Chapters I'm a poet, a lover, a dreamer, an artist. I am entitled to describe each and everyone of my experiences so vividly, so passionately that secretly you'll end up wanting me.
It's been a while since I began to write down in this diary and so far it has only brought confusion yet I'm certain of one thing; it has served me well as a tool for self discovery.
Just like it happened that night when I made Evie scream of pleasure. The whole scene looped inside my head and it was amazing.
I missed her so when I fell unconscious. The way she moved, the way she laughed, like a sunflower.
When I came back home after having a long talk with Mom I sought refuge in the comfort of the mansion.
There was only the sound of the drizzling. I was slightly soaked and worn out so the best be to have a nice long replenishing bath.
This was my favorite part of the whole house. Its ambient was sort of vintage and by request I decided to paint the walls in light gray and black, much more of a gothic ambient.
There was also a small chandelier that provided dim illumination and a large window next to it with black velvet drapes.
And so I plunged into in the deep, warm waters and shut my eyes firmly and struggled to make my mind go blank.
I slowly let go and shut down all my senses until there was only one: touch.
As I leaned by head against the tub I placed my hooves around my thighs.
"I believe you could still use some company."
The spectre of a young mare appeared out of nowhere and layed on the other end. She was an earth pony with silver mane and pale blue coat. She looked down on me with lustful eyes and a thinner voice.
"Honey, you know how much I miss you..." I whispered.
"I am aware of that, as well as I am aware of many other things and as I repeat, that was truly an amazing night."
"I feel a genuine connection so strong enough to say I love you, how come you can't say the same?"
I recalled that moment after I had sex with Evie she didn't correspond with the words I needed to hear.
"Oh but Marelyn, there's still so much to come; you have to let your true self come to life which is the one I want."
"Wanting is not the same as loving..."
"You poor thing..."
She approached me and lift my chin later she kissed me with an open mouth.
"What are you?" I said softly, "I'm just dying to know..."
She pressed her head against mine and she continued, "What if I told you I was always there from the start?"
"What?"
At the same time this mystery mare did this she placed her hoof inside my thigh.
I felt that I lost control; the ghost of this girl was possessing me slowly and yet why did it feel so real?
And so she went deeper until I wasn't able to see her at all but I heard a weak voice say, "Now I will make you scream..."
I moaned and at the same time I was desperate; somehow this wasn't right because I felt her strength pushing again and again.
"What's the matter, I thought you liked bad girls..." she said.
"You don't have to do this at all," I replied.
"Oh but I longed for this moment...you're so soft and tender..."
She found what she was looking for, what she was craving for.
"So this is your deadly weapon," she said. "It's won't look so deadly once I'm done with it."
She sounded confident enough to knock me out and so she did. The way she suckled was firmly and slow; there was no rush.
How much did I underestimate her touch; I thought she was so demure but now she behaved like a smoldering temptress.
What was she after, my approval?
I yelped.
She wouldn't stop and held on to me tightly. Progressively the tension invaded my waist all the way down to my cock.
I cried out and sweared. I could feel her press hooves against my stomach. My body began to get warmer as the blood rushed.
After I came her image vanished and as it did she laughed maliciously; I stood helplesss and satisfied but at the same time heavily puzzled.
I got out dried my pale coat yet I felt the need to touch myself so badly again and so I retraced the steps of that encounter but with not so great results.
I went to bed cold and shivering. The room was intensly dark; only the pale moonlight through my window comforted me.
"It will all go away tomorrow, " I kept saying wrapping myself in the covers.
Sadly things didn´t get any better; I kept tossing and turning for the remainder of the night feeling feverish and light headed.
The next morning I could barely remember anything. My legs felt so heavy and inflamed.
Her laughter seemed to invade the garden outside so I decided to follow her.
It was incredibly hard to focus. My knees were shaking and began to pant horribly until I felt woozy and hit the ground.
"Marelyn, sweetheart, wake up..." said Rosie May.
I whimpered and felt literally drained. I found myself lying on red velvet couch twisting back and forth.
"Hey, pony princess, what seems to be the problem now?" said Pete.
I failed to answer.
"Dear, if you don't tell us what's the matter we can't help you," said the pink unicorn.
"Well, for starters he´s burning up and completely knocked out," said Pete as he felt and stroke my back.
"It must have been the heavy rain that made me sick," I said moaning. "It has to be."
"Oh...then it could be the pony flu."
"It's not fair, it's simply not fair!" I complained as I began to cough heavily, "I was fine yesterday, you saw me."
"These things happen all the time, besides you insisted going out in this ghastly weather."
She threw a cover over me and stayed there for a little while.
"Now, don't you worry, sweetheart, Pete has already gone to fetch the doctor."
"Seriously, it's not that bad, I just need some rest."
"Oh, no, it could be a whole lot worse..."
"I'm afraid of that," I said.
"It will be alright. You have had a rather topsy turvy season, haven't you?"
"Rosie..." I said lowering my head.
"Yes, dear?"
"Stay with me until help comes."
She smiled and hugged me, "Of course. My, you're trembling so much!"
Inevitably I landed in the hospital. Evidently it was the flu or something like that. The sad part was that I was unable to leave for a week or two and I was mad as a cow.
Luckily my pals came to visit, especially Twigster. He was the first one to arrive actually. He looked as serene as ever; he had gone for a few days to Applewood on business and came back with some rather surprising news.
"I just want you to know that Evie will come an visit soon. She's probably now crying her out, not to mention like probably dozens of you dearest fans."
"Never mind them," I said, " all I really need now is Evie."
"Yeah, I know!!!" he cried.
"I have a huge problem and you´re the only colt I can trust."
Twigster stood puzzled, "Really, how come?"
I sighed, "If I tell you something will you promise not to freak out and laugh?"
"You have my word!" he said happily.
"I believe there's something weird about the mansion."
"Oh really? Is it too big? Because I knew from the start it was..."
"No, no, no, it's not that at all!" I cried. "It has to be haunted, as inhabited by spirits. A few days ago I was visited by one of them, a girl."
"A ghost?" said Twigster surprised. "You have a wild imagination, dude!"
I lowered my head, "Fine, don't believe a single word I said."
"No, it's okay, I believe you but you've also been acting funny ever since the eclipse. See, I think you have a problem because I'm pretty darn certain it doesn't have to do anything with curses or magic or ghosts."
My eyes started watering and my voice shook.
"Dude, it's okay but I don't want you to go crazy or anything, that's the last thing we would need as a band."
"But some things are real," I said sobbing, "They are, why would this happen to me, it seems that I'm going two steps backwards instead of going forward."
"Do you wanna hear something cool? The album's almost done; I don't know how that was possible but it was possible. Just hang in there, okay, I will come and visit as much as I can."
"That's great..." I said in a lower voice, "Really great."
"Well, get some rest and forget about all of that, maybe it was just a bad dream or something."
"That's what I kept telling myself, how can I be sure it won't happen again?"
"Was it really THAT bad?" he said.
I sighed deeply, "She, um, she blew me. Why do think I'm telling you this?"
"And you call that a bad experience?"
"I'm confused, I feel as if I did something terrible."
"Fine, fine. We'll discuss this later..."
Maybe it had been a nightmare after all.
The gloomy weather kept coming from time to time and I was instructed not to be exposed to any sudden changes in the temperature.
"Oh, my stars!" cried Evie, "I did my best to come quickly." She hugged me tightly and filled me up with kisses. I considered myself lucky at this point.
When she came to see me she was heavily concerned. I also noticed she had brought some kind of satchel.
"This is worse than I expected," she said in a more serious tone. "I believe it will be necessary to use my abilities to help you."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked timidly.
"Luna said I was made to heal and that I will do. All these events are tied yet they are still bringing you sorrow. Your problem is simple to explain but difficult to treat..."
I stood pale.
"Your imagination, I mean! You have to control it otherwise it can turn into something darker and destructive. It's it your cutiemark."
"The double cross, why do you keep bothering me with this?"
"As above, so below. Both forces must be still so they can live together as one. I believed you learned this during your unconsciousness with the eclipse."
"Yes, and?"
She turned around and looked at me with dreamy eyes. I felt so bad inside as if my heart was twitching.
"Marelyn, please don't so anything you will later regret, here." She handed me out one of the many Cards of Fate; it was called the Magus. It had a picture of a unicorn wizard pointing towards up and down. There was also in front of him a table with many different elements which I couldn't make out. It was upside down.
"This is you. I'm not trying to confuse you more than you are already. It means that you're doing some major damage to yourself."
She tried to kiss with an open mouth trying to take advantage of my frailty and I quickly turned away.
"No, please don't!"
"What's the matter, I thought you liked that."
"I'm sorry, I'm just too sensitive right now."
"Right, get some rest."
The reason why I evaded her was because I had a flashback of that ill fated sexual encounter I had with the other girl. It felt more like an abuse, and abuse of power to be exact.
I wouldn't let this get to me so badly to panic in front of her so I began to make excuses, something that would have fatal consequences.
When I began to get well and was up on my hooves again I went back to rehearse with the band. As usual, Fred was the one who looked at me with resent because he felt I was desperate for attention, or something like that.
Finally he dared to make one brilliant remark one afternoon while at my placein the small theater.
"I think love is poison for you, my little pony friend. Instead of making you feel more inspired it's practically making you ill all the time, and it's weird enough as it is!"
"It was just a coincidence, okay? I have been working under so much stress and it's come to a point were things don' t make any sense anymore."
"To my understanding there have been several coincidences already, could it be the fact that you can't handle the heat?"
That upset me, "What's that supposed to mean, you think I'm running away from my responsibilites?"
"You could say that. This isn't even my band and I have been acting more professional than you."
Twigster interrupted, "I always supported you, dude, but don't you think things are getting a little bit out of hand?"
I began to breathe deeply, "Look, I'm sorry I've been a lousy leader but I can't help being caught in such a whirlwind of changes. Most creatures think I'm incredibly special and I am starting to become disgusted by that. I wish I could be a down to earth pony."
"You're not lousy!" said Jayson. "Besides, we're all special just by the fact of being here. I was dropped out of my band for experimenting, Fred is special because he sees the world differently and good ol' Twigster is special for being such a good friend. To wrap things up I think you're lucky enough to have us."
I stood crestfallen, "Really? And you're not mad at me being too passionate in my relationships?"
"There's always a balance for that!" said Fred.
"Give me an example."
"Don't lose your head and keep your hooves on the ground and don't lose sight of your projects, stay focused..."
Suddenly I trembled and interrupted my guitar playing friend, "Is it getting too cold in here?"
Everyone else went silent.
"No, I believe the temperature's just fine," said Twigster.
"Never mind; let's do this!"
The song began with a sustained slide guitar riff, something I never tried followed by a smooth electronic drum beat.
This ghost of a girl is killing me,
Behind every corner a wink of an eye,
I was trembling harder; my body felt heavier. I caught a glimpse of a moving spectre, it pale blue color was the evidence that she was around. And then she laughed cynically.
"There!" I cried, "Did you see that?"
"I'm sorry, I wish I could believe you but I didn't see anything," said Fred.
"What, what?" cried Twigster.
"The ghost! The girl..."
I was nauseated and lost balance until I hit the floor. What now?
They took into my bedroom, so they said and had been unconscious until the sun set or something like that.
"What seems to be your excuse now, huh?" said Fred with a mean look.
I fellt weak and wasn't able to get up.
"I already told you, I saw something, why won't you believe me?"
I curled up and felt like I was going to break into tears.
"I can't work with this, we're not getting anywhere!" he said again somewhat furious.
"Maybe he's trying to tell us something really important, dude," said Twigster.
"Uh, no, he's acting like a foal and we're just lagging with his obnoxious behavior and need I tell we're already behind schedule."
A few minutes later I heard Rosie May come inside.
"Dear, it's truly sad to see you like this. You haven't slept or eaten properly in days, why, I bet you are depressed!"
"What? No! It's not that," I cried upset.
"Then what is it, dude and don't tell me it's about ghosts and goblins and such."
I sighed deeply, "Then I guess there's no need to tell you anything else because you won't buy it anyway."
"Oh come on, it's not like that at all!" said Fred. "There's no need to be so extreme but what's this whole deal with ghosts?"
"Really?!" exclaimed Rosie May. "It never occurred to me that this mansion could be haunted!"
"It probably is," I said.
"Well, it's a very old house anyway but don't let that scare you, do you want me to fix you anything?"
"No, thank you," I said.
"Alright, then, I won't be a bother, please take care of yourself."
Then she left a bit worried.
"Look, no matter how absurd this might sound there's an evil presence in the house and I swear that I don't know what she wants from me."
"Ooooh, how convenient..." said Fred sarcastically. "What does she look like?"
"She looks amazingly hot. The point is I have no idea how she ended up here in the first place. She's got me scared stiff."
"Not to mention he said she gives pretty good head," said Twigster.
"You lucky bastard, then what are you complaing about?" replied Fred.
"It's Evie, she doesn't know anything! I feel as if I'm cheating on her or something."
"Well, that's just rich. See, I thought your issues were more realistic; before I joined this band I thought I was dealing with a pro. Could it be some kind of nervous breakdown?"
"Perhaps," I said. "Perhaps."
"Then that's it."
"That's what I keep telling you!" said Twigster. "If that's the case then how can we help you better, dude?"
"You're perfect the way you are, guys," I said, " but my imagination keeps spinning out of control for no reason."
Rosie may had left a plate with some pills. I assumed they were to help me sleep.
"I guess I better put my nightmares back where they belong, huh?"
"Perhaps, dude, perhaps," said Twigster.
Those pills left me knocked out for a long time until I woke and realized by the small clock in my night table it was around half past three.
I shook my head and licked my lips feel thristier than ever.
I stretched my legs across the bed and remained uncovered and completely relaxed and didn't seem to give a damn about anything.
"I'll tell you my name if you let me finish the game."
That was her eerie voice again. I felt her arms wrapped around my waist and that's when I began to shiver uncontrollably.
"What game?" I continued.
"You know..." The pale blue mare impreganted me with a strong scent of jasmine perfume and as she did she slipped her hoof down my crotch.
"Come on, play with me."
I panted, "Please, go away, you're hurting me."
"Then hurt me back," she said and turned around to stare into my eyes.
"You're so beautiful, every last part of you is so desirable..."
She kissed my neck repeatedly. I rolled my eyes and shed a few tears.
"Let me go, I don't like this, let me go..."
She gave no option but to throw her against the bed.
"My, aren't you strong...do it, big bad boy, fill me up."
And then she presented herself and spread her legs wide open; she waved her silver colored tail gracefully.
"Who are you and why are you doing this to me?!" I shouted.
"You have a very foggy memory, even so, who can resist such a luscious mare, do me."
"No," I responded strictly.
"What are YOU then? Pussy."
"I said no, okay?" and then I turned away.
I ran towards one end of the room and covered my eyes. There I stayed hoping she would give up and leave.
"It's only my imagination," these are the words I kept saying while my heart was racing.
After I slowly opened them she was gone. I looked from side to side to make sure there was no trace.
There was no other sound but of the windchime Rose May had placed outside a while ago.
I plummeted and turned to my side.
"Good god, I must be losing my mind."
But maybe I spoke too quickly; the bed felt icy cold and her laughter came back. She muzzled me with her hooves.
"We're going to have a little talk you and I..." she whispered into my ear.
Over the next days I failed to talk to anyone, I was like a living dead pony. I was helpless because no one would ever believe that a spectre came in every night to abuse me and that sort of triggered my depression.
So screw it. I put all of my efforts into practicing with the guys to be out some time during the summer and that served as a powerful distraction.
Till one fine day in the second half of May I invited Evie to visit. Her presence so subtle made me feel like a child.
I also examined the Magus Card she gave me.
We strolled for a while in the big garden bathed by the pale sun rays and a cloudy sky.
"This is a rare opportunity to relax and think out loud," she said. "I noticed you have lost some weight."
"It's been a very busy season.Things will work out on their own, I just need some time to adjust," I said.
"So glad to see you again!" said Evie as she gave me a warm hug. Something inside me snapped.
"Please don't."
"What's wrong, darling? You keep avoiding me. It's like you don't wanna see me at all."
"It's not that, it's just..."
She placed her arms around me and snuggled. I felt nervous and paralyzed.
"Shhh, it's okay," she said softly. "That's funny, you feel a little bit cold."
"What are you talking about?" I asked nervously.
"I can't explain it but you feel different, then again it could be me."
"I don't understand."
"Never mind."
Suddenly I felt the need to hug her back.
"I, I'm scared, hold me..."
"Actually you're starting to scare me, Marelyn. Have you been taking my advice?"
"Yes!" I cried, "do you suppose there could be evil lurking around my house?"
"That's something a medium could find out but then again it wouldn't hurt to give it a try."
"Can you do that as soon as possible?"
"Honey...I..."
"Please? I have never been more afraid in my entire life."
"That does sound alarming, I'll see what I can do, alright?"
"Okay."
"Marelyn?"
"Yes?"
She responded timidly as she waved her long blond tail, "I can't wait to hear you new music."
"Oh, right! Soon, very soon."
While I may not have had powerful allies to back up my story at least I knew I could always count on Evie.
Now I would seek a way to successfully cast out that demon, that toxic girl.
I guess she knows I'm unfaithful
I might as well just give in.
End this charade
My thoughts are my poison
A snake that's biting its own tail.
Evie didn't come right away, for I knew she had to handle her affairs. Up to now she had been very discreet about our relationship except for one or two times that they'd seen us together coming outside the Chateau Licorne.
"An odd couple; the sweet doll accompanied by the shady boy everyone has grown to love and hate at the same time."
I don't mind being labeled, I get that all the freaking time and I developed a hard shell for that but Evening Sky, well I hope I haven't left a visible scar on her yet.
She suggested that everyone was to leave the house at a very specific hour, so we stayed up until 3 AM
Rosie, on the other hoof was making sure that Lilicat didn't startle.
Evie rubbed my shoulders to give me comfort.
"We'll see how this ends. This hour is when the spirits gather. What does it look like?"
I paused, "Um, it's a she, that's all I got."
"I see. Have you ever tried to find out more about the history behind this place?" she asked.
"Not really but it has never had a single report that it was haunted."
"If you trust me as a medium let me be alone for a bit. I will try to connect with whatever is in it."
The shadow of doubt pursued me, "I trust you but be careful, this spirit seems to be violent."
"So you do know more..." she said. "What has she done exactly?"
I got more nervous; I had a bad feeling about this from the beginning.
"Forget it; I'll find out by myself."
She went into the foyer of the mansion and there she remained in a lotus position and closed her eyes.
I wasn't sure what I was more terrified of; her being personally damaged or the bond that we already had being brought down by an invisible stranger.
"This weather is kind of deceiving, isn't it?" I asked to Rosie May trying to make small talk.
"It sure is!" she cried looking at the gloomy sky, "not to mention cold."
"Yeah, I hate that because I always end up with some kind of infection."
"Yes, about that, does it happen that often?"
"I guess," I sighed, "that's why I have to take care of my singing voice."
"She really is a rather nice girl, isn't she?"
"Evening Sky? Yes, obviously but sometimes she's way too mysterious for my taste.
"Have you ever thought of what they say about you two?"
She was referring to things like rumors and such.
"I don't really care, all I want is for her to make me happy."
"And does that involve hurting you?"
Rosie May began to sound odd making uncomfortable remarks.
"I believe you better go find her, dear."
"Right. It justs gives me the chills to leave her in a very big house all alone."
This time I brought Lilicat in order to stay alert in case anything funny happened.
I proceeded to the entrance which was adorned by two statuettes of black gryphons. The arched doors completed a very interesting setting to have a rather gruesome night.
I felt a slight breeze caress my back. There was no sound at all, even my voice produced an echo.
My girlfriend wasn't in the place where we last saw her so I called her with discretion.
"Evie! Are you there? Please come back..."
Lilicat started growling and sniffing the ground.
"Be quiet, girl!" I said to her. "Evie!" I cried desperately. "Where are you?"
That's when I began to panic; I breathed heavily and I could see it with the poor lighting. It was cold as a thousand nights.
"No, this can't be happening, it can't be."
I shut my eyes firmly. After I opened them the ghostly mare appeared showing lustful eyes.
"Did you call me?"
She let her mane down out of that improvised pony tail I had seen and wore a sort of lavender nightgown. She was about the same height as Evie; she even walked like her in a rather naive manner.
Then she giggled.
"Where is she?" I asked nervously.
She paused. "So I see; there's somepony else."
"She's not just somepony else, she's my girlfriend."
"How dare you, how dare you?!" The pale blue pony whipped me with her tail. "Don't you even remember who I am?"
"Somewhat but no!" I shouted.
"Then allow me to give you a hint; that lovely evening after Heart and Hooves Day...that was me."
This made no sense.
"That can't be, I stayed the whole time with Evie, where did you come from and what's your name?"
"You tell me, I am just jogging your memory."
She stroked her head against my neck and began to kiss me gently. My thoughts were only on my girl.
"Tell me it was me who touched you this way and no one else."
I tried to turn away, "It's all a lie, a well crafted lie but I won't fall for this, so go away."
"Does the name Sussie Sapphireheart sound familiar?"
I froze, "No, I'm sorry."
"Typical of any boy; they seldom or never remember who they got lucky with. It doesn't matter anyway but it only proves one thing: you are just not that faithful enough."
"What?"
"I already know you're going to lose her so we might as well get it over with."
"How do you know that?" I said breathing heavily so much I could even see my own breath.
"A ghost can see anything; past, present or future therefore I'm a perfect match."
"What do you want? You can't have me!" I cried. "You'll never have me."
"Oh but no girl, or boy will ever have you, even I know that, it's not like you're some prized possession. I just want you to do the same thing you did back then."
"What?"
Sussie whispered into my ear,"Make me scream of pleasure, again."
"I already told you, that was Evie, not you, so stop pretending we had something together!"
She was very upset; even in the darkness I could notice she was furious. Her eyes glowed like fireflies.
"You will lose her anyway..."
She put her hoof down and the marble floor began to illuminate with a sort of blue neon light. After it reached me I was paralyzed.
For a split moment I felt guilty for not being able to defend myself from any sort of magic but then again if I was able to conquer my dark half in the dreamworld why couldn't I do the same?
Lilicat jumped out of nowhere and defended me; how did she know what to do?
Somehow this was good enough to protect me and somehow kill this curse.
I covered my eyes in fear like any child would and curled up. The tension went all the way down to my stomach and I was shaking up like crazy.
That was until I heard some pony.
"Marelyn, Marelyn!" said Evie. "Are you okay?"
I quickly got up and embraced her.
"You look agitated, what´s wrong?"
I said, "I panicked and came in to find you."
"That´s alright; anyway, you can relax now, this house isn´t haunted. In fact it´s the safest place in the world to be."
I looked from side to side feeling doubtful, "Are you sure there´s nothing in here that´s evil?"
"No, I´m still thinking it´s just your wild imagination." she said approaching me.
I paused. "So, you don´t believe me, do you?"
"What are you talking about? I mean, I support many of the things that you do but this is nonsense! When you think about it there´s no reason to believe that there is an evil presence here. I checked it from wall to wall and it´s fine."
I threw my hoof over my face and sighed deeply.
"Sweetie, I know this is hard to deal with but sooner or later you´re going to have to accept that your mind is playing tricks on you. Tell me, is there something so hard that you´re trying to avoid?"
"Avoid, like what?"
"Well, responsibilities, of course. Is the real world so difficult to overcome?"
"NO! Everybody that I know keeps telling me that and I wasn´t expecting that you would come here and say that to me as well."
"I care about you but this situation is getting way out of hand, Marelyn."
"Please stop saying that..."
"You are just causing yourself great pain every time you do this."
"But you´re still afraid of me, why won´t you want to come inside?"
"I quite frankly don´t know what to say."
My vision clouded, "Then tell me you do love me."
"What?"
"You never said it the night when we slept together," I said in a very demanding way.
That made her feel slightly uncomfortable, "I don´t think it´s something you have to force feed. Besides, you have to give me some time."
"Then how much time do you actually need until you understand?"
"You´re pushing me way too hard, and that truly scares me. But you know what? I sincerly think your insecurity is being evidenced right now. Good night."
That was the last piece of conversation we had for weeks. She had left in the early morning feeling like this was some kind of mockery.
Meanwhile a strange dark cloud of doubt invaded me and slipped into me. Maybe they were right; I was beginning to feel less interest in practically anything I did.
It was hard to believe truly that Evie had caused a strong effect on me. My nights were getting worse and my anxiety climbed to unexpected levels so what took place instead were those encounters with Sussie.
This time she appeared to be less agressive, perhaps more nurturing and understanding; the worse or best part was that she surfaced everywhere and every time we had sex I closed my eyes and pretended it was Evie yet the illusion was never that powerful enough to make Sussie go away.
Once I was told that there was this unwritten rule in which a rockstar was never supposed to show a bit of vulnerability in his music. How was I going to hold up when my heart felt like to burst?
Twigster, hoping his advice would do any better told me that little tale and so much more, so he came to visit me at the house to help sort things out a little.
"Boy, you really are down, dude," he said while he offered me a shot glass of Dragon´s Tears.
"She´s afraid of me..." I said in a rather flat tone. "She is truly."
"Please, don´t let that get to you, what happened?"
"Why would anyone be afraid of me? Tell me."
He paused and took a deep breath.
"Um, it´s not that you´re scary per se; it might be because sometimes you have these attitudes that really creep us out, myself included."
I turned away.
"I mean, not that you´re a total wreck but she knew what she was getting into."
"What was she getting into, what was incredibly bad?! I shouted fiercely.
"Well, you know, girls really never take us seriously when it comes to a relationship; most of the time they just wanna have fun."
"But she´s different, Twigster, I can feel it in my hooves!"
"You would have to ask yourself why; then again she just could be an obsession, not real love."
I took another sip of my drink, "Fine, you´re not helping me with this at all, I want her back so badly it hurts."
"You have to concentate on the band, we need to pull ourselves together if we are going to have everything ready by this summer."
"I guess you´re right, maybe we do need some time off to think things through."
Twigster freaked out, "We? Oh, don´t tell me you´re planning on quitting the band?"
"No! I mean, me and Evie."
"Aw, yeah. Seriously, though, don´t let her get the best of you."
"Do you really think we belong together?"
"Only time will tell."
He left me alone to rest about 1 AM but I kept on drinking until I was fully relaxed.
I rested my head by the bar and slowly began to get sleepy and somewhat light headed.
Suddenly I felt some pony rub my shoulders.
"Baby, come to bed, it´s rather late."
That was none other than Sussie. Somehow she managed to wrap her legs around mine.
She began to stimulate me by kissing me around random places. There was a huge mirror on the other side of the bar and I could notice that she had no reflection at all.
"I insist, Honey, you look exhausted, come back to bed."
I answered timidly, "What then, are you going to pleasure me like you always do?"
Sussie said in a much sweeter tone, "Yes,let´s do it, you´re so soft and cuddly I could do you all the time."
I moaned and felt aroused easily. A part of me was enjoying this and she did it so well I was obliged to continue and excite her like her like never before. If I tried my hardest maybe she would calm down and stop following me around.
"Come on, let me help you with that." She stuck her hoof inside my crotch and began to rub me so gently.
"Awww yeah, aww yeah..." I moaned almost instinctively. "Let me fuck you, come one, just give me the chance..."
"Alright, whatever you say," said the pale blue mare. "This oughta be fun."
We made it to my bedroom. By then I was fully aroused and ready to shoot her with all I had.
She strecthed her legs wide open and said, "There you see, it wasn´t all that hard to give into me, was it?"
I threw her against the wide bed. Her carefully crafted rose pussy kept igniting my dark side.
"Do it baby, fill me up..."
I had a full erection and proceeded to lift her hind legs all the way up so I could see her twisted wicked expression.
"You'll never have me," she said while she panted.
"And I don't want to," I said.
"You'll never have any of us; not me, not your darling Evie...awww."
"Shut up, you've done enough damage already." I squeezed her legs as I went deeper inside her but quickly noticed a big empty as if she wasn't there at all even I could touch her.
She giggled, "I told you," and she paced as she said this, "You'll never have me."
Suddenly I began to look at Evie instead.
"Silly foal, did you think it was so easy?"
The adrenaline kept pumping harder as if I was running away from some hideous monster. I failed to concentrate on penetrating her and rolled to the side. I was still inflamed and warm.
This night of debauchery somehow ended with me throwing up constantly. I take it because of the heavy dosage of alcohol. It seemed kind of strange since I had developed some tolerance to it, then again that mare scared the living daylights out of me.
I was physically and mentally intoxicated.
Beware of heartache
Sussie had vanished for good when I realized that she was only a reflection of the obssession I had over the real mare, the one I longed for the most but to get her back was gonna take some time.
I healed eventually and casually dated mares or colts as a last resource. Unfortunately the word quickly spread like some sort of infection.
Everything ceased to thrill me; nothing felt the same; I guess I really was depressed. It was a neverending storm.
When I had the chance to be completely alone I wept and drank heavily. It felt even worse; what was it, apathy?
I couldn't hate her let alone despise her. I did that in the past so I was supposed to had changed my ways. Yet it seems that every time some pony detected my frailty I was encouraged to fight back and strike like a hawk.
I even asked several times to Rosie May if Evie had written back.
"I'm never gonna see her again," I said one morning.
"Oh come now, it's not the first time this has happened, I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, love," she said. "Here, you do need to eat something otherwise you'll keep getting sick."
"What's the difference? I'm aleady sick, anyway..."
And I took some sips of that oatmeal and I felt somewhat relieved.
"Thank you; it really is good."
"It's nothing; you're like the son I never had."
"Sorry if I ask, how come you never had a family?"
"I was going to but my partner got lost in the great flood in Fillydelphia."
"Oh yeah," I suppose if you ever did have a filly or a colt he's be about my age right now."
"Exactly."
"What am I going to do? I was so sure that she was the one for me. the way she approached was so unique."
"Maybe it's because she made you feel something when you actually stopped feeling anything for a long while. Imagine as if you didn't use you heart for a while and it had gone numb and now it does hurt. Are you sure you had never fallen in love?"
"No, it's not the first time," I said. "But it certainly feels as if it was the first, as she was my first and all the other ones didn't count."
"Go back to your friends; they'll help you forget this painful moment."
"Rosie; tell me the truth, do you think I was just obsessed with her?"
"Real love always comes when you least expect it."
"That's what I was afraid of. Thanks anyway."
Maybe Rosie was trying to put me in the right direction; somehow I needed to get rid of all my demons but even if that imaginary lover was out of my life why did it still continue to hurt?
In the meantime the band received an offer to play in Las Pegasus, a rather popular venue these days especially for lower profile festivals. And it so happened that we joined forces with a quasi punk band from Trottingham called Saddle Stitch, the lead singer who went by the code name Blak Beauty was practically eye candy. I wasn't fully convinced; he had no style whatsoever but their somewhat depressing music became addictive with his vocals. A sort of androgynous like me which made me wonder whether we all came from the same branch.
He even had green eyes like me but were more of an emerald tone and the sound of his voice was thinner and smoother as that of a school filly. Most of the time he was seen with a trademark sleeveless shirt, small scarf and a black beanie.
I never doubted their talents but certainly it was rather awkward to compare my band with the goth scene. I was already spawn from the darkness and they chose the darkness.
Since it was Twigster's hometown he took me that weekend for a little sightseeing. I told him specifically not to bring the girlfriend problem up.
Down there the weather was dramatically different from Canterlot; lots of palm trees, the heavy sunlight that ruined by snowy white complexion.
"Sometimes it's better to walk after 6 o' clock, it can get a little bit rough if you know what I'm saying," said the brown coated pony.
"So we were asked to use a new opening song; you know for publicity purposes," he said.
It didn't take for me to come up with the perfect one, still, Twigster thought it was a little harsh to use it.
"Are you sure you wanna go with that one? It's a bit darker than usual."
"I'm definitely sure; it's the current mood that I'm in. So what else do you know about this Saddle Stitch?"
"Well, they have a huge fan base, comparable to ours even, their drummer is wicked who earlier played with Bolter."
"I have very little clue about Trottingham, only Alice Cooperpony."
"About that!" Twigster cried, "it may be possible but not one hundred percent confirmed that we might do a few gigs with him in the fall."
"I am already aware of that and I'm pretty sure there's a good friend who will be dying to go," I said. "Please remind me to snatch some passes later, I've become a little absent minded."
"Nah, you're always like that, it's called daydreaming."
"No, I'm not even in the mood for that," I said a bit crestfallen, "because that would only take place if I was truly happy."
"Whatever, how's your singing voice?"
"Well, if it doesn't sound like it used to don't be frightened but it will match whatever's on my mind."
The song in question was conveniently named, Toxic Girl and I guess it made sense because I chose to put a hard shell to avoid getting hurt again; that was the right thing to do; to rise within the masses and let them scream my name out loud yet no one is aloud to enter here, no one.
Yet when some pony spots a little tenderness in metal it's indeed something to frown upon. So instead I surprised them with a ruptured voice that afternoon.
"Whoa, that may have been a little bit too much than I expected but that'll do, " said Fred while we were lounging backstage. "Let's hope it doesn't repeat in the rest of the summer tour."
"Oh, why not?" I asked.
"I'm just saying, don't over do it, by the way, do you know what the press said about you?"
"No, I had no interest of whatsoever," I said a little bit upset.
"Neither do I but it's kinda funny; actually lots of fans grew highly concerned because they thought you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown."
"Gee, I appreciate that a lot but it's still part of my image."
"I am actually coming to that conclusion and the cool thing is that it has brought even more attention. It's practically sold out."
"Great, a colt is mourning over the death of a relationship and suddenly it becomes more attractive."
"Mmmm, yeah, that has never been my style. Look, I appologize about that time I almost gave up on you."
Fred was being surprisingly empathetic about the whole thing between Evie and me.
"Yeah, and I admit I was a huge drama queen."
"It's not like it's the first time I've seen something like this; the lead singer turns out to be the main protagonist this ridiculous romance novel."
"It's not like that at all!" I said while a drank from a flask full of Dragon's Tears. "I still don't get why I am facing so many changes; from my understanding I stopped growing up since I was eighteen."
"You think you are different when in fact you are only special and to my understanding we are like that. I used to think I wasn't that special until..."
"Until what?"
"Until I found you guys of course but you didn't hear that from me, I'm usually more discreet."
"Interesting, that's very very interesting." I finished my drink and took care of some minor endeavors.
A while later I was in the comfort of a cold, freakishly dark dressing room as I had requested.
Besides my arsenal of makeup and things there was something else on the table which resembled the Magus Card she had given me. How did that get there in the first place?
Here is where I performed a ritual in which I layed out a transparent large bowl of icy cold water for my complexion.
As I was doing this I noticed a reflection on the glass and quickly turned away.
I saw the silhouette of a small pony with a rather long tail unlike mine and waved it in a sensual manner. He also spoke with a very soft voice.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything important..."
"No but how did you get in here, it's supposed to be locked," I said a bit startled.
"That's alright, love, I just came to wish you luck."
That was Blak, no doubt about that. Somehow I felt as if I was surrounded by a dear old friend. He knew exactly what to say.
"You look incredible, even without makeup you're still so easy to read and expressive."
"I thank you for that but I don't to hear that all the time and especially coming from some pony like you."
"But it's the actual truth, how could anyone resist you? Those eyes would make anyone blush, even me."
I responded politely, "Blak, what's the deal here?"
He got a little mad, "I think you already know where this is going..."
He later proceeded to stimulate by kissing my neck. The way he did it was so subtle yet somewhat rehearsed.
"Not now...not now, wait until the show is over, you don´t wanna wear me out so soon," I said while I panted.
"Fine, I´ll be waiting for you, sweetie pie."
The truth was that I was so looking forward to that moment. I licked my lips savouring the moment, that bastard was experienced.
I guess this meant the birth of my duality and the worst part was that it felt so natural that probably Evie or any other girl would look at me the same way.
Onward to darkest corners of my mind.
Then the birth is always followed by a decadence therefore something would be sacrificed that night.
Saddlestitch had the opening act so that somehow gave some extra time to prepare my vocals because they feel a bit garbled.
By the stepped into the limelight I was clad with a short sleeved transparent black shirt and a thin choker. I had also brought my alicorn mic stand since it was becoming a sort of trademark.
The stage had a sober design, particularly black velvet with the Rockuestria logo on it and a set of tall candelabras.
We played at least ten songs in a row and the newest one which took me forever to get right.
This ghost of a girl is killing me,
Behind every corner a wink of an eye,
I guess she knows I'm unfaithful
Beware of heartache
I did notice that in the middle of the song Blak was checking me out, from top to bottom. Even when he wasn't there I felt that he was looking at me; I even shivered just by hearing the name.
As usual as soon as I finished the set I failed to explain about my chaotic behavior except for a handful or words like, "Keep reaching for that dark rainbow, kids."
Twigster was the only one who noticed that I was a bit disengaged from our conversations we had backstage.
So I came up with a rather silly excuse to be left alone, only my trustworthy Pete knew about it.
"Alright!" he cried. "Back to your old self again, huh?"
"I guess so. I might as well shut down one door and open another one," I said entering the eerie dressing room.
"Pete; this is just between you and me. You don't ask, don't tell what went on in here."
"Gotcha, what happens in Las Pegasus stays in Las Pegasus."
After I was secure inside this time it was horribly silent. The room was spacious enough and with an artificial temperature around sixty degrees more or less considering how it was outside.
The air was filled with a soft scent of sandalwood. Some old school goth music played in the background which I couldn't figure out exactly.
"Please, go ahead and make yourself comfortable," said Blak while he layed on a light gray leather couch and drinking someting of a rather bluish color, "I don't bite."
I did everything to appear less naive and nervous.
"Is this your first time?" he asked.
"Of course not," I replied proudly.
"It figures, would like some of this?"
"You know I'm always open to new experiences," I said. And so I took a sip and noticed that such liqueur was way stronger than what I used to have. My throat was on fire.
"Ah, you should have given me this earlier; it's heavy."
"Thanks!" said Blak gleefully, "I always carry a special stash of mine everywhere I go; the best from Trottingham. They call it Midnight Rain. You can have this one, I have lots more. So, what's your current situation?"
"About what? Oh, no, I'm not seeing anyone right now."
"Me neither, freedom is always so underappreciated because you're one of those hard to tame ponies, am I right?"
I paused, "What if I want to feel tamed?"
"Oh, don't be ridiculous! Some pony like you deserves to be in the wild and rock n' roll is practically THAT."
He approached and leaned his head on me and continued to caress me.
"Your coat is so soft and shiny; it would be such a shame if it got dirty."
I started to feel ticklish and remained silent. "Thanks, I always take good care of it, I admit sometimes I'm sort of a neat freak."
His baby blue coat on the other hand felt cold against mine.
"Tell me something, Marelyn..." he whispered into my ear. "Do you like that?"
He stuck his hoof between my legs and into my crotch. This made me yelp and feel aroused.
He kissed all the way down my chest while he continued to massage my parts and progressively he spread my legs.
Blak looked up at me and said gasping, "I want you, I want you..."
"That´s the problem," I said breathing heavily, "Everybody wants me but who can love me?" My eyes watered.
"Oh, love, I wish I could mutter those words to make you happy," he said, "instead I´ll do my best to make you feel better, now where were we?"
His tongue began to invade my dick as if we was devouring some precious piece of caramel.
I cried while I leaned against the couch. "Damn! Don´t stop..."
He then licked in an upward and downward position as he grabbed my cock with both hooves. The tension was getting to my thighs. I breathed faster. At one point I shut my eyes thinking this was a surreal moment. It was wrong but it felt so right.
I just gave in because he was doing it so well I had nothing to fear. I shivered within the depths of that dark room.
"Fuck, keep going," I said.
His tongue slightly twisted and moved slower; that was the moment I was on fire and came intensively.
"Awwww!" I screamed out loud to the top of my lungs. "Fuck."
I couldn´t see if he swallowed my cum or not but after that he ended he landed on top of me to cuddle.
"It´s alright, love, everything´s is going to be alright."
Blak felt me trembling and hugged me tighter,
"I´m so cold."
"Shhh, it´s okay, I´m not letting you go."
Whatever happened after that was a great blur. When the guys found me they said I was knocked out.
When I recovered my consciousness I was already on my way back home on the train to Canterlot.
"Gosh, what time is it?" I mumbled. I remember it was dark and rested on a bunk bed on top of my good friend Twigster who was also half asleep.
"What is it dude?" he asked tapping on the wood.
"I don't know but I can't sleep," I answered with some difficulty.
"Well, you sure slept a lot!" he cried, "Wanna talk about it? I don't mind."
I rested my head and continued, "I don't feel good; my throat hurts a little."
"Sorry to hear about that, it's alright just don´t force it, after all you did drop some nasty vocals."
"Yeah, I hope it doesn't get worse," I said as I curled up.
"You just can't seem to catch a break, now can you? Um, do you miss HER?"
I froze, "It's like everything has become more difficult ever since she left me."
"Awww, don't feel so low, you can always start over, if you know what I'm saying."
"But I don't want anyone else, I need her! My whole world is falling apart!" I said while I coughed.
"Dude, we've known each other for how long? I've never seen you so obsessed over a girl before."
"It might sound a bit awkward but I need her to get better."
"Then why won't you write to her?"
"Because I...I probably should but I don't wanna look like I'm desperate."
"No, you're not desperate but you do sound terrible!"
"Do I?"
"Wait, let me see if I can bring you something."
He offered me a full glass of water and I sipped it slowly.
"Thank you. It still hurts but I think I'll be able to get some shuteye. Can I tell you something?"
"Sure!" he said.
"How do I know I'm not dreaming? Because it all feels lately like one big nightmare."
"Because I honestly think you're in love and you can't get over it; that's why you're so dramatic."
But it didn't get better at all. Although I never said a word about my casual encounter with Blak; nobody cared about it. Pete was my only confident.
So one early morning while I was in my office I took some courage and asked Rosie May to help me out with a letter.
"Don't think that I have no clue how to do this," I said , "but I need some kind of support."
"That's no problem at all, dear," she said smiling. "Here, I brought you a nice warm cup of chammomille."
"Thank you. It feels horrible, like knives running down my throat. Anyway, I, um, need to send this as soon as possible."
And so I began:
My darling Evie:
Not even a thousand songs or a thousand words could describe what I feel for you.
I admit that sometimes I have a chaotic nature that makes you want to runaway from me and hide like a child from a monster. I keep recalling that night when we made love you proved yourself to me and yet now I wonder why you stopped looking for me.
Since then my surroundings have felt like a nightmare, one that never ends, you're so damn hard to replace. I realize something went wrong but even so you know that I would never hurt you.
All I ever wished for is to protect you probably even from yourself. On the contrary and curiously I am the one who keeps abandoning himself more and more. The days seem longer and harder to get by.
I am not asking you to love me entirely but yes be near me because whenever I see you everything makes much sense again.
For better or worse you're still like a best friend to me,
Love,
Marelyn.
Rosie May finished penning the letter and made an interesting remark,
"Dear, this looks more like a farewell letter to your relationship and more like an invitation to remain as friends."
"Yeah, well, I'm taking your advice; I'm not begging her to love me back as you told me that this comes when I least expect it."
"Yes, indeed but aren't you going to fight for what to believe in?"
"I believe..." I said with a raspy voice and coughed, "We can still be together but in a different way. Make sure that Pete sends this out immediately; he already knows where to leave it. I need to rest."
"It's alright, go ahead. Call if you need anything."
"You've already done enough."
I jumped into bed feeling exhausted and not giving a damn. A while later Lilicat appeared and comforted me.
"Hey, girl, where have you been?"
She curled up around me and began to purr so gently that it made me drowsy.
I gazed at her and started a little conversation, "I'm gonna lose her for good.. but I just want her to be happy. Am I never going to learn to love anyone, is it true what they say?"
I sighed and sobbed feeling as if I had lost the fight. Meanhwile there was another internal battle I had to deal with otherwise I'd be useless for my band.
As the days went by my condition didn't improve. The specialist came to visit and he had sort of look. After I was examined he explained to me I needed some kind of operation and that's when I snapped.
"Will I able to sing again?" I asked.
"Actually, it's necessary for you to feel much better!" said the pony doctor. "You see the reason is that you've been having these fevers that seem to come and go, right?"
"Maybe."
"Don't worry, a simple tonsillectomy will do."
I was growing concerned, "Am I going to sound any different after this?"
"No, no, no, but I insist you have to do this immediately."
You can imagine that this was something to be truly afraid of.
In the past I was told I needed that operation but it wasn´t that serious until now; I guess that pretty much explains why I perceived everything in a surreal mode, hallucinations from the constant fevers I guess, no black magic involved of whatsoever.
But still how come in the middle of all this storm I lost some pony? A part kept hoping it was something temporary because I trusted her; she was smart, she couldn´t be just some helpless little girl seeking shelter in the arms of a dark creature like myself.
The night before I was sent to the hospital I had a sort of long conversation with Pete to calm me down while I was tucked in.
"What´s the matter, Marelyn?" he said while he sat by my bed.
"I´m afraid," I said.
"Aww, but you´re afraid most of the time and that´s definitely not good."
"I don´t know what will happen after this, what if I don´t sound that great anymore?"
"Nah, that reminds me of a cousin I had and I can assure you won´t be so affected, trust me."
"It´s just that I don´t wanna go through this alone, by the way did she get the letter?"
"Yep."
"See I´m not trying to look like I´m in agony or anything but..."
"Princess! Now don´t you worry about a thing; you´re forgetting about all the other creatures around you like myself."
"I appreciate that a lot but there are other things I miss so badly from Evie and that I would want more than anything."
"Such as, you can tell me, we´re all friends here, right?" said Pete winking an eye.
"Right," I said with some difficulty trying to speak, "I like that she has initiative in bed; she knows exactly what she wants but she seems a little bit intimidating; her confidence is besieging and that´s when I start to feel powerless."
"And insecure," he added. "You´re so panicked right now."
"And dizzy..." I continued as I rested my head on the pillow.
"How come?"
"I can´t sleep, not sure what the outcome will be. I mean, my body can heal but not my heart so easily,"
"You´re dramatizing everything and you know why?"
"Because my little pony friend, you are so madly in love with that mare."
"I know that!" I cried. "But it´s a mutual thing. She has to love me and she has never told me that and it´s what started this whole fight. Say what you want but after I showed her what I´m capable of it still wasn´t enough to hear those simple words."
"Such as?"
"I love you too. And because of that everyone tries to convince me she´s an obsession and that I need to have her because..."
"Yes?"
"I don´t wanna be alone. I´ve felt so lonely for years even if there´s someone else to tell me it´s okay."
"And that´s exactly what I´m struggling to tell you! We all love you when in fact you react in a whole other way."
"I suppose it doesn´t make any sense to tell you what actually happened back in Las Pegasus."
"You and Blak?"
"Yeah; I let him do things to me, nasty things. And I liked them. I just gave in let him pleasure me because I liked the way it felt."
Pete sell silent for a moment, "Well, creatures do crazy things when they´re too drunk."
I nodded, "No, I was well aware of what I was doing and I´m not ashamed to say it."
"So that means you´re allowed to like both?"
I assented.
"I realized you were special but not THAT special."
"Anyway, it was something like pitty sex because I needed to feel and not as if I had no soul."
"But that´s logical, you´re a demon!"
"And I don´t wanna be."
My body was beginning to get warmer and the chills muted me for a while.
"Are you alright?" said Pete. "Do you need anything, an exorcist maybe?"
"Damn, no..."
"Okay then, little buddy. You just hang in there and keep on fighting cuz I miss that strange sense of humor you got."
"Oh, great, now you´re making fun of me."
"No, I´m just try to make you laugh, they say it helps."
"I´m not accustomed to smile that often," I said while I coughed.
"Chicks like that too! Come on, do it, do it for your lil´Uncle Pete."
"What, no?"
"Come on!" he said. "You can think about me and all of those times you called me a bird brain!"
I tried to contain the laughter.
"See, I told you it work! Now repeat after me, I´m not dying...I´m just becoming stronger."
"I´m becoming stronger."
"And cuter."
"But I already am."
"You can always become cuter."
"And cuter, and smarter and more beautiful, inside and out."
My eyes felt swollen and heavy but it didn´t matter anyway because someone was protecting me all the way. I am so lucky.
Help me mitigate this pain, that's all I ask for.
Those were the last before I fell unconscious and into the hooves of the specialists. I remember having shed a tear or two.
Images of Evening Sky flashed before my eyes; her sweet childish laughter filled the scene.
"Come," she said, "take my hoof and follow me."
"No," I said hesitating, "you're free to go, you don't have to be with me."
"Why not? You really are amazing."
"I'll just end up hurting you like I had with others..."
"But you can't avoid that, I am stronger than you think."
"You have shown me your true self and I just want you to know that..."
"What?"
I woke up after the effects of the anesthesia startled and confused. I tried to speak but it seemed even worse than before, in fact I wasn't allowed to speak at all. My only assistant was Rosie May writing down almost everything I thought of. That would be going on for about two weeks.
In the end one morning Evie did come to see me. She looked incredible; her long, silky , golden mane against the pale sunlight, her bright blue eyes, her graceful silhouette; she looked sad and worried however.
She gave me a warm hug and weeped the lost little girl she was.
"Sweetie, they told me what happened! I'm so sorry, I never knew."
I spoke with some effort, "Don't be sorry...it's not your fault."
"Shhh, don't try to talk too much."
And so I pointed to Rosie May to try to communicate somehow.
"I understand you received my letter."
Evie timidly approached me and read what was in the scroll.
"Oh...yes, I did," she sighed, "it was really touching what you said and I wanted to tell you something else..."
My eyes glowed.
"You see, after I left you to sort things out I returned to finish that film I started with Danube. We talked about the matter. He is a good listener and everything and he said that, that..."
She paused and voice began to tremble and pulled out a handkerchief.
"That you were no good for me but then I asked, how?"
I asked to write down , "Because he's trying to get back together with you that's why I said in my last letter that I wasn't asking for you to love me back."
"No, that's not what I want...I want YOU."
Tears were flowing down my olive green eyes and I tried to say, "That's the problem, everybody wants me but I need to hear the words from you."
"And that is?" she said.
"I, I love you, that's all I ever needed to hear and you never said that."
"Oh..." she said in a lower tone, "but I don't need to tell you that to show you that I really care about you. Do you still have the Magus Card I gave you?"
"Yes."
"I sensed you were in trouble because as others might say, I'm not the kind of girl you think I am."
"And I realized that from the start," I replied.
"When I was younger I was visited by Luna as well. She told I had a special gift; being able to see the present with such clarity. The Cards of Fate can help me too in different ways and this was in particular, the Magus, the one who can balance chaos and harmony and knows thyself so well that there is no space for fear or doubt."
"This is, so..."
"Confusing, I know. I didn't provoke this if that's what you think, I made it more evident. Your ghosts are fears, shadows of doubts, illusions."
"You mean they were never real, none of those sexual encounters were true?"
"Of course they were true; the feelings were real and because your mind is connected to your body it had these consequences. I can see right through you and I agree with loving you just they way you are. I didn't fall in love with the rockstar but the one you've always been."
I began to sob and that's when she comforted me and sat by my side.
"I don't need any pony else but you. Living the life my parents chose for me with a colt I don't love will never make me feel complete because somewhere along the way you would be missing."
"But, you're not afraid to give into me?"
"No, not anymore. Marelyn; I am deeply in love with you."
Rosie May couldn't help sharing her reaction and cried, "Oh goodness, pardon me but this just so beautiful for words!"
"I don't wanna leave you ever again," said Evie.
"Me neither."
She remained and rested by my side for the rest of the afternoon. Pete said it was the nicest get well present I could ever receive. He wasn't too happy with the idea but yes that I was smiling again and that was enough.
As well as for those so called ghosts they were gone; I was able to sleep well again; the aftermath was the strangest album that I had conjured. Jayson told me that voice problem could be taken care of with the proper tools that he had available.
As for Blak we, remained close friends. I tried to dig his romantic goth style and I tolerated it but it wasn't comparable to ours. I wanted to remain as the strong one for the ones I loved the most and produce something truly inspiring; a material to provoke, something raw and emotional. I cleverly named it "The Heart of Metal."
END.
