The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Three - Dresses and Messes: Part One

Lyra

I woke up the next day not really remembering much. I felt really icky and my stomach hurt really bad and my head was pounding and, well... let's just say I was not especially eager to get out of bed. Even after I was awake, I just kept rolling around, groaning and whimpering into my pillow as I stayed bundled up snugly in my sheets. It just sort of felt like I lacked the will or the power to do anything else.

"Lyra, get out of bed already! It's 2:00 in the afternoon!" Bon Bon shouted at me from the door.

I rolled over onto my stomach and raised my head to look at her. "Bonnie...?" I groaned, as I brushed the mane out of my eyes, even though it was all gross and sticky with sweat.

"Lyra! Seriously, I get you’re hung over, but you gotta get up already!" Bon Bon was really loud and it made my head hurt even more.

"I duun feeel goood..." I murmured as I tried to lift myself up. I gave up quickly. My body just felt so heavy. I didn't want to go anywhere. "I dun think I can moove...." I added as I buried my head in my pillow.

That was when Bonnie reached out and grabbed me by the hoof and started to pull. Bon Bon is normally pretty strong, I'm not super heavy and she was evidently very much determined to wake me up. That combination was enough to finally get me to move, and move quickly as it were! Bon Bon tugged really hard and I went flying right from the bed. Bonnie landed on her back, pinned to the ground with me right on top of her.

"I guess I don't mind this position all too much..." Bon Bon said, smirking as she looked up at me.

I was less happy though. "Bonnie... I feeeel sick..." I started. The sudden movement hadn't been very good for my stomach. I retched noticeably.

"Lyra, n-no!" Bon Bon started, alarmed and terrified, trying to push me off of her.

Luckily, I found enough control to not vomit all over Bonnie. Instead, I made a hasty break for the bathroom... of course, I was so out of it that I ended up tripping and running into the doorframe instead. I fell over backwards and blacked out for a while. I don't know if I ended up throwing up or not. All I do know is that I was back on the bed when I came to again, and despite the bump on my head, I actually felt a little better somehow.

"Finally awake again, you idiot?" Bon Bon started as I lifted my head slowly. She was glaring.

"I'm sorry..." I said. I don't think I had any idea what I was apologizing for on account of my head still being kinda fuzzy.

"Lyra, what am I going to do with you...?" Bon Bon said through an exasperated sigh. "We drank the same number of drinks..."

"We drank...?" I asked, tilting my head aside. I think I only barely remembered who I was at that moment. Other stuff was kinda beyond me.

"You don't remember? Applejack's bar? The fight? Operation Free Drinks?" Bon Bon tried to remind me, rolling her eyes at the thought.

"Operation wha...?" I started, looking confused.

"Urgh!" Bon Bon grunted in frustration, throwing her hooves up. "Just never mind, Lyra. Nothing that happened last night matters in the slightest."

"Ah, okay," I said, giving a nod. I really trust Bonnie, so I was happy to take her word for it. There was one thing though, one thing I knew was important. After a pause, I spoke, "Bon Bon...?"

"Yes, Lyra?"

"Did we do it last night?" I asked in an innocent, distant voice. Bon Bon just stared at me blankly.

"No. You were drunk off your ass and I wasn't far behind you. Neither of us were in the right state to have any of that kind of fun last night." Bon Bon replied.

"I didn't think you thought that it was fun..." I said, more than a little confused.

"What? Lyra, what could possibly have given you the idea that I didn't enjoy sleeping with you?" Bon Bon was clearly rather taken aback.

"Sleeping with me? You're funny, Bonnie. Whoever said anything about that," I said through a big yawn.

My mare just stared at me in puzzled silence for about a full minute.

"So did we drop the rent money off or not?" I decided to just ask my question again.

Bonnie blinked several times. "Oh! The rent!" she started giving a chuckle. "Yeah, yes we did, Lyra. The rent for this little slice of heaven of ours is all paid up."

"That's great!" I started with a big smile. This time I missed the sarcasm on Bonnie's words on purpose. I know she doesn't like the apartment much, and I guess she probably does deserve someplace better, but to me any place where I live with Bon Bon really is a slice of heaven.

"Yeah," Bon Bon gave a small, awkward laugh. "Anyway, get up. I'll make you something to eat so your stomach can settle."

"Okay," I said, nodding and finally finding my way off the bed and this time for good.

Bon Bon proceeded to make me breakfast–or well, I wonder if breakfast is the right word... It was almost 3:00 by the time I was eating it... But anyway, it was good. Bon Bon is known for her chocolates, but she cooks other stuff pretty good too, at least for my tastes. She made up a hearty stew of vegetables, and it was really what I needed I think. Once my stomach was less achy, my head stopped hurting quite so much too and I started to remember a little of the night before.

Not that there was much good to remember. I had acted pretty stupid and nearly ruined anything because of it. Nothing new, but definitely unfortunate. Still, I was happy we had managed to deliver the rent. You see, there's a reason that I remembered to ask about that even when I didn't remember anything else, and it's not just because I know it's an important thing. It just so happened that at that moment, Lyra Heartstrings was a pony with a plan long in the works.

I'm a silly mare and not very smart and my plans tended to not work out very well as a result, but I was sure this one was going to be different. Had anything happened to the rent money though, my plan probably would have just backfired and made Bon Bon really angry with me. You see, I don’t usually make a lot of money with my act and I'm supposed to put it all toward the rent. Usually I'm happy to do just that, but recently I had gotten this crazy idea in my head to do something special for Bonnie. In our relationship, the gifts she gets from me are usually songs I sing to her or extra cuddling. She seems to like those kinds of things just fine, I guess, but to me it always felt like I was getting off easy never having to buy her anything nice. Not too long ago I had decided to change all that and for once get my Bon Bon something really nice that she'd like.

Bon Bon didn't really notice my secret. I worked harder than usual. A few of the trains I got on weren't on accident, like usual, but instead because I heard about festivals going on in other towns where I thought my music might be appreciated and I can make a little more. Eventually, about a week before the rent was due, I had enough money to put toward the project. I didn't even think to wait then and relinquished my bits, though I really probably should have. Had we not been able to get our bits back the previous night it would have ended up a disaster. I mean, a nice, pretty gift probably doesn't go as far when you've been evicted...

Luckily the rent matter had been accomplished and everything was still moving according to plan. I was glad too. This was one case where I really just wanted everything to go perfectly. When it comes to making Bonnie happy, I take things very seriously.

"Thanks, Bonnie! That really hit the spot!" I said as I finished the meal. "I feel a lot better now."

"And it's a good thing too. Alcohol makes you seriously useless, Lyra," Bon Bon replied, shaking her head. I smiled.

"Yep! But you know I'd endure anything for my sweet Bonnie Bon!" I exclaimed vividly. Bonnie smiled.

"Seriously though, let's not do anything that crazy for a while, Lyra," she said.

"Yes, ma'am!" I instantly replied, giving a playful salute. I then nodded and looked at my Bonnie for a while. "Speaking of which, what are we going to do today?" I asked.

Bon Bon

Yeah, what were we gonna do? That was the question that burned me right in the gut and left me feeling bit pissy about how it had all gone down. I’m not the happiest hangover pony and I knew that for sure. I always wanted to bite some heads off...but waking up with a fucking cut on my leg I had even less reason to be an especially perky or happier pony. Add to this that I just lost most of my day’s profits to sleep and my world was already a bit rotted by the day’s efforts.

And I don’t really want to take it out on Lyra, but if my memory served me right this was all her fault. And my memory is pretty good, just like the rest of me. Once in awhile she needed a reminder that, by Celestia on high, we needed to keep our hooves about us–maybe on us once in awhile, but mostly about us. She had kept me away from work all day, and we were so short as it was that we couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t afford to not be working!

Neither of us make much money, despite Lyra being the most talented musical mare in the whole damn world and me making delicious chocolates that deserved to have the royals themselves fighting one another to the death just to take a whiff. But when you live in a town of fakes and charlatans who spend more time sucking each other off for favors than doing anything worthwhile, you face an uphill battle for respect. And profits. Especially the profits.

Well, I don’t know. It’s too late to go to work, so that’s probably shot. I suppose we can go out and take care of some chores. Well, maybe I can. Are you up for it?” I asked a little harshly, feeling bad about it immediately. I was still pissy. Hell, I don’t mind knocking some heads in a bar if the cause is just, but, holy Tartarus, I wouldn’t like getting arrested for murder. That would put a damper on my plans and let me tell you, I have big plans for Lyra and myself.

See, I’m not just shooting you full of poppy flowers when I tell you that I’m the best. I’m the best at everything. In that marketplace, on my path, even in bed! I’m the best. I’m also the best at scheming, and I have big plans. Because I deserve it. Because Lyra deserves it. We deserve it more than the fat cats and the ambitious ones around us who already have everything but are always wanting more. I deserve more. I deserve everything. Lyra deserves to sleep in a bed of roses being tended to by dozens of servants ready and willing to give her back rubs at a moment’s notice.

That’s what we deserve, but we don’t have it. So I’ve been scheming. Listening. No one thinks to worry about me, thinking I’m some dumbass mare who just wants to stick her face in Lyra’s sweet folds. Now mind you I want to do that too, but I also want much more. And for my plans to work, I need some money. I need to work. And being drunk doesn’t help anything.

“Sure!” Lyra said, bouncing around. She was as full of energy as I was full of anger at the fact that she didn't feel as awful as I.

“Well, good. I’ll go to the market and see if I can sell some chocolates for a few hours, then I’ll meet you at the park before we head home. Sound good?”

“Yeah! What do I need to do?”

“Talk to Ficksitup and see what it’d cost to repair the roof here-” to emphasize the point, a single raindrop fell through a crack. It was stinky drop too, meaning it had been trapped up there and creating mold. Have I mentioned that I’m allergic to mold?

“Then get something for dinner and talk to the Mayor about your application.”

“I don’t know, that’d mean a lot of travel...”

“Yeah, but it also means more money and job security. Can you think of any better career option for a musician in this town?”

“Well, I guess Octavia does okay for herself...”

“She does. Then again, you’re so much better than she is. Definitely a lot more fun at a party!”

Lyra giggled, nodding as she bounced away to gather her things. I sighed, knowing that I had to get to work as well.

Getting ready to work is never fun. It’s a lot of work getting the cart mobile and frankly I need to come up with a better way. I went to the little covered shed that’s attached to our place and voila, there was my cart. It was cold as a minotaur’s butthole, which was a good sign that the unicorn I had blackmailed into keeping this place perky cold was still doing his job. Good thing to, I lost the picture with him and his wife’s sister.

I gathered up my various chocolates, each one already in their separate bag. I’m sort of a stickler for keeping things organized, but not because I have some sort of disorder. I like myself a good mess as much as the next mare. Nah, here it was just about business. Each sort of bonbon was separated into different classes and levels of freshness. I normally had a stock for a full week, then I’d make more when the shed was empty. Pro tip: Sell the oldest bonbons first. Thanks to the way I make them and the great workings of the shed, they were still fresh. Delicious. Plenty addictive on their own–though my attempt to make them more so by putting some nice illegal everfree leaf into a few so Lyra and I could have some fun only ended up with us becoming afraid of our shadows... which sort of killed my enthusiasm for that kind of experiment.

I am not, it turns out, fit to be a drug kingpin.

Put the chocolates into the various little drawers on the cart. Hitch the wheels up so it can move. Drop the sign, release the lock, open the shed. It sounds easy, but all in all it’s ten minutes of work. And as I’ve told you, I deserve to be pampered like a fucking Goddess, not worked like a farm pony. Silly Applejack, physical labor was for plebs.

“Lyra, I’m leaving! Love you!”

"Love you too, Bonnie!" Lyra called out excitedly, a huge smile plastered across her face.

The moment Bon Bon was gone, the smile fell and she felt a strange and awkward pain right in the pit of her stomach. No, it wasn't the hangover assaulting her some more, but instead a mix of guilt and anxiety. Lyra was a generally carefree and upbeat mare, but she was not quite some oblivious foal. She didn't show it a lot, especially not in front of Bon Bon, but she did have thoughts and worries that would often nag at her. Sometimes, invariably they got in the way, even as Lyra always did her best not to be a burden.

The fact was, Bon Bon had been trying to get Lyra to apply at the Mayor’s to try out for the Ponyvile Symphony Orchestra or a while now, and well, she wasn't in any hurry to do so. She knew Bon Bon really wanted more than she had and she really was only able to do so much to help their situation with just her busking, but that didn't change the fact that she really liked playing the music she wanted to play. Playing stuffy music with the orchestra, it just wouldn’t be her. Also, it would be like working a normal job, and... she had tried working other jobs before, and it never really worked out for anyone to say the least...

Lyra sighed and glanced blankly upward at the drip in the roof. Bon Bon made their apartment her piece of heaven, but once Bon Bon had left even Lyra could notice the cracks. Sometimes she wondered if everything else was like that too. Could all that she and Bon Bon had together be cracked and dripping, teetering on the brink of collapse and she just didn't realize it? The thought made her tear up a little.

The unicorn brushed her tears aside and gave a rigid nod. She needed to expedite her plan. Once Bon Bon saw her gift, she would both realize how very much she meant to Lyra and maybe she'd also see that Lyra could make more bits with her music when she put her mind to it. She was convinced it would be enough to mend absolutely everything–that was until a drip of moldy water landed right on her muzzle. Okay. Maybe, it wouldn't fix the roof.

No, she really would need to go see Mr. Ficksitup like Bon Bon has said if she was going to help get that little problem sorted out. She'd also gladly bring home dinner. She wasn't going to go to the Mayor's though. Maybe she'd tell Bon Bon she had, maybe not. Either way, she had another destination in mind for the day. Nodding once more to herself, she collected her wits and started toward the door. Then, locking the apartment door behind her, Lyra Heartstrings emerged onto the Ponyville streets.

She moved through town at a brisk pace, not taking time to dally as she often might. She wanted to do her best by Bon Bon, so she had to do her best to stay on task. First on the agenda was going to get the estimate on the roof. Ficksitup was an older earth pony stallion who worked as a general repairpony in town. Lyra had always thought he was nice enough. He worked fairly cheap compared to others in town too, which she supposed was the best part. He had helped them patch up the apartment a couple times now. His place wasn't too far away, so Lyra found herself there in no time. She gave a knock at his door.

"Ah, Miss Heartstrings," the portly, mustachioed old Ficksitup started as he emerged. "What can I do ya for, today?" he asked as he showed her inside his office and workspace.

"Hiya, Mr. Ficksitup!" Lyra answered the stallion. "Bonnie sent me because she wanted to know how much it'd cost to fix the roof."

"That so? Well, what's the problem this time? Ol' Derpy crash on through it again?" the stallion asked, giving a hearty laugh.

"No, it's just a small hole or something... but it leaks sometimes and it smells all icky and gross," Lyra said, scrunching up her face.

"So you'll need to get the roof patched and probably have some mold cleaned out up there?" The stallion nodded. "Well, I'll have to take a look at the damage, but it sounds to me like it won't be quite as bad as the last few jobs you two have had for me."

"Really? That's great news!" Lyra started cheerfully, giving a little bounce.

"Hold your horses, missy. Just because you won't be out as much as before doesn't mean it'll be free," the handystallion spoke in a serious voice.

"How much would it be exactly?" Lyra asked, feeling suddenly a bit unsure.

"Well, patching the roof is one thing. The bigger concern we have is the mold. It'll be hard to say for sure until I know what kind of damage it's caused up there. In the very worst case, more extensive repairs might be needed," Ficksitup explained thinking it over. "I won't know for sure until I've been up there and scoped it out for you guys, but this kind of repair could run anywhere from 120-400 bits."

Lyra's eyes bulged. Did this kind of stuff really cost that much? She grimaced weakly and looked down. The anxiety from before started to return to her. Come to think of it, Bon Bon was usually the one to take care of errands like this or they went together. Lyra wondered if she hadn't sent her here this time alone so she'd pay attention and maybe feel a little guiltier about not being so helpful financially. Then again, Bon Bon probably hadn't known how much the repair was going to be in the first place so that probably wasn't it.

"I can come over tomorrow and scope it out for you. Hopefully it's not too serious, though either way this is the kind of problem you don’t want to let sit and fester. It'll only become worse with time," Ficksitup continued as Lyra stared ahead blankly.

"Yeah," she said in a low voice.

"Something else the matter, missy? You seem awfully preoccupied?" the stallion questioned, looking the mare over.

Lyra glanced at the other pony for a while and then over at some tools on the side of the room that she didn't even know the purpose of. She smiled faintly. "You're good at fixing stuff, right, Mr. Ficksitup?"

"I'd sure hope to think so," the stallion replied with a chuckle.

"How would you go about fixing something when you don't even know for sure if anything's broken?" Lyra asked plaintively. "Everything looks perfect and amazing but the little things make you wonder sometimes if there aren't little cracks and holes somewhere that you can’t see that might make it all fall apart someday?"

Ficksitup seemed surprised by the nature of the pony's question. He gave a long sigh and nodded to the pony. "Did the two of you get into a fight or something?" he asked.

This time Lyra was surprised by the response. She tilted her curiously as she looked at the handystallion. "Well... yeah, we did. Or, well... not we. She did though. I kind of just watched."

The earth pony stared at the plucky mare completely baffled now. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"The fight at the bar last night! You should have seen it! Bonnie really took it to these three stallions! She was totally awesome. There was so much blood! She even tore this one guy's horn off," Lyra started excitedly, nodding her head.

Ficksitup blinked. "Ah... I... uh... see... that, wasn't quite what I meant," he muttered vacantly. Giving a frustrated groan and a shake of his head, he then continued. "Regardless.... what'd I'd suggest if you can't see any holes is to just do your best to keep the foundation strong and keep a keen eye out for signs of any breaches. That's really all you can do."

"Huh?" Lyra started. "But there is a hole. It's right there in the roof and it drips nasty water. I thought I already went over that part..." she added, looking upward slightly.

Ficksitup brought a hoof to his face. "No! That's not...! I know that!" he started in frustration. "I was just continuing off of your earlier metaphor."

"What's a metaphor?" Lyra asked, even more confused than before.

Ficksitup stared slack-jawed for a moment before just shaking her head. "Never mind, Lyra..." He gave a long breath. "You can run along now. I'll be over in the morning to give you a proper estimate on the work that needs to be done."

"Okay!" Lyra replied giving a nod. "See ya then!"

She waved bye to the stallion who just smiled and laughed back at her before turning to leave. Her steps were somewhat heavier now, as her thoughts gave them weight. The roof was going to cost as much as 400 bits to fix. That was kind of scary. Everything had just went into the rent so there wasn't much to spare. She looked downward and sighed. The gift she had ordered for Bon Bon had been 125 bits, enough to cover the repair if it was on the low end of what Mr. Ficksitup had told her.

Lyra's knees trembled. What should she do? The gift was custom made, but the maker was so thoughtful she just might be able to get a refund if she asked nicely. Would she be able to do that though? Could she give up on this gesture of love that she had invested so much in to put her bits instead toward repairing the moldy roof of the apartment Bon Bon hated so much? She felt entirely helpless as she ran it all through her mind. She just wanted to make Bon Bon truly happy; why did it have to be so hard?

Whatever her choice ultimately was she knew where she had to go now. Her hooves started to move faster until the familiar ornate building was in her sights. Carousel Boutique: this was where she'd have to make her choice. She gave a hard gulp and stepped toward the door. Nodding once to still her nerves, she walked in.