My Little Raptor

After eating the Apple pie, damn good pie if you ask me, I started to head towards a town, Flutters, RD, and the annoying pink devil behind, trying to warn me.

"I'm telling you not to go in there." RD said, flying in front of me.

I growled at her, making her back away from me. "What's the worst they can do? Besides kicking my baby maker?"

"You shouldn't go in there...that is, if you don't mind." Flutters said, hiding behind her mane for no reason.

"I swear, what's the worst that could happen?" I asked. Later, I understood how ironic that situation was.

Suddenly, a shadow went over the town as something landed. When the dust settled, it showed a European Dragon, it looked like the dragons that you kill in Skyrim, grey scales and everything. It roared, and head into the town. It wasn't a very loud one, sounded like me talking in my normal voice.

"A fucking DRAGON! Dammit all! Son of a bitch! That's it, I'm going to kill that thing." I said as I ran into the town, faster than the Dragon. I then half screeched half roared, warning the ponies to get out of the way. "Out of the way bitches! HERE'S DARTY!"

I then jumped over a cart, and gave a bark like roar multiple times, seeing the ponies run away from me. I'm surprised they're not in their homes. I mean, I know they've built their homes like it's the sixteenth century. Fucking wood and bricks. And candy for one house. And...is that a library or a giant tree? Must be both. But, at least they're safe, not being threatened by a fucking dragon.

"Yo, asshole!" I yelled, gaining the dragon's attention, it's glowing red eyes looking at me with pure hatred. "Fuck you!" I said, putting up both of my middle fingers...claws...whatever the Hell they are. It started to look around, trying to find the voice, but it just saw me...

It suddenly turned around, and I just then became fully aware of how big this fucking reptile was. It was as big as a fucking T-Rex, but T-Rexes are cool, not this asshole on wings. I love dragons, but this one is a asshole.

"Down here you ugly douchebag!" I yelled, making it look down. "Seriously, you need a breath mint or something. Your breath smells like rotting fish and fucked up meat!" I said, covering my nose, trying to stop the stench. "Dear God, man! How many fucking animals did you eat today? Like twenty! I swear, you need to brush your teeth!"

It roared at me, saliva and spittle hitting my face. When it finished, I looked at it. Sounded like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park.

"I know you can understand me! I'm insulting you. Who the Hell wouldn't know what I'm saying? What I'm saying is, you better run out of here with your tail between your legs, or, we can talk about this." I said, growling. I was trying to intimidate it, but it's hard if you're the size of a pony stallion, I'm like a few centimeters taller than Big Mac. AJ's brother by the way.

Fire grazed right next to me, making me run for cover. "Shit!" I cursed, getting to cover. I smelt something burning, and looked down to see my tail on fire...wait...FIRE! I started to pat it out, making it burn into nothingness. "So much for Diplomacy." I said, chuckling.

I suddenly came out of cover, and smiled, remembering a song I personally loved.

"My dragon shout flow is sweeter than a soda stream. You won't believe your eyes, I'm like a overload of dopamine!" I yelled, remembering the rap. I then let my toe claws come up as I ran towards the dragon. Jumping, I quickly slashed it's leg, making it roar in pain, blood covering my talons as I dropped to the ground.

"A broad sword in one hand and a magic spell in the other! I'm the last of the Dragonborn, there is no other my brother so run for cover!" I said, biting into the dragon's injured leg, making it roar. I then roared back, a hiss coming at the end. I started to run, and jumped, grabbing onto the dragon's neck, slicing through it's neck scales, and biting it's spikes, making blood go into my mouth.

By now, RD, Pinkie, and Flutters were watching with wide eyes as I tore into the dragon's neck. The dragon shook me off, grabbing it's neck wound, roaring in pain. I landed on the dirt, and let me tell you I felt like...FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-!

"In the names of the Nords, I pray to the Lords that you all taste the blade of my sword." I muttered, getting up. I then roared at it, gaining it's attention. Seeing me, it's pupils turned into slits. "COME AT ME BRO!" I taunted, but yelped as I saw it charge.

I dodged, feeling the wind on my face as it charged past me. "Feels like I'm dodging a Beserker in Gears of War." I said to myself. I could hear shouting coming from RD and Pinkie, their eyes filled with fear.

"Why are they yelling?" They started to point towards me, then up. I knew what they were trying to say...that fucker was going to attack me from the air! Fat chance now asshole! I looked up to see the open jaws of the dragon. "Fuuuuuuuu-!" I started, but then I felt the jaws clamp over me.

"I will not be eaten by a overgrown reptile with wings!" I yelled as I pushed up with my hands, and down with my feet. Seeing the mouth opening, I stabbed one of my toe claws into it's tongue, making it roar. Seeing it's mouth open, I quickly jumped through, barely dodging the dragon's teeth. I looked down to see I was covered in saliva and blood.

"Hey, asshole, maybe you should not try to eat something with claws! might save you a lot of blood, and less pain, you stupid ass." I said, pointing to my toe claws, the large ones tapping the ground.

Once it got closer to see my claws better, I quickly jumped at it's snout, and slashed across it, making a scar. It covered its snout, whimpering in pain. I quickly balled my claws into fists, and punched the air, ready for the next attack.

I then saw it's tail raise up, and it looked normal, until spikes started to come out of it, and slammed on the ground right next to me. I quickly gave a round house kick that would make Chuck Norris proud, and head a breaking bone as the dragon roared, withdrawing its tail, seeing the end bent at a wrong angle.

I roared at it, my lips unfurling to show my teeth. It growled back, but started to back away, seeing me walk towards it.

"Just you wait, reptile, just you wait. Your end will come soon enough." The dragon said, in English, before flying away.

"That's right, fucker! And don't you come back!" I yelled, roaring in victory. I suddenly looked at the others; RD was cheering, Pinkie was in the middle of a hop, staying still in the air. How in the Hell did she...you know what, I don't want to know. Fluttershy was in a ball, trying to hide.

I then noticed that some of the ponies came out of their houses, only to see me, covered in blood and saliva, and scream, then run into their houses.

I started to sniff my armpits. "Don't know why they're running, I smell fine." I then started to head towards a fountain. I jumped in, washing myself.

"Dude, why're you washing yourself in the fountain?" Rainbow Dash asked, looking at me.

"A little privacy would be appreciated." I commented, glaring at her playfully.

"But, you're nude." RD said, gesturing at all of me.

"So are you, but you don't hear me commenting about it, now do you?" I retorted, making her blush, but say nothing. "Exactly. Anyway, can't go around town looking like this." I said, washing the blood off of me. When I was done, I shook myself off like a dog, splattering water across RD, making her squeal.

"Why'd you do that?" She asked, but before I could answer, Pinkie jumped out of the fountain, cheering for me.

"Wait-how-huh...wut dafuq?" I looked at the spot Pinkie was standing in, only to see Fluttershy walking towards us. "You know what, I'm not going to even question it." I said, walking ahead.

I went up to the tree house, literally a house that was built in a tree, and knocked on the door. I looked up, seeing the leaves of the giant tree green. "Well I'll be damned, they're alive. How in the bloody Hell did they do that?"

The door opened to show a dragon with green spikes. He seems familiar, don't know why though. But, I could tell he was a dragon because he had green flames coming out of his nostrils once he saw me.

"Holy shit! Your purple!" I said, staring at the dragon before me.

"Spike, what did I tell you about using that kind of language?" A voice said as a Wild Purple unicorn appeared. Damn, where in the Hell did I put my pokeball? Don't know why, but I feel a sense of Deja Vu seeing her.

"My name's not Spike." I said. She suddenly screamed, and shut the door on my snout, making me wince. "Son of a bitch!" I swore, holding my snout. I could tell this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. "Bitch shut the door on my snout, hurts like Hell!" I said to RD, who laughed seeing blood come from my nose.

I wiped away the blood, and smiled at her, making her squeal once she saw the dragon blood on my teeth.

"Works every time." I commented as I knocked again.