Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub

“Recently,” said Spike, “I went through a few weird changes. I got taller, my voice changed a bit, I got boners randomly, I came in my bed...”

“There’s nothing weird about that. It’s just adolescence,” said Discord.

“Gesundheit.”

“It means you’re getting older,” said Thunderlane.

“Oh. Well, whatever was happening, it was really embarrassing to deal with. Anyway, Twilight thought that, since I’m ‘getting older,’ It would be a good idea to do some kind of bio… something study.”

“Biological?” asked Soarin.

“Yeah, that’s it. Needless to say, I wasn’t really up for it.”

“Let me get this straight,” I said. “You want to look at my junk?”

“Among other things,” she said. “For scientific purposes.”

“Well, I don’t wanna do that. I’m not gonna let you.”

“Come on, Spike. I promise it won’t take long.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Spike, it’s just a few quick measurements and observations.”

“No way in Tartarus.”

“Please, Spike, if you’d only cooperate with me…”

“It’s not going to happen, Twilight.”

She sighed for a moment. “I was afraid you’d say that.” She stood there, ooking at me for a long time, in the slim hope that I would change my mind. Then, something occurred to her. “I’m going to go out for a moment, Spike. I’ll be back shortly.” She left and closed the door.

I sighed, went over to the door and locked it behind Twilight. I finally had some time to myself. I went up to my bedroom to get my, well... ‘reading material.’ I had been keeping it hidden in my bed so Twilight wouldn’t find out. Now that she was out, I could finally read it in peace. Which was good, because I desperately needed to jack off.

I looked through the stack of magazines. Pony Pussy Monthly, Playcolt, a page or two of Equestrian Geographic... I had a lot of it stashed away in my keepsakes box. I flipped through the pages of Playcolt before finally coming across a good picture. A tall, thin mare, in a shallow bathtub, doing a full frontal pose for the photographer. I felt myself getting incredibly hard.

As I kept going through the magazine, I grabbed a hold of my junk and started masturbating. At this point, it had become a habit, the only thing I could do that kept me calm. It just felt so good to let the energy out of my system. I kept going, in a sort of rhythm, and eventually I had gone through Playcolt completely. On to the next magazine. I kept going through that, keeping the rhythm as best as I could, but I finished that quickly too. I went through five magazines and a dozen photos, but it wasn’t enough. I didn’t think it was possible, but my porn collection wasn’t enough for me to finish. I needed something else to keep going.

I put my stash away and searched through the library, still semi-hard and not even half-ready to cum. Twilight must have had some adult books stashed somewhere in the library, right? Well, I found no luck on the library’s shelves, so I headed back upstairs to check under Twilight’s bed. Sure enough, I did find porn... of the male variety. It didn’t feel right, but I was desperate, so I took what I could get.

It felt odd looking at dirty photos of stallions, but I tried as hard as I could to finish with those books. I wasn’t having much luck. I couldn’t get it up again. About halfway through an old issue of Playfilly, I heard the door unlock. I took my hand off my crotch, slowly turned my head and looked at the opening door. Standing in the doorway was Twilight. There was no way to explain this without embarrassing myself.

“Spike, what are you doing with my magazine?”

“I was just… uh… reading this article on the latest trends?”

She levitated the magazine out of my claws, evidently not believing me. “This issue is from four years ago. Spike, were you masturbating to my porn collection?”

I couldn’t keep a straight face. “Maybe?”

“Why? I know you’ve got your own porn.”

I was turning red. “You do?”

“I found your ‘keepsakes box’ while I was cleaning up about a month ago. You’re not very good at hiding things.”

I took a deep breath and explained. “Well, I was using mine, but then I ran out.”

Twilight looked concerned. “You... ran out... of porn?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t finish before I had looked at all of the pages...”

Twilight seemed worried. “I guess it’s a good thing I brought some stimulation along, then.”

“Stim-you-what-now?” I looked behind Twilight. Standing in the doorway, waiting to come in, was Rarity Belle, looking as beautiful as ever. I “Hi, Rarity,” I managed to let out.

“Hello there, Spikey Wikey. Twilight asked me to come over and help out with…” She paused and turned to Twilight. “What was it again?”

“A biological study,” she replied. “Spike is getting older, and I’ve been meaning to document the features of the draconian male in its adolescent stage.”

“Gesundheit, darling. So, what do you need me to do?”

“I’m trying to document all the features of Spike’s body. However, in order to finish doing that, I feel that our little dragon requires a bit of… how shall I put this… encouragement.”

“So you brought me over to… make him horny?”

“Well, he seems to be highly attracted to you in particular, so I figured your help would gather the most efficient results. Also, a few of these tests require an extra pair of hooves, and I know you have an excellent attention to detail.”

“Twilight, I’m flattered, but I don’t know if I’m okay with using Spike like this.”

“We’re not using him, we’re just looking at him to see how he works.”

“Well, if Spike is okay with this, then I won’t mind. Do you mind us doing this, Spike?”

I thought for a split second. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being studied, but if Rarity was involved, I’d be happy to do anything. “I’ll do it,” I said.

“So you had to be coaxed into sex?” asked Big Mac.

“Like I said, it wasn’t exactly sex. Although I got pretty close.”

“So what kind of tests did Twilight run on you?” asked Caramel. “Anything really crazy?”

“I’m getting to that.”

“Alright, Spike,” said Twilight, “put your arms up and stand still, please.”

I did as Twilight said. She came over to me and got out an old measuring tape. measured my height, waist, wingspan, spines, tail and lastly my crotch. It felt weird, having my mom look at my junk. But I suppose it could have been worse.

Rarity observed what Twilight was doing. She took a look below the belt and jumped back a bit. “Oh my stars! Is that normal for him?”

“Yes it is, as far as I know,” said Twilight.

“I can’t believe I never noticed that until now!”

“You didn’t know that dragons were diphallic?”

“Die-what?” I asked, confused.

“Diphallic,” she repeated.

I was worried for a second. “Is that bad?”

“No, it’s just a technical term for the possession of a double-headed reproductive organ.”

I tried to process this. No dice.

Twilight sighed. “It means you have two penises.”

“Oh.” My fear had disappeared into thin air and been replaced by indifference.

“Wait, wait, hold the phone!” interrupted Thunderlane.

“What?”

“You have two dicks?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Thunder was shocked. “How does that work?”

“Are you confused, or are you jealous?” asked Note, smirking. Thunder shot a glare at him while the rest of the table laughed.

“To be fair,” said Discord, “it’s not entirely uncommon for certain species of reptile to be diphallic.”

“Wait,” said Soarin. “How did she not notice that until she checked?”

“A lot of my friends are selectively observant. Speaking of which...”

Twilight measured each of my dicks.

“Let’s see… left, 6.8 centimeters base to tip, flaccid… right, 6.9 centimeters flaccid… width of both is about 1.7 centimeters…

I was feeling really embarrassed. “Twilight, do you have to say the numbers out loud?”

“I’m just making sure I’m getting it correctly. Besides, I’m done measuring you now.”

“You are? You mean I can move again?”

“Nope, still a few measurements to go.”

“But I thought you said you were done measuring me.”

“I am. The rest of these measurements will be taken by Rarity.”

“I suppose it’s my turn then,” said Rarity.

“Yep.” Twilight walked over to Rarity and levitated her a checklist and a pen. “Just take this list of measurements and write them down for me, please.”

“Alright then.” She took the clipboard and the pen with her horn and walked over, putting them gently on the floor. She took the measuring tape Twilight had been using and started measuring, checking for any significant differences with absolute precision. Her approach to the measurements felt a bit more sensual. “Just hold still, Darling.”

“Y-yes, ma’am,” I said, feeling really odd.

She was carefully noting every single detail of my body that she could notice. “A slight length difference on the spines,” she noted, writing down the length of each one. My heart was starting to race. I had never been felt up this much by anypony before. I could feel the blood pumping to my dicks. Rarity was a bit taken aback when I got hard, but went on measuring anyway. “Left, 9.1 centimeters base to tip, erect… right, 9.2 centimeters, erect... both around 2.2 centimeters wide. A pretty decent size for someone his age, I’d say.”

I was beginning to blush.

“Well, darling,” Rarity said to Twilight, “I’ve finished the measurements, and my results seem to be lining up with yours fairly well.”

“Okay, that’s good. I’ll need to work out some calculations later.

There was a knock at the door. Twilight went to go get it. On the other side of the door was Applejack.

“Applejack? What are you doing here?”

“I was looking for Caramel,” she said. “He’s been out of the barn for a while and I was wondering if he came here.”

“He left a while ago. You must have passed him.”

“Well, shoot.” She looked over at me and Rarity. “What in blue blazes is going on here?”

“We’re doing a physical study on Spike. Now that he’s getting older, I figured it was about time to see how he worked. I was just writing down some figures for calculation later.”

Applejack took a look at the list of equations that Twilight had written down. “You know, I could probably sort these out for you, if you don’t mind.”

Twilight was surprised. “You know Calculus?”

“Us Apples know our mathematics, Twilight.”

“Wow, Note,” said Thunderlane, “you got a smart girl. Probably smarter than you.”

Note was offended. “I know how to do math. But how do I know you do?”

“Please, gentlecolts,” said Discord, “let’s not turn this evening into any more of a cock measuring competition.”

“Sorry,” the two stallions replied in unison.

“Anyways,” continued Spike, “pretty soon the study got a bit more complicated. They took X-Rays, they measured my heart rate, they tested my speed on a path through Whitetail Woods… by the end of all the tests, I was getting really tired.”

“Well, this has been a really productive day,” said Twilight, happily examining the results of all the tests.

“Are we done yet?” I asked, lying on the floor and drained of energy.

“Almost, Spike. Now, I just need a couple of samples.”

“What kind of samples?”

“Two types. First, we need a blood sample.”

I cringed a bit. I knew that there was no completely painless way to get blood.

“I promise it won’t take long. The more you cooperate, the quicker it will be over with.”

Twilight took out a syringe. I knew that it was coming, so I decided to just sit still and let it happen. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, and now I was ready for pain. Any second now, there would be a sharp metal point sticking into my arm. Or at least I thought so. All I felt was a series of taps. Then, I heard a small snap.

“Is there a problem, Twilight?” I heard Rarity’s voice say.

“The needle can’t get through the scales,” I heard her whisper. “I’ll have to use a thicker one if I want to draw a sample.”

I cringed even more.

“Twilight, you do know he can hear us right now, don’t you?” asked AJ.

“Well unless one of you can think of a more painless way to draw blood, We’re going to need a bigger syringe.”

I was ready before, but now I was getting more and more tense.

“Twilight, can’t you at least give him something to dull the pain?” asked Rarity.

“I’ve tried before. Anesthetics just don’t seem to work on dragons.”

“Well there must be something we can… hold on a moment, Twilight.”

About two seconds later, I felt somepony holding me closely. I didn’t even need to open my eyes to know who it was. I recognized her gentle, ladylike touch. I went from being scared to being happy in the course of about two seconds. She really cared about me. She really liked me. She was touching me, and it felt like magic. I didn’t say a word or even open my eyes. I just let Rarity caress me for half a minute.

“...And that’s the blood sample taken care of,” said Twilight.

“The needle didn’t hurt too badly, did it Spike?” asked Rarity, in a gentle tone of voice.

“What needle?” It was amazing. I hadn’t even felt anything, and yet the syringe had a good 10 milliliters of my blood in it. “Wait, you took the sample already?”

Twilight was amazed that I hadn’t even reacted to the syringe, although I did feel a slight tinge of pain where the needle had been. “You didn’t feel a thing? Wow.” She looked up at Rarity, impressed. “That’s a surprisingly effective technique you used there, Rarity.”

“I was just trying to give Spikey Wikey a little comfort. I know how much needles can hurt.” She continued to nuzzle me. “Just a little reassurance can do wonders.”

“Well, ain’t you just happier than a hog in the mud.” said AJ.

“To be honest, I do enjoy the occasional mud bath...”

“That... wasn’t my point.”

Twilight ignored the conversation and continued talking. “Well, now that the blood sample is done, now comes the fun part.”

“Fun part?” asked all three of us in unison.

“Yep. We’re taking a sperm sample.”

I didn’t know how to respond. “You want me to jerk off into a bottle?” I asked.

“Not a bottle, Spike. A beaker. For scientific purposes.”

At this point, I just wanted to get the test over with. So, I took the two beakers she had given me and I started going to work. “You might want to give me some space.”

Everypony else stepped back and I got a firm grip on both of them. Then I started jerking up and own on them as fast as my arms would let me, expecting a gigantic shot at any moment.

I kept going and going, but my dicks just weren’t cooperating. I tried for more than ten minutes to get myself up. No matter how much I jacked, or how many explicit photos I pictured in my head, or how hard and fast I kept jerking myself off, I wasn’t getting any kind of results. Eventually, My arms got too tired to even move anymore. I just couldn’t do it.

“Spike, what’s wrong?” asked Twilight.

I was too worn out to even respond properly. “Can’t… feel… arms…” I managed. “Help… me...”

The mares all looked really concerned. I couldn’t masturbate normally anymore, and I had almost broken my arm doing it.

“This ain’t good,” pointed out AJ.

“Poor little guy is exhausted,” said Twilight, getting worried. “I don’t think he’ll be able to move for a while.”

“Well, what do we do now? We have to get a semen sample, but if he moves those arms anymore, he’ll sprain something.”

I looked over at Rarity and our eyes met. I felt like I was going to black out, but I could still see the look of worry on her face. That look of worry soon changed into determination. “Stand back, girls, I’ll handle this.” She walked up to me and faced me head on.

“Rarity, what in tarnation do you think you’re doing?”

“Something that I’m guessing Spike has wanted me to do for a long time.”

She sat down, took her hooves, and starting massaging my junk. It felt really relaxing and incredible. She soon started speeding up, just enough to work her magic. Before my eyes, I found myself getting erect again. I was so happy I could sing. Instead, though, I just let the moment continue.

She kept up the perfect pace, and not only that, but she decided to give me a little more ‘stimulation.’ She put her muzzle up to my balls and started fondling them slightly. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt, up until she decided to go one step further. I could feel her tongue, gently licking my crotch like a popsicle.

It was the final weight that tipped the scale. I could feel a tingle in my nuts and finally…

Squirt!

I shot my load all over everything in front of me, including not only the beakers, but a good part of the floor and Rarity’s face and mane. Through some kind of miracle, I was awake long enough to keep talking. “Sorry, Rarity,” I said.

“It’s quite alright, Spike. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to wash semen out of my mane.”

I couldn’t believe what had just happened. The mare of my dreams had just given me a hoofjob, and on top of that, licked my nuts, of her own free will. “Thank you,” I said.

She smiled at me. That was the last thing I saw before I blacked out.

“So that was as far as you got?” asked Caramel. “A hoofjob and a ball-licking?”

“I guess everyone has to start somewhere,” said Noteworthy.

“That’s actually pretty close to sex,” pointed out Mac.

“It could have easily been sex if she hadn’t stopped at the ball-licking,” said Spike. “But later on, when I woke up, we started talking.”

“I still can’t believe you went out of your way to do that,” I told her.

“Oh, that was nothing, Spike,” Rarity said. “I was just… helping you out.”

I was a little put-down. “It didn’t feel like nothing to me.”

“Oh, Spike. I’m glad you enjoyed it, but I was just trying to help you, nothing more.”

“But it felt so amazing. And you didn’t have to do it, but you did!”

“Spike, I’m sorry to tell you this, but, I’ve done this so many times, with so many stallions, that it just doesn’t feel special to me anymore. Although, if it makes you feel better, this is the first time I’ve had to work with two penises at once…”

“So I don’t mean anything to you? I’m just another guy for you to jerk off?”

“I’m not saying that. You are special to me. It’s just… I’m not ready to go any farther than that. Not with you. At least, not yet.”

“Why not?”

Rarity sighed. “Spike, you have to understand something. Sex is the last thing I do when dating. If a stallion ever sees me it bed, it will be the last time we ever see each other, unless I’m sure I want to be with him.”

“Well, can’t you at let me have sex with you?”

“That’s the thing. I’m not sure about you just yet. I do like you, but you’re still so young. I can’t make a decision until I can think of you as a real adult.”

“But when will you make a decision?”

“Don’t worry about it, Spike. Even if things don’t work out between us, I’m sure a nice dragon like you could easily find a good mare. Besides, at least you’ll always have something to remember me by.”

I looked at her and smiled. Maybe I wasn’t the one for her, or maybe I was. Whatever the case, I had something to look forward to. We shared a hug and then Rarity went on her way.

“Goodbye, Twilight!” she said as she walked out.

“It’s getting late,” pointed out AJ. “I should probably get going too. So long, Twi.”

“Bye girls,” said Twilight. “Thanks for all of your help!”

AJ and Rarity were gone, Twilight was busy putting together her report, and I was feeling like a champ. I hadn’t technically had sex, but at least I had a guarantee that I would soon enough. Plus, I had helped out Twilight, which meant that pretty soon she would thank me with ice cream and brownies, like she usually did after I helped her out with a big project.

I was just about ready for bed, but Twilight stopped me for a minute. “Hold on Spike. I wanted to talk to you before you went to bed.”

“About what?”

“I just wanted to thank you for putting up with me today. I know I don’t say it much, but… I’m glad you’re always there for me.”

“Thanks, Twi. That’s why I’m here.” I turned to go to bed, but Twilight wasn’t done yet.

“One more thing. I… probably should have told you this earlier, but I guess I never felt ready to tell you. I’m not lying to you anymore, you deserve to know the truth.”

“The truth about what?”

She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Spike… you weren’t adopted. You’re my son.”

I had heard this before, but for her sake I pretended to act shocked. “I am?”

“I know you’re surprised, but… it’s true. You were an accident that I had during school.”

“I can’t believe it.” I totally did believe it.

“I never told anyone because I was afraid of getting in trouble.The only other ponies in Equestria who know are Caramel, my brother and the other princesses. I never told you because I didn’t want you to think badly of me.”

“Why would I think badly of you? You’re my mom, and you take care of me like it. That’s the nicest thing anypony has ever done for me.”

Twilight raised a brow and smirked. “Even including Rarity’s little gift to you?”

“Eh, that was just her trying to help. You? You devoted part of your life to me. If that isn’t being nice, I don’t know what is.”

She started to tear up a bit. “I love you, Spike.”

“I love you too, mom.” We hugged each other and I went off to bed to get some rest. After such a long day, I was going to need as much sleep as I could get.

“Good night, Spike.”

“Twilight?”

“Yes?”

“In your next letter to the princess, do you think you could tell her that I ‘got lucky?’ You know, just to let her know I’m growing up?”

Twilight was confused, but she didn’t pay it much mind. “I’ll see what I can do about that.”

“So, that’s the story. I didn’t get laid, but I got really, really close,” said Spike, finally finishing up his story.

The rest of the table applauded Spike. He had gotten pretty far for someone his age.

“Nice work there, little guy,” said Noteworthy.

“Really nice work,” added Thunderlane.

Spike blushed. “Thanks. I know it wasn’t much, but, well, you know, Sometimes life is weird.”

“Okay, if I’m right, then we have just one story left,” said Caramel.

All eyes turned to Discord, who was nursing his malt liquor. He looked at the collection of ponies staring at him. “What?” he asked. “Is there something on my face?”

Everypony else stared expectantly at him. He knew what they wanted, and they knew it.

“Well? Is somepony going to explain this to me?”

The table was getting impatient. Discord knew that eventually he was going to have to tell them about the time that he-

“HEY! Don’t give away the surprise!”

Oh, is this the way you’re going to play, Discord? Do you have something to say to me?

“I do, as a matter of fact. You haven’t said a helpful word all night! We’ve just been sitting down here for what feels like months, and you’ve done nothing but embarrass us!”

“Who are you talking to?” asked Soarin.

“Be quiet, Soarin. This is between me and the narrator.”

Look, stop acting so immature and just tell the story.

“And what if i don’t want to tell the story?”

Then I write you out of the story.

Discord sighed. “Fine. You win.”

That’s what I though. Discord finished off his drink and began to tell his tale. A tale of romance, lust, lies, power, defense, and absolute chaos of the highest degree. Truly his tale would top them all. It had to. Nothing else could compare to-

“Look, Motor Mouth, do you want me to tell the damn story or not?”

...Sorry. Go ahead.

“Thank you.” Discord cleared his throat, ignoring the confused looks from his fellow attendees. “My story is going to be a pretty long one. It’s a tale that concerns all of Equestria. I suggest that if you want to hear the good parts, you had better pay attention. Let me start from the beginning.”