Losing Air

“I don’t want no trouble,” Tapwater said from behind the bar.

“I just need booze, I don’t plan on staying, can you sell me a bottle?” Rainbow Dash said to the stallion.

He considered for a moment before shrugging and nodding. She pointed to the bottle she wanted and he grabbed it down for her. It was half empty already so he only charged her half the bits. She threw the bottle into her bag before walking toward the door. She almost made it when Berry Punch finally noticed her from the stool on the other side of the room.

“Hey, Rainbow Dash!” the mare said, jumping up and running over to the pegasus. “I’ve not seen you since Canterlot! Crazy party right?”

“Yeah, right, crazy,” Rainbow said. Berry sensed her mood and changed tack.

“So, you going out drinking? Need some company?”

“Not tonight, Berry,” Rainbow said.

“Okay, that’s cool, I get it. Hey, we’ll catch up next time, alright?” Berry said, turning to walk back to her stool.

Rainbow turned and left the dismal tavern walking out into the street. She looked at the clouds. Looked like rain. She didn’t really know what she was going to do but didn’t feel like being around any ponies right now. Taking the bottle from her bag she held it in her good wing and started walking toward the outskirts of Ponyville.

She opened the bottle and sniffed. Memories of home and fear rushed to the pegasus. Phoenix whiskey was the last thing she had ever thought she would be forcing into her mouth, but at this point she was beyond caring. Her dad was right anyway. Taking a swig of the bottle, and grimacing at the burn, she kept walking out of town. She skirted the forest - she was angry, not suicidal - and walked until her hooves hurt. The bottle was almost empty and she was starting to stumble quite a bit when she noticed the drop off in front of her.

“I’ve walked all the way to Ghastly Gorge?” Rainbow said aloud. She giggled to herself as she walked up to the edge. As she looked over she could see the ground hundreds of meters below. She felt a familiar thrill as her wings - no, wing - flew open. She longed for that rush, that feeling of air against her face, that… freedom. Rainbow had tried as hard as she could to get passed it but there were some things that you never fully recovered from. She was broken and would never be the same again.

Rainbow looked up and noticed a section of cliff that was slightly broken away from the rest. There was a bit of a gap but the view would be way better from over there. She walked cautiously along the edge trying to overcompensate for her drunken state. As she reached the edge she saw a few tree roots she could walk across and, holding to the trees spawning the gap, she made her way over them. She stumbled about halfway across but caught herself before she fell. Her heart leapt into her throat but she continued on anyway. She wasn’t going to let some cliff beat her.

Once she had made it across to the small clearing she walked to the edge of the cliff. Sitting down, she let her hooves dangle over the edge, swaying in the wind. She watched as the sun set and felt the drops of rain start to come down. She looked up at the clouds again. They were angry clouds. Everfree clouds. She could see the small pinpricks in the sky that she knew were pegasi, struggling against the alien weather, trying to get it under control.

Funnily enough looking at weather ponies working didn’t make her feel any better.

She looked back over the edge of the cliff and tried to take another drink from the bottle only to realize it was empty. With a sigh she threw the bottle over the edge. As she watched it sail through the air she suddenly grew envious of it. She would give anything in this world to fly again. But she never would. She watched it tumble end over end and saw the point of no return. If it was going to survive it would need to pull up right now. The bottle crashed to the ground.

Tears came to Rainbow’s eyes but she swiped them away. She stood and stepped as close the the edge as she dared and screamed. She screamed in anger, in rage, in pain, in despair. She screamed at the unfairness of her life. She screamed at the betrayal she felt. She screamed at her weakness and self-pity. She screamed until she cried. When the tears started flowing she couldn’t stop them. Heaving sobs wracked her body as she fell to her stomach.

She wanted nothing more than to throw herself off this cliff. She longed to feel the wind in her mane again. To feel the rush of a dive. To feel the exhilaration of flight even if only for a moment. She didn’t want to die, but she didn’t see any reason to live.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t do any of those things. She was worthless. She was barely even a pegasus - no, scratch that - she wasn’t a pegasus. She was barely even an earth pony. She couldn’t even get up the guts to kill herself. She was nothing but a charity case.

And what a glorious charity case she had been. Suckered hook, line, and sinker. She tried to stop thinking about Twilight but couldn’t get her image out of mind. She had wanted it to be true so much she had stopped listening to herself. She had ignored the little voice inside that knew she wasn’t worthy of Twilight. She had known all along that it was too easy.

She stood once more and walked to the edge. The rain was coming down harder now and would soon get out of control. She closed her eyes to feel the gusting wind against her face. A lone wing spread and caught the wind bringing a shiver of pleasure to her body.

It would be so simple. One small step and she would be happy for the rest of her life. She shuffled forward.

“Rainbow! Stop!” a voice called.

Rainbow opened her eye’s and spun to look at the mare calling to her.

“Twilight?”

Twilight sat in her favourite chair at the library reading a book about plant life. The light from the fire combined with the afternoon sunlight coming through the windows made it easy for her to read even with no candles lit. Spike taking his afternoon nap, and Rainbow was out, so she had taken the time to catch up on some much needed reading.

She loved having Rainbow live with her, but the extra time spent with the mare had cut into her usual schedule. Not that she would have traded that time with her marefriend for anything in the world, of course, but it was nice to get a little time to yourself every now and then. She floated the glass of wine to her muzzle and took a sip. She savoured the fruity flavor as she flipped to the next page in her book. Yep, this is the life. She smiled and settled in to the couch further.

Twilight jumped as a knock came at the door. Scowling at her interrupted evening she stood and walked to the entrance of the library. She opened it to find a white unicorn in the opening in front of her.

“Rarity! What a pleasant surprise!” Twilight said, forcing a grin. She loved Rarity, she really did, but seeing her friend threw her comfortable evening out the window. She chastised herself for thinking that way. She came to Ponyville to make friends and should never think of them as a burden.

“Hello, Twilight, sorry if I’m interrupting anything. I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop in for a quick chat.”

“Of course, Rarity, come on in,” Twilight said, this time giving a more genuine smile. Rarity entered the room and noticed the book and wine glass in front of the fire.

“Oh my, I am interrupting, I am dreadfully sorry my dear,” Rarity said, biting her lip.

“It’s okay, Rarity, really. Would you like a glass?” Twilight asked, motioning the wine.

Rarity brightened. “Well I wouldn’t be one to turn down a nice wine, and you my dear do have impeccable taste in it.”

Twilight smiled at the compliment and floated another glass from the kitchen. She poured the wine for her guest and topped up her own before gesturing to the couch. Rarity sat and Twilight took the seat next to her.

After taking a sip of the wine, and sighing in pleasure, the white mare turned to Twilight with a serious expression on her face.

“Twilight, I need to talk with you about something. Is there anypony else here?” Rarity said, looking around the room.

Twilight frowned. “Spike is asleep upstairs, he will be out for a while, and Rainbow is in town. I’m not sure when she will be back. Is everything okay?”

Rarity sighed and looked as if she were trying to decide her next words carefully.

“Rainbow is the reason I am here, dear,” she said, pausing to take another sip of wine. “I need to talk to you about, well, you and her.”

Twilight looked at her friend in confusion. “What about Rainbow and I?” she asked.

Rarity bit her lip. “Now, Twilight, I am not normally one to pry into others affairs, pardon the pun, but when I see one of my friends making a mistake I simply cannot remain silent.”

Twilight’s expression turned to ice. “You think I’m making a mistake?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

Rarity sighed and looked Twilight in the eyes. “Yes,” she said.

Twilight stood up. “How dare you? What right do you have to come into my home and tell me how to live my life,” Twilight said, fuming.

Rarity stayed seated and kept her voice low. “Nothing. Nothing gives me the right. But, as I said, I feel it is my duty as a friend.”

Twilight grit her teeth and sat back down next to her friend. “What makes you think we are making a mistake? Rainbow and I are happy together.”

“Oh no, darling, I don’t think you and Rainbow are a mistake,” Rarity said. “In fact I think the two of you are perfect for each other,” she finished, taking another sip of wine.

Twilight’s anger evaporated to be replaced with confusion. “Then what are you saying?” she asked.

“I think you know what I’m saying. Rainbow is in a very vulnerable place right now and we all know how relationships that start out under those circumstances work out. You are her crutch, my dear,” Rarity said. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I believe she loves you - to be honest I think she has for a while - but if the two of you get together now then I doubt there will be much of a future for you if you start it out under such circumstances.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Twilight asked.

Rarity paused halfway through lifting the wine to her muzzle. She floated the glass back to the table before turning to Twilight.

“You… know it might not work?” the white unicorn asked.

“Of course I do, do you think I’m stupid? I’ve read all about relationships that come out of hardship and, except in stories, they never work out. A relationship that is built on something bad has no foundation when that thing starts to go away.”

Rarity looked confused. “But, if you know, then why?”

“Because Rainbow needs me to,” Twilight stated. “I know it probably won't work, I really do, but I can’t let her suffer alone. Rejecting her when she came to me would have crushed her. I couldn’t do that to her, not after everything she had been though, just so I could have a better chance later. I’m not that selfish,” Twilight said, picking up her own glass and taking a deep drink. She put the now empty glass down a little too hard on the table.

“But you love her,” Rarity said.

Twilight shrugged.

“Twilight, I saw the way you looked the other night, are you sure this is what you want to do?” Rarity said, stepping toward Twilight.

“It’s what I need to do. For Rainbow,” Twilight responded.

“Twilight, as much as I admire what you are doing, you simply can’t do this to yourself.” Rarity responded, shaking her head.

Twilight hung her head and sighed. “It doesn’t matter any more. It’s done.”

“Well then let me at least ask you this,” Rarity said. “Do you even love her?”

Twilight looked into her friends eye’s and opened her mouth to reply. Her words caught in her throat as she broke down crying. Rarity reached forward at once with her forelegs and wrapped them around the crying mare. She ran her hoof down Twilight’s mane as she waited for the librarian to finish.

“It’s fine, it’s fine, let it out. You’ve been so strong for so long, Twilight, it’s okay to not be for a while,” Rarity said.

Twilight looked up into her friends eyes. “Of course I love her. With all my heart,” she said.

Rarity smiled. “I know you do, Twilight, I just wanted to hear you say it.”

The two mares sat for a few minutes before Twilight pulled herself out of Rarity’s grasp. They sat back up on the couch and Twilight took one of Rarity’s hooves in her own.

“Thanks you, Rarity,” Twilight said.

“It’s nothing, darling, I could see you were bottling things up,” Rarity said. “I would be an awful friend if I let that continue. So, what are you doing to do now?”

Twilight forced a laugh. “Nothing really I can do. Just keep being there for her and hope for the best I suppose,” she said with a shrug.

Rarity shook her head. “I’ll not have it, darling, not when the two of you are so happy. I will think of something. Just give me some time and we will work out a way to make sure the two of you work.”

Twilight smiled at her friends words but knew that it was just a matter left to time now. She and Rainbow both had a lot to sort through, and she could only pray that their relationship would survive it. They talked for a while longer before Spike came down the stairs. After flushing at seeing Rarity he quickly excused himself and went back up the stairs to the bedroom. The girls were laughing when Rarity noticed the sound of rain start to come down around the house.

“Oh, I didn’t know there was any rain scheduled for today, how odd. Twilight, darling, I hate to cut this short but I really should get back to the boutique before it starts in earnest. I have Sweetie Belle tonight and, don’t tell her I told you this, but she is just dreadfully afraid of thunder the poor dear.”

Twilight smiled at her friend. “It’s fine, Rarity, go on ahead. Thank you again for today. I really needed it. I’m glad I have someone I can talk to about everything.”

“Of course, Twilight, any time you need you know my door is always open. Seriously. Any time at all,” Rarity said.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Twilight said with a smile, leading Rarity to the door. She opened it with her magic and Rarity went to step outside before pausing.

“What is this?” Rarity said, stooping down.

Twilight looked around the mare to see a pile of torn flowers on the ground.

“They look like they’re from Roseluck’s store. See the ribbon?” Twilight said, frowning.

“Yes, I see, what would they be doing here like thi-” Rarity stopped, her eyes suddenly going wide. “What time was Rainbow due back.”

“No specific time, but now that you mention it it is getting kind of late, she is normally home by-” Twilight stopped, coming to the same realization that Rarity had. “You don't think she…”

Rarity grimaced. “I think she did,” she said.

Twilight’s breath caught in her throat. What had Rainbow heard? Nothing good by looks of what was on the ground in front of her. Rarity looked at her with concern in her eyes.

“Did you need me to do anything, darling? I can’t help but feel a little responsible.”

“No,” Twilight said, shaking her head, “you go on home. I will find Rainbow and explain everything. We will be okay. Trust me.”

Rarity smiled at her friend and said her goodbyes again. After the mare left Twilight closed the door and started to think.

“Aw, she’s gone already?” Spike asked from behind her, causing Twilight to jump.

“Yes, Spike, sorry,” Twilight said. “I need to go out for a little while. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah, no sweat,” the dragon said. “I’ve got some reading to catch up on anyway.”

Twilight nodded to the dragon and rushed into her study. Picking out a pencil she cast the series of spells and soon the end was glowing and pointing outside of the library. She put on a raincoat and walked to the door. After opening it and pulling up her hood she floated the pencil in front of her.

“It will be okay, Rainbow, just don’t do anything stupid,” she said to herself, before starting a trot into the rain.

“Rainbow! Stop!” Twilight said, her heart in her throat as she saw the pegasus about to step off the edge of the cliff.

Rainbow spun to look at her.

“Twilight?”

The two mares stared at one another across the gap.

Rainbow’s lip curled up at seeing the mare. “What the hay do you want?” she said.

“I’m here to find you. I didn’t think you would be this stupid!” Twilight said, glaring at Rainbow Dash.

“Stupid?” Rainbow said. “What are you talking about?”

“Look at where you are standing. Do you want to die?” Twilight asked, starting to shiver from the cold raindrops coming down around her.

Rainbow snorted and looked away. “I’m fine out here,” she said, before looking back to Twilight. “You are right about one thing though - I am stupid.”

“What are you talking about?” Twilight said, frowning.

“I thought you actually cared about me,” Rainbow said. “Turns out I’m just a gullible idiot. Go figure, huh?”

“Rainbow, I know you think you heard-”

“Don’t you dare try to spin this around! I did hear you, and I know exactly what you said. You did this all for me. You don’t care about me, not really. I’m just something for you to fix so you can fill another page to send to your precious Celestia,” Rainbow said, turning to look back over the edge of the cliff.

“Fuck you, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said. Rainbow turned to look back at the unicorn with her eyes wide. “You think after everything I told you, after everything we shared, that I give one bit what Celestia has to say about it? I trusted you, Rainbow, I confided in you. And you can’t even do the same thing for me,” Twilight said, shaking more from anger than cold now.

“Don’t trust you? I told you everything about me!” Rainbow shouted. “Don’t tell me I don't trust you, I gave you everything, and you threw it in my face!”

Tears were streaming down Twilight’s face now. “How? By doing everything I could to help you? Even at expense to my own happiness?”

Rainbow grit her teeth as she stared at the unicorn. “You think I care about your happiness? You used me, Twilight, and you made me think you had feelings for me. You should have known it would come out sooner or later. You disgust me.”

Twilight looked at her friend. “Made you think? That is absolute bull, Rainbow, I never lied to you about anything.”

“What? You can’t tell me that - I heard you talking to Rarity. I know you faked it,” Rainbow yelled, taking a step toward Twilight and away from the edge of the cliff.

“You heard what you wanted to hear. You didn’t even try to talk to me. You just chose not to trust me and ran away. Well I’m sick of it, Rainbow, I’m sick of you running away. It isn’t just you anymore. We’re together now. We affect each other.”

“But… you said… I don’t…” Rainbow said.

“Exactly. You don’t even know what I said. How long did you eavesdrop? Long enough to hear me confess that I loved you? Long enough to hear me confess that I know we most likely won’t work but I was willing to do it anyway? I’ve been fighting myself constantly, trying to convince myself I was doing it for your own good, but that is a lie. I did it because I’m selfish. I wanted you to be mine, and some part of me didn’t care if I know it was a mistake, I just wanted it to be real. I’ve cared about you for a long time, Rainbow Dash, I love you!”

The two mares stared at one another. Tears mixed with raindrops streaming down Twilight’s face. Rainbow stood with her mouth open trying to take in everything the mare had said.

“I… I was just so scared. It made more sense that you didn’t want me. It still does. Why would you?” Rainbow said, staring at Twilight in confusion.

“Because I see you. I see the real you. The one you hide from everypony,” Twilight said. “I know that the walls you hide behind are there because you’re scared. I know this because you trusted me enough to show me behind them. I trust you too, Rainbow, I trust you with everything.”

The rain was pouring now. Rainbow could still see Twilight, but the weather combined with the alcohol had started to make everything blurry. She took a step closer to the unicorn.

“I’m sorry, Twilight, I’m so sorry,” the pegasus said, breaking down and crying herself. “I love you, too. I really, really, love you!”

She ran toward the ledge where Twilight stood and reached for the tree roots separating the pair. Twilight rushed forward herself and reached for Rainbow with her hooves. The pegasus stumbled as she remembered the gap. It had grown treacherous from the rain and she could barely get a grip as she tried to hold on to the roots. She edged her way over going only centimeters at a time. Twilight was leaning out as far as she dared to try to grab the mares leg.

Rainbow’s hoof slipped.

She started to fall, but before the panic could set in she found herself captured in a field of purple light. She looked up to see Twilight’s face twisted in concentration as she lifted the pegasus from the gap and onto the ground beside her. When the pegasus was released from the magic Twilight fell to the ground panting. Rainbow reached over and the two embraced. They sat there for a minute while Twilight caught her breath. Finally they looked into one anothers eye’s.

“I thought I had lost you,” Rainbow said.

“Never in a million years,” Twilight said, smiling up at her.

The two kissed a deep, passionate kiss as they lay on the edge of the cliff. Rainbow could feel the tears in her eyes, and knew Twilight was crying too, but the rain was washing them away before they could show.

“Come on,” Twilight said. “Let’s go home.”

Rainbow grinned at the mare and stood up. She took a step away from the ledge and turned around to help Twilight when the ground suddenly gave way. Twilight’s eyes widened as she began to fall, her horn lighting in an instant, only to be cut off when her head hit one of the roots with a sickening crunch. Twilight was knocked out cold.

Rainbow leapt forward onto her stomach and swung her hooves to catch the mare.

She missed.

Twilight fell.

Rainbow screamed.