What you call "Ponies" I call "Tuesday"

“So, basically,” Harry began, hesitating slightly, allowing me to continue his sentence for a few words.

“We are in a world of ponies,” I said, motioning him to continue the explanation.

“And in about 40 seconds of our coming here,” He said, his head bobbing slightly.

“We attracted the attention of,” I said, again motioning him to continue, giving a slight eye roll at how much I got dragged into this bit.

“The president of pony land?” Harry said, grinning sheepishly, and almost causing me to fall off the chariot from laughing at what he said. Well, despite his political incorrectness (yes, it’s a word, look it up!) he basically summed it up, and in a shorter explanation than I could do.

“Heh, yeah, well think of it this way, at least we don’t have to vote now,” I said, regaining my composure. Harry gave a slight chuckle at the thought. Voting for a princess? That would be a sight to see. I mean seriously, who ever thought of voting for royalty?

Anyways, after a good few minutes of poking fun at pony politics, we caught a sight on the horizon. A very large, and very… bright city. Honestly, how can a place so big stay clean enough to reflect enough light to nearly blind anyone if they decided to fly in? Anyways, this was obviously our destination because the guards started angling us for a landing somewhere in town. Hard to say exactly where, it was all one big sun splotch to me.

How was Harry coping with this? Hard to say, he was speaking so quick I couldn’t begin to try and quote him on it. However, I guess he was mystified by it judging by his tone. It was something like a school boy getting to meet his hero.

During which…

“Do you really think this is wise, sister?” Asked a deep blue alicorn, her starry mane shifting with what one would assume to be concern, if an emotion could be seen in that feature.

“Relax, Luna, I spoke to one of them, and I think they should at least get a chance to plead their case,” Said a vibrantly white alicorn, with a gentle smile gracing her face. Her rainbow mane drifted gracefully around her head, flowing on an imaginary breeze.

“Hmph, very well then, we shall hear what they have to say,” Luna said plainly. She turned to face the door, making a slightly pouty face at her sister’s explanation of what transpired during the “Best Young Flier Competition.”

“Hehe, lighten up, Lulu, at least we get to show off a little now,” Celestia said, winking at her little sister. Luna stiffened, she hated that Celestia still remembered her pet name after all these years. She shuddered to think of what she remembered on top of her pet name. She was snapped back into reality when the doors to the throne room swung open, revealing an earth pony with a rather poofy cap, and a ruffled collar.

“Your Highness, the guards have returned with the ehm… ‘guests,’” He said, giving a slight bow.

“Ahh, excellent, send them in, when they are able,” Celestia said, reminding herself of the odd conversation she had with the one called David, an hour or two ago. Considering that he didn’t even know who she was or anything else that is “common information” such as terminology and geography, she figured it’d still be a few minutes before they made their way to the throne room.

So, she relaxed and took a deep breath. Letting her thoughts wander, she began thinking about how best to present herself, as first introductions are very important. Luna, on the other hand, decided now would be a good time to stretch her legs, so she began to stand up, and stretch every muscle in her body. After holding the pose for a good few seconds, she settled back into her seat, next to her sister’s throne.

Meanwhile, in the courtyard…

“Ooohhhh what’s this,” Harry said, eyes shining on the large marble door in front of us. Okay, yes, he is marveling at a door, a very large, hand crafted, marble door. With a gilded frame, and very nice err… knobs? Ugh… dirty jokes… Moving on.

“That is a door, Harry, you know that because we have them back where we come from,” I said, in the nicest possible way. However, when you’re pointing out that something like that door is just a door, you will always come off as slightly… arrogant? Right, well, in any case he didn’t seem bothered by it. In fact, he decided to test the waters by saying that every time we passed something on our way through the palace.

Following the guards to wherever they decided to take us, I decided to try and keep a mental note of the dimensions of the castle. Easy in theory, but after the 12th turn, I gave up. Honestly, if this was just one possible way, trying to map out an entire building like this by memory would be like trying to take notes on Stephen Hawking’s physics class in Russian with no abilities in Russian speech. I was just about to bash my face into the wall after Harry asked me for the millionth time what one of the stained glass windows were, when we came upon a large set of doors.

“We’re here, now it would be best if you didn’t keep the princess waiting,” Said the guard in front of well, me. The other one just nodded. I suppose he didn’t have much to add to his partner’s line.

“Alrighty… well, let’s go in and say ‘Hi’” I said, trying to straighten my posture. After all, we’re meeting royalty. Harry just sighed, and waited for us to be lead into the room.

“Well, what are you two waiting for?” Said the guard in front of Harry. He turned around to flash us an intimidating look, to be stopped by the sight of the Pegasus behind him having his wings stretched out to its full span. His eyes grew wide, and he stood there, mouth agape. Harry flashed him a puzzled look, before the other guard turned to get a look at the scene.

“Yeah what are you-OH SWEET CELESTIA! Sir, make yourself decent!” said the other guard, trying to cover his eyes. At this point, I decided to ask what the problem was, however, it came out as something like…

“What’s wrong with you two, you’re acting like he’s running around without any pants on?” I said, turning my head to see my buddy with his wings stretched out. And it was hilariously at this point that I realized, he wasn’t wearing ANY pants! He had nothing! Nada! I was mortified. However, it seems the guards and I had two totally different reasons to be the way we were.

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to keep your… wings… under control,” chimed the guard, snapping out of his stupor, and fighting back a blush. Harry still looked puzzled before he realized that he had his wings standing on end. He still didn’t understand what had the guard so embarrassed, but he began to try and fold his wings.

After watching him flap, rotate, and otherwise move his wings to everything but a folded position, I decided to get involved. Much to the guard’s umm… displeasure? I get the feeling they weren’t telling us a very important detail, but I didn’t feel like asking.

“Okay, hold still,” I said as I made my way over to the struggling pegasus. He stopped moving his wings so I could get a better look at the bone structure. After toying and moving his wings around in quick motions, I proceeded to fold them in a way that I would assume be a “folded” position for them. During which, I guess Harry decided it would be funny to make moaning noises to try and get me to laugh.

After about 3 or so minutes of messing with his wings, we finally get them tucked in and the guards just proceeded to stare at us, their faces pink from the sight they just saw. Seriously, I don’t understand the joke. But, at least it’s over and done with.

“Ehh, right, forgetting what we just saw, this way,” The guard said, reluctantly. His partner just nodded, and they both went to open the door to the throne room. The room itself was done entirely in pristine white marble, with a few pillars down the sides of the path of red carpet. The carpet was literally the same exact look as the red carpet we see during the Grammy Awards. I think it’s the Grammys anyways… The pillars are done in the same white marble, but the base and top were ornamented gold bases one would see in perhaps a temple of some kind.

The room was beautifully lit by the sun pouring its light through the windows on the far end of the room. And I thought the town was bright, this place alone is like finding a lone diamond in a pile of coal. It would be breathtaking if I wasn’t being nearly blinded by it as the doors were opened in front of us.

Lifting a hoof to cover my eyes, I turned my head to see if Harry was doing the same, and it turns out, he had sunglasses… I was about to question where he got them, but then remembered that we had a meeting to get to. So biting my tongue (literally and metaphorically) I decided to start making my way down the clearly marked pathway to the base of the throne. Now, this wouldn’t have been an issue if the sun wasn’t blinding me from every possible angle… however, since that IS the case, it goes without saying that I was staggering and stumbling much worse than I thought I would.

We got about halfway before I messed my step up and stumbled onto my face. Ouch, not my brightest moment. Well, unless you count the sun lit marble room we were standing in, then I guess it was… However, my face would beg to differ that viewpoint… After woozily getting up, I noticed that the light as dimmed enough that I could actually SEE!

“Heh, sorry about that,” came a voice from in front of us. Me and Harry looked at the source of the voice to see not one, but 2 absolutely stunning horses on a raised section in front of us. We glanced at each other, then back at the 2 horses. One was pure white, with a gold crown, necklace, and bracelets around her forelegs. She had a sun mark on her flank, and a rainbow colored mane that seemed to flow freely even though there wasn’t any wind. The other was a smaller, dark blue version of the first, but with a starry mane, also moving in an imaginary breeze, and what appeared to be an onyx version of the other one’s jewelry. Her mark was a crescent moon.

We stood there, stunned. It seemed like time stood still, just dragging this moment on… and on… and on… until…

“See anything you like?” Me and Harry jumped. We literally tried to pull a Scooby-Doo onto each other, colliding in mid-air, and falling flat on our rumps. The white one let out a small giggle, while the other one just gave us a blank stare.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya, I’m Princess Celestia, but I’m sure you know that by now,” said Celestia. Why do I get the feeling we spoke before? I kept wondering that while she was making their introductions.

“AND WE ARE LUNA, PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT,” Said the blue one, in an almost otherworldly yell. Seriously, how is the small one louder than the big one? I barely had time to gather myself before she gave us another line in that unbearably loud voice. “NOW, WE COMMAND YOU TELL US, WHO ART THOU?”

Harry was the first to speak up, I guess more to save us from being yelled at some more.

“Well, my name is Harry, and the large, bumbling jacket with legs here is my friend, David,” He said, giving a smug grin and a wink from behind the sunglasses. “And I have one question for the both of you, do you two know karate, because your bodies are ki-“ He almost got the last word out before I managed to thump him in the back of the head. Honestly, hitting on royalty you just met. I mean I know you don’t lack for confidence, but this is just ridiculous…

“Sorry about that, ignore that last bit,” I said, putting on a sheepish grin, and trying to play it off as one of those newcomer quirks. Celestia was chuckling to herself, but her sister just looked confused. She tried to ask us what Harry was talking about, but I had to cut her off.

“Ahhh! Please, No offense to you, but can we just use our indoor voices?” I asked, trying to be as polite as I could while trying to get an answer in a reasonable volume level.

“BUT THIS IS OUR INDOOR VOICE, WE ALWAYS ADDRESS OUR SUBJECTS WITH THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE!” Luna said, using a face that screamed “As a matter of fact, sir, no we can’t.” Great, one is laughing at us, and the other is basically going to deafen us.

“It’s okay Luna, I’ll talk to them, I don’t think they’re used to your voice, yet,” said Celestia. Thank gawd, because I think my ears are going to be ringing like church bells later.

“So, I think we’ll begin with, what are you,” Celestia said, beaming a look down on us. And for a moment, it seems like all the rays of light shining through the window focused on us, too. Creepy. Anyways, I did what any sensible person would do in that situation, step fourth and let the panel commence.

“Well, we were humans a…” Blah blah blah blah, I began answering their questions in as professional a manner as possible. However, as all things go, Harry steps in a few times and cracks a well-placed joke in between my explanations. Sure, a few of them were funny, even got Luna to smile, but it made it go by longer. Eventually, Celestia noted that it was evening…

“Oh my, Luna look, its evening! We’d better get out there and cycle through!” Celestia said, rather alarmed that something like time could sneak up on her like that. Luna just nodded and got up to follow her sister.

“Oh, and steward, show these two to one of the empty chambers around the castle, we aren’t finished with them yet, but it’s been a long day,” Celestia said hurriedly to one of the nearby horses.

“As you wish, your majesty,” said the steward, taking a bow.

“Thanks, and take care of our new little ponies, they have a long day tomorrow,” Celestia said, flashing us a wink as she marched out the door, with Luna right behind her. Me and Harry sat stunned in their wake, we actually… did we just… whuh? We snapped out of it when the steward walked up and motioned for us to follow.

“This way, sirs, I’ll show you to your chambers,” He said without opening his eyes. Oh, this guy is gooooood, well two can play this game. I closed my eyes and began to follow our leader to our room. It turns out, walking blind isn’t my strong suit, because on the way out of the room, I slammed muzzle first into one of the pillars on the way out. OW! I grabbed my muzzle and flipped down onto the ground, rolling in pain. Harry saw this, and fell to the ground, doubled over in laughter.

After getting up, and not deciding to close my eyes this time, we eventually made our way to our room. The steward opened the door and backed away, letting us walk in and get a better look at our quarters. It was similar to the throne room, but it wasn’t as bright. And there was a bed, and only one window, and a door to the bathroom was on the far end, and there was an armoire (closet for you unsophisticated types out there, you know who you are.) and next to that was a dresser, with a vase on top of it. In the vase was a small bouquet of purple flowers… not sure what kind, but they were purple… and flowery shaped…

Hey wait, there was only one bed… Uhh… Hmm… did they expect us to really share the thing? I couldn’t begin to think of how this would work. No matter which way we sliced it, it was going to be awkward. I took another look see around the room. In the blind spot, in one of the closer walls was a mid-sized couch, red cloth with gold stitching, and had a couple red and gold pillows on it.

“Perfect!” I said aloud, and ran over to it. Jumping a short bit in the air, I landed on the couch, to test its sturdiness. It held me up with no trouble at all! Haha, just perfect, Harry can have the bed, give me a couch any day. I began trying to take my coat off, and use it as a blanket for the night, when I caught Harry staring at me. What? Did I have something in my hair? Is there a spider on my face? So help you if there is a spider on my face and you don’t tell me…

“Uhhh, David, you have something on your leg…” he said, pointing to my flank. I glanced down to see what he meant. I was graced with the oddest thing. My mark was a large eye with the pupil redone to look like one of those swirlies you see in anime.

“I certainly don’t remember having this a few minutes ago,” I said, still staring at my eye flank. I couldn’t help it, I started poking at it, like if I made it angry enough, it might go away.

“That’s because you had that coat of yours to cover it up, you silly goose,” Harry said, rolling his eyes at me. I couldn’t help what came out next, it just flowed out of my mouth… muzzle? No mouth.

“Hey, I’m not a goose, I’m a pony, dammit, and don’t you forget it,” I said, raising an eyebrow, in a serious tone. There was an awkward silence for a bit as we processed what was said, we then proceeded to give a furious uproar of laughter that I’m sure everyone in the castle could hear. I’m sure this was about the time the steward left, because I saw the light from the hallway slowly shrink and then disappear.

After a few minutes of laughing freely, we then proceeded to get ready for bed. It was late, and I’m sure tomorrow is going to be a very, very, VERY, strange day.