30 Days In The Hole

A few hours earlier...

Brown clutched the snare drum for dear life. He slid over to the right side, and then he coughed. The cart hit another one of those big dips, and he wiggled his hooves around. His rear smacked against the cold, hard wood.

"Luna's sweet mane, already!" Brown called out. A short, stubby unicorn glanced back at him blankly from the front seat. "Can't you steer this thing? Or at least slow it down for Pete's sake!"

The stubby unicorn shivered for a second. His sickly yellow mane fluttered all across his chest and his face. He then blew it off of his eyes. "Listen, brother, ah don't need any more whinin' out of ya'll. Ah ain't ever gettin' replaced. Pez here--" The droopy grey earth pony to his left nodded. "He ain't ever gettin' replaced. Drummers on the other hand?"

They get picked up and tossed out like used napkins. "Yeah, yeah," Brown groused. He gripped the snare drum and then nudged over to the tom-toms. The cart hit yet another bump. Brown's back ran into the side of the cart. A mike stand hit him in the stomach. He gurgled.

He stuck his head out of the side of the cart. He stared at yellow magic coursing all around the wheels. I still think this was a bad idea... He flipped around, and then he sighed. The cart suddenly turned.

"Ponyville!" Pez suddenly shouted. He then tossed the pamphlet in his hooves back into the cart. It bounced against Brown's head.

"More backwoods slimeballs," the driver remarked, and he jerked around the tall pole in his hands, "With tailholes for brains..."

"Oh, please, just shut up already," Brown muttered. He shifted about, and then he thrust his head up. He looked out at the big pile of gravel up ahead. "And what were you geniuses doing to do when the road ends, anyway?"

"This road ends?" Pez asked.

*Bang*

Brown felt branch after branch smacking against his sides. He reached out, and then he grabbed something cold, metal and hard. He blinked. He heard all kinds of wood breaking off behind him. His eyes flew everywhere. He couldn't see anything except a solid wall of foliage.

He curled his head up, and he ran his eyes around the tallest trees. The occasional musical instrument littered the branches. His ears flicked around, but he couldn't hear a thing from his bandmates. "You know what?" he muttered. He then tried to pull himself up. "Odds are, they're also fine. If they're not, then good riddance to bad rubbish."

His right hoof gave way. He let out a loud whine, and then he kicked helplessly against the empty air. He looked straight up at the little metal bar. He wiggled his left hoof, and he tried to spin his arm around. He heard a bloodcurdling creaking sound, and then the metal jiggled. The bar then snapped.

*Splash*

Brown spurted out his mouth like a living fountain. He then put his hooves to his head. He coughed, and he curled his body up. "Nothing broken?" he asked. He felt all around himself for a moment. He felt nothing other than being soaking wet.

Brown got back on his hooves, and he hopped out of the big pond. He glanced over at two ducks walking through his hooves. One of them turned around, started at him, and honked angrily.

"My dearest apologies, your majesty," he replied. He then scanned the mossy grass around him. "Where?" He eyed a beat-up brown satchel, and he sped over. "Praise beautiful Luna!" He felt around at the pile of bits, papers, and other items inside. He sighed, and then he looked out at the dirt path ahead of him.

He stepped out. Well, if only I still had... His eyes almost popped out of their sockets. NO WAY! He ran over, and he gawked at the pristine cardboard case mounted at the top of a chicken coop. His horn glowed, and then the case hovered down onto his back. He grinned.

"Ponyville," he muttered, and then he walked out past a little cornfield. The small dirt road finally connected to something paved. He smiled even wider. In just a moment, he found himself inside a cozy looking town square. I'm sure that I'll have problems finding a place to stay tonight. Maybe I'll just sight-see right now.

His eyes ran all across the neat shops with their carefully trimmed bushes and fine white furnishes over to the pretty gardens decorating every other block. A handful of ponies darted about in all directions. They all paid him as much attention as they would a gnat, but he couldn't have cared less. He stopped along a tall, bright red cottage. He took a deep breath, and the scent of sweet baked treats flooded his sense.

He shook his head for a second. Nah, that's not really the kind of refreshment I need. He surveyed the crowd. He then gazed out into the distance. Some ponies happened to be a big argument, although he could barely hear a thing. He suddenly focused on something small and yellow. He pulled his sight back.

The cute whitish yellow tail fluttered about in the air atop a huge barrels. The tail almost seemed to be wagging at him-- inviting him to come closer. He followed the sparkles upon the tail in the bright sun up to the curvy, supple flank where it began. He gazed at the three big red apples marked on the side. He then ran up the muscular orange body over to a big, light-brown hat. He then blinked.

Brown had found himself walking closer just by instinct. He wiggled his head around for a moment, and then he trotted over besides the pile of barrels. He poked his head out a little empty spot in the middle. He saw the orange earth pony pacing the ground in front of some white unicorn. He couldn't quite see the latter pony.

"I knew that you just didn't want to do it," the orange pony said. She stopped, and then she let out a small sigh. "So, why for Pete's sake didn't you just say so in the first place?" The unicorn demurred. "If ya'll have somethin' to say, then why not say it? I just don't understand."

"Applejack, please, I don't think you're thinking any of this through," the unicorn replied. Her sing-song voice just felt like a tender rub along Brown's ears. He pressed his face deeper into the hole. He gazed at the unicorn smooth, pretty white face as she went on. "An eating contest? Me? For goodness's sake, I'm sorry to hurt your feelings like this, and I know that I said I'd do it. Yet I..." She couldn't complete the thought. Just the mere idea of shoving pile after pile of carnival foods down her throat made her nauseous.

"Shucks," Applejack said, "My feelings ain't hurt. I just wanted honesty, that's all. It doesn't bug me. I just needed to know so that I could find another contestant." She then turned to the side. "So, then we--" She paused mid-word. She wiggled around. "We would--" She then leaned down. Brown found himself starting at Applejack face to face-- inches from each other on the other sides of the hole.

Applejack blinked. He blinked. She sniffed. He then sniffed.

"Can I help you?" she finally asked.

He smiled, and then he pulled his head out of the hole. He hopped around to the other side, and then he glanced at both mares. "Let me introduce myself first," he said, "The name is Newcastle Brown. Everypony calls me Brown, of course." He rubbed the edges of his mane with his hooves.

"I'm Rarity, pleased to meet you," the unicorn said. She stepped over, and she began to reach out of hoof. He glanced down at the light muddy film coating him, and then he coughed. He spared her by shaking the air between their hooves. She smiled.

"Applejack, and likewise," the earth pony declared. She shook hooves with full force. He almost thought that she would rip his hoof off.

*Ding ding*

Rarity glanced over at the building behind her. Brown took in the opulent decorations and caring touchings put on every window and every door. Has to be her... boutique. "Oh, Mister Brown, I'm terribly sorry. I know that we've just met and we have so much to talk about, but I need to help Mister Raspberry right now," she said, and she leaned over to the door. Brown nodded. "Please excuse me." She then looked over at Applejack. "I'll love to see who ends up winning."

Applejack and Brown watched Rarity speed off to her customer. They then looked back at each other. "Eating contest," Brown said, and he slid his head to the side, "That sounds fantastic." Applejack bounced up a little bit and smiled.

"Thank you very much, then. Nice to finally meet our last contestant," she said, and she stepped closer to him. He then tensed up. Her happy face melted, and she stepped back-- confused.

"Sounds dreadfully," he said, and he buried his head in his hooves in mock-deliberation, "Incomplete. Sure, it would be fun and all, but I think you should kick it up a notch." Applejack listened intently to every word, and then she scowled.

"Kick it up?" she repeated.

"Drinking contest," he declared, and he bucked up on his back hooves. Applejack stared back blankly for a moment. She then tapped her right hoof against her head.

"Drinking what? And you'll have slim pickin's in this neighborhood for that sort of contest, sorry," Applejack said. He ran his eyes along her face. She seemed to have one part apprehension battling it out with one part frustration and eight parts confusion. "I don't know how that could work."

"A fantastically beautiful and courageous mare such as yourself would surely love to," he said, building up each word as he magically lifted the big case behind him above Applejack's head, "Face off against my ale." He shot pure emotion into those last two words as if he was talking about his own flesh and bone. Applejack stared at him, defiance just dripping off of her. "That, against your own best stuff. So--" He leaned forward until their faces were inches away. "What have you got?"

"Ya'll ain't got a clue what you're up against," she said, and her eyes narrowed. Her face shifted into a devious smile. "I've got a few special bottles that I could dust off for such an occasion." She grinned even wider. "Honest advice, ya'll might want to keep a nurse handy."

He returned the grin. The earth pony's assertive face and quirky accent just seemed to drive him crazy. He didn't know if he wanted to kiss her or keep bragging. He chose the latter. "Oh, Applejack, I've been sucking on the sweet vine all my life," he said, "We have ourselves a contest."

The two ponies lined up their right hooves without a single conscious thought. They glanced down, and then they thrust their hooves against each other. They each leaned back and took deep breaths.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

"Well, well, well," Brown said, and he kicked against the cold, dark cell wall in front of him, "I wonder who the Wonderbolts are boning today." He nudged his head deeper into the pillow, and then he pressed the glossy papers against the top of his head. "The better question is: Who aren't they boning? Oh, well." He tossed the magazine to the ground.

Didn't Marks tell me over and over again. That's what pegasii always do. It helps to 'improve the eye' before any flight. He ran his left hoof against the cell wall. Well, I'm not getting any in here, that's for sure. He sat up on the bed. I should praise my lucky stars for that, maybe. I'd hate to have Mister Mule's thick, hairy hooves on me.

"What in Pete's sake is the Mayor doing?" he asked. He then pressed the other pillow against his face, and he tried to nap. He pictured her smooth, tan flank with her smart scroll cutie mark. He then squeezed the blanket in between his legs.

=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=

"Regina?" the Mayor asked. She wandered down the blank white corridor over to the empty office. She ran her eyes all along the piles of papers to the tossed about folders to the huge boxes crammed with knickknacks. "Regina, is everything all right?"

"She said she was going upstairs," said a meaty voice behind her. She sped around, and then she eyed the giant red stallion. She looked up at his scruffy hair and the big yoke around his neck.

"Oh, up to the alternate office," the Mayor said, and she took a few steps over to the stairs. She then paused. "Oh, she should have known that we have everything all under construction up there. Doors lead to nothing. There's tarps everywhere-- loose nails, tossed about tools, and goodness knows what else. You warned her, right?"

"Eeeeeeeeeyup," Big Mac replied.

"Good, but then... Oh, dear, she's so new. It's so horrible for me to just burn through assistants in the past few years, and I hope she's growing into the position," the Mayor commented, "I hope she didn't make a wrong turn somewhere. Where did she say she was going, exactly?"

"The fifth floor," Big Mac said. He shifted his head back.

"Oh, excellent," she replied. She began to step up the stairs. She halted once again. "Wait a moment..." A chill went down her face.

"We don't have a fifth floor!"

(To Be Continued)