What Human?

This, was starting to bother me. Immensly. You'd figure the first time you'd see an alien in your home, you wouldn't just stare at it, wishing it away. Although, emotions like that were acceptable in a situation like this, because this was basically the same as coming home and seeing ET chilling in your house with your kids, minus the fact that back on Earth, you'd probably threaten poor ET with the idea of unloading on him with a PDW. Nevertheless, I had expected much worse as a response than just an everlonging stare that peered into my very soul at rates never known before by man.

..Okay, I have to admit, I'd rather be unloaded than having this happen. At least if I died by a gun, I'd have a soul to take me places, but this, THIS, was another story. At this moment, my head was playing russian roulette in a desperate attempt to stop my being from shattering like a dinnerplate, and it was proving fruitless.

I had to admit though, aside from the bone crushing stare I was being given, it seemed to me that everything on this planet was horrifyingly cute, in their own special way. In this case, it was those adorable freckles that hit it off, and the fact that she was about half my size, and had big green eyes. As it turned out, my thought process had actually blinded me from the fact that this staring contest had been going on for about an hour now.

"Why don't you take a picture; it'll last longer." I finally said.

She lost her stare and sported a confused look, which had actually had me to believe that we were actually just checking each other out, instead of trying to vaporize one another with our eyes.

"Ah beg your pardon?" She said, tilting her head slightly.

Whether it was the slight head tilt, that cute innocent look, or the heart-attack-inducing southern accent, I couldn't help but smile at her response, which got a bit of mixed feelings from her, ranging from once again, confusion, to an unsettling feeling that extended beyond the limits of 'I think this guy has a candy van'.

"Oh my god you're so adorable." I blurted, not knowing what I just said as I said it.

The pony's cheeks flushed from anger and embarrassment, and she stomped a hoof on the floor.

"Adorable?! Wha, I,-" she stammered, growing redder every second.

Everything once again factored heavily into breaking the cuteness meter, and I couldn't help but walk over to her with an awaiting hug-

+++++

I opened my eyes and rubbed my head. My ears were ringing, and there was a blinding light above me.

"Am, am I dead?" I asked the higher beings.

"Surprisingly, no." I heard Yellow say.

I sat up to see I was back inside the treehouse, with the three kids and Freckles as company. She held her hat to her chest and looked at me apologetically.

"Ah'm uh, Ah'm sorry I knocked your lights out back there." She chuckled softly.

"I'm sorry I tried being nice." I deadpanned. Looked like this place wasn't just going to be all roses and rainbows like I thought it was.

"Hugging strangers isn't nice; it's creepy." Orange said.

"Well excuse me for not knowing that cute, pint sized colorful ponies wouldn't take kindly to hugs." I grunted.

"Yeah.." Freckles rubbed her head nervously. "Name's Applejack, by the way."

I nodded, "Name's Nick, which would be a good thing to know when I die from hoof prints to the face." I frowned.

"My name's Apple Bloom!" Yellow smiled.

"I'm Scootaloo!" Orange struck a heroic pose.

"And I'm Sweetie Belle!" White jumped.

"And we're the CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!" They all said in unison, making Applejack's ears flop down and forcing me to cringe. They all smiled, looking at me with their big, wide eyes as I tried to stop my ears from ringing.

After the three's high pitched voices stopped replaying in my head, I stood up from the floor and looked at Applejack.

"So, what now? Are you going to lead me into town to be burned at the stake, or are you guys a little bit more advanced than that?" I said sarcastically.

"What? No! I, I'm thinkin' maybe my friend Twilight can help us understand why you're here. I've seen some pretty ugly creatures before, and I can tell you don't belong here." Applejack explained.

"Alright, I'm going to take that as a compliment, and as long as this Twilight person's not a vampire, I'm fine with this." I said.

"A, a vampire? What?" Apple Bloom stuttered.

"Oh, you don't want to know. It's much worse than them sucking blood; it's everything that sucks about them back on Earth." I smiled.

"But, I don't-"

"Can we just go now?" Applejack said impatiently.

"Sure. I can tell you three about why vampires are shunned in our society on the way." I said.

The three smiled and nodded, giving Applejack the go ahead to open the door and head out.

+++++

"They don't burn in the daylight?" Sweetie Belle asked, looking shocked.

"Nope. They SPARKLE. Like, they're not even vampires, they're like little fairies! It's stupid! And then, that Jacob guy always has his dang shirt off, like it could kill him if he puts one on." I vented.

"That sounds lame!" Scootaloo agreed.

"Exactly! And these guys attracted nothing but a bunch of little thirteen year old girls to it, which would then SHOVE EVERYTHING about the series down your THROAT, like!-"

"We're here." Applejack interrupted.

I paused the my miming of someone being choked and dropped my hands.

"Oh... Wait, is this a giant tree? Is this Twilight person, like a wizard or something?"

"Close. She's-"

"An evil enchantress?!" I posed with a fake scared look.

"No! She's neither of those! She's a Princess!" Applejack flared.

"Did you say, a PRINCESS?" I snickered. "I mean, seriously?"

"Yeah, she's got wings AND a horn!" Apple Bloom said.

"Oh wow, that part's actually pretty cool." I said.

With that, Applejack knocked on the door, leaving us to wait for a response.

Seconds later, the door opened up to reveal a purple colored pony, who had a darker purplish hair color with a pink stripe through it, along with soft, purple eyes to match. She also, indeed, had a horn and wings, and looked like she had just gotten thrown into a bull fight from the audience. She smiled weakly at the four, then frowned as soon as she saw me, which prompted her to tackle me, horn glowing. I held my hands up again.

"Woah woah, I'm friendly! Ally! Ally!" I yelled.

She growled at me and pinned me down with her legs, which were surprisingly able to hold me back, due to possibly loads of bull shark testosterone, or maybe the fact that I had, in fact, wasted days on end playing GTA and never went outside. Either way, I was in quite a pickle.

"Twilight! He's a friend!" Applejack called.

She turned to her, and back to me, making me nod furiously in agreement. She lost her ferocious scowl and lowered to a frown, where she got up and glared at me.

"I've got my eye on you." She grunted. Four feet tall or not, I was scared out of my mind. Last thing I wanted was to end up like that guy on the swing...

I stood up, hands still held up in defense as the three ran over to me and hid behind me. Twilight walked inside and welcomed us in. We walked in and immediately noticed how horrible the place looked: books littering the floor, shelves knocked over, chairs missing legs; it was a mess.

"Woah! What happened here!?" I asked.

She looked at me and growled.

"YOU should know, seeing how YOU caused it!"

The others looked at me with looks as confused as mine.

"I've never even been to this place before! I woke up in a treehouse!" I said defensively.

"You humans destroyed everything! Came into my home! Tore up Ponyville and frightened everypony in town to the point where they don't even leave their own homes anymore!" She yelled, glaring daggers.

"He's nice though!" Sweetie pitched in, pointing a hoof my way.

"Well, I doubt the rest of Ponyville would agree." Twilight deadpanned.

She gave me one last look before looking at the kids standing by me, hugging my sides.

"..You're, you're not like the others, are you? You don't hurt anypony?" She asked.

"I'm an EMT; I don't get paid to hurt others." I said.

"EM-"

"-Emergency Medical Technician." I interrupted.

Twilight's expressions softened and she relaxed a bit.

"Well then. I'm sorry I misjudged you." She looked back. "As you can see, I just haven't had many great encounters with your kind lately."

I nodded. "I know where my morals are at, but I can't speak for the rest of my world."

"Well morals and that are fine and dandy, but how exactly did all this even happen?" Applejack asked.

I shrugged, "Like I said, I had just woke up here. And believe me, I had no intentions of transversing universes anytime soon."

"Well since you aren't like the others, would you mind if I asked a few questions to help with this situation?" Twilight asked, pulling a clipboard and pencil out of absolutely nowhere.

I shrugged and made my way over to stand a chair up and sit in it.

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

The others followed and set up chairs to sit in.

Twilight slapped on some glasses and held the clipboard in front of her.

"What exactly were you doing before  you got here?" She asked.

"That's easy; sleeping." I smiled.

"No, we need to go more in depth. Tell me EVERYTHING about that day."

I shuffled in my chair, remembering some bits and pieces of Sunday that absolutely destroyed my mood.

"Alright. Get comfy."