Chapter Four: The Fellowship Of Frantic Friends

Well I wasn’t expecting her to react that way about the sex. Iwasbeing tactful about it. Can’t a mare help another one experience the joys of a night out, deep intimacy, and learning about what they enjoy? If anypony needs it the most, it is lovely Twilight.

It was a very simple plan to begin with, Rarity thought: open up Twilight to the possibilities that a bit of sexual exploration could give her, and watch her confidence soar. Sex was almost always the worst the first time around, but at least Twilight would be able to grow and learn from it, like most ponies did. Emotions and body parts went wild the first time, nearly universally. The first run didn’t usually last long, as much as virgins might think otherwise. The librarian really needed to stop being so paranoid about it, but then again, asking Twilight to not be paranoid about something was a futile task.

Regardless, the flustered anger that Twilight had - much akin to Rainbow Dash’s, although not quite as cute if Rarity was asked about it  - had turned into the shy, rambling concern that Twilight  had when opening up about a subject she had little experience in. “So you want me to skip the first date stage and go... that far?” Twilight said. "Sounds a little... extreme. Like, a Rainbow Dash kind of extreme. That's not right, coming from you, Rarity."

Rarity sighed quietly, resting her forehooves gently on the table in front of her. A morning cup of caffeine was what both of them needed, and Plains Trotters had just about everything any of them could ask for. Outside of the library, it was the Elements favorite meeting and eating spot. The espresso was going to be needed as much today as it was during a hectic night of late night dress making. If this plan is going to succeed, I'm going to have to keep her from thinking too hard. Despite being a very smart pony herself, Rarity simply knew that the raw ponypower in Twilight's mind was frightful. She needed to keep her friend flustered, if she wanted to stay ahead.

It was time to try the motherly approach. She smiled sweetly at her friend. “Twilight, dear, you are twenty; I’m not saying that dating in the manner you are speaking of isn’t good, on the contrary. Once you’ve had a bit of fun I more than insist that is the route for a pony such as yourself, and I am more than happy to help you in any manner that I can. However, I think it’s time you... enter another rite of passage into adulthood, you could say.”

Twilight Sparkle mumbled incoherently, twirling a mixing spoon around in her tea. She rolled her eyes dismissively. “Thanks for the special treatment, mom," she said flatly. "What is this, a baptism by fire? I'm not sure it works like that, Rarity.”

“We all have to go through this, Twilight,” Rarity continued, leaning gently on the table. “You know how much I talk about my ideal colt? It’s because I have the confidence to know I can handle myself in all the manners that a relationship entails. I have that practical knowledge that you know full well tempers theoretical. You are very close to being able to handle that yourself, but until you are able to handle yourself emotionally and physically, you will flounder, and that’s the last thing the rest of us want.”

“When did you become my mother?” Twilight groaned, taking a long sip from her spiced tea. Her violet eyes had begun to cross in anger, and her tail flicked upward to add to the gesture. It only showed that Rarity's method of persuasion was working. She knew what lines she could cross.

Being defiant and yet seeking my advice? Rarity chuckled internally. I know how your shielding works my dear. “When I realized my friend needed a bit of help escaping her 'fortress of solitude',” Rarity quipped. “Come now, we already know you pleasure yourself, so it’s not as if you are completely unaware of the joys of self release. Is it a recently acquired talent?” Be blunt, kind, make her embarrassed, and advise, all at the same time. The best way to get through to you, Twilight, when you set your shields to full. And Rainbow Dash, oddly enough.

“Rarity!” Twilight hissed, her cheeks burning brightly, “that’s private! And we're in public!” She looked around to see if anypony else was listening in on their conversation. So far, the coast was clear, but the panic was still plattered on her muzzle.

One more punch. Rarity rolled her eyes. “I guess three years of friendship, near death and evil just doesn’t cover intimate details anymore. Oh, drat.”

“Fine, Rarity. Fine.” Twilight's tail thud on the stone beneath her, throwing her forehooves into the air. She crossed them over her chest afterwards, looking away from her friend with a pouting anger that Rarity knew all too well. Her victory. “Of course I know how too... clop, and that’s the truth! There’s nothing wrong with it and it’s completely natural." She broke out into a short laugh, shaking her muzzle from side to side. "I can't believe I'm telling you this. That we're talking about this."

And *there** you are,* Rarity hummed to herself mentally. We have breached the walls. She could feel her sapphire orbs gleam in personal satisfaction from not only working her own magic, but ready to hear her friend's woes. It was more important than a small ego stroking. “Then why are you so hidden about it? Surely you know we've all talked about it; Truth or Dare has brought out many secrets, although I would hardly call ‘self pleasure’ a secret. Your memory isextraordinary, Twilight, and I do not believe a bit of alcohol would ruin it.”

“Because it’s a taboo subject?” Twilight said firmly, tapping the table with a forehoof. She looked around once again for ghosts that were not there. Satisfied, she rested her forehooves on the table, taking a deep drought of her tea. "I'm not Rainbow Dash, or even slightly like Pinkie Pie."

"But I thought you were?"

Twilight smiled snidely at her friend's humor, much akin to her own. "Hate you, Rarity," she chuckled.

"Hugs and kisses for all of eternity, sweetie," Rarity winked. “Now correct me if I'm wrong, but did you say talking about sex with your closest friends is taboo? Oh do point to the social etiquette book that says this, as I would love to read it. Now come, you know full well dating surely will lead to sex eventually, and I am nearly certain you aren’t a waiting till marriage kind of mare, now are you?”

What shocked Rarity the most was, well, the response. It was a really simple thing really. It just came out of left field. “I... want to be... cuddled," Twilight sighed softly. Her posture and eyes softened, meekly staring at her tea, and looking much like the innocent mare she could be. "I get tense and well, the thought of somepony beside me to unwind after a long day of research sounds... enjoyable.” She clopped her forehooves loudly together in her signature sign of shyness. "And well... to test out some... theories, and so you are half right there. Or... fully right."

“And no 'pretty innocent princess' thoughts about it being repulsive unless he’s your ‘one true love’?” Rarity smiled at the concept, and watched her friend's smile grow in unison. The marble mare too, had aged a bit over the recent few years. It was asinine of her now to think of any pony being perfect. She herself was close though. One must be modest with themselves. And modest she was.

The logical side of her friend had taken over, much to Rarity's silent delight. Back to normal and frank Twilight. “Well of course I have some doubts,” she said, a peaceful and slightly excited smile crossing her muzzle. She raised a forehoof, her mind switching to what she was best: a calm and rational scientist. “Sex is an emotionally binding experience and chances are I’d not stay with them for long statistically.”

Rarity nodded softly, sipping her espresso. “Mmm. That's a real concern we all have; we don't want you to be hurt knowing that's the case, Twilight, and we’re here to help you sort through those feelings when they happen. I’m more than sure there is a colt around here or nearby not only attracted to you, but who will treat you right, and is more than willing to show an affectionate side.”

“Unless you think I can be detached from the beginning and just... uhh... ‘stand it’?" Twilight failed to repress a snort, letting the dry humor hover in the air. It was funny to her. That was all that matter. “Okay, I'm not that detached emotionally. You don’t have to worry about me going that far and being so sexually reclusive like that. Maybe you're right. I just need to open up a bit. It’s only a hyper minority of ponies who don’t mate before marriage. Sexual incapability is a variable I’m not keen on keeping unknown.”

“Or many variables for that matter,” Rarity giggled. Many variables indeed, she thought. “Don’t jump too far, Twilight dear. This is fun we are talking about, not wedding bells and dresses.” She sat back in her chair, feeling her pupils go wide in shock. “Did I... just say what I thought I said!?” I did... woe befall my lineage! It was a good thing she wasn't going to have any children.

With laughter bursting from her lungs, Twilight nearly fell over onto her side. “You did!” Rarity mumbled incoherently to herself in disapproval. The shame would never go away, unless it did later this evening. Hopefully. Or it was made worse. Either was for the betterment of Equestria. “And I guess when you put it that way, if there’s any way I want to explore myself, it’d be with my best friends. I just don’t want to rush into it.”

“Don’t worry, Twi’,” Dash said. “Exploring yourself is something I rock at, although I don’t think ‘friendship with benefits’ is a good idea with us, and that’s comin’ from me.”

Both of the unicorn’s screeched at the hovering pegasus behind them, thankful for the magic holding their hot drinks in check. “Where did you come from!?” they said in tandem.

Rainbow Dash idly shrugged. “Escaping from two earth ponies chasing after me about my sex life. Pretty much I'm kinda randy today."

"I'm truly shocked," Rarity said.

"I came to them lookin’ for help," Dash continued, "but no, they had to make fun of it. And... help me at the same time, but that's not important right now. At least I’m here to help ya Twi'."

“How much did you hear!?” Twilight cried, her composure having been blown apart as quickly as the winds passed underneath Rainbow's wings.

Rainbow shrugged again. She was very good at shrugging. “Just the last bit about cuddling ‘n touchy feely stuff ‘n how Rarity thinks you need your horn waxed. Which is all cool.”

“You could've at least announced yourself, Rainbow Dash, instead of snooping.” Rarity huffed, tugging on one of the pegasus' ears with a thrum of magic. Dash winced, flapping her wings harder in protest. “I was trying to open up Twilight so she could get the bravado to find a stable colt,” she continued. “I’m not seeking for Twilight to trot out and throw herself at the nearest stallion available. I'm simply suggesting that if she wishes to find a coltfriend, you and I know better in that she needs to dip into the water first." And here comes the pegasus smashing everything I worked so hard on. Why am I not surprised?

Twilight slammed her forehooves onto the table, anger trickling over her eyes. "Why are you talking about me as if I'm not even here, or a foal?" She protested. "Is this what Spike feels like around me?"

“It’s what my ear feels like." Rainbow growled at her friends. "And Pinkie grabbed my chest today, hard. And I worked out this morning. Can I get a break from physical stuff for once?” With a loud swoosh of her wings, Rainbow pulled back from Rarity’s magic, having strong enough wings to break away from Rarity's hold, although not without sending the unicorn squealing onto her back. Dash caught her friend's drink on one of her hind legs, scooping it up with a forehoof to sniff at the compressed beans. “Eww! It smells like concentrated death, and not the awesome kind of concentrated death.”

Twilight had buried her head in her forehooves, all of Rarity's efforts having collapsed and Twilight's shields were up and at full power once again. “Today is going to be awful,” she droned, shaking her snout from side to side. “I need something to eat before I want to scream. No, I just might scream anyways. Now Rainbow knows about this.”

Rainbow Dash slid beside Twilight, grinning widely as she folded her wings beside herself. “Now that’s a life question I wanna know; do you do that deep grunt of frustration ya do, or a little moan, or something high pitched when you clop?”

“Do you have any filter, Rainbow?” Twilight replied. Her amethyst eyes glowed like daggers into the cerise ones looking excitedly at her own, winning the battle of wills for the moment. Rainbow retreated with a meek, very faint sound of submission, coughing as if nothing had happened. It was impossible for Twilight not to smile in a small victory.

Rarity pulled herself up onto her seat once again, growling between her teeth at Rainbow Dash. “Welcome to you too, Miss Dash. I hope you've enjoyed your morning as much as we have.”We are now accepting passengers to the chemistry of Rainbow and Twilight’s minds dancing around each other. The train from Rainbow’s brutal trolling to Twilight’s dry snideness will be leaving shortly. We must warn those on board train on train collisions are common.

“Ehh, it’s been up and down, and not in the flying or plot bouncing kind of way,” Rainbow replied.

“Great," Twilight hissed, "now I have to deal with Rainbow talking about sex more than she does, and not in a funny way,” she mumbled.

"Hey!" Rainbow replied, flapping her wings once. "You find it funny too most of the time, you're just... a bit antsy right now. Like me." Her tone grew softer, biting her lower lips in the awfully adorable manner that she did. It hurt Rarity to look at it, as much as she would deny it.

Twilight stared at her drink dejectedly, tiredly blinking at the tea in front of her. “So when is the next monster going to attack before I have a seizure? I can't stop thinking about both of us now, and well, that's where I want the seizure to come in.”

However, do note that a line of playful energy to wised curiosity may be in the works... Rarity liked what she saw.

“Tsk tsk," Rarity began, waving her forehoof slowly at her two friends, "two mares in front of me needing some help from Rarity. Why am I not surprised?” She idly twirled a strand of purple hair, eyeing the two mares with a growing smile that was bordering on something more sinister than it needed to be. Or should be, for proper enjoyment. It is *time** to recover this, dear Rarity, and slyly weave them back into my trap once more. Wait no! Not trap! Plan...* It was a plan most cunning.

Dash and Twilight looked at each other, glancing between themselves and Rarity. “Can I get something to eat, before I think you talk about what I think you are about to talk about?” Rainbow chuckled nervously. “Because if you are about to talk about what I think you are about to talk about, I think this is a horrible idea, and I’ve had my share of horrible ideas.”

Rarity purred quietly at the two ponies in front of her, watching them both gulp down small balls of saliva down their muzzles. “We all know how open you are, Dashie dear, and I have a... hunch that Twilight is, as it is reasonable for a pony to judge someone by their hearts; what is between their legs is just an accepted outcome.”

“Oh hey look a perfect timing for me to jump into an awkward conversation and make it even more awkward-I have a tendency to do that but here you two will totally thank me!” Pinkie leaped onto a chair idly, crossing her hind legs as the fellow Elements cried in shock, falling over onto their backs. “See? I’m a life saver. Aren't you glad I can make problems go away so easily?"

Damn it all to Tartarus that rascal! Rarity cursed mentally. “Can we please not be scared like that again today?” Rarity frantically panted, pulling herself upright once again. “What if I got expresso on my coat and burned myself, or heavens forbid did some bodily function in fear!?” It would ruin *everything*, and there is only so much I can handle before I faint or get my couch!

Rainbow pulled herself up to lean on the table, fatigue slowly working its way across her eyes. Working out, having her sex life examined in a manner she didn't want it to be examined in, and having mind games played on her weren't conductive to energy. “Then I’d be laughing so hard I’d most likely join you, if I wasn't tired.”

“Pinkie Pie, don’t do that, you scared the crap out of us!” Twilight sighed, tapping the mare on the nose. “Although on second thought... it was getting a bit weird. Thanks.”

“No problem, Twi’,” Pinkie tittered. “I’m here to serve the public in any way I can, other than what Rainbow immediately thought of. No, Dashie, no.” It was best that thought was never brought up again, but it would be.

“Whatever,” Rainbow said dismissively, waving a wing at the grinning earth mare. “Now I got the post-adrenal fatigue. I need a drink.”

“You see, Twilight? This is why you don’t drink early, despite the very large temptation you may have to do so,” Rarity said. “Rainbow Dash is the living example of alcoholism hidden deep within an athlete. Why do you think those scandals always happen to those at the top?” Both of them stressed? Check. Depressed? Check. One wizened and the other inexperienced? Check.

“Screw you, Rarity, and not with anything arousing," Rainbow groaned. Her muzzle collapsed on the table, cerise eyes staring off into space. "Energy drink. That sounds good right now. Although drinking is tempting too.”

“I’ve got ya covered, RD. Now let’s all settle down, and sort through our problems like grown mares ‘n figure what in the hay we’ve all trotted ourselves into.”

Unlike both the entrances of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, Applejack had clearly made her presence known, rolling a can of concentrated willpower off of her hat onto a forehoof. “I knew you girls would be here, and by the look of panic on y’all’s faces - except you, Pinkers - I see we got ourselves a crisis that needs to be roped in before it turns into a tornado.”

Dash accepted the can with a quickly spreading grin at the nectar of the old Pegasi’ gods in delight. As Applejack pulled up a chair around the circular table, the situation was indeed one that the five mares needed to fix. Six, if one included the sunshine colored pegasus humming happily to herself as she half danced toward her friends.

The other Elements raised their eyebrows - other than Pinkie, who simply giggled - at the raw delight coming from Fluttershy’s frame. It was Twilight who threw up her forehooves in thanks to the improbable impossibilities of chance working toward her favor. “Thank you!” she cheered. “Thank you! Somepony whoclearly isn’t insane today."

"But I haven't-" Applejack began, only to be interrupted by the lavender unicorn.

"Please tell me, Fluttershy, you are doing perfectly fine, aren’t possessed by some evil mind controlling entity that would still make today better than what I’ve been forced to go through, and can at least be a voice of reason to my other friends who are trying to either set me up with another friend, flirting with me, or controlling my sex life?”

"So, Twilight, how's your sex life?" Pinkie asked in a weird accent.

“Rarity or Rainbow or Pinkie is settin’ you up with who now?” Applejack blinked, sitting herself down. "First Pinkie's been frisky, then Rainbow, and now the rest of y'all are? Why do I have the feelin' this is gonna be a long day?"

Rainbow exhaled happily, sipping her Mooster, feeling the chemicals flush her system. “I’m not setting up anypony; it’s Rarity trying to maybe get Twilight to date me-”

“-I am not-you two would grow much from each other!" No! I was supposed to have this under control, how could I let it slip away!? Is *this** what Nightmare Moon must of felt like?*

Pinkie lifted up her forehooves, pushing away the idea physically. “Woah, Rarity. Friendship with benefits is not gonna work with the whole Harmony thing going. I should know!"

Twilight had resulted to thudding her head on the table, which was the best thing she could do for her intellect. “Mental breakdown in five, four, three."

“Girls. Shh.”

With a gentle flutter of her wings, Fluttershy sat down to complete the circle of the Elements. She looked calm and serene, more so than she normally did. Angelic peace was more apt for Fluttershy at the moment, and it didn’t seem like she would change from that mindset any time soon. “I think, we all need to settle down,” she said sweetly. “Today is going to be very fun, and you all look like you need to open up and talk. Now, why don’t we all relax, take deep breaths, and get this out early. I’m sure more will come out tonight, but until then, we should enjoy the rest of our day doing whatever we want.”

“Flutters’ is right,” Applejack nodded, smiling to the pegasus. “I think we all need to settle down, maybe nibble on somethin’, and figure out exactly what is goin’ on, cause I think I’m confused."

Alright, we have two veryreasonable mares here to back me up, Rarity sighed mentally. All I have to do is relax, take it easy as Twilight would during a world ending event, gently push the conversation in one direction, set something up, and-

Sometimes, genius came in white and lovely furred packages. Oh. Oh, *Rarity, you* ***wondrousmare. You wondrous, **wondrous mare. Play your cards well and this could go without a hitch. Not only will your friends have lovely new looks, but you might make this night far better than any that we've ever had. You are a devil, and you should be* proudof that. Just... try not to cry yourself to sleep about the monetary expense. She put all of her energy and focus into regaining the composure that her muzzle and voice once had. She would need it.

The world should be thankful she wasn't a dictator in the making. "I think," Rarity enunciated, "what we need to do, is eat something, and fill in what we all don't know," she said smoothly. "Nothing some idle chatter and fact finding can not fix. Don't you agree, Twilight?"

Twilight nodded slowly, her purple eyes looking back with determination into Rarity's own. Excellent, Rarity mentally trilled. "And you need to explain why you think Rainbow and I should-"

Rarity waved a forehoof dismissively at her friend's statement. "A misunderstood slip, but why don't I treat you all out for lunch, because I think after sorting things out, I have a very big idea for tonight."

Rainbow Dash glanced at the fellowship of Elements in concern, swallowing down a large chug of her drink. She almost choked on it. "I don't like the sound of this," Rainbow coughed.

"But it's free food Rainbow, how can you forget that offer?" Pinkie beamed. "And I don't have to pay for it. So it's a double whammy of amazingness!"

Applejack looked skeptic at the idea until Fluttershy clopped her forehooves in approval. "That's a wonderful idea, Rarity. Empty stomachs aren't going to solve anything. You all are tense and there's nothing like nutritional food to help."

Yes. Help.