I looked around the darkness to see nothing. Except for Luna, and a weird snake, pony, dragon thing with one fang.

"First, what in the bloody hell is that thing? Second, nice to see you again Luna. " I said, seeing Luna. She was in a form, a human with a blue dress. It had two moons at the chest , her C cup breasts showing a little cleavage.

"Nice to see you too, Dart." Luna replied, sipping some tea. "This is Discord-"

"Let me guess; spirit of chaos, disharmony, and crazy things that aren't normal." I said, to the surprise of both creatures. "It's been awhile. What kept you from my barely sane mind?" I sat down, folding my hands a little.

"You were right Luna. He is a smart one." Discord said, drinking the cup instead of his tea.

Luna sighed, then looked at me. "We came to discuss the anomalies. Since you're the expert on them, you could tell us how to contain them."

I looked at them, then smiled. "You happen to be in luck." I said, then a song came from above.

"YES, I'M BACK IN BLACK!!!" Suddenly, a person that looked like me appeared. His hair was unkept, and his eyes red. "What the fuck are you two lookin' at?" the being asked, his voice slightly deeper than mine.

"The fuck you say, pussy?" I asked, punching his face. He went flying backwards. "You'll have to excuse Trad. He he's my mean side."

They stared at Trad, then me.

"Son of a bitch." Trad said, growling as he got up.

"And stay out!" I yelled, seeing him disappear. I turned back. "Here's what I know." I started to explain.

I opened my eyes to see Mary, Chip, and Alcatraz lying on my back.

"Bloody ankle biters."

I got up, lying them down next to Spike.

"Spike! Wake up!" I said, then saw Spike get up.

"Mommy?" Spike saw me. "You're not mommy."

"If I were your mom, you'd be a dinosaur, not a fuckin' dragon. Now get yo ass up, before I get hungry."

He got up, grumbling.

Terry stood outside with Little Tina, and I opened the door to run snout first into his foot.

"God dammit! Always the fucking nose! Bitch!" I said, grabbing my snout.

I looked at them, seeing Little Tina back away a little. I looked where they were looking, seeing something that left me speechless.

There, in front of us was a large portal. Terry growled , stepping in front of us. Fade walked out the door, only to stand in front of me protectively.

"Terry." I saw Little Tina roar, then run through the portal. "TINA!"

Terry ran into the portal, trying to get his daughter. Without any thought, I ran into the portal, unheeding the dangers.

Ow.

I rubbed my head, standing up, to look at my...hands! I looked down, seeing I was a normal human. I noticed I was back in California, San Deigo. The museum. Home.

I heard a loud roar, sounding like a T-Rex from Jurassic Park. I ran outside to see a large hole where a door used to be.

"Terry!" I saw people running, a car landing on the street after it flipped from a large force. I ran outside to see a T-Rex, biting a street light. "TERRY!"

Terry stopped, tearing off the street light. He spit it out, and looked at me. His large eyes setting on me. Terry roared, then started to run at me. I noticed his eyes were blood red.

SHIT! Shit shit shit shit shit!

"SHIT!" I yelled, wanting to run, but my legs didn't respond. I then heard a screeching sound, and saw a black van go in front of Terry. He tripped over it, landing his side. He snapped his jaws at me, making me back away.

"Dart!" A voice said. No, it can't be.

I saw Rainbow Dash stick her head out of the car. But, she was a human, having rainbow hair.

I then saw Fade roll down the front window. "We don't have all fucking night!"

I ran around Terry's snapping jaws, and got in the drivers seat. "I'm glad to see you two." I said, joy filling me. It was short lived when we saw Terry get up, and roar in fury.

"Gun it!" Fade yelled, making me shift to reverse, and drive backwards.

"Dart, why does Terry look like that!" Rainbow asked, feeling the car go 180 degrees.

I put the shift forward, and slammed my foot against the gas pedal.

"Little Tina is missing. You see her?" I said, looking at them. Rainbow looked ahead, then smiled.

"I may know where she is." Rainbow pointed forward, making me look at...dammit. I saw a petting zoo, Little Tina eating a goat.

I may've just lost my appetite.

I got out of the car, and saw her growl at me. I looked down to see a tranq dart. I picked it up, and whistled. Little Tina looked at me.

"C'mon. Come to Uncle. You can do it. C'mon." I said, making her walk towards me. I held out my hand, hoping nothing bad would happen.

Little Tina sniffed my hand, then started to nuzzle it. I'm petting a fucking T-Rex. My life is fucking awesome.

I then started to walk towards the truck, little goat eater following. I got in the car, Rainbow opening the back doors, letting Little Tina in.

"Okay, now what do we do?" Rainbow asked, looking bored.

"Calm down, gay pride. Now, we find daddy." I said, not looking to see if she was mad.

I stopped at the gas station.

"Why are we here?" Rainbow asked, seeing the place deserted.

"I have a feeling we can find Terry here." I explained, smiling.

Suddenly, a ball rolled by, showing the green long necked dinosaur on it. We all looked to see Terry gorging himself on a person.

"We need to let him know Tina is here." Fade said, turning to look at the pony sized T-Rex.

Terry swallowed the rest of his meal, then looked at us, sniffing the air. He then let out a roar, like the JP T-Rex.

"I think he knows." I said, backing up. Terry follow, knocking a car over with his foot.

Now what do I do? Large dinosaur following me. Little Tina with me. Got two stubborn women. And a portal to another world that defies logic and some science- Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait! IDEA!

I turned sharply, then started to head back to the museum.

"Why are we heading where we came from?" Rainbow and Fade asked at the same time.

"Shut the fuck up and let me drive!" I yelled, quieting the car. "Listen, this anomaly has opened to the past, present, and future. If we come back rotting a T-Rex and a world full of myths and mind shattering things, then how is humanity going to react?" I let them think for a moment. "They won't be fucking ready to see a disease, who knows how they'll react towards Equestria."

I then saw the museum. At this time, the music was blaring out 'Back in Black' by AC/DC. I drove through the gap in the front, driving towards the portal.

"Yes I'm BACK IN BLACK!" I sang along, seeing Terry running behind us.

I drove through the portal, and felt pain.

Agghgggggggghhhhhhhh!!!!

I saw my thumb and pinkie recede, my mouth tuning into a snout. I saw my toe claws rip through my shoes. One thought came out my mouth.

"Where's Terry?" The car suddenly hit the groung, showing our arrival by making me fly through the glass.

"...Ow..." I got up, grabbing the tranq dart.

I turned around to see Terry come through the portal, charging at me. I threw the tranq, seeing it hit his snout. He roared , then slammed his skull into me. I felt pain, unlike any other, and hit the tree library. I heard something yell my name before I blacked out.

"...And that's why I'm speaking to you." I finished, looking at Luna and Discord.

"So, that explains why you were gone." Luna said, realizing some stuff she was thinking about. I didn't really give a crap.

"So, this visit was wonderful. Bye." Discord said, as the black started to crack and break away.

I opened my eyes, seeing blurry objects instead of...well, dinosaurs and ponies.

"Fuck."

Author's Note

I'm Back in Black!