Friendship is Volatile

The best thing about meeting new, interesting, and fairly serious people is fucking with them. Well... Ponies in this case. While Locks could understand the idea behind babysitting a potentially dangerous new species there was obviously a failure in logical thinking. Why it didn't occur to the other ponies that Rainbow Dash would make for a poor first choice after yesterday's fiasco he couldn't comprehend, but so far the day was going swimmingly and his revenge complete.

Pinkie Pie hadn't stopped babbling since she showed up, and after Locks gave Rarity as their destination she simply clapped (Clopped? it sounded like coconuts being banged together) her hooves and led the way. The entire procession was made all the sweeter by her insistent, loud, and attention drawing chatter about honeymoons, babies, and starting a family with Dashie made everything better.

Note to self, Pinkie takes things literally and extremely. That and Dashie seems to have a complex with her public image... Or she was just really pissed off, either way he eyed her over carefully and noticed that her blush wasn't going away and the rosy hue seemed to travel farther along her wings. He wondered vaguely how the hell that worked until she caught him looking and glared.

"I hope you have the speediest recovery in Equestria... Because the moment you're well I'm going to buck you so hard..."

"Oh no Dashie! You can't play with him like that! You might hurt him again even if it feels good! You have to be gentle!"

It was really hard to breath through the pain filled laughter watching the pegasus's eyes widen at that comment. He wasn't completely sure but he thought he felt his troll senses tingling. The pink one might make a superb subordinate.

"Pinkie! WE ARE NOT BUCKING!"

"It's ok Pinkie! She's just antsy because she needs the dick."

"At least I can get dick! You're not going to be getting any! EVER!"

His face dropped in horror and sadness. Pinkie turned around and with one look at his face her hair seemed to deflate into a perfectly straight entity.

"Dashie.... That hurt my soul."

"I.. I didn't mean it like that!"

"I'm going to die here alone..."

His eyes welled up with tears, and with a look of sorrow a single tear rolled down his cheek. Pinkie had walked up to him and threw her arms around his waist in a hug. Rainbow Dash looked like her pet had just died, but as much as he wanted to milk it the moment Pinkie looked up his face split into a crazed smile and it hurt to breath again.

"THAT IS NOT FUNNY MISTER!"

Her hair appeared to have some form of sentience because it fluffed back up again. Dashie's wings had flared out and her teeth were bared. He could hear the pony growling which oddly enough made them look kinda cute in a homicidal way. His attention was brought back to Pinkie who was currently jabbing him in the chest, those damn hooves were hard as hell.

"Ow ow ok! Ow Stop it you pink cretin!

"You're a bad thingy! That was an awful joke and you should feel awful!"

"Fine fine fine! Geeze. I'm sorry for making such a bad joke. Dashie started it though..."

That Rainbow colored turd had a breaking point somewhere, and while it was definitely not a healthy choice poking and prodding at her he was hellbent on seeing just how far he could go.

"WHAT THE HAY ARE YA DOIN OUTSIDE?! YA SHOULD BE RESTIN!"

Oh look, it was an apple pony selling apples, go figure. What did these tiny bundles of anger have against going outside for a walk...

"Good morning apple pony! I'm just out for a little walk to speed the recovery! Nothing to see here!"

"Rainbow Dash! Ya were supposed ta keep an eye on him today! He ain't supposed ta be doin nothin but restin!"

"WHAT?! I can't make the bucking ahole stay at the library! Can I put him into a coma?! PLEASE? He can't bother anyone if he's unconscious!"

So these females had decided to keep him supervised while he was out last night. Fair enough but at least they could have told him that much.

"Oh Really? So I'm suddenly not an adult and I need to be watched like a bad child?"

"Sugar, you were messed up yesterday... Ya can't be paradin around town any old way. Why don't ya just relax a little back at the library? We're all worried about ya."

It was time to recap his current information after he passed out. During those black hours the doctors had taken some kind of samples and were diddling around with it given the money they brought this morning, all the girls had come to the decision of keeping him monitored, and Twilight seemed really keen keeping him on a short leash and living in her house after just a little comment from him.

All of it made sense to a point, he was an alien species and everything they had done could be logically sound if they were acting with only his concern in mind... So why did he have this nagging feeling something was being left out? Best way to figure that out was to catch one of them in a lie.

Leaning down he gently cupped Applejack's cheeks in his hands and smiled affectionately.

"Thank you for your kindness Applejack. I dearly appreciate the care you and your friends have shown me and it makes me feel safe knowing there are some ponies concerned with my well being. I'm only outside for a little walk, it is very important for my kind to have a little exercise to speed our recovery but is there anything else you're worried about? Anything that I can help you with?"

Ding ding. While Applejack blushed adorably, it was her muzzle scrunching up and her eyes shifting nervously off to the left that gave it away. Living around his own kind made detecting lies a part of his daily life and in all honesty he'd seen two year old children pass off better lines. By hell this pony was an awful liar.

"N.. No sugar we're just worrin about ya hurtin yourself..."

"Oh! We should get going! Applejack probably has to get back to her booth!"

He let Pinkie Pie steer him away from the apple pony, but Locks was already smiling at her knowingly. His smile widened even more when he saw her gulp nervously. Note to self, if he wanted information just put Applejack on the grill and she'd cook nicely. Subtlety seemed to be a lacking skill as well because Dashie was glaring at Applejack, who smiled nervously and rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof before they noticed him watching. Pretending like nothing happened made it that much more obvious.

Locks loved guessing games, especially when it involved people (Ponies...) trying to keep something from him but the question remained what that thing was. Could they be trying to hide him from other ponies? That wouldn't make any sense because Dashie let him out without too much of a hassle... That train of thought also ruled out the general populace going into a blind panic at seeing him. Sure they were skittish earlier but they weren't fleeing for their lives...

"Whatcha thinkin about?"

He nearly pissed himself when his eyes glanced over to see Pinkie's face not two inches from his own. This damn horse defied a lot of general gravity rules because how the hell she managed to bounce along so effortlessly and at such height was beyond him.

"The masks we wear it smiles and lies...."

"It hides our cheeks! And shades our eyes! That's a really neat poem, but what are the lies? Lies to our peers or lies to ourselves? Are we lying for the sake of our sanity or the sake of our society you silly ducky?!"

The pink one was extremely worrisome. There was a fucking story to this pony and if his guts were anything to go by she might be more dangerous than Dashie, no matter how pissed off she may be. Speaking of the little turd she was looking at him like a cockroach at that moment.

"You look really dumb when you're thinking."

"Your face looks really dumb. How many dye jobs did it take to get that Rainbow in your hair?"

"The buck did you just say about my mane..."

"So you're dumb and deaf as well. It must be hard on you Dashie."

It was easy to lie to someone else about something, but for Locks it was damn hard lying to himself. This included the simple truth that he almost shit himself with how fast that pissed off winged pony got behind him and wrapped her front hooves around his neck. He could just make out her words through the deep growl.

"I can't wait until your all better Lockette~ Me and you have some things to straighten out."

"I love the way you feel against my body."

Turning his head around he nuzzled her cheek and neck, effectively getting her off. Spike and Pinkie seemed to be having a lovely time watching them go at one another but after a short walk they came across Rarities humble abode. Well... Abode at least. There was nothing humble about the Carousel Boutique, it was all pomp, frills, and ungodly amounts girly splendor. It was quiet on the inside, and looking at all the different styles of cloths made him wonder why every pony in town was wandering around naked... It seemed like a failed business pursuit opening a clothing store with so of them trotting along in their birthday suits

"Rainbow Dash! What are you doing here with him!"

Rarity had just stepped in from the back, a pair of small red glasses balancing on her nose and an irritated look on her face.

"Its always your fault Dashie. I'm going to make sure you get blamed for everything I do."

"I bucking hate you so much."

"I want to have your love babies!"

Rarity floated a few things away before ushering them onto a small couch with Locks taking a stool and leaving the chair for their host. After disappearing once more the mare returned with a tray containing tea and what looked like a cookie container, admonishing Dashie while she poured them all a cup.

"Really Rainbow Dash, the least you could do was convince Mr. Locks to stay inside today. You were so persistent on taking care of him last night I thought maybe you two shared enough in common to make a connection."

"Actually, Dashie here just wanted to get revenge by..."

Locks was impressed by the ring produced from the cookie container connecting with his forehead, but amazingly enough he managed to catch the container and pop the lid open for a cookie. He held up his hand to keep Pinkie and Rarity from commenting as he popped one into his mouth and smiled affectionately at the flushing pegasus. Getting yelled at by her friends would be preferable to him spilling the beans on what she did that morning.

"Dashie and Locks have been getting along really really well besides the whole assault things... Maybe its just a weird way his kind show affection or something! They've been playing all sorts of touchy feely games all day! Locks even sang Dashie a love song and danced for her close to Sugar Cube Corner! That's where I found them."

Rarity had her mouth open ready to put in her two cents on her friends behavior before she slowly closed it and arched an eyebrow at the pegasus, a slow smile curling on her muzzle.

"We are not getting along well! He's been a bucking ass all day and he's just trying to ruffle my feathers!"

"It hurts my feelings when you talk down to me like that Rainbow Dash... Its a good thing it also makes me randy. I really liked the way you tasted this morning... something like apple cider and paradise if I recall correctly."

"WHAT?!"

"RARITY! HE'S BUCKING LYING!"

"If all ponies taste that nice I might get real used to being here. What do you taste like Pinkie Pie? Are you pie flavored?"

Rainbow Dash was radiating so much anger that it might actually give him cancer. Grunting and snorting she flipped the small table, which would have been impressive if Rarity's horn didn't start glowing and caught everything, putting it back into place completely undisturbed. Pinkie on the other hand was occupied with licking her foreleg and trying to figure out her taste.

"Tiny horse flips shit and table, news at eleven!"

"Locks dear.... would you please refrain from sexually harassing my friend? I'm not even angry with her after throwing that tin at you. If this was what she's been dealing with all day I'm amazed at how much control she's shown."

"Fine.... I'll leave my dear friend alone for a little while. What have you been up to then Miss Rarity? The purple pony said you were coming by later on and I thought I'd visit you instead."

"Oh! I nearly forgot!"

Trotting over to a chest beside her work station the pony brought over two parcels of wrapped packaging, which made him wonder how exactly she managed to do it with hooves.

"By the way.... Whats the deal with your glowing head appendage?"

Sensitive subject much? Rarity went shifty eyed on him and started rubbing the back of her neck with a hoof. Instead of selling his body for science and experimentation he might look into a career as a professional gambler. Bad poker faces all around.

"Its... Well... Its just a bit of unicorn magic dear. All unicorns can do it but there is magic everywhere in Equestria. Even ponies like Rainbow Dash have magical properties."

"Am I a magical pony?"

"Ummm I'm not the right pony to ask Locks, Twilight is acutally an expert on magic... I think it would be best if you asked her."

Ding Ding. That was the second bell in not as many hours. Rarity was biting her lower lip, and after jerking his head around he caught Pinkie and Dashie bringing their heads to a stop after mid shake and looking innocently at him. So.... full time monitoring, unknown ulterior motive, touchy subject that everyone except he was aware of, Twilight wanting him to move in on the spot, was this the winning answer?

"You can ask her that stuff later though dear, I made these just for you!"

The packages consisted of two sets of cloths and one extra shirt, both pants were almost identical to the ones he was currently wearing, but the shirts were quite different. One appeared to be a buttoned burgundy dress shirt that matched perfectly with the pants, another looked closer to a regular tee shirt but the third was made out of a stretchy material that reminded him of under armor shirts.

Pulling the extra shirt on he shifted about to get a good feel of the article. While it clung to his frame it still felt nice finally having a shirt on instead of wandering around bare chested.

"Thank you very much Miss Rarity, these are very nicely made... but how exactly did you get my sizes?"

"Darling, if you've worked this job as long as I have it doesn't take more than a few looks and educated guesses to get your sizes close. They may be a little larger than what your used too but the stitch work wasn't difficult at all."

"The shirts and pants I understand, but this one doesn't leave much to the imagination does it? Do you like my form that much?"

She smiled coyly at that remark, even if Dashie gagged.

"As a reputable seamstress I can appreciate beauty anywhere Locks, and you are very well formed."

"It is more of a product of necessity than anything else, looking nice gets better tips."

"And what might you do for a living that gets you tips Mr. Locks? Especially one that requires you to be physically attractive?"

"I'm a licensed masseur..."

"Oh.... my..... Don't take this the wrong way dear, but you don't strike me as a pony in that career field."

"I'll be damned, you know what that is?"

"I happen to be a regular at Ponyville's only spa. You might find employment there if you talk with Lotus and Aloe."

"Oh my gosh! I don't know what a masseur is but Locks is a spa pony?! How does that even work?! He's been harassing Dashie all day! Does that mean he's really bad at his job?"

"He's a spa pony in a sense Pinkie dear, but not like Lotus and Aloe. The twins run an entire spa while Locks specializes in giving massages, that is unless his license covers those other jobs as well."

"That about right Rarity, it doesn't cover the operation of a whole spa but its enough to make a decent living."

He didn't like where this conversation was going, and looking over at Dashie confirmed that with the smug smile plastered over her stupid horse face.

"So you're a pervert on top of being an awful pony..."

"How the fuck does that even work?!"

"Can you ponies please watch the language!"

"What?! I've been cursing this whole time! As far as I can tell you ponies use bucking instead of fucking!"

"Oooooo Fucking sounds soooo much naughtier than bucking!"

"PINKIE PIE!"