SPQR

Chapter 2

Puddinghead Memorial Hospital, Ponyville

Nurse Redheart continued to flip through the latest issue of The Canterlot Inquirer. Apparently it was rumored that Princess Celestia had recently gotten a horn extension. How scandalous! Horns, much like a certain other organ, were highly valued depending on their size. Longer horns were considered more desirable, even though horn length had nothing to do with magical ability.

 Redheart herself believed that Celestia’s horn was all natural. This was certainly not the case with Prince Blueblood. It was blatantly obvious that he had gotten a horn-job. Sadly, Nurse Redheart’s musings were cut short when she noticed three fillies enter the room. They were dragging what appeared to be an armored Minotaur.

Redheart cleared her throat. “Excuse me girls but what seems to be the problem?”

Babs grinned sheepishly. “Uhh…it’s kind of a long story.”

“Oh I think you’ll find that I have plenty of time to hear it.”

“Well, we were on our way to Zecora’s hut when a Timber wolf attacked us outta nowhere! We thought we were goners for sure, but then this guy showed up and saved us. I think he musta gotten hurt ‘cause his chest is bleeding.”

“Very well, I’ll send for a stretcher. Why don’t the three of you go wait in the reception room?”

“I guess so, but we don’t have any bits…”

Redheart chuckled. “That’s fine dear. Equestrian medical care is paid for through taxes. Also, if you get hungry go ahead and feel free to get something from the cafeteria.”

The crusaders watched as their savior was wheeled away to the ER. The three of them plopped onto the soft cushioned chairs within the reception room, feeling completely exhausted. Initially they hadn’t felt too bad when they were dragging the strange creature around, but that was because they still had adrenaline coursing through their veins. Babs and Apple Bloom giggled when they heard Sweetie’s gut rumble from all the way across the room. The unicorn in question blushed heavily and got off the chair.

“Heh…I guess I must be hungry. I’m gonna get something to eat, do you guys want anything?”

Apple Bloom waved her hoof. “Oh oh! Ah want an apple turnover!”

Babs scoffed. “Bloom don’t you ever get tired of apples?”

“Fer your information ah happen to love apples! And how can you say that Babs? You’re an Apple too!”

“Yeah well I’m not on a farm surrounded by ‘em all the time.”

Sweetie cleared her throat. “Girls can we stop arguing and just get some food already?”

Babs blushed. “I’m sorry Bloom I got a bit carried away. I guess we’re all a little on edge from what happened in the forest.”

“Don’t worry Babs, ah forgive ya. I’m still worried what mah sister’s gonna say though.”

Sweetie frowned. “Oh yeah…Rarity will freak out when she hears about this. She’ll probably be like: Sweetie darling you look absolutely horrendous! Going out in nature is THE WORST POSSIBLE THING!”

Babs paled trying to get Sweetie’s attention. “Umm you might want to be careful what you say Sweetie.”

Sweetie turned around to see that her sister was glaring at her. “H-hey sis…what’s up?”

“Sweetie, I’ll tell you what’s up…MY BLOOD PRESSURE! I knew that it was a bad idea to have a bunch of fillies go gallivanting about in a dangerous forest. But I got distracted by Apple Bloom’s adorable routine.”

Apple Bloom blushed. “Sorry Ms. Rarity...”

“I’m sure you are, and you’re going to have to say it again once your sister arrives.”

“What? But how the hay did she find out we were in trouble so quick?”

“Why that’s simple darling, I received a magi-gram from the hospital. Nurse Redheart sent it. Naturally I alerted both Twilight and Applejack immediately afterwards.”

Sweetie nudged her sister’s side. “I don’t understand. Why would Twilight need to know about it?”

“Apparently the creature that saved your lives is not a minotaur. In fact, the doctors aren’t entirely sure what he is. So, I felt it was best to contact Twilight and see if she might be able to make sense of the situation.”

Babs rubbed her chin. “How do they know it was a he? I mean it was wearing some kind of armor so I couldn’t really tell.”

Rarity blushed. “Nurse Redheart said that when the doctors removed his clothing to treat him, they found certain…parts of the male anatomy. The creature is most definitely a male, I assure you.”

         Gaius awoke to find that he was lying in a bed. One of the first things he noticed was that he no longer was wearing his armor. In fact, he was wearing nothing more than an ill-fitting green shirt that went all the way down to his ankles. He didn’t understand the point of wearing a shirt that opened up in the back. A shirt’s purpose was to keep the wearer warm and this one certainly did a poor job of it.

At least the blanket kept him warm. Gaius looked down the collar of his shirt to inspect his new injury. Apparently, while he was unconscious, someone had the decency to bandage him up. He’d have to thank whoever did that. Such kindness was rare these days.

         The room wasn’t like any he had ever seen. It was sparsely furnished with only two chairs and what appeared to be paintings of various fruits, hanging on the walls. Most of the paintings he’d seen were all painted directly on the walls. These had some kind of wooden frame around them…how bizarre. When Gaius went to scratch his leg, he felt a tugging sensation in his right arm. Looking at his appendage he found that a long tube was attached to it. The tube itself had a bag on the end of it, which was suspended from a metal pole.

                He hopped out of bed, feeling a jolt go up his legs as his feet hit the cold tiles. As Gaius walked a few paces, he noticed that annoying tube was still lodged in his arm. With a hearty yank he ripped it out, spraying a mixture of IV fluid and blood onto the floor. As soon as he did that, a strange glowing box next to the metal pole began making loud noises. Wanting to get away from all the commotion he ran out into the hall, only to find several garishly colored stallions in white coats running towards him.

                Gaius kept running, trying to shake off his pursuers but is it was becoming an increasingly difficult task. With his injuries every breath he took felt like he was inhaling molten metal. The stallions had the distinct advantage of not only being healthy but they had an extra set of legs to propel them with increased efficiency. Gaius stood his ground. If he couldn’t outrun them, he would fight them.

         The two stallions practically skidded into a wall, not expecting him to stop so abruptly. One of them smiled and approached him, speaking in what Gaius guessed was soft tones in their whinny language. The centurion noticed that the other stallion had a shiv-like device clasped in his mouth. So, the fools thought they could trick him? They would be sorely mistaken about that.

                Nurse Steady Needle approached the strange bipedal creature with caution. Never in his entire career had he seen an individual act like this. Sure there were ponies that feared getting injections, but this was ridiculous. He hoped that his co-worker, Nurse First Aid, would be able to distract the creature long enough so he could apply the sedative.

                Nurse First Aid held up his hoof. “Easy there fella, we’re not here to hurt you. You’re injured and need to rest. Any kind of movement will aggravate your injury, so just let us do our job ok?”

                The creature gritted its teeth and growled. “Uhh…Steady you might want to hurry up with that sedative, it looks pretty angry.”

                Just as Steady was about to apply the injection, the creature pivoted to the side and delivered a swift punch to the poor stallion’s snout. Crying in pain, Steady dropped the needle onto the floor. The creature grabbed the needle and used it to stab Steady in the neck. The stallion’s vision immediately began to blur as he felt the sedative kick in.

                First Aid saw his friend collapse to the floor and decided to take action. He charged at the creature full-gallop, intending to incapacitate its legs. The creature yelled loudly as First Aid contacted its legs. A few seconds later, the nurse grinned when he saw the creature lying on the floor. While it was a shame that he had to treat a patient this way, sometimes nurses were left with little other choice. Hopefully he didn’t aggravate the creature’s injuries further.

                Gaius waited until the stallion started to walk away. The insolent horse thought it had subdued him, well not quite. As one might expect, being tackled by a stallion was quite painful but Gaius had been through much worse. He slowly got up and grabbed the stallion by the mane and mounted him. In response the stallion thrashed and bucked, trying to kick Gaius off his back.

The Roman was used to riding horses but by Jupiter’s balls did this little guy put up a fight. He laughed realizing how comical it must look for a full grown man to be riding a miniature stallion. Due to his momentary amusement he wasn’t paying attention as well as he should have…and was promptly thrown against a wall. He grunted as a white-hot pain surged through his chest, and then blacked out.

                Rarity had long since left the hospital with her sister, leaving Twilight and the three members of the Apple family to sort things out. All of them were sitting in the reception area, arrayed in a circle with Applejack glaring daggers at her sister and cousin.

                “Ah can’t believe how irresponsible that was. Y’all could’ve been killed!”

                Apple Bloom’s ears flattened. “I’m sorry sis, ah should’ve been more considerate. Ah promise it won’t happen again.”

                “You’re darn right it won’t happen again. When we get back to the farm, you’ll eat supper and head straight ta bed. I’ll decide your punishment in the mornin’. And as for you Babs, you’ll be joinin’ your cousin in that same punishment. Do ah make mahself clear?”

                Both fillies looked down at the ground. “Yes ma’am.”

                Applejack eyes softened as she wrapped them both in a hug. “I’m just glad the both of ya are safe. Y’all should be thankful that creature was around ta save your hides. Ah reckon ah owe it a debt o’ gratitude.”

                Twilight raised her eyebrow. “Umm Applejack, I believe Nurse Redheart said the creature was a male. I think it would be in our best interest to address him properly.”

                “Ah suppose you’re right Twi. It’d be might rude of us to think of ‘im as a creature.”

                 “My thoughts exactly! I mean he must have some measure of intelligence, if he saved the girls from a Timber wolf.”

                Babs nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Bloom and I wanna thank him too! But…where is he?”

                “Well last I heard he was…”

                Nurse Redheart trotted over to Twilight looking rather distressed. “Ah there you are Ms. Sparkle! I’m afraid there’s been an incident and we urgently need your help.”

                “How serious is it?”

                “Apparently the creature got confused and decided to run out of his room. Two of our nurses were injured in the process. The creature passed out due to overexerting himself, no doubt due in part to his wound. Currently he’s in his room again, but has been strapped down and sedated.”

                Twilight bit her lip. “Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme? Maybe he’s just frightened with his new surroundings.”

                Redheart blushed. “Well…it may have been a bit extreme. I suppose we should have left a nurse in his room in case the situation got hairy, but mistakes happen. We simply didn’t anticipate him to be so violent.”

                “We all make mistakes Redheart. Might I be able to visit him?”

                “You certainly may, Ms. Sparkle. In fact, you’re the best chance we have at communicating with him. Follow me and I’ll show you to his room.”

                Gaius found himself lying on a bed, yet again. Only this time his arms and legs had been strapped down to the bed, immobilizing him completely. He was pleasantly surprised to note that he could feel little, if any pain at all. Perhaps they had given him milk of the poppy. That would certainly explain the slight feeling of euphoria he had right now. Still, he wasn’t exactly happy with the current situation.

A pair of familiar looking fillies entered the room, distracting his musings. They were accompanied by two other ponies. By this point Gaius was used to the utterly ridiculous colorings that all of these miniature horses seemed to possess. But he wasn’t prepared for the fact that the purple pony standing in front of him had both a horn and wings. Worse yet, the other orange colored pony was wearing some kind of hat! Why would they even need to wear hats, or have horns for that matter?

The purple-horned pony cocked her head and spoke something to him. Gaius frowned and tried speaking as softly as he could. “Hello there, little one. My name is…oh what’s the use!? You obviously can’t understand me, you’re a damned horse!”

The pony backed away a few steps, obviously alarmed at this outburst. “Ok, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

The horned pony spoke again, this time scrunching her eyebrows. Gaius could tell it was a mare, because of the pitch and tone of her voice. Strangely enough, her mane seemed to be styled much like a woman’s hair. What amazed him even more was her facial expressions. He could tell exactly what she was feeling, it was almost comical.

Twilight let out a frustrated grunt. “I have no idea what he’s saying! He clearly is intelligent and can speak, but I’ve never come across such a complex-sounding language before.”

Applejack patted her on the back. “Hey now don’t beat yourself up too much sugarcube. Maybe you just aren’t approachin’ this in the right way.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“Well instead of tryin’ ta talk to ‘im, why don’t you use pictures instead?”

Twilight got out a small writing pad and began to scribble some drawings on it. The creature seemed to look at them with interest at first but then he became frustrated, gesturing to the restraints on his wrists. The alicorn’s eyes widened as she realized what the source of his frustration was. The restraints on his wrists meant that he couldn’t point to anything or make any kind of drawings himself. Twilight immediately used her magic to unbind the leather straps.

Due to his previous experience with magic, Gaius felt uneasy when the unicorn used some kind of sorcery to unbind him. At least he could move his arms and legs again. The mare levitated a small, rectangular object into his lap. From what Gaius could tell, it was some type of papyrus.

She had drawn a picture of herself with an arrow leading to a set of letters. Gaius assumed it must have been her name, but the writing was just as foreign to him. It looked similar to Persian writing, in his opinion. He was still out of luck because even if it was Persian, he couldn’t understand that either. In the end Gaius merely shrugged.

Applejack smiled. “Heh even ah understand what that means. Funny how some things are universal.”

Twilight stomped her hoof. “I’ve done all I can as far as mundane forms of communication are concerned. Applejack…I don’t know what else to do!”

“Hmm ah seem to recall that there was some kind o’ mythical creature expert livin’ in Ponyville, maybe she could help us.”

“You mean a cryptozoologist?”

“Yeah that’s it! Ah knew it was one o’ them fancy words. The mare’s name was Lyra Heartstrings, if ah recall correctly.”

Twilight groaned. “Oh I’ve heard of her alright. She’s printed several books, all of which are a bit…out there. I’m not so sure we should get her involved in all of this.”

“Would you rather get Princess Celestia involved?”

“Honestly I’d rather she not even know about this. You know I’m a princess now too, and I’d like to start acting like one. This is my problem to take care of, since this creature showed up near Ponyville.”

“Alright, if you insist sugarcube. But don’t come cryin’ to me when things start to get complicated. It’s like mah pappy always said: Once you plant an apple tree, you gotta be the one to buck it.”

Bon Bon’s Candy shop, Ponyville

                Bon Bon was busy trying to make a new batch of truffles, as per Princess Luna’s order. While her sister Celestia enjoyed cake, Luna was more partial to chocolates. The confectioner had only found this out by chance, when the moon princess had visited Ponyville during Nightmare Night.

 In fact Luna had been so taken by Bon Bon’s chocolates, that she gave her a royal contract. She smiled at her newest creations, they were the perfect blend of dark chocolate and mint. The cream colored mare very nearly dropped them when she heard her roommate scream in excitement.

                Bon Bon stormed upstairs. “Lyra what the hay is so important that you needed to scream!?”

                “Bons you’ll never guess who I just got a letter from!”

                Bon Bon rolled her eyes. “Let me guess…it was a princess.”

                Lyra squeed. “Yes actually! It’s from Princess Twilight, she wants me to help her do some research on a possible new species.”

                “Lyra, sometimes I wonder if you don’t take this hobby of yours too seriously. When was the last time you had a  performance?”

                “Hey, I had one last month. It was in Stalliongrad remember?”

                “Hmm I suppose so. Just remember that you need to keep up on your rent. I already went easy on you last month, so don’t expect me to keep doing so. But…I guess it’s alright, so long as you’re earning bits.”

Lyra waved her hoof. “Don’t I usually pay on time Bons?”

“You do most of the time. Anyway, what did the letter say?”

“The princess said that she might have found a new sapient species, but she’s having trouble communicating with it. Also, she says there’s quite a few bits in it for me if I succeed.”

“That sounds interesting to be sure, but where is this new creature?”

“Actually, that’s the funny part. It’s apparently staying at the hospital.”

“Good, then it isn’t too far away.”

Lyra nodded. “Mhmm. Just think Bons. What if it’s a…human?”