Due Process Part 2

“There you go. Now, keep him away from those petrified logs and he’ll be fine.”

“Oh, thank you so much! I was worried when Mr. Beaverton Beaverteeth came complaining about his teeth and none of my usual tricks worked. Thank you so much!”

“It’s fine, Fluttershy. Just make sure to keep him away from those rock trees. And why in the Princesses’ names are there rock trees here anyway?”

“They were an experiment from Twilight. Anyway, we should be going now. Thanks again!”

“No problem. Good to have actual patients.”

Colgate waved as the yellow Pegasus left with a beaver in tow. She had been in Ponyville for two weeks and her dentist equipment had arrived, but that pony who infuriated her to no end, even more than the Doctor’s insistence that she come along on his adventure, had her at a loss. Red Tape had delayed the process of her dental practice’s application for a permanent office so much that she had taken to wandering around with her supplies, fixing up those she encountered. This was a noble cause to her, although it was still annoying for a few reasons. One, there was no pay involved, but she could live with that. Two, most ponies still doubted her due to her not having any dental namesake or mark, like the acclaimed Dr. Toothbrush, who was raised since foalhood towards being a practitioner of the dental arts. Even if she could live with that, it still annoyed her.

The biggest issue she couldn’t swallow completely was the absolute lack of dental problems. It was baffling – she experienced firsthoof how much this town consumed in terms of sweets and similar tooth – damage causing foods. And she observed no particular adherence to some sort of oral hygienic practice either, so how in Tartarus the ponies avoided problems with their chompers made no sense in the slightest. In retrospect, however, she thought that they could simply be hiding it out of their distrust of her abilities. She was, of course, most thankful to Fluttershy who had become her main source of activity with all her critters having problems every now and then, although she still resented the others for not approaching her for theirs.

Sighing, she made her way back to Ponyville. It seemed that most of her time was split in three parts, one she spent at home, another at the Town Hall, and the third at Fluttershy’s. It wasn’t tiring, but her patience was draining slowly; between Red Tape’s antics, the Doctor popping out every now and then, having no close friends to spend time with, and still not being accepted fully into the community, it was a miracle she hadn’t snapped that badly yet.

Back to the Town Hall she went. It was one in the afternoon, the time Red told her to come back for her processed papers. That was, if he actually bothered processing them. For the past week or so, he would always pretend that there was another issue more important than hers that he had to handle, and smirk while dismissing her. Colgate was not having any of that today, she thought to herself as she entered Red Tape’s office. She had started to enter unannounced whenever she visited, in the hopes of catching him slacking off and hopefully off guard. So far that had not happened yet.

“Ah, Miss Colgate. How many times have I told you to knock?” asked Red Tape, still hidden beneath that oversized chair of his. He didn’t even bother revealing himself, although Colgate was sure he was stroking his rented bunny as usual in an overused parody of stereotype villains.

“Same number of times I told you you’re wasting both of our times with the ridiculous ‘due process’ of yours. Why not save both of us the trouble and give me the permit? I know it’s there in your desk, already finished up.” This particular bit of info came from the receptionist outside, who told her that every single possible case or permit a pony would need from the hall was already premade and stocked in bulk.

“Oh, pish posh. If I give you the papers now, I would still have to sit in this office! Might as well have some angry and amusing company with me. After all, what’s the point of having influence if you’re not going to use it? The papers aren’t processed yet, but I doubt I have to tell you that.” He was still hidden but the smirk on his face was obvious.

“Ughhh... Why now? Another emergency case from another nonexistent pony?” Colgate’s left eye was twitching already from the pent up anger she held for this pony who was keeping her from her dreams, or at least from starting on them.

“Nope. I just lost the papers,” he replied nonchalantly. He then smiled and produced a pair of earmuffs, placed them on his ears, and counted down silently to the hissing of steam behind his chair. 3... 2... 1...

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST THEM?”

All who heard the shout trembled in fear – that is, all of Ponyville, and a few creatures in the Everfree forest – and dropped to the ground. They expected a massive dragon to be flying overhead, so great was the fury of the shout. It shook off books from the desk, made the chandelier sway violently, and pushed Red Tape off his chair, leaving the bunny to scamper off like it did every day that Colgate visited. Her magic had been channeled into her shout, unconsciously due to her anger, and when she closed her jaws the room was now a scene of utter devastation.

“Oh, dear. Do you not know how much trouble it is to console that little bunny? Every time you come here, I have to fix him up for when he goes back to Fluttershy, and that isn’t easy,” said Red Tape, surprisingly calm, pushing the chair back upright and looking for the bunny again. It always managed to find a good hiding spot every time it ran off.

“I. DON’T. CARE!” Colgate reached her limits with his telling her that the papers she’d worked hard for, bearing with his pointless antics for, and tested her patience for, were all lost for whatever reason it was that he had. “I have had it up to here with your idiotic, ignorant insolence, and your pointless practices, and your foalish treatment of legal procedures. I quit trying to play your games. Tomorrow, you better get ready, because I am taking this to court!” Colgate had advanced while

speaking, and she grabbed Red Tape in her hooves around the collar, which was the only piece of clothing he wore. “You got that?” She glared him right in his face with one eye, and asked even louder, “DO YOU GET THAT?”

“I believe I got the gist of it, yes. Now let me go before you crush my collar.”

Colgate obliged and stormed off; leaving a slightly bemused and very amused Red Tape to start fixing up the mess made by her draconic shout and her minor rampage. Things were getting more and more interesting, he thought, as he picked up the fallen books.

“Hi, how can I help you –“

“Twilight, you have to help me!” Colgate knelt down and embraced Twilight’s forehooves, begging the unicorn to help her in her plight. She was trembling in anxiety as the librarian nervously looked around and told her to get up. “I’ll, but could you please get up? We’re in the middle of the road...” She blushed as the passing ponies looked at her, some snickering, and some others looking grim.

“Oh, right, forgot about that, sorry.” Colgate stood up, and she could distinctly hear Lyra in the background whisper, “I knew she had a thing for Twilight, the way she acts around her...” and a distant jab of hoof against rib. She made a mental note to talk to the mint green unicorn at some point, but right now this was more important. She walked along with Twilight back to the library.

“So what do you need my help with? And please, next time, don’t do that in public... Ponies are starting to say strange

things. You can always just wait for me here, you know,” Twilight said, slightly embarrassed at the misinterpretations of her dealings with Colgate.

“Here’s the thing. I’m applying for a land permit up the northern part of Ponyville for my dental practice, but this pony in charge of the process has absolutely NO sense of professionalism! He delays me every single day with pointless papers that have no use whatsoever – and trust me, I’ve read the fine print – just so for his amusement! And today, do you know what he did?”

“No, but you should sit down before you say it, your pacing’s starting to leave marks on the floor.”

“He told me that my papers – the only ones that actually have any value – were lost! He lost them for no reason and he expected – expects me to put up with it!” Her pacing had lowered her into the floor about an inch, making Twilight stop her in her tracks with magic and force her into a chair. “And of course, I snapped, so long story short, I have to find something in the Equestrian bylaws that says his kind of behavior isn’t allowed.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Let me get your story straight – he lost your papers and refused to replace them.”

“Yes.”

“And now you started a civil case.”

“Uh – uh.”

“And you want me to help you study Equestrian law?” Twilight’s eyes were widening and starting to sparkle. That was not a good sign. It meant research mode, which usually had some negative effects on the immediate vicinity. True, the fact that it was a law study would probably negate the possibility of magical experimentation, but Colgate had heard through word of mouth how horribly zealous Twilight could get over the smallest things.

“On second thought, maybe I should just check the books...”

“This is PERFECT! I’ve been looking for something new to study ever since I recently cleared out the archaeology books, and this would also entail some sort of hearing, which means I could get firsthoof experience... Oh thank you so much for bringing this here!”

Colgate was at a loss. She had no idea if she really wanted to risk Ponyville for her clinic. But then she thought, “What could possibly go wrong?” She shrugged. It was a long few days of research ahead of her.

“Seriously, Twilight? You’re... Okay with this?”

“I can see why you’re concerned, after all, this is the first time for both of us. But it will be okay.”

“Are... are you sure you wouldn’t want somepony else?”

“Colgate, how many times do I have to answer that question?”

“I know, I just mean... This is important, and all...”

“Colgate...” Twilight stared into Colgate’s eyes.

“Don’t blame me if something goes wrong...”

“Nothing will... It’s okay.”

Colgate gave in. Whatever oppositions she had to Twilight’s crazy idea were still there, but she wasn’t allowed to act on them by virtue of the lavender unicorn beside her on the bed. Twilight faced her, leaned in, and said, “Go on...”

Colgate looked in front. This was definitely a bad idea. But if Twilight said it wasn’t, then it wasn’t. She sighed an exasperated “Okay,” and told the three fillies in front, “You’re going to be part of my legal counsel.”

“YAY! Cutie Mark Crusaders Lawyers!” they shouted in unison.

“Twilight, you are sure about this, right? They are allowed to be my lawyers by law?” Colgate asked. She hoped it wasn’t legal, but Twilight had said it was, and it was unlikely for her to be wrong when it came to things involving fine print. Still, it wasn’t illegal to hope, or at least as far as she knew. She really needed to study her Equestrian laws more.

“I didn’t see any law concerning age restrictions of legal counsel in the Equestrian Law Primer, or in the Simplified Foal’s Guide to Equestria’s Legal System, or in the Totally Legitimate Law Handbook, or in the One Thousand Years: Equestrian Rulership History, or anywhere else...”

“I get it, I get it. So it’s allowed for me to be represented by little fillies. This is a bad idea...”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure if we teach them right –“

“What the hay is a lawyer anyway? Mah sis never told me anythin’ about lawyers!”

“I don’t know, but what if we get our marks in being one?”

“That’s going to be awesome! But only if lawyers are cool! I don’t want to be some lame worker if that’s what it is!”

“- they’re going to be very helpful.” Twilight lost her confidence in her own statement halfway through it. She gulped, and hoped that Colgate was wrong about this being a bad idea. That didn’t do much to convince her.

Colgate straightened her suit. It felt foreign, but Twilight had insisted that it was necessary to look good and professional. It would help her with the judges, she said, yet it didn’t help her spirits in the slightest. It was the biggest – and very first – legal case she had ever taken part in. One that would decide the fate of her lifelong dream, one which now lay on the shoulders of three overexcited fillies. Somehow they kept their interest in the case, despite all of her efforts to make it boring. She admired their tenacity, even if it would in all likelihood destroy her chances.

“Okay, I think we’re ready. I’ve done last minute reviews of what he might bring up, what we could use to counter, and everything else that I could do here. Do you think we’re ready?” Twilight asked. The three young fillies were to be the speakers; she was just their advisor.

“Not excessively, no.”

“Ready or not, here we come!”

“We’re gonna win this, and get our marks!”

“Yeah, guys, we have ta’ win this!”

“Let’s get this over with,” said a resigned Colgate. She opened the door with a hoof, and what lay beyond it almost made her do another one of what Ponyville now called the “Dragon’s Shouts”. Instead of the Town Hall having a jury and a judge, and her opponent on a set of tables, the hall had been rearranged that it now looked more like a gladiatorial arena. The jury, composed of the receptionist and one other pony that Colgate didn’t recognize. The judge was, of course, the Mayor, who

only agreed to participate in the legal process now. That irked Colgate.

But the main difference between what she knew as a court of law and - whatever this was - was the presence of the audience. It appeared that majority of Ponyville had turned up to watch the case unfold, no matter how minor it was. No other court hearing she had ever witnessed – not that she’d witnessed many – had an audience like this. For that matter, she remembered none of them having any audience at all.

Glancing at Twilight, she asked, “What the hay are all these ponies doing here?” This crowd would have an effect on the little fillies. “Please don’t be affected, please don’t be affect – oh, too late,” she prayed, stopping when she noticed the three starting to bounce in eager anticipation. Gulping down something that didn’t exist, she stepped forward to her assigned seat on one side of Red Tape.

“Fillies and gentlecolts! We are gathered here today to be witnesses to the resolution of the dispute regarding Miss Colgate’s application for a land and construction permit! As you all know...” The mayor’s voice slowly trailed off in Colgate’s ears. “Why does this feel more like a public duel instead of a hearing?” she muttered to herself.

“That’s because it is,” smiled Red Tape. “I applaud how prepared you are, but this court operates differently from what you know.”

“Hey, mister! I don’t care who you are, but we’re going to beat you at... at... What do you call what we’re doing now again?” asked Scootaloo, confused.

“Hay if Ah know! All Ah know is we’re going ta be fightin’ him in some way...” answered Applebloom.

“It doesn’t matter as long as we get our cutie marks from doing it,” piped in Sweetie Belle, completely derailing the conversation into an argument between the three about what kind of mark they would get, what they would be doing, and the point of getting a mark in something you didn’t even know.

“Adorable counsel you have there. Good for you they’re not going to be needed today.” Red Tape leaned back further on his chair, his face showing no care or worry about anything. No matter how insufferable he was, Colgate had to admit he was right about their being unneeded being a good thing, and she admired how he was able to not care about anything in the world. It was much better than her current approach to the case that used panic, to say the least.

“Now, as is customary with Ponyville court, the complainant begins. Miss Colgate, whenever you’re ready.”

The mayor’s voice and the sudden silence of the thundering crowd brought Colgate’s thoughts back to Equestria.  She realized in an instant that her preparation was pointless, and that she had no idea what to do now. She considered her options: guess what she was supposed to do and do it, or ask what she had to do. She decided on the latter.

“I have no idea what to do.”

The crowd whispered to itself. The mayor looked confused, until she remembered that Colgate came from elsewhere in Equestria, and this system of settling cases wasn’t practiced that much outside Ponyville. “Ponyville court cases are handled in the form of a public discussion, instead of what I’m sure you prepared for, what with the legal counsel and all. Here, all we do is let you two talk, and if you are still unable to come to a settlement, then we intervene,” elaborated the mayor.

That sounded much simpler than trying to undermine Red Tape in front of a dozen ponies, especially considering his freakish immunity to undermining. Perpetually calm, he would never lose in a court case if the tactics of his enemy rotated on trying to slip him up. Thanking Celestia and Luna of the simplicity of the system, Colgate began her petition. A speech would be a piece of cake, having been forced to learn persuasion for survival purposes in her past with the Doctor.

“For those of you who don’t know, my applications for land and construction are handled by this pony right here,” she started, pointing to Red. “I have worked all the while that I was here in Ponyville to get that process – the first step to me realizing my dreams – completed, or at least somewhere in the works. But this pony right here,” she said, pointing again, “appears to be Tartarus – bent on making sure I do not do that.” She swallowed. It was time for the main part of her speech. So far, the ponies were all listening intently and appearing to be on her side.

“Ever since I started processing my papers, he has done nothing but delay me at each and every turn possible. When I initially filed my applications, he refused to accept them until an entire week after, saying that ‘it wasn’t in his office hours’ and that ‘he had the power, so I had no right, or ability to resist’ his unfair antics. He had the power, yes, that much I acknowledge, but did he have the right to do that? I sincerely doubt it.”

There was a murmur of agreement in the audience. They seemed to be favoring Colgate already.

“Naturally, I put up with him, because it was – it is my lifelong dream in his hooves. But slowly, he has been draining my patience by wasting both of our times with pointless side – processes and pathetic excuses. He once even made me fill up one form thirty – pages long about the connection of my name to my desired profession! It was an interesting question, yes, but it had nothing to do whatsoever with my concerns at hoof, so it shouldn’t have had been part of the process.”

The audience was now at full attention. Colgate had gotten their attention. Now it was time to get them to outrage. She made a mental note to thank the Doctor, infuriating as he was, for his past adventures with her teaching her how to subtly talk ponies into favorable situations.

“Nevertheless, I put up with his nonsense. It was the way I saw most fitting to deal with the problem. I thought perhaps if I let him have his way, he would soon enough let me have mine. But only three days ago he proved me wrong. Three days ago, I went into his office for the next step in my process – one which had taken far too long to be considered proper – and prepared myself for whatever his nonsense might have had in store. Still, I was completely unprepared for what he would say next – the papers I labored so hard to accomplish, especially with his unhelpfulness, were lost! He told me that my labor was gone, that he’d lost it, and for no reason whatsoever.”

Several ponies in the crowd gasped, whilst several others whispered things like “the nerve!” and “how dare he?” One particularly loud pony exclaimed, “And to think I accepted muffins from you!”

“It is clear to all present then, that his absolute lack of professionalism is intolerable! His attitude towards me and my work is nothing short of rude and downright wrong. And he doesn’t even attempt to make amends!” Colgate knew that at that moment she had every single eye, ear, and heart. It was time for the finisher. “Ponies of Ponyville, I would like to think that you have more sense than him, and so I ask you – in the names of all things good – make him repair what damage he caused! Make him fix my application, and make him apologize! Make him stop from getting in the way of my dreams!”

There was a massive roar from the audience, followed by a very loud chorus of clapping. Colgate was sweating slightly – her clothes were warm, and that speech had roused her body to the point where she might have been taken for a fever sufferer. She sat back down contentedly, smiling; knowing that there was no way Red Tape could ruin her chances now. She looked at him, and it annoyed her to no end that he was still smirking in that way of his, but she put it out of her mind. In moments he would have no more reason to smile.

“Alright, everypony, we’ve heard Miss Colgate’s side. Now, if the defendant would like to say something?”

This was the moment. Colgate would see him squirm in his futile attempt to take the judges back to his side. Clearly the one – on – one settlement wouldn’t work, with Colgate being that annoyed by the stallion. His only option was a convincing public defense, which was also unlikely.

“I would like to resign this case,” he said, grinning.

There was a full ten seconds of silence, during which every single pony just stared at him, until they cheered for Colgate’s well - earned and well – deserved victory. Twilight could be heard behind Colgate, congratulating her, while the three fillies were downhearted at not having had a chance to try their hooves at being lawyers, and consequently, not having had a chance to earn their marks.

“But –“ started Red Tape. Every single pony fell silent.

“Before I accede to the demands of the court – that is, the immediate approval of Colgate’ permits – I would like to have a private moment to speak with her, if she’ll let me, of course.” He looked over to his left, where a somewhat downcast Colgate replied, “Fine.”

“Very well then. If everypony would vacate the hall for ten minutes so they may come to their agreement?” One by one, the audience dispersed, and it was only Colgate and Red Tape inside.

“What do you want?” snapped an irritable Colgate. “You already resigned the case. You no longer have power here.”

“Oh please, don’t think that. I may have given up, but that was only out of common sense. Even a blind foal could see that I had no chance there. That was quite the convincing speech you gave there. Ever consider taking a career as a speaker instead?”

“You’re not answering my question. What do you want? Let’s get this over with quickly, if you’d be so sensible.”

“I’d rather take my time, thank you very much, considering time was one of my main considerations with annoying you. You see, boredom is a constant companion of mine in that little office, and you simply happened to be the best companion I could have there to replace being lethargic.”

“I... I don’t follow.”

“Do you not see? I did this – all of this – to get you to stay. So I could spend time with you. And of course, that means I plan to take full advantage of our remaining eight minutes.”

Colgate went furiously red – the exact opposite of her color scheme – upon hearing that. Could that be true? Could he simply have been trying, in most misguided methods, to get her attention, to have her close? No, she wasn’t having any of it. This was a trick of his, a ruse, a clever move to get her off guard.

“Explain more clearly.”

“Goodness, I never figured you for the slow type. What could you not understand about a pony going to such lengths just to spend time with another?”

“That means... You –“

“Most definitely, yes. And of course, seeing you so flustered every single day was most amusing. And that speech of yours? What did you say again? Ah, yes, something like, ‘if I let him have his way, he’d let me have mine.’ That was a great line. Gave many ideas. I'd certainly enjoy it if you let me have my way.”

“I did not mean anything like that –“

“I know.” He was still smiling, completely ignoring the fact that Colgate was so red she was starting to glow.

“Rrgh. I give up! You will always be the most annoying pony I have ever known. It’s a good thing this whole legal process is over.”

“I wouldn’t say me being the most annoying is a bad thing. It means I’m going to be in your head forever.” He smiled even more widely – if that was possible – and said, “Just because this case is over doesn’t mean I’m going to be out of your mane. I can always get a tooth ache from overeating sweets.”

He then went back to his seat, and a very, very perturbed Colgate went back to hers, still noticeably red, much to the chagrin of the ever – curious Lyra who had just walked back in, along with several other ponies from the audience. She looked plain furious at not seeing what transpired between the two, and Colgate was sure Lyra would jump her the moment she stepped outside the hall. But for now, court was resuming, and she would see it to the nearing end.

“Have you two reached any form of agreement?”

“No, but I believe that the results are the same anyway. She gets her permits in two days, at which point she may begin setting up the place,” reported Red Tape. The crowd was happy for Colgate, but they seemed disappointed at the anticlimactic ending.

“Very well then. If that is all, then this court is now adjourned!” Three swift strikes from the mayor’s mallet landed on the wooden disc on her table, signaling the end of the tedious journey Colgate had to go through. She was most thankful that this affair was now over, but as she sat in the emptying hall, she had plenty to think of. Actually, not plenty, but this thing took up all her thoughts.

What had Red Tape meant with those words of his? He hadn’t let her finish her question, so she wasn’t entirely sure if he meant what she did, but judging from his words, he did. And Colgate had no idea how to deal with that.

In her thoughts she was so lost that she didn’t notice the hoofsteps approaching her, nor the golden eyes looking at her. Only when Lyra prodded her did she notice, and even then she was still a little out of it.

“Hi there, Colgate. Let me get right to brass tacks – what happened between you and Red Tape here earlier? I’m a hundred percent sure that it wasn’t anything about the case, the way you were blushing when I walked in. What did he tell you?” she asked, leaning in real close. “Come on, you can tell me anything! I may be nosy, but I don’t tell tales.”

“It – it’s nothing to be concerned about.”

“Oh, please, it concerns me, that’s for sure. I’ve been wanting to know the deal with you ever since you got here! First it was the Doctor. Then it was Twilight. Now, is it Red Tape?”

“Wha – What are you talking about?” Colgate knew full well what she was talking about but she had no intentions of riding on.

“Who’s your current ‘special somepony’? Is it still the Doc, or is it Twilight, or Mr. Red Tape here?”

“What we said or did in those ten minutes is a secret only for the two of us,” interjected Red Tape, heading for the door. “All I can tell you is that we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other.” Colgate went so red at this point that she appeared to be nearing a point of explosion. Red Tape brought out earmuffs as he stepped outside the door into the glorious sunshine and the bright future. He counted down from three.

He smiled as the town hall shook and the blue unicorn leapt outside, violently red, and rushed on home, with a green unicorn behind her squealing like a fangirl at the revelation. It was a good day.