My Crappy New Life

Celestia took a long and loud sip from her tea cup, making a little straw with her tongue so she could suck the warm liquid up. The rest of the inhabitants in the large, decorated room didn't seem to pay her obnoxious slurping any mind, though. It would seem that if she wanted to annoy them she would have to try harder.

She had to entertain herself somehow, after all. I mean, there are few things more boring than sitting in a room with all the Zebra ambassadors, discussing trade regulations and shit. She opened her mouth and started chinking away at the teacup with her front teeth, making an annoying pinging, but she was once more ignored. If the Zebras were annoyed by her efforts, they managed to hide it well.

She pulled the teacup away from her face with her magic and frowned. That one usually managed to annoy Luna at least. She looked around briefly to see if she could find anything to give herself an idea or two, when she suddenly felt something. Like a jolt of electricity. Her eyes widened and her body tensed up, losing her magical grip of the teacup and sending it flying into a far off wall where it shattered.

That had managed to get the Zebras' attention, and now they were all silent, looking at her.

"Please excuse me," she said as she got up, walking out without waiting for any of their opinions on the matter. "I have important things I've got to do."

Once outside the Zebras' fancy capitol building, Celestia took to the air, wanting to avoid any of the locals so she could take a moment to think about what had just happened. She had felt a disturbance in the magical force, and a big one at that. Probably every unicorn on the planet had felt that one...

It wasn't hard to locate where it came from, but the destination is what scared her the most. Whatever it was, it had happened in Canterlot palace. She began to fear that some evil force had taken advantage of her absence and had attacked. With that thought fresh in her mind, her horn lit up, and she disappeared in a magical flash, appearing hundreds of miles away. Thankfully she had magic. God forbid she flies anywhere or does anything by hoof.

--

Twilight Sparkle sat alone in her cell, leaned up against the wall. A fresh trail of tears had spouted from her massive tear ducts, but she was too absorbed in her mourning to care about wiping them away. She couldn't help but wonder how everything had gone so wrong. Just yesterday she was a newly crowned princess alicorn (though the title didn't come with much power) with loving friends and family, student to princess Celestia, and the most powerful ex unicorn in the whole country. Now she was locked in a cold cell all alone.

She hadn't meant to detonate Luna with the sheer force of her shit... It was all an accident. Now they would likely execute her for the assassination of one of the prime princesses. No doubt the news would convey it as a power grab. One princess killing another. Then she'd be publicly shamed. Her parents would probably have to go into hiding... And what would her friends think?

And what about Celestia? Her mentor and oldest friend. She was going to be super angry, no doubt. Twilight began to sob louder as those thoughts kept circling through her head over and over again. That is, until she heard the telltale clinking of the heavy wooden door being unlocked.

Twilight quieted down and wiped some tears away with a foreleg as she looked to see who it was, only to be disappointed as she saw that it was just a guard coming in. She hadn't been visited for hours now after being thrown in here, and now the guard was probably here to interrogate her.

She was surprised when he got closer and finally spoke, "Ms. Sparkle."

Her eyes widened as she recognized the voice. "Anal Gape? What are you doing here?"

He smiled as he took off his helmet and set it to the side, revealing his generic white coat and blue eyes. "I managed to get assigned to this room to guard you. For the next couple hours it's just you and me."

Twilight sniffled a bit and looked away. "I must look such a mess... And I doubt you'd want to spend any time with me after what I've done."

"Nonsense!" He stated, prompting a confused look from Twilight. "That was one of- no, the mightiest shit I've ever seen. How could I not want to spend time with you after that?"

Twilight wiped away the last of her tears, looking into Anal Gape's eyes in search of deceit, but all she saw were his gorgeous blue eyes. "You really mean that?"

"Yep. Also, I believe you owe me a favor for those pills."

Twilight couldn't help but smile and blush at the implications, and continued to do so as he removed the rest of his armor and put it in a corner of the cell. Once he was fully undressed, he reached down and pulled the caps off his back legs, revealing the pink, rounded heads on the tip of each. They looked bloated and swollen as though Anal Gape had been scratching at them recently, and Twilight couldn't help but feel butterflies in her tummy.

She had never been with a stallion before, and now it was happening. She wished it was somewhere nicer, or even at a better time, but she wasn't going to complain. She felt her pestilent birthing sacks in her belly roiling in anticipation of what was to come, already producing copious amounts of viscous goo.

She opened her mouth, hocking up a pool of brown liquid on the cobblestone floor as the glands in the back of her throat went into over drive creating enough lubricant for what was to come. Anal Gape stepped closer, being careful not to put too much weight on his back legs, as he stood over the pool on the floor.

He bent down and extended his tongue, lapping up a small amount of the goo before licking it all up. It tasted sweet like cinnamon meaning that Twilight was fit to procreate. Once he had swallowed the last of her brown goo, he moved in closer, rubbing the dirtied hair from her face with one foreleg.

"This is going to hurt really bad," he whispered in her ear. Twilight didn't care though, she knew she could take it. Her body was ready. Suddenly, Anal Gape struck out, hitting her in the jaw with as much force as he could muster and dislocating it. A few fresh tears ran down Twilight's cheeks as she felt her jaw hanging open awkwardly, and she tasted some blood mixing in with the goo already pooling in her mouth.

Anal Gape sat back on his haunches, poking his back legs out. The pink heads began moving on their own, opening and closing like a pair of gasping fish as they began wiggling around. Anal Gape grit his teeth and grunted in pain as his legs suddenly disconnected at the knees with a sickening squelching sound. Twilight could only watch wide-eyed as the now-separated appendages slithered across the floor with a mind of their own in her direction. Now that she looked hard, she could see that one had a blue racing stripe on the side while the other had a red one.

She bent down, bearing her wide-open mouth for the thing as it climbed up onto her tongue. It was already covered in a thick, white goo, mixing in with all the goo currently in Twilight's mouth and causing some of it to overflow over her teeth and drip down her chin.

It writhed inside her mouth like an angry hotdog, sending waves of pain through Twilight's detached jaw. Meanwhile, the other leg slithered around to her backside, stopping before her upraised tail. Without waiting for an invitation, it suddenly rammed its head into her unprepared anus, eliciting a pained moan from her. She wiggled her rump slightly, but the thing already had a solid grip with its grasping claws, meaning that it wasn't going anywhere. Anywhere but in, that is. It forced its way inside, ignoring Twilight's pained moans as it had a mission.

The one in the mouth simultaneously forced its way into her throat, spreading her esophagus like butter on toast. Even with the massive amounts of lubricating goo in the throat, it still hurt as the huge thing forced its way down, stretching it more than it had ever been stretched before. It continued to writhe all the way down, intent on making it to its destination before its twin did.

Meanwhile, the other leg was crawling through her intestines with no regard whatsoever. It was moving as fast as it could, it had to get to her primary sex organ, located just below her stomach, before its twin did or it wouldn't get to do its job. You see, only the fastest of the two sex legs gets to impregnate a mare while the other dies in horrible anguish, so they race to get there first.

Twilight continued to squirm as the two sex legs raced to her private parts. They weren't being very subtle about it...

Meanwhile, Anal Gape had stood up on his remaining two legs and crawled over to twilight. He positioned himself over her as he suddenly retched, squirting twin streams of urine out of two holes on the roof of his mouth. This had nothing to do with sex, he just had to piss.

After what felt like forever, the sex legs finally stopped their squirming as one was clearly made the victor. She would only find out which one won when she finally pooped out the desecrated corpse of the loser. If the blue one won it would mean she would spawn boys, while the red would insure she spawned girls. She laid still on the floor, covered in sweat, pee, goo, shit, and tears.

Today was just one of those days.