The Adventures of Tracy Cage And The Never Ending Ride Vol.1

Tracy is at Walmart looking at the official pone merch when a group of homestuck cosplayers approach her and say that her mlp cosplay is shit.

Tracy replies

“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.”

Tracy hobbled into the pony toy aisle, feeling like she was going to throw up any second. The poorly made toys didn't help any, the longer she looked at them the more it felt like something was trying to force its way back up.

"Haha, pink celestia? Stupid humans can't get anything right."

And then she noticed the pony toys with butterfly wings. And the colorable fluttershy with random shapes vomited all over her.

Speaking of vomit, her stomach churned. She felt something bubbling up her throat and hitting the roof of her mouth. Tracy tried to swallow it back down, but it wouldn't stop.

Suddenly...

Suddenly the cosplayers have returned. They did not like what tracy had said to them. Apparently, they had heard a similar rant over the internet. They pull out their 20% cooler hats to hit tracy with

Tracy violently vomits all over the homestuck cosplayers. It engulfs them.

They are digested right there. Turned into a giant mushy pile of mush, Tracy decides what she should do with it.

She rapes the pile of mush

.

After shoving the remainder of the mush in her vagina to give those mushy cosplayers the unfortunate fate of pre birth, she continues looking at the mediocre official merch. She decides to purchase a plastic princess twilight toy to likely incinerate at her new home, a certain ex-bronies home

Tracy takes the toy to the counter

"Holy shit a talking horse!"

Stabby stab stab

Stupid human check-out girls and their lack of tolerance

Walks out into the street

Holds out her hoof to try and hitchhike home

nothumbs.png

Gets the hand of the checkout girl

Still nothing

Sticks out her rump a bit

Truck pulls up

Geddin lil' missy"

Tracy examines his attire

Nice overalls chump

"Where're you headed, mmm?"

His voice sounds like a squeaky busted oboe

"20 Rainbow Road in the Cooler district"

"MM, mm, mm"

He keeps licking his lips

He gets to the house

Doors get locked

"Naw, misseh, did yeh think yeh wouldn' be payin' foh a ride?"

He grabs at her ass

Tracy weighs her options

Probably has pimples on his dick

Let's find out

She examines his meagre schlong as the hick cries in pain and attempts to cull the flow of blood literally geysering out of his crotch

"Pimples AND hair out of the head. Not in a million years man"

Bucks down the car door

Grabs the Princess Twilight toy

Enters her new home

Surprisingly, doesn't smell like Ragu

Today was a good day

Walks into the bedroom quarters

Full of "Clop till you drop" Clop posters

See a wincest AJ and Big Mac poster

Tracy decides these posters are acceptable

Behold, the new living quarters for our hero

After walking down the street stabbing things she finds bert and ernie

After seeing tracy's large bloody knife, Bert and Ernie attempt to nope the fuck out of there

but bert trips and over 9000 tablets of fast dissolve ecstasy fall into his mouth

The earth stops. Light particles are suspended where they are, mere inches from bert's eyes. He is now blind but he tastes with his ears.

Bert can taste the universe. He knows the flavors of Ernie, and Trixie, and Mother Earth, and his own eyeballs, and he loves it so much. He loves the taste so much he wants to fuck it. Bert pulls out his corpus callosum and begins to hump Ernie with his sense of being.

Trixie stabs him.

Trixie?

Tracy stabs them and unbirths them.

The unbirth became a metaphysical re-death. Satan was taken off the cross and summoned a thousand demons to strike down humanity.

Tracy can't have that. Humanity is hers to kill.

tracy finds the first demon and wipes outs her double headed wonder wiggle and makes the first demon butt frustrated

Hank Hill appears and declares that his propane and propane accessories would be a great way to deal with these demons, he tells you hwat.

Taste the meat not the heat

Tracy takes this as a sexual advance. Tracy begins furiously sucking hanks meat, causing her to get into heat.

Tracy shoves a hoof up her pussy and takes out a dildo which she shoves into the eye socket of a lesser demon.

She pulls dildo after dildo out from her seemingly boundless vagina and impales her enemies with the deadly sex toys.

Hank thrusts wildly, throatfucking Tracy with the intensity of a thousand suns. He slowly pulls his enormous erection out of Tracy's mouth.. He drenches his dick in propane and pulls out a match.

then out of fucking nowhere a one eyed wonder worm bites peggy's skull in two

"I SELL DEMON KILLING SEED AND DEMON KILLING SEED ACCESSORIES"

he cries as he drops the match. His dick is caught on fire and the intense heat makes him Finally blow his load.

Each shot is like a cannonball, blasting straight through scores of demons at a time.

Tracy cums at the sight.

The match ignites a huge wave of flammable spooge. Hank inserts again into a tracy's mouth, and begins flailing about. THe flames come straight out of tracy's orifices spewing flaming spooge everywhere. The spooge sticks to the demons like napalm. The demons cannot take the heat. The ones that are yet to burn flee back to oblivion

Then tracy bites hanks dick off

The stench of brimstone is clearing.

Tracy bends over Hank, lying pathetically on the pavement, his once-proud penis now ashes and dust.she savored in her mouth

"Tell Peggy . . ." He wheezes the smoke from his lungs, and clutches Tracy's hoof harder.

"Tell her that boy weren't never right."

Hank breathes his last. Tracy swallows his burnt penis and mashes her crotch over his dickless gray abdomen.

She cums.

After she cums at the force of 1000 moons, she gets up, and swallows it all

Then the one eyed wonder worm comes and says

"eetsetu Pain"

Tracy is now a fat pony and getting the rising feeling that she don't need no man.

Now she needs women.