ya, with the utmost certainty, that there’s a good chance that we will not make it back, so I beg ya ta reconsider.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “So you’ve changed your mind?” she asked, her hope rekindling. He looks TIRED… “You’re going to take us there?”

The captain nodded. “You’ve made a hell of an impression on my crew; and you’re right, I’m the only one that can get you lot there,” Quietly, he unrolled the massive map before motioning them forward.

Frowning, he pointed at a spot on the map. “We are here.” He slid his finger all the way to the other end of the map. “We need ta get all the bloody way there. My ship is fast, but it’s almost a three thousand mile trip. Now,” he looked at each of them.

“I’m going ta ask ya one last time; are ya sure you want ta do this?”

They looked at each other before Cadance nodded, making him pinch the bridge of his nose.

“If I’m doing this, ya need ta remember, you’re not royalty on my ship. In face, it’ll be safer for everyone if you lot are just normal ponies until we get you back home.” He pointed at their crowns. “Those are coming off, and we’re gonna go back up on deck and see if Moon’s awake yet so he can get ya situated.”

He rolled the map back up and blew out the candle.

“Thank you, captain,” Celestia said quietly as the man passed her. “I promise you that your help will not go unrewarded.”

He grunted, leading the alicorns up the stairs and back up onto the deck. “I don’t have a bloody clue why I’m not just throwing ya all overboard, so don’t be thanking me,” he muttered, as a tired and bleary-eyed Moon made his way toward them, the stallion looking at the group in confusion.

“Cap, what the hay ‘appened last night?” He asked while Strider yawned.

“We were drugged, brought on board of the Sky Hawk, and now we’re going to get stocked up so we can go halfway around the world and probably die in the Sky Lands,” Strider answered while Moon blinked.

“…Bloody ‘ell, really?” the first mate asked, while his captain patted him on the back.

“Yep. Now get them set up in the crew’s quarters, tell’em the ship’s rules, and hide that jewelry somewhere so no one pokes at it.” He stretched lazily. “I’m gonna go and sleep this headache off.”

With that, he left a bewildered Moon with the gaggle of princesses, the bat pony opening his mouth and closing it as Strider walked past him and toward his cabin, opening the door, walking through it, and closing it with a slam.

“Bugger,” he muttered with a sigh. “Why does this always ‘appen when I’m asleep?”

Captains log, 1283

I’m bloody stupider than I look.

Probably the stupidest man that has ever sailed the sky.

If I wasn’t, I would’ve left that buggering city three days ago, I wouldn’t have entertained that bloody princess, and NONE OF THIS WOULD’VE HAPPENED.

But, since I’m a fuckin’ moron, my first mate and I were drugged, forced onto my ship, and now I have to take four princesses to the most dangerous place on the planet for some stupid fuckin’ reason.

Fuck me.

Years ago, I promised myself that I wouldn’t step foot near that place, but, like I keep saying, I’m a fucking idiot, and my crew are idiots, and a few sad ponies can talk us into anything, so we’re setting sail to the Gryphon Empire to restock so we can start this… journey.

In my defense, my crew ARE stupid enough to try to take them if I take the princesses back to Canterlot, and I couldn’t have that on my conscience.

Dammit; why couldn’t I have been one of those heartless sky captains?! Why do I feel this blasted need to go back there?!?!?! WHY WHY WHY?

...Just stay calm; you don’t want your crew knocking on the door and asking you why you threw your desk...

Anyway, I’ve known them for less than an hour and I can already tell that all four of my passengers are less than worthless and as annoying as a group of sky howlers.

The pink one won’t leave my crew alone, the purple one won’t stop asking me questions about my pissing ship, I swear to the gods’ that I might just shoot the blue one, and the cunt that forced this all onto my lap, the white one, won’t stop telling me how fucking grateful she fucking is.

And to top it all off, that bloody night princess still won’t give me back my coat.

Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and Twilight…. A small part of me hopes that this lot is as weak as they appear so they can give up and we all can just go home. The other, crazier, part hopes that we die so I can look at Celestia in our final moments and say, ‘I told you so, you big bitch.’

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!