Saturday, February 27th, 1003 A.B.

For once, it seems I don’t have any morose words to begin an entry with. Ever since I began documenting my experiences in this journal, each entry only served to illustrate every step I took down the stairwell of my despair. Now, this is no more: I had, as the saying goes, hit rock bottom, but I am now climbing back up, guided by the light of hope that I first saw in the corner of my vision almost a month ago. I know I will never return to the heights which I shared with those around me, but I will be content to reach some vestige of dignity. I have committed the foulest of crimes, one which I will have to strive for the rest of my life to redeem, if that even is possible. That regardless, this month marks a new chapter in the life of Twilight Sparkle: From now on, I will be the most upright pony to trot the face of the world. I will be an exemplar of harmony amongst all those around me, and now, without the return of the Itch, this can be possible.

Not once, since the First of February, have I felt the terrible claws of the Itch upon my spine, not once have I been wracked with fiery pain, and not once have I been tempted to torment others. I wholeheartedly mean it when I say that this month marks a renewal for me. Though part of me rebukes myself for being so optimistic, I cannot help but hope that the Itch is gone, that whatever affliction, be it of mental, magical, or physiological origin, that caused it has left my body. Now, I know that no such drastic change could come so quickly, but I cannot help but wonder, perhaps the increased immersion into the daydreams and the increasingly powerful pains and pleasures provided by the Itch were symptoms of its last stages? There are some diseases that are the strongest before their cessation; perhaps the Itch was akin to these. I have been meaning to run some tests upon myself to probe further into these ideas, but I haven’t been able to begin because of all of the effort I have devoted to regaining my social standing here in Ponyville.

As some of my previous entries have illustrated, while under the duress of the Itch, I wasn’t exactly a pleasant pony to be around. Ponies actually avoided me and actively minimized their chances of interacting with me (library visits were at an all-time low). Even worse, some of my dearest friends kept away from me, not wanting to incur my wrath. Worst of all, though, was the way Spike regarded me. He was constantly avoiding me, and even when we were in the same room, he tried to avoid any confrontation or communication with me unless it was absolutely necessary. It was obvious that he was afraid of me: He avoided meeting my gaze, he rarely spoke to me, and I could visibly see him tremble whenever I got close. How could I have ever allowed the one being that meant the most to me become so terrified of me? Even now, the thought alone makes me want to curl up into myself from guilt and shame. Thankfully, this is no longer the case.

For the past month, I have worked endlessly to rebuild and strengthen the ties I have forged with those around me, and my efforts have finally paid off. Spike no longer looks at me in fear, and our bond is stronger than it ever was before, ponies greet me in the streets instead of avoid me, my friends about town invite me to their houses once again, and library attendance is higher than it ever was before! I have not been negligent in restoring my bonds with my fellow Element bearers either. The looks they gave me through the glass dome are still etched in my memory, and I don’t think they ever will fade. After the whole Trixie fiasco, they tried to hide their fear of me, but I could still tell they were afraid of what they saw in me that day, whatever it could be. Even now, I sometimes begin to worry that they still do, but I think I have rectified the problem. Through ceaseless effort on my own part and by working ceaseless hours at Sweet Apple Acres, Carousel Boutique, Sugarcube Corner, and Fluttershy’s Cottage I have managed to regain their trust in me. All of them are comfortable being around me now and don't seem to suspect a thing about me. That is, all except Rainbow. Not that I believe she suspects anything criminal of me, she just seems hesitant to be around me. I am really worried about her... Could she suspect something? No, she was nowhere near the park that night... Unless, could her house have floated above us and Trixie's screams woke her up!? I was screaming too, but there's no way she could have recognized me, is there? No, wait, this is Rainbow Dash I'm talking about here. If she had heard somepony in pain, she would have dived in to save them. Dash couldn't have been anywhere nearby then, that's for sure. Why does she avoid me then?! There must be another reason then! Could it have been how I treated her when-

No

No

Nonononononononononononono

It cant be it cant be

I thought I was rid of it. Why now? Why now? Why now, when I write down that it may never come back? Faust, why?! Is this some sort of sick joke? No, it can’t happen again, I can’t succumb again. I don’t want to, damn it, I don’t want to. It’s not my fault.

Maybe I’m just mistaken right? I could just need to go to the chiropractor, or maybe my spine is being assaulted by bone-eating bacteria! Yes, that’s possible! Spine-eating bacteria! Think of the scientific community’s reaction when I reveal my discovery!

Dammit, what’s the use in trying to fool or distract myself? I know that the Itch has returned, but I don’t know why! It’s not my fault. Is it because I dared to hope it never would?! Why would there be such a long period between occurrences? I don’t know! I don’t know! It’s not my fault! It’s not my fault! IT’S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I DIDN’T MEAN TO KILL HER! I DIDN’T MEAN TO! IT’S NOT MY FAULT! IT’S NOT MY-

...I need to calm down, collect myself, control my emotions. Panicking achieves nothing. The Itch isn’t that noticeable, only a slight irritation in the small of my back. It’s not my- I have time. Time to work towards curing this Itch, or at least mitigating it in a non-violent way. However, I can’t allow myself to degenerate like I did before. A repeat of last time is not what I need, so I shall maintain with the utmost resolve a mask of civility and normality in the face of my torment, no matter what.

I will update further once a development has occurred in the Itch or in my research. It’s not-

Goodnight and signing off,
Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

I had originally planned on splitting this entry up into two, and giving Twilight here a little break, but then I thought: Nahh...
So here you are with the 12th entry, and thank you all for reading this latest escapade. I really do appreciate it. I tried out a few things with spacing of the lines and their structure for this entry, and I was hoping to get your opinion on it. Yay, nay, or eh?
Anyway, thanks once again for reading, liking, commenting, and favoriting my little attempt at writing. See you all in the next entry.
Au revoir,
The Fruity Cousin