Chapters Escape From Planet Muffins
CRASH!!
I bumped into another tree. I think this is the fifth one tonight. I quickly brushed off the mud off my face and moved on. When I arrived home I opened the door and collapsed on the bed. My name is Ditzy Doo but I would rather be called Derpy. I have a gray coat, yellow eyes and mane, and I have cross eyes. It was a long day of work today. I was restless despite the fact it's 10:00 PM. I took a look in the mirror. Man, I was soaking wet from the rain and gotten mud all over my hooves. I cleaned myself up and got ready for bed. My daughter, Dinky, fell asleep with the lights on. I turned them off and closed the door. Dinky's the only reason I haven't committed suicide yet. Being a mail deliver pony was the only job I could get my hands on and yet I get almost no money. I'm constantly bullied and teased. The other ponies call me a retard because of my looks. Dinky is the only pony that ever cheers me up anymore. Eventually I fell asleep.
I woke to my alarm clock. Oh gosh I overslept.I quickly got ready for work and Dinky ready for school. I was on my way out the door. I hope my boss understands. He's very strict with the rules. I almost got fired last time I overslept. If I do get fired, how will I support my family? I'm about to find out.
"Ditzy Doo! Where in Equestria have you been?" My boss looks madder then ever.
"Sorry boss, I overslept. You see, yesterday was a rough night and I-"
"I don't give a damn about your life!" He said roughly. "You always make mistakes and never learn from them! We keep getting complaints of missing deliveries and-"
"But I always deliver mail on time," I protest. "See? My mail bag is..." My mail bag was empty. Except for one letter. My boss figured he was right from the long silence.
"That's all I need to hear. Ditzy Doo, I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go today." Fired? No, it can't be. Maybe I misheard or maybe he was joking. i can't be fired. I just can't.
"You don't understand. I have a family. I have a house. I can't afford to be fired."
"And this business can't afford you!" He was almost yelling at this point. I just couldn't do this anymore I broke down on the floor crying. It came to the point where security had to kick me out. I don't want to live to see my family suffer. I made up my mind to commit suicide tonight. I'm going to deliver the last letter before I go. Ponyvill was an hour away.I still bumped into a few trees. It happens a lot. I finally stumbled into Ponyvill. The letter was addressed to the Golden Oak Library. I couldn't believe my eyes. that's where Princess Twilight lives.
I heard the news about three months ago about the crowning of Princess Twilight. I didn't know she still lived in Ponyvill. Twilight is a purple alicorn. She reads a lot of books and is very smart. My friend Rainbow Dash calls her an egghead. I don't know what eggs have to do with books. Maybe she mostly reads cookbooks. I never meet royalty before. I mean, I see them in a big crowd sometimes but I never meet them up close. I meet Twilight before, but that was when she was just a unicorn. Most ponies think I see Princess Celestia all the time when I need to give her mail, but my boss doesn't think i'm responsible enough. I never even went to Canterlot! I knocked on her door.
"Come in, it's open." I recognized Twilight's voice from before. I let myself in. "Oh Ditzy! Thank Celestia you have my letter. I was starting to worry and was wonder 'What if you never came!' But you came and you also have my letter that you came with and I'm so happy that you did bring it and that you came because you brought it!" Twilight was talking so fast she had to take a breath. "Did I mention that I'm glad that you came with my letter?"
"Uh, yeah. you did," I replied.
"Oh my gosh! I almost forgot," she said. She snatched the letter out of my hoof. Inside was a plastic bag fulled with spices. Maybe she is an egghead. "I can't afford to waste anymore time!"
"And what exactly are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm making a potion that can save more power. A bottle can power all of Equestria for a day and a serving can power Ponyvill for a week. That letter you gave to me was fulled with magical spices I needed. I have to complete it in the next hour or it will become very unstable." Suddenly I feel very guilty for not delivering it sooner.
"Wow I'm very sorry I didn't deliver it sooner. Twilight."
"It's fine, I just need to run over to Zecora's place to get the final ingredient. It will take 30 minuets tops. Do you mind watching over the potion while I'm gone?"
"Not at all," I said. It's the least I can do.
Thanks a whole lot. I'll be back in 30 minutes." I waited until Twilight left. I did it. I delivered the letter. I might read a book to pass the time. Wow, Twilight really is an egghead. She has like fifty books. I took out a book titled Homemade delight's: Thirty Easy Recipes:Book 15: Muffins It had some really good recipes. I think It even outdone my famous blueberry muffin recipe! I got a pencil and some paper and copied down the recipe. It took seven minutes. Then I spent the next ten minuets randomly dancing. I would of spent longer when I heard a noise. It also smelled like smoke! I turned around. The potion was smoking! I have three more minuets. I raced to the sink to get a bucket of water, but it was too late.
BOOM!!!!!
I fell backwards, my head hit the wall,and I fell unconscious.
Escape From Planet Muffins
"Are you sure she's not dead?'
"Yeah, see? She's still breathing."
"But she was out for twelve hours now."
"But she's still alive."
"I never seen her here before."
"She might be new."
"Then why the fuck is she sleeping in the middle of the road!!!!"
I woke up after I heard the pony say I was in the middle of the road. I wish I stayed in longer.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNNHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I was screaming my head off. The looks of those ponies made me shit my pants. If ponies wear pants that is. I have to get out here. I tried to fly away but I couldn't. The explosion damaged my wing real badly. I have no choice. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't dare look behind me. I have trouble thinking straight and running at the same time. In fact, I can't run that fast at all. I still tried to interpret what just happened.
So, the last thing I remember was blowing up Twilight's library. Next thing I know is that I wake up with a bunch of ponies that look just like me! Yeah, you heard me. They all look just like me!!! Did I bump my head too hard? I hope I'm just dreaming. I wanna go back-
CRASH!!!
Damn it! I tripped over a branch. I could hear them coming. I couldn't get back up though. My ankle hurts really bad. I think I broke it. Their hoofsteps were getting louder. I still couldn't move. Then they found me.
"Please don't hurt me!" I pleaded as I tried to inch away. I didn't make it very far though. It's pretty creepy having a walking talking mirror of yourself. "Where am I? Why do you all look like me? Can you tell me how to get to Ponyvill?" They all looked at me like I was crazy. Which I'm pretty much am.
"What's your name kid?" One of them asked.
"Um, Derpy Hooves," I replied.
"No, your real name." I stared at her. How does she know my real name is not Derpy? Do we know each other? How does she know what's not my name and still doesn't know my real name? If she doesn't know my name, then how can she say that Derpy isn't my name?Ugh! I'm starting to think like a Doctor. Maybe I am crazy, or having one of Equestria's weirdest dreams. OH SWEET CELESTIA! What if i'm not crazy and those... those things are really there. Maybe the explosion-
"I said What's your real name kid. I haven't got all day you know."
"Ditzy Doo," I said.
"No I mean your REAL name!" She looked pissed off.
"Well I'm sorry if you don't like that name but that's the full truth." I still don't think they believe me, or even why they don't believe me. I just want to go home. "Look, just tell me the quickest way to Ponyvill and I'll be on my way."
And that's when they said it.
"Ponyvill is just an old pony's tale," one of them said. My eyes widen. I looked around. As a mail pony, I was surprise I never been hear before. I might be out of Equestria. Like somewhere else. I could be in the future, but then they should have at least some info on Ponyvill.
"What about Equestria?" I asked.
And that's when they said it again.
"Equestria has fallen 1000 years ago." I guess I am in the future.
"What happened?" They looked at me funny again but still didn't answer.
"Um, how old are you, kid?" I didn't see how that matters but I still answered.
"I'm 21 years old. Now you answer my question. Why did Equestria-"
BOINK!!
Something landed on my head. I shook it off and looked at it.
It was a muffin.
It's raining muffins. "M-m-muffins falling f-from the s-s-sky?" It was a strong number three for most wonderful things I ever seen. I looked at the other me's. They didn't look at the amazing weather, but they looked more at me. They had a exited look on their face. I tried to listen to what they were saying.
"Her name really is Ditzy."
"I can't believe it."
"Do you think she can do it?"
"She has to."
"But what if she can't?"
"She will."
"Do what exactly?" I asked. They all acted as if I was the most important pony in all of Eques- whatever country I'm in, and I am.
"Derpy, we need to show you something." I followed them to wherever they wanted me to go. It was still raining muffins. The scenery was beautiful. It was beyond words. Now that I calmed down a bit, I could tell the difference between all the me's. One was a unicorn, one was an earth pony, and another was a colt version of me. He was a pegasus. They also wore their hair differently. we made it into town after a while. There was a lot more me's walking downtown.
"Where are we going?" I asked
"Princess Celestia's castle," the colt me said. I think this is an alternate universe were all the ponies look like me. We finally made it to Princess Celestia's castle after a while. It looked just like I imagined it would be.. or at least how it looked like on TV. The inside was even more beautiful. If that's even possible. The earth pony me knocked on the door.
"Enter," Princess Celestia said. She looked like an alicorn me.
"We found Ditzy your highness," the unicorn me said. Celestia stopped what she was doing and walked over to me.
"Can someone tell me whats going on?" I asked. Princess Celestia explained.
"Since the first ponies settled on Equestria, we were working on ways to keep Humans from discovering us. Only few knew what a human is because we were pretty successful in letting no other pony know. One day made it's way into Canterlot. Unfortunately, that Human was a hunter. 78 Ponies died that day, and that was only the beginning. We went into war. It went on for 64 years. It came to the point where we had to run away, and that's when we found this place. Eating the food made us Immortal, but there was some downsides. we couldn't repopulate and we found that a star is going to go supernova soon. Like thirteen years soon. We can't explain why we look like you. We think it's because you have to save us."
"Wait, what makes you think I can keep the star from exploding?"
"Internet." I couldn't believe it. Celestia put a hoof on my shoulder. "Derpy, There was a prophecy. It said that you are the only one that can do this."
Escape From Planet Muffins
Talk about big responsibility. I have to keep an entire planet safe from a supernova. Everypony believes I can do it except me. Even if I could do it, I wouldn't know where to start. What about Dinky and the Doctor? How will I explain to them why I was missing for thirteen years? I was thinking about pros and cons on this. Pro: It rains muffins. Con: my wing is injured. Pro: everypony looks like me. Therefore everypony is sexy and if I hang out with them, I'll get even more sexy. Con: Remember when I couldn't move? It turns out I did break my ankle and I got to the castle by walking on three legs. Pro: Everypony respects me. Something that no pony back home never did. Con: no friends or family. Pro: I can become immortal. Con: I don't control Exploding stars. Pro: um.. Con: If I don't find a way out of here I'll die. Pro; No comment. Con: This list got really long and I bored you to death and got sent to jail. Pro: Prison food has more nutrition then an average school meal. Con: Jail isn't fun. Pro: jail is fun. Con: I got very off topic.
"Here ya go," said colt me, handing real me a broom.
"What do I do with this?" I asked.
"You pick up the muffins with it. Somehow we are able to live off them here. You have to clean them up so we can have some food to eat." I grabbed the broom and stated cleaning up the mess. It muffined hard today. We could of had a flash muffin. It took two hours to clean up. It was fun though.
"So, what's your name?" I asked colt me.
"You can call me Doctor," said Me Doctor. He couldn't be my doctor. Real Doctor was an earth pony. He did look like him if you take away the me part. What if he was my doctor? But Me Celestia said the war won't happen for a long time where I come from. Then again, he could of used his time machine. That still doesn't explain the wings.
"Have I met you before?" I asked him.
"Nope, Only met you today." Good. He isn't my doctor. We had lots of fun. We played around, we looked at the clouds, he was even nice enough to bring me a cloud because of my injured wing. After that we went to the park. We stayed there for a half hour. Like I did at Twilight's. I wonder how she's doing when she discovers I'm gone. Later, Me Doctor got hungry and took me to a cool restaurant. Muffins are a good substitute for... well, everything. I had a muffin salad for an appetizer. Then I ate a Friday muffin fish fry eve.(It's Thursday).
"I hope you're not full because I got you a present," He said
"What is it?" I asked eagerly. he handed me a box.
"It's a magic muffin. They're really rare. I found it while we were cleaning up. It heals any injury and cures any sickness." I ate it. Suddenly My wing and ankle felt better. All the pain went away. Physically and mentally.
"Thank you," I said. After that we said goodbye. I took the long way home. I liked the view of the place at night. Especially the castle. I still couldn't believe I'm staying there. I'll be adding that to the pros list. And my bedroom? And my bedroom was beautiful. My new room alone is probably more expensive then my entire house. Soon I closed my eyes and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning rushing to my wardrobe. I quickly opened it without a single hesitation. I drew out my saddle bag and opened the top. Glancing to see that everything is in place, I put it on and flew off to downtown. I usually never got this exited about shopping but I was curious to see what they sold. I especially wanted to see what clothes they had since the Grand Galloping Gala was tonight. They had it here too. I found a dress shop next to a toy store. The clothes here are better than the clothes back home.
"Are you looking for a dress?" asked the cashier.
"Yes, could you help me decide which one I should wear?" I replied, still looking around the store.
"Why certainly," he said grabbing one off the shelf. "Try this one on for size. It's our most fancy dress in stock." He handed me the dress and I took it to the dressing room to try it on.
Who knew that paper bags looked so good?
I took it off and made my way to the check out desk. I should of watch where I was going. I bumped into a unicorn me by accident.
"Oops, sorry I didn't see you there. Are you okay?" She got up in an instant and replies back.
"How dare you bump into me like that and not even say something else than sorry! That was the worst apologize I ever receive! Don't you know who I am?" Her response startled me.
"Um, no. I have no idea who you are." That's the truth. She didn't look like any pony I knew from Equestria.
"Oh, you must be Derpy. I'll make this simple. You and I both know that you can't do anything to save this planet. And everypony else thinks you can actually pull this off.You're not even a unicorn! What a shame it would be if somepony would to find out the phony you really are." Her eyes locked on me for two seconds only to be interrupted by her left eye slowly wandering off until it met my dress. "Better think twice about buying that dress. It's worth 95 bits."
"95 BITS!!!" I exclaimed. What kind of dress would cost 95 bits.
"Yeah I know. It's very cheap. Is that the last one in stock? She asked. Cheap? She thinks 95 bits is cheap?? What line of work is she in!?
"Sorry I grabbed the last one. I'm planning to wear it for the Grand Galloping Gala tonight." I don't care if it's 95 bits or not, I'm still buying it.
"Well that's too bad. You better find another dress because I want it!" She pushed me to the ground and snatched up my dress.
"HEY!!" I shouted, but shouting was only a sound. I bought a different, but less expensive dress for 25 bits. It was a bubble dress. Equipped with a crystal bubble headband, necklace, and shoes. It wasn't as good as the first one but it will do. Fast forward a bit to the Grand Galloping Gala. The words of Me Unicorn still buzzed in my head. She's right, I can't do this. There has to be a better way. I bumped into somepony again.
"Oh, hey Derpy." It was Me Doctor. "I like your dress."
"Doctor, I want to go home. Do you know a way back?" A moment of silence. And then... Another moment of silence. For once both eyes were focused on me. Finally, one last moment of silence.
"Ditzy," he said. "I don't know where you came from or how you got here, but ever since we found out about the soon to be disaster, We stopped at nothing to find a way out." Lots more moments of silence. "We never found one."
