Chapter 1: Halo and Meatball Subs
Chapter 1
Halo and Meatball Subs
Ya know the rules your parents tell you, probably not. Well there is the one about talking to strangers, another one about taking gifts at face value, and to not playing in the middle of traffic. In 20 minutes I broke those three simple rules and got indebted to a Chaos God and launched into a world thought to be fiction.
You would think that I’m a super fool, and you'll be 13 percent right. The other 65 percent is that I’m an ass to most people I meet, except for women- I’ve been raised better, and 20 percent of chaos induced insanity. Man can I ramble. My name is Dale, for now at least. This saga all started when I rode down to the local GameStop in Kelso, Washington. Now I’m just a nineteen year old who behaves for his mother, I am 6 foot 5 inches tall with red hair and moles along my neck in the shape of a cane. I am an avid gamer and I irks me not to have a complete game series. My plan was to fill the holes in my Halo collection on this expedition. I owned Halo 3, ODST, Reach (honestly they fucked that one), and Halo 4. Now I’m not captain oblivious, but there were clear signs that I promptly ignored. Those signs were a promo for a cash prize giveaway, and a very curious looking employee with a toothy grin and a hat with the mane six on the bill and one hand had some sharp nails, just the one hand! Still I walked up to the counter and asked for the games I was missing. He said “Sure bro, want to try for the promo?”
Figuring Jabba the Hut had better chances at getting Megan Fox into bed, replied “Why not.” After a form that had ‘Do you like bananas? If so, where?’ as a required field that disappeared away as I finished. The symphony of our growling stomachs drew my attention.
I asked “hey want a sandwich?” to which he replied “yea, it’s my lunch break anyways.” He rings me up and I hand him $50.
He opens the cash register but then frowns “Sorry bro, no change.”
I face palmed “Alrighty then, tell ya what. I’ll go to the subway next door and break the 50, buy lunch and then pay you. Ya want a meatball sub?”
He grins “Yea, and a Pepsi.”
I leave and head next door. After getting lunch and paying for the game, the man's smile widened as I handed him a sub. We started talking about random things. Mostly about how Halo progressed, how Bungie fucked the sprint action in Reach and how Bungie saved the series. How Master Chief is basically a god. At some point I asked a series of obvious questions. Starting with what his name was.
His response was coupled with a trolling grin “My name, Dale, is Discord.”
I go captain oblivious and carry on my query. “Why did the promo form ask if I liked bananas?”
“Do you like mmmbananas?” He countered.
I finally catch on, “Depends if they’re on the moon or not.”
With a sinister yet gleeful smile he hands me a gold card, “Well answered brony!”
I white face at his words- you see, I’m what you could call a “closet” Brony. I’m open about My Little Pony to other Brony’s but clueless to non brony’s- and it finally hits me like a head slap from Gibbs. Discord+ Mane 6 hat= Yo ass be stupid.
At seeing my face, he asks the one question all bronys’ read in fics and want to be asked, “Want to go to Equestria?”
My mind kicks into overdrive and I start to negotiate. “Yes, but I have a few terms.”
“Of course, my dear boy.” He says.
“First of all, I want to be a gator-dragon mix; a Drakegator if you will, one with all the dragon attributes but has more of a gator look. Secondly, hammer space access. Third you help me when I ask for it, not when you feel like it. Finally I want internet access and video games.” His prolonged silence starts to wear on my patience and nerves. During his silence I noticed that my foot-long sandwich has lasted longer than it should have. (Ya so what if I’m still eating! I’s hungry).
He locks eyes with me, and with a straight face, tells me, “Deal.” I was too busy staring at him in disbelief to notice him winding back with THE Gravity Hammer at my face.
The last words I exclaimed before I blacked out where “DAAAUUUMM”.
Chapter 2: ‘E ain’t a Purdy One
Chapter 2: ‘E ain’t a Purdy One
The thing about dreams is that you don’t remember the beginning; and the end leaves you questioning what your brain does when you sleep.
Two things I notice after my brain wakes up while I sleep; one, this is one hella soft bed, and my brain has started to hammer like a subwoofer on max volume. My first action is to roll over and turn off my iPod, but after not finding it, I feel the wind rip and howl around me. My only thoughts are that I should close the offending window, and what is with the semi-truck parked outside. I finally opened my eyes to see a lush green landmass rushing towards me, and as it turned out, that semi turned out to be a zeppelin like airship. And I’m about to crash through the bridge. “Dam it to-” Is all I get out before I shatter my way aboard.
That bass-a-thon in my head has now spread to my whole body. Amongst the sound of glass dropping to the floor, a voice from somewhere yells “That piece of shit broke my window!” Not my fault. I blame gravity and velocity. To the right of me another voice chimes in, “The hell he come from?” Well when a mommy and daddy love each other very much-“He sure ain’t a purdy one.”
“Well fuck you too brosiph!” I shout, slowly moving to my feet.
“How’da know mah name?” He exclaimed
“Well, last night that’s all your mother shouted in ecstasy while I plowed her like a wheat field.” I remarked in spite, still looking at the glass littered floor rubbing my temple to ease the headache.
“YOU SONOVABITC H!” Is all the warning I get before a hoof hits my nose. As I lay sprawled on the floor, my brain does a spit take.
‘Wait- HOOF?’
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“DA FUKING HELL!” I shout as I look up to see two ponies looking at me with surprise, and one steaming- I mean literally steam was blowing out his nose and ears- standing over a short, blood covered, curved tooth. One of the ponies, who had a faded yellow coat and a light brown mane with two bars on a black collar, the one who I think complained about the window says “Who are you?” While the one who asked about my origins tries to calm ‘Brosiph’ down. Mister Origins asks “What is it?” and Steamy McAngrypants just shoots death glares at me.
“Good questions, got a mirror?” I ask
The captain hands me a large chunk of glass from the ground. What I see surprises me. A scaled hand with claws holing the glass and a dark purple gator head with blue eyes, two toned red, shaggy hair. I lower the shard to get a look at the rest of myself. The dark purple from my head turns into black the rest of the way down my body, my belly is dark gold, and my wings are the same color as my body. One slight surprise is that my spikes along my spine are translucent! As I finish looking at my “smashing” appearance, my jaw starts to throb and I notice the copper-like taste in my mouth. Using my tongue to find the source of the pain, I jolt at hitting the raw nerves in my gums were a tooth should reside. ‘Dam bastard knocked my tooth out.’
“Son, I grow impatient, what is your name?” The captain asks me.
Since it’s a new body, I figure new rules. “My name is Ripper” I answer.
“Ok Ripper, my name is Kirk and I’m the captain of the vessel you just crashed onto.” I failed miserably at trying not to laugh my ass off.
“Are you done?” Captain Kirk asks while staring at me as I winded down. “The brown stallion to my left is First Mate Cemore Butts, and I believe you’ve already meet our cyan colored cook, Brody Joseph ‘Brosiph’ McCormick.” I bust out laughing again at Cemore’s name.
“Ass” Cemore mumbles out
“You’re one to talk Mr. Butts “I smirk at him.
I barely notice Brosiph winding back with a right hook. Unknown reflexes kick in and I beat my wings to side step the punch while I plant my tail to trip him. I grab my missing tooth and his throat, pressing the two together. He eyes grow to the size of saucers as I whisper into his ear “I will kill you and wear your skin as slippers, your bones as jewelry, and eat the meat like candy” He pisses himself before I knock him unconscious. After I step over his body, I realize what I just did. “Well dam, I’m one cool mofo.” Captain Kirk and Cemore just stare at me. “What?” I deadpanned.
“Nothing Ripper, nothing.” Captain Kirk shakes his head.
Cemore asks his best question yet, “H-hey, y-you hungry?”
“Every. Damn. Day.” I challenge as I follow him down the corridors.
After some hay fries and milkshakes, I ask a question that has been scampering around in my mind. “Where are we at Cemore?”
What he says slaps me like a freight train. “It’s Mr. Butts, and we are in Equestrian Airspace, and about three hours from Stalliongrad.” I chomp down on the fork I was eating with, curiously it tasted like a potato. At seeing what was left of the utensil, Cemore’s eyebrow raises as he says, “You never answered my question: What are you?”
“Well, I don’t rightly know. My best guess is since that I’m not a full dragon and I feel the need for murky waters, I’m a dragon/alligator mix. So I guess that means that I’m a Drakegator” I smile like an elated child while eating the rest of the forks on the table.