Shanghaied by Ponies ?!?!?!

There is something enchanting about being thousands of miles up in the air that both terrified and brought a smile to Cadance’s face as she looked out on the endless sky. Thirty thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven feet, that was how high the Sky Hawk was flying at that moment.

That simple number could never hold a candle to actually experiencing it; because that was what it was: an experience.

At thirty thousand nine hundred and fifty-seven feet, mountains looked like hills, their snow-covered tops glinting in the sunlight.

At that height the sun, an object that Cadance usually looked up at with a familiar warmth, was nothing less than harsh. Where it was once just a gentle, warming light source, almost two thousand feet up made it a massive, burning hazard that practically singed her coat while it tried its hardest to burn holes through her eyelids whenever she closed her eyes.

Now that she thought about it, almost everything up here was a wilder, more dangerous, version of what it was down on the ground.

The wind blew constantly and viciously, threatening anyone that grew too close to the edge of the ship with a risk of falling off.The air was dangerously thin, even for an alicorn like herself. Even the crew, ponies and gryphons and minotaurs that seemed like perfectly all right individuals, seemed intimidating and angry at this height.

It had made the pink alicorn just sit down and quietly ask herself why anypony, anyone would put themselves through this. That is, until she spent her first night up here.

She could still remember it—and would probably remember it until the day she died. They were drifting just above the clouds, making the ship look like it was sailing on top of them, when it seemed like the whole sky, the whole universe, just opened up.

Planets that she had only heard about from her studies in Canterlot University were just there on display. And the stars, oh the stars! Millions of them had been twinkling up there, bright and full and absolutely beautiful. It brought her to tears when she first saw it, and showed her just how small she was compared to the inky blackness that held everything.

Strider had laughed out loud when he saw her expression.

“You best close that mouth of yers, before something goes and flies into it,” he said mirthfully. “It’s not that grand of a sight; ya can’t even see Pluto tonight, that’s when the sky really shows ya things.”

He was right of course, and it was the reason the Princess of Love was laying in the crow’s nest with her newest little friend, a darling little pegasus colt named Skipper, in the middle of the day—under an umbrella of course—just so she could look down at the clouds, something that she couldn’t help but get a kick out of.

To her mild horror—she used to be a foalsitter after all—she had learned the hard way that Captain Strider, like most sky captains, was not above having barely grown children as crew members.

Not that the colt did anything that difficult, the captain had said when she had burst through his door demanding answers, he was just a cabin boy. It was his job to use watch, learn, and run errands for the captain. And the colt was as happy as could be with all of the work.

“I wanna be a captain just like cap’ Strider,” Skipper had told her, his little chest puffed out. “An’ I’m lucky as can be working on the Sky Hawk. I get paid; I get to see the world… I don’t have my mum hounding me all day every day.”

Skipper was a very talkative colt, so Cadance always got an earful whenever he was around, and since he was talking, she decided to ask some questions; questions that might help her and her fellow princesses with their stay on the ship or just for curiosities sake.

How did the ship’s thrusters keep it this high without contacting with the ground?

Why were there earth ponies and minotaurs on this ship?

What were the Sky Lands really?

Who was captain Strider, Skylord and human, really?

Surprisingly, Skipper knew a lot more than she thought he would for somepony his age.

They had to sail this height to stay in sight of the clouds—which they used as a water source—and the wind helped propel the ship through the air faster. Earth ponies and minotaurs were the heavy movers of the ship, pushing and lifting and carrying everything from crates to repairing parts for the ship.

But there were some things that he just couldn’t explain to her, be they too complex for the colt or he just didn’t know.

He really couldn’t explain the Sky Lands to her; in fact, other than the massive tornado that was said to surround the islands, no one except the captain really knew what was in there.

Now that she was thinking about the Captain—who was almost a puzzle wrapped in a riddle wrapped into a secret to the young alicorn—she couldn’t help but frown.

Even though he was perfectly civil—usually—he hadn’t really spoke to her or the other princesses if he could help it, almost like he was going out of his way to avoid them!

Not even his crew knew that much about him. He had been a captain longer than they had been alive, most of them had said—when she had asked—and he was human, which was all she was able to get out of them. And that did not make her very happy; she was a very social alicorn, and she couldn’t really understand why the captain kept himself such a mystery with everyone.

I think that somepony should try to change that, she thought to herself, a small smile on her face as she looked down at Skipper, who continued to talk about his mother. Being shut off from everypony isn’t healthy at all…

She resisted the urge to lean down and nuzzle the cabin boy. How the hay could his mother let something so sweet out of her sight for more than five seconds?

She was about to explain to him why his mother ‘hounded’ him so much whenever he was home when a bell rang out proudly, Cadance resisting the urge to groan while Skipper hopped to his feet and ruffling his feathers.

“Did you hear that, Mrs. Cadance?” he asked her while she also stood up, closing her umbrella and trying not to squint under the sun’s harsh glare.

“Yeah, Skipper, I heard it,” she answered emotionlessly. “The lunch bell, right?

With a hop, Skipper flew out of the crow’s nest and spread his wings, gently gliding down to the deck with the princess following, Cadance keeping a close eye on the colt so he wouldn’t accidently hurt himself.

“That’s right, Mrs. Cadance!” the colt gleefully said as he touched down and practically skipped toward the door that led under the deck. “And we’re having gruel again!’

Cadance resisted the urge to groan while she followed him into the ship’s cool underbelly. Again?! She thought exasperated.

Not that the gruel was bad… okay it was bad, but she was never going to tell the cook that; it also didn’t help that they had been eating it for the last four days. How the crew, or even her fellow princesses, were able to eat it with a smile on their faces was a mystery to her.

“When he gets to the gryphon’s capital I’m going to buy enough fruit and hay to last me a month,” she muttered to herself, quietly thanking Skipper as he opened the door for her.

Curiosity overcoming her for a second, she stopped and said, “Um, Skipper, could I ask you a question?”

The colt stopped and eagerly nodded. “Sure, whatcha need to know?”

“How can you eat gruel every day?”

Skipper chuckled quietly before brushing past her, leading her to the probably already crowded cafeteria. “Well, ma’am, if you work fifteen hours without a break, anything tastes great.”

Even though he didn’t mean it in an insulting way, Cadance still flinched slightly. Awkwardly chuckling, she said, “You all do work hard.” She noticed that Skipper’s chest puffed out slightly at the praise. “I’ve seen how you keep the clouds away from the thrusters.”

“Somepony needs to do it, Mrs. Cadance,” he said simply. “Everyone here does their part to make sure that the Sky Hawk stays in the air.”

Cadance didn’t comment on how she had flown right behind him to make sure that nothing bad was going to happen to him. Sure he had a crew of other gryphons and pegasi all watching him carefully, but when they told her that that was going to be Skipper’s first time doing that particular job, her instincts had kicked in; something that she was sure everyone was going to be thoroughly sick of by the time this journey was over.

Not that it mattered to her; she just wanted to try to keep Skipper from knowing that she was keeping an eye on him.

Cadance was pondering so ponderously that she didn’t notice Skipper stop suddenly , the colt looking toward the small room where Strider hadn’t set foot out of for days. “The Cap though? He’s the one that makes sure that we go where we need to go,” the pegasus’ grinned back at her. “Not a better navigator in all of the sky’s.”

I wonder if anypony’s brought him anything to eat? she thought, entering the loud kitchen. Skipper would’ve already done that this morning, right?... No, he was down at the bottom of the deck most of the day and then talking with me so I don’t think he’s talked to the Captain yet…

Like most ship kitchens, the Sky Hawk’s was too small for the size of its crew, the food smelled like the inside of a dirty sock, there weren’t enough tables and benches to sit at, and its ‘ chef’ was a very fat earth pony that went by the name of Tin Cup. An ironic name because everything the stallion made had this tinny taste to it.

Cadance winced as soon as she entered the cafeteria, half because of the horrid smell of a roomful of sweaty ponies, half because of the yelling that seemed to be coming from all over the tiny room. That was something else she was still getting used to, the tiny, cramped spaces.

She was used to huge, elegant spaces where thousands of ponies could fit with ease, and it was almost jarring now that she slept, ate, and walked around in tight, cramped spaces, with loud, and sometimes grabby, creatures, but she was slowly getting used to it. Though she still could do without the smell; everyone here was supposed to bathe at least twice a week, but it didn’t seem like it was enough. Sweet, sweet Faust, it wasn’t enough.

After waiting in line for her bowl of... food, she looked around, hoping to see Twilight, Celestia, or Luna in all of this madness. It took a bit of polite shoving, but thankfully she found them at a table in the corner of the room; a table that the crew had kindly reserved for them to eat at whenever they felt the need.

Pushing her way through the crowd, while all the muttering apologies, she finally made it to a bench, sitting down and smiling at her fellow princesses. “Hello, Luna, Twilight,” she yelled over the crowd with a half-smile.

Luna blinked and lifted her muzzle from her bowl. “Oh, hello, Cadance,” she said brightly before she smiled slyly. “How has your foalsitting been going?”

The Princess of Love rolled her eyes. “Har, har very funny,” she said sarcastically, looking over at Twilight and her small tower of papers. “I was just looking after Skipper for a little bit.” She sighed tiredly. “Most of the time I’ve been helping the crew with a few of the sails; they needed somepony to keep them in the air and I picked the short straw.”

Luna—covered in soot and grease, Cadance couldn’t help but notice—snorted, but didn’t say anything as Twilight, mumbling to herself, continued to write… whatever she was writing down with an almost fanatical devotion.

“What are you doing, Twilight?” she asked curiously, looking down at her gruel before carefully sticking her spoon in it. When she tried to scoop some of the food out of her bowl the spoon bent. Sweet Faust, what is this stuff made out of, cement?!

The bookworm looked up from her writing, bleary-eyed, and gave her a bright smile. “Oh, I’m just finishing up writing down the conversations that me and some of the crew members had.” Twilight’s smile grew to Pinkie-like proportions. “Did you know that almost half of the world’s sentient creatures are aboard this vessel?”

She started rubbing her hooves together while Luna and Cadance looked on. “Over twenty languages, cultures, along with the differing ideas…” Twilight was practically hopping in her seat now. “And I’ve only hit the—“

Eyes rolling, Luna shut Twilight’s mouth with a quick spell. “Please calm down, Twilight,” she said with mirth while she looked around. “Your little rambling’s attracting stares.”

The princesses looked around, Twilight flinching and turning red from embarrassment when almost half of the cafeteria’s occupants turned around and looked at their plates while whistling.

Cadance resisted the urge to laugh while she wrapped a wing over her step-sister. “So you’re learning everything that these salt sea dogs know?” She smiled down at her. “At least you're keeping yourself busy and—“

“Um, Mrs. Cadance, did you need something else to eat? Maybe I could get Cookie to make you something other than gruel,” a stallion, his hat in his hooves and a little blush on his face, asked, interrupting the pink alicorn.

Cadance gave him a little smile, which made him blush even harder, while Luna and Twilight looked at her in annoyance. For some reason, not known by any of the princesses but Cadance, the whole crew had, over the last few day and down to the man, fallen in love with the pink princess, many of them going out of their way to make sure that she didn’t want for anything.

She was thirsty? Someone would bring her a glass of water. She was getting too much sun? She’d find a cloud overhead, shielding her from the sun’s harsh glare.

It was something that Cadance found terribly amusing; almost as amusing as her fellow princesses reactions at the crew’s affections. While Celestia and Twilight just shook their head and chuckled at the stallions silliness, Luna seemed almost upset. It seemed like the Lunar princess had expected to be a pirate queen already, and since she was getting that and Cadance was getting pampered by the crew, Luna couldn’t stop herself from complaining.

Though, to be fair, she had a much easier job than Cadance, who had been elected to work with the day crew on the poop deck, so her angry mutterings were ignored my everypony.

Twilight frowned down at her food while Cadance tried to gently tell the pony that she was alright and he didn’t need to go out of his way to do anything for her, the pink mare looking back toward the door in worry. “I have a lot of notes, but there’s still a lot to learn,” she said distractedly, while Cadance’s gaze wandered toward the door.

“I heard one of the crew say that we’d be in the capital in a day or two!” Cadance wiggled in her seat excitedly. “It’s been so long since I’ve been there! I wonder if they still have that little bakery that I liked?”

You know, I should probably ask where aunt Celestia is, Cadance thought, looking toward her other aunt, who was somehow eating her gruel with a smile on her face. “Luna, do you know where Celestia is?”

Luna nodded, her face scrunched up in irritation. “Tia’s been with the captain since this morning,” she said, beginning to lick her bowl clean. “I don’t understand why she’s worrying so much; her looking at maps all day isn’t going to help anything.”

She nodded, looking at her food before pushing the bowl away in disgust. “I’m going to go and get those two something to eat,” she said, getting out of her seat. “You guys can eat… that if you want. “

Twilight and Luna looked at each other, then at the bowl, before Twilight smiled, her gaze going back down to her notes. “You can have it if you want, Luna,” she said kindly, while Luna licked her lips and pulled the bowl over.

“Thank you, Twilight.” The Lunar Princess ate a spoonful, licking the gruel’s residue off her lips. “I don’t know why, but there is just… something to this food.”

“Maybe it’s the rotten potatoes.” Twilight spared a glance at the grey substance. “It might make some chemical change to the food that makes it tasty to you.”

“Maybe it is,” Luna agreed, looking at the greyish food thoughtfully before taking another greedy bite.

<~~~~)

Celestia had been having a rough few days. Her hammock was too uncomfortable for somepony her size, the rocking of ship had made her horribly sick for the last few days, and Strider was just sitting in his room full of maps, muttering to himself and ignoring her while she tried to talk to him!

The captain himself was trying his hardest to drink through a month’s worth of rum rations, bottles littering the table and floor and the mild reek of the spicy liquor making Celestia crinkle her nose. Though he reeked of rum, he seemed shockingly sober, looking through journals and maps while he wrote down notes on his findings.

“Captain,” she said, for what felt like the thousandth time. “Could you please explain to me how we’re going to get past the outlying area of the Sky Lands?”

Strider, muttering to himself, a quill, a jar of ink, and stacks of papers by his side, ignored her while he used two fingers to measure the distance between two islands. “Five hundred miles,” he muttered, his hand reaching for a quill. “That’ll take us two days to get through…”

Celestia watched with a huff as his hand crawled around the table, until, with a spell, she levitated it over to him. “You know, if you don’t want me in here, all you have to do is tell me to leave,” she said in irritation, too tired to keep the impatience out of her voice.

“I’m been trying to apologize to you since this morning, for breaking into your bedroom the other—“

“And throwing up all over about ten of my crewmembers,” Strider interrupted, grabbing some device that Celestia couldn’t name and toying with it.

Celestia winced. “—And throwing up on your crewmates.” She looked away from him. “And for reading some of your more… personal writings.”

The captain gave her an emotionless shrug, tapping said journal, which was an arm’s length away, with a hand. “I told ya that I’ve made my peace with that years ago,” he said dismissively. “I said ya had free reign of the ship; I almost expected that you’d find something like that eventually.”

The alicorn looked back over at him. “But I still feel sorry for it; if not for your benefit than for mine.”

Strider scribbled something on a piece of paper. “Whatever helps ya sleep at night princess.”

Now smiling, Celestia took a step toward him, straining on her tippy-hooves to look over his shoulder. “I’m glad that the two of us could clear the waters,”she said with a smile. “Now could you please tell me—“

“No.”

Celestia’s smile turned into a frown. “Captain, please—“

Still not looking up from the map, Strider said, “You’re the one that came in here this morning, trying to keep me from my work.” He wrote something down while she squeaked in outrage. “And that’s not helping no one. Nor will me tellin’ me ya how we’re getting through the hell’s gate, so I’m not gonna.”

“I just wanted to see how much headway we are making!”

The captain pulled a jug out from a bundle of papers, spitting out the cork before taking a gulp of its contents. “Like I told ya before, we’re not making any yet.” He opened a book, reading through it quickly before drawing something on another piece of paper. “We’re going to restock before we go up north.”

After a minute of silence from the two, he added,” Oh, and ya can leave if yer done spillin’ yer heart out ta me.” He waved a hand toward the door. “Go play with my crew or yer princesses or something. I still ‘ave work to do.”

Celestia resisted the urge to facehoof, grumbling to herself before she shoved the man away from his maps. “Captain, please,” she said, while he narrowed his eyes at her in irritation. “Please, I want to help, or at least be kept in the loop, could you—“

The two turned to the door as Cadance burst through it, the pink alicorn walking through with a smile on her face and two bowls of gruel floating around her head. “Hello, Mr. Strider, Princess.” She passed them their food. “I brought you both something to eat.”

Even though she was still a little upset, she gave her niece a thankful smile. “Thank you, Cadance.” Her stomach growled suddenly, making her look down at it with a sheepish smile. “...It seems that your kindness has reminded me how famished I am.”

She glared at Strider, who was still looking down at his maps and his notes, his gruel lying on the table, already forgotten. “I’m sure the captain here would thank you too, but right now all he’s doing is writing and drinking… rum.”

While Cadance didn’t know why the princess had all but spat out the last word, she trotted over toward the tables anyway, simple curiosity all but forcing her to stand over the captain’s other shoulder, trying to see what he had written down.

“What are you doing, Mr. Strider?” She asked straining to see what he was writing.

The man grunted, picking her up by the scruff of her neck—a feat of strength even for a human—and placing her on a stool beside him. “I’m navigatin’,” he responded, placing his quill down and picking up his gruel and tearing into it.

He let Cadance idly paw at the notes, a small smile on her face as she read. “Oh? I thought you’d already been to the Gryphon capital.”

He swallowed his mouthful of food before answering, “Two trips through the air’s never the same, Ms. Cadenza. The clouds, the winds, anything and everything needs to be looked at;, just in case.”

Cadance nodded, looking through some of the old books that he had been looking through. “And that’s why you’ve been down here?” she questioned, looking over at the single candle that barely lit the room. How can he even see right now? She thought.

The captain nodded while Celestia frowned. “What’s with the sudden chattiness, Mr. Strider? I’ve been asking you questions for hours and you’ve been ignoring me.”

Even though he didn’t particularly like her tone, he grunted, “All you’ve been doin’ is sitting next ta me, being a crybaby, an’ that’s why I’ve been ignoring ya.” He turned toward her, an eyebrow raised. “I’m sure you’ve have other reasons fer something down here.” Not looking away from her, he reached down for his bottle of rum. “I bet you’re just here ta get out of yer bloody sun.” He smiled. “Can’t blame ya, it is cool in here.”

Celestia stiffened, a scowl on her face. “I would never bother you just because I think it’s a little too hot,” she spat, her chest puffing out slightly. “And my sun isn’t hot to me, thank you very much!”

“Lucky you,” Cadance muttered, grinning sheepishly when her aunt gave her a glare that could peel paint.

“Or maybe ya just want by company?” He grinned as the alicorn gawked at the accusation. “I’m sure I ‘ave a bottle of brandy around here. We could snuggle by the candlelight, tell each other stories…“

…You know, that’s not that bad of an idea… I bet I could find somepony in a pinch…. Cadance thought, eyeing Strider carefully while Celestia blushed, her eyes bugging out in surprise while she sputtered. “I would n-never, I was just trying to—“

Cadance looked back down at the papers, reading a few paragraphs before frowning. Cleared her throat, she said. “Mr. Strider?”

“Yes, Mrs. Cadenza?”

“Why do you have to flip the ship upside down?”

Celestia’s eyes widened, her embarrassment forgotten, before she used a spell to tear away the journal from her niece’s grasp. “What?!”

Strider took a calm sip of his rum, looking at Cadance. “Mrs. Cadenza, do ya by chance know anything about the Sky Lands?”

She nodded nodded hesitantly. “I’ve read up a little on the subject when my aunt came to me and told me that we had to go on this journey,” she admitted, her gaze going to the map on the table. “Most of what I was able to look up was either myth or…”

“Nonsense?” Strider supplied.

The mare nodded while Celestia continued to read. “Yes, nonsense,” she said, leaning toward the table. “What some ponies wrote about that place…”

“It wasn’t ponies that wrote those stories,” the captain said, putting his empty bowl on the table. “It was my kind, and most of those tellings aren’t ‘stories’.”

Cadance paled. “Does that mean the tornado that surrounds the islands is real?”

Strider nodded, getting out of his chair and stretching, grunting as bones popped. “Yep, and it’s why we have to go upside down. That’ll keep those winds from smashing the ship into pieces.” Gently taking the paper out of Celestia’s magic, he sat back down, looking at the map. “We gotta see the ground to get past the hell gate.”

“…And how does that work?”

He laughed before grabbing his rum. “No idea, but it got me through just fine the first time.”

“And you’re sure that it’s safe?” Celestia asked, sitting beside him.

“Lass, we’re goin’ to a place so dangerous that we’ll be goin’ through pirate infested skies, five different countries whose rulers hate my guts, and over a frozen tundra where one bad storm could kill us all.” Strider took another drink.

“And if we don’t die from any o’ that, and we get through the bloody tornado, we ‘ave to go through a place I called the shark lands.” He pulled out an old, hand-drawn sketch of what looked like a shark hewn from rock.

“Those pissin’ things are bigger than this ship, made completely out of stone, but act, think, and kill the same ways as breathin’ sharks!” Celestia and Cadance looked at each other while the captain continued to work himself up. “An’, if we fuckin’ get past them, we’ll ‘ave to get through a chain of islands that house a tribe of sky-sirens!”

Working up her courage, Celestia asked, “And what’s after that?”

Strider shrugged. “Don’t know, I didn’t get past the sirens. It could be—“

The three watched turned toward the door as it burst open, a panicked Moon looking at the three for a moment before he said,” Cap, Skipper spied a ship coming toward us from the portside!”

Strider rose from his seat, his hands going to his pockets as he brushed past the stallion. “What colors are they—no,” he said as Celestia and Cadance rose to follow him. “You two stay here.”

“But we can help you!” Celestia protested, trying to move past him.

He snorted, crossing his arms. “And how are ya gonna do that?” he asked. “And do ya even know if something’s gonna turn bad?” He gently pushed the big mare back into the room. “For all we know, it could just be a commercial vessel.”

“But there’s no way you're sober enough to deal with this on your own!”

“Ha, I’m more sober than ya are, lass,” he said, almost falling on his face when he took a step forward, getting quiet laughs from Cadance and Moon.

Frowning, the captain slapped Moon on the back of the head. “’An’ you, what the hell do ya think yer doing, hopping in here like yer pants are on fire?”

Moon grinned sheepishly while he rubbed the back of his head with a hoof. “…Sorry Cap…”

Strider grunted again. “Keep those two ‘ere like I told ya to do before,” he said. “Don’t want everyone seein’ princesses on my ship.” He was about to close the door before he opened it, pointing at the princesses. “Sit. Stay. Don’t you bloody move until I get back here.”

As he closed the door, the three heard him quietly mutter, “Bloody ponies.”

Moon waited until the human was out of sight before sighing and turning around. “Alright, lasses, we’ll stay here and I’ll get—“

Pop!

Moon and Celestia watched as Cadance blinked out of the room, Moon blinking before sitting on his rump and putting his head in his hooves. “Dammit, the cap’s gonna kill me,” he moaned, sobbing after Celestia calmly walked over and wrapped the poor batpony in a hug.

<~~~~)

After getting his hat, his pistols, and his sword, Strider quickly made his way up to the deck to see chaos. His crew were running around, shouting while they carried around charges and cannonballs. He couldn’t help but groan while he covered his face with a hand.

Every bloody time… he thought, before whistling loudly. “Oi! The bloody hell you lot hoppin’ around for?”

They all stopped what they were doing to look at him, before an earth pony said, “Cap, there’s—“

“I see the bloody ship, you morons,” he spat, walking to a rail to get a good look at the small ship. “I want half of ya ta be ready at the guns, just in case, but the rest of ya get the hell back to work!”

He turned back toward the ship while his crew, yelling their yes sir’s, scurried to carry out his orders. “I need ta get a better crew,” the captain muttered, not noticing the alicorn that was sneaking up on him. “Or at least I need ta get a few of them that aren’t so pissin’ stupid…”

“So are they pirates, Mr. Strider?”

Strider jumped in surprise, turning and glaring at a smiling Cadance, who had her head cocked to the side in confusion when he saw his angry expression. “…What?”

“What the hell are ya doin’ up here when I told ya ta stay under the deck!” He said, giving her a little push. “Are ya bloody deaf? I don’t want anyone ta know that I’m lugging you bloody ponies around!”

The mare looked up at him with a slight frown. “I understand your concern,“ she said calmly, with an excited sparkle in her eye, “but I wanted to see pirates before this journey ends.” She pointed at the ship. “I want to see what a sky pirate ship and crew look like, and in my professional opinion, that looks like a pirate ship.”

The princess looked up at him expectantly while he tried to process what she had just told him. Never in all of my years as a captain have I heard something so stupid, he thought, a vein slowly starting to bulge in his forehead.

Nevermind that she didn’t know how horrible it would be if they actually saw a pirate ship, and he could have told her that that wasn’t a man-of-war—the preferred vessel of any sky pirate worth his salt—just a little scouting ship. No, where the alicorn messed up, like really messed up, was when she started running around on deck like a moron.

He knew who the owner of this particular ship was and how much of a blabbermouth he happened to be. I should just shoot her, he thought, suddenly feeling exhausted. EVERY single person in the bloody world’s gonna know that I have princesses on my ship!

As Cadance peered over the railing to look at the ship, a happy smile on her face, she didn’t notice a calculating look sweep across Strider’s face while one of his hands slowly went down toward his pistol.

The only thing that saved the Princess of Love from a certain death—or at least a nasty whack on the head with the back of the captain’s pistol—was a single shot that rang through the air, Cadance and Strider looking at the mysterious ship before the captain looked toward her.

“Cadenza,” he said. “Cover your ears.” Cadance was about to ask him what he meant by that when the human, eyes glued on the ship, pulled out his pistol, aimed it upward, and fired.

Cadance yelped, her ears ringing as Strider put the gun away and said something to one of his crew. “WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?” she yelled.

Strider looked down at her “I told ya ta to cover your ears,” he said, putting the pistol away.

The pink alicorn’s eyes narrowed. “WHAT?”

Strider started to rub his temples. “Ya can’t hear me, can ya?”

“WHAT?”

Rolling his eyes, he squatted down and started to rub behind her ears. “Just give it a moment, you’ll be fine…. Ya pissin’ moron.” The mare leaned forward slightly, a small smile on her face as he tried to rub the ringing out of her ears.

He shook his head, standing up a minute later. “There, can ya hear me now?”

Cadance nodded, rubbing her ear with a hoof. “You could have warned me that you were going to just start shooting!”

He didn’t even bother telling her that he, in fact, had done just that. “Well, ya should have been under the deck,” he smartly replied, making his way over to a dinghy and climbing in it. “I’m gonna go see what their captain wants.”

“Can I go?” the mare asked with a little grin, hopping slightly in place.

“No, ya can’t,” Strider instantly answered, looking down at her with a grown while she looked up at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Pwease?”

While her looks could have been considered a weapon in some countries—and they happened to be in Gryphon Empire—the captain just turned away from her, hopping in the dinghy and starting the engine. “No,” he repeated, revving the engine before taking off through the sky, leaving Cadance squeaking in outrage.

“That’ll learn her,” he muttered, frowning when he saw a dinghy flying toward him in the distance. “Now, let’s hope that this isn’t who I think it i—“

Pop!

Before Cadance fully materialized in the little ship, Strider’s sword was at her throat, the alicorn stiffening when she felt the cold steel on her neck while the human glared down at her. “H-hi!” she said, not daring to move, lest she ‘accidently’ lose her head.

“You know, the whole you not listening ta me thing is starting to get real old, horse,” Strider spat, slapping her cheek with the flat of his sword before putting it away.

“I-I’m sorry,” Cadance mumbled, looking at the dinghy’s floor. “I just wanted to see if there was anything I could do to help and—“

“Now don’t you try an’ make me feel bad,” the captain interrupted, stopping the ship and clamping her mouth shut. “You’re not bleedin’ sorry; you know it, I know it, so I’m gonna let ya get it out of your system.” He pointed at the dinghy. “I’ll let ya stay here and gawk at that pissin’ constable all ya want an’ then ya won’t have to do anythin’ like this again, ya understand?”

Cadance nodded with a smile, though she saw still slightly disappointed that she wasn’t actually going to see a pirate captain. “Thank you, Mr. Strider,” she said quietly, looking past him and at the oncoming dinghy. “Now, who the hay are we meeting?”

She was so enraptured at the sight of the quickly moving dinghy she didn’t notice Strider frowning. “If I recognize that ship, we’re about ta meet a constable of Talonia.” His frown deepened. “Ah grubby, thieving bastard named Alain.”

Cadance cocked her head as the outline of a gryphon-shaped creature blurred into reality on the tiny little ship. “Aw, he can’t be that bad,” she said with a quiet giggle. “I remember last time my aunt’s and I were in Talonia. Everypony there was so sweet.”

Strider chuckled, his arms crossing. “I’m sure a pissin’ princess would see the city like that,” he muttered in mirth, “but ta a normal everyday captain, the city isn’t the high-ridge quarters.”

“We weren’t just there the whole time,” Cadance defended with a frown. “The Empress took us down into—“

“Oh, if it isn’t my favorite monkey!”

Cadance squeaked in surprise as the dinghy rocked violently, almost throwing her out of the boat. “What the heck happened—“ A voice cleared its throat, the alicorn taking a few moments to steady herself before looking up at Strider, who was glaring at something to their left.

“Alain,” he growled, fingering his pistol. “I’m sure ya saw that I had someone else on the boat, ya poor excuse for a bird.” Cadance followed his gaze toward a sharply dressed gryphon—who looked like he was ready to go to a gala—who gasped in shock.

“Oh, it appears that you are correct, Mr. Strider!” the hawk said dramatically, with only the barest hint of an accent, while he swooned in his boat. “In my haste to greet an old friend—“

Strider cocked his gun. “You’re no friend of mine, bird,” he spat. “Now say what ya have ta say so I can get to her pissin’—“

Alain tsked the man, waving a single claw in his direction while he eyed Cadance. “Where are your manners, my friend?” he asked in amusement before bowing to the alicorn. “Though it doesn’t surprise me that an uncultured human like you wouldn’t know how to act around a lady,” the gryphon’s eyes sparkled as he looked up at Cadance.

“It is my greatest honor to meet you, my fair lady,” he said, taking the hoof a giggling Cadance gave him and kissing it. “I am Alain de Augustin: second to my name and second in line to the Augustin estate.” Standing back to his full height he waved a claw around dismissively. “I also happen to be a chief constable for my fair city of Talonia, but I do not wish to bore you with such trifle things, Mrs…”

The gryphon’s claw snaked back to his side when the flat of a blade slapped against it, Cadance glaring up at the now sword wielding Strider. “Ya know who she is, Alain,” Strider said, ignoring the princess’ angry look. “And ya keep yer bloody claws to yourself; can’t imagine where they’ve been.”

Cadance stomped her hoof. “Strider, why are you being so hostile?” she demanded, poking his chest with her snout. “Mr. Alain here has been nothing but a—“

“It is alright, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza,” Alain said, adjusting his blue petticoat before his claw rested on a pistol at his side. “I am used to Strider’s… mistrust.”

“The last time I even thought about trusting you I woke up naked as a deer’s sex-slave,” Strider said without missing a beat, a scowl still on his face. “Now quiet beatin’ around the bush like ya always do and tell me what ya want… And quit giving me that look, Cadenza, ya don’t know this bird like I do.”

Alain tsked again. “If you insist, Captain.” he said with a wave of the claw. “I’m sure you know that you’re in the air space of the Gryphon Empire.”

Strider put his sword away with a grunt, though his hand didn’t leave the pommel. “Of course I know.”

“And you’re about a day and a half’s ride from the jewel of the world.”

“If ya call yer pisshole of a city a jewel then yes.” Now smiling hugely, the bird pulled out a document from inside his jacket and opened it with so much flourish that even Cadance was rolling her eyes.

“Then, my friend, it is my greatest honor to inform you that it is my duty as a constable to investigate your vessel for any contraband, illegal substances—“

“Isn’t that the same thing?” Cadance asked, cocking her head to the side.

Alain gave her another wave of his claw. “There’s illegal things and then there are illegal things. Slaves, drugs, weapons—“

“None of which I have,” Strider said while Cadance gasped in shock. “An’ ya ain’t stepping a claw on my ship.” He nudged a thumb toward the Sky Hawk. “AND if ya have ‘ave a problem with that, I have a few twenty pounders with your name on ‘em.”

He leaned over and shut the bird’s mouth shut before he could protest. “Ya can ‘escort’ us to the capital if ya want, and ya can watch while a real constable looks over my ship, but other than that ya can piss off.”

Alain wrenched his beak away from the captain’s hand, a scowl on his face. “I must protest, Strider, you know I can’t—“

Strider pointed at Cadance. “I’m giving the royalty of Equestria passage ta Talonia so they can see yer Empress,” he lied, nudging Cadance when the mare tried to say anything. “I’m sure that the empress wouldn’t like ta hear that ya were harassing us for no good bleedin’ reason, would she?”

Cadance watched as the gryphon visibly paled, looking away from them before clearing his throat. “Um, of course not!” He bowed to Cadance again. “As a faithful servant to our lady, it would be my duty to see you to our fair city.”

He gave Cadance a smile she didn’t like. “And if the lady would be kind and tell the empress who went out of his way to help her in her time of need?...”

Getting another shove from Strider, Cadance nodded with a fake smile. “Of course, Mr. Alain,” she said, giving his head a little awkward pat. “I’ll be sure to tell Empress Lai what a dear you’ve been.”

Strider nodded, taking a step back and revving the dinghy’s engine. “Alright, now that we’ve got this nonsense out of the way, I’m gonna take Ms. Cadenza here back to my ship. She’s got… princess-y things ta do before she meets the empress.”

Without another word, Strider kicked Alain’s dinghy away from his before launching the ship forward, Cadance biting back a shriek as she was forced back from the sheer g-force. “Strider,” she yelled, not realizing that she was holding tightly onto his leg. “Slow down!”

“I can’t, Cadenza,” Strider yelled over the wind, a firm grip on his hat as quickly spun the dinghy around and toward the Sky Hawk. “We have ta make sure that we get to the ship before that bird does.”

“…Why?”

Strider snuck a peek over his shoulder. “Cause I really don’t want ta be shot out of the air if I can help it.”

Cadance looked up at him on confusion. “Why would you—“ she was once again almost thrown overboard when their dinghy screeched to a halt, Strider tossing her onto the deck of the Sky Hawk before securing the little boat and hopping onto the ship himself.

“Lads, we got that bloody constable taking escorting us to Talonia!” he yelled, stomping toward the door that lead to under the ship. “I want a guard set up here and a double guard set on our stores, I don’t want any of his crew members coming onto the ship and stealing our rum!”

He looked down at Cadance with a smirk. “An’ Celestia said I was too bleedin’ drunk ta do anything! I could’ve talked ta the empress ‘erself and that bitch wouldn’t ‘ave known that I’d been drinking; isn’t that right, Mrs. Cadenza?”

Not waiting for an answer, he threw open the door and made his way down the steps, Cadance quickly following him.

“Mr. Strider, is everything going to be alright?” she asked, worry worming its way into her while she watched the captain patting his pockets.

He nodded, looking around like he expected something to jump out of the shadows and attack him. “Since he saw ya he shouldn’t be as bad as he usually is, but it don’t hurt anything to make sure he don’t try anything.”

He’s not gonna get his thieving claws on any of my shit this time; fuckin’ constable, Strider silently added to himself, making his way to the map room and throwing open the door. Luna, Celestia, and Twilight, seeing the captain and Cadance, quickly rose from where they were sitting and trotted toward him.

“Is everything alright, captain?” Celestia asked, trying to keep up a calm front while the captain brushed past her and stood over Moon.

“Moon, go back on deck and make sure that they have those cannons pointed on the ship that’s on our starboard bow.”

Moon frowned. “Is it Alain cap?”

Strider answered him with a hard smack on the head. “That’s for not doing your job keepin’ Cadenza under the deck,” he said as Moon rubbed the back of his head.” And yes, it’s Alain.”

The princesses looked at each other, Strider ignoring them and walking toward the table. Grabbing the bottle of rum that was still half-full, he popped the cork, spat it on the ground, and took a swig. “Well, our day got a whole lot more interestin’,” he muttered, leaning back into his chair.

Luna took a step toward him, a scowl on her face as she gave his stomach a hard poke. “Captain, are we going to be attacked or not?”

Strider waved them away with a hand. “Don’t get yer knickers in a bunch, no one’s shooting at anyone today. We’re just being escorted to Talonia by one of the biggest bastards that I ‘ave the displeasure of knowin’.”

Celestia’s eyes widened. “Should we be worried?”

Strider just ignored her, humming to himself before grabbing his pen and reopening his maps. “Oh, and before I forget, you all stay under the deck,” he muttered, writing something on a piece of paper.

“The bird knows that you’re on here but that don’t mean he needs to know where you are on my bleedin’ ship.”

“WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON?!?!?!?!” Celestia, fed up and slightly scared, roared, so loudly that the entire ship shook.

Celestia’s shout carried all of the weight of authority of someone who had ruled her people well for a very, very long time. In it was a tone that could not be taken lightly by any sane, rational person. Luckily for Strider, who was, to everyone but himself, drunk out of his mind, all the yell made him do was snort.

“No,” he simply said, calmly getting up and leaving the room while the princesses gawked. “Pissin’ horses, tryin’ ta tell me what ta do.”