Onscreen, Applejack shot a glare towards the Nerd that seemed to say, "You're gonna regret what you just said." He saw this and flipped her off. The stage started up right after that.

"Applejack's stage is... a farm? Seems a bit out of place here to me, but I don't even fuckin' care anymore. When you enter this level, you lose your water gun. Instead, it's replaced by a magic scepter. This could come in handy. In this level, you have to dodge trees that cause apples to fall on you. For whatever reason, if you get hit by one apple, you lose half health!!! That's ridiculous!!! Luckily though, there's a glitch where if you keep pressing B and using magic while walking under the trees, they go through you and you don't take damage. Obviously I abuse the shit out of it. The way you're supposed to avoid the apples however is to use a magic beam to freeze them in place for a short time, but the controls are so awkward that it's a miracle if you can even get close to it!!"

About halfway through the repetitive stage, a red pony appears in the middle of a clear field, and a red health bar appears.

"So at some point in the level you see a red horse show up and the manual says his name is "Big Macintosh". He's insanely easy, all you do is strand right behind his ass, and shoot a magic beam up his asshole or something. That's what it looks like anyway. Then you hit him against trees until he admits defeat and runs away. The fight is so fuckin' bad it sucks. It's so fuckin' suck it FUCKS! Anyway, the rest of the stage is, guess what, MORE TREE DODGING?! Out of all the parts of this game so far, this is by far the most boring. But it's a damn farm. I can kinda see where they're coming from, but they could at least add more then just avoiding apples and shit," Nerd rants.

Finally, the screen shows a boss gate leading into the barn. "Finally. I'm gonna use this magic stick to turn this pony into a bag that I can take a shit in, and then when I have the bag full of shit, I'm gonna go find that red pony, and thrust it inside his nostrils!"

"Ah reckon you'd best quit yer yappin' and fight!" Applejack said.

"I'm done with this shit, I'm gonna blow my fuckin' brains out," Kyle said. Nerd jumped a little in surprise because he forgot he was there. Kyle shot himself with the NES gun and did a little dance before disappearing. AVGN went on to explain the fight.

"Applejack is fucking easy, but can do some damage if you're dumb enough to let her hit you. All you have to do is use magic to fling her across the room and she goes down fast as shit. I'd say she's as easy as the pink bitch. At this point in the game, it finally tells you that you get some 'Elements of Harmony' power in your wand, but it can only be used once. What's fucked up about it though, is that you NEED it for the final boss, or you can't beat the fuckin' game. When games do shit like that, you know you're dealing with a bad game. But I'll go into that later on." The stage select screen appeared once more. He took a sip of his Rolling Rock beer and prepared to select the final pony level, belonging to Twilight Sparkle. "This game is so fuckin' bad, I'D RATHER PUT DONKEY KONG UP MY ASS WHILE GETTING ATTACKED BY WILD HORSES!! IT'S FUCKIN' HORSE SHIT, AND I'M GETTING TIRED OF IT!!!!"

He chose Twilight's stage and her pose was standing there, with a glowing horn. "So what the fuck, is this pony getting horny or something?! Children's game my ASS!!!" Nerd yelled. Twilight looked at him angrily and prepared to charge a spell. The stage loaded up during the animation.

"So, this stage isn't so bad. You're in a library, and your only obstacles are books. Just jump over them, but sometimes during the level, a small purple and green dragon walks by and tries to attack you. To take him out, throw a fuckin' book at him. He's a goddamn wimp, almost as bad as the fuckin' Silver Surfer. Now that's something to be ashamed of. If this game allowed me to, I'd take the magic wand and blow up the little fucker to end his misery. That's one of the few times I feel sorry for such a pitiful game character. Sometimes, when he's not annoying the hell out of you, when you try to jump over a book, they make you fall over in mid-air!!! It's like, did they even have fuckin' beta testers for this pile of anal waste?!"

About a minute later, the Nerd reaches a stairway. "So, soon you find a stairway. I'd assume it leads to a second area of the level, and I'm right. This time, it's kinda like the end of a castle in Super Mario Brothers, except instead of Bowser's fire coming at you, they're purple magic energy balls, and they're quite fast. It's pretty close to the Yellow Devil's attack speed in the original Mega Man. Was that intentional too, this unoriginal pathetic excuse of a game?!?!" He dodges the magic and reaches a boss door. "The stage is okay overall, but it fuckin' blows, I'd had more fun tearing the hairs off my scrotum and putting them just outside my anus to take a grizzly bear dump, and have it mixed into my scalp!!! No wonder that cock sucker Kyle commit suicide!!!" The Nerd enters the door and faces Twilight Sparkle. "Hey purple pussy, let's have a magic duel. Winner has the biggest balls of all!!!"

"You... hurt Spike... hurt my friends.... I will fight for them!!! I must stop you!! For Equestria!!" Twilight yelled, with tears in her eyes.

AVGN commenced talking about the boss fight. "It's pretty damn shocking when I can say I actually enjoy a boss for once in a BAD game. But this isn't actually too bad. The attacks are easy to dodge and deflect, and jumping around and shooting magic spells to paralyze and drain her health is really satisfying. It's far from fun, but the rest of the game makes this battle seem like a fuckin' godsend. The rest of the game is fuckin' Hasbro Hell. Yeah, sounds about right." Twilight is soon defeated and the game goes back to the Stage Select. A new level icon appears saying: 'Canterlot Castle'.

"You thought this putrid asscheek of defined hell was over? Well, fuck no, not yet, but we're almost there. Just like Mega Man, there's a final castle level. I'M FUCKING FED UP WITH THIS SHITLOAD OF GODDAMN FUCK!!! IT'S WORSE THAN HAVING AN GAY GOBLIN COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND CHOKE YOU WITH HIS BOOGER FLAVORED MEMBER!!! IT'S WORSE THAN A LIZARD CRAWLING INSIDE YOUR ASSHOLE FORCEFULLY RIPPING OUT YOUR SHIT!!!! TIME TO FIGHT THESE FINAL BOSSES AND THEN WE'LL FUCK UP PRINCESS CELESTIA!!! AFTER I'M DONE WITH HER SHE WON'T BE WALKING ON SUNSHINE, SHE'LL BE FUCKIN' ON SUNSHINE, FUCKIN' HER SELF BACKWARDS WITH HER HORNY HORN!!!" AVGN pressed start on the final level, and it began.

Author's Note

I rephrased some jokes from "Top 20 AVGN Rants" in this chapter. Hope some of them were a bit funny.