Chapters "Hello friends how are you... no this dosen't feel right I mean I know your their reading but your not here. Umm... Derp... let me fill you brownies wait no is that right? bronies yes bronies, that's it well anyway the reagular author was about to do some writing but I kinda... may of... umm stopped him. okay let me go back a second I was buying my muffins from the store talknig to my friend Pinkie Pie. She was talking about how she always had a good time writting storys, I asked what she ment and she explained that she breaks the fourth wall to "help" writters write their storys, well anyway it sounded like a lot of fun and I like fun so I may of umm... stole the doctors Tardis found a authour and put him in equestria but I kinda... accidentally dropped him of a small cliff and he hasn't woken up yet so... wait hold on a second I think he is coming to".
The small stallions eyes slowly and mean slow as a snail opened up "wha..urgh my head...what hap... happened".
"oh can you hear me".
"umm... I don't what do you think?" He attempted to lift himself off the ground but was to weak, He then looked to ground a saw a small puddle of blood forming below him, his abilty to speak had also been slightly impared evidenced by the fact that he forgot to say know after he said "I".
"Ahh my head and who is narrating this". He looked towards the sky.
"WelI I am the authour so I am surpos" however I was cut short
"well your a arsehole watching me suffer and WAAAAAAH oh my head". He then place a hoof upon his head to stop the blood flow.
"Im s-sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just" I began to start crying, no really I did.
"Oh bugger off as if I give dam, anway answer my question who are you?"
"My name is Derpy umm hooves"
The previous authour then realised due his rather mean previous comments that he would most likely be shortly be recieving some rather angry messages from his fellow brownies no bronies how do I delete stuff again.
"Your asking me for advice?"
"Please".
"Fine but can you at least tell me why I am" he looked around. In the distance he saw a apple orchard that strected on for achre's."I'm in equestria!, who, how, when, what, why?"
"Umm well you see I was trying to get you to equestria and well I just don't know what went wrong".
"Couldn't you could of just gone for the standard route. I wake up in the everfree forest then I get scared then I run into Fluttershy. She then introduces me to Twilight Sparkle and I then go home?"
"Yeah but I wanted to do something different."
"Well this is certainly different." He then sighed "also why is my head bleeding?"
"Umm I kinda messed up getting you here and you fell off a cliff and well then this happened nad then well I don't what happened."
"Okay their is just one small problem here I maybe dying, you know, just a little."
"Oh I have an Idea I can have somepony find you."
"Oh yes because that won't be akward. Hello their yuo are bleeding, why yes I am, I will help you, why thank you kind pony, what is your name, my is name is...see the problem here?"
"Okay I'll give you a name you can be called... Muffin."
"Because that wasn't predictable." I would of kept on talking to him but my completely amazingly genius plotdevice had seen him and was coming to help.
"Hello, are you okay? You look worse than a pig in the sun."
Muffin imediatly turned his head (something he immediatly regreted afterwards) to see an orange mare standing close to him. "Oh no I'm perfectly okay, I just fell off a cliff and cracked open my head, but besides that I has been a good day."
"well your obivously well enough to make jokes but I still think I should take ye' upto da' farm" She had a smile on her face. she felt sympathy for Muffin even though he had made a mean joke because she is a dependable pony.
"Derpy that makes no sense".
Applejack looked over to Muffin, still lying on the ground, worrying about his sanity slightly " Looky like you wanged' your head harder than you thought, Do you think you can walk?"
Muffin tried to stand up, well tried to figure out how to figure out how to try to walk but failed. He looked Applejack in the eye "No i'm pretty much bonned'."
"Well i'm not gonna leave you out here, i'll just have to carry you then" she walked over to muffin, who did't enjoy being marehandled' "come on I sure the rest of your family would love to meet you." Muffin probably would have tried to object but passed out from exhaustion.
" wait no I don't think I spelt that write, no I don't want this in my story. Argh stupid machine stop writting what I say."
Muffin awoke in a bed. He had a bandage over his head and a icepack and was laying comfortably. He examined the room that he was in. It was pretty simple but pratical, there was little in the way of creature comforts, the walls where faded orange but didn't need painting. Muffin then heard the sound of hoofsteps approaching. Applejack quitely opened the door and trooted in followed her friend Fluttershy. "oh hello it's nice to see your finally awake you have been out cold for a day now, we mended you up as best as we could but I wasn't as sure as i'd' like to be so I brought my friend with me to see if your okay. This Fluttershy" she pointed her hoof towards the yellow mare "and Fluttershy this is..." Applejack then blushed "I'm sorry but you never told me your name." Applejack then pointed her hoof towards Muffin
"Derpy I'm not gonna say my name is Muffin" Muffin said under his breath so that Applejack and Fluttershy couldn't hear him".
"Why not?"
"Because it just sounds... well" He then stopped talking when he realised it wouldn't be a good idea to insult Muffins in my presence.
"Please, do it for me."
"Fine but I swear to god"
"Celestia"
"Derpy you have already trapped me in your story, If I want to say god instead of celestia or luna I will"
"But won't that possibly offend some of your readers?"
"Okay, if you are reading this and you believe and you believe in a deity then you are really stupid and obviously have no common sense".
"Muffin stop insult my readers, isn't the brownies ,OH BUCKIN SERIOUSLY, now i'm swearing thanks Muffin".
"Your welcome" he said with a stupid smirk on his face.
"Anyway as I was saying the brown-bronies moto is love and tollerate".
"Yeah but their are to reasons why it's invalid. One, the message is love and tollerate not love and accept and ,Two, I don't give a fuck, so yeah".
Applejack and Fluttershy wear now intently watching Muffin, worried that he had sustained kind of brain damage".
"Hey thats not fair." He made no attempt to restrain his voice however it wasn't his grumpy human voice that came out of his mouth but a new pony voice, it was sweet and soft to but still retained masculinity.
"Whats not fair sugarcube?"
"Derpy stop cheating, your making me sound mad"
"oh you know Derpy maybe i'll just go and ask her for your name".
"My name is Muffin". Muffin then sulkly slammed his head into his pillow. "Happy now?"
"Extremely" I then decided to continue the plot.
"Whoa, calm down there is no ned to get angry now". Applejack said in a firm voice.
"Applejack wasn't the type of pony who liked ungratfull pony actually I think that their isn't a kind of pony that likes ungratfull ponys but who knows".
"Hey this my story Muffin you don't get to decide the plot". I wasn't very happy.
"It's like this if you can understand, Me and Derpy are connected through the fourth wall,I can hear every thing she says and vice versa".
There was suddenly a pink poof nest to Muffins bed "Someponys breaking the fourth wall, can I join in?"
Applejack and fluttershy both backed up. " Pinkie Pie? what are you doing here"
Pinkie Pie looked over to her friends. " I'm always their when the fourth wall is broken, it's kinda' my thing".
Muffin was fed up with this story and rolled out of the bed."OW that was not my best idea". He rubbed his head.
Fluttershy then flew over to Muffin and attempted to pick him up"No you need to stay in bed and get your rest... I mean I thats okay with you". she then wimpered
"Fluttershy's right Muffin you need your rest" Applejack had no idea of what situation was unfolding before her but was trying to get a postion of power over Muffin.
"No" Muffin wriggled out of Fluttershy's grip and landed on the floor, hard. He lifted his mouth out of the carpet "fool me twice". He then tried to stand but again failed.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to drop you Muffin, oh please forgive me" Fluttershy said hovering in air above Muffin, she was almost about to burst into tears.
Applejack walked over to Fluttershy."It's not your flaut somepony is just a little grumpy thats all".
"A liitle grumpy? He's super duper mega big as a house grumpy". Pinkie was spearding her forehoofs wide to show how grumpy he was but fell on the floor instead.
"Pinkie Pie try to understand, he fell of a cliff, broke his skull and is hearing voices in his head". She then looked to Muffin "And somepony is going to behave themeself".
Muffin looked away from Applejack "Fine". The word rolled off his tongue quickly, he didn't want to taste the bitter taste of defeat.
Pinkie Pie then jumped over the bed, landed right next to Muffin and brought her face close to Muffin's "Do you Pinkie Promise?"
"What?"
"Do you Pinkie promise?"
"Yes, I pinkie promise". Pinkie then moved away from Muffin, who then imediatly got up on his hooves and jumped out the window and started running away.
"Did he just?" Her mane looked as if it was about to set on fire.
"HE WOULD DARE BREAK A PINKIE PROMISE IN FRONT OF ME AFTER HE MADE IT, MUFFIN I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL". Pinkie Pie then ran out of the room to give chase.
"Applejack, should we help Muffin, I don't tihbk he realised what he just done".
Applejack looked at Fluttershy, Needless to say he would end up in bad condition if Pinkie got to him first. Muffin was ruunning as fast as he could which unfortunatly for him wasn't that fast. Pinkie was quickly gaining on him whilst shouting various curse words in his name. Just before she was able to ponuce upon him he took the air." MUFFIN YOU BUCKING' ASSHOLE GET DOWN HERE NOW AND ACCEPT YOUR FATE". Pinkie shouted at him in a demonic voice almost screaming her own lungs out.
"I-I-I... how am I flying?"
"well while you where sleeping I couldn't decide what kind of pony to make you, whether you wanted to be a unicorn or earth pony or a pegausus so I made you an alicorn instead".
"An alicorn do you have any idea what that means?"
"do you?"
"Well... no but I don't think it could be anything good."
"Why not?"
"Lets just say I got a feeling".
"A feeling".
"Your point is?"
"Nothing I just wanted to make sure I was hearing you right because if I hadn't made you a flying pony I am pretty sure that you wouldn't what Pinkie Pie would be doing to right know".
"AND WHY WOULDN'T HE ENJOY WHAT I WOULD BE DOING TO HIM RIGHT NOW DREPY?"
"Oh yeah I forgot you could break the fourth wall to".
"Derpy, how could you forget that Pinkie can break the fourth wall?"
"I dunno'".
Pinkie Pie was now jumping into the air trying to reach Muffin, but was having no success.
"OH, YOU WANT TO PLAY IT THAT WAY DERPY, WELL TWO CAN PLAY AT THAT GAME".
Derpy then fell out of a portal onto the ground in front of Pinkie Pie. "Oh hi Pinkie Pie how's it going?"
"DERPY GET MUFFIN DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR..."
"Umm girls, if Derpy isn't writting the story then who is?" Pinkie then looked to where I was but I wasn't their because I'm here.
"DERPY HOW DARE YOU".
"well this is the worst story ever". His wing then stopped beating and he then fell into an apple tree and got caught up in the branches.
"Oh yeah well what about all the shipping and gore story, actually I take that back Sorry Bronies".
Muffin breathed in deeply "Well for a start, it's badly written, the grammar is deplaudable, the jokes aren't funny, I have a concusion and I'm about to be killed by Pinkie Pie". With that remark Pinkie Pie pulled him down from the tree and slammed him hard into the ground.
"NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE". She rased her hoof high into the air.
"Well i'm not a pony i'm a human".
"I DON'T GIVE A BUCK". She then connected her hoof to his face and nocked him out and well everything went downhill from there, the guards had to be called and Muffins now In hospital but I will apoligise to him later. I hope you enjoyed reading the story and if you didn't well... NO MUFFINS FOR YOU
P.s." I was looking through Muffin's house because I sure he wouldn't mind if I had something to eat and I found somethings called english muffins, now I don't what an english is but calling it a muffin, What the Buck!
The Overeaction of the Unknowing.
"This chapter we will start things going for Muffin and start getting rid of Mr Grumpy pants and the fourth wall now ceases to exist. I will fix that later. Enjoy reading everpony. Derpy out."
The light decended upon Muffin.
He could now see that it came from under some sort of frame. He looked upwards, above the frame their where blades spinning tenaciously. The realisation of his own stupidty hit Muffin like a sledge hammer to the bollocks. "A helicopter? I was running from a god-dam helicopter!" He yelled his voice partially masked by noise from the helicopter.
"Nope this is a whirly bird, I made it myself". A Pink mare stepped confindently out from the helicopter or whirly bird or whatever it was, I don't really care but you do so...The story.
"Bu...bu...but how? How could you...I mean...what?...Seriously". He then breathed on deeply, and attempted to remain as calm as possible. "Pinkie Pie how, no why did you chase me down in that helicopter, know that I think about it where did you get a helicopter in the first place?" He was short of a panic attack due to the rate of his breathing being ridclulously high as he was pannicing.( I thought I should explain this as I got what something I believe is similur to what Muffin calls the 'the feeling' but on with the story, again.)
she looked at him as if he was mentally retarded. "Muffin I built this whirly bird myself, but thats not what is right important right now. I need you to come with me to Sugar cube corner but I can't tell you why." She smiled ear to ear showing off her impossibly white teeth.
"Oh yeah and why can't you tell me because in case you haven't noticed I not the most trusting pony".
Pinkie Pie started laughing hard. "Well I can't tell because it would ruin the..." She put her hoof into her mouth, then removed it and tried to spit the dirt out that she had placed in her mouth as she didn't like the taste and for other reasons.
Muffin glared at spitting pony. "I'm gonna take a wild guess here, but I think you can't tell me because it's a surprise."
"Um...I don't know what your talking about, wha..." She mostly likely would of rambled on for a while but was cut short by the ever impatient Muffin.
"Pinkie you are a horrible liar".
She looked to the ground, defeated by the knowledge of how easly Muffin had saw through her. She looked back to him to make eye contact. "Yeah but you still don't know what the surpise is" she swung her body round. "Let's make this fun, I'll give you one guess, you'll never get it though". She could feel the heat of his glare burning into back of her head.
"Oh I don't know, I guess i'm just to stupid to figure it out". The scarcasm in his voice ran thicker than ever.
"Go on Muffin, Take a guess". She swung her body around again and walked close to Muffin.
Muffin rolled his eyes. "If I must. Is it a half panda half dragon half flipflop monster attacking Ponyvile whilst firing chickens and caramel from it's large mouth.
Pinkie gasped "There is that's... that's amazing but also really bad". She looked at Muffin and then she thought about what just transpired. She blushed "That guess was umm... wrong". She looked to her watch. "Oh, dear it's seeeeeems' we ma have taken a tad' long and now where running late". She guestered Muffin to get in the helicopter. He just looked at her slilently for a moment and then turned his head. "Muffin come on, we are really late". He remained slient and still as a statue. He then turned his head, his face devoid of emmotion and then he spoke.
"There is no we". The depth of his voice was simply unreal.
"Of there is a we, it's me and you, ya' know one and two is we." Pinkie Jumped in front of Muffin. "Come on what do you say". She gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder.
"Pickleberry". He then laughed a little and Pinkie laughed to, he then reverted to a serious face. "There is just one small problem though...with the helicopter...I may be a little".
"You maybe what?"
"A little scared of hights". He looked over to the helicopter.
Yes I know anouther short chapter but I just love the snappy one liner's that appear to often in this story...
Wow, Derpy are you sure you are up for the challenge.
Pinkie? But how?
I dunno.
Me neither
Derpy how confussed do you think the reader's are now?
Very...very...confussed
Should I scare them?
What, How?
Hello everypony reading, I will name a few of you...anhero,BlueBlazes ,BoredHero ,Draklox ,Jozhua253 ,Meta Knight ,Mobius of the Moon ,Monster_Under_The_Bed ,Noakwolf, Pyros, Burritoburger (I will get you), Brony4ever...to name a few and remember pinkie is watching you...always. You ponies have very wierd names.
Pinkie Pie?
Yes Derpy.
Please stop breaking the fourth wall I would like to publish this part of the story .
Okay i'll break the fith wall instead.
Oh no no no, I changed my mind.
Oh okie dokie lokie.
We should probably maybe say bye now.
Yes we should espically to that guy without pants on...
BYE EVEYPONY
BYE BYE SLEEP TIGHT unless its daytime then stay awake unless your tired then go to sleep, in fact don't sleep tight I am pretty sure that it would'nt be very comfortable at all and then you wouldn't be able to sleep and you would be sad.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13.
"What do you mean you're afraid of heights."
Muffin just looked at pinkie. "Ok, I'll break it down for you. I'm afraid. That means that I am scarred. Heights, when you got up high your at a height, now if we put it together it makes: I'm afraid of heights. Can you little pony mind comprehend that pinkie?" She said nothing but just pointed for Muffin to get in to the helicopter. He sighed and reluctantly got in, Pinkie followed.
"Okey dokey lokey, lets do this thang." She did various actions in side the cockpit and eventually the blades of the helicopter begun to spin, accelerating.
"Um...Pinkie how good are at this?" Muffin said slight nerves bringing his voice to a higher pitch than what was normal for him.
Pinkie continued to operate the helicopter. "Oh I'm amazing, I can fly upside down on fire in this." She grinned as the helicopter lifted slightly off the ground, whilst Muffin quietly mumbled something to himself and considered what had happened in his life that could of lead up to this. The helicopter lifted higher off the ground the noise it generated scarring off all the animals with in their vicinity. *"TO PONYVILE" Pinkie tipped the helicopter fowards in the general direction whilst muffin started panicking slightly. Now because I want to keep this story clean I am just going to cut out what happened in the helicopter and skip to the part where they land.
The helicopter gently touched down on the helipad (I think it's called it just was a big H on it so I don't really know, personally I think it should be called a happy pad but what ever I don't mind and I've gotten really off topic... wow this sentence is long and...back to the story!) Pinkie turned off the power and hopped out the door, she started to walk away from the helicopter but stopped at the sound of knocking. Pinkie pie spun round to see Muffin banging on the glass of the helicopter. "Whoops I must of locked you in."
"No the tooth fairy did."
Pinkie walked up to the cockpit and begun to unlock it. "Silly muffin the tooth pony couldn't do this." There was a metallic click and the door swung open, from which a very rough looking Muffin hopped out from."
"Pinkie don't ever do what you did again." He spoke sternly as he trotted away from the helicopter. Pinkie trotted beside him.
"Why not it was fun." She snorted loudly much to Muffins annoyance.
He sighed. "Where are we going again?"
She looked at him mockingly but by accident. "We're going to the best place ever!"
"Comic con?"
She laughed again. "No silly, sugar cube corner hence the best place ever!" Pinkie excitedly skipped round muffin.
He grumbled. "Look there is only two reasons why you would take me there, and one of them ends up with me dead* He frowned, stopped walking and sat down.
Pinkie stood in front of him blinking uncontrollably at his statement "How...what...why...who...chicken...I don't even know. Anyway you won't end up dead." She smiled warmly at him.
"I doubt that." She looked at the ground.
Pinkie unable to deal with ponies around being sad quickly came up with a plan. She quickly changed his coat to a light pink and made him fluffy. "There now you can be happy!" She smiled in awe of her work.
"NO! Ponies will think we're related! Muffin ran round in circles panicing.
Pinkie attempted to talk with him but he just kept running in circles. "Muffin stop doing this please" Her attemptes her in vain, she had enough. She grabbed Muffin, he him above her head and started walking.
"Pinkie what are you doing!" He kicked his legs pointlessly in the air. "Why would you do this?"
She sighed heavily "I was trying to have fun, I give you this lovely new coat and you just cry and moan, like a big foal. And what do you mean Ponies will say we are related!? Your coat is clearly a darker shade of pink than mine, and your mane is a completly different style." Pinkie could make out the outline of Sugar cube corner now, however she decided not to tell Muffin.
"Well do you have any idea how itchy this is? And these stupid wings and this horn! How do ponies cope?"
"We're born with them..." Pinkie sighed loudly "Derpy could you help Muffin, pretty please with a cherry on top, but like a really nice cherry and please has lots of frosted sugar on it aswell."
I sighed very loudly " Ok but Muffin is going to pay for this"
There was a gentle humming noise, then muffins wings, horn and the fluffyness of his coat were gone. "Pinkie can you put me down now?" He waved his hoof in the air.
"Uh... no, nope, nopey'. She continued walking confidently, she was actually quite surprised at how well she was walking on two legs.
"Pinkie I must say, your balance is superb" Muffin felt Pinkie stop dead in her tracks"
"That was a... compliment..." She continued to stand there in disbelife. It took ten minutes regain her compossure.
((This chapter is not yet finished, I just needed to post something.))
"Okay now I know that the last part of the story didn't go so well for Muffin but I sure that this part will better or not. However the story must go on".
Muffin opened his eye's slower than in chapter one, He looked around, his semi-aware mind unable to process where he was, the room just seemed to be a blur of colours."What the fudge". He lay in a bed allowing his mind to wander, to process, to realise what was going on. A few more minutes passed before he realised where he was. He was in a hospital.He heard hoofsteps approaching his room, he saw shadows under the frame of the door.The opened his a noisy creak.Three mares and a stallion wearing and white coat walked through."Well if it isn't de-ja-poo".
The mares looked over to him whilst the stallion was looking iver some paperwork. "De-ja-poo?"
Muffin turned to face the mare, "it means: this crap has happened before".
"Oh Muffin, Derpy said you have got to stop swearing in her story". Pinkie Pie looked directly into Muffins eyes. She had the same playful look in her eyes that she normally had, she seemed unphased or atleast un-ware of the fact that she had put Muffin hospital.
"Tell her i'm real fucking sorry". He then rolled over in his bed turning away from the Pink mare.
Fluttershy flew over his bed and faced him. "The Doctor said that you should be able to leave today isn't that great". She looked in his eyes and saw distain starring back at her. "Oh is something wrong? was it something I said? I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you".
"Fluttershy your are hillarous". She looked at him in utter confusioned. "I have meet computer programs that are more asertive than you, not only that but your so shy that you have become coquetish, it's hilarious". He lauged faintly due to the great strain on his body.
Applejack walked over to Muffin. "Still as cocky as evah' ah' see". She smiled at him with soft eyes.
Muffin them looked over to Pinkie Pie, he raised his eyebrow "I hope you had a good time while I was out"?
She shifted her gaze to window. "Apart from the time I had to spend in a cell, missing out on parties but apart from that it has been ok. I also have been waiting for you wake so that we can exchange appologies".
He looked at her for a moment, he then sighed. "Okay then get ready for my appology, in fact i'll give you a countdown, you ready". Pinkie Pie nodded. "Okay five,four,three,two,one,zero,minus one: I am sorry because when you kicked the crap out of me you got put in the fucking slammer. Happy now?". A smile grew on Muffins face whilst the smile on Pinkies faded. She Probably would of spoke but Applejack before she could.
"Well that is certainly a unique way of saying sorry".
They where then all interupted by The other stallion in the room, he was levatating a chart in front of him. From behind his glasses, his eyes darted back and forth between Muffin and his chart. "Mr Muffin I am glad to tell you that we are going to be discharging from the hospital today, you will still need to take this pain medication though. You need to take one a day at roughly midday for a week."
Muffin looked towards the sky "Derpy, you don't know much a hospitals and medicine do you?"
"Hey I thought you weren't going to talk to me?"
"I never said that you just expected it, plus also I hear evrything you say so it's a bit hard to ignore you".
"Hey, you shouldn't ignore Derpy that's just mean". She leaned over Muffin to create dominace.
"Fne but this is just going to confuse the readers some more".
"Well in my experience the readers love fourth wall humour". A giant smile grew upon Pinkie's face.
"This comedy what is wrong this world?"
Fluttershy wispered over to Applejack. "What are they talking about?"
Applejack responed in a quite voice. "Well Pinkie's being Pikie Pie and Muffin's is doing the same thing".
"Muffin is Pinkie Pie?"
Apple jack laughed at fluttershy's misinterpratation. "No Fluttershy I meant he is acting Random".
"Oh" she laughed a little, she looked to Muffin who was staring at her intently.
The doctor choughed loudly to get everyponys attention. "Mr Doctor pony you should get a check up you sound like you have a cold". The doctor looked at pink mare trying to judge whether she was serious or if she was making a joke.
"Ignore her, she is not the most social aware mare". Hey I made I ryhme, how great is that, oh yeah the story.
"Hey, what do you mean Muffin, annoy me some more and in will be huffin' ".
"Derpy, stop making ryhme's, the readers haven't got the time, OH FUCKING SERIOUSLY DERPY".
"What?"
"If this story sucks it's not my fault it's your fault".
The doctor then coughed again loudly. "Mr Muffin (Read that out loud), you need to take this medicine before you can get going".
The reached into his pocket. The doctor handed Muffin a rather large pill "Well i'm already fucked". He grabbed the pill and swallowed it. He then got out of bead and fell onto the floor again, again. "Third times the charm", he then got up off the floor and left the room.
After leaving the hospital Muffin quickly began walking aimlessly away in attempt to get away from the three mare that would attempt to talk to him. He failed.
"No Derpy no more".
"No more what?"
"No more of this, this pointless desecration of me for comedy, just have a ursa-major come and kill me or something".
"Muffin you are no fun, most bronies would love to be in your postion".
"What? Most bronies would like to be recently dis-charged from hospital because I was attacked, I that what they want. You know what if thats ture I will honest to god chop my bollocks, eat them and once I shit them out eat them again because I will in Celestia's name I will".
"Calm down Muffin, your exageratting".
"Hold on a second Derpy I need to find something".
"What could you possibly need to find apart from some manners".
"Well I was looking for a fuck to give, I couldn't find one".
"Hey Muffin you've got company"
Muffin looked behind him to see a group of five mare approaching him. He began walking away only causing the group advancong on him to speed up. "well this will be interesting". He saw a specturm of colours wash over his head and then Rainbowdash landed in the ground in front of him.
"Here are you going in a such hurry my friends are trying to catch up to you". She pointed her hoof towards the group of four mares still coming towards Muffin.
"Well, Rainbowdash I was going to jump off a cliff again to see if I could improve upon my last attempt". He let a dark sarcastic smile grow on his face.
"Oh yeah I totally love free falling it's amazing" She looked at him blankly for a moment rembering what he just said. "How do you know my name?"
Muffins eyes scanned the area around him looking for some means of escape, he found none.
"Derpy can't you just leave me be and into someone else's story and do a radom cameo".
"Nah, this is much more fun". I smiled (I just thought i'd let you know).
"Well, what about your job?"
"Oh derp, I completely forgot and if I lose my job then I won't be able to surport Dinky and then I... wait that won't happen this is my story, duh".
"Can you atleast come down here so I can talk to you face to face"
"Fine"
"Derpy hello, hello where are you?"
"I'm right behind you silly". Muffin turned around to see me standing right next to my good friend Rainbowdash.
"Wait if your here who writing the story?"
Rainbowdash by this point was extremly confussed. The group of mares had now caught up to Muffin, the group of Fluttershy, Applejack and Pikie Pie had somewhere picked up Twilight Sparkel. "Hello Muffin, my name is Twilight Sparkel, my friends have meso much about you".
Muffin looked at her blankly "Oh boy".
Applejack looked a bit concerned for Muffin. "Muffin, you okay? you like like your about to blow chunks".
Muffin looked over his shoulder to Applejack, he was now getting fed up of having to spin to talk to everypony. "Applejack i'm prefectly fin-OH FUCK MY HEAD". He colapsed onto the ground cradeling his head in his hooves whilst he yelled.
"OMC are you okay Muffin?" I admit this was a bit of a pointless question but still knowing Muffin I had to be sure.
Muffin picked himself up off the ground. "Yes i'm prefectly fine, all that was just a short migrain attack, OF COURSE I FREAKING OKAY".
"What's a migrain attack, I never read about it in a book".
"I don't freaking even know".
"DERPY, DERPY". The whole group turned to Doctor Whooves running over the hill. Muffin quickly began running whilst we were distracted. By the time the Doctor Whooves had reached us he was desperatly out of the breath. "Der..py...I be...been lo-looking...for you everywhere".
"Oh, why?"
"Somepony stole the Tardis we need to get it back".
I blushed and itched the back of my head. "Well this is a little akward then".
He raised his eyyebrow in surpision and assumed an authorative tone. "Why?"
I dug my hoof into the ground, a nervous habit I have "Well you see, it was me who stole the Tardis". I gave him the most innocent smile I could. He just simply face-hoofed'. "Doctor I got to go now by".
"Wait Derpy" however I was already gone.
Rainbowdash looked extremely blank. "what just happened?"
"Whibley wobley timey whimey, though i'm pretty sure that, that stallion you where with may have some answers, now where did he go?"
Muffin was already far away from the rest of our cast and was now lost in the centre of Ponyvile. He looked around wondering how he ended up their.
"Derpy, I ended here because you wanted me to or did you forget your the authour and I can go home now?"
"Nope!"
"Please".
"Wow, Muffin nyour manners are getting better already".
"Oh boy, now I can go and get a job and start a family and die a happy man".
"No you can't your a pony".
"Derpy, maybe I was, prehaps, oh I dunno, being sarcastic".
"Where you?"
"Yes, derpy I was".
"Oh".
"You know Derpy this story is turning into a script".
"Oh".
"I mean there is no stucture anymore, the constant joke is that i'm in uncomfortable situations and there is no real plot". I decided to stop him their.
"Oh there is Plot".
"There is!", his voice was quite concerned.
"Whats the Problem, Muffin?"
"I got a feeling".
"Is it the same feeling as before?"
"What, NO! don't even go their".
"Oh, you crack me up Muffin also stop shouting in public". Muffin looked around him. Ponies starred at him all giving him a 'are you crazy' look. In the distance he could hear voices shouting his name, his mind was quickly able to determine that it was the same group that he had found himself after he had left the hospital.
"Oh great". He sighed then quickly ran off in a direction opposite to the voices he had heard whilst cursing his existence under his breath. He was lucky not to reach a dead end as he aimless ran through back streets eventually he found a road leading out of town. He slowed to a standard walking pace before he stopped completely by tree on a hill. He took a few moments to find a comfortable sitting postion. "What a day". He sighed and then looked towards the sky, it was a shade of majestic purple. There was an amibient glow comming from the setting sun. "Derpy, may I asked a favour?"
"Well since you asked so nicely".
"Can I have some sunglasses?"
"Uh...I guess so".
There was a flash of purple and a pair of trendy sunglasses fell onto Muffin's lap. "Derpy, ever wondered why People and Ponies say "Pair of sunglasses" instead of just sunglasses".
"I can't say I have Muffin".
"Oh, fair enough it's quite a abstract thought I guess". His normal charastmatic attitude had completely disapated.
"Muffin, is something wrong?"
"No, I just want to be left alone with for a while, you should probably focus on the other charaters for the next chapter or atleast the rest of this one". He shut his eyes and drifted into his own thoughts allowing himself to drift into a state of raw existance".
"Okay, Uffin I guess I see ya". Muffin said nothing, he simply just put on his new sunglasses and gave a short wave.
Okay guys, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter because it is going to start changing a little. I guess I can only hope that you will continue reading my story because when you read this story it makes me happy.
DERP.
Doctor whooves to the setting sun, they where running out time to find Muffin however my good Doctor is nopony's fool. "I think we should split up we'll cover more ground that way".
"I agree with the Doctor, plus if we don't hurry Muffin is gonna mish the party I planned for him". Pinkie almost seemed to glow with inspiration.
"Umm... okay then well split up gang Fluttershy and Twilight you go togther, Applejack and Rainbowdash ask aroundamd that leaves".
"Me and The Doctor, we can check the skies".
"Pinkie Pie how can you check from the skies neither you or the doctor arer pegsi"?
"Silly Twilight I have a plan".
Umm... have a link.Derpy mail: Basket ball on the moon!
Well then I can't help you.
This chapter is inspired by the cake.
Muffin looked at himself "Why am I so fluffy?" He sighed and stood up, the night had had fully risen now. It was cold out the soft glow of the moon offered no warmth to anypony. Muffin's ears perked up. he could where an usual sound, it was metalic and constant, he knew that he knew what is was but was current unable to define it. The sound drew closer, it's rythmic melody whispered through the wind. "What is that, Derpy what the fudge is going on?"
"Well you certainly took your time to ask me didn't you, Muffin".
A concerned look grew upon muffin's face his body laungauge emmulated his paranoid feelings prefectly. "Derpy, what is going on? this isn't funny".
"Muffin I can't tell you. You will just have to wait".
"Derpy this isn't funny".
"Well, look at the badass Muffin now scared like a little foal from the dark".
"I don't apperciate your poetic crap derpy". The sound was close now, it was menacing to the already scarred Muffin. There was a light, a strong powerful light focussed solely upon Muffin. This was enough exicitment for Muffin who started running, not looking back. No matter how fast he wanted to go he couldn't out run the sound, the light. "Why couldn't I have rocket boots, why couldn't I have rocket boots, why couldn't I have rocket boots, why couldn't I have rocket boots, why couldn't I have rocket boots". He kept saying it under his breath. Then in Muffin opinion the worst possible thing happened, he couldn't run anymore. The road that he had followed end in a dead end due a massive cliff face tearing through the land. The Light was above Muffin now, it slowly decended.
I know short chapter, I wwas going to add more but that will be the next chapter this on has a good sense of tension.
