Ethanol, Elements, and Estrogen

Fluttershy had many reasons to be happy. She wasn't even stoned yet.

It had been over three years since the six fillies had become best friends, despite how different they could all be from one another. It showed how strong their unity was, despite their clashing personalities and desires. Yes, four of her friends had an awfully sharp sense of sarcasm, but it didn't hurt them in the long run. They all forgave each other and loved one another, no matter how many insults could fly at the drop of a hoof.

Today was different though. It just seemed that some unknown stressor was effecting them, and that was what made a motherly instinct inside of Fluttershy kick in. She was determined to help her friends in any way she could, and if Rarity offered to help, than that was fine and dandy too.

Once the food started flowing and some water to fight the mild summer heat was served - dehydration surely didn't help - her friends seemed to relax more and more; she too could get peeved at not properly eating, and there was nothing wrong with that. It was only natural, and in the end, ponies were natural creatures. "So it seems that, Rainbow: you might be looking for a pony to settle down with," Fluttershy said, swirling a spoon through her cauliflower soup. "And, Twilight: you are looking for your first playmate."

Rainbow nodded, suckling down pieces of marinara covered calamari. Fluttershy's oldest friend drank water like a fish and was almost always instantly perked up by any offering of seafood. And there's nothing wrong with that too, she thought. While a vegetarian herself, Pegasi' could and did digest seafood if they so chose to. It's just part of the circle of life, and fish can't talk anyways. With her energy drink in hoof, Rainbow Dash looked chipper.

"That pretty much sums it up," Rainbow nodded, swirling another piece through tomato sauce. "I'm not in heat, so that's not making it worse. Maybe I just bottle in too much you know? Tesla Coil left a bad taste in my mouth. And well..."

"So that's why you haven't moved on huh?" Applejack said, chewing her spinach sandwich loudly. "Caboose filled with baggage? I thought that was Rarity's job." She gave Rarity a wink, fully remembering the camping trip the three mares went on.

Rarity rolled her eyes at Applejack’s comment as Rainbow chuckled, continuing her thoughts. "You could say that. I guess I just don't feel like I can be that intimate safely; don't want a pony getting close to me only to drop me you know? I'm deeper than I look."

"So you are a hoof deep instead of half of one?" Rarity smiled. "I thought you could take more Rainbow; you are falling behind on your training, and with how much you work out you need to be properly fit to function."

The pegasus both blushed and snorted loudly in her failed attempt to repress laughter, choking on a piece of squid to the resounding giggles of her friends. Friendship at its finest.

"I'm so glad you all are back to being the lovely fillies that you are." Fluttershy sighed peacefully. She had accepted what her friends had become. It was for the best. "I'm sure we can help you open up more, Rainbow, just as I'm sure we can help you, Twilight." She wrapped a wing gently around the purple unicorn, giving her a calm smile.

"Thanks girls, when you aren't giving me all migraines," Twilight smirked with a roll of her eyes, sipping her tomato bisque soup. "I should've known you girls would help me, but I guess since this is so... personal, I didn't know what to say." She clopped her forehooves together nervously. "And I guess I'm... heh... maybe in estrus?"

"Twilight dear, it isn't as if ponies aren't naked in public anyways and aren't used to us being in heat." Rarity twirled her fork through her Caesar salad idly. "Society would collapse if mares just went berserk during their cycles.” She looked at Fluttershy with a gentle smile. “Fluttershy dear, I have to tell you, do you know sometimes you just, radiate tranquility? It's why you make a wonderful model."

Fluttershy blushed softly at the compliment. Maybe it's because I'm preparing myself for tonight, she thought. Not that I'm a bully or anything tipsy! I *do** seem able to make ponies feel at peace though, but ponies seem to like it. Peace is peaceful.* If there was anypony in Equestria who enjoyed peace, it was Fluttershy. Although every once in awhile, such as nights like tonight, getting wild was half the fun.

"And I wanna know what you have planned for us, Rarity, and what's the deal with you thinking that Twilight and Dashie should hook up?" Pinkie said. She too, had been mellowed out from her calzone and contained can of Mooster. Those silly fillies and their bottled energy, Fluttershy thought. Twilight told me once about her theory on Pinkie Pie and caffeine. Something about... oh I can't remember. She'd have to ask Twilight about it later.

Rarity tapped her forehooves gently on the table, letting out a quiet sigh. “What I meant to say was that as Rainbow Dash is the most... experienced of us. Twilight should seek her advice on how to handle herself when flirting, with careful observation from the rest of us. Careful, observation.” The other Elements nodded their heads gently in understanding. Rarity leaned back for a moment, filing a hoof as she took a bite of her salad. “In return, I think Fluttershy and I can help you over the weeks find someone more long term for you, Dash. Don’t you agree?”

Rainbow was positively blooming with delight. She wasn't exactly well known for her ability to hide her satisfaction with something. A swishing, excited tail that was a solid six colored spectrum of look-at-me didn't help either. And she's so adorable like that too! Fluttershy hummed internally. “So I get to help Twilight score, you’ll help me find a better pony then Tessie, I get free food, and this is mostly happening tonight!?” Rarity nodded, a squee emitting from Rainbow Dash’s muzzle in delight. She twitched at the high pitched sound, despite the rest of the Elements grinning at the Dash's joy. “Oh my gosh, that is totally awesome!” The pegasus wrapped a wing firmly around Twilight. “Oh my gosh I am gonna find the colt for you!”

“Or mare,” Rarity added.

“Or ma-hey wait a minute,” Dash said, flicking an ear. “I’m not gonna force anything on Twi’. Just cause my nimbus blows in all directions doesn’t mean hers does.”

Twilight was colored more akin to the soup she was formerly drinking than her own lavender. Her wars folded by the sides of her muzzle in shyness. “W-w-well, as Rarity said earlier, one should love a pony on their heart,” she nervously chuckled. “Not to mention we do have wonderfully curved... posteriors.”

“Now, Twi’, that’s nothin’ to be ashamed about,” Applejack said, tipping her hat sagely. “As if the rest of y’all don’t have barn doors that swing both ways. Or hay, most mares in Equestria.”

“Woah woah woah, us?” Pinkie gasped. “Excuse me, who’s the one who rolled in the hay with that girl from the Neightherlands last year in Bayston?”

“That doesn't count!” Applejack whinnied, slamming her forehooves onto the table. “She raped me! I may be strong, but she was a borderline rhino!”

“Umm, I hate to correct you, Applejack,” Fluttershy said, tapping her forehooves together nervously, “but you were neighing really, really loudly, and that was from across the motel. I had to sleep in the park.” Sure Granny Smith doesn't like that, but Applejack should know she’s safe with us.

Her thoughts clearly were not conveying themselves to the earth mare in question. “I was drunk ‘n had a hit of reefer, I couldn't speak properly! Y’all know I was cryin’ afterwards!” It was a fantastic defense.

"Like, please," Pinkie chirped, resulting in a grin from Rainbow. "We were all like, 'Applejack, what are you doing with that marefriend of yours,’ and all we could hear was-" Pinkie's tongue and lips merged to form a slurping, bubbling gurgle of sounds half drooling from her mouth, cascading into a chorus of chuckles from the other Elements. Fluttershy too, was repressing pent up snorts at how flustered Applejack was that morning after. Oh my gosh, she was *completely** gone! It was adorable! She could barely stand and was just so clumsy!*

 Applejack snorted air from her nose, not amused in the least as her forehooves folded in front of her chest. "Here I am, tryin' to be helpful, and I get made fun of for havin' a good time last year." The sharp ruby that exploded over her face wasn’t helped by the way her eyes darted about in panic. Her poker face was legendary. "W-w-wait I mean-"

"Oh ho ho, you had more than that by the 'after action report' you did!" Rainbow said, her voice cracking as she fell backwards onto the ground in squealing cackles of sadistic bliss.

“I... I should have sent Celestia a report about it,” Twilight choked, barely able to speak. Her neck had given up trying to support her head, muzzle resting on the table as she pounded a hoof on its surface. Her breathing barely held in check at their first New Year's Eve party out of town. “D-d-dear Celestia, Applejack today learned about the beauty of being open minded. S-s-sometimes, different cultures do-" She couldn't finish, falling over onto her back as the entire restaurant stared at the six mares - or five with one very pissed looking one - going ballistic.

Applejack sputtered as her friends broke out into gales of laughter, giving each and every one of them a dark stare from her green eyes. It didn't stop the laughing. “Oh damn all of you to Tartarus ‘n get fondled by billy goats. I like strong mares. Kiss my round flank cheeks.”

They had all needed the burst of euphoria. Fluttershy could not help herself but join in, something that would've made her catatonic only two years ago. We all can laugh at ourselves, as Pinkie would say. Around friends, we all can open up and enjoy ourselves. “It’s okay, Applejack,” Fluttershy giggled. She hovered over to the pouting Applejack, wrapping a forehoof around her side supportively. “You don’t need to take it so hard. It’s not like tonight one of us won't do something we won't laugh at. It'll most likely be me too.” And there's nothing wrong with that. I am a silly filly at times.

“I think... I think that’s what I needed, and that was to pull a muscle laughing.” Rainbow Dash cooed drunkenly as she pushed herself up back onto her seat, wiping away the budding tears forming in the corners of her eyes. “I also think I need a pony who wasn't a plothole like Tesla. She was super kinky, but she reminded me too much of Gilda; or really old me; or Applejack hurt about her love of freshly spread, Germaney mare butter.”

Applejack could not help but spread the smallest of smiles from the corners of her fiery cheeks. "W-well she tasted as good as she looked, but damn she chipped a tooth when I tried her." The smile grew with every passing second. "I got'er good with my thighs around her neck though afterwards."

It was Fluttershy who broke the six again. "R-r-revenge tastes so cidery sweet?" she whispered. Dash cried out in painful joy as the reckless laughter continued, soon enough cascading in the oak table being pounded and kicked by mares lost in hysteria. Oh my gosh! I said something funny, sober! Oh my gosh I'm putting that in my diary! She squeed loudly inside of her own head. It was a life accomplishment worthy of note.

"P-p-please you two," Twilight panted, resting her snout on the table, "I'm... I'm dying. That was... the funnest three days of my life! We have to do something like that again!" Her eyes stared wildly into space, letting out a content sigh at the memories. They were memories that would have made her either puke or ponder genocide only three years ago. Her friends were lovely company.

"Oh my gosh we totally do!" Pinkie rumbled, bouncing onto and on top of her seat. "Oh my gosh, I was so tipsy but is it my fault that Bayston lager is so tasty-no it isn't!" Pinkie oinked out rolling, pulsating giggles from her muzzle. "Oh horsies... I was so sore the morning after! Gobbling is so much fun. Why am I so good at it?"

Rainbow Dash wrapped a forehoof around Pinkie's side. "Lots, and lots, of practice, Pinkie. I can admit, I take second place to you on that."

Rarity couldn't keep herself from both tittering and blushing at the memories. Even she needed a break from it all from time to time. Or a lot of the time, if one knew her dramatic flare up issues. She leaned forward scandalously, letting a prideful smile spread across her muzzle. "But you all had to admit the stallion I got from Stablehelm was nothing short of hot," she rumbled. "He was the kind of a colt that would not last around Ponyville; not with me around, at least."

"Uhh, duh?" Rainbow growled huskily, her wings twitching delightfully. "Did you see his plot? Reminds me a lot about myself, if I was, ya know, from Scandineighvia."

"Oh I saw more than that, I just didn't tell you about it," Rarity rumbled to the envious moans of her friends. "Let's just say... oh no, I promised I would not tell!"

"Truth or Dare question tonight!" Pinkie clopped her forehooves together excitedly. "I'm so glad Celestia didn't know we went there. That... wouldn't be good."

Twilight groaned at the thought of it, rolling her eyes to banish it to the recesses of her mind. "I think that's perhaps the biggest understatement anyone of us has ever made, ever." She sat back up in her seat, pulling her mane back into place with a quick thrum of magic. "The last thing I want is for her to get into my sex life. Shining does that enough, as do my parents. And, it seems, you all." She chuckled dryly. "Guess it comes with being me, doesn't it?"

Rainbow drank her mug of water swiftly, coughing at the air trapped in her lungs. "Sorry we just want you to have like, the best life ever, Twilight. Horrible isn't it? The unicorn kept her expression at smug indifference, Dash winking playfully at her. "So,” Dash continued with a loud clop of her forehooves, “back to sex."

"I'm shocked again," Rarity hummed.

"You started it," Dash replied, sticking out her tongue. "Why are Scandineighvian's so hot? Hey. He's all I can think about right now, thanks to you, Rarity."

"Well, they live in a cold place, and that shrinks things, so they get big things down there, to compensate when it gets warm!" Pinkie reasoned. "Well, okay, that doesn't explain everything else, and that doesn't mean everything, but I mean, otherwise, how would farm ponies breed?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Applejack asked flatly. "I'm... not sure if I should be angry, or confused. I think I'm both."

Rainbow raised a forehoof. "It means that ya need something sturdy to fill ya. You know, big stallions ‘n stuff. Size counts for farm ponies. Not that I'm a size queen. W-they just have, uhh... aero... dynamics? "

"Are you callin' me loose, thunder thighs?" Applejack blew out a trundle of steam from the end her muzzle, leaning forward to glare at Rainbow Dash.

“No, Jackie,” Pinkie added, “she’s saying that if ya did non-Germaney ponies they’d most likely fall out cause-ohh...”

Applejack smacked her tail on the ground, her dense blonde hair having a resounding thud on the cobblestone. “I let ya prod at my hay life, but callin’ my gate broken in from plush pink lips and bulging blue behind just doesn't cover it.”

“Hey, I just meant you guys like big packages! And I do have thunder on my thighs,” Rainbow said. “Size isn’t a big deal for me as long as it’s averageish. Just sayin’ earth ponies need... uhh... oh... shit.”

Fluttershy squeaked softly. Her silence wasn't helping the situation. Nor was the talking about sex. That, was clearly the issue, and she wasn't an expert on that subject. Still, the last thing Ponyville needed was Applejack and Rainbow Dash fighting each other over sexual insults. In public. Over a misunderstanding. It tended to happen a lot. “Calm down you two,” Fluttershy said sweetly. “It was all fun and games. R-right, Pinkie Pie?”

“Yeah, but that wasn't nice!” Pinkie pouted, sticking out her bottom lip. “It’s just a joke, Jackie."

“Come now, there’s no reason to be so bullheaded, dears,” Rarity said, smiling sweetly to her fillyfriends. “Save the insults for when we only remember them in the morning.”

“Rainbow’s plothole is bullheaded,” Applejack muttered, blowing a loose strand of blonde mane from her eyes.

Four mares glared at her, their eyes turning into slits at the comment. It was all that needed to be said.

“Wow, mature,” Twilight said. "Glad to see we can handle this like adults."

Fluttershy, simply didn't know what to do. Any peace she had was replaced by her stuttering, bumbling indecisiveness. “Umm, girls,” Fluttershy whispered, “can we-”

“Sheesh you said it-” Pinkie began, only to be interrupted by a hovering, snorting Rainbow.

"Can we leave my butthole out of this, I was born that way! I'm having a love life crisis here, AJ, and Twilight needs a good pony for her first. The last thing I need is to be paranoid about how my airstrip looks when I’m helpin’ her. Sorry mine gets me more than ponies whose names are a fruit or a metal.” If Applejack had damaged the mood in the room, Rainbow Dash had destroyed it into a million pieces. She was good at that.

“Incoming,” Rarity whistled.

Okay, just let them fight it out, and everything will be alright. Fluttershy quietly sighed to herself. Stopping an Applejack and Rainbow fight without Twilight shoving them apart was akin to stopping Rainbow and Pinkie Pie from doing something insane; you simply didn’t know either of the three mares involved.

Pinkie Pie blinked rapidly in amusement, slurping on her Mooster as loudly as possible. “Boy, that escalated quickly.”

Applejack pressed her forehooves onto the table, doing everything but tipping it over as she dug into the wood, standing herself up. “Oh buck you, Rainbow, you may be a sarcastic little twit-”

“-thanks for the confidence boost apple hoofer-”

"-yer welcome, but I care for ya girl, despite all the jokin' around we do and you know that, even when you’re a puffy green fart cloud. I love ya in a sisterly, non-incest related way, so that’s why I’m so defensive of you ‘n things, and that’s why you shouldn’t make fun of me when I’m tryin’ to be decent. So don’t poke fun of yer older sister... protecting... you.” She paused to reflect on her words. The farmer bit her bottom lip in thought, constructing her next sentence slowly. “I... I knew you were planning on somethin' there, so I had to close that door ahead of time from the incest joke. Or... somethin’."

Rainbow broke down into a series of choking snorts. “Nice job keepin’ up with the alpha mare insults, AJ; good job keepin’ cool. A for effort.”

Applejack huffed out chuckles in return. “Well my lips aren’t as practiced as yours.”

“I take that as a compliment I can please ponies who come near me,” Rainbow preened, landing back down on her seat. "Might not be quite as good as Pinkie, but I'd say I leave them satisfied customers."

Pinkie bounced contently in seat, spinning around in delight. “Wee! Everything went better than expected! Whew! I thought this would be a fight, aren’t I glad-”

“Well ya know what they say, RD,” Applejack smirked, “loose lips sink airships.”

Twilight winced. “Or... not.”

No! We had this under control! Why is this rarely an issue when they are intoxicated?

Because they don’t stay angry long drunk, or, not as much as often! We have to do something!

Her yellow fur felt sweat dripping down her skin, watching what was once a controlled orchestra of harmony turn into a battle between an electric guitar and furious fiddle. But what? she asked herself. She came up blank.

Rainbow burst across the table with a crack of air behind her, pressing her muzzle firmly into Applejack's. “Loose, lips?! Excuseme, gunta. I’m the second tightest here, Flapplejack.”

“I donot flap," Applejack growled, pushing her snout into Rainbow's.  "But with what ya got under yer tail yer butthole flaps, ponies just don’t tell ya about it.”

“I present to you a mare who has her own business, ladies and gentlecolts,” Rarity hummed, filing her hooves once again casually.

Fluttershy whimpered in defeat, leaning into Rarity submissively, her aqua eyes looking up at Rarity’s own. “S-s-should I Stare them? I don’t want to go that far but-”

“There, there, Fluttershy,” Rarity cooed, kissing Fluttershy's forehead. “Rarity has this taken care of. Don't you worry about it. Let them fight it out for a bit longer, and everything will be alright.”

"Arion’s piss, AJ, I knew you kissed dirt but do you like my tailhole that much?” Rainbow’s tail flicked angrily behind herself. “You should've told me since you see it all the time tryin’ to catch me. Wanna give it a kiss? Show Twilight how it’s done?”

“Okay, that, is kinda hot!” Pinkie beamed. "I'd pay to see that!"

“I have a headache at the stupidity of my friends,” Twilight whined. “Why don’t you all just get toys and relax? Do I have to do a ex-” Her face flushed a blaring red as that thought crossed her mind, covering her snout.

Rarity stroked Twilight's shoulder gently, giving her cheek a light kiss. “There, there, I’ll make this all better soon. Just you watch. And you can count me out on that ‘gala’ gleefully. Sorry, Twilight.”

The two bickering Elements kept on bickering, which was a shock to noone watching the scene, including every table around them. “I don’t need to kiss your pegapucker when you’ll be chewin' on mud,” Applejack spat. “Because I’ll show you thunderfart how much gas is inside yer behind when I kick it!”

Rarity slammed her trimmed forehooves on the table, her eyelashes curled to look like scimitars. She stood up on her hind legs, tail stuck up in a coiled spiral of channeled fury. Tartarus had no fire like the icy core of Rarity’s sapphire eyes beaming diamond wrath on her foes.

“I swear to Vogue,” she began, “thatI will mud wrestle Applejack for you Rainbow Dash, and that is a Pinkie Pie Promise, if you both sit down, listen to what I have planned and me trying to make tonight the best, night, ever, and shut, the fuck, up!”

Silence. Not a sound was heard from the table, nor the tables around it, nor the restaurant, nor the whole street surrounding them. Everypony stopped and looked not in anger, but in fear. Fear of the marble unicorn. She wasn’t panting, or seething in anger, but the arctic ice hissing from her chilled orbs spoke of rage unseen; it spoke of vengeance repressed for eons, using the brief moments of explosive release to open up the doors to her teeming, chilled inferno. They didn’t even need to be visible. Her posture alone had transcended the levels of even the Stare. No one was cowering. It was as if time had stopped, and all eyes were on her, ready to do as she commanded.

Rarity didn't seem to care. Rarity didn't care about the aura of raw power escaping from her coat and the trickling magic sending faint, misty due around her form. Fluttershy was not scared herself; no, she was in awe. Was this how ponies felt under her own gaze? Did she command something near this level of intimation?

“That, is better,” Rarity whispered, slowly sinking herself down on her chair, twirling her fork through her salad as a soldier would with a dagger on their hoof. Her coat was slightly damp from the residue magic that gleamed cool water down her frame, and yet it only added to both her beauty, and her allure of charisma.

“I am only going to say this once,” Rarity said. Slowly the world seemed to return to life. No colt or mare dared to call her out on her anger. The thoughts of having a second round be returned would be agony itself. “I recently came up with this, but as you all know, unlike Rainbow, and much more like wonderful Twilight, my plans are usually great ones. This one, is a fantastic one. I want to make this night the start of a series of events that will truly, change our lives for the better, and I have the determination and creativity to make it so.”

She pressed her forehooves together firmly, blue orbs slowly looking at the focused, beautifully colored eyes of her peers. “So let me speak, and we shall do it, and I shall let you all go back to your buffoonery and I may join you soon enough. Any questions?”

Five heads collectively shook their snout.

“Good.”