Salt Mine!

This chapter is purely for the comedy- I pretty much made it with Gizoogle. Same chapter, just... gizoogled up.

Da stars spread out, decoratin tha night sky, like sea reflects tha light up in twilight. I had mah head up obviously. I was lookin all up in tha sky up all up in tha window. Couldn’t chill, you know.

By now, I had obtained nuff thangs up in Equestria, mah own deal of land, n' mah own lil doggy den on tha straight-up edge of Ponyville like a muthafucka. Everythang was goin fine fo' mah dirty ass.

Until tonight.

I had mah own computer n' shit. Twilight juiced it up wit tha help of scientists, afta I straight-up lost mah salty marblez cuz of tha lack of human-grade technologizzle up in Equestria. I had even threatened ta take mah own game. When dat didn’t work, I threatened ta tell dem tha saddest rap I eva heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They scoffed at me- but I flossed em. I holla'd at dem tha rap of "Hachi" n' busted dem all tha fuck into salty tears.

(Hachi is tha tale of dat loyal dawg whoz ass dropped nearly a thugged-out decade waitin fo' his crazy-ass masta ta return, whoz ass had took a dirt nap n' would never come back. Rainbow Dash was apparently bawlin like a funky-ass baby- Must be cuz dat biiiiatch was tha Element of Loyalty, n' realized dat dawg had mo' loyalty up in his ass than dat thugged-out biiiatch could eva have up in her game. Remember her Discorded mode?)

SMASH! Went mah window as dat shiznit was busted open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "WAAAAAAGH!" I fell tha fuck outta mah bed, smashin mah naughty bits off of tha railing. I held back tearz of salt up in pain as I crawled ta tha door, groanin up in agony.

"Saaalt... mmm..." Da familiar voice of Trixie Lulamoon sung up ta me up in a serenade of hellish, lustful temptation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin leg was suddenly grabbed by a magical force.

Wait, Trixie?! Da hell?

"RAPE! RAAAPE- MMMPH! MMMPH!" I screamed, before mah grill was plugged by tha magic force.

Trixie grabbed mah crazy ass up in her magic field, flippin me over n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch busted out tha grasp on mah grill, climbin on top of mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch pressed her lips against mine, french-kissin mah dirty ass. I panicked, n' pulled back. "TRIXIE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-MMPFFFHFH!!!" Biatch busted mah crazy ass again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Her grill was larger than mah own, so she easily sucked n' forced her tongue tha fuck into mah grill. Dear lord, her tongue was rough, n' dat dunkadelic hoe smoked remarkably salty.

Bitch pulled her muthafuckin ass away (reluctantly) ta say, "Ever since dat dizzle two muthafuckin years ago... I couldn’t git it outta mah head... Mmnnn," Biatch moaned seductively as she licked tha side of mah neck like a whore, relishin up in tha lil' small-ass beadz of sweat dat was produced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "So dirty... so... mmmnnn! Salty..." Biatch muttered under her breath.

‘What tha fuck is up wit dis shit!, biatch? Wait a tick...’

• - - - - - - - Two Years Ago.

I arrived up in Equestria all up in a mishap of some sort. I didn’t give a shit, all dis explanation went over mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Somethang bout "do you like bananas?" n' tha universe up in tha shape of a thugged-out donut fo' realz. At least tha ponies didn’t care much dat I was a human.

But of course, I was up in Ponyville. Not trippin' off mah time there, ta be real up in yo' faaaaaace biaaatch! Of all tha places I’d wanna go, one of dem was not Equestria. I was a Brony before yo, but afta season three, I just grew a big-ass hatred fo' tha show. I left it behind, n' now dat shiznit was bitin me up in tha ass.

Hard.

So ta git thangs movin along, I attended a party. Things was holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Drinks was drank fo' realz. Accidents happened, ponies flossed off, n' then tha WORST. THING. EVER happened ta me, of all beings muthafucka!

Trixie taste-tested mah junk. Fuck dat shit, it happened against mah will, I swear fo' realz. And mah playas saw dat shit. Dat shiznit was a funky-ass bet, aiiight!, biatch? We played ‘Spin tha Bottle’ n' dat shiznit was between nearly a hundred damn ponies (includin mah dirty ass yo, but I was a human) fo' realz. And tha bet was dat somepony would git mah dirty ass.

So I thought not a god damn thang of it, thankin it’s one outta a hundred chizzle dat I’d git picked.

What fuckin luck, right, biatch? What FUCKIN’ luck! Four unicorns had ta hold mah crazy ass back from kickin her ass, one of dem was Twilight Sparkle (the powerhouse). I was like, one up in five 'stallions' all up in tha party fo' realz. And you know what, biatch? I was hopin ta git truth, dammit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since equine dicks is probably bigger than human dicks, I felt humiliated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Especially when all of dem sat close n' fuckin watched Trixie fellate mah dirty ass. In turn, I went tha fuck into total berserker mode.

And oh, I broke dem cuffs, n' gots tha hell outta there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I locked mah dirty ass up in Fluttershy’s shed fo' a week, refusin ta come out. Dear fuckin Christ I was embarrassed, embarrassed of mah dirty ass when I strutted down tha street, hearin mares ghetto hype bout mah dirty ass. They couldn’t even whisper, tha piecez of shit!

• - - - - - - - Back To Present Events.

This was startin ta push all mah right buttons yo, but I had ta resist. I had ta think! I had ta git up son! I needed ta distract mah dirty ass. ‘Don’t give up in ta tha mothafuckin’ ho, mothafucka!’ My fuckin inner Stinkmeaner yelled all up in mah grill up in mah mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ‘Or may Dogg guide mah pimp-smackin’ hand n' have mercy on you, ‘cause I'ma beat tha livin’, mothafuckin’ salty balls outta yo' cracka’ ass, NYUGGAAAH!’

‘Nuff props, Inner Stinkmeaner playa! NIGGA GIVE ME STRENGTH!’ I soon found mah dirty ass pushin against... magic cuffs, biatch? "I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!" I yelled.

"Yo ass can’t break dem cuffs, n' you know dat shit... you beast," Biatch purred sultrily, lickin her lips.

"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!" I groaned as I pulled, pushed n' twisted wit all mah might fo' realz. Alright, I might done been exaggeratin a lil (a lot) yo, but I wanted out.

"Yes yes y'all, mah love... struggle. Work up a sweat. It’s so intoxicating," Trixie busted up in a low voice.

‘Ya hear dat nyuggah?! Yo ass dumbass biiiatch, dat biiiiatch wants you ta struggle like a lil biaaatchhh, CAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE BIZZNITCH WANTS, NYUGGAAAH!’ My fuckin inner Stinkmeaner yelled all up in mah face. I needed a freshly smoked up Inner voice biaaatch! Come ta me, Tristan Taylor!

‘Holy sh-BEEP on a cold-ass lil crap sandwich!’ Well fuck you too, Tristan!

Bitch tore off mah clothes, ta reveal every last muthafuckin last inch of sweat-covered skin, n' mah boxers. Did I mention dat shiznit was a funky-ass bangin' night of all thangs, biatch? No AC either n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Should’ve axed fo' dat instead of a pc wit no internet. Da unicorn glared at mah crotch, lickin her lips up in immense anticipation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "No no, no no!" I begged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "NOT NOW! I’M STILL A VIRGIIIN!!! NOT THE VAG! NOT THE VAG! IT’S ON MY-" I was then silenced by her magic.

Damn you, inner Nicolas Cage!

"Da mere thought of tha Great n' Powerful Trixie chillin wit such a gangbangin' filthy creature as yo ass is..." Trixie stopped rappin', saliva formin up in her grill n' fallin a lil' bit from her lips fo' realz. All dis salt must have made her body create extra spit. "Disgusting..." Biatch whispered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Oh crap... please let dat be drool I was feelin between her legs. I winced as da hoe fuckin started ta slide down n' down, lickin me every last muthafuckin centimeter of tha way. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gots so tha fuck into it dat her big-ass booty stopped, lickin every last muthafuckin one of mah appendages, includin mah toes. Once I was calmed, she busted out her magic on mah grill.

Alright, dis was straight-up startin ta git ta mah dirty ass... dear Christ, she looks so-- NO. Fuck dat shit, I'ma not give in! No matter how tha fuck much I want to, I'ma NOT give up in ta dis wack dirty Trixie. Then again, "Sexy... so sexy... you’re fuckin dirty I’m restrained..." I purred.

"Am I now, nahmeean?.., biatch? Oh, whatever would you do ta me, biatch? Whatever could you do ta me, biatch? Yo ass know dat you can’t do anythang ta mah dirty ass. You’re at mah will..." Biatch growled, tuggin on mah boxers. "Go on, dopeie, git hard fo' tha Great n' Powerful Trixie..." Biatch flicked tha tip of mah still-limp ding-a-ling all up in mah boxers, givin it a shitload of encouragement. Dear lord, dem big-ass purple eyes.. yo. Hnnngh... I could peep tha reflection of mah tent pole betrayin mah dirty ass.

"Release me n' smoke up..." I spoke. This wasn’t mah dirty ass... although I wished it was. Inner rapist, damn you too! My fuckin sword fuckin started ta perk up. Trixie looked back at mah underwear, watchin as it would bounce up n' down a funky-ass bit- gettin a lil larger each time it throbbed violently. Three inches, four inches, n' growin all up in tha base as well.

"Mmhmhmmm, fo'sho, tha Great n' Powerful Trixie knows you can’t resist her muthafuckin ass..." Biatch then took off mah boxers wit her magic fo' realz. As her dope ass did, it grew longer n' thicker n' shit. Five inches, six, seven- Was she makin dis thang even longer than usual, biatch? Or had I not peeped it up in a while, biatch? Probably tha latter n' shit.

Now fully-erect at its impressive seven n' a quarter inches, mah painfully engorged endowment sprung up n' smacked her flank. Damn you too, puberty, you unfinished-even-though-I’m-twenty-years-old lil hustla of a.. fo' realz. And what tha fuck was Trixie bustin?

"Oh, biatch? Did Trixie do that, biatch? It looks so painful..." Trixie teased. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch lowered her head, her bangin' breath movin over mah bare skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I can practically taste dat shit..."

"Taste... what?" I whimpered as mah dick throbbed hard n' eagerly, its copious amountz of pre hustlin down tha head of dat shit.

Bitch grinned devilishly, her eyes closed a lil' bit as her dope ass didn’t answer mah question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Da Great n' Powerful Trixie came here ta sate her hunger... but tha Great n' Powerful Trixie shall not please another without bein pleased her muthafuckin ass!" Biatch promptly gots tha fuck into tha sixty-nine posizzle on top of me, her hot, painfully bangin' breaths loomin just above tha tip of mah thug endowment. "So long... thick..." Da unicorn planted a gangbangin' featherlike lick on tha straight-up tip of tha purple crown, bustin a jolt of pleasure all up in mah body as her big-ass booty sucked up mah precum. I knew I couldn’t move yo, but I wanted ta thrust it down her throat, n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

"Da Great n' Powerful Trixie thought her big-ass booty holla'd dat her big-ass booty shall not please another without bein pleased her muthafuckin ass!" Biatch repeated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "I’ll let one of yo' arms go... be good, n' I’ll make you ludd havin yo' grill full of mah marehood..." Biatch whispered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I gots a straight-up boner fo' dat shit... salty"

I grew a look of reluctizzle on mah face. "What, biatch? Don’t believe tha Great n' Powerful Trixie?" Biatch asked, before suddenly, dat dunkadelic hoe took almost half of mah length tha fuck into her maw. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch let up a whinny of pleasure, her knees obviously buckling. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was gettin turned on by suckin mah dick, biatch? Why was this, biatch? Dat shiznit was much mo' apparent when her pink foldz became glistenin wit her succulent, delicious juices. Dat shiznit was strange... My fuckin monitor was still givin light, lettin me peep tha wet fur along her crotch.

Dear fuck, I couldn’t resist no mo'. I gripped her flank hard wit mah free hand, makin her whimper up in pleasure fo' realz. And then, I raised mah head up, gorgin on her box. Well shiiiit, it smoked like chicken- flavorless, bland fo' da most thugged-out part.

Trixie fuckin started ta bob her head up n' down, strugglin ta take it past tha halfway point. But her big-ass booty seemed as though dat biiiiatch wanted ta take it all- even though I knew dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn’t without hurtin her muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sucked long n' hard on mah shaft, milkin tha precum outta it like a milkmaid, drankin up every last muthafuckin last delicious, salty drop fo' realz. A particularly hard squeeze of tha haunch made her whimper, n' made her marehood’s juices flow onto mah tongue. Rewardin me fruitfully fo' mah efforts, she forced down mo' than half of mah shaft, almost makin me throw mah head back from tha astoundin amount of pleasure.

Weirdly enough, mah computer had tha image of Barack Obizzay up in his "not bad" look.

"Why haven’t you any more?!" Biatch demanded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I licked you clean... give tha Great n' Powerful Trixie mo' now! Biatch demandz it!"

"I don’t know what tha fuck tha hell you’re rappin' about... but git rid of tha other arm’s restraint n' you’ll git whatever tha fuck it is you want... just keep sucking." I held back a shit-eatin grin as she busted out tha other restraint, n' fuckin started ta deepthroat me eagerly. Whatever dat shiznit was dat dat biiiiatch wanted, dat biiiiatch was goin ta git it, even if it meant cappin' me up in tha process. "Oh... fuck!" I moaned up in gratification ta tha sensation, gettin back ta work on her mo' n' mo' n' mo' delicious slit, even though its relatively bland flavor remained. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Her tongue, bein longer than a human’s, coiled a lil' bit round mah length. Well shiiiit, it heightened tha whole experience ta a freshly smoked up level, as if it was a snake wrappin round a leg- a funky-ass boa constrictin its skanky victim. Only, up in mah case, tha sucka was one dirty lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch.

With both hands, I squeezed her cheeks roughly, then slapped her haunches hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They jiggled a lil bit as her knees buckled, entertainin me as her big-ass booty struggled ta keep from collapsing. I could practically feel tha fiery blush on her cheeks. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch picked up tha speed of her works, bobbin her head up n' down fasta n' fasta wit each minute dat passed.

In return, I fuckin started ta suckle on her clit. Bustin dis resulted up in her beatboxin up in a tremendous amount of pleasure, although muffled by mah cock. This juiced it up insanely better, as her scream busted vibrations all along mah shaft, almost ticklin dat shit. Tantalizin it up in a hellfire of burnin pleasure.

In return fo' mah sufficient, naughty efforts, she managed ta painfully swallow tha entirety of mah length, which was throbbin hard as her dope ass did so. Tears ran down from her eyes, as her nozzle was now poised above mah balls. I groaned, buckin mah hips just as she pulled mah crazy ass outta her grill, gaspin fo' breath only fo' a single moment before sucklin on mah balls. With her magic, she gripped mah ding-a-ling unexpectedly. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch stroked tha amazing, magical cock-gludd up n' down mah length. Dat shiznit was mo' betta than a handjob, n' much mo' betta than masturbating. Da heat was nearly perfect- each n' every last muthafuckin part of mah ding-a-ling slid all up in tha tunnel of purple wit ease yo, but dat shiznit was tight fo' realz. And I loved each n' every last muthafuckin millisecond of dat shit.

"So, why do tha Great n' Powerful Trixie want sex from a ‘disgustin creature like mah dirty ass’?" I teased. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I made shizzle I added emphasis ta my lyrics, bustin bangin' air against her horny-ass juices, which made her shiver n' shit. This beast up in heat purred, n' bucked her hips ta rub her lips against mah own, makin me lick her labia, causin her ta moan up in pimped out pleasure as mah tongue was slidin up n' down her slick n' wet slit.

Bitch blasted mah crazy ass a look afta takin mah balls outta her grill, straight-up hesitantly though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. "After tokin yo thugged-out ass... yo' glorio- I mean disgustingly filthy, salty cock..." Biatch sucked on tha tip of it, barely resistin ta take all dat shiznit up in again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "... tha Great n' Powerful Trixie became a salt crackhead... dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn’t help her muthafuckin ass... n' she found tha source of her corruption. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. You!" Biatch scolded, before swallowin mah ding-a-ling whole again, tha warmth of her tongue takin mah mind over once again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

How tha fuck long would dis last, biatch? Has it only been three minutes?

Because it felt like three fuckin hours. "Well..." I panted a lil bit. My fuckin tongue was rather sore now, n' dat shiznit was becomin harder n' harder ta hold back mah impendin orgasm.

Now since I had a g-thang of fuckin yo'self back home, it straight-up did help mah horny-ass stamina. Not a shitload yo, but enough ta help me resist havin a orgazzle before I needed (or wanted) to. But up in dis biatch, I was pushin mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Squeezin her firm yet soft flanks as Trixie bobbed her head up n' down mah shaft wit ruthless abandon, ropez of saliva becomin visible as I looked between her shaky legs yo. Her moans was becomin a cold-ass lil crescendo of pleasure, which filled tha air wit delight, n' mah endowment wit vast pleasure. I could tell dat dat biiiiatch was on-edge as well yo, but there was no way I could hold back long enough ta brang bout tha all-hyped but rare ‘simultaneous orgasm’. I continued ta munch on her box, before her big-ass booty stopped suckin on me, comin up fo' a funky-ass bangin breath. "I... I can’t take it no mo'!" Biatch exclaimed, gettin up n' off of mah dirty ass.

‘Fuck, what tha fuck I be thinkin is goin down aint goin ta happen, right!, biatch? R-RIGHT!?!?’ I panicked, n' tried ta squirm yo, but she like literally blasted mah crazy ass down, by restrainin mah arms once again.

"Da Great n' Powerful Trixie holla'd dat biiiiatch would not stoop ta this... but yo' oral work has made her muthafuckin ass..." Biatch gots right up in mah face, meetin eyes wit mah dirty ass. "... wild."

Unexpectedly, her big-ass booty sat down on mah member, tha head strugglin ta go up in a funky-ass bit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was tight yo, but likely not a virgin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch panted n' moaned as tha head gots past her entrance. I groaned up in pleasure, tha sheer heat of her nethers against mah own makin me go crazy- dat shiznit was tha tightest squeeze I’ve eva felt on a part of mah body yo. Her marehood was squelchin wet, n' straight-up hot. From tha sheer heat, I thought dat mah ding-a-ling would melt yo, but I knew dat it wasn’t even possible up in tha back of mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin tongue lolled outta mah grill, n' I twitched n' spasmed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Trixie’s eyes fluttered as da hoe bit her lip, beginnin ta slide up n' down mah length. Da farther dat biiiiatch went, tha mo' she gasped n' moaned- n' dat shiznit was straight-up not helpin mah dirty ass.

"Ahhh," Trixie moaned like a whore. "Trixie hasn’t... taken one dis big-ass before..." Then again, I could believe her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch probably raped another playa just ta git rid of her virginity, n' he must done been small. Da unicorn was almost reluctant ta take mo' tha fuck into her cavity. When dat freaky freaky biatch heard no response from me, she just looked down at mah face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch let up a groan of disappointment as she realized I had become lost ta tha pleasure, still hangin onto mah dignitizzle by a tiny thread. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Which was merely up in holdin back from givin her a payload of baby-batter.

But I doubted dat I could go fo' much longer n' shit. I wasn’t used ta bein raped by one of mah thugs, let ridin' solo a pimpin' mare like her n' shit. But she kept going, n' going, n' going! I was goin ta go crazy at dis point.

Suddenly, she let up a funky-ass bangin cry, n' her horn lit up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Snappin me outta tha trizzle was a practical explosion of magic, n' her walls ripplin wit squelchin contractions. Da explosion made me shield mah eyes wit my... hands, biatch? But I thought they was bound ta tha floor playa! I looked down ta mah feet, n' they was unbound like a muthafucka.

Trixie fell tha fuck limp on top of me, lookin tha fuck into mah eyes. Did she just orgazzle before me, biatch? And let me go, biatch? A devilish smirk crossed its way onto mah grill as I gots up n' up from under her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gasped as I grabbed her by her mane. Viciously I shoved mah still-hard endowment tha fuck into her muzzle. Trixie protested yo, but dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn’t hold back as tha smell of salt hit her nose. Eagerly n' tiredly, her big-ass booty slurped mah ding-a-ling back tha fuck into her grill. But instead of her bustin tha work, I was rockin her as a oral fuck-toy. "Y-you wanted some, you’re gonna fuckin git some!" Biatch looked up at me, her eyes waterin fo' tha second time fo' realz. Almost as fast as dat thugged-out biiiatch could blink, I rammed mah shaft down her throat, n' fuckin started ta wildly buck mah hips as she gagged on dat shit. My fuckin eyes rolled tha fuck into tha back of mah head, mah tongue lolled outta mah grill again.

Bitch shook her head, n' I could feel it- her dope ass didn’t want me ta let loose up in her grill. "You’re gonna swallow like tha small, obedient bitch yo ass is... do you KNOW me?"

All her dope ass did was nod, as dat biiiiatch was drained. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch closed her eyes, n' I fuckin started mah assault on her throat once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Da sound of gaggin filled tha room, as her oral intruder breached her throat repeatedly, before finally, I let loose. Trixie gagged n' protested physically yo, but soon, she just accepted it as I came, wave afta wave tha fuck into her grill n' down her throat. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gulped multiple times, tears streakin down her grill as her big-ass booty swallowed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I bet afta all dat salt, you’re still thirsty, nyuggah?!" I did mah dopest Stinkmeaner impression as I let her fall ta tha floor.

"Da Great n' Powerful Trixie wants... mo' salt," Trixie moaned as she licked tha tears which fell tha fuck from her eyes.

I seriously needed a cold-ass lil blunt. ‘Dammit, I forgot ta renew mah restrainin order.’ I thought up in vast annoyance.

"So... who’s gonna call tha damn cops this time?"

"Trixie be thinkin she might be pregnant from last time, you idiotic, inconsiderate fool!"

"FFF... FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"