The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Two - Paying the Rent: Part Two

Lyra

Bon Bon sometimes tells me I need to work on my self-control. She's smarter than I am, so I figure it's probably the truth too. I make a lot of mistakes. When I was a foal, I'd sometimes get it in my head that I had really special magic and try and do things like fly or walk through walls or transform myself into a giant mechanical lizard. I wound up in the hospital a lot, and worried the hay out of my mom, the doctors and the teachers. Luckily, I've calmed down since then and don't do that kind of stuff half as much as I used to. These days I'm more likely to just wander on to a random train and fall asleep or eat all of some special bonbons Bonnie was trying to reserve for her customers. Point is, Lyra Heartstrings is not exactly a pony with a lot of restraint.

I explain this now because it's kinda important. Bonnie is so nice and sweet and perfect. Most of the messes we wind up in are entirely my bad. Honestly, you'd think a mare like her would have ditched me by now, but she is so patient and understanding. For whatever reason or other she puts up with all my little screw ups and almost never even gets too mad at me. I don't really get it, but I'm grateful all the same. I don't honestly know what I'd do without a mare like Bon Bon in my life. All the same, sometimes things happen and I kind of wonder if I'm not taking her for granted.

Which, I suppose, brings us back to the story. It was just after midnight and Bonnie had invited me to accompany her to deliver our rent money to the landlord's box. This was probably not a good idea, especially considering what ultimately happened. Bon Bon is such a nice mare though, I can't fault her for inviting me along with her. I was very happy to be going out at night with my Bon Bon. A midnight stroll with my one true love–what self-respecting filly would pass on that? Me, I was absolutely giddy. It probably shouldn't have been about me or about us as much as it was about the rent, but well, as I was saying before...

Bonnie and I left the apartment in good spirits, rent money in tow. We began our fateful journey to deliver our rent without a hitch. You see, the landlord, he doesn't really live that far away. In about ten minutes we were over halfway there just going at a leisurely pace. It seemed very much like we were fated to make our all-important delivery. That's when it had to get a little more complicated. Me and Bon Bon happened to cross paths with another pair of ponies trotting in the opposite direction.

"Yeah, I really think she's got the atmosphere down pat. This idea might be the best she's had in awhile," Flitter said to Cloudchaser just as we entered earshot. They're a pair of local pegasi. I'm not really sure what they do, but they always seemed nice enough to me and they seem like such a happy couple too, just like me and Bonnie.

"I'm not sure that's saying much considering how her last few ideas have gone," Cloudchaser replied giving a small laugh.

"Aww, c'mon! You know you had lots of fun! You drank enough for three mares!" Flitter countered loudly.

Cloudchaser then nuzzled her mare's ear and stroked one of her wings with her hoof. "Trust me, Flit, tonight's fun hasn't even started..." she spoke directly into the ear, drawing a blush from her partner.

The two had been talking quite loudly, so it was kind of hard to ignore, even though Bon Bon had this look on her face like she was trying to with every fiber of her amazing being to do just that. Me... well, as I explained at the start... yeah...

"Hi guys! How are you tonight?" I popped up right in front of them and started with a big grin. Cloudchaser laughed and shook her head. Flitter rolled her eyes. Bon Bon gave a sigh.

"Oh, hello Lyra. Bon Bon. What are you two up to at this late hour?" Cloudchaser said, finding an amused smile. "Out for a late night stroll?"

"Something like that," Bon Bon muttered dismissively, but with a smile. "Now, come Lyra. We'll have time to goof off after we've dropped it off."

"I know!" I called back before shifting my attention again to the pegasus couple. "It's been good talking to you two, but me and Bonnie have important plans!" I said.

"So do we," Flitter said, kind of terse-like.

"See ya around," Cloudchaser added more friendly, but with an awkward laugh. "Oh! But if you have the time, you might want to go check out Sweet Apple Acres. You know that new storefront Applejack had built–the one she's been trying for months to find something to do with? She's made it into a bar this time, and tonight's the grand opening. Drinks are good and cheap; it's quite the party down there."

Looking back, it was these fateful words that led me and Bonnie down out ill fated path. Anything "new" tends to make that poor self-control I mentioned before crumble like something extra crumbly until I go bouncing off like a child who has her eyes on a brand new toy.

The thing is, I don't even really like to drink. Alcohol isn't very tasty and it makes me feel really funny even after only one drink. I know Bonnie likes it though, and I do like getting out with other ponies and having a good time. The pub we tended to favor, the Rusty Sandcat, it was all the way on the other side of Ponyville too. If Applejack had a new, closer bar it was worth getting excited for.

"Ooh, Bonnie, we should check it out!" I started, hugging her right foreleg tightly as the pegasi began to walk off.

Bon Bon gave a small sigh and then nodded her head. "Okay, Lyra, but first, let's take care of the r--!"

"Yay! This is going to be fun!" I declared, cutting off whatever she was going to say with a super tight embrace. "C'mon, Bonnie Bon. The nightlife waits for no mare!"

With that, I galloped ahead in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Bon Bon gave chase. "Wait! Lyra, no. Let's... Ugh! Please! There's no reason we can't do this first..."

"Do what first?" I asked, tilting my head, my excitement shamefully taking me out of the moment.

Bon Bon brought her hoof to her face. "Oh, Lyra... The rent! We need to drop it off!" she replied loudly.

"Oh yeah," I responded with a toothy grin. "But you said it yourself that the landlord won't even be up for hours! There's no reason to rush that. It's not like the rent money could go anywhere!"

"But still... wouldn't it be better to just get it over with? We could have it done in ten minutes. There's really no reason at all not to..." Bon Bon said, looking unconvinced.

"Aww, trust me, Bonnie! We'll want to get to the bar as soon as possible before the peak crowds start to drift out," I rationalized. I don't think I really knew what I was talking about, but it sounded like the right kinda thing to say and I was eager.

"Honestly, Lyra..." Bon Bon muttered, though by this point I was already rushing off blindly again.

I didn't stop either, even as she continued to call out to me. Nope, I barreled ahead with no regard for anything until we were standing right in front of AJ's new bar. With a wide smile on my face, I then bounced right on through the door. At that moment, I was completely determined to have the best time I possibly could. It seemed to me like there wasn't anything that could go wrong.

Bon Bon

I made sure not to show her the eviction notice because frankly she would have forgotten what an eviction notice was and used it to wipe her cute little bum bum. Then when I actually needed to reference it to remember through my hangover addled memory what it was I needed to pay, I would have needed to take a wild guess. You can laugh but fuck you, it's happened–more than once. And frankly, I didn't want to possibly worry her. She is a little ball of positive energy given form and few things would be sadder than seeing that spirit of hers cut on the sharp edges of reality. And it would have been my fault–I gambled half our money on perfecting new chocolates that were either promptly stolen at the market, given away, eaten by Lyra, or completely destroyed by Derpy.

Fucking Derpy. I'm always under attack by idiots.

Speaking of, Flitter and Cloudchaser after the midnight hour are nothing but bad news. They were good enough during the day, a cute young couple like Lyra and I, but as night their brains turned off and their inhibitions flowed without anything to stop them. I hate ponies like that who think the world revolves around them and in how many kinky ways they can get off. Listen dumbasses, this world revolves around me and it's about how many ways can I get off! They can't touch my level, so why do I find myself always on the receiving end of their lunacy? Once again a short trip to the landlords was somehow delayed by something they said or did.

Lyra bought their poison hook, line, and sinker and within a few moments she had made the decision for the two of us, hopping over to Applejack's new bar. Applejack's new bar, eh? That mare was always trying to do something new nowadays. Whenever I needled her saying maybe life on the farm was growing stale, she'd get all pissed off and retort that she was just looking to expand the family business. Maybe that was true–the Apples had resources to die for, and several cider seasons of greater and greater yields meant that the bar made sense. When I entered, it made even more sense.

It wasn't some super fancy establishment with all sorts of comfy cushions and pointless decorations. Dimly lit and cozy; It looked just as a bar should, with few embellishments save a pool table, some darts, other bar games that I invariably suck at after I've had a few drinks. Not that I was any worse than anypony else who was completely sober, as awesome and together as I am at all times–it only brought me down to their level. There were a few Apple-family related insignias and carvings though, and even tokens from her famous friends. What a jackass.

"Howdy! Welcome to Sweet Apple Saltlick," Applejack bellowed far too loud from behind the counter, a growing stable of inebriated stallions in front of her."

"Heya Applejack! Wow, this place looks awesome!" my fillyfriend started, and to be honest she was right. It looked pretty good. Sturdy, well-designed, lots of care–Applejack had put more effort into this than her failing love life, which was a shame because it meant all sorts of stallions tried to hit on her, which meant fewer spent their time flirting with me and loading me up with free drinks.

"Well, thank ya kindly! What can I doya for?" she asked, obviously not at all surprised. Arrogant bitch, only I'm allowed to be that self-assured!

"How about five...hard clementine cide-"

FUCK THAT NOISE.

"Woah! Lyra now, please. We can't really spend this..." but I knew I had to get her something, or else she'd pout and her pout powers were off the chart,"...but I suppose we can both have one cube of salt?" I offered. Hey, salt was good and cheap. Applejack sighed, a little disappointed probably that she couldn't suck us dry of bits.

"Two cubes, comin' up."

"Now, why would two pretty mares want that?"

A deep, confident voice spoke nearly on my neck and I resisted the urge to reflexively buck. I hate ponies breathing down my neck, figuratively or literally. I turned around to give him a piece of my mind...

...Hello there, hot stuff!

Lyra was quick to survey the bar after entering. It was a nice place, full of all sorts of familiar faces. Applejack was there behind the counter. Rainbow Dash was at the very end, completely passed out on the bar next to a tall, mostly empty cider mug. The town's biggest barfly, Berry Punch was sitting dead center and was noticeably wobbly. All around her were a bunch of familiar stallions, including Magnum, Carrot Cake from Sugar Cube Corner, Thunderlane, Noteworthy and AJ's own big brother, Big Macintosh.

The stallion who happened to speak to the two of them was not one Lyra knew at all, however. He was a handsome unicorn with a burnt orange mane and a gray coat. From his tone and the obvious way his bright blue eyes tried to pierce into Bon Bon's soul he quickly revealed he was quite interested in her. This made it all the more obvious he wasn't a local. Everyone in Ponyville knew that Lyra and Bon Bon were an item. This sort of situation happened a lot when dealing with out-of-towners, but Lyra found it was usually easy enough to clear up. She just needed to make it perfectly clear her perfectly perfect Bon Bon was perfectly off limits.

Lyra started focusing an acute glare at the stranger, and called out: "Hey! You listen up now, mister!" It was right then, as she came to a pause, that the unicorn happened to have an idea.

Nine times out of ten Lyra having ideas ended in some manner of disaster. She knew this all too well, but in this case it just seemed perfect. They were at this fun bar with all these ponies, but Bon Bon didn't want to buy drinks. Salt was okay, she supposed, but it was a little salty for Lyra's taste. It wasn't a very social refreshment either, and Lyra knew Bon Bon would prefer some cider. Now, It was a fact that stallions who were interested in mares liked to buy them free drinks. That made the setup just perfect! They just needed to flirt back with this guy and they could have all the free cider they could ask for. It was foolproof.

Utterly failing to mask her mischievous laugh and too wide grin, Lyra flipped back her mane, revealing her woeful inability to act seductive. "What I mean to say is, I'm the cute one here. Look at me too!" Operation Free Drinks had officially begun!

Bon Bon stared blankly at her fillyfriend and silently mouthed some stunned words. She seemed at a loss, but Lyra was sure that once she caught on she'd be all over Lyra's brilliant scheme. Bon Bon loved getting free stuff as much as the next mare. At the very least, Bon Bon had finally put the parcel containing the bits for the rent down to her right on the bar. That told Lyra she wasn't going to fight the fact that the two of them were there to stay at least for a little while.

"Though I suppose you'll have to be the judge of that once you've bought us each some drinks!" Lyra clumsily blurted out. Bon Bon very nearly fell off of her barstool.

The handsome stallion looked at either of the two mares and gave a laugh. "Well, who am I to refuse such fine fillies as yourselves," he said, causing Bon Bon's jaw to go slack. He then smiled and looked at Applejack. "Another for me and a pair of a ciders for this lovely pair of mares, sweet barmaid."

Applejack shot an uneasy glance at the stallion. "Well, all right, hon," she said as she turned to fetch a couple mugs. She started to fill the stallion's mug first with fresh hard apple cider. "But just so you know, these two here are--"

Lyra suddenly banged her hoof loudly against the bar. She couldn't have Applejack blowing their cover. Operation Free Drinks needed to be a success. Bon Bon's evening depended on it. She glowered obviously at the orange mare as she quietly muttered "Sorry. I was just excited."

AJ gave an awkward laugh and stepped back when she noticed how Lyra was looking at her. The apple mare was a notoriously awful liar, but she was also very accommodating with ponies she knew. Her grin widened to a ridiculous point. "Er... w-what ah mean to say is, these two here are some of my best customers, so you best be treatin' them nice now. Got it?" Applejack said with a very stiff nod.

"Of course, of course," the suave stranger replied with a laugh. "Though might I ask how an establishment–even one as agreeable as this–might have regulars on the the very day it opens?" he added, glancing up at the big board listing the grand opening specials.

"Well...er... I-I..." Applejack back up nervously, nearly tripping over a barrel right behind her. She was clearly at a loss.

"Applejack means in all things. She has quite the enterprise with Sweet Apple Acres. They're products get sold all over Ponyville. This bar is just the latest venture," Bon Bon, kind as she always was, did her best to bail out the other mare.

"Yup. That's it. These two are buyin' apples from me left and right!" AJ declared, looking relieved. She hurried back to filling up the ciders. She placed a mug before each of them. "Y'all enjoy now!" she added before quite hurriedly cantering off to find another customer who might need her for something.

"And I can see why," the stallion spoke as he sipped his cider. "The quality of the apples speaks for itself. You two must have have quite discerning palates when it comes to such things."

Lyra wasn't very sure what a palate was, so she just nodded. "Yep. We have the best palates ever!"

"Well, I do make some damn nice chocolates if I do say so myself," Bon Bon asserted as she put down her already half depleted mug of cider. "Nothing but rave reviews."

Lyra nodded. She loved Bon Bon's bonbons. There was nothing better. At that moment, the cider was tasting pretty good to her too though. Sure, she didn't care too much for alcohol, but AJ's apple cider was sweet enough that it went down easy. The fact that she had worked so hard for it just made it taste all the more better. Flirting was tricky and she wasn't even sure she was doing it right. The stallion still seemed interested in them though, so she was sure she was doing okay.

"Oh? You're a confectioner then? How very fitting for a mare so obviously sweet," the stallion said in a charming voice, making eyes at Bon Bon again.

"Oh, stop..." Bon Bon said coyly, waving her hoof and blushing noticeably. Lyra knew her mare as not being particularly humble; compliments could at times be her weakness.

"But it's true. To find such a vision of beauty in this small town... I'll have to make certain to come and sample your sweet treats before I leave," the stallion said, narrowing his eyes. Bon Bon gave a soft laugh.

"Well, I certainly hope you like what you get," Bon Bon started back with a smile. "Most of my customers leave satisfied."

Lyra wasn't liking how the conversation was going exactly. The strange stallion was staring at Bon Bon a little too much, and while she was glad to see Bon Bon had finally embraced Operation Free Drinks, her acting was almost too convincing. The mare couldn't help but insert herself back into the conversation.

"Yep, my Bonnie Bon is the sweetest most awesome mare in Equestria and I love her and her chocolates more than anything ever." Lyra blurted out all at once, grabbing a hold of Bon Bon's nearest foreleg and clinging to it tightly. Bon Bon seemed entirely unsure how to react.

"I... uh... see," the stallion spoke, seemingly confused as well. "So what do you do then, miss?" he asked, looking at Lyra this time.

"Ooh, I'm a musician," Lyra said with a proud nod.

"Ah, a noble calling. What do you play? Classical?"

"Yep! Super classical!" Lyra nodded eagerly. "I'm a lyrist!"

"Lyrist?" the stallion started, taken aback.

"I play a lyre! The instrument of choice for traveling minstrels hundreds of years ago," Lyra explained with a grin.

"I... see... how...uh... fascinating..." the stallion muttered, his smile getting a little wider. He looked back toward Bon Bon, and noticing her mug was now empty. "Would the lovely mare like another drink?"

"Ooh, I know I want one!" Lyra piped up as she powered down the rest of her drink and slammed the glass down on the bar.

Bon Bon groaned. "Lyra... that's–" she started.

"It's no problem," the stallion interjected. "Another round, barmaid!" the stallion called out.

Another round came. Then another. Time passed quickly as the couple enjoyed conversation with the stallion, Applejack and the other patrons. Lyra was wobbly drunk after just the first round and downright incoherent after the third. She continued to notice how the strange stallion would look at Bon Bon and how she'd talk to him back. She was grateful to the guy, since it was because of his generosity that Operation Free Drinks was such a resounding success... but it became increasingly hard for her to not be jealous. As the evening progress the certainty that something very stupid was going to happen inched closer and closer to one hundred percent.

"... and then the dumb pony came along and crashed right into it! My cart was in pieces for weeks." Bon Bon laughed heartily as she finished a story. The stallion gave a chuckle.

"How unfortunate. You would think ponies would be more careful. For a lovely mare like you to have to endure such things, it's not right!" he asserted.

Bon Bon nodded. "That's damn right. Honestly, that mare is just a menace! I don't deserve any of that crap," she said, slamming her hoof down as Applejack came to her with a new cider.

"What do you deserve, my dear?" the stallion started with a smirk.

"More nights like this one!" Bon Bon replied.

It was at this moment that Lyra stood up rather abruptly. For a while now it had just been back and forth between these two and she had had enough! This was supposed to be about her and Bon Bon wasn't it? It was their date, and yet they hadn't even talked to each other at all! She was fed up.

"That's enough! Operation Free Drinks is aborted, effective immediately!" Lyra declared boldly.

"Operation what?" Bon Bon questioned blankly. "Lyra, what the hay are you talking about?"

"No! What are you talking about?! This is enough! This has been no fun at all! Let's go now and deliver that big bag full of bits there and go home!" Lyra loudly rambled, petting the rent money awkwardly.

"Lyra... I think you've probably had enough..." Bon Bon said in a low voice... "We probably should get–"

"No, you've had enough!" Lyra started inanely, as she suddenly made an awkward jerk on her stool.

There was no helping what happened then. The inebriated unicorn mare toppled backward quite quickly. Her extended hoof caught on Bon Bon's full cider. The glass mug flew forward at an angle, drenching Bon Bon in the process before smashing to pieces on the bar floor. Now on the floor, Lyra looked up anxiously at a rather none to pleased looking Bon Bon. She gave an awkward laugh.

"Lyra..." Bon Bon muttered, her displeasure evident.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie..." Lyra said, rubbing the back of her head, feeling somewhat sobered by what had happened. "My bad."

Applejack rushed toward them then with a mop. "Don't worry girls, ah'll take care of this," she said. Nodding to Bon Bon, she added, "There's a restroom that way there. You can use it to freshen yourself right on back up."

Bon Bon gave a long sigh and nodded. "Thanks. I think I'll do that," she said as she trotted off.

Lyra was feeling pretty regretful at that point about how things had unfolded. Wanting to make up for it, her eyes went to AJ. "You want me to help?" she asked as she lifted herself up off the floor, only to promptly slip on some cider.

"Nah, don't you worry, sugarcube," the other mare said. "These kinds of things happen. Ain't nopony gonna blame you for nothin'."

Lyra found a weak smile and her way finally back onto her hooves. "I'm sorry all the same. Poor Bonnie. I really always am such a screw up. I sometimes wonder why she puts up with it all."

"Ah, hon, that much should be obvious. Y'all got something special. That mare really cares about you," AJ assured warmly as she continued to mop up cider and glass. "With love like that, there ain't nothin' two ponies can't overcome."

"I hope you're right," Lyra said.

She smiled weakly, lost on the thought as she continued to watch AJ clean up her mess. About the time it was all mopped up, Bon Bon was back as well. Lyra looked at her and gave a small nod.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie. I really am. I just kind of got carried away. You're always telling me I need to work on it, but I can just be so helpless," Lyra said in an earnest voice.

Bon Bon smiled and gave Lyra a small hug. "You know it's fine. I couldn't stay mad at you for anything."

"Yeah. But it was stupid coming here in the first place. We should really get going," Lyra said, reassured some.

Bon Bon nodded. "Fine by me, let's just grab the bits and...!" Bon Bon cut herself off very suddenly as she stepped back toward her seat. "Lyra, where is the rent money?"

Lyra was surprised by the question. She stepped toward Bon Bon, looking all across the bar for the bag of bits but to no avail. Sure enough, the money for the rent was nowhere to be found.