SPQR

Chapter 6

The Lotus Petal Spa, Ponyville

Gaius had decided that his bath had gone on long enough. He had already lathered himself in the various “shampoos” his pony hosts had provided him and was satisfied that he didn’t smell like the arena after a beast match. The little unicorn, Sweetie Belle, seemed to have taken a liking to him for some reason. Gaius was rather fond of children so he took her friendly affection in stride.

For some odd reason the other mares seemed to clam up around him. Every time he looked over at them, they seemed to be blushing and darting their eyes. Perhaps the heat was getting to them? Back home some people just couldn’t tolerate hot water for very long. It was somewhat embarrassing for Romans to admit but it couldn’t be helped. With a shrug he exited the bath to find one of the attendants. Luckily a pink coated mare happened to be in the adjacent room, standing next to what appeared to be some kind of padded table.

Gaius put his hands on his hips. “Excuse me miss. I have finished my bath and I desire a massage. Would you happen to know who might be able to provide me with one?”

The mare stared at him for a few seconds before coughing violently. “Ah ehem…hello sir. You must be one of our guests today. My name is Aloe and I am the one who will be your masseuse today.”

“Excellent! I am unfamiliar with your customs, so is there anywhere specific you would like me to be while you perform your art?”

Aloe blushed. “Umm well normally you would just lay down on that table over there but there is a slight…problem.”

“Very well but what is the problem?”

“Forgive me for sounding rude sir, but won’t you be uncomfortable lying down like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“You know…your special parts.”

“Huh what nonsense are you mumbling about?”

“Please don’t make me say it out loud. It’s embarrassing.”

“By Jupiter’s beard! Why do all of you act so strangely around me?”

“It’s because your p-penis is right out in the open!”

Gaius scratched his head. “Really? That’s the reason all of you have been acting so odd? You’re embarrassed?”

“Sorry that was rather rude of me…”

“I honestly don’t understand. You ponies act as if you haven’t seen another creature’s loins before. What I find even stranger is that all of you don’t seem to wear clothing and yet you are embarrassed by my nudity!”

Aloe shuffled her hooves. “Yes, stallions do have a penis but they aren’t out in the open like yours is. Also, I should add that since you stand on two legs, your…thing is right at eye level.”

“Ah so the stallions have sheaths that allow them to retract their manhood. How strange. But surely not all creatures of this world have sheaths.”

“No, but they have either fur or tails to obscure it. We just aren’t used to seeing genitalia on full display like that. It’s…very distracting.”

Gaius rubbed his temples. “Would you be less distressed if I wore a towel around my waist?”

“I admit that it would certainly help.”

Aloe grabbed a towel from one racks nearby and Gaius quickly covered himself. Once robed, he swore he saw a quick flash of relief wash across the mare’s face. She pointed to the massage table, urging him to lie down. The table was a bit short for his body but was otherwise comfortable. He tensed up expecting the treatment to be painful, considering that hooves weren’t exactly as gentle as a woman’s fingers.

The mare was surprisingly delicate with her ministrations, easily ridding him of that nasty crick in his right shoulder blade. As a matter of fact, it was quite strange…her hooves were far more pliable than the horses he was used to dealing with. At some point he would have to ask Lyra why that was, but for now he simply wanted to relax. Gaius was just about to doze off, when he heard the mare gasp.

“Is there something wrong?”

Aloe replied hesitantly. “I’ve already been inconsiderate to you. I don’t wish to bother you further…it’s nothing.”

“Speak your mind pony. I promise you that I’m not easily offended. Besides, I’ve been around women enough times to know that when they say nothing is wrong, they really mean everything is wrong.”

“I noticed that you have a nasty scar near your right shoulder. You must have been in a horrible accident to receive such an injury. Does…it still bother you?”

Gaius chuckled. “Ah so that’s what was bothering you. It’s an old injury to be honest. I got that about three years ago during a skirmish. I was on patrol with a few of my men, when a band of barbarians ambushed us in the woods. My men were attacked by two berserkers and I rushed over to try and help them. Unfortunately, I turned my back and wasn’t paying attention to what was behind me.”

“W-what happened?”

“One of their comrades was hiding behind a tree. He shot me in the shoulder with an arrow. Luckily, the arrow failed to pierce my lung but by the gods did it hurt. If it had gone through, I surely would have died. To this day, I always give a prayer of thanks to Mars for sparing me. When I can, I also give him offerings.”

Aloe paled slightly but continued her massage. “No offence…but your kind seems rather violent. I’m glad that I live in Equestria and not your world, if that’s what you have to deal with.”

“None taken, we simply live in very different worlds. Mankind has always had a penchant for violence and we use it often to get what we want and resolve disputes. Honestly, I would be shocked if you weren’t appalled by it, since you seem to be a race of peaceful grass eaters.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like a griffon.”

“This world has griffons?”

Aloe nodded. “Yeah…and they’ve been rivals with us for centuries. They have a sizable empire to the east, called ‘The Eyrie’. It’s led by some kind of emperor. There’s a special word for it in Griftic but I can’t remember what it is…”

“I suppose that this world must be filled with mythical creatures. It shall take some adjustment on my part. And here I am still trying to get used to the concept of magic!”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it in time. When Lotus and I first moved here, this was a rather quiet town until the element bearers started causing all kinds of bizarre occurrences. Trust me; stranger things will happen around here…you can be sure of it!”

Aloe finished up the massage with liberal application of scented oil, trotting off to check up on her sister. Gaius rose from the table to perform a few stretches, to test out his newly limbered muscles. Much to his satisfaction, the soreness he had been feeling in his right shoulder was now completely gone. As he wrapped another towel around his neck, he heard the telltale voices of a few chattering mares coming from just outside the doors. Sure enough, Rarity and the gang were all standing outside waiting for him.

“Hello darling, I do hope you enjoyed your massage.”

“Yes, the attendant was quite skilled. You have my thanks Ms. Rarity.”

Rarity waved her hoof. “Think nothing of it! The girls and I very much enjoyed ours, particularly Lyra. She let out some rather audible groans of satisfaction.  The poor pegasus giving her the massage looked as if he was going to die of embarrassment. Hmm but I can’t say I blame her, that stallion was very sexy. The things I would have done to him…”

“What was that? I didn’t catch the last part.”

“Oh n-nothing darling, just a mare rambling to herself. I see that you’ve chosen to wear a towel this time around.”

“Yes…for some reason the attendant was bothered by my nudity. Can’t say I understand why but at least it made conversing with her easier. I’m curious, were you and the others bothered by it as well?”

Rarity bit her lip. “Well, I can’t say it wasn’t distracting. B-but please don’t take it the wrong way! Rest assured you have nothing to worry about.”

“Does that mean you were checking out my…”

“I’m terribly sorry to cut this conversation short, but I really must get Sweetie home. I need to feed Opal and make dinner and tidy up the shop a bit. Thank you once again for saving my sister and I hope you enjoyed the spa. Ta ta for now!”

Sweetie trotted up to Gaius and nuzzled his leg. “Thanks again for saving me. Maybe you could come over to the CMC clubhouse sometime and visit? I just know that Scootaloo would love you.”

Gaius patted her head. “You’re welcome little one. If I find some time away from my studies I shall visit you and your friends. Who knows, I might be willing to teach you a few things about living in the woods.”

“*Squee* Oh my gosh! We could be…CUTIE MARK CRUSADER FOREST RANGERS!!!”

Gaius waved to the rambunctious little filly as she and her sister made their way home. With his goodbyes complete, he decided to get dressed. Meanwhile, a very relaxed looking Lyra was sitting on her haunches next to Chrysalis. While the former queen didn’t look quite as satisfied as the mare next to her, she appeared far more pleasant than Gaius had ever seen her.

“I take it that the two of you enjoyed yourselves as well?”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “It was satisfactory, however I think Lyra enjoyed it a bit too much. She was practically a puddle on the floor after that massage. I’ll have you know that I had to drag her lazy carcass all the way here! A queen shouldn’t have to burden herself with such tasks.”

“Hey! It’s not like YOU didn’t enjoy it. I heard you letting out all those little sighs and giggles.”

“That may be so, but at least I didn’t moan like a stallion was rutting me into the ground.”

Lyra blushed. “I told you that I c-couldn’t help it!”

“Right...keep telling yourself that. Just think of that poor stallion and how hot and bothered you must have made him feel. He certainly had far more self-control than you did. I swear some mares have no shame.”

“No shame? Well you certainly have a lot of room to talk! At least I didn’t seduce a stallion by pretending to be his wife and raping him countless times.”

“Why you miserable little wretch! You are in no position to judge my actions. Nopony possibly could, since they have no idea what it’s like to be a species that lives off of emotions! Do you even know what it’s like to have an entire hive depending on you for their very survival!?” I highly doubt you. Choose your next words carefully pony, for I am sorely tempted to rip your insolent tongue out!”

Gaius slammed his boot onto the tile. “That is quite enough! I grow tired of the two you constantly bickering like old hags. Now if the both of you can’t get along, then I’ll be forced to drag you around by your tails…IN THE MIDDLE OF TOWN! Do I make myself clear?”

Both mares shuffled their hooves and looked at the ground. “Y-yes…”

“I want you both to act like adults and apologize to each other. The three of us can then have a long talk about our respective cultures, to clear up any misconceptions.”

Lyra scrunched her nose. “But she started…”

“Ahhh no back talk! Apology now!”

Both mares grumbled a halfhearted apology to one another and started their trek back to Lyra’s apartment. While Gaius wasn’t completely convinced that they were truly sorry, it was better than the two of them being at each other’s throats. As they were walking past a flower stall, the Roman suddenly started to get a nasty headache. This was distressing to him, because he had been so relaxed earlier so there wasn’t any reason for him to have to one right now.

He paused for a moment to try and get his bearings, which alerted his companions that something was wrong. Lyra stopped as well and started asking him a few questions, but the odd thing was…he couldn’t understand a word she was saying. All that came out of her mouth was the familiar sound of short whinnies. He tried telling that his head hurt but she only stared at him with a confused look, then he blacked out.

Lyra’s Apartment, Ponyville

Lyra and Chrysalis had put their bickering aside when they noticed how pained their human friend looked. They had to carry him the rest of the way back after he collapsed. Her translation spell had finally worn off and came with some nasty side effects. She knew this would happen eventually but hadn’t expected it to cause her human tenant so much pain. Perhaps it was because his body was so unused to magic, that using such a potent spell caused a magical backlash of sorts. Unsure of what to do, the mare buried her face in her hooves.

“What do I do? I can’t very well use another translation spell that would hurt him. Plus I don’t think I have enough energy to cast it so soon anyway. Oooohh what if permanently damaged his brain? Damn it, I got overexcited to help and screwed everything up!”

Chrysalis awkwardly placed her hoof on Lyra’s back. “Ehh I’m sure you didn’t cause any serious damage. Besides, I have an idea that might be able to help him. But we need to heal his headache first; otherwise he might actually incur some brain damage.”

“Umm…ok. I think I have some pills in the medicine cabinet. They’re actually supposed to be for magic hangovers, but they should do the trick.”

Chrysalis gasped when she found the bottle. “By the creator! These are medical grade narcotics! Why in Equestria would you need such potent drugs for a mere magical hangover?”

“Well you see…I don’t really have a huge reservoir of magic so I get really bad headaches if I overexert myself. I used to take regular aspirin but it never really helped much, so I had to get the strong stuff.”

“We can’t possibly give the human any of these, there’s no telling what kind of havoc they might create to his physiology. You go get him some water and I’ll try and heal his headache with my magic.”

About twenty minutes later, Chrysalis had finally managed to get rid of Gaius’s crippling headache. While most of his needs could be understood through gestures, it was paramount that he be able to speak with them. With a heavy sigh, Chrysalis began to channel magic towards the Roman’s head. His unconscious form flinched slightly but didn’t resist otherwise.

“What are you doing to him?”

“I’m applying a more permanent solution to his communication problem. Essentially, I’m trying to establish a mind meld with the human so that he can gain all of my knowledge on the Equestrian language, amongst other things.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? What if it doesn’t work, I mean he certainly isn’t a changeling.”

“Trust me, it shall work. I’ve performed such melds with many different partners, some of whom weren’t changelings. Unfortunately, it’s very taxing on me because I also receive information from his mind as well.”

“Oh…so that’s why you’re blushing?”

Chrysalis chuckled. “That’s certainly part of it. However, I must add that this sort of thing is considered a VERY intimate act in my culture. Changeling couples generally do this to increase the intensity of their relationship both emotionally and…physically.”

“Whoa that’s actually pretty neat. I had no idea you guys could do that.  But I’m more surprised you’d be willing to do that for him, since he isn’t exactly your stallion-friend or anything.”

“No he isn’t but that doesn’t change that fact that this is the most expedient solution to our problem. Urrghh some of his memories are quite violent, even for my own tastes. Wait a moment is that a human female?  Those teats look like the udders of a cow! Their girth would only serve to get in the way with all that bouncing around.  Why is she…oh…well that’s interesting. Hmm I’ll have to ask about that later.”

“What? What is it you’re seeing? I wanna know!”

“Some sort of human mating ritual. It certainly is entertaining to watch, if a bit odd.”

Lyra blushed. “Y-you shouldn’t be watching that. That’s supposed to be private.”

“As I told you before, this process is the exact opposite of private. It does not have filters of any kind. If it makes you feel any better, he can see all of the times I’ve mated.”

“Doesn’t that bother you?”

Chrysalis waved her hoof. “Not particularly. I live off of love my dear and part of love is lust. If we treated sex like you ponies do, we’d starve to death. I still don’t understand why you get so embarrassed, when it’s such a natural process.”

“But you treat it like it’s no big deal. It’s supposed to be something that you do with your special somepony and you make it sound so cheap and hollow…”

“Pfft such old fashioned notions! Sure, sex can be an act of affection but it’s also pretty damn fun. You put it such a high pedestal that…hold on a second. You’ve never had sex before have you?”

Lyra fiddled with her hooves. “….no.”

“Hmm you certainly aren’t that bad looking. So why no stallion? I suspect you simply lack the social skills, if your performance at the spa was any indication.”

“Was it that obvious?”

“Sadly, yes. Luckily you have me around to teach you how to attract stallions, mares, or any other kind of creature you desire. Consider it an apology for my behavior earlier.”

“O-ok if there’s time, I might take you up on your offer.”

Chrysalis grinned. “Now there’s a good mare.”

Gaius awoke feeling much better than he had before. Although he had some rather strange dreams, mostly involving the changeling queen. Ironically, the very same mare was sitting next to the couch he was lying on with a huge grin on her face.

It was hard for him to admit but he felt really awkward around her right now, considering that parts of his dream involved her in some rather…compromising positions. Gaius shrugged mentally and passed it off as merely an odd dream.

“How long was I out?”

“Not terribly long.”

“Oh well that’s…wait, I can understand you again! How is this possible?”

Chrysalis nonchalantly blew on her hoof. “You and I shared a mind meld. It’s all very complicated changeling magic so I won’t bore you with the details, but rest assured you are now fluent in Equestrian.”

“A mind meld…that sounds so bizarre.”

“It’s simple; we shared all of our knowledge and memories with each other. I know of the human world now and you know of my past.”

“Huh…so when I saw you in those dreams, that was actually your memories?”

“Mhmm and I bet you saw some interesting things. Oh and by the way, I just so happened to see a few interesting things myself. You are a fascinating creature, Gaius Septimus.”