Shanghaied by Ponies ?!?!?!

For years, Blueblood had quietly worked behind the scenes for his Aunt. If the alicorn ever needed somepony to oversee a construction project, he was the stallion. She needed a stallion to go all over Canterlot to find the perfect catering place for this year’s Gala? He was the first in line to go taste-testing. Somepony had to bit the bullet and go read to fillies and colts at a local school? He was already doing it.

Sure, what he did was usually thankless, horrible work, but he knew he had to pay his dues if he ever wanted to start playing in the big leagues. Ruling cities, nobles listening to everything that he had to say, all the ice cream he wanted from any store he wanted, he wanted that responsibility, he wanted that burden on his shoulders.

And, to his immense joy, today was finally that day.

At first, he was worried about his Aunt’s and step-siblings going on some insane adventure, everypony was already worried sick about them, but then Celestia had told him that he was going to be co-ruling Equestria while she was gone!

He was going to make the important decisions, he was going to get down and dirty, wading knee-deep in bureaucracy so he could help make the common ponies life better!

…At least, he thought he was.

Shining Armor, on the other hand, really never had a desire to rule or command or anything like that. Sure, he been the captain of the guard, and now he was a prince-consort, but he never really wanted any of it.

He loved his wife, princess or not, and would be happily married to her even if they had to live in a cardboard box. He hadn’t wanted to command his fellow guards, but, like any good soldier, he took the command they had given him.

Yep, Shining wanted to be a simple stallion; let other ponies make the important decisions, he only wanted to work with what fate had given him and do the best he could with everything from his work to his love-life.

But, to his very core, he was a soldier. A soldier that took orders from his superiors and a soldier that did his duty. So when the princess asked him to help keep Equestria running while they were gone, he did the only thing he could do: bite the bullet and help rule the kingdom to the best of his ability.

To his relief, it didn’t seem that hard.

“Blue,” Shining said quietly from Luna’s throne. “Do you happen to know what time it is?”

Blueblood looked over at his step-brother, who was decked out in his finest suit—he wanted to look his best for his first day on the job— before sighing in confusion and irritation.

“It’s eleven, Shining,” he said, looking around the throne room while he slumped in Celestia’s seat.

Shining nodded slowly. “Alright,” he said, wiggling around to get comfortable in his chair. “So where is everypony?”

Blueblood sighed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I have no idea; Auntie’s court started an hour ago, so this place should be filled to the brim with ponies.

“Aha,” Shining said after a minute before sitting up a little bit, just wiggling around out of boredom. “…Maybe it’s just a slow day?”

Elsewhere…

“Sir Spike, we have those forms that you wanted!” a servant said, rushing into the smallish room that Celestia had let the dragon borrow and placing a mountain of paperwork into an oak-wood desk that he was using.

Spike nodded, his claws nimbly navigating the mess of ink jars, quills, and paper to snatch a small cup of coffee, taking a finishing sip of it before handing it off to the maid. “Thanks, Feather Duster,” he said, his gaze going back to an important trade agreement.

“Could you do me a favor and get me another one of those? I have a feeling that I’m going to be here for a while.”

Feather Duster nodded, and was about to rush toward through the door and toward the kitchen to do as he asked, when she stopped. Like a shining beacon of reasonableness, an idea presented itself in her head.

Here was a dragon, barely into his teenage years, somehow managing to run a whole kingdom, practically by himself, and, at least by a paperwork standpoint, he was doing a slightly better job than Celestia did on her best day.

Never mind that she didn’t know that paperwork was pretty much Spike’s whole life…well, that and cleaning up, but, even as a babe, he was writing something. Reports for Twilight, stuff for homeschooling, love letters to Rarity, Spike had been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

To the maid at least, seeing him finishing up all the paperwork needed to handle a tweak to the whole kingdom's tax laws that was set to pass in less than ten minutes almost made her question what she, a simple everyday maid, could do if she set her mind to it.

Could she run a kingdom? Nope, probably not.

Could she go out and maybe open up a pizza place that also happened to sell fireworks in the back?...

“Um, Feather, are you alright there?”

The unicorn blinked before looking at a slightly concerned-looking Spike, who had already worked through a lot of the paperwork she had just given him. Sweet Celestia, she thought while smiling at him. What is he? Some kind of machine? Robot? Copier and fax machine combined?

“I’m fine, Spike, I was just off in my own little world,” she said, swishing her tail dismissively.

Spike looked at her a little longer before burying his face back into his work. “Alright, if you’re sure… Oh and before I forget, could you go find Shining and Prince Blueblood?” He grinned sheepishly at her. “I might have accidentally forgotten to tell them that the day and night courts are postponed until the princesses get back.”

(~~~~>

Celestia watched as Strider slammed the door behind him, using all of her considerable willpower not to slump down onto the wooden deck and laugh in relief. Even though their stay had already gotten off to an already rocky start, she did it! She got her captain.

And hopefully he’s as fine of a captain as they say, she thought, looking down at the captain’s first mate, Moon, if she correctly remembered his name.

Said batpony was looking at her and her fellow princesses with a wide-eyed, and slightly annoyed, looked that almost made her chuckle aloud; though she didn’t, waking Strider wouldn’t have helped anypony.

The flustered bat yawning and rubbing an eye before he smiled brightly at them. “Well, it looks like yer a part o’ the crew now!”

He stretched, cat-like, grunting as his spine popped, Twilight wincing in disgust, as he turned around. “Come on then, let’s get ya set up. I’ll show ya where everythin’ is and put away yer effects so no one bucks with it.”

He tapped his head with a wing, snorting before turning back around and bowing. “Where are my manners? The name’s Moon, first mate and Echo-locator of the Sky Hawk.”

Twilight, smiling, took a step forward and offered him a hoof. “Hello, Mr. Moon I’m Twilight Sparkle.” She pointed at Cadance. “That’s Cadance, over there’s Princess Celestia, and there Lu—hey, where’s Luna?”

Celestia and Cadance blinked, looking between each other—where the Lunar Princess had been standing—and seeing that Luna was nowhere to be seen.

Cadance looked around the ship. “Where’s—“

“Open up this bucking door, Captain!” Luna roared, pounding in his door with her pistol still in her magical grasp.

“Luna,” Celestia hissed, a frown on her face. “Leave the man alone! He’s trying to sleep!”

Moon yawned again. “I’m not surprised, that sleeping dart of yers still has me bloody dizzy.”

Celestia looked at him apologetically. “I’m sorry for that, Mr. Shine.”

He waved her away. “Wasn’t the first time me and the Cappy ‘been drugged,” he said dismissively. “I’m not even mad at ya. Though, Princess,” he called to Luna, who was still pounding on the door like it owed her money. “I wouldn’t be doing that, the cap—“

BOOM!

Luna reeled back as a bullet tore through the door, somehow missing her horn and smacking against her crown, the princess yelping as it exploded off her head, her pistol dropping to the ground with a loud thud as she looked at the small smoking hole.

“—Doesn’t like ta be disturbed,” the first mate lamely finished as everyone stopped what they were doing to see what happened.

“KNOCK ON MY FUCKIN’ DOOR ONE MORE TIME HORSE! I DARE YA!” Strider roared through the door as Celestia, trying to keep her composure, magicked her sister back to their little group.

Cadance was the first one to collect herself, clearing her throat before saying, “No trying to wake the captain up, got it.”

“He tried to shoot me…” Luna mumbled, her eyes glassy as she looked at the door. “He… tried to… shoot me…”

“Well, the cap’s usually a pretty good shot, so I’m sure he was just tryin’ ta just get ya away from the door…” Moon grinned awkwardly, walking over and picking up what was left of Luna’s crown. “Well, I better show you lot around.” He handed a shaken Luna her crown before motioning all around him.

“This here’s the deck, where some of us look after the deck, the sails, what ‘ave ya.“

He motioned for them to follow as he made his way under the deck. “If I was ya, I wouldn’t be going up there unless somethin’ happens—it gets too pissin’ hot during the day—but be sure ta go up at night, the stars shine like no one’s business… Not that ya can’t go wherever ya want; I’m just trying ta give ya some sound advice.”

He quickly led them down the stairs. “There’s the kitchens.” He walked over and opened the door, revealing a medium-sized room with a few tables and a kitchen that consisted of an even smaller table, some cabinets, knives, cleavers, and any other utensil that you could think of, and a small shove.

“Food’s twice a day, fer the morning and night shift’s. The foods usually bad, but it’ll fill ya up.”

Celestia grinned. “I was looking to lose a little weight anyway,” she said, giving Twilight a playful nudge while Moon closed the door. “What better way than to eat bad food for a few days.”

Moon eyed her. “I’d get as much of the grub as we give ya, Princess, cause I’m sure the cap will want you lot ta help on the ship.”

The four princesses gawked at him while he ushered them into the storage room, the smell of wood, gun powder, spices, silks, and an assortment of other things assaulting them as soon as the batpony shut the door.

This was the second biggest part of the ship, where everything for cannonballs to oranges were kept for safekeeping. Everything was neatly stacked and sorted out so painstakingly that even Twilight couldn’t help but be impressed.

“The captain’s going to want us to help out?” Twilight asked hesitantly. “None of us really have any experience working on a ship…”

Cadance smiled. “And Twilight here doesn’t have any working experience at all,” she chortled while Twilight glared at her.

“The cap don’t take in freeloaders,” Moon said, shrugging. “We’ll find somethin’ fer ya ta do that isn’t that hard,” he told them, pulling out a wooden barrel, popping off the top.

“‘sides, after a month or two, ya’ll want ta do something ta keep from losing yer minds. Now, let’s get that jewelry off and hidden!” He tapped the barrel for emphasis. Celestia looked at her sister before carefully taking off her crown and placing it in the barrel. “We are forcing the captain to ferry us, my little ponies,” she said, starting to take off her horseshoes. “The least we can do is follow the ship’s rules.”

Moon tapped a hoof against the floor. “Yah, the rules, I forgot ta tell ya ‘bout those…” He cleared his throat as each of the princesses lost their crowns, chest plates—if they had them—and shoes, each of them as naked as the day they were born.

“First rule: ya don’t steal any of the rum or whiskey in the kitchens. Ya steal from the rum rations, that means the rest of us don’t get any and that’ll be bad fer ya,” he said while they all rolled their eyes.

“None of us are big drinkers, Mr. Moon,” Twilight said while the batpony placed the lid back on the barrel and tapped it shut.

Moon ignored her while he led them out of the storage room. “Second rule: don’t be shitty ta yer crewmates’. Bad-blood on a ship is bad fer all of us.”

Luna snorted while Celestia nudged her. “Luna, you should apologize to the captain when he wakes up.”

The younger sister guffawed in outrage. “He tried to shoot me!” she growled.

“To be fair, you had a pistol pointed at him…. twice.”

Luna was about to retort when Moon loudly cleared with throat. “Last rule: make sure ta bathe at least twice a week.”

He wilted slightly when they all glared at him with confused and horrified expressions. “Fer a while the crew… wasn’t the most hygienic,” he explained. “The cap got sick of the smell that was coming from crew’s quarters, so we ‘ave that rule now…”

Celestia took a deep breath before willing her smile back onto her face. “Are those the only rules?”

Moon nodded. “Pretty much; the rest you’ll learn from the crew.” He brought them back into the crew’s quarters. “Now, make sure that ya ask me or one of the officers if ya have any questions.” He tapped his vest.

“There’s four ‘o us, and you’ll be able ta tell us apart from the rest of the crew by our vests an’ the special mark on ‘em.” They all eyed the hand-stitched little mark,--which almost looked like an eagle soaring--while he sat in front of them. “Now, before I get ya yer bedding and ya get the bags I’m sure ya brought from wherever ya got them hidden, do ya got any questions?”

“Actually, Mr. Moon, I have a few that I’d like to ask about your captain,” Celestia said, sitting in front of him.

The batpony looked up at her expectantly. “Go ahead, princess; I’ll answer whatever I can.”

The alicorn gave him a thankful smile before she looked away from him in embarrassment. “Along with the great things that I’ve heard about the man, there’s been more than a few… negative rumors about Mr. Strider that make me a little concerned.”

Moon frowned. “We’re not pirates, if that’s what yer worried about.”

Cadance looked positively betrayed. “Aw, really? By the way my Aunt’s were talking about him, I thought you guys were swashbuckling scallywags with a black flag and everything!”

He scoffed. “We’re respectable citizens thank ya very much.”

“…But your captain has a peg leg.”

“An’ ya need ta lose a limb ta be a captain?”

“….Where’s your booty?”

Moon looked like she’d just slapped his grandmother while Celestia added, “And I’ve heard that the Sky Hawk has participated in more than a few illegal smuggling operations…”

The batpony huffed. “Lies, all of it,” he spat. “We’re just a simple merchant vessel that ‘asn’t done a bucking—“

“What about all of those flags that I saw when he were in the storage room?” Celestia pointed out, Moon giving the mare a nervous grin. “I’m not sure that you have any allegiance to the deer empire… or the Gryphons… or the minotaurs.”

“It’s easier if we ‘ave a few flags lying around ta get past constables,” Moon explained while he looked around shiftily. “Ya see, it’s easier goin’ around them than stopping an’ letting them look through our stuff…”

“And what about the fact that your captain has the ire of three very powerful nations—“

“Just two,” Moon interrupted. “The minotaurs really don’t…ack” he snorted. “I’m come on, lets get ya back ta the crew’s quarters. I’ll get ya bucking bedding an’ then ya can ask somepony else all these bleedin’ questions.”

The princesses followed the grumbling batpony into the main living quarters when Luna, with a bored expression said, “I’m going to go look around,” she said, making her way toward the upper-deck door.

“Don’t get lost!” Celestia called, before a whistle rang out from where a group of ponies were laying.

“Look at ’em, lads!”

“That’s a lass that I’d ‘ave a lay with!”

“Those flanks!”

Cadance took it the best, the Princess of Love giggling quietly before she gave the group a playful wink. Sure she was married, but it was still nice to know that stallions still found her attractive, and a little playful flirting never hurt anypony. In fact, she was almost certain that her husband was flirting with some mare as she thought about him.

Not that there was anything wrong with that, she knew that Shining would never cheat on her, like he knew she’d never with him.

Celestia was a little more negative about it, the alicorn glaring at the group while they all looked away in terror as the big mare’s eyes glowed with power. She was thousands of years old, she was the Princess of the Sun, she ran a whole bucking country for goodness sakes! She deserved better than getting wolf-whistled from a group of undersexed stallions!

She was about to go over there and give them a thorough talking to about how one behaves themselves around mares, but she thought better of it. Strider had almost shot his sister because she was pounding on his door, she didn’t know what he would do if she started acting like a mother-hen.

Twilight, on the other hand, looked like she was ready to have a panic attack, the purple bookworm hiding behind a wing while her face exploded into a blush.

“I’m going to go… t-this way,” she stuttered, trotted toward a corner of the room while Moon returned with four rolled-up hammocks.

Cadance leaned toward her aunt. “Celestia, I’m going to go introduce myself to some of the crew,” she slowly started toward them. “We’re going to be here for a while; may as well get to know everypony.”

Celestia rolled her eyes. “So I’m going to put these up by myself? Fantastic…”

Moon smiled uncertainly. “Ya ‘ave me, princess,” he said brightly. “An’ these aren’t that hard ta put up. I’ll even make sure that you’ll all be together.”

“Thank you, my little pony,” she said, though here was still a frown on her face. “But we’re going to have to get all of our bags before we do that. And we have quite a few of them.”

The first mate resisted the urge to groan. “ Of course ya do,” he muttered, throwing the hammocks to the ground. “Come on then, let’s go an’ get ‘em.”

@!~~~!@

While Twilight was usually a rational mare—really, she was—and she wasn’t usually the shy type, whenever she was hit on, she’d lose it. Sure, admittedly, it didn’t happen too much in Ponyville, but almost every time it’d be the same.

Her mouth would forget how to work, she wouldn’t be able look up at anyone, she’d have this extreme urge to go and find someplace to hide, and she’d blush. Like really, really blush. For a mare that was usually confident and collected, it irked her to feel this way.

She was a grown, beautiful—at least her mother said so—mare; she shouldn’t be blushing like a filly with a crush! In fact—

“Excuse me, could you please tell me why you’re in my office?”

Twilight blinked as she stopped in front of a pure white earth pony mare looking at her with a bored expression. “Oh, um hello,” Twilight said with an unsure smile, a little unnerved at the strange pony’s unblinking expression. “I’m sorry, I must’ve not been paying attention to where I was going.”

The earth pony grumbled. “Well, there’s a sign on my door and everything, so you shouldn’t--” She stopped when she saw Twilight’s wings. “Oh, you’re one of our new… passengers…” Her eyes flashing in interest, the mare slowly started to circle Twilight, confusing and slightly scaring her as she looked around to get her bearings.

It looked like she was in some sort of medical office, with charts, half-open drawers filled with medical equipment, posters, and even a little equine skeleton in the room’s corner. Looking to her left, she saw a little table that had various bottles of… things in them and a cauldron, which was boiling…something. The room itself was white, linoleum either glued or magicked onto the wall to give it that clean, sickly white, hospital-y atmosphere.

All in all the atmosphere, and the mare that was currently poking at her tail, was creeping her out a little more than she cared to admit.

“Well… it’s nice to meet you, ma’am... I’m Twilight Sparkle,” she said, trying to be friendly while the mare peered at her wings.

“Yes, you’re the new alicorn from Equestria,” the pony said quietly, something… off in those red eyes of hers. She stopped in front of her, offering Twilight a hoof. “You know, I’ve never seen an alicorn before. I’m medical officer Scalpel if you were wondering. I make sure that the crew are kept fit and disease-free.”

Twilight’s smile faded a bit as she shook the hoof. Sweet Celestia, it looks like she wants to cut me open… she thought, trying to back out of the half-room inconspicuously. “Well, it’s nice to m-meet you.” The mare pulled out a giant needle from a drawer, blowing on the tip while she looked at her. “R-really, it is, but I… have to be going now…”

Scalpel nodded, turning away from her. “I’m sure that Moon’s still getting you situated.” She trotted toward the cauldron, starting to stir the contents with a spoon. “Go on then, I have things to do.”

Twilight nodded jerkily. “A-Alright.”

“Oh, and if those colts give you any more trouble, just tell me.”

Twilight stopped in surprise, looking over her shoulder to see the slightly off mare looking at her with a little smile. “Mares on this ship need to stick together,” Scalpel added, setting her spoon down and picking up a notebook.

A confused Princess of Friendship smiled at the out-of-place kindness. “Um, thanks, Ms. Scalpel,” she said, in a better mood than she had been a few minutes ago.

“Don’t mention it princess. I know what it’s like being on a ship with a bunch of horny pirates. And would it be alright if I took some blood samples, maybe cut you open just a little bit?...”

“…What was that?”

“What was what?”

@#~~~#@

“I should apologize? What is sister thinking?” Luna muttered, mindlessly wandering the ship in a sour mood. “He’s the one that should be apologizing.”

Stopping, she noticed a small metal hatch in the corner of a hallwayI wonder where that goes, she mused, making her way toward the hatch and throwing it open and poking her head into the inky blackness of the mystery room.

“And what’s down here?” she said aloud, thinking it over for a second before she felt for a metal ladder, swung over, cast a light spell, and slowly started to climb down. “Maybe it’s where they keep their booty…”

She flinched as she hit the floor, a loud, dull metallic thud echoing off the walls. “Huh, it’s made of metal. I wonder—“

“An’ what do yer thing yer doing?” An echoing voice demanded in the dark. “Gods blood, and yer ‘earing the cap’s jacket… The ‘ells going on up deck?”

Luna froze, getting onto a semi-defensive stance. “Show yourself,” she growled. “I’m really not in the mood to humor a ghost in the dark.”

The voice chuckled dryly. “Callin’ me a ghost in the dark,” it said in amusement. “Tell me ta come out when she’s the one running ‘round my deck.” There was a tapping and what sounded like metal slapping together, which was followed by a grunt.

“Alright ‘en, but I can’t be playin’ with ya fer long; I got a turbine ta fix.” Luna blinked in confusion as a minotaur slowly made his way into her little barrier of light. “There, ya happy now?” the bull asked in irritation, tapping a pipe, which he was using as a cane, against the ground.

Luna looked the obviously aged bull up and down. He was covered in metal; gears and tools and wires, all of which looked like they had given him a bowed back after years and years of lugging them around. He had an odd helmet on his head, which gave off a distinct green light that shone even though her light spell. His black coat was greying, those a little puff of hair under his chin was as black as night. Deep green eyes were staring into hers as he played with his coat, which was covered in roughly made pockets that were filled with screws and nails and a few smaller tools.

“Um… yes, I apologize,” Luna said quietly, relaxing as the bull slowly hobbled toward her. “I didn’t mean to keep you from your work.”

He snorted. “It’s fine, lass,” he said, playing with his beard. “I’m happy fer the company; not many come to the underdeck.” When he came within arm’s length, he offered her a hand. “I’m Orion, an’ I take care of the ship’s thrusters.”

Luna smiled at him. “It is nice to meet you, Orion. I am Princess Luna” she said, giving him a little bow. “You can call me Luna. My fellow princesses and I were… welcomed onto your ship and I decided to take a look around.”

Orion chuckled. “Oh? Ol’ Strider’s got royalty on board? Well,” he gave her his own bow. “This mechanic is honored by yer presence.”

She inclined her head before looking around. “Forgive me, Mr. Orion, but you’re the only one down here?”

“That’s correct, lass, I work all by meself.”

Luna hummed, biting her lip. “I wouldn’t think that they’d let someone your…”

The bull stiffened, puffing out his chest. “Ya think I’m too old ta work do ya?!”

Luna’s eyes widened. “No I did—“

Turning around, he tapped his makeshift cane against the ground. “Oh? Ya don’t think an old bull like me can do it by meself? Well come on, I’ll show ya.” With that, he angrily hobbled back into the darkness, leaving Luna alone with her little light spell.

“An’ turn off that light! Can’t see a bloody thing here with that bright light shinin’!”

For a moment, the Luna Princess debated how much sense it was to go into the darkness with a strange person that he had just met, but then she just shrugged, cutting off her spell. It’s not like I have anything better to do, she thought, following the green light that the minotaur’s helmet was giving off.

“Wait for me, Mr. Orion!”

@~$$~@

Day fifteen,

We have made good time reaching Istanbull. The bulls, as usual, were a pissy lot, demanding that they look through the ship to see if I was carrying contraband! Sure, I had it, but just because it’s my ship doesn’t mean that I’m always doing illegal shit!

… I’m not even going to guess how much of my stock they took…

Pricks.

Celestia sighed, putting down the little journal and rubbing her sore eyes. “Another book filled with nonsense,” she muttered, resisting the urge to yawn.

Since the first mate had said that they were allowed full access of the ship, she decided to do the sensible thing and go back into the map room to see if she could find out anything. Unfortunately for her, the rumor that Skylords wrote down everything was true. Really true.

Under the mountains and mountains of scrolls were dozens of tomes, filled with everything from ship reports to ridiculous musings; unfortunately, none of those book had the information that she was looking for, namely human lore.

There used to be thousands of books about human history, sciences, and myths: myths of the Sky Lands that came from stories, theories, and even a mad man or two. Those were the books she wanted, but now those books were getting harder and harder to find.

The other nations, tired of the slightly confrontational, nomadic race, had decided that keeping their ‘crazy’ writings, which seemed to fill the heads of their youth with stories of adventure and magic and a life in the skies in the process, wasn’t a thing that they wanted, so many of humanity’s writings were either locked away or destroyed en masse.

While that didn’t stop the stories from getting out—the men and women of Equus were sailors by trade and they liked to talk— it still made it difficult to find those stories in written form.

She heard stories of the Sky Lands; the creatures supposedly carved out of stone and magic and were the size of cities, the alleged palaces of fire and ice where gods walked, mountains made of gold and diamonds and gems. She had heard that and more, some of the stories boarding on nonsense in the extreme, some too tame to be true for such a chaotic place.

But who better to get the real facts from than a captain whose entire race had spent thousands of years, built technological marvels that surpassed all but the most powerful magicks, and lost countless lives trying to get to the place.

“He has to have something,” she muttered, setting down the book and rummaging under a pile of scrolls. “A mention, a scrap of paper, a children’s book, anything!”

She groaned. “Why couldn’t he have at least set this place up with some semblance of order? Is it too much to ask for a little bit of cleanliness?!” In a fit of frustration, she slapped a map through the air and into a small mountain of maps, which caused an avalanche, sending maps and journals everywhere.

Celestia resisted the urge to scream. “You just need to calm down,” she told herself, sitting down and putting her head in her hooves. “You’re going to be on this ship for months; you’re going to have to be patient.”

She took a few deep, calming breaths before getting back up and making her way toward the mess that she had created. “Look on the bright side: at least you have the time to clean up this room so a pony can look for something without ripping her mane out.”

She levitated a bundle of maps in her magic. “Alright, let’s see what I can do here, maybe I could sort this out in—what do we have here?” Carefully putting what she was holding on the table, she gently picked up a small, seemingly normal journal.

Bringing it closer toward her face, she saw that it was so worn that the spine looked like it was about to fall apart, the front cover was torn in half, and it was covered in dust and grime and what even looked like… dried blood.

She could make out the barest of lettering on what was left of the cover:

SKY LA

Curious, she very, very carefully opened it and began to read.

Day 1,

They say that the Sky Lands are where my people end up after they die, that angels coming from those fire castles of theirs and bring back the souls of men, women, and children. Those that were considered ‘good’ would spend the rest of eternity in paradise, but the evil ones… weren’t so lucky.

I can still hear dad telling me about how the angels would drop me into the ‘hell’s gate’ if I was bad, and how I’d spend the rest of forever in agony and torment and a swirling mass of pain and torment… Piss on my old man…

She couldn’t read the next few paragraphs because they were either smudged or scribbled out.

--It would almost be funny to think of a giant tornado that surrounded the place as a ‘gate’, but, one way or another; we’re going to have to get through it…

“This is it,” Celestia muttered excitedly, carrying the journal toward the table and sitting down. “This is what I wanted…”

Day 8,

Thousands of hours of blood, sweat, and tears but I’ve finally done it. I have a crew, a new ship from Iron City, and now I have a map. It’s a big bloody thing, that map, pretty, but I don’t even want to write about what I went through to get the fucking thing…

As of now, our morale is high, we have all of the grub and whiskey that we can drink, I have enough money to resupply at any port, and I have one of the finest man-made ships in the sky.

I’m finally ready to find you dad…

Celestia had to smile. “I can’t even imagine Mr. Strider, a bright-eyed young man looking around for his father…” She flipped through the book a-ways.

Day 38,

I’m going to put my head through a door if I have to listen to the minotaur king one more time.

I KNOW how dangerous the Sky Lands are, I KNOW what might happen to us if weren’t not careful. You’d think he’d know a human would know about all of the tales…

At least his daughter is cute, and she’s a feisty one too; I swear if she was a man I’d ask her if she wanted to join my crew. At least she likes to dress like a wench; gives a guy the chance to look at all of her… assets…

She asked me to dinner this morning… I think that I’ll be going. I think if I play my card right she’ll scurry under the table and suck my—

Celestia hurriedly flipped through the little look, her eyes wide and a small blush on her face. “Didn’t need to know that,” she muttered, frowning when she saw more and more damaged or just plain torn out pages.

“Come on,” she pleaded. “Don’t give me hope and then take it away from me!”

She flipped through more pages, finding something legible after going two-thirds of a way through the journal.

Day, 162,

We did it! We made it past the hell’s gate!

The crew won’t stop cheering, and I decided to double their rum rations for the day; they did a great job and we all need to relax.

It’s not like they said it was in the story. In fact, it actually seems pretty boring, there’s just a bunch of islands that are floating in the air, some weird flying animals, not really anything worth talking about. I decided to anchor the ship right at the beginning of what looks to be a labyrinth of rocks, give the men a good night sleep before we start exploring.

I know you’re not among the living anymore, dad, but I promised that I was going to bury your bones in this fucking place, and that’s what I’m going to do.

The little book was about sixty pages long, but it looked like it was originally triple that size, so she wasn’t getting anything useful. Until she reached the last few pages that, is those last few pages looked like they had been written by a shaky hand; a shaky hand that was in a hurry.

Day ???????,

We never saw those cliffs coming. Not that it was our fault; no, we damned ourselves when we just laughed off the singing.

Gods, I can still hear them now, still see them waving to us, wanting us to join them to sing and dance and laugh. And die. The singing shielded them, made sure we didn’t know what they were until we let them on the ship like the idiots that we are.

And I let it all happen.

I killed all of those men, I destroyed the Storm Eagle because I didn’t listen to the stories. They came onto the ship and started attacking us and I JUST LET THEM ON THE FUCKING SHIP!

I don’t know how I made it off the ship and away from that explosion, or now I landed on some small island while two hundred of my men either fell to their deaths or died in fire, but I think the gods have something to do with it.

I understand now that this is my punishment: to die on some gods-forgotten floating rock without a pissing leg….

At least that explosion burned the stump…

I know I should be dead, but don’t worry, gods, I lost too much blood, and if thirst doesn’t kill me, this fucking leg will….

Taking a shaky breath, the princess forced herself to continue.

I know that no one’s going to read this little journal of mine, but if someone somehow makes their way through the hell’s gate, take a dead captain’s advice and turn around.

Trust me, there’s no palaces of gold or fountains of youth here. Just death; death and pain and a one-legged asshole that’ll soon be a skeleton because he thought he’d be good enough to survive this place.

I’m sorry, sorry for everything that happened to you, lads. I’m sorry that you’ll never see your families again because of a promise that I made as a child. I only hope that you’ll forgive me when I meet you in the afterlife.

Celestia was out the door before the book hit the table.

Later…

“So he was teaching you about the ship’s thrusters?” Twilight asked Luna, the mare barely stopping herself from drooling as she looked up at the dirty, sweaty, exhausted, but proud-looking princess, who was beaming down at her.

“Yep, Mr. Orion was a very astute teacher, and he somehow made all of that techno-babble entertaining to listen to,” Luna told her while they slowly rounded a corner. “I think I’ll go down there again and help him out; he’s an old bull and the strain might not be good for him.”

Twilight almost skipped in excitement as she let Cadance lead their little group back to their hammocks. “Do you think that maybe I could join you?” Twilight asked, peering hopefully up at her. “I always wanted to see a human-made engine in action!”

Cadance giggled quietly. “Well you two have fun; I really don’t see how running around on a dark, dirty room is fun but you two have at it.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Well, you can have fun being ogled by half of the ship’s stallions.”

“I’ll have you know I’ve made friends with the ship’s cabin colt,” she said with a huff, thought there was a smile on her face. “He’s the cutest little Pegasus and he’s going to show me the crow’s nest, thank you very much.”

Twilight was about to respond—a sly little thing about Cadance always having a way with kids and how that would help her when she finally popped one out—when Moon all but crashed into them.

“I need ya ta come ‘ere now!” the panicked bat pony said, looking back and forth while he danced in place. “The other princess ‘ell be in a heap o’ trouble when the cap wakes up.”

Luna, a slightly scared look on her face, lifted the first mate into the air and brought him muzzle-to-muzzle with her. “What. Happened. To. My. Sister?” she said dangerously, her eyes glowing white.

Moon froze. “S-She ran inta the c-caps room fer no reason, cryin’ ‘er eyes out.”

Luna dropped the stallion and looked at her fellow princesses, who were looking back at her in concern. All of them were asking themselves why Celestia would do something weird like that, why the usually sensible mare would go running into the proverbial sleeping bear’s cave; a bear with a horrible temper and pistols.

“We should go see what’s going on,” Twilight finally said, trying to sound calm and collected.

“The cap’s a heavy sleeper,” Moon said helpfully while he tried to get back to his hooves. “So he might still be asleep.”

Luna growled. “Just let me go and get the pistol out of my bag,” she said, trotting toward her hammock.

(~~~~>

For many, many years, Celestia had had to deal with her little ponies, protecting and loving and caring for them while she raised and lowered the sun. It was a task that she enjoyed—like any mother did—but it had its ups and downs.

One of the bigger downs for her was the fact that, about a hundred years ago, a few of her more… devout ponies had went and tried to start a religion.

With her at the helm.

With her at the helm where she was a supreme goddess that should rule over everything and everyone.

She tried to stamp it out as soon as it was formed, but it somehow lingered, spreading the word of her ‘godhood’ and how ‘majestic’ and ‘all-powerful’ she was, and boy was she tired of it.

Firstly: because it made her little ponies too distant with her, too cold, and she didn’t like that at all. Secondly: because it forced their already high standards of her that much higher.

No longer could she just go outside and just go to a nice little diner to get some cake, nor could she just walk out of the castle and have a nice conversation with a stallion and mare. And the bowinggods, she hated the bowing.

Was it too much to ask that someone just treat her like a regular mare?! A mare with feelings; feelings that overwhelmed her from time-to-time and made her do slightly crazy things. Like right now for instance.

Strider’s bed was almost as big as her’s was back at the castle, though it was made of straw, not from feathers. It was big, it was comfortable, and she had her hooves around the sleeping man’s waist while she quietly cried her eyes out.

He had lost so much, just trying to find his father, and here she was forcing him to go back to the place that had caused him so much pain. She had known that she had to stay strong during this journey, but what she had read cut her to the bone.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, giving his chest a nuzzle. “I didn’t know, I didn’t know.”

Strider just snorted sleepily, trying to pull his blanket further up his body. To Celestia, it sounded like an angry retort; he had told her tidbits about what had happened to him, she should have guessed that it was worse than he had let on.

She knew what it was like to lose ponies; whether it was because of wars or adventures, she had sent ponies to their deaths. She knew how hard it was to deal with that, and the uncomfortable realization that she might be doing it again crept up on her.

She read the pain in his words, the hopeless realization of what he had done… Something that could happen again if this journey went south.

No, she thought furiously, protectively covering him with a wing. You will not go through the deaths of your crew again, captain, I will make sure of it! Every one of us will make it back alive.

Celestia didn’t look as the door flew open, nor did she look when she heard the rapid clopping of hooves making their way towards her.

“Sister,” someone that sounded awfully like Luna hissed. “What the hay are you bucking doing?”

She whimpered, looking over her shoulder to see her sister, pointing a gun the still somehow sleeping human, a look of confusion in her eyes. “L-Luna, h-he—“

She bit back a sob, and Luna, doing what any sister would do in her situation, put her gun down on the nightstand next to the bed, crawled up into the bed, wrapped her forelegs around her, and tried to calm the big alicorn down.

“Shush, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Luna whispered, while Celestia hugged Strider harder. “Just calm down and tell me what happened.”

The elder sibling just sobbed louder, while Cadance and Twilight rushed over to try to comfort her.

Hours later…

Strider woke up with a little snort, cracking open an eye and looking around his dark room. Rubbing his eyes, he muttered, “Bloody hell, how long was I out?”

After debating on whether or not to just to back to sleep, he sighed. May as well get up, he thought, trying to throw off his blanket. I should see how those buggering princesses are—

He froze when he heard a delicate little snore right by his ear. “Five more minutes,” someone muttered, forcing him back down onto the mattress with strong forelegs while he stiffened in shock. Whoever it was let out a sigh of contentment and snuggled against his side while the puzzled captain looked up at the ceiling.

Alright, there’s someone—He flinched when he heard more sleepy mutterings. –there’s many someones in my bed…. He groaned. “I’m gonna kill Moon!” he swore, pushing the pony-shaped creature off of him and rolling out of the bed with a grunt.

“I can’t sleep for a few hours, on my pissin’ ship, without some bullshit happenin’,” he growled, blindly putting on his leg and tiredly stumbling toward the candle that he kept on his counter. “Where’s that bloody tinder box…. I’m goin’ to find my hat and my pistol and I’m goin’ ta see who the—there it is.”

Practically snarling, Strider struck a match, lit the candle, found his hat, his pistol, put his hat on, checked to see if the gun was loaded, and turned around to see one of the most adorable things that he had ever seen.

Celestia’s usually organized mane was unruly and limp, and it formed a curtain over her face as she slowly rolled over, reaching forehooves out, grabbing her sister and pulling her against her chest. Her chest was slowly rising and falling as she muttered to herself, the whole appearance giving the big mare an almost peaceful quality.

Luna herself was snoring and kicking her hindlegs while she held a much smaller Twilight Sparkle, who in turn was also being held by a sleeping Cadance. It was a sight that would make even the most cynical, black-hearted monster break down and whisper, “Aw”.

Unfortunately for them, Strider was not a monster, he was far worse: a sky captain.

…How did they all fit on that side of that bed? he thought, frowning and lowering the pistol slightly. And didn’t I tell Moon to—

He narrowed his eyes as the princesses when he saw black spots covering Celestia snow-white coat. Frown deepening, he picked up his candle and walked over to the little cuddle pile, almost screaming in rage at what he saw. All four of the princesses, especially Luna, were covered in soot and axle grease, which was also now ruining his bed sheets.

Eye twitching, he quickly made his way out of the room and onto the deck, looking up at the night sky before roaring, “MOOON!”

Moon, who had thought that he had gotten lucky when he got the night duty—it was cooler, and prettier, when the sun wasn’t beating down on you—flinched and turned around to see his captain lumbering toward him, without a shirt, his hat barely on his head, and barely suppressed rage on his face.

“YOU HAD ONE FUCKIN’ JOB, MOON!” Strider snarled while the batpony retreated with that special brand of terror where you know you messed up and you know a swift and vicious punishment was coming your way.

“C-Cap,” he stuttered, debating whether or not he should just try to fly away and try to get to the ground where to could start his new life as a rock farmer. “We tried ta get them out of the room, but we didn’t want ta wake y—“

“I HAVE TWO BLOODY BEDSHEETS,” the human interrupted, picking him up by the neck and getting in his face with a growl. “TWO! DIDN’T YA SEE THAT THEY WERE FILTHY?!”

Moon tried to think of anything, anything, that would get him out if this. “N-no?” he said lamely, while Strider started hyperventilating.

Dropping the stallion, the captain started pacing around the deck. “They drug me, force me into going on a bloody journey, and now I can’t even sleep in peace?!”

His head in his hands, Strider sat down on the deck with a groan. “Moon,” he said, his voice muffled. “Why do the gods hate me?”

Seeing that his captain was down in the dumps, the batpony trotted over and patted the man’s back in what he hoped was a calming gesture. “I’m sure they’ll get better, cap,” he said, sitting down next to him. “Just give ‘em a few days, they’ll be like one of the crew before ya know it.”

Strider snorted, looking up at the moon. “Yeah, and my leg will be growin’ back any day now,” he said sarcastically, getting back to his feet. “Are there any pegasi on hand at the moment, Moon?”

Moon blinked, looking around the deck. “Thunder and Cloudkicker… why?”

The batpony didn’t like his captain’s smile as he slowly made his way back toward his room. “The princesses are dirty, Moon, along with my sheets. So, being the gentlemen I am, I’m gonna give our guests a little midnight shower.”

He smacked Moon on the back of the head, hard. “That’s for not watching ‘em. Now go get some clouds while I get those horses.”

Moon, rubbing his head, nodded. “Alright, Cap! Thunder, Cloud, get yer flanks over the ship and get some rainclouds!”

(~~~~~>

“Come to me, my love.”

Celestia stared up at a floating piece of cake, a dopey smile on her face as she flew up and wrapped her hooves around the chocolate delicacy. “Of course, Sweetie,” she purred, sneaking a quick kiss from the sugary treat.

For a brief second, the cake looked nervous. “My love, I must ask you: will you be my special somepony?”

Celestia gasped, her hooves flying to her mouth while tears started to form in her eyes. With a quivering lip, she said, “Of course; of course I’ll be your special somepony and—“

BOOM!

The alicorn woke with a shriek, right as cold, cold rainwater descended upon her, Twilight, Luna, and Cadance. “Cold, c-cold, sweet Faust’s flaming teats, COLD!”

She tried to trot away from the horrible water when she was smacked in the face with a bed sheet, knocking her off her hooves and into the rest of the princesses—all whom were at various levels of panic—everypony shrieking as an amused Strider and horrified Moon looked on.

“Serves ‘em right,” the captain said, turning around. “Moon, make sure they bathe when they calm down. You got the soap, right?”

The first mate nodded, looking up at Thunder and Cloud, both whom were still kicking the rainclouds. “Don’t ya think this is a little…” They both looked at the wiggling, screaming, sputtering pile of princesses. “…much? They’re being loud enough ta wake up the whole ship…”

“Don’t care,” Strider responded, walking toward the door that led below deck. “Now, make sure ya do your job this time while I go look at my map’s.”

“Should I bring ya yer rum?”

“Sweet Celestia why have you forsaken us?!”

“Don’t you bucking blame me, Twlight!”

“…Yes, Moon, bring me enough rum ta make the world go away.” Strider finally adjusted his hat. “Now, I got some work ta do.”