The Mysterious Tale of the Man Who Didn't Do Much

Chapter 18: Shoulda' Helped Her When You Had The Chance

So Lyra, Bon Bon, and I made out way into town, while my brain said, 'Allow me to give you half-assed thoughts on everything.'. So, there I am, aimlessly following Bon Bon while thinking, 'What came first, the color orange, or the fruit? The chicken or the egg? Why do these ponies eat eggs but not chicken? Weren't ancient ponies curious as per a taste?' etc... Finally, we got to the market where many ponies were currently shopping and purchasing many necessary items. We ducked into building crevasses so we weren't seen, and to our good fortune, this endeavor succeeded! Bon Bon quickly informed me that there was a shop owner who called was overheard calling Lyra 'Absolutely bananas.'. Oh heeeeeeeell naw. I know he didn't do that. "Okay, Lyra, follow me." I whispered to the unicorn as we swooped in between houses and wound up on the other side of the market, just behind the cart where the reportedly rude stallion was working. I told Lyra to say something to get him to turn around, once we were behind him and she agreed. We walked (and trotted) over to the stallion and Lyra said, "Hello, I'd like to purchase an apology."

"Look, Lyra, I don't even know what you me-" He turned around and I waved. He slowly waved back and turned to Lyra, mouth agape. I looked down at him and spoke, "Yup, she's super crazy! Being right, how crazy is that?" He fainted. I have a knack for this. I thought word traveled around here fast. Wouldn't he have heard of me? Slow news day? Who the hell knows. Meanwhile, I think I succeeded in my mission, seeing as Lyra was cracking up for the second time today. She was on her back, front hooves clutching her stomach. Was it that funny? When she stopped, she just laid there, staring at the sky. "Need help getting up, there?"

"Yes. I... I think I do." So I crouched and helped held out my hand. She held out a hoof and I did my best to help her up. I mean, really, I don't know if I've established this or not, nor do I care. These pony's hooves are round and smooth, so it's hard get a grip. They aren't hard as bone, so it's hard(er) in that sense as well. At least the legs match. If they had legs like the horses at home, they would be hard as bone too, furthering the issue. Lyra commented, "I bet those hands are useful" (Oh Lyra... You have no idea what you just implied... *Immaturity activated* Trolololo. "Yeah, I suppose they are. Never really thought about it long enough to realize how fortunate I am." She frowned and we walked back to Bon Bon quietly but then she eyed my gun and went all, 'Touchy touchy, I wanna see, and by see I mean touch, which is quite the contrary to use of the verb.' on me and I had to grab it out of her aura -an unfruitful effort- to get it back. When that didn't work, I told her what it was used for and she dropped it in disgust. I don't blame her. This place looks untouched by any sort of conflict. "Look," I said, "It isn't my favorite thing either. There's something we have in common, eh?" She was enlightened by this and hugged me. "Remember last time you hugged me?" She quickly let go and I laughed. Ponies are so easy to scare. I patted her on the head and walked down the main road again. I wasn't getting looks anymore. Maybe this town is more accepting than I thought. I noticed we were making our way back to her and Bon Bon's place.

"Bon Bon, why are we heading back?"

"Didn't you notice the town wasn't staring at you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Word finally got around and it won't be a surprise anymore. So thanks for that one scare back at the market. That was awesome, but I think it won't work anymore."

"Oh. Okay." Lyra then invited me in and took a seat on the couch. Bon Bon joined her. Lyra patted the seat in between them for some reason and slyly pointed to Lyra with a flailing of her hooves. I got the hint. I sat down, put my arm around Bon Bon's neck, pulled her closer aaaaand....

...

...

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"Shoulda' helped her when you had the chance."

If you remember the promise I made: Good for you, you get a cookie! (: :)

If you don't and you have a dirty mind: Go screw yourself!

(A/N: Super sorry for the short chappie. I'll make it up for ya', I promise. Lemme know of any and all errors. This was rushed to the max, broski.)