Shocking but True Tales from the Brass Pony Pub

It was another perfectly normal day in Ponyville. The sun was out, the grass was green, the birds were singing, and I was struggling to get out of bed.

I was awake, but not quite ready to get up yet. I just stared at the floor below me, wondering to myself what would be the right time to drop down from my upside-down hammock of a bed. I was just starting to settle back in when suddenly my stomach began to rumble. I figured it was as good a time as any to get up. No matter how hard I try, I can never conjure up anything that tastes better than Fluttershy’s breakfast.

I dropped from the ceiling and went to go prepare for the day. I started by cleaning out my eyes and then proceeded to head for the bathroom so I could take a shower. As soon as I tried to open the door, though-

“Occupied!” shrieked Fluttershy, mane dripping wet and caught without a towel.

I quickly turned around and slammed the door. This was the fifth time this month I had caught her in the bathroom. I really should have learned to knock. Or maybe I was just curious.

Mac glared at Discord. He wasn’t the type to yell at ponies, but he did have somewhat of a short fuse.

“Oh, like she doesn’t walk around naked half of the time anyway.”

Note took the opportunity to chime in. “I think you might want to just move on before Mac gets really angry at you.”

“Fine. I’m sorry. I apologize to your beautiful wife.”

Mac was slightly less upset now, but he kept his eyes on Discord.

Anyway, later we both went downstairs to have breakfast. there was an uncomfortably long silence at the table. Neither one of us was quite ready to talk casually. I was too embarrassed and Fluttershy, well... wasn’t in the mood.

I attempted to break the silence. “I really like the pancakes. What did you put in them?”

Fluttershy just sat and studied her plate. She had barely touched her food.

“...nice weather we’re having?”

Still no answer.

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened earlier. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I understand if you’re upset about-”

“I’m not upset about that,” she answered in her normal, quiet voice.

“Then why are you upset? Is it because it’s happened twenty five times already?”

“No.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Discord… I think we need to talk.”

“About what?”

“About... you. Staying here.”

I sighed. “I figured this would happen eventually.” I conjured up a suitcase and a Haywaiian shirt, suspecting I would need to relocate soon. “So, when do you plan on kicking me out? A week? Tomorrow?”

“I’m not kicking you out,” she responded. “I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just that... you know you can’t live here forever, right?”

“I know that. But honestly, where else am I supposed to go? I can’t exactly walk into town and look for a house. No one around here trusts me, not even your friends.”

“I’d be happy to help you out.”

“Because they’d just automatically trust me if you were around?”

“They just need to get used to you, is all. I need to go get some things from the store, so... maybe you could come with me?”

I registered this for a moment. “Fine. But I don’t want anyone thinking-”

“They won’t, don’t worry. The whole town knows that I’m with Mac now.”

Discord turned to Mac again. “May I take this opportunity to say that you are a very lucky and handsome young stallion to have such a kind and beautiful wife who-”

“Drop it,” said Mac, unamused.

Discord backed off, slightly intimidated. “Okay, fine, whatever you say.”

Heads were turning from around every corner as Fluttershy and I walked through town together. I had figured this would happen. Whenever I go outside, I attract attention like a magnet.

“They’re all staring at me,” I said, sprouting a second head, “like I’ve got two heads or something.”

“Don’t mind them, they don’t know you like I do.”

“You’re right,” said my two heads as they were transformed back into one. “Maybe I just need to pull myself together.”

“Just keep an eye out for the market.”

I complied.

“Not literally, though. You’re attracting enough attention as it is.”

“Got it,” I said, putting my eyeball back in.

Before we got to the market, we ran into another unusual sight: a purple unicorn with wings, accompanied by a small purple dragon. “Hi, Twilight.”

“Oh, hey Fluttershy.” She looked up. “Discord.”

“Princess Twilight.” I had tried to be courteous to the towns-ponies, but I had a little grudge against the mare who had turned me into stone, and while I looked completely ridiculous at that.

“No offense, Caramel.”

“None taken,” the pony replied, frankly.

The young dragon was not happy, however. “A-hem.”

“Or to you, Spike,” said Discord.

“Thank you.”

“How are the wings treating you?”

“They’re fine.”

“And yet you are not.”

“I have good reason not to be.”

“Twilight,” whispered Fluttershy, “be nice. He’s trying to get along.”

“You’ll have to pardon me,” she whispered back, “but I don’t like the idea of the god of chaos walking around town like there’s nothing wrong.”

“I can hear you two, you know,” I interrupted. “And here I thought princesses were supposed to be nice and lady-like.”

“You want Twilight acting like a lady? Good luck with that,” interjected the dragon

“Quiet, Spike.”

I turned my attention to the young drake. “So, you must be Spike. What’s a noble dragon like you doing working as the princess’ underling?”

“She’s my mom.”

“Oh. My my, Twilight. I had no idea you were like that.”

Twilight suddenly looked embarrassed. “He means he’s adopted.” She shot the young dragon a look. “Don’t you, Spike?”

“Uh...” before he could answer, Spike coughed up a scroll.

I was a bit surprised by what just happened. “Isn’t that painful?”

“Sometimes.”

“What is it?” asked Fluttershy.

Twilight picked up the scroll and began to read it.

My Dearest Student Twilight,

I am currently dealing with an incredibly complex issue here in Canterlot. I do not wish to cause alarm, but I require the help of the elements of harmony.

Please let all of your best friends know. This does include Spike. Also, make sure that Fluttershy brings Discord along. I have a feeling that he could be very helpful. Transportation for the eight of you has been arranged. I will provide further details when you come to Canterlot.

Sincerely, Princess Celestia

“I wonder what the problem is?” thought Twilight. “We had better tell the others.”

“Wait, the princess wants me to come to Canterlot?” I was confused. I was pretty sure that Celestia still had a grudge against me, even after my reformation.

“I’m sure I don’t know why. But the quicker we get through this, the quicker you get to not have to deal with me.”

“Thank goodness for small miracles.”

“Discord,” whispered Fluttershy, “be nice.” She turned to Twilight and spoke more clearly. “We’ll go get Pinkie and AJ. You go find Dash and Rarity, and we’ll meet up with you and Spike.”

“Sounds like a plan. Come on, Spike. We’ve got work to do.”

“And this changes what, exactly?” asked Spike, rolling his eyes.

“I like this kid,” I said aside to Fluttershy.

Twilight simply walked off, followed by Spike. She was evidently too busy to let me distract her from her royal responsibilities.

“We had better go find AJ and Pinkie, then. Come on, Discord.”

“Why do I have to go?”

“Even if it weren’t a royal decree, I wouldn’t leave you at home. With no one around, you’d just get bored anyway.”

I thought about this for a moment and then sghed. She was right. I hate when that happens. “Fine, but this had better not take too long.”

“How long did it take?” asked Note.

“The train ride alone took four or five hours. I volunteered to teleport them all to Canterlot, but shock of all shocks, nopony trusted me to do that.”

“To be fair, you weren’t exactly much help when those vines from the Everfree forest started invading,” said Spike.

“Well, maybe the reason I didn’t help is because nopony appreciated my help.”

“Because you didn’t give us any!”

“I guided you in the right direction, didn’t I?”

“But half of the time you just sat around doing nothing!”

Big Mac slammed his hooves on the table. “We can discuss this later. Right now, though, I want to hear this story.”

“Thank you, Mac. Where was I?”

Our train pulled into the station at Canterlot. The door opened, letting out the passengers, which included six spirits of harmony, one young dragon and one very bored god of chaos. “Stupid conductor, not letting me go up on the roof.”

“Sorry to disappoint you,” said Twilight, “but being a member of society means you have to follow certain rules.”

“Well, then being a member of society sucks.”

We made our way to the Royal Castle, gathering a lot of attention as we walked past the downtown shops. When we finally got to the castle, we were greeted by a familiar face: the face of Prince Shining Armor.

“Twilight! I’m glad you could make it. We are really in over our heads right here.”

“We’ve got to stop meeting for official business. Where’s Cadence?”

“She’s inside, with Celestia and Luna.”

Twilight ran inside to greet her old foal-sitter in the customary fashion, quickly followed by Shining and the rest of her friends, plus me of course.

“I’m very glad you could all come,” Celestia announced, after Cadence and Twilight had finished their little ‘ladybugs awake’ number.

“If you don’t mind my asking, princess,” asked Applejack, curious as to what the problem was, “what are we doing here?”

“I have called you all to the castle because I am trying to hold negotiations with another royal. However, despite the best efforts of me, my sister, my niece, and her husband, we have not had much success.”

“Who are we negotiating with, exactly?” asked Rainbow Dash, eager to get on with whatever was needed of her.

“I assume you... remember the royal wedding...”

A dead silence fell across the hall. If you listened closely, you could hear the sound of glass breaking over in the royal kitchen.

“Royal wedding? What happened?” I asked. I was probably the only being in the world who hadn’t heard about the incident at the castle. I had been locked up after my last statue-ing.

“Long story short...” explained Fluttershy, gulping slightly, “ch-changeling invasion.”

The door the the royal hall opened wide, with a dark and gloomy figure standing behind a faint glow of light. The figure walked forward, slowly revealing a pair of long, jet black legs with holes in them, a pair of insectoid wings, and a female face that bore fangs, dragon-like eyes, and a jagged horn, topped by a small crown.

“Queen Chrysalis,” said Celestia, tactfully.

“Princesses. Prince.” The changeling queen looked to her side and discovered the elements of harmony, standing and staring blankly. “I see you’ve brought backup. Typical princess, always calling for help when you could easily take care of the problem yourself. Or are you not as strong as I’ve been led to believe?”

“I’m not as young as I used to be.”

“So you call upon six ponies, a dragon, and...” she paused when she got to me. “Whatever that is supposed to be.”

I had only seen the queen for about thirty seconds total and already I was beginning to suspect that her mouth was making claims that the rest of her couldn’t back up. “I’m a draconequus. But you can call me Discord.”

She seemed impressed. “Ah! Discord, the god of chaos. I’ve heard tales about you and your work. Societies, nearly torn apart. Entire nations, turned completely upside down. How is it that you are now working for the very royal family that you were trying to overthrow?”

“Long story short: these six,” I answered, pointing out the ponies standing near me. “Particularly the yellow one.”

“Sad.”

“You wish.”

Desperately looking for a way out of the awkward situation, Celestia noticed that it was getting late. “How about we get some rest and pick up this conversation tomorrow?”

“We’ll need to assign rooms to the guests, sister,” pointed out Luna.

“They’re smart enough, they can figure out who will go where. Good evening.”

The Canterlot Royals trotted off, leaving their guests to sort out the problem for themselves. I’m guessing the Princess hoped that a sound night’s sleep would clear out everypony’s heads.

Spike was holding a floor plan that Celestia had tossed at him “All right, There are seven rooms, Each room has one bathroom, and only one of them has two beds. There are nine of us, so four of us will have to share a bed. Anypony who has a problem with that, speak up now.”

“I’m... already sharing a bed, ” said Pinkie, pointing to her ballooned belly.

“Say no more.” Spike took out a pen and assigned Pinkie to a single room.

“I’ll be happy to share a bed,” said Rarity. “It’s the least I can do for a fellow guest.”

Spike’s eyes got wide. “I’d be happy to share a room as well.”

“Hold it, Casanova,” said Twilight. “I want to keep an eye on you two.” Spike reluctantly assigned the three of them to the room with two beds, putting himself and Rarity together but also putting Twilight adjacent to the two of them.

“Anypony else?”

“I need privacy when I sleep.” Spike assigned AJ to a single room.

“I snore. I wouldn’t want to wake anypony up.” Spike put Dash in the furthest room away from the royal hall. There were two rooms and two beds left.

“Looks like I’ll be sharing a bed with Fluttershy, then,” I butted in.

“Actually,” said Fluttershy, “I think you should share a room with somepony else.”

“But there’s nopony else to share a room with.”

“What about Chrysalis?”

“Look, not to judge your methods, but that is a terrible idea.”

“You could make friends with her.”

“Unlikely,” interrupted the Changeling Queen.

“Can’t you just give her a chance?”

“Look, Fluttershy, I...” I stopped cold. Fluttershy had put on the cute face. “Oh, don’t pull that...” She continued staring at me with the most pleasant expression she could make. “Fluttershy, please don’t make me...” I couldn’t take it anymore. There was no arguing with the cute face. “Ugh. Fine, me and Cheese-Legs will share a room. Happy?”

“Yes. I’m sure you’ll get along just fine.”

Spike reluctantly put Fluttershy in a single room and me and Chrysalis together in the last remaining guest room. “Okay, everypony has a room. We’ll meet up again in the morning.”

I walked off to my room with Chrysalis. Neither one of us said a word, and neither of us was looking forward to this.

“So Fluttershy set you up with the Queen of the Changelings?” asked Thunderlane.

“Well, not exactly set up. She wanted us to be friends.”

“Even though the odds of that happening were pretty much slim to none,” said Soarin.

“Fluttershy is usually rather optimistic when it comes to other living creatures.”

“How did the first night go?” asked Caramel.

“The first night was rather eventful, to say the least. We mostly stayed out of each other’s way. but then came the time to actually get to bed. That’s when things got out of control.”

“Just so you know,” I said. “I have a habit of hogging the covers.”

She glared at me. “And I have a habit of imprisoning creatures like you in cocoons and sucking the life force out of them,” she retorted.

“Rest assured, ma’am, there is no creature in all of Equestria that is like me.”

“I would prefer if you referred to me as ‘Your Majesty,’ thank you.” I grimaced at her. I can’t stand ponies who try to act ‘royal.’

“You’re my pain in the neck is what you are,” I muttered, adjusting my crooked neck.

“How do you even look at yourself in the mirror? You’re the god of chaos and yet, you’re being bossed around by a little yellow puffball.”

I took offense. I may not be completely reformed, but nopony picks on Fluttershy without hearing from me. “For your information, that little yellow puffball happens to be a good friend of mine. Maybe you should try getting one sometime.”

“Oh, and where am I going to start? You? Don’t make me laugh.”

“I wish I could make you just zip your lip for a moment. Oh wait.” I produced a zipper over the changeling queen’s mouth and zipped it shut. “I can.”

Chrysalis angrily unzipped her lip. “Your parlor tricks won’t do you any good, you miserable freak of nature.”

“At least my tricks aren’t limited to impersonations.” I transformed into Chrysalis. “Oh look at me, I’m queen of the changelings and I’m uptight because I’m trying to reinforce my superiority despite the fact that my race is on its last legs!”

Chrysalis, getting furious, transformed into me. “And I’m Discord! I’m a loudmouth who plays fast and loose with reality because I have nothing better to do than waste ponies’ time and be an overconfident jerk!”

“At least I’ve got a friend!”

“At least I’m not a wuss!”

I transformed back into myself. I could feel my blood starting to simmer. “I’m not a wuss. I’m just accepting the fact that I made a mistake! Maybe you wouldn’t be so hated if you did the same thing!”

Chrysalis changed back as well. “I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t you just go and marry that friend of yours if she means so bloody much to you?”

“A, because she’s already taken. B, because even if she wasn’t, that’s not the point!”

“And what is the point? That you’re the world’s biggest wimp?”

“You know, you’d think a creature that feeds on love would be less of a jerk!”

“You’d think that the god of chaos would be able to do the unexpected: shut up!”

“Maybe you should shut up!”

“Maybe you should make me!”

I was feeling ready to blow. “Fine! You want something unexpected?” I grabbed her and brought her face close to my face. “Here you go!” In a fit of anger, I kissed her. Not just a peck on the cheek, either. A long, drawn-out kiss, full on the lips. After it was over, Chrysalis was speechless. She didn’t know what had happened. I dropped her to the ground, still mad at her. “Do you have anything smart to say now?”

The Changeling Queen paused for a moment. “No, I don’t.” She took me by the shoulders, and despite everything I had said to her, she kissed me in return. Suddenly, I wasn’t angry anymore. Her kiss actually felt… nice. I didn’t know how to respond.

The rest of the table was dumbstruck. “You went from hating each other to making out... in ten seconds?” asked Thunderlane.

“That seems really unlikely…” said Note.

“Sometimes life is surprising,” said Discord. “To be honest, we were both shocked. I never thought that I’d be able to even tolerate her, but despite my rage, she saw something in me, and I saw something in her.”

“I don’t understand,” I said. “I thought you hated me.”

“I did,” Chrysalis told me. “But something about you just… feels right.”

“Even after everything I said…” Whatever contempt I had had for her was gone and replaced by relief that she no longer hated me. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was just… upset.”

“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have yelled at you either. After all, we’ve only just met.”

“So, do you think we should start over, or-?”

“Shut up and kiss me again.” She leaned in for another kiss, but I restrained her.

“Wait. Not in here. We should go somewhere more private.”

“Where?”

“Hold on.” I snapped my fingers and before Chrysalis knew it, we were surrounded by trees, and a magnificent variety of flowers. “Welcome to the Canterlot Gardens. The most romantic spot in the city.”

“It feels... nice out here.”

“It’s about to feel a lot nicer.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look, we both know where this is going. I figure if it’s going to happen, We might as well make it interesting.” I increased my heart-rate ten fold, and my penis started to get stiff as a board. Not to toot my own horn, but Chrysalis was speechless, probably from the sheer size of my endowments. “Now, which would you prefer: Behind, Below, or both?”

“How can you do both?”

“I’ll show you.” I went up to Chrysalis and opened up her pussy, lubing it with my tongue so that the insertion wouldn’t be too uncomfortable. I then proceeded to do the same to her anus, making sure both times to lick hard and deep.

Chrysalis was enjoying herself, but I could tell she wanted more. “Was that it?”

“No. Now comes the fun part.” Before her eyes, I magically sprouted another penis, except this one was prehensile. “Let me know if it’s too much.”

I put myself and Chrysalis in a different position and performed the double insertion, putting my upper cock into her vagina and reaching my prehensile cock around into her ass. I began thrusting deep and hard into the changeling queen, who was admiring the sensation of my balls tapping against her pelvic area.

“Are you doing alright down there?” I asked.

“Just... keep... going. This... is.. perfect!” We were amazed at each other’s capabilities. Chrysalis was enjoying herself, but felt like she wasn’t doing enough. She got a new idea. “How sensitive are you?”

“I’m pretty resilient. Why?”

“Because I’ve got something I want to try.” She took her hoof and made her way down to my tail. She felt around and found what she was looking for.

“What exactly are you-”

She jammed her hooves inside my asshole. I was taken by surprise and almost let out a high note that would have woken up everyone in the castle. But I kept thrusting and Chrysalis reached deeper and deeper into my digestive tract. I could feel her hole-filled limbs inside me.

I decided to go the extra mile and give Chrysalis something truly amazing. I extended my prehesile penis, making sure to navigate my way carefully through the intestines, stomach, and up her throat. Chrysalis couldn’t believe her eyes when she felt and saw the tip of my cock sticking out of her mouth and now pointed towards her face. She decided to one-up me and use her snake-like tongue to finish jerking me.

I felt myself softening up more and more, until...

*SQUIRT*

Both of my penii ejaculated at the same time, one running inside the mare, the other coating her face and giving her a taste of my personal fluids. I reverted my appearance back to normal and Chrysalis removed her limbs from my ass.

It was an experience like none she had ever had before.

The rest of the table wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or feel shocked. They weren’t sure that it would be possible to top the sex in Caramel’s story, but somehow it had happened.

Note broke the silence. “Wow.”

“I wasn’t sure if I would ever that chance again,” said Discord. “Whenever I have sex, I give it my all and make it interesting. Even if I never saw her again, I wanted something for us to remember.”

“I’d certainly remember that,” said Caramel.

“You’re not the only ones who were shocked.”

“I had no idea that you could do that...” Chrysalis panted.

“Well, I had a bit of practice.”

“With whom?”

“I’d... rather not say.” I said, rubbing my sore ass. “Ouch. I’m going to be walking funny in the morning. “

Chrysalis started to look worried. “Discord... could you please do me a favor?”

“What is it?”

“Whatever you do, do not tell anypony what just happened. If they find out I’ve been sleeping with you, the negotiations will fail miserably. Now matter how much you please me, I cannot let down my race.”

I realized that if word got out, Chrysalis wouldn’t be the only one in trouble. I was supposed to be reformed, and yet here I was conspiring with the enemy, as if the princesses and the other protectors of Equestria didn’t trust me enough already. “Agreed. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

Chrysalis got over her sense of dread and sampled the ejaculate on her coat. “You know, this sticky fluid tastes oddly sugary.”

“Must have been the pancakes I had this morning. I use a lot of syrup.”

“It’s a rather pleasing taste.”

“Thank you, I guess.” I then noticed that a few lights over at the Castle were turning on. “We had better get back soon. They might think something’s wrong.”

“But won’t they see us together?”

I heard a familiar voice. “Discord, are you out here? Everyone’s worried about you...”

“Oh crap, it’s Fluttershy,” I whispered under my breath. I turned to Chrysalis and hid her over in the trees temporarily. “I’ll teleport you back to the room. Get cleaned up, and I’ll meet you back up there in a minute.” She nodded. I snapped my fingers, and Chrysalis teleported off.

“Who were you talking to?” said an all too familiar voice. I whipped around to see my best friend standing behind me.

“I was just, um... admiring the beautiful garden.”

“You could have done that in the morning, you know.”

“Yes, but it’s so blissful- er, peaceful here at night.”

“I thought you were going to spend the night with Chrysalis.”

“Well, I did, but things got a little bit out of hoof...”

“Were you... arguing?”

“What? No! Well... maybe a bit at first, but then we discussed it and we’re all good now. I just came inside- I mean, outside to get some fresh air.”

“Discord...” she gently asked, “were you masturbating?”

I felt drained. “What? I... whatever gave you that idea?”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s perfectly natural for everypony to do it.”

“But... I...” I stopped cold. I had an opportunity for an alibi. I figured I had better take it, lest I cause more problems by confessing so soon. “Alright, you caught me. I was masturbating out here so I wouldn’t bother anypony else. I’m sorry I worried you.”

“It’s no problem. Just warn me next time, alright?”

“Alright. Please don’t tell anypony.”

“My lips are sealed. Come on, we had better get back before everypony starts worrying about me, too.”

“We headed back to the castle, but when I got into my room, Chrysalis wasn’t there. I was starting to panic. She came around two minutes later, dripping wet and acting all shook up. I must have teleported her into the wrong room.”

Spike suddenly realized something. “So that’s why Twilight was acting so antsy when I found her…”

The rest of the table turned its attention to Spike. “What happened?” asked Soarin.

“Well…”

Twilight had walked out of the room for a couple minutes to go check on her brother and her sister-in-law. I thought that Rarity and I could spend some time alone, so we started making pillow talk. Five minutes passed. Just when I felt ready to start snuggling her, I heard something crashing down in the bathroom and went to go check it out. I knocked first, though.

“Hello? Is anypony is there?”I asked. I heard a lot more crashing. “Twilight? Are you in there?” I then heard a weird magic sound. I decided to just open the door and see what was up. What I found was a mare who, at the time, I thought was Twilight, stuck in the bathtub, covered by a displaced shower curtain and coated in a mixture of water and ejaculate.

She screamed. “You should knock before you come in!”

I was confused. “I… did knock.”

“Oh. Sorry, I… didn’t hear you.”

I ignored this lapse in logic to focus on a more serious one. “Why did you sneak out to teleport into the bathroom instead of just coming in?”

“I… um.. wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Look, I don’t mind you masturbating, but can you not destroy the bathroom in the process?”

“Sorry about that…” She stopped for a moment. “Um…”

I couldn’t believe she had forgotten my name. “Spike. Your son, remember?”

She looked really surprised, but quickly came to. “Oh, right! Sorry, son. Like I said, I’m not thinking straight right now. In fact, I think I might be having a mild panic attack.”

“Maybe you should get to bed…”

“No!” she yelled, before calming down again. “Uh, I mean… not right now, I have to go… do what I was doing before…”

“You mean go see your brother and his wife?”

“Yes. Thanks. I’m sorry to bother you. Love you, Spike.” She got up, kissed me on the cheek and ran out of the bathroom, through the bedroom and into the hallway, still dripping with cum.

“Spike?” asked Rarity.

“Yes?” I responded.

“Why was Twilight in the bathroom and covered in…”

“I don’t know. I think she hit her head or something.” We shrugged it off and decided to snuggle a little more. A minute later, during the middle of some pillow talk, Twilight came back.

“I thought you were going to see Cadence and Shining.”

“I… did,” she said, confused.

“Short visit, then.” She got a look on her face that seemed to say ‘eight minutes is short?’

“I guess Discord accidentally transported Chrysalis into our bathroom by accident.”

Discord looked embarrassed. “That’s what I get for winging it, I guess. Whatever happened, Chrysalis and I decided not to talk about it and instead get some sleep. No interaction of any kind, just getting to bed and getting some sleep. The next morning, things weren’t getting any more easy.”

There was a dead silence in the royal dining hall. You could hear the hoofsteps over in the royal kitchen, and everypony was preoccupied with the royal food on the royal table. My thoughts, however, were focused mainly on royal sex in the royal garden. However, I kept my mouth closed in order to avoid being a pain in the royal ass.

I looked over at Chrysalis. She hadn’t spoken to me since last night. No “good morning” or “how are you” or even the one thing I needed to hear from her-

“Are you feeling alright, Discord?” asked the sun princess. I wanted to smack myself. Of all the ponies who could have asked it just HAD to be her.

“Why do you ask, Celestia?”

“Because you’ve been playing with your food for half an hour.”

I looked down at my plate. I had somehow sculpted a functioning castle out of my waffles in a fit of absent-mindedness. “Maybe I just like to be creative. The nerve of you, undermining my creativity like this!”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

Twilight tried to speak to her. “So, how was the room last night?”

She remained silent.

“Well, no complaints,” I answered for the queen.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Twilight replied.

“Well, Chryssi wasn’t talking to you either.”

Twilight was about to reply with something witty but realized something. “‘Chryssi’?”

Oh crap. I was blowing my cover. I had to think of something quick. “I’m sorry, I sneezed.” Smooth, Discord. Real smooth.

I continued to get weird looks. And not the usual kind of weird look either. “Is there something you need to tell us?”

“Oh, absolutely not. Nothing is wrong.”

“Except for the part where we have to negotiate terms with this Queen and her army of drones,” said Applejack, not skipping a beat.

“Why aren’t we taking care of that right now, again?” asked Rainbow Dash.

“It’s a bit early in the morning to discuss politics, isn’t it?” replied Celestia.

“This coming from the Princess of the Sun,” I pointed out.

“You’re not helping, Discord.”

“I never discuss politics on an empty stomach!” said Pinkie Pie.

“Good point. We should at least eat before we start debating terms again.”

“If we can even get that far with the Silent Queen of the Changelings.”

Once again, the queen looked at me.

“What is it with you today? You haven’t said a word this whole time. Have you gone mute? Or did you just not want to socialize today?”

“I have had no reason to,” she muttered.

I gasped in fake shock. “It can talk!”

“Don’t test my patience, Dissy.”

The table turned its attention to the Queen.

“Did you call him ’Dissy’?”asked Rarity

Chrysalis blushed. “I… sneezed. My apologies.”

The situation was getting more and more dangerous. I needed to think. So, I took what was on my plate and dumped it down my throat. “Well, I’m done with breakfast. I’ll be in my room if anypony needs me.” I dashed to the doors and into the hall.

Celestia stood up. “Pardon me a moment,” she said, following after me.

“Wait,” said Noteworthy. “I need to ask you something.”

“What?” asked Discord.

“Why were the negotiations not going so well in the first place? Was Chrysalis asking too much? Was Celestia not offering her enough? What was taking so long?”

“There was a disagreement over whether or not to let the Changelings live in Equestria.”

“Let me guess,” said Soarin. “Celestia didn’t want Changelings walking up and down the streets of Canterlot.”

“No.. Chrysalis didn’t want Changelings walking up and down the streets of Canterlot.”

“What?” asked Thunderlane. “But why not?”

“She was afraid that the citizens of Equestria wouldn’t be so kind to the new arrivals, considering how they were previously treated. She wanted her own section of land to keep her citizens safe.”

The entire table responded almost in unison: “Keep THEM safe?”

“Look, I’m not a political science expert. I don’t know or care how this kind of thing works, and neither does the author.”

Watch it, ‘Dissy.’

“Sorry. Where was I?”

I went back to my room to think things over. I knew I had promised Chrysalis I wouldn’t tell, but was I making things worse for both of us by lying? I knew I should have kept my dick to myself. There was a serious political conflict happening, and here I was making it more complicated than it needed to be. My head was an absolute mess. I needed to talk to somepony. Anypony.

“Discord!” called out a familiar voice. “Open up, it’s Celestia!”

Correction: anypony but her. “Discord isn’t available right now. Please leave your name and number at the beep.” It was a rather slim chance that me being a smart aleck would get her to leave, but it was worth a shot.

“Discord.” She was right behind me. My skeleton nearly jumped out of its skin. I forgot that alicorns could teleport.

“Princess! Does privacy mean nothing to you. I can’t believe you barged in on my. And while I was nude!”

“Discord, we need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk. You can’t make me.” I took my mouth off and stashed it away.

“Discord, please just listen to me…”

I removed my ears as well. Celestia finally just grabbed my face and put my features back. She clearly was not in the mood for joking around.

“Discord, you’ve been acting strange lately. First you argue with our Changeling guest, then you go missing, and now you’re acting squirrely. Something must have happened. You can tell me what it was.”

“Look, Princess, I’m not in the mood to play games.”

“Well, you certainly were in the mood last night.”

Oh, no. She was onto me. ”I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Discord, I may be getting old, but I have not forgotten what sex sounds like. I heard you out in the garden. Be honest with me.”

She had caught wise. There was no getting around the issue now, but I had to stand my ground, for her. “I made a promise not to tell. It would humiliate her in front of the entire city if she was to be revealed.”

“Fair enough, but you can’t hide the truth forever. Especially not from me.”

“I intend to hide it for as long as it can remain hidden.”

Celestia sighed and turned away. “I was afraid of that.” She walked to the door, but stopped halfway. “Out of morbid curiosity, did you perform the double penetration trick on her?”

“...Maybe.”

“I guess you really can’t teach an old draconequus new tricks.”

Spike was confused. “How did she-?”

“We used to date,” replied Discord. “But we broke up about a thousand and two years ago. Right before I took over the world for a brief period of time, before Sunbutt and her sister Moonbutt had me turned to stone.”

Thunderlane raised his almost empty glass to Discord. “I hear you. Dealing with exes is the worst.”

Mac nodded in agreement. “Eeyup.”

Discord continued. “Anyways, after an hour or so, we got together in the royal throne room and discussed terms of peace between the Changelings and the rest of Equestria. Celestia wanted to help integrate the changelings into society, but Chrysalis refused to risk the safety of her subjects. This debate went back and forth multiple times. It was worse than the Pre-Equestrian Shouting Congress.”

“Suppose we do go along with your integration plan. How can you guarantee me that your citizens will not mistreat or attack my subjects?”

“Queen Chrysalis, I understand your concern for safety, but all of Equestria’s land has been settled on. We cannot force ponies out of their homes to build a new kingdom.”

“But I cannot trust your citizens. They fear me. They wish me gone. And they will attack my subjects if they are subjected to this integration plan.”

“My subjects would never harm your subjects without good reason.”

“Liar. Your subjects will shun mine and view them as inferior. We need our own land.”

“Clearly, we are at an impasse,” said Celestia.

“You think?” responded practically everyone in the hall.

“Perhaps you would be more comfortable talking to someone else.”

“Oh, please,” said Chrysalis. “Who could possibly change my mind about this?”

The princess looked at me. I must have had a nervous look on my face because she was grinning. “Discord, please talk to our guest, the queen.”

“WHAT?” yelled everyone.

“You’re letting Discord talk to her? “ asked Rainbow Dash.

“That’s like getting a grumpy dog to talk to an angry cat.” said Applejack, in her infinite southern wisdom.

“I don’t think Discord is quite the negotiating type,” said Rarity.

I figuratively held my tongue. I wanted to respond, but I knew doing so would only convince the princess further.

“Sister,” whispered Luna, “with all due respect, I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Trust me, Luna,” she said, smiling. “I know what I’m doing.”

All eyes were on me. I had to step forward and settle the debate.

“Queen Chrysalis,” I began. “I understand that you are very concerned about… your subjects. To be honest, I think a lot of us are worried about the plan of integration. We don’t know how both sides will react at first. I’ll be honest, it could be bad at first. Sometimes ponies just don’t get along.”

“You’re not helping, Discord,” muttered Twilight, nervously.

“But you shouldn’t rule the plan out entirely. It might be rough at first, but I’m sure that… if the two sides get to know each other a bit better… they could get along quite nicely. Maybe even better than they thought they could.”

Everyone looked at me and Chrysalis. She was biting her lip, thinking of something to say next. “You don’t know that,” she responded. “If this integration plan follows through, we could be back at war within a week. We have no proof that Equestria would not harm the changelings.”

All eyes turned back to me. I was as nervous as I could get. ”I… well…”

Fluttershy, along with everypony else there, was hinging on my every word. “Please, Discord, reason with her,” she said.

Something in my brain just couldn’t function. For the first time in my whole life, I was at a complete loss for words. I wanted to let out the secret. But what if she got mad at me? What if everypony else found out I had been lying? What could I do? “Look, Chrysalis, these ponies aren’t as bad as you think. They mean no harm to you.”

“That didn’t stop them from fighting us during the Canterlot attack.”

“They were simply trying to defend themselves. You attacked them, they were scared and didn’t know what to do.”

“And how can I be sure that that sentiment will not remain if I do not get my new kingdom?”

I couldn’t take any more. I had fought with Chrysalis enough the night before. “Please, don’t make me argue with you.”

“Is that not the point of a negotiation?”

“No! The point of a negotiation is to find a common ground and set aside differences so two different sides can actually work together instead of just arguing!”

“But I cannot trust these ponies!”

“Well, maybe you can just trust me!”

She stopped cold and looked at me. “What do you mean?”

“Last night,” I told her, “when I first met you, I couldn’t stand you. We did almost nothing but bicker and argue. And that was my fault. I let my own arrogance get in the way. But I can’t help that. Sometimes, I judge others unfairly before I get to know them. But last night, we did something incredible. We stopped arguing. We decided to listen to each other and we shared something amazing.. If we, two of the most arrogant creatures on the planet, can learn to stop, listen and understand, then who’s to say no one else can?”

Chrysalis looked at me, straight into my eyes. She was speechless. Any trace of anger she had was suddenly gone. Then, to everyone’s surprise, she started to cry a little. After that, she jumped up and hugged me. I hugged her back.

The rest of the hall was completely shocked. Well, all except for one pony. “I knew it,” said Celestia. “Honestly, I’m surprised that none of you even considered it.”

Twilight was stunned. “You knew about this and you didn’t tell us?”

“I’ve had experience with this kind of thing for a long time. I can tell when two lovers are embarrassed.”

Chrysalis looked at me again, still embracing me.. “Do you really think the ponies will get along with my changelings?”

“If there’s anything that I’ve learned in the past few months, it’s that anything is possible.” We shared a kiss, and the rest of the hall watched. I heard a faint clapping sound, which eventually turned into to clapping sounds, then three and so on until it reached full applause.

After we were done kissing I went up to Fluttershy and immediately began to apologize.

“I know. I shouldn’t have lied to you. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to alarm anyone-”

“It’s okay.”

“...It is?”

“It would be a bit hypocritical of me to lecture you on that kind of thing…”

“Oh. Right. I forgot about that.”

Twilight decided to chime in. “I must admit, despite your recklessness and lying, you did manage to settle an issue that could have gone on for months. Congratulations.”

“That’s probably the nicest thing that you have ever said to me.”

“I’m not sure I trust you completely, but you’re getting closer.”

I smiled. I had done many things that day which I could be proud of, but convincing Twilight, of all ponies, to trust me was my proudest feat. There was just one thing left to settle. “Hey Chrysalis!”

“Yes, Discord?”

“When you find a nice place to live, can I stay with you?”

“I see no reason why not.”

“Woohoo!”

“And that’s my story.”

The table congratulated Discord on a story well done and a night wrapped up. Everyone had finished their drinks, and the bartender came out of the back room.

“Are you guys still down here? We’re about to close up.”

“Really? How long have we been down here?” asked Soarin.

“More than long enough,” said a voice from upstairs. The seven males turned around. It turns out, the voice belonged to Rainbow Dash, who was accompanied by Twilight, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Chrysalis.

“Woah!” said Noteworthy, looking at Chrysalis. “How did I not notice her around before?”

Applejack was not amused. “Ahem.”

“Oh. Uh… Hi girls!” said Note, awkwardly.

“Have you boys been talking amongst yourselves?” asked Rarity.

“We were just… telling stories,” said Big Mac.

“Uh huh. I think I know what those stories were about,” said Twilight.

“What? You’ve never traded stories like that? asked Discord.

“Actually,” said Chrysalis, blushing, “we just did.”

“Yeah. Like when I first met Note, he got all hot and bothered by me,” said Applejack. “And I wanted to tell him he was cute but I was a bit too nervous.”

“AJ…” said Note, blushing.

“Oh, please, like nopony here knows how we met.”

“I thought the story was great!” said Pinkie Pie, chiming in. “I especially liked the parts where I was talking to you because I remember them and so they mean a lot to me and-” Pinkie suddenly got a cramp in her massive belly and stopped bouncing around so much. “Oof. Right. I’ve gotta be careful.”

“How is the little guy treating you?” asked Thunderlane.

“He’s been doing really well. I’m looking forward to finally meeting him.”

“When are you due?” asked Big Mac.

“Not for another four months at least.”

“Well,” said Spike, “since you have time to think about it, maybe you could invite us all over for your shower.”

Pinkie gasped with excitement. “That’s a great idea! We can hold it here! Note can play music, everyone can talk and have a good time and play party games and-”

“Whoa, slow down Pinkie,” said Thunderlane, interrupting. “If you talk too much you’ll get sick again.”

“Oh yeah. I guess we’ll figure it out when the time comes.”

The bartender looked at the lot of them. “Speaking of the time, I’ve got to close up shop here, if you don’t mind.”

“My apologies,” said Twilight. “We won’t keep you.”

The fourteen of them all went back upstairs, continuing to chat among themselves.

The bartender picked up their glasses and brought them over to the sink so he could clean them.

“One good thing about this job,” he thought to himself, “the stories never cease to amaze me. I wonder if should start writing some of these down… Nah, that would be stupid.”